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Poems for Life By Paula Van Dyke Poetry Writing Cowley County Fall 2021
Table of Contents I Reflection II Young life III Middle Life IV Older Life
I. Reflections Over the fall semester of Poetry Writing, I have learned much. The journey has taken me through searching my own thoughts, searching for just the right word, speaking from untouched places within my soul. The hardest part for me was learning to write with a particular form. For example, I still do not think I know how to write the duplex form well. I also found it difficult to take other people’s suggestions. I do not think that I am all that good, but if I worded something a certain way or chose a particular word, I did it purposefully and did not want to change it. The easiest part for me was to find the write words to express my thought. When writing anything, my favorite book is the thesaurus. I have always liked finding the word that describes something such as walking into the specific mental image that I have such as limping or skipping. The actual hardest part for me was getting ill during the last off the semester and having Covid in my household was a challenge. However, I have pulled my poems into a format that I hope will be enjoyable to the reader. Thanks for the learning this semester.
II. Young Life Sun beating down, Reflecting off the chrome, Blinding me. Wanna go for a ride? Daddy asked! Of course. Was there ever any doubt? Jumping into the back With my dog Bebe Close behind me. Wind blowing my hair, Cutting the heat of the day, Bebe panting, running around the bed. Rumbling along, Lurching with the gears changing. Such fun times. Bebe is gone now, Daddy is gone now. I am old now. That shiny new pickup, Sitting on the grass in the yard, Rusty, old What color was it now? Hard to tell with the weathering. Was it ever really new? I can no longer jump Into a truck bed, My paint is wrinkled and weathered. One day soon I’ll be In a yard changing, Disintegrating. Will anyone ever look at the marker And remember me when I was Shiny and new?
Kansas Girl The soil holds me Like a tree to the ground Swaying in the breeze Holding tight through twisters Staying where I belong Like a kite tethered to home Exploring but not too far And not for too long, Person of the wind But not tossed about Kansas girl.
Indoctrination By Paula Van Dyke When did I first learn that I was a “girl”? I always knew. At least as far back as my memory goes, I had a mama and an older sister, Julie. My older sister was very feminine, while I was a tomboy. I remember being expected to play with dolls when I wanted to play with trucks. Dolls were dumb and I remember wanting to play with “live” things. My cat, Sandy, was my favorite and I dressed him in doll clothes with fancy little hats and rolled him around in my buggy. He sure was funny jumping out after that rabbit with his little hat bopping along. I guess he didn’t want to “play” like a girl either. I spent many a day climbing trees with Sandy in tow, picking up caterpillars on the way to school, and exploring my old woods about two blocks north of my house. Yes, I knew that I was a girl and being a girl was limiting. Adults in my life were like - Why don’t you be quiet and sweet like Julie? Why don’t you like to wear frilly dresses like Julie? Why don’t you be a real girl? Like Julie! You can’t have pink things because Julie always gets pink so be happy with blue. I know Julie got a beautiful book called a Child’s Garden of Verses, but you’ll love this science book. Later when I wanted to take woodworking in school, the administration told me that you can’t that class because it’s for boys so you will have home economics aka cooking and sewing. I never wanted to be a boy, but I envied their freedom to be loud and rowdy. In addition, boys had no limits placed on them by society. Being a girl sucked because it meant being pigeonholed with unrealistic expectations. Yes, I always knew that I was a girl.
Memories of Home Cinnamon wafting Through the cozy, warm cottage, A tasty promise.
III. Middle Life Birth of My First Child By Paula Van Dyke Pain shoots up, strong and sharp, Whoa! Gripping spasms seize me. Time to meet my baby. Will it be boy or girl. Who would’ve thought that Pain was a good thing? Welcome, exciting, Negative, yet somehow positive. Hours of pain, pressure, Finally coming to a close. Pressure is intense, Mind boggling, “Push, push,” the doctor says. I obey. Release, at last. Tears of joy, A tiny cry, Sounds more like a baby kitten Than a baby. “It’s a girl!”
In Praise of Womankind By Paula Van Dyke Womankind Nurturers of the world Making mankind within their body Partners with God in the creation process. Womankind. In Praise of Mankind By Paula Van Dyke Mankind Protectors of womankind Providing the spark of life Partners with women in creating new life. Mankind.
IV. Late Life Loving and Losing Erica, and Beyond By Paula Van Dyke Erica, my first granddaughter, A miracle bundle in my arms. My heart explodes with joy, Her breath on my skin, Warm and soft, New baby smell on Top of head covered in Soft chestnut fuzz. Cooing, sucking on fingers, I didn’t know that a heart Could be so full. She holds my finger with her tiny hand,
And I melt. Then, Voice on the other end of the line. “She’s dead!” “What” “She’s dead!” “Erica.” “What? What happened?” Sirens in the background Wailing, couldn’t drown out My soul screaming. Tiny casket, Lots of tears, Goodbyes, Laid to rest, Gone, but not forgotten. Don’t want to love again. Heart frozen Another grandchild NO Can’t deal, Hold him in my arms, Cracking, sharp pain, What’s that? Heart melting You’re gonna make Me love again, Aren’t you? Whispered In a newborn ear. Noah, happiness in an 8-pound bundle.
Denial By Paula Van Dyke Who is that reflection? It certainly can’t be me. I am strong and healthy Soft smooth skin Silky long dark hair Small waist, Toned muscles Bright blue eyes And a killer smile. I’m not this lumpy Wrinkling, Squishy person that the Mirror is reflecting back at me. When did my smile get crooked? When did the crinkles appear Around my eyes? When did my muscle tone Become weak and unattractive? Looking closer, The eyes are still bright And blue. They still twinkle with life, So she’s in there somewhere Betrayed by the body. Denial.
First Line By Paula Van Dyke Remember me when I’m gone away, How I held you in my arms, The look in my eyes, The soft touch of my hand, The smile on my face, The laughter at your antics, The tears when you were hurt, The pride when you’d done well, The hope for your future, The joy in my heart, The love deep within my soul, All for knowing that you were mine, And I was yours.