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APeeling magazine tells personal branding stories about life, career, and business

APeeling
Love
Yourself
Create
Intimacy
Dating Scam
Red Flags
Creating MarketAPeel
February 2020

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Hate the
Behaviour
not...
Dating in the 21st Century is
hard enough without all the
painful baggage we carry.
Featuring
Being
Unlovable
Read an excerpt of the book
#ThatsLife, Charlie and Lindsay
help Sophie get back on her feet
by creating an online dating prole
while sharing their stories of trying
to nd love.
Online Dating
The denition of a word makes
all the difference and being
unlovable can be the rst step in
healing after a painful break up

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Nadika Viswakula is the naked love coach. Help
men & women heal past hurt & trauma, allowing
them to experience more joy in their lives.
Corrine Underwood is a Certied Sex, Relationship
and Intimacy Coach, Somatic Therapist Apprentice,
Consent Practitioner and Sexual Health Educator
Nancy Ruth Deen is a breakup Coach helping people
rediscover themselves aer a breakup. Visit her web-
site.
Lisa Hawkins is a relationship coach Contact her
to start a conversation today.
Lee-Ann Frances Bates is a relationship & intimacy
expert. Find out how to attract love and intimacy in
your life
Love Yourself
Increase Pleasure
Survive Break-up
The Love Drug
Greater Intimacy
Publisher: MarketAPeel
Editor: Shanon Peel
Design: Shannon Peel
APeeling Magazine is published by
MarketAPeel
939 Homer Street Unit 411 Vancou-
ver, BC V6B 2W6
778-839-0521
Copyright 2019 MarketAPeel.
All rights reserved. No part of this
book may be reproduced into any
information retrieval systems without
the written permission of MarketAP-
eel. The publishers are not responsi-
ble in whole or part for any errors or
omissions in this publication.
ISSN: TBD
Photo by Marcy Peel
By Reecting on our Past we Find
the Rewards of our Struggles
I’m learning to love
myself. It’s the hardest
thing I’ve ever done.
Photo by EyeAPeel
Letter
from the
editor
It is February and
that means, Valen-
tines Day where little
kids hand out cards to
school mates and eats
lots of heart shaped
chocolate. Where cou-
ples celebrate their
love for each other by
exchanging gifts over
expensive meals in
restaurants.
I thought it would
be an interesting idea
to invite relationship,
dating, and sex coach-
es to submit articles
to this month’s issue
of the APeeling maga-
zine. I sent out lots of
requests to both male
and female experts in
love and published all
the articles I received
prior to publication.
As you will discover
the articles I received
have the same theme,
loving ourselves to nd
happiness. The stories
these women shared
hold wisdom and tips
to help you nd the
love you need most in
this world, the love of
self.
This is my sixth Val-
entines day as a single
divorced women. Over
the past six years I’ve
tried dating and found
love is not easy to nd,
it is nearly impossible.
Over the years, I’ve
shared my stories of
rejection, humiliation,
and the painful results
of dating in Vancouver.
My experiences and
the experiences of my
friends were the inspi-
ration behind my se-
ries of novellas, #That-
sLife, formally called
40 Something.
My attitude towards
dating, men, and love
has not always been
positive, upbeat, or
even kind. I learned a
lot about myself in the
process and got a lot
stronger. I do not know
if I will nd love but I’m
OK if I don’t.
My hope in creat-
ing this magazine and
sharing real stories by
real people is to help
you nd real solutions
for your life.
The Apple Peels are
link buttons.
MarketAPeel
APeeling article
Social Media of Article
UnPeeled podcast
Social Media of Podcast
Peeled Blog post
Social Media of Blog
Video on YouTube
Social Media of Video
MarketAPeel Directory listing
We help you tell your story to the marketplace
utilizing a variety of media, content, and promo.
www.marketapeel.agency | 778 839 0521 | shannon@shannonpeel.com
APeeling Promotional Package

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Attracting
Greater Love &
Intimacy
By Lee-Ann Frances Bates
Intimacy is created
when you allow your-
self to fully experience
yourself, the person
you are with and the
moment you are in.
It is a space created
through openness and
a willingness to con-
nect (mentally, emo-
tionally, physically,
experientially, sexually,
spiritually). A space
where there is full per-
mission to be vulner-
able, to be expressive
and to feel. It is often
the aspect within a re-
lationship that we most
deeply crave because
of how loving it feels
and yet it may scare us
to go there.
So how come we
both crave and fear
intimacy? As humans,
it is part of our makeup
to want connection and
intimacy. The problem
is that throughout our
lives we get hurt in
relationships and we
naturally want to pro-
tect ourselves.
Perhaps you were
rejected, told some
part of you wasn’t OK
or that you had to be
something or some-
one else to t in or be
loved. We’ve all been
there and to protect
yourself from further
hurt, you began a pro-
cess of consciously
and subconsciously
re-shaping yourself
around those experi-

