Addiction

YIN DOLMAH

ADDICTION

When I was a young boy, I saw many people fall into all

kinds of addictions in the small town where I grew up. The

pressures of life caused many to revert to alcohol, drugs and

other substances which ultimately destroyed them. One day,

while sitting under a Neem tree with an old neighbor who

was revered greatly in our village for his wisdom and insight

into many things, one of our village men who had gone mad

from smoking the wrong herbs wandered by half naked.

The sight of the mad village man prompted me to ask my old

neighbor what his thoughts were on addiction.

The Oldman retorted, “You ask me about addiction and why

people fall into it? My question to you Yin is, what is

addiction?

Does it only refer to narcotics, gambling, drinking and the

well-known vices?”

I replied, “I would think so.” I have only heard of addiction

associated with such acts.

The old man went on; “there lies the error many have made

regarding this matter.

This terrible scourge known as addiction has been so

narrowly defined by many authorities the world over. The

unfortunate perpetuation of this narrow definition of what it

means to be an addict has wreaked great havoc and chaos in

many people. Listen to the words I am about to utter very

carefully so you may achieve good understanding regarding

that which you ask. In so doing I hope you may fully guard

yourself from falling prey to its multitude entrapments.”

YIN DOLMAH

Addiction, the old man continued, is anything that

makes you willing to trade your dignity and respect in

exchange for much lesser value and for which your mental

judgement has been rendered powerless or weakened

enough to prevent or stop the exchange due to the control

and hold of that thing to which you are have become

powerless.

Yin, life is a series of exchanges.

You exchange your time and attention in the classroom to

gain knowledge

You exchange your time, effort and expertise at work to gain

a paycheck,

you exchange your money which you give to the beggar at

the street corner for a sense of service and satisfaction of

helping those less fortunate than yourself. An act I refer to

as a labor of love.

Every one of these exchanges should be commensurate when

you compare what you give to what you gain.

Worthwhile, not just in terms of monetary value, but the total

worth of the exchange. If it happens to be an exchange that

does no more than bring you pleasure, be very careful not to

exchange more important things in life in order to achieve

that pleasure.

An incommensurate exchange will breed inevitable chaos.

Three things immediately come to mind.

YIN DOLMAH

Do not sacrifice your health, family or wealth in pursuit of

any kind of pleasure. The moment you begin to sacrifice one

of these in pursuit of anything within this world, you have

fallen into addiction, Yin.

Let me tell you the story of Ruga, who was once my best

friend and possibly the most naturally talented and

intellectually gifted person to walk the streets of Aglob.

Ruga had a rare kind of intelligence; he had the ability to

observe the most complicated technical process only once

and be able to not only recreate the process but improve it.

He read very little yet amassed so much knowledge from so

many disciplines he was the envy of all who aspired for

higher scholarly achievements.

Ruga enjoyed the simple life. With his deep knowledge of

many disciplines, he could have easily carved a life of great

wealth and abundance for himself. That did not appear to be

his desire in life. He was content eking out a meagre

existence at the civil service office of the colonial

establishment.

Ruga from all accounts was a regular man with no substance

abuse issues.

He hardly drank any alcohol, did not smoke and definitely

stayed away from drugs.

Ruga was married to an industrious woman he had known

since he was a young man in elementary school and with

whom he had 3 sons.

By all indications, Ruga loved his three boys and wanted to

see them do well for themselves.

There was a situation regarding Ruga that many would not

ascribe to addiction. He had a weakness for women.

YIN DOLMAH

Not just the type of beautiful women that would make the

most disciplined man develop neck pains trying to keep their

heads from turning to take a second look. In Ruga’s case,

about anything that had the double x chromosome was a

candidate for his attention.

Ruga was paid monthly by the civil service office where he

worked as a surveyor. He would take his monthly paycheck

which was barely enough to take care of the basic necessities

of his home when combined with the little money his wife

made from selling produce in the market and literally give

it all to any woman that was lucky to cross his path.

Ruga was so motivated in this life of wealth redistribution

he did not think twice about going hungry and starving

himself in order to have money to give away to the women

he so strongly desired.

