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Reflections onReflections onMindfulness &Mindfulness &Inner PeaceInner PeaceChristopher Shea, MA, CRAT, CAC-AD, LCCChristopher Shea, MA, CRAT, CAC-AD, LCC

Table Of ContentsTable Of Contents5 Reasons Why Inner Peace Is Important5 Reasons Why Inner Peace Is Important5 Reasons Why Inner Peace Is Important 1How To Find Your Inner Peace 55 Tips on How Mindfulness Will Change Your Life 85 Reasons Why Mindfulness Matters 11Mindfulness Trainings for a Peace Filled Life 15Successfully Coping With Adversity 18(c) Christopher Shea, author

5 Reasons Why Inner Peace Is5 Reasons Why Inner Peace IsImportantImportantSo many of us are seeking inner peace that the question of why inner peaceis important comes to the forefront. Inner peace is a concept which I speakand write about quite frequently. For me, the pursuit of inner peace is moreimportant and vital then the search for happiness or success. Happiness isnothing more but a fleeting emotion, and success can be taken from us justas easily as it can be gained. But true inner peace is permanent.Inner peace is not just for those who dedicate their lives to prayer orspirituality. Inner peace is attainable regardless of our lifestyle or occupation.As I have previously written, inner peace can be found as we learn tomindfully view ourselves and the world around us.I define inner peace as a state of emotional and mental peace withoutdisturbing thoughts, and recognizing our control over our moods andreactions. It is essential for inner peace that we believe it’s possible and thatwe believe we are in control of our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Oncewe truly believe and acknowledge this, the foundation for inner peace hasbeen built.When one attains inner peace you find that you are able to cope, in a healthyway, with any event or situation happening around you. inner peace does nottake away or eliminate our anxieties or fears, rather inner peace allows us tocope with those anxieties and fears, through which we learn and movebeyond those anxieties. Neither anxieties or fears are possible to beeliminated, but anxieties and fears can be utilized as a means for furthergrowth.In my private practice and in speaking with people in general, I find thatmost people do not believe that inner peace is possible. I can understandwhy this feeling exists since many of us don't have inner peace. But justbecause we don't have it does not mean that it’s not attainable. Please referto some of my previous writings to learn how to attain inner peace as thisarticle is not focused on the how but on the why. It's my hope that if weunderstand why inner peace is important we may be encouraged to strive to(c) Christopher Shea, author

attain inner peace.5 Reasons Why Inner Peace Is5 Reasons Why Inner Peace IsImportantImportantHere are but a few of the reasons that I feel inner peace is important. I'vereflected on these in my own experience along with the experiences of myclients. This in no way is an exhaustive list but rather a start for you to add onto."I define inner peace as a state of emotional and mental peacewithout disturbing thoughts, and recognizing our control overour moods and reactions."— Chris Shea(c) Christopher Shea, author

5 Reasons Why Inner Peace Is5 Reasons Why Inner Peace IsImportantImportant1. It improves our ability to focus our mind. In today's world there aremany distractions which cause us anxiety and worry. The anxiety andworry which we feel is not productive and causes us to lose focus onourselves and our families. Inner peace teaches us the proper coping methods so that we can turn our anxiety and worry into action stepswhile maintaining the focus of our mind on what is truly important inour lives.2. It helps us to show patience and tolerance. If you have any dealingswith social media you are fully aware of the lack of tolerance andpatience people seem to have these days. Inner peace allows us to bepatient and tolerant of the views of others without the need for angerreactions or responses. Inner peace teaches us that through patiencewe can better understand the situation and therefore betterunderstand solutions to the problems.3. It provides us the ability to sleep better. Many of us do not get theproper amount of sleep either because we are overworked or ourminds are overworked. Since inner peace helps us to cope with ourstresses and anxieties it allows our minds to not only focus but to slowdown thus enabling us to gain a good night sleep.4. It enables us to enjoy happiness. Happiness is but a eeting emotionalthough an emotion which does not happen easily these days.Having an inner peace and therefore less stress and anxiety allows usto more deeply feel our happy moments. As we practice mindful livingand a sense of inner peace those moments of happiness feel greaterand seem to last longer.5. It improves our relationships with others. How we feel about ourselvesis how we perceive the world around us. That perception of the worldguides our responses and actions. If I am feeling an inner peace myview of myself will be improved, therefore the world around me willseem better and brighter which will lead to more positive reactionsand actions on my part. The more positive that I can be in myrelationships the more positivity I will receive from the other.(c) Christopher Shea, author