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ences. Hiding the parts
of you others deemed
“not OK” and cultivat-
ing more of what they
did deem as “OK”. The
thing is our best quali-
ties are highly subjec-
tive and someone may
have deemed your joy
to be too joyful, your
self-condence to be
too much or your vul-
nerability to be weak.
So before you could
realize what a strength
that quality was, you
begin turning it down
along with others.
Slowly over time,
you begin to believe
that this new version
of you is all of you and
now what was a coping
strategy or a protection
mechanism, feels like
your personality.
When in reality,
there are amazing
and profound parts of
you hiding beneath
the surface, waiting
to be rediscovered so
that you can become
all that you are meant
to be. The fear we
experience in intimacy
is really just a signpost
that we are recovering
a disowned part of our-
selves and the reward
of moving into that fear
rather than away from
it is well worth it!
When you are able
to more fully connect
with and love your true
self, you will naturally
allow others to experi-
ence more of you. This
in turns allows you to
become more power-
ful and magnetic in all
areas of your life. This
is one key area many
of the most inuential
people on the planet
have mastered. Open-
ing up to greater love
and intimacy gives
ourselves and others
permission to drop our
coping strategies and
be all of who we are
which is attractive and
empowering.
So how do we get
to a place of creating
more love and intimacy
so we can experience
all the amazing ben-
ets like feeling more
condent, empowered
and attractive...
A great place to
start is with these 3
simple yet powerful
practices:
Wonder: Practicing
wonder allows us to
feel more alive, cre-
ative, open, present
and joyful in our life
and in our connections.
It increases opportu-
nities for intimacy and
love to thrive in. Allow
yourself to experience,
someone you know,
as if it’s the rst time
you met. Be curious
about what people are
expressing to you
and how they might
feel or what their life
may have been like. Be
curious about aspects
of yourself you may
not realize are there or
you disowned. Wonder
is the ability you have
had since the moment
you were born, it’s an
expansive state of
possibility and youth-
fulness that allows
you to see the world
with fresh eyes and an
open heart.
Appreciation: Prac-
ticing being in appre-
ciation and expressing
appreciation improves
mood, mindset, trust,
condence and lik-
ability. Take as many
opportunities during
the day as you can
to express to yourself
(through inner dia-
logue) and to others
what you appreciate
at that moment. Let
yourself know you are
appreciated and let
others know they are
as well.
Listening to Self &
Others: The practice
of listening creates
more trust and safe-
ty in your relationship
with self and others.
First, it allows you to
really hear and ulti-
mately understand
what others are saying
to you instead of what
you think they are say-
ing. This is powerful
skill and a sought after
quality. Second, it al-
lows you to really hear
yourself, make better
decisions and create
healthy boundaries
in your relationships.
Lastly, it helps you be
more present in your
connections.
To practice listen-
ing to yourself, start by
taking a few moments
throughout the day to
check in with yourself
and see how you feel
(with as little judge-
ment as possible).
Allow yourself to be
with whatever feeling
is present. Our feel-
ings are often guiding
us throughout our day.
When we are too busy
or disconnected from
our bodies to feel what
it is saying we miss
important messages.
It may be as simple as
someone asking you
out to lunch and you
automatically saying
yes without check-
ing in with yourself
rst. Next thing you
know you are feeling
annoyed or irritated
or like you’d rather be
doing something else
and both you and the
person you are with
can feel that energy.
In this case, if you had
checked in with your-
self before saying yes
you might have noticed
a feeling within you
that was saying no or
asking to do something
else. With this informa-
tion, you could have
created a different out-
come that felt better for
everyone.
To practice listen-
ing to someone else,
allow yourself to focus
100% on what they
are trying to say to you
(with as little judge-
ment as possible). To
gauge how well you
are listening and to
let them know you are
listening, summarize
and repeat back to the
person what you heard
them say. Then ask
them if you understood
them correctly. If you
don’t feel like you fully
understood what the
person was saying or
they tell you that you
missed something, ask
them what you missed
or what they meant or
simply ask them to tell
you more until you get
it.
These simple and
powerful practices will
improve your relation-
ship skills, condence
and self-worth so you
can experience and
attract greater love and
intimacy. I’d invite you
really explore these
practices daily and see
how they can shift your
life.
Lee-Ann Frances Bates
is a relationship & inti-
macy expert.
Email her to
discover how
she can
help you.
Click to download Episode
Tammy loves her career, really loves it.
Listen to her interview on UnPeeled
10 years ago, from
the outside looking in,
I was living a “good
life”. I had a stable job,
a home in Vancou-
ver (one of the most
sought out cities to live
in), regular
visits with my family, a
lot of friends, a really
fun social life, and I
had the opportunity of
travelling the globe. I
forgot to mention that
I was “happily single”
(or so I had myself
convinced).
I felt moments of
happiness, but there
were also many mo-
ments of feeling like
I was going up the
down escalator. Deep
down inside, I felt as if
life was happening to
me, one failure after
another. I was feel-
ing overworked, bills
were piling up, and I
was working 3 jobs
at the same time to
maintain my lifestyle.
I had failed romantic
relationships, failed
business investments,
disconnected friend-
ships, and the list of
challenges went on.
I had a vision for
how I wanted my life
to look. It was MY
dream life. There were
things I believed that I
needed to achieve to
be happy by certain
benchmarks in my
life, which added a lot
of pressure. Lokking
back, I was so fo-
cused on the outcome,
I missed a lot of the
journey.
As you know,
there’s no going back
in time. Moving for-
ward, I was committed
to living my life with
a lot more meaning,
connection, and pur-
pose.
I have learned for
myself that the out-
come does NOT need
to change. My dream
life can still be my
dream lifeand it is
what I truly want, but
asking myself why I
want something has
become a healthy new
habit.
Do I want it out of
fear or lack? Do I think
that the having of it will
bring me something I
do not already have
OR do I want it be-
cause it elevates the
joy, which already ex-
ists within myself?
(I invite you to read
that again)
In order to heal and
overcome the old pat-
terns it is important to
identify the emotions,
stories and limiting
beliefs of our subcon-
scious programming.
Learn to transform
your old patterns…
those of feeling a loss
of control, unworthi-
BE THE LOVE
OF YOUR LIFE
By Nadika Viswakula

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ness, being unlove-
able, and not good
enough, less than,
weak and powerless.
Let these go to make
way for new patterns.
I have gained the
tools to be in the driv-
ers seat of all of my
experiences. Which
means, I have learned
to embrace all of my
emotions. I have the
tools to transform
them, so I am spending
more of my life in love,
joy, happiness and
pure bliss. I achieved
this by working with
coaches and healers.
I have implemented a
daily meditation prac-
tice, which has brought
me so much more clar-
ity and peace in my
life. By understanding
my past, I have more
compassion for my-
self, which gives me a
deeper capacity to do
for others. Love and
compassion for myself
and for others has also
expanded my level of
joy. I don’t sweat the
small stuff anymore.
The universe still
challenges me, but I
now know to look for
the sometimes hidden
gifts, the deeper lesson
underneath each chal-
lenge, and transform
it. I remember getting
stuck in trafc and
was late for a wedding
dress tting for my sis-
ter. She does not take
well to people being
late, and because of
the fear of
upsetting her I got
myself worked up in
a panic trying to get
there sooner than
later. I could feel the
anxiety rising within
myself. Then I stopped
for a second and took
3 deep breaths. I shift-
ed my focus to myself.
What do I need to do
for myself to recali-
brate… to nd happi-
ness and joy for my-
self…self love.
Sometimes it’s as
simple as shifting your
thoughts to something
that brings you joy,
sometimes it’s a scent
that calms you down, it
could be a picture you
look at which soothes
you, or a song. For me,
in that moment, taking
3 deep breaths was
enough to shift my
energy. My intention
was in the right place,
I was doing my best to
be there for her. Mo-
ments after I shifted
my energy, I found
a parking spot right in
front of a bridal store
not on our list of stores
to visit. Long story
short, she purchased
her dream wedding
gown from the very
store I had discovered
because I was running
late and couldn’t nd a
parking nearby. Every-
thing aligned itself ex-
actly how it was meant
to be.
Today, I stand in
my power. I have awo-
ken my inner goddess.
I am more trusting of
the process, that I am
being guided. I am in a
healthy romantic part-
nership. The food I eat
tastes better. The
relationships with my
family is heightened.
My travel is more epic,
meaningful, and pur-
poseful. I love myself
like my life depends on
it, and my connection
to my higher self, intu-
ition, mother nature is
so strong and clear. I
spend most of my
time feeling blissful and
the challenges have
become much more
manageable.
I am deeply pas-
sionate about teaching
people how to practice
self love. Experiencing
more love, laughter,
and happiness in their
lives. Let me show you
how to connect to your
natural feeling of joy,
happiness & bliss.
I started Naked
Love Coach a few
years ago to share this
blissfulness with all of
you. I feel so aligned
with starting my own
passion based busi-
ness.
The word “naked”
has many meanings
and we have been
socially conditioned for
it to be taboo. It cap-
tures people’s attention
and since a lot of my
coaching is based on
re-programming your
brain, it only seems
tting…
We come into this
world naked, raw, vul-
nerable, pure…it is the
essence of YOU, which
I want to capture. Be-
fore you started iden-
tifying by your name,
your social status, your
job title etc…
You are not your name.
You are not your job title.
You are not your relation-
ship status.
You are not your nancial
status.
No more masks. You’re
ready to come undone.
Always choosing
to live from love, and
letting go of fears, thru
love and compassion.
Knowing...Learn-
ing to trust your in-
ner guide and not
your conicting inner
thoughts.
Elevate your con-
sciousness, tap in to
your inner guides,
learn to trust that you
are being guided on
this journey called life.
Deepen your un-
derstanding of who
you are and what your
unique purpose is,
here on Earth.
Being happy rst,
will make all of my
dreams come true.
Nadika Viswakula is the naked
love coach. help men & wom-
en heal past hurt & trauma,
allowing them to experience
more joy in all the different
areas of their life.
Getting
Caught in the
Love Drug
By Lisa Hawkins
February is the
month of love! It’s a
time for romance and
excitement. It’s also
a time when we are
prone to getting caught
up in chemistry. The
thrill! The passion!
Romance! It’s lovely
and magical. We
are also prone to
overlooking issues
when we are in the
thrill of romance. We
can get confused
about chemistry versus
connection.
Connection and
chemistry can be
different. Oftentimes,
people believe that
chemistry is the thing
to search for when
wanting a relationship.
Certainly, it has its
perks. The high we
feel when we are with
someone that we have
chemistry with—this
shared, invisible blast
of hormones—is hard
to resist. It’s a high
that is comparable
to heroin. It’s very
addictive. And it isn’t
necessarily what is
healthy for us.
We confuse being
drawn to someone with
someone being healthy
for us. Being drawn
to someone is most
likely chemistry. Don’t
confuse the two.
True connection
isn’t synonymous with
chemistry. Depending
on the person and
their conditioning when
they were growing
up, chemistry is that
familiar feeling we
have when someone
matches our childhood
conditioning. If you had
a loving and supportive
family that was
affectionate, spent time
with you, and took care
of you, then you will
nd that chemistry with
someone will indeed
be a good thing. It will
match a more healthy
connection.
But if, like most of
us, you had a less-
than-perfect family,
one that was not
always supportive or
maybe even abusive
or controlling, then you
will nd chemistry with
the very thing you will
eventually nd hurtful
and difcult. It’s familiar
to our brains. Our
brains are hardwired
with our childhood
experiences, emotions,
traumas, successes,
failures, and societal
beliefs. It’s a melting
pot of all of it. When
we meet someone
who has had similar
experiences that we
have or carries the
same wounds that we
do, we will feel a strong
(almost uncontrollable)
magnetic pull. Our
brains can get attached
very quickly. We might
not even know what hit
us. What we know is

