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LOOKING BACKA RECOUNTBY MHAIRI DUNCAN
TOPIC 1: RECOUNTLOOKING BACKIt all happened back in the January of2021 whilst I was blissfully asleep anddreaming in bed. I had been living andworking in Darwin as an English teacherand, in my spare time, I would go toCrossfit sessions and sweat oceans ofsweat. I thought back then that I waspretty fit, pretty strong. I was wrong. At2am in the morning something wentwrong, and the most painful part of mylife began as my back began to crumble. I woke up screaming. Normally, the softsound of crickets chirping and airconwhirring are the only things you canhear in the night. But on that night thesound of my screams must have beenheard all the way through my apartmentbuilding and possibly down the wholestreet. The pain shot, like lightningbolts, all the way down my left sidefrom my face to my toes. With eachlightning bolt, I screamed out into thenight.
Grabbing my phone, I dialled theambulance and pleaded down the phonefor help. I breathed heavily trying to tellthem what was wrong.“I need an ambulance. Something iswrong.”Then suddenly, before I knew it, theparamedic was there. Without anytrouble at all they rolled and lifted meonto a stretcher and into the back of theambulance. The lights in there wereblinding. Bright, bright white. I supposelooking back they needed to be thatbright so they could see what they weredoing. Next, they hooked me up to monitorswhich told them my heart rate and bloodpressure. The machines beeped and thesound of the siren drowned out myscreams. They must have given me apowerful painkiller because the nextthing I knew, I was in the hospital gettingready for surgery.
The bed I lay in was flat and hard. Thesheets were crisp and wrapped tightlyaround my body. A plastic oxygen maskcovered my mouth and was forcingoxygen into my nervous lungs. The lightsabove dazzled me with their brightness.Nurses were bustling around me doinglots of jobs which involved poking andprodding me trying to get me ready forsurgery. Suddenly, one nurse appeared above mein my eye line. “Mhairi, my name is Otaro. I’m going tobe looking after you. The doctors havefound that you’ve broken the L5/S1 discin your back. It’s stuck in your nerve, andwe have to take it out.”
I don’t think I have ever been so scared.How did I manage to break my back…inmy sleep? I could feel my heart beatingin my chest and heat going to my cheeks.The idea that they were about to cut intomy back scared me beyond belief.Negative thoughts started to whizzaround in my head. What if somethingwent wrong? Would I be paralysed?Would someone tell school that Iwouldn’t be turning up to worktomorrow? Nerves and anxiety sprinted through mybody. I wanted to jump up, run away andhide, but I could not move for all thetubes coming out of my body. Thankfully,Otaro came over at that moment, satnext to me and held my hand in his. Hiswords were so soothing, and I realisedthat I was in good hands. He asked me tocount back from ten, so I did.
“Ten, nine, eight.” Then the world wentblack as the surgeons took their places tocut into my back and pull the brokenpiece of disc from my nerve. The next thing I remember was waking upin recovery and being told everythinghad gone well. I lay back in the bed,closed my eyes and tried to calm down. Iknew I had been lucky. Living in anapartment in Darwin City meant that theambulance got to me quickly and I gotthe cared I needed lightening fast. Butalso, breaking something in your backcan be so serious. At least I would still beable to walk and be back up on my feetthe next day. I knew I was lucky to haveexpert surgeons and nurses around mewho knew how to care for me. Lookingback, I have such gratitude for that andrespect for what they are able to do. I still don’t know how I managed to breakit although the doctors think I must havelifted something too heavy in the gym.From now on, I know I will be morecareful because you only get one backand if you hurt it beyond repair, younever get it back.