How To Find Your Inner PeaceHow To Find Your Inner PeaceHow To Find Your Inner PeaceHow To Find Your Inner PeaceI know from experience that finding and living with inner peace is possible.I'm not speaking academically or theoretically, but personally. Once you canbelieve that inner peace is attainable for you then you too can work towardgaining inner peace. The reasons why inner peace is important are many! It'smy hope that as you work on your own inner peace you will add to my list.As a counselor and a life coach, it is unfortunate that I wasn’t provided anyformal education to prepare me to use mindfulness. But, after becomingpersonally aware of mindfulness and how it led me to find my inner peace, Imade it my mission to teach people how to find your inner peace.Historically, the arrival of mindfulness to the US is attributed to Jon Kabat-Zinn. Kabat-Zinn is Professor of Medicine Emeritus and creator of the StressReduction Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, andSociety at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. Kabat-Zinn wasfirst introduced to the philosophy of Buddhism while he was a student atMIT. Later, in 1979, he founded the Stress Reduction Clinic at the Universityof Massachusetts Medical School, where he adapted Buddhist teachings onmindfulness and developed the Stress Reduction and Relaxation Program. Helater renamed the program “Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction” (MBSR),removing the Buddhist framework and eventually downplayed anyconnection between mindfulness and Buddhism, instead putting MBSR in ascientific context. To this day Kabat-Zinn downplays the connection ofmindfulness to Buddhism, yet I feel his downplaying of Buddhism is a meansof bringing mindfulness into the mainstream; which is occurring.In 2013 Kabat-Zinn describes mindfulness as “a means of paying attention ina particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”(c) Christopher Shea, author

How To Find Your Inner PeaceHow To Find Your Inner PeaceHow does the study of mindfulness translate into a daily practice to find yourinner peace? A bit over 5 years ago I made a significant job change which“forced” me, as a type A person, to slow down. At the time I wasn't yetconsciously aware that I was beginning to live mindfully. As I slowed myselfinternally and externally, I focused my thoughts and attention to the presentmoment. No longer was I dwelling on my past nor anxious about my future.This was quite the change for me as I used to be the king of anxiety andworry!It was during this time I'm my life when I discovered Jon Kabat-Zinn'sdefinition of mindfulness I mentioned above: “a means of paying attention ina particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”Personally, the two key phrases inthis definition are important to meare “on purpose” and“nonjudgmentally”. To find yourinner-peace we need to consciouslymake the choice to spend time everyday focusing our attention on whatis happening around and within us.Our focus is not meant to judgewhat is happening, just to notice it,to experience it. As we becomeaware of our surroundings andinner self, we become aware of life’sjoys, sorrows, difficulties, potential, and hope. In this state of focusedawareness we are enabled to discover solutions.(c) Christopher Shea, author

How To Find Your Inner PeaceHow To Find Your Inner PeaceThe goal of mindfulness is for us to slow down enough to fully experience life.Mindfulness is not a means to avoid negative aspects of life, but to fully livethose experiences so as to learn how to cope with them in a healthy way.Many of us try to avoid negativity at all costs, only to discover that we may besuccessful at avoidance for a time, but eventually we are hit once again withthat which we were trying to avoid. Mindfulness asks us to be aware of all ofour emotions, to feel everything, even the negativity. In so doing, we end upcoping with all that life gives us, the positives and the negatives. Realizingthat we can cope with life, without needing to avoid life, teaches us necessaryskills for dealing with future events we will encounter.Living mindfully is a daily practice of noticing the little things. For example,one eats mindfully by doing so intentionally, savoring each bite rather thanrushing through a meal without truly tasting or appreciating the event.During your commute, or rushing from one task to another, we canmindfully (intentionally) notice the details of the flora, buildings, people,cracks in the sidewalk, etc. instead of missing those aspects of our lives.How can mindfulness lead you to finding your inner peace? The shortanswer: mindfulness guides us to live in the moment, for it is only in themoment where we have “control” in our lives. By control, I mean our abilityto change our thoughts and perceptions. If I allow my thoughts to remain ineither the past or the future, I suffer from stress and anxiety since I have nocontrol over those time periods. All that I can do with the past is learn it'slessons; in the future, all I can do is prepare, yet, in the present moment I amcapable of making changes to my thoughts and feelings as I feel them.Therefore, keeping my thoughts focused on the present moment allows meto feel and experience life to its fullest, while choosing the thoughts I wish tothink.(c) Christopher Shea, author