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this familiar feeling of
strong attraction and
amazing happiness
that we suddenly feel
for the person.
We are high on
the love drug! High on
hormones. The feel-
good hormones!
This is chemistry,
and it feels so good in
the beginning. We are
on top of the world.
Until the triggers
start up and we nd
ourselves in the
same kinds of hurtful
situations we have
experienced before.
The roller-coaster
ride begins. We feel
amazing, and then we
feel down and low. It’s
confusing.
In contrast, in a
true connection we
nd a person who is
the opposite of our
wounds, who offers
us support and love
and affection; but
here we might not
feel chemistry. It
might feel foreign to
us in the beginning.
It might even feel off-
putting at the start.
Some describe it as
a “meh” feeling. It
certainly is not the
same as Cupid’s
arrow that we feel
with chemistry. But we
can grow to nd that
stronger connection
and attraction—it
will progress and
deepen. This is due
to the fact that the
brain is experiencing
something different,
something outside our
comfort zone or what is
familiar.
It takes mindfulness
of ourselves, our
wounds, and our true
desires to see the
difference. As we grow
and heal, our attraction
and chemistry will also
change. We will nd
a deeper connection
to someone that will
support our self-love
and growth. We will
still have ups and
downs, as they too
will trigger us in a way
that is an opportunity
to grow and look at
our shadows. It won’t
feel like bricks hitting
us and the high of the
chemical cocktail we
have with chemistry.
It will feel fullling and
supportive. It will feel
contented, like we
have met someone we
can grow together with.
When we seek
romance in a way
that is outside of what
our true self needs,
we get caught up in
desire, passion, and
sexual energy—until
the thrill is gone! When
we realize the other
person’s behavior or
way of expressing
love isn’t like ours, we
begin to wonder what
we ever saw in that
person. We suddenly
wake up from the high
and get sober.
I had thought I was
past the “chemistry”
hook a few years ago.
I had known about the
effects of chemistry
and knew the signs.
I met for tea and
even though when
I got home I heard
in my head, “Is this
chemistry? It feels like
a drug,” it still got me.
What was going to
be tea and friendship
turned into a nightmare
of rehashed issues
and eventually abuse.
It only took three
meetings for me to be
past the point of no
return. Part of me knew
what was going on, but
something else was at
the steering wheel.
I’ve come to realize
as I grew from that
experience that we
only have a very short
span of time before our
brains get hooked on
the heroin-like cocktail
and we become
attached to another
person. It takes a great
deal of awareness and
will power to resist that
strong magnetic pull.
It’s like sobering up
before the alcohol has
worn off.
I understand now that
if I question whether
or not it is chemistry,
it is chemistry. Just
because I understand
chemistry on a
cognitive level does not
mean I am immune to
it.
Now, I strive for
true connection, and
attraction that grows
and deepens. I don’t
want to get hit by
bricks anymore.
Lisa Hawkins is a relation-
ship coach Contact her to
start a conversation today.

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You’ve heard the
stories. You know
there are people on
online dating sites who
are only there to get
your money, with no in-
tention of meeting you,
dating you, or loving
you. I’ve talked with
a few, and played the
game, to nd out what
tricks they had up their
sleeves.
What are the
Red Flags?
Most of the time
they have a sob story,
their wife died in some
horrible accident, or
from cancer, leaving
him a widower and a
single dad. It’s always
a story to pull at your
heart strings.
One guy told me his
wife and son died in a
horrible car accident
on her way to church.
Did I mention they are
always religious?
This guy said he
was a soldier in the
US army, stationed in
Syria, and his daughter
was at boarding school
in Canada.
What made me
suspicious? Well, he
was not in my area.
He was in Syria, a war
zone, and a US sol-
dier. I realize that the
US did send soldiers to
train the rebels, how-
ever, at the time of this
conversation, it was
still early days in the
war.
He would Skype
with me, but the sound
never worked though
we were still IMing, we
could ‘see’ each other.
He had lots of time
to talk to me, too much
time, he could spend
all day on the comput-
er chatting with me.
The photo he sent
me of his daughter
was an obvious stock
photo and not a pic of
his teenaged daughter,
whom he hadn’t seen
in 2 years. According
to him, she lived at a
Canadian Boarding
School all year round.
I Googled boarding
schools in Canada and
discovered they cost
Online Dating
Scammer
Red Flags
By Shannon Peel

