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Message WORKBOOKU N B O X I N GR E L A T I O N S H I P SCompanion to your UnboxingRelationships coaching coursewww.SankofaUnboxed.com

CONTENTST A B L E O F01Unboxing Myths, FairyTales & AssumptionsUnboxing Emotions Unboxing DefensesUnboxing ConflictsThe Blueprint for YOUR“New Cloud 9!”Unboxing Should, HaveTo & MustOutcome: Making consciouschoices without resentment.Outcome: Working togethertoward an attainable vision.0203Outcome: Using emotions toincrease intimacy & trust.040506Outcome: Communicating moreauthentically. Outcome: Hearing and beingheard when it’s hardest.Outcome: A co-written plan tolead us to what we really want.

LET’S GROW!Each worksheet that follows is designed to prepare you forthe week ahead’s coaching session. It’s time to get bold. It’s time to get fiercely honest. Themore you put in, the more you’ll get out of yourinvestment. Are you ready to grow?www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 1

01UNBOXING SHOULD,HAVE TO & MUSTEmbracing the power of CHOICE!SESSIONwww.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 2

PREP FOR SESSION 1Make a list of all the things you should and shouldn't doin your relationship. Include all things you have to do,must do, ought to do, "gotta" do.Now, write or type each one out using the phrase, "Ichoose to." www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 3

RESENTMENT Read this Blog!1. Make a list of the thingsyou have resented in yourrelationship. 2. Identify where you gave upyour choices.3.is the mark of abreached boundary.www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 5

POST SESSIONREFLECTIONThinking about this week’s session,what do you want to make apermanent part of yourrelationship? (Write or type it out.We will be using it in futuresessions.)Session One: Making conscious choiceswithout resentment.www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 5

02UNBOXING MYTHS,FAIRY TALES &ASSUMPTIONSSESSIONwww.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 6

MonogamyI should get what I give.If I love you I will always wantto be with you.My partner/s should meet allof my needs.I should meet all of mypartner's needs. We should have kids.We should always feel "in love."Conflicts are bad.PREP FOR SESSION 2What has surprisedyou about intimaterelationships?"Expectations are resentments waiting to happen." (Anne LaMott)Common Relationship AssumptionsREFLECT on thefollowing:What hasdisappointed you inintimaterelationships?What were yourassumptions aboutintimaterelationships?www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 7

STAGES OFRELATIONSHIPReview your “BuildingYour New Cloud 9" PDFtogether. What stageare you in? What didyou learn from the“divorces” you havebeen through together so far?www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 8

POST SESSIONREFLECTIONThinking about this week’s session,what do you want to make apermanent part of yourrelationship? (Write or type it out.We will be using it in futuresessions.)Session Two: Working toward a realisticvision together.www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 9

03UNBOXING EMOTIONSSESSION(...and using them well!)www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 10

Watch this video!ACTION STEPS0102Read this mini-blog!Watch this video!03www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 11

OWNING YOUREMOTIONSAre there emotions you aren’t “allowed” tofeel?Are there emotions that feel unsafe toexpress in your relationship?(Source Unknown, Click HERE)www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 12

TAKING INVENTORYWhat has yourexperience of thefollowing emotions beenin relationships, past andpresent?AngerRageBoredomResentmentApathySadnessJealousyTake one example fromeach, and write out theinformation that theemotion was pointing toin the situation.www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 13

POST SESSIONREFLECTIONThinking about this week’s session,what do you want to make apermanent part of yourrelationship? (Write or type it out.We will be using it in futuresessions.)Session Three: Using emotions to increaseintimacy & trustwww.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 14

04DEFENSESSESSIONwww.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 15

What is the positiveintention behind thatapproach?UNBOXING DEFENSES Are your ways ofcoping with * fear *worry * threat *disappointment *unfairness * hostility *vulnerability * grief * okwith your partner/s?Are there otherways you canmanage it thatcause less harm?(Fact checkthat!)www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 16

POST SESSIONREFLECTIONThinking about this week’s session,what do you want to make apermanent part of yourrelationship? (Write or type it out.We will be using it in futuresessions.)Session Four: Communicating moreauthentically. www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 17

05CONFLICTSSESSIONwww.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 18

TAKING INVENTORYWhat do you argueabout?How do you feel aboutyour partner/s whenyou argue?How do you feel aboutyourself when youargue?How do you feel aboutyour relationship whenyou argue?Do you feel like theissues get satisfactorilyresolved?www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 19

Watch this video!03Watch this video!ACTION STEPS0102Read this mini-blog!www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 20

We will not threaten the relationship inthe middle of a conflict.We can pause a conflict and return laterif we aren't doing it well. We will always return to unfinishedconflicts.We will attack problems and not people.Talk together about the ground rules youwant to establish for conflicts. Includetools, (like the XYZ,) that you want towork toward using regularly. Here aresome examples: YOUR “CONFLICTCODE OF CONDUCT” www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 21

THE STATE OF THE UNION"The grass is always greener... WHERE YOU WATER IT."Celebrate what's good in your lives! Sharewhat you appreciate about each other.(Remember what you're fighting for.)Agree to meet together on a regularbasis to talk about what’s going well,what needs attention, and to spendtime having FUN together! Effective“State of the Union” meetings includeALL THREE of the following components:Using your Conflict Code of Conduct,address problems and budding challenges inan honest, loving and respectful way.Go PLAY together! This is NOT optional! Ifyou aren't enjoying each other, what's thepoint?www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 22

POST SESSIONREFLECTIONThinking about this week’s session,what do you want to make apermanent part of yourrelationship? (Write or type it out.We will be using it in futuresessions.)Session Five: Hearing and being heard whenit’s hardest.www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 23

06YOUR NEW CLOUD 9!SESSIONwww.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 24

Go back through all of your“Post Session Reflection”statements together.Rewrite each one as anaction point.Put it somewhere you cansee it and revisit it often.Use your State of the Unionto check in on how you’redoing and make regularimprovements. YOU DID IT!C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S !www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 25

NEXT STEPS!I will work with you in your finalsession to pull this all together tosolidify the blueprint for your NewCloud 9! We will troubleshoot theways the plan might get challenged,and co-create a “relapse” plan to helpyou keep growing forward.Completing this course qualifies youto take my next course: UnboxingRelationships, Part 2: The Tools. Inthis course I will coach you throughusing 6 Relationship Power Tools thatcan revolutionize yourcommunication. (You’ve already beenintroduced to one of them!) Let me know in your final session ifyou’re interested. Now – GO LOVEEACH OTHER!www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 26

Stay tuned for theupcoming podcastwhere I will be invitingall kinds of interestingguests to talk aboutUnboxing our lives inmany different areas oflife!If this material has beenuseful to you, pleaseconsider sharing it withfriends & family. Not onlycan it help them, it cangive you all a commonlanguage that will helpeveryone thrive!NEXT STEPS!Please feel free tocontact me at any time ifI can help support yourgoals.You can email me atTiffany@SankofaUnboxed.com, call or text me at301.814.0171.In the coming months Iwill continue to addcontent to the website,(www.SankofaUnboxed.com,) the Instagram,(@SankofaUnboxed) andto my YouTube channel,(@SankofaUnboxedCoaching.)www.SankofaUnboxed.com | page 27

© 2025, Sankofa UnboxedCoaching. All rights reserved. Nopart of this workbook may bereplicated, downloaded,screenshot or shared without theexplicit consent of the author,Tiffany Sankofa. (Downloading forthe purpose of participating incoaching programs led by TiffanySankofa is considered acceptableuse.) Thank you for respectfullyconsidering my intellectualproperty and labor.www.SankofaUnboxed.com