5 Tips on How Mindfulness Will5 Tips on How Mindfulness WillChange Your LifeChange Your LifeMindfulness has not only been effective for centuries, it is now proventhrough scientific research as a means of guiding us to finding your innerpeace. I'm not just a counselor teaching mindfulness; I'm also a practitionerof mindfulness who, in the moment, has found my inner peace.5 Tips on How Mindfulness Will Change Your Life5 Tips on How Mindfulness Will Change Your Life “Hey, did you see that?”“No, I missed it. What was it?”Does this conversation sound familiar? It sure does to me. My days were sobusy and hectic that I had no time to care to notice something other than thetask hand. At the end of each day I wondered where the day went! I hadalways lived that way, until recently.A few years ago I changed jobs to one which allowed me to have the summeroff. After 20 years of working year round, having a few months off wasstrange, and even unsettling. After a week without I had no idea what to dowith myself. I was ”forced” to slow down. It wasn't comfortable at first, butover time I started to discover that I was physically, mentally, and spirituallyslowing down. As I was slowing down I found myself feeling more peaceful.As the summer progressed I no longer was anxious, I didn't rush, and Ibegan to notice the world around me. (c) Christopher Shea, author

5 Tips on How Mindfulness Will5 Tips on How Mindfulness WillChange Your LifeChange Your LifeI wasn't yet consciously aware of this, but I was beginning to live mindfully.As I slowed myself I focused my thoughts and attention to the presentmoment. No longer was I dwelling on my past nor anxious about the future.Wow! What a change for me as previously I was the king of anxiety andworry!Mindfulness is commonly defined as: “a means of paying attention in aparticular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”(Jon Kabat-Zinn) Personally, the two key phrases in this definition which I feelare important are “on purpose” and “nonjudgmentally”. To find our inner-peace we need to consciously make the choice to spend time every dayfocusing our attention on what is happening around us and within us. Ourfocus is not meant to judge what is happening, just to notice it, to experienceit. As we become aware of our surroundings and inner self, we becomeaware of life’s joys and potential. In this state of focused awareness, we areenabled to see solutions; to see hope.The goal of mindfulness is for us to slow down enough to fully experience life.Mindfulness is not a means to avoid negative aspects of life, but to fully livethose experiences to learn how to cope with them in a healthy way. Many ofus try to avoid negativity, yet discover that we may be successful atavoidance for a time, yet once again we are hit with that which we wereavoiding. Mindfulness asks us to be aware of all of our emotions, to feeleverything, even the negativity. In so doing, we end up coping with what weat first wanted to avoid. Coping teaches us skills for dealing with futurenegativity in our lives.(c) Christopher Shea, author

5 Tips on How Mindfulness Will5 Tips on How Mindfulness WillChange Your LifeChange Your LifeLiving mindfully is a daily practice of noticing the little things. For example,one can eat mindfully by doing so intentionally, savoring each bite, and notrushing through a meal without truly tasting the food. During yourcommute, or rushing from one task to another, one can mindfully(intentionally) notice the details of the flora, buildings, people, cracks in thesidewalk, etc.How does mindfulness lead us to feeling peaceful? The short answer:mindfulness guides us to live in the moment, for it is only in the momentwhere we have “control” in our lives. By control, I mean our ability to changeour thoughts and perceptions. If I allow my thoughts to stay in either thepast or the future, I will suffer from stress and anxiety since I have no controlover those time periods. All that I can do with the past is to learn lessons; inthe future, all I can do is prepare, in the moment, for the unknown which hasyet to happen. Therefore, keeping my thoughts focused on the presentmoment allows me to feel life to its fullest, while choosing the thoughts I wishto think.A bit over 5 years later I now find myself living in a sense of peace. Does thismean that my life is now perfect? Not at all! What it does mean is thatthrough mindfulness I learned a new set of coping skills. This is what I'velearned since that summer:(c) Christopher Shea, author