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over $50 K a year. I
found it hard to believe
that a US soldier made
enough to pay for a pri-
vate boarding school.
What I did to verify
my suspicions? I read
a bunch about Syria,
the climate, the people,
the towns, the news,
etc. Then asked him
general vague ques-
tions, like what did you
do today? Or what’s it
like in Syria now? Or
How’s the weather?
He’d take a long
time to answer com-
pared to other parts
of our conversation.
Then he’d send me a
link to a news story or
weather update. He’d
Googled the answer
instead of telling me
about his own experi-
ences.
At one point, I
asked him what time
it was and he gave
me the wrong time. I’d
checked to see what
the time difference
was, so when he told
me 10:00, I knew that
he couldn’t be in Syria.
He was in Russia.
The nail on his cof-
n was when he told
me that his ‘son’ need-
ed a mother. Remem-
ber, he had a teenage
daughter and his son
had died in a car acci-
dent.
How to Identify
a Scammer:
Scammers have
gotten more sophisti-
cated over time. They
now have fake Face-
book proles with a few
friends, none of whom
are connected to each
other, and most proles
were just opened. They
have phone numbers
registered to actual
places in the US. They
have addresses of a
place near you. They
have businesses with
simple websites. They
will call you and talk to
you on the phone.
So, how can you
know if that great guy,
who wants to get to
know you online, is real
or a scammer? I don’t
have a foolproof formu-
la, all I can do is offer
some points to help.
Keep a written re-
cord of the details he
gives you, ie, age, lo-
cation, kids, job.
Keep all the mes-
sages to look back and
compare to new infor-
mation he is giving you
Ask vague open
ended questions to
encourage him to give
you more details about
his experiences.
Ask yourself, does
his voice, accent, etc,
match the photo
Research the in-
formation he gives
you. Google has lots
of information, does it
match what he says?
Keep a written re-
cord of the times he
contacts you & what
time it should be there.
Do not give him too
many details about
your life, keep talking
about him. Scammers
want to talk about you,
your life, and your de-
tails, without recipro-
cating with stories of
their own.
Go with your gut.
Don’t take anything
he says at face value,
always question.
For example, you’ve
kept a record of the
times he contacts
you and the times he
claims he needs to be
working. Considering
the time difference, do
they make sense?
Keep asking your-
self questions, without
asking him to explain
why the information
he is giving you isn’t
making sense. If you
see a pattern of lies
and things don’t make
sense, save yourself
time and block him.
I have talked with
a few online dating
scammers to get a
good idea of how
they sound, what they
promise, what they
say. They have a sys-
tem and if something
sounds too good to be
true, chances are they
are empty promises
designed to get you to
trust and open up to
them.
When a Scammer
asked for money:
Most times I talk
to scammers, I shut
them down way before
they get to the request
for money, one time, I
didn’t. This scammer
was good, at rst, then
he started triggering
red ags, so I went all
in. I pretended to be in
love, crazy do anything
for him love. Planning
a future together, ev-
erything.
It took a week for
him to ask me for mon-
ey to get home from
Taiwan, $50 000 - He
had a shipment in cus-
toms and needed the
cash to bribe ofcials
to get it out. I told him,
I didn’t have that kind
of money. He asked for
$25 000. I told him, I
didn’t have that kind of
money. He asked me
to get a loan. I told him,
I wouldn’t. He told me
love is about helping
each other out.
Yeah, no.
Bottom Line:
No matter how won-
derful he sounds, the
minute he asks you
for money, it’s a scam.
Close your comput-
er and run. Run fast.
Block him from ev-
erything and look for
someone who lives
close to you.
If he says he can
only turn to you to ask
for help, do you really
want to be dating a guy
with so few real world
people who care about
him? If he’s alone in
this world, chances
are, there is a good
reason for it. - RUN!
I’m alone with few who
would help me out, and
I’d never ask some-
one online for money -
NEVER. Would you?
Talk to your friends,
trust what they say,
and know that there
are men out there,
close to you, who are
not scammers. I know
that sounds hollow and
sometimes even I have
a hard time believing
that, however, what’s
better? Being alone
or getting taken by a
scammer?
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Sexual Self Love For
Women – The Art of
Slowing Down
Lately, has your mantra
been “just rub one out
and get on with it?”
As a sex educator
and sex coach, I have
helped numerous peo-
ple build and rebuild
their relationship with
pleasure. Despite be-
ing connected to de-
vices, we are largely
disconnected with our
own bodies. Our ner-
vous systems are often
on overload due to the
fast-paced instant grat-
ication world we live
in.
What if you deed
the “get it over and
done with” expecta-
tions and opted out?
What if you decided
to slow down and do
nothing except explore
and enjoy yourself?
Why not use self–
pleasure time as an
oasis – an escape from
to-dos and shoulds,
an excuse to turn off
the phone and be ful-
ly present with your
body?
We often head into
solo or partnered sex
with the goal of quick
and fast orgasms,
achieved through the
habitual ways we usu-
ally get there. Some-
times, the focus on
results creates tension
or even stress, getting
in the way of the full re-
laxation necessary for
arousal and release.
Slowing down
means taking as much
time as possible and
moving out of your
“thinking mind” and into
the intelligence of your
body. Think of this as
an invitation to stay in
bed all Sunday morn-
ing with permission to
slow down completely.
To touch your whole
body without a goal –
exploring your thighs,
belly, breasts, neck,
behind your knees,
butt etc. – not just your
genitals.
You could stay
increasingly curious
by asking yourself
questions like “what
would feel good to me
now?” or “what kind
of touch do I want to
explore next?”, or just
roll around and let your
sensations guide you
It is also great not
to go straight for the
genitals – so incorpo-
rating lots of touch all
over your body with the
intention of pleasurable
sensation is a great
way to start nding
new ways you like to
be touched.
You can also ex-
periment with types of
touch and pressure –
scratching, rolling, tug-
ging, pulling, tapping,
pressing – etc. there
are SO many ways we
can touch ourselves
By Corrine Underwood
Sexual Self Love For
Women – The Art of
Slowing Down
Lately, has your mantra
been “just rub one out
and get on with it?”
As a sex educator
and sex coach, I have
helped numerous peo-
ple build and rebuild
their relationship with
pleasure. Despite be-
ing connected to de-
vices, we are largely
disconnected with our
own bodies. Our ner-
vous systems are often
on overload due to the
fast-paced instant grat-
ication world we live
in.
What if you deed
the “get it over and
done with” expecta-
tions and opted out?
What if you decided
to slow down and do
nothing except explore
and enjoy yourself?
Why not use self–
pleasure time as an
oasis – an escape from
to-dos and shoulds,
an excuse to turn off
the phone and be ful-
ly present with your
body?
We often head into
solo or partnered sex
with the goal of quick
and fast orgasms,
achieved through the
habitual ways we usu-
ally get there. Some-
times, the focus on
results creates tension
or even stress, getting
in the way of the full re-
laxation necessary for
arousal and release.
Slowing down
means taking as much
time as possible and
moving out of your
“thinking mind” and into
the intelligence of your
body. Think of this as
an invitation to stay in
bed all Sunday morn-
ing with permission to
slow down completely.
To touch your whole
body without a goal –
exploring your thighs,
belly, breasts, neck,
behind your knees,
butt etc. – not just your
genitals.
You could stay
increasingly curious
by asking yourself
questions like “what
would feel good to me
now?” or “what kind
of touch do I want to
explore next?”, or just
roll around and let your
sensations guide you
It is also great not
to go straight for the
genitals – so incorpo-
rating lots of touch all
over your body with the
intention of pleasurable
sensation is a great
way to start nding
new ways you like to
be touched.
You can also ex-
periment with types of
touch and pressure –
scratching, rolling, tug-
ging, pulling, tapping,
pressing – etc. there
are SO many ways we
can touch ourselves
By Corrine Underwood

Mobile users swipe screen like turning a page

Mobile users swipe screen like turning a page

and others that can re-
ally increase and tune
us into our sensations.
Grab a mirror and
spend time looking at
yourself - observe the
colours, the intricate
folds, the textures, the
curves the openings
and the presence of
the clitoris. Your vulva,
yoni, pussy or what-
ever name you give
to this magical and
powerful part of your
body is your life force.
It is the decorative en-
trance to the power
center of your body.
Love it, care for it, ob-
serve it. Notice how it
changes and responds
to your time of month,
your mood and your
arousal.
Your vulva is full of
erectile tissue beds,
and when you’re warm-
ing up – with a solo
session or with a part-
ner – it can take some
time (up to 20 minutes
or more) to witness
what full arousal really
looks and feels like in
your own body. Some
key ways to notice
heightened arousal
include noticing a feel-
ing of fullness in your
labia, rmness and
swelling in your clito-
ris, increased amount
of lubrication, and in-
creased sensation.
When the clitoris,
internally and exter-
nally, is properly en-
gorged, many sensa-
tional spots inside of
the vagina emerge and
can be discovered for
pleasurable stimula-
tion.
The female pelvic
neural network is com-
plex and may also be a
part of the female soul.
Orgasms may be a
deeply spiritual experi-
ence for you. The more
that you can slow down
and relax into the sen-
sual feelings for the en-
tire being—mind, body,
and soul, the deeper
and more incredible
sexual satisfaction can
become.
Lastly – getting
away from goal-ori-
ented masturbation
means not focusing on
the climax. It is about
the journey and not the
destination. It truly is
about getting more fa-
miliar with and comfort-
able in your own body.
Savor and enjoy the
deliciousness of you.
Corrine Underwood is a Cer-
tied Sex, Relationship and
Intimacy Coach, Somatic
Therapist Apprentice, Consent
Practitioner and Sexual
Health Educator
Visit her site >>
Mobile Cafe Service
in Vancouver & Area
Call (604)800-8868
to book

