Unwritten Rules: Guide for Women in Tech : simplebooklet.com

Hi Wonderful,We know this is an extremely pivotal time. Now morethan ever, women have unbearable demands on themand consequently are often pushed out of theworkplace. But fortunately, women are tough,resourceful, and down-right brilliant!To help your journey, we've truncated the absolutemust-know information for women in tech. Whetherthat means you're re-entering the workplace, justentering, or anywhere between- we've thought of thetop resources and info for you!As always, we encourage you to comment, networkand to reach out to us with questions. Be sure to checkus out online regularly and subscribe to the YouTubechannel to stay updated on what you need to know.Great things ahead,Talk soon!Sabrina & Teaminfo@TransformationContinuum.com | TransformationContinuum.comSabrina Shafer, CEO & Board MemberA MESSAGE FROM

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THE ART OF THESUBTLE BRAGWHAT YOU NEED TO KNOWInterview with Jillian Kaplan, Telecom + 5G Thought Leadership @ Dell TechnologiesSabrina ShaferJillian KaplanTurn yourmess intoyourmessage.As women, we can really strugglewith the subtle brag. Possiblybecause we’re taught to be humbleor not show off, or possibly becausewe just haven’t been taught yet.Either way, one of the unwrittenrules for women in IT is the art ofthe subtle brag. I’m a big believer in rising byraising others. I think womenworry that if they brag, they’llmake someone else feel bad. W O M E N I N T E C H |  0 5Comparison is the thief of joy. Tomaster the art of the subtle brag,women in IT have to leavecomparison behind. There isalways someone who you *think*is better than you, but you areyour only competition. Frankly,having a strong sense of self andconfidence is a must-have forwomen in IT and subtle braggers.

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The first part to mastering the art of thesubtle brag is understanding the humanpsyche. That is, people innately want tocheer for someone. And we want to besupported. By sharing our ownaccomplishments, you can inspiresomeone else. In other words, you’re not saying “Lookhow awesome I am.” You’re saying, “I didthis, and you can do it too.” How powerfulis that?!When doing a subtle brag, the key is toshare your accomplishment but also usingit to inspire someone else. You’re takingyour mess and turning it into yourmessage. To do the subtle brag successfully, youhave to get over yourself. Punch fear in theface and share authentically. Get over thefear of being judged. We are so afraid thatsomeone is going to think poorly of us ifwe say something that makes us lookgood. By focusing your intentions oninspiring others, you will inspire throughbeing your authentic self (at least to theright people).An important component to the subtlebrag is being vulnerable about why this isimportant to you. Vulnerability is whathits home with people and is absolutelykey to a subtle brag! Happy Bragging!W O M E N I N T E C H |  0 6You’re notsaying “Lookhow awesome I am.” You’resaying, “I didthis and youcan do it too.” - Jillian Kaplan

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MASTER THE BRAG1. LIST YOUR BIGGESTACCOMPLISHMENTS.Ask yourself why you accomplishedthem. What could be inspiring aboutthat? By sharing your biggestaccomplishments, including the why,is incredibly powerful.3. BE AUTHENTIC. SHAREYOUR STRUGGLES.You can’t always show up speakingabout a win, that's not real life.Talk about why something was hardand how you overcame it. Again,through the lens of helping. Takeyour mess and turn it into yourmessage.2. EMBRACE YOURSELF.YOU'RE NOT YOUR COMPANY.No one wants to look at a companybot. Besides, the most importantthing you can be is authentic. Youare not your company. Embraceyourself. And write in your voice –don’t write in the voice of yourcompany or someone else’s voice.Share your own story.TOP TIPS TOW O M E N I N T E C H | 0 8In my subtle brag here, I was excited because I had applied for an executiveprogram when I wasn’t an executive. So I used the language “I took a chance…”because that’s truly what I did. And, more importantly, the fact that I wassuccessful at taking such a huge risk meant a lot. Vulnerability is what hitshome with people and is at the center of the subtle brag.So, here’s a simple way to get started:

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WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOWSo many women in tech have been there: The moment you getapproached inappropriately by a man in the workplace. The key is knowing what to do about it. The story is all too familiar. Jasmine is at a pre-COVIDtechnical conference and eating dinner at the hotel bar. Shecatches eyes with a male colleague (let’s call him Jim) and says“hi.” He asks if he can join her. Since it’s typical to eat or grabdrinks together in the IT industry, she gladly welcomes himover. The two sat side by side at the bar, and Jim orders drinks.The next thing he said to her nearly knocked Jasmine over. N A V I G A T I N G I N A P P R O P R I A T E A D V A N C E SW O M E N I N T E C H |  0 9