His sons on occasion had to beg neighbors for basic

amenities which could have been easily available to them if

Ruga their father, was not on a mission to eradicate the

financial problems of the world’s women.

The situation with Ruga, his money, and women reached

levels that made him a laughingstock amongst those who

knew him in Aglob.

He lost dignity even though he was not on substance abuse.

His sons lost a great deal of respect for him due to his

readiness to give away to strange women, bread he did not

have to provide his own family.

His long-suffering wife could not bear to look him in the eye

due to anger and aguish culminating from deep

disappointment from a man she erroneously thought many

years ago was so intelligent and was going to be her bedrock

when she married him.

YIN DOLMAH

Ruga not only gave away his own money, but he would try

to get money from his wife to give away as well.

In the same city of Aglob lived a man by the name of Tebo.

Tebo consumed more local wine than anyone you ever met

or might ever meet.

Good luck ever finding Tebo without a cup of local wine

sitting comfortably next to him. At first glance, it appears

Tebo is a hopeless drunk in need of immediate help.

What if I told you Tebo was the most respected man in

Aglob?

What if I told you Tebo was the healthiest, strongest and

oldest man living in Aglob?

What if I told you no one has ever seen Tebo drunk and out

of control?

Tebo was so much in control of his affairs from a financial

and social responsibility consideration standpoint that

people all over Aglob thronged to him for advice and to learn

from him things no one else in Aglob could teach them.

Yes, everyone in Aglob was familiar with his insatiable love

for local wine but that was not the narrative regarding Tebo.

His extreme love for alcohol was a footnote in any

discussions of which he was the subject. His substantial

achievements in Aglob and the great deal of respect

everyone in the city had for him was the narrative

surrounding Tebo. Anyone else living the way Tebo did

might have died of liver cirrhosis decades ago or they may

have become so consumed by alcohol they might not be in

the position to function in a capacity that would earn them

YIN DOLMAH

a modicum of respect from those they knew and associated

with regularly.

Yet Tebo lived the way he did and still was the healthiest old

man in Aglob; fit and fully in control of all his affairs. There

was not a single negative aspect or attribute of Tebo that

anyone could point to and ascribe to his consumption of

alcohol. None that I am aware of. Absolutely nothing.

Was he an alien who metabolized alcohol differently from

us earthlings? Some people in Aglob began to speculate

that was the case. How could he live like this for over sixty

years and still bear no scars or signs of what, by all accounts,

could easily be looked at as an unhealthy, dangerous

lifestyle?

So, my question to you Yin is, which of the two men of

Aglob; Tebo or Ruga would you refer to as having an

addiction?

“Definitely Ruga,” I answered. “Ruga was willing to lose his

dignity and was at risk of even losing his family over his

impulsive pursuit of women with no regard to how it affected

the things of substance around him. He lost his mind running

after all the women in Aglob so much so that he lost

complete respect not only from the women who only wanted

the money he gave them, but also the people who got to

know him closely and observed how he had no sense of

what constituted a fair exchange.

Tebo on the other hand had what I would call an excessive

habit or vice but which in no way got in his way of

accomplishing that which he needed to achieve as a man.”

“Well thought out analysis,” the old man replied to me.

There are many souls who walk this earth who are

deeply addicted to one thing or another without even

knowing it. On the surface, they look normal like everyone

else; they are not hooked on any kind of substance that

YIN DOLMAH

would readily expose them as addicts, but beneath the

veneer, they have an insatiable desire for something which

others may not be aware of. That something might become

so strong that it pulls these people to the point of making

decisions that adversely impact the most important things in

their lives. Things which must and should never be

sacrificed.

Yin, If you ever find yourself so drawn to something; if you

find yourself itching to do something stupid to the point

where you lose one or two or three of the things I am about

to tell you, you are an addict.

The three things are:

1. Money

2. Family and loved ones.

3. Dignity and sense of pride

In short, if you are willing or powerless to stop the loss of

money, family and or dignity for anything in this universe,

you are addicted to that which is causing you to lose these

things.

When the old man finished talking to me, my perspective on

addiction changed forever.

I hope the simple three step measure of addiction my old

neighbor gave me will be applied to examine our own lives

and help identify any hidden addictions which need to be

broken in order for to more fully live a life of dignity and

respect.