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Roaming Coffee
By Shannon Peel
There is no doubt
that Vancouverites love
their coffee, all one has
to do is take a walk to
discover we have a
healthy coffee culture
and a variety of coffee
house options on al-
most every corner.
In 2015, Benny
Doro saw a need in
Vancouver for a Euro-
pean style mobile cof-
fee shop to bring our
favourite beverages to
places where coffee
shops were not readily
available.
He found a small
sleek van and had it
outtted with an indus-
trial espresso machine,
a Cummings genera-
tor, a sink, and fridge,
along with everything
else one needs to
make great tasting cof-
fee.
Over the last four
years the van has
served coffee on movie
sets, on site TV sets,
at markets, in parking
lots, on the street, and
in industrial parks.
To learn about the
company, I spent some
time serving coffee and
handing out their de-
licious banana bread
to employees of an
industrial plant. It was
fun getting to know the
guys as they started
their work day with a
coffee, a treat, and a
smile.
It really is the ‘ex-
tra’ little things we do
to make someone else
happy, which makes
the world a better
place. The great thing
about this little van is it
brings smiles to others
in the form of coffee
and pastry.
Coffee always
makes me smile, what
about you?
Is it better to have
loved and lost than nev-
er to have loved at all?
My friends love men
and nd themselves
hurt by them. My phone
rings with stories of
betrayal, insecurity, and
miscommunication. I
listen, offer comfort, and
give advice. Some of
their stories about the
selsh men they date
make me furious and I
tell them to kick ‘em to
the curb.
I know, dating is hard
and loneliness can
hurt, but it’s better to be
alone than with a self-
ish, uncaring, person -
man or woman.
I have seen love
I know good men.
Men who love the wom-
an in their lives. They
protect, provide, and
care for her. They sup-
port, champion, and
scream out to the world
about how wonderful
she is. And she is. The
women I know who are
loved by a good man,
are amazing women.
They are supportive,
caring, and respectful
of their man. They are
his cheerleader, his
condent, and his best
friend.
I have seen love
modelled my whole life,
in my grandparents’, my
parents’, my uncle’s, my
aunt’s, my cousins’, and
my brother’s relation-
ships. They have a part-
nership, which makes
both people stronger.
Why People Think
I’m a Man Hater
I kick men to the
curb too quickly, as
soon as their behaviour
makes me feel bad, and
it doesn’t take much to
make me feel bad.
I inhibit love because
it takes more trust
than I have to be open
enough with a man
about who I am. I have
little patience for men
who want a booty call
girl and less patience
for men who disappear
and then reappear. I am
Unlovable because I
choose to not let men’s
bad behaviours into
my life and walk away
when they make me
feel bad.
Some single men
behave badly and they
don’t care about whom
they hurt in the pro-
cess. After my divorce
I attracted men who
seemed to be playing
the game of who can
be the biggest jerk of
the year. I attracted the
worst types, abusive
men, horny immature
Hate the
Behaviour
not the men
By Shannon Peel

Mobile users swipe screen like turning a page

Mobile users swipe screen like turning a page

men, and angry men.
My dating experi-
ence inspired the idea
for the series #ThatsLife
Everything from get-
ting stood up to having
my keys disappear so I
couldn’t leave. Men who
wanted to feel better by
making a woman feel
bad about themselves
ocked to me. I have no
shortage of bad dating
stories.
Do I hate Men?
No, just the single
middle aged ones. Just
Kidding, I do not hate
them. I struggle to un-
derstand them. I know
there are some who
don’t care about women
beyond their own phys-
ical needs and don’t
care whom they hurt as
long as they get what
they are after. However,
most men don’t want
to hurt women who are
looking for love.
There are very few
single middle aged
men who treat a wom-
an with respect or put
in an effort to impress
one because they were
brought up when roles
were changing and
women punished them
if they even tried to be
chivalrous. These single
guys are protecting their
hearts because they got
hurt, used, and abused
by women.
Men told me dates
are more like job inter-
views and women feel
like men think they are
ordering off a sex a la
carte menu when they
contact them.
Online dating is like
catalogue shopping
and some people forget
there is a real person
on the other side of the
screen.
I’ve been hurt by
men’s actions and felt
like who I am did not
matter to any of them.
I gave up and chose to
focus on other things
besides love.
One day, I might
meet a great guy who
is single. Until then, I
chose to forgo love and
live life alone. Does that
make me a man-hater?
I know it’s daunt-
ing thinking about
your rst Valentine’s
Day post-breakup.
As a breakup coach,
I help people redis-
cover themselves af-
ter a breakup. And,
as someone who’s
had her fair share of
breakups, I know it can
be painful to watch
everyone else cele-
brating while you’re,
well—miserable. You
despise the fact that
this peudo-holiday just
rubs it in your face that
you’re no longer in a
relationship. (Thanks,
as if I need full-blow
romantic couples just
rubbing their love and
lust right in my face
while my heart is torn
wide open.)
But, you’re also
kind of aware that you
actually enjoy this day,
but just not this year.
You love it when you’re
celebrating. (Duh.)
This Valentine’s Day,
I’ve got you covered.
You deserve to still
participate in the day,
even without the over-
priced owers and
three-week waitlisted
restaurants with xed-
menu specials.
Alright, let’s dive in.
AT-HOME SPA AND
SELF-CARE NIGHT
If you’re fresh
out of a relationship,
chances are you really
don’t want to leave the
house this Valentine’s
Day. As such, I strongly
suggest drawing the
best bath (apparently
the best bath temp is
90F-105F) and giving
yourself some much
needed TLC. I don’t
know about you but
there is nothing a good
bath cannot solve in
my life. (But if that
doesn’t work, then I
call my mother.)
Here’s how to turn your
bath into the full spa
experience:
•Your favourite glass
of wine (red or white
ladies, I don’t discrimi-
nate) or opt for a sexy
cocktail
•A relaxing playlist
(Spotify has so many
spa playlists)
•Put your phone on
silent so you don’t feel
a pull to check your
phone (and keep it in a
different room)
•A few drops of scent-
ed essential oils or
bubble bath for an
aromatic experience
(I personally love this
bottle of Lavender)
•A bathrobe to wear
Surviving A
Break Up
by Nancy Ruth Deen