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2 0 2 1 | L E T ' S N O T G E T P H Y S I C A LLooking straight at her, asif this was just part of thecasual “crazy weatherwe’ve been having” typeconversation, and says “youknow, I didn’t bring my wife on this trip. Wecould go out.” “I played it off and waskind of laughing, trying tobrush it off. Didn’t think toomuch of it because I didn’tknow any better.” Jasminelater explained. Hisbehavior didn’t change. Jimmade several morecomments on that trip, towhich Jasmine just brushedoff. “When I got home, hestarted following me onInstagram, which was finebut then he started sendingprivate messages about hiswife being on a girls tripand wanting to meet one-on-one. I told him to stopmessaging me. He didn’tapologize or say anything.It was like it was a normalpart of his day. That’s when I realizedthis was a commonexperience for him and hewasn’t going to stopwithout someonespeaking out.” That day,Jasmine filed an HRreport.Turned out Jim had two other HR reports filedagainst him. At firstJasmine thought ‘I hopehe doesn’t think I’m thatkind of woman whowould sleep with amarried man." The reality is, this hadnothing to do withJasmine.of Women in ITreport beinginappropriatelypursued by a malecounterpart in theworkplace.80% W O M E N I N T E C H |  1 0

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2 0 2 1 | L E T ' S N O T G E T P H Y S I C A LAs women in IT, we have tounderstand that there arepeople in the industry thatwill overstep the line. Moreimportantly, there arepeople who will applysevere pressure or berelentless despite yourmost gentle let downs. Andthat’s where the lesson lies:remember, we are savingother women when wespeak up. You can’t make anassumption that the otherperson understands you—passive rejections to thesetype of people is effectivelya pass to keep going.Without clear language, weassure you, they willassume you like them.So, what should women intechnology do? Simply put,be honest and be very clearthat you are not interestedin the other person.Once you’ve told the personhow you feel, let it sit there.A great mentor of mineonce told me, “there comesa time in a negotiationwhen the next person whospeaks loses.” This is your time to standfirm. To win in IT as awoman, you have to learnwhen to speak up andwhen to speak out. For more, go to: TransformationContinuum.com/InsightsOr email: info@TransformationContinuum.com"When wespeak up, weare not justprotectingourselves, weare savingother women."W O M E N I N T E C H |  1 1

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MAKE A RECORDKeep things in writing (textmessage, DMs, email). Then printthem physically out and keep afolder. BE CLEAR & DIRECTShut them down clearly and letthem know the repercussions. Youdon't need to apologize or feelanything put powerful.SPEAK UPHOW TO FILE AN HR COMPLAINTDon't be afraid to speak to HR andfile a complaint. Remember, mostare repeat offenders; so bystanding up for yourself, you'reprotecting others.W O M E N I N T E C H |  1 2No doubt women in IT must know (if you didn’t already)that the world we live in still has people who will pass theline beyond harmless or invited flirting. That’s the reality. Fortunately, you have options if that happens:

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Invest in Yourself.It's something we instinctually know, yet often donot do. That is, investing in ourselves. Narrow down1 thing you can do this week to get closer to youroverall goal. Now, block out an "Investment Block" inyour calendar and do not move the time.Listen to Your Gut.We all know the saying "trust your gut" but all toooften we don't listen to it, even when we know it'sright. In business, the best decisions and mostinnovative solutions come from unconventionalpeople who didn't follow "the norm." Why treat yourcareer (and your sound sense of judgement) anydifferent?Know Your Value.It's easy (well, in the short-term) to let someone elsedefine our value. But the reality is, it's very rare thatothers can see all that we have to offer. So, we getundercut and unvalued. If you don't fully realize andown your value, no one will! So, want an amazingcareer? Know your value.F U N D A M E N T A L ST O O W N I N G Y O U R C A R E E R W O M E N I N T E C H |  1 4

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How did they treat you in the interview?If your future employer treats you terriblyduring the interview process or doesn't valueyour time, this is a huge red flag!Do you like the location you'll be working in?In today's market, you can work anywhereyou want. So why settle for a career whereyou aren't happy? Understand where youwork best and ask for it.Is the title right?The only person thinking ahead for yourcareer is you. Before accepting a role,consider if you're comfortable with the title of the position. Does this align with where you'd like to take your career?QUESTIONS TO ASKGetting Back into the Workplace:W O M E N I N T E C H |  1 6