5 Reasons Why Mindfulness Matters5 Reasons Why Mindfulness Matters1. Spend time each day in meditation, whether it be in stillness orwalking. Just 10-20 minutes a day will calm and center you.2. Each time my thoughts venture to either the past or the future, Iconsciously change my thoughts to the present moment.3. Spend time noticing the little things in life. Observe your surroundings,your feelings and your thoughts.4. If you notice that you don't like how you feel, our you are not feelingat peace, change your perspective and redo numbers 1-3 above.5. Always believe in hope, even if you don't feel hopeful at the moment.Hope and change is possible even without my belief in it.Inner-peace is attainable if we take the time to focus our thoughts on thepresent moment. It takes practice; I’m still working on it. But if you have thedesire to incorporate mindfulness into your daily practice, follow this maxim:“Progress, not perfection.” (Eds. Note: This article was originally published atYour Tango. Reprinted with permission from the author, Chris Shea)5 Reasons Why Mindfulness Matters5 Reasons Why Mindfulness MattersIf I were to ask you “what ultimately do you want from life?”, many of youwould answer “to be happy”; “to have money”; “to have success”; etc. We seekanswers from life, while our culture answers with “get more stuff and gainfame then you will feel happy”. Will this suffice as your answer to your lifequestion? Is that really what you want, or is there something else, somethingdeeper for which you long?During my time as a counselor I have worked with clients from every socio-economic status. Regardless of money or available material resources,everyone was seeking a common answer, namely, how to get a deep feelingof peace. As a result of their life struggles they came to realize that materialgoods and wealth is fleeting and can be lost. Therefore, they could no longerfind satisfaction in material goods.(c) Christopher Shea, author

5 Reasons Why Mindfulness Matters5 Reasons Why Mindfulness MattersWhat makes me different from other life coaches is that I'm not promisingyou your dreams. I work in leading you to find inner peace, resulting in a selflove expressed in action. My goal is not to make you successful, rich, orfamous. I don't care if you succeed or fail in aspects of your life. My goal is foryou to find inner peace despite what is happening in your life. The key isfound in your priorities and your perception.The way to find our peace is through the daily practice of mindfulness. Whydoes the practice of mindfulness matter? A bit over 5 years ago I made asignificant job change which “forced” me, as a type A person, to slow down.At the time I wasn't yet consciously aware that I was beginning to livemindfully. As I slowed myself internally and externally, I focused mythoughts and attention on the present moment. No longer was I dwelling onmy past nor anxious about my future. This was quite the change for me as Iused to be the king of anxiety and worry!It was during this time I'm my life when I discovered Jon Kabat-Zinn'sdefinition of mindfulness: “a means of paying attention in a particular way;on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.” Personally, thetwo key phrases in this definition which are important to me are “onpurpose” and “nonjudgmentally”. To find inner-peace we need to consciouslymake the choice to spend time every day focusing our attention on what ishappening around and within us. Our focus is not meant to judge what ishappening, just to notice it, to experience it. As we become aware of oursurroundings and inner self, we become aware of life’s joys, sorrows,difficulties, potential, and hope. In this state of focused awareness we areenabled to discover solutions. This is why mindfulness matters.(c) Christopher Shea, author

5 Reasons Why Mindfulness Matters5 Reasons Why Mindfulness MattersIn the past five years or so there have been significant studies conducted byreputable organizations such as Harvard on the effectiveness of mindfulness.The results, without dispute, show that mindfulness and meditation not onlymake us feel better, but can physically heal the body and grow gray matter inthe brain. Mindfulness is not simply a nice thing to do, science is proving thatit actually heals the body and mind.Mindfulness matters because it's ameans of finding inner peace.Instead of seeking just satisfaction inlife, seek peace. Peace is not afleeting emotion since it's a state ofmind and being. Being at peace doesnot come and go as the situationschange. Peace is the constantthrough which we view and react tosituations. For example, I can feelsad and remain in a state of peace,but I can't feel both happy and sadat the same time. Therefore, strivingfor peace leads us deeper intoourselves.The belief that we don't have control over our lives leads us away from innerpeace. The more that I feel out of control in my life the greater my anxiety.When you understand, and believe, that you do have control over yourthoughts and feelings, then you admit that you do have some control overyour life! Since you have control you are no longer helpless! We may not havecontrol over our situations, but we do have control, always, in how werespond to our situations. How I perceive the situation and what action I takeinfluences how deeply my inner peace is being rooted.(c) Christopher Shea, author