Mobile users swipe screen like turning a page

Mobile users swipe screen like turning a page

MOVIE MARATHON
WITH FRIENDS
Whenever I’m feel-
ing blue, or just feel-
ing like I don’t want
to leave the house,
there’s a movie for
every mood. I’ll be hon-
est; I have nights when
I don’t actually know
how I’m feeling, and I
let my mood gure out
what movie is best to
soothe me. (I can’t be
the only one who does
this?)
When it comes to
movie marathons, I’ve
got 2 options for you.
Host a movie night
with friends this Valen-
tine’s Day and avoid
crowds and couples
altogether. No sense
in getting triggered
today and spiralling
into those obsessive
thoughts over your ex.
If you want to take
it to another level, feel
free to watch the last 3
decades of horror mov-
ies.
A solo movie
night. You’re likely a
hard-working woman
who rarely (never?)
cuts herself a break
enough to let herself
truly binge Netix. Let
yourself tonight, got it?
You’ve got nowhere to
be, so let yourself en-
joy this time.
MID-DAY SOLO DATE
If you still want to
go out, but don’t want
to be bombarded by
all the couples every-
where, opt for a solo
lunch date.
Most couples are
likely reserving the
restaurants for the eve-
ning, so why not take
today to treat yourself
to that [insert luxury
item] that you’ve been
eyeing. (Just dooooo
it!)
DONATE TO A
WORTHY CAUSE
Don’t want to buy
anything for yourself?
Let me ask you this:
how much would you
have spent on your
signicant other for
their gift and for the
evening?
Use that money and
give it to a worthy
cause. If you are read-
ing this when it’s post-
ed, Australia’s wildlife
really needs the funds.
Here’s how to donate
(across to the end of
the article.)
When we are hav-
ing a tough time emo-
tionally, we need to
reach out and give
to others who are in
need.
When I’m having a
tough day, I head over
to my local meditation
centre, and they often
remind me that when
I’m feeling deep in my
despair, it’s best to
serve others and take
the focus off of me for
a moment. We can get
so caught up in what’s
not going right for us
that sometimes we
forget that others are
having a harder time
right now.
GET GUIDANCE
AROUND LOVE AND
RELATIONSHIPS
Make Valentine’s
Day a productive one
by hiring a coach to
support you in your
love life. Last year this
was a fun, motivating
and popular option for
those recently out of a
relationship.
There’s no better
time than your breakup
to start getting clarity
on who you are tru-
ly looking to attract
in your life—who is
aligned with where you
are, and where you
want to go.
Maybe you’re -
nally out of that toxic
relationship, or nally
made the commitment
to yourself to leave a
relationship that wasn’t
progressing. Now you
can start manifesting
the right relationship
for you. (To manifest:
create what you want
with the mind rst, so
that it can appear into
your reality.)
It’s time to take all
the crap that happened
in your last relationship
and make Valentine’s
Day lemonade, damnit.
If you want to redis-
cover yourself after a
breakup, book a con-
sult with me here.
CREATE A
VISION BOARD
When I left my last
relationship, I was
all about “creating
my future” and vision
boards became my
best friend. They’re
not just woo-woo or for
people in their 20s; in
fact, Oprah, Will Smith,
Steve Harvey and Jim
Carrey all believe in
them, and have seen
how much they truly
work. (Why: because
they keep you focused
on your actual goals.)
You’ve heard of the
vision board, but what
is it, exactly?
Well, it’s where you
put images and words
of things, experiences,
and people you want
in your life. It’s the ulti-
mate manifesting tool.
Try it! (I love the word
manifesting, in case
you haven’t noticed.)
Feel free to do this
one during your mov-
ie marathon, or with
friends. Use Canva or
the old-fashioned way:
What you need to
make a gorgeous and
inspiring vision board:
• White glue (that dries
clear)
• Old magazines (yikes
they’re like $6+ these
days!) to clip them
• Bristol board
• Scissors
• Printed photos from
the internet
• 2-3 hours of uninter-
rupted time to get into
ow
• Killer music/movie
playlist
Please send me your
Vision board, I’d love to
see what you come up
with!
OTHER TIPS TO
REMEMBER WHILE
GOING THROUGH A
BREAKUP
Everyday is going to
feel different, so em-
brace what emotions
come through. Don’t let
how tough yesterday
was to determine how
today will be.
Give yourself per-
mission to feel sad.
The more you embrace
the emotion, the soon-
er it’ll pass. (I know it
doesn’t feel like it, but it
will).
Try not to rush the
process. I know you
want to be done with
the emotions, but they
are serving a purpose.
What that purpose is,
well—that’s part of the
process. You’re healing
through this.
Be kind to yourself.
I know you might be
defaulting to thinking
how you could have
prevented the break-
up, or where you could
have been a “better”
partner. The reality
is that this is time for
you to turn inward and
deepen your compas-
sion for yourself. When
you place all this guilt
and blame on yourself,
you’re punishing your-
self. Breakups don’t
serve to punish us, but
to teach us, and help
us heal.
Know that you are
progressing, even if it
doesn’t always feel like
it. If you have one good
day, followed by a terri-
ble day, you’re not re-
gressing, as you might
think. This is all part of
the process. Process
isn’t linear, and break-
ups are no exception to
this rule.
Nancy Ruth Deen is a breakup
Coach helping people rediscover
themslves aer a breakup. Visit
her website.

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Eugenia talks about the single life
Listen to her interview on UnPeeled

Mobile users swipe screen like turning a page

It was supposed to
be easy. Create proles
on dating sites, chat up
men, go on dates, have
fun, and fall in love.
Easy. - Ya right.
What was I think-
ing? That men were
simple? They were
easy to understand?
They’d want a woman
like me to love? Boy
was I wrong.
I am a condent,
intelligent, and easy
going woman. I can
talk about a number
of issues and create
an environment where
people feel comfortable
telling me their stories.
I’d rather listen to
someone else than talk
about myself, however,
the minute I meet a guy
for coffee I get nervous
and turn into a babbling
idiot who can’t shut
up. I talk and share
and talk and share too
much, until any quality
guy gets up, shakes my
hand, and says “Thank
you very much,” before
running out the door.
Men and women
need different things.
We communicate dif-
ferently. We have our
own agendas... And...
We are emotional op-
posites who react in a
way the other gender
nds completely mys-
terious. Trust me guys,
women are just as
mystied by your be-
haviours as you are by
ours. All this difference
causes miscommunica-
tion and hurt feelings.
Not to mention, by
the time we are over
40 our hearts are cov-
ered in scar tissue and
the lessons we learned
from those who hurt
us hinder our ability to
trust others completely.
Marriages Fail
I have read Face-
book posts by women
whose husbands cheat-
ed on them. I talk to
men who tell me their
ex-wives stopped inter-
acting with them in the
bedroom. I read about
women who were left
with nothing because
their husband’s took
all the money. I have
met men whose wives
racked up numerous
credit cards over and
over again, causing
them nancial hardship.
There are numerous
reasons why marriages
fail.
My marriage failed
because I couldn’t keep
a house clean enough
or nd a full time job. I
tried. I tried hard. Every
day I was yelled at and
threatened because I
couldn’t keep the house
showhome clean and
wasn’t bringing in mon-
ey. During the last ve
years of our marriage,
I was unable to nd a
secure full time job and
Becoming
Unlovable
By Shannon Peel