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W O M E N I N T E C H |  1 7GET AHEAD AT WORK:FINDING YOUR CHAMPIONA must watch Ted Talk by CarlaHarris on exactly how to find andutilize a champion in theworkplace.ASK BETTER QUESTIONS &TALK TO ANYONEWomen in IT must excel at askingmeaningful & powerful questions,whether at an interview or clientmeeting. Great resource here!FEAR IS MY HOMEBOYLearn how how to slay doubt, bossup, and succeed on your ownterms. Now, who doesn't want tomaster that?!PERMISSION TO FEELPODCAST W/BRENE BROWNEmotional literacy affectseverything from learning, decisionmaking & performance. A greatlisten to being your authentic self!WOMEN IN ITRESOURCES

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Why Mentors Are Important & What To Look For Define and set big goals for you, sometimeseven bigger than you initially conceptualize; Help you see yourself for all that you are andall you are capable of; Act as a sounding board for new ideas,questions, and learning concepts; Is constantly learning and values diverseperspectives to formulate opinions;Q: What type of characteristics should one lookfor in a mentor or coach? For an outstanding mentor, it’s never aboutthemselves. Indeed, great mentors and coacheshave these characteristics:Everyone needs a cheerleader and a coach, it doesn’t matter who you are or howsuccessful you’ve already been. So, what are the best practices when it comes toselecting your mentor or coach? We spoke to some of the leading mentors, EuginaJordan and Sam Barcus, to find out and here’s what they had to say:W O M E N I N T E C H |  1 9Knowledgeable about not only the topic athand, but in the skills you’re seeking tomaster;Trustworthy, open and nonjudgmental. Youshould always feel like you can openlycommunicate and trust your mentor withoutfeeling judged; Push you to network and find new resourcesthat help you achieve big goals; and Able to give constructive feedback.Remember, constructive criticism is stillcriticism. Great mentors focus on feedbackthat helps you grow! F I N D I N G Y O U R

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Trust: the most important thing is that you gointo the relationship based on trust.Boundaries, accountability, generosity, andnon-judgmental. When people don’t knoweach other, they don’t know what mightmake the other people feel sad, scared, or nothurt. Mentees need to be open to trust thementor.Be Vulnerable: It takes courage to say “I wantto grow and I’m ready to share.” A mentorcannot push you to be vulnerable, the mentorcreates the environment of trust.Q: What do you find are the most importanttraits for mentees?Only certain types of people can get intomentor/mentee relationships, that’s on bothsides.Mentees have to be vulnerable and have to workhard to invest in themselves. If you think you’regreat and don’t need help, you won’t reach out.To grow and truly be mentored, mentees need toshow up and:1.2.No doubt, in a healthy and productivementor/mentee relationships, both parties needto be ready. They need to enter into therelationship with an outcome that is best for bothparties and investing in each other. As a mentee,your role is to come with an open mind and anopen heart fully ready to learn and grow!Q: What is one thing a mentee can do to preparefor a mentee/Coaching session?Show up with three questions and order thembased on priority. By physically writing down three questions, itwill get the mentee to start thinking about whatis most important to them. By prioritizingquestions, it will help the mentee understandtheir overarching priorities; this is moreimportant that most of us realize. While a great mentor/coach will help prioritizegoals, only the mentee can truly grasp the needsand areas of growth that are more important tothem at that time. So, show up with questionsand take notes! Give back: Invest into someone withoutexpecting anything in return just because theywant to see some succeed and grow. Theyneed to come from a place of giving.Listen First: Great mentors talk secondbecause this is how the best relationships arebuilt. You have to understand first, and thenyou can comment.Empathetically connect: There are times whena mentee will be vulnerable and feel feelingsoutside of “happy.” Good mentors know whento push and when not to.Q: What should a great mentor or coach do foryou?The best mentors are willing to do 3 things:1.2.3.Q: What factors should be considered whendetermining what mentorship programs are bestfor you?There is no one-size-fits-all perfect mentorshipprogram. And that’s a good thing!Mentorship is a personal journey. There are someguidelines though that you can use. For instance,most mentorship programs should be between 6months to 1 year. At first you need to get to knoweach other. Think about what goals do you want toachieve. Pick one or two goals. Then, by the end ofany mentorship program, a mentee has the skillsto continue and grow. F I N D I N G Y O U R C H E E R L E A D E R W O M E N I N T E C H |  2 0

Unwritten Rules: Guide for Women in Tech

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