5 Reasons Why Mindfulness Matters5 Reasons Why Mindfulness MattersAs I personally continue to learn about and experience mindfulness, I havecome up with this list of my 5 reasons why mindfulness matters.1. Mindfulness keeps us focused in the present moment, the here andnow. Why is this important? We have no control over the past or thepresent, so we feel anxious. But, we do have control over how werespond to the present moment. Keeping our thoughts on the presentis empowering.2. Mindfulness changes my perception on learned helplessness. Manytimes, if we’ve suered from trauma, we tell ourselves that we arenow, and always will be, helpless to avoid negative impacts in our life.By working on number one above we can change our thoughts fromthose of helplessness to those of solutions. Remember, anythingwe've learned can be unlearned or learned differently.3. Mindfulness keeps us from getting discouraged. We becomediscouraged when our expectations aren't met. Was the expectationreasonable? Did you have control over the outcome? Mindfulness, byfocusing on the present, helps us keep our expectations reasonable,and as mentioned in number 2, guides us in understanding what is andis not in our control.4. Mindfulness changes our perspective. This is an essential reason whymindfulness matters! Perspective, the way we view and so respond toour world, is sometimes skewed because of past trauma, unpleasantsituations, past hurts, etc. Using mindful meditation to focus ourselveson the present, and so on how we feel, will guide us to refocus ourperspective, therefore responding in a more healthy way to oursituation.5. Mindfulness calms our anxiety. I mention this one last on purpose. Ifyou can accomplish 1-4 above, the natural result, or consequence, willbe reduced anxiety. By focusing on the present moment, weunderstand what is and is not in our control, allowing us to no longerfeel helpless and so change our perspective.(c) Christopher Shea, author

The Five Mindfulness Trainings For AThe Five Mindfulness Trainings For APeace Filled LifePeace Filled LifeMindfulness matters to each of us in our daily lives. I know from experiencethe change that mindfulness can have on a person, and I desire for you tohave a similar (yet your own) experience with mindfulness. Start slow bymeditating 10 minutes a day and consciously refocusing your thoughts onthe present moment. Over time, increase your meditation duration and domore mindfulness exercises. You’ve got this!Mindfulness Trainings for a Peace Filled LifeMindfulness Trainings for a Peace Filled LifeA few years ago, while travelling through South Carolina, I was touring an oldbarn when I noticed, above me in the ceiling, a large bird was franticallytrying to escape the barn. The bird continued to fly into the closed window inits frantic desire to escape thebarn. Attempt after attempt,nothing changed for the bird. Itflew towards the closed window,smashed into the window, andonce again flew into the closedwindow. Presumablyunbeknownst to this anxiousbird, the barn doors, one oneach end of the barn, were wideopen! Had the frantic bird simplystopped a moment to observe its surroundings, it would have noticed a veryeasy escape into the freedom of the outside sky. Yet, the bird was so focusedon the task in front of it that it failed to see any alternate options.(c) Christopher Shea, author