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it destroyed my self
condence. The more
my condence chipped
away, the worse my
marriage became.
In the end I became
- Unlovable.
The thing is, after
divorce we are all in-
secure. Both men and
women need some-
thing from each other
to boost our self-con-
dence. Once again, we
need different things.
Men need to feel they
are sexually attractive
to bed as many wom-
en as possible to feel
‘Good Enough’ as a
man. Women need to
feel they are sexually
attractive to be loved
and cherished by one
man to feel ‘Good
Enough’ as a woman.
These two goals are
in direct opposition to
each other and cause
the other to feel ‘Not
Good Enough.’ (Note:
There are outliers
- Think of these be-
haviours as masculine
and feminine, which
both genders can
adopt in varying de-
grees.)
Like many recent-
ly divorced people, I
was a mess after my
divorce. My ex told me
every day I was not
good enough to love
and showed me the
proof by pointing out all
the mistakes I made.
Online, many use
words and actions to
feel powerful as they
punish virtual people
instead of their exes,
are looking for some-
thing they miss or their
exes didn’t give them.
Most men messag-
ing me asked which
sexual acts I would
perform or let them
perform, as if they
were ordering off a sex
a la carte menu and
that was the only val-
ue I had as a woman.
I have big boobs. A
curvy gure. And sexy
eyes, or so I’ve been
told by countless men
trying to convince me
they are actually look-
ing at my eyes and
not the large melons
attached to my chest.
Basically, men seem to
have a hard time see-
ing beyond my ample
assets to nd out who I
am underneath.
I took every com-
ment, every slight, ev-
ery cruel act as more
evidence of being
“Not Good Enough” to
love, until I believed
I was unlovable and
the proof was in how
men saw me, deval-
ued me, and treated
me. They did not want
to know me as a per-
son. They did not care
how their actions hurt
me. They did not care
if they ground the last
of my self condence
into dust. Most men I
met online did not want
to know me, they only
wanted to know what I
could do to them or for
them. Is it any wonder I
became bitter and jad-
ed.
As long as I tried
to get them to see
me, value me, or love
me, I enabled them
to grind away at my
soul. I jumped through
their hoops to get their
attention and was
surprised when they
then tossed me, belit-
tled me, or dismissed
me. I did not demand
they treat me better. I
didn’t stick around long
enough for them to get
to know me.
My rule was, if they
made me feel bad
about myself, I was
gone, and it didn’t take
much for them to hurt
me. I went through
a lot of men, most of
whom I never met in
the real world because
they made me feel bad
before we even got to
the ‘Let’s have a cof-
fee’ stage in the pro-
cess.
I believed their be-
haviour towards me
proved my ex-husband
was right - I am “Not
Good Enough” to love.
By constantly showing
up online and engaging
with them, I collected
more evidence of my
lack of worth and this
lead me to believe I
was Unlovable.
I never saw their
behaviour for what it
really was, their own
pain. They didn’t care
about me, they didn’t
even think about me,
they did not know me.
Their behaviour was
not about me or my
worth. They were only
trying to put a salve on
their own cuts, meet
their own needs, and
nd what they want-
ed. They had no idea
they were being cruel
and when I started to
tell them how their be-
haviours affected me,
they disappeared be-
cause it added to their
own self hatred and
pain.
By calling them on
their shitty behaviour,
I was providing proof
they were unlovable,
which was not a kind
thing to do.
Unlovable
When I say, “I am
Unlovable,” people
tend to balk and push
back because how
can I possibly think
so negatively about
myself? Truth is, in
today’s middle-aged,
online, single environ-
ment, I am Unlovable
because I do not ‘t’
what men are looking
for. I rarely meet men
in the real world, and
if I do, I always seem
to read the situation
wrong and cause some
sort of issue. I don’t
let men who behave
poorly into my life and
most middle-aged men
in the dating pond have
their own hurts, issues,
and walls. They are
doing their best to get
what they want from
women without getting
hurt. We are all trying
to make a connection
and we keep missing
the mark because we
are all protecting our-
selves.
I am Unlovable be-
cause of my protection-
ist behaviour. I inhibit
love because it takes
more trust than I have.
I have little patience
for men who want a
booty call girl and less
patience for men who
disappear and then
reappear. I am Unlov-
able because I choose
to not let men’s bad
behaviours into my life
and walk away when
they treat me wrong.
A guy I met ve
years ago recent-
ly messaged me, he
asked if I’d found love.
“I gave up on love” I
said.
“Why? Because you
couldn’t nd a Prince to
Save you?”
“No. Because I dis-
covered life as a single
person is better than
being with someone. I
enjoy living life for me
and not having to con-
sider another person.”
Five years ago, my
response would have
been:
“Men don’t want to
love me. They want to
have fun with me but
won’t be seen with me
in the world. I’m not
good enough for quali-
ty guys to love.”
It took ve years for
my denition of Un-
lovable to switch from
‘They won’t love me”
to “I choose not to be
loved.” This makes all
the difference in my life
because now, I am in
the driver’s seat.
How men and wom-
en are treating each
other online is a vicious
circle. The way each
side communicates
with the other to get
what they want with lit-
tle regard for what they
can give is killing any
possibility of a healthy
relationship. As we
continue to disrespect
each other, we are cre-
ating more pain.
Women complain
about men treating
them like objects,
wanting only one thing,
and talking to them
like they are some a la
carte menu item.
Men complain about
women having the
same behaviour, the
only difference is the
subject matter. Women
are looking for good
jobs, cars, homes, and
to be taken care of.
Men are feeling who
they are doesn’t mat-
ter, all that matters is
their bank account bal-
ance. Hardly indicative
of a loving objective.
We bring our bag-
gage into the world of
dating and pour it out
onto others hoping
they will heal us, only
to nd we are lost in a
sea of garbage. Online
dating makes it easy to
nd single people and
some married ones
who shouldn’t be there,
however, it also makes
it easy for us to talk
to each other without
respect.
I don’t judge any-
one. At least I try not
to. I’ve been judged
by others who claim to
love me my whole life
and I came up short
every time. So, I don’t
want to be that way to
others. However, when
a guy, on online dat-
ing site, asks me if I’ll
breast feed him before
he even says, “Hello,”
it’s kind of hard not to
make a snap judgment
and delete the mes-
sage.
I am a Writer. At
least I call myself one.
I write about life as
a woman in the 21st
Century. A story about
being married, separat-
ed, divorced and all the
humour, heartbreak,
and absurdity that
comes with it. I draw
from many real life
stories, both mine and
others.
I have no idea
where this story is go-
ing to go. All I know.
Is dating is not easy. It
sucks and I am terri-
ble at it. I think there is
a funny story in there
and maybe, just may-
be, I’ll nd myself by
writing it. Judge me
if you want... I really
don’t care anymore
what others think.
To read past
APeeling
articles
go to the
Peeled blog.

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Always Something
By Shannon Peel
Excerpt from #ThatsLife
I step out of the shower
and put on Lindsay’s bath-
robe. Her and Charlie are
insisting on a full make-
over so they can take
photos of me for an online
dating prole, I am so not
sure about this. What guy
would want to date me?
I look at myself in the mir-
ror.
I am short and too thin,
I look like a child with an
adult head. I don’t have
any curves, no tits, and
I have at, thin, mousy
brown, hair with some
grey strands running
through it. My nose is
crooked from when I broke
it. My brown eyes are too
close together and too big
for my long face. I am not
pretty. I am ugly. Craig is
right. No man will want to
love me.
Knock! Knock!
“Hey Sophie come on,
hurry up.”
It’s Lindsay. I don’t
know why she’s being so
nice to me. I don’t deserve
it. I open the door and she
descends on me, pulling
me toward a chair that is
facing the wall of windows
overlooking the bay.
“Charlie, can you hand
me that bag?”
Lindsay stops combing
out my hair, as she grabs
the bag of large Velcro
rollers, and then proceeds
to wrap them into my hair.
I can see my reection in
the glass and I look like
something from a Sci-Fi
movie, with the rollers on
my head.
“Here Sophie.”
Charlie hands me a
glass of wine and I sip it,
while listening to the two
women chatter on about
dating and men. The hor-
ror stories about men be-
having badly are not help-
ing my nerves. If anything,
these tales make me want
to curl up into a ball and
hide.
“There are very few
decent single men and
the competition is erce.”
Charlie says.
“What are you talking
about? There are lots of
good men out there, you
are just jaded and don’t
give any man a chance.”
“Really? Remember
Red Flag Guy.”
“Well, you don’t have
to answer all their ques-
tions honestly, especially
on the rst date. You have
to keep the bad stuff to
yourself. You have to get
them to see the good stuff
rst, then you can let them
know about the bad stuff.
I’m sure he is a decent
guy, you scared him away
is all.”
“Red ag guy?” I ask.
“He’s this guy who I
went on date with. It was
a good date, started with
coffee, moved to dinner
and then a walk. He asked
me a million questions
about my life, my past,
and my family. The date
went really well, at least
I thought it had, the next
day he messages me tell-
ing me that he isn’t inter-
ested because I set off too
many red ags.”
“You did?” I ask.
I wonder what red ags
she could set off. Who
would think she has any
red ags? I am a pile of
It's All For Love
red ags. I have no job, no
money, no things, and, as
Craig says, I’m useless.
I have nothing to offer a
man. I’m not intelligent like
Charlie. I’m not beautiful
like Lindsay. If these two
women can’t nd love,
how am I ever going to?
“According to him, I
did. I asked him what he
meant and all he said was
I was too much to take
because I had too many
issues.”
“What issues could you
have?”
“We all have our issues
Sophie and men judge
us within two seconds
of seeing us. I’m too fat,
too angry, too jaded, too
unforgiving. According to
some.”
She looks directly at
Lindsay as she says the
last words.
“I never said you’re
too fat, some men love
curves.”
“Yeah, the perverted
ones and the jerks like,
the stomach ache guy.”
She takes a long sip of
her wine. “That guy was
the crème de la crème of
rudeness, the only thing I
could do when he left was
laugh. It was that, or cry.”
“What did he do?” I ask.
“He was this real-
ly hot Australian cyclist
athlete. He said he was
here coaching a team of
cyclists who competed in
international races. He
was t and hot.”
“You only cared about
what he looked like, so
why give him such a hard
time?” Lindsay asks.
“His looks might have
got me to the coffee shop,
but he was enough to turn
me off Australian men
for life. He wasn’t there
to date me. He’d made a
date with my boobs and
wasn’t too happy that I’d
come along with them.”
“Your boobs?” I ask.
“I swear, I could have
mugged the guy at gun-
point and the only de-
scription he could have
given the police was the
roundness of my size Hs.
He even had to put on his
sunglasses, so that he
didn’t feel obvious about
staring. At one point, he
had the audacity to tell me
that the only reason he
wanted to meet me, was
to see what Hs looked like.
Photo from Pixabay (Gerd Altman)
What a waste of skin.”
“Why do you call him
the stomach guy?” I ask.
“Because, he start-
ed dgeting, like he was
uncomfortable and then
told me he had a stomach
ache. I offered him some
antacids, but he said they
wouldn’t work, and bolt-
ed for the door to his car.
That’s one way to ee
from a bad date. I looked
around the room and saw
the people sitting there,
staring, I had to laugh, it’s
all I could do.”
“That’s terrible. How
mean of him.” I say.
“He probably had a
huge heart on and needed
to deal with it.” Lindsay
says.
“That’s typical. Be
grateful that you don’t
have huge watermelon
tits, like me Sophie. I tell
you, all men want is sex
when they look at me.
They don’t respect me.
They talk to me like I’m
some kind of porn star or
prostitute, and then get
their shirts in a knot when
I call them on it. Men don’t
like a ashlight being
shined on their shameful
behaviours.”
“So what if they want
sex? Have fun. Use them
to get what you need from
them and move on until
you nd the one you can
have mind blowing sex
with, then fuck him until
you get bored.” Lindsay
says and I shutter.
“Why would you want
to tell her that? Sophie,
you are in charge of this
game called dating. It is
what you want it to be.
If you want to go wild,
go wild, lots of men are
searching for women like
Lindsay here, who can
have sex without mixing in
emotions. I can’t. I’m not
built that way. I need to
matter, I need to be cher-
ished, and I need to be the
only one.”
“You need to stop drag-
ging what happened with
David behind you. Cut the
baggage free, move on
and have fun. Have lots of
partners until you nd the
one you want.” Lindsay
says.
“And end up with some
STD, no thanks.” Char-
lie takes a sip. “I have
enough issues when I
break down, and sleep
with one of the idiots,
thank you very much, I
don’t need to add more
heartache and embar-
rassment by sleeping with
whatever guy says ‘hey
sexy.’
“I didn’t say you should
sleep with every guy who
wants to, just those you
want to fuck.”
“What about your men?
Like Tony.”
“Which Tony?” Lindsay
asks.
“Exactly.”
“There’s more than one
Tony?” I ask.
“There’s three.” Char-
lie says. “Old Tony, Boat
Tony, and New Tony. Each
of them has hurt Lindsay
and she keeps going back.
No matter what they do
to her, she forgives them,
makes excuses for them
and goes back.”
“They care about me.”
“Caring has nothing to
do with it. Boat Tony. You
always give him what he
Photo from Pixabay (Gerd Altman)
Sophie: Recently separated with two kids. She has left
an abusive marriage and has little in the way of resources.
She is scared and has a lot of healing to do.
Five Women
Navigating Life in the
21st Century.
Purchase #ThatsLife
Books #2 - #4
wants and then he hurts
you on purpose, so you’ll
go away, until he wants
you again. You’re always
in tears because of the
things he says to you
afterwards, and he’s cruel.
Telling you shit like you’re
just some slut and that
he’s had better sex with
his hand.”
“It’s part of a game we
play. He doesn’t mean any
of it.”
“Lindsay, you deserve
better. You have to stop
calling him and texting
him, you have to delete his
number. He is using you
and he doesn’t care about
you.”
“He does. He doesn’t
really want to hurt me.
It’s just a game. He says
mean things, I send him
a sad face, and then
he asks me over. We’re
friends. He knows that I’m
there for him.”
Some game. If a man
treats me like that, I’ll be
devastated.
“But he’s not there for
you when you need him to
be, only if he doesn’t have
someone better to do at
the time. I’m constantly
yelling at him after he’s
hurt you. He doesn’t de-
serve you.”
“He does. He just
needs to realize it.”
I can see the frustration
on Charlie’s face and I can
feel it in myself. If what
Charlie is saying is true,
why would Lindsay defend
the man? If he hurts her
feelings on purpose, what
kind of man is he?
“What about Old Tony.”
I ask to change the sub-
ject.
“Oh yes, Old Tony.
How long have you known
him?”
“I don’t know twenty or
so years?”
“He’s her playmate,
whenever they are both
single. He doesn’t take her
out, won’t be seen in pub-
lic with her, won’t love her.
Isn’t that his rule, don’t fall
in love with me?”
“That’s a rule most of
my men have. He’d take
me out, if I asked him, I
don’t want to go out with
him, I only want to play
with him.”
“Yet, he’s looking for
love. He wants to nd
someone to marry and be
with him, just not Lindsay.
Free Download of the First
Issue of the #ThatsLife Series
Our gift to you.
She’s good enough to
fuck, but not good enough
to love.”
I cringe. I felt the slap
that Charlie just gave her.
“Hey, that’s not fair. He
loves me. We’re friends.
He cares about me.”
“I know he cares about
you and wants you to be
happy. He told me that
much, and I believe him.
Still, you are worth more
than a ‘fun time’ with him.
You are standing right
there in front of him, this
wonderful, loving, beautiful
woman, and he won’t love
you.”
“I’m not what he wants.
We are friends. That’s it.
I don’t love him that way.
He’s there for me when-
ever I need him. I call and
he tells me to come over.
He takes my mind off my
troubles.”
“You deserve better. If
you’re upset, he should
take you out to dinner and
talk to you.”
“We talk, he gives me
advice, and we order in or
he cooks for me. We have
fun. Why can’t you under-
stand that?”
“I think you deserve to
be loved.”
“Well, it won’t ever be
Old Tony, maybe Boat
Tony will let down his de-
fences and let me in. He
is too scared to love me.
I just need to be patient
with him.”
“You’d be better off with
New Tony.”
“He made his choice.”
“Choice?” I ask.
“He liked someone else
more than me. That’s all.
No big deal.”
“No big deal? You were
hurt.”
“He didn’t want to hurt
me. He cared about me.
I just wasn’t the one he
wanted.”
“That’s a big deal Lind-
say. He was an idiot not
to see what I see in you.
They all are.”
I am beginning to won-
der why they want me to
start dating, considering
their experiences. How I
can get out of it? It doesn’t
sound like fun, if anything
it sounds awful. Men are
so heartless, hurtful, and
unkind.
Why am I doing this?
I look at my reection.
Lindsay has begun blow
drying my hair. If someone
as beautiful, fun, and rich
as Lindsay and someone
as smart, strong, and con-
dent as Charlie, can’t nd
men to love them, what
chance do I have?
I won’t survive getting
rejected.
I won’t survive being
hurt.
I have nothing to offer
a man.

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