The Five Mindfulness Trainings For AThe Five Mindfulness Trainings For APeace Filled LifePeace Filled LifeI mention this story as I recalled it a couple days ago while at my house. Ihappened upon a butterfly, who, in similar manner to the bird I describedabove, was frantically flying against a screen on my porch in an attempt toescape the enclosure. Also, similarly to the story above, immediately behindthe butterfly was the open door. Yet, as in the story of the bird, the butterflyalso did not pause to observe its surroundings. Instead, the butterflycontinued flying into the screen (as a side note, I did help the butterfly toescape).I empathize with both the bird and the butterfly for I too have found myself“banging my head” against that fictitious window or screen in an attempt toeither change my life's course or to escape some emotion which I was notwilling to face. It has taken decades for me to begin to learn of the benefits ofliving in the moment and simply be.In my writings and public speaking I talk often of mindfulness. This is a stateof active, open attention on the present. Carefully observing your thoughtsand feelings without judging them good or bad. Mindfulness means living inthe moment, aware of your current experience, rather than dwelling on thepast or anticipating the future. As I reflect on the bird and butterfly I realizethat I am not much different from them in that I tend to allow my emotionsand crisis moments to take control of my focus. Yet, in my focusedawareness (mindfulness), I’m able to see solutions; to see hope.My journey from a life of harried busyness and much stress, to a life ofmindful reflection and life coaching, did not come easily. I began to slowly,over time, realize that banging my head on closed window or a screen wasgetting me nothing but a headache. It took strength to to stop myself longenough to desire to look around at my world. Once I stopped and lookedaround, I noticed options and solutions in my life.(c) Christopher Shea, author

The Five Mindfulness Trainings For AThe Five Mindfulness Trainings For APeace Filled LifePeace Filled LifeThe insightful and wise Vietnamese monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book “TheArt of Mindfulness”, reflects on what he calls the “Five MindfulnessTrainings”. These “trainings” are intended to guide us to be mindful ofourselves, our pain, and the world around us. Many of us, myself included,purposefully use electronic devices, reading materials, and sometimes evenexercise, as a means of distracting ourselves from our reality. As with thebird and the butterfly, not stopping to notice our world does not give thefreedom for which we seek. Here are the “Five Mindfulness Trainings” from Thich Nhat Hanh:1. Compassion2. Generosity3. True love4. Deep listening5. Cultivating good healthWhen we do our best to accomplish these five trainings, we have set up ourthoughts and actions to be mindful, in a state of active, open attention on thepresent. These trainings are not meant solely for others, that is, not that weonly give to others our compassion, generosity, love, listening, and health;but that we give these to ourselves as well.In mindful awareness we need to be compassionate with ourselves, generousto ourselves, loving oneself, listening to our mind and our body, and giveourselves good health. In taking care of ourselves in this way will we achievea deep and true inner peace. Aware of the plight of both the bird and the butterfly as told in the beginningof this article, I encourage all of us not to continually bang our heads infrustration, but in freedom, to learn to live mindfully.(c) Christopher Shea, author

Successfully Coping With AdversitySuccessfully Coping With AdversitySuccessfully Coping With AdversitySuccessfully Coping With AdversityIn today's day and age, who hasn't been affected by adversity of some sort?It is the rare yet fortunate person who lives life unaffected by any pain orsuffering. Living life means we take chances and place our trust and faith inother people and society. This trust in others can be betrayed while some ofthe chances we take don't work out the way we hoped or wanted. This is whywe suffer from adversity.I reviewed various dictionaries for the definition of adversity and found"misfortune" and "a difficult or unpleasant situation". I feel that it'simportant for us to keep in mind that some adversity happens to us, whilesome adversity may be caused by us. Nonetheless, I firmly believe that it isnot the adversity which defines us, rather, it's our way of dealing with theadversity which is most important. The question is not "how do I avoidadversity?" The question is "How best can I cope with my adversity?" We can'tescape adversity, but how we respond to the adversity will determinewhether or not we are happy and at peace, or miserable and in turmoil.The first step in learning to cope is in learning to change our perspective. Ourperspective about ourselves and the world around us is our reality. I willspare us a philosophical discussion on reality, except to say that reality isbased on our perception of our world. Think about it: if I don't feel positiveabout myself, then my view of my world will not be positive. How can it be? IfI'm miserable I won't appreciate the positive and beautiful aspects of ourworld.(c) Christopher Shea, author

Successfully Coping With AdversitySuccessfully Coping With AdversityWhen adversity enters our world, our perceptions of the adversity, our world,our family, and oneself will determine how we cope with the adversity. It'simportant for us to recognize our perceptions and work on changing ournegative views and thoughts. I'm not saying we are to deny or avoid thenegatives in life; they are real and a part of who we are. What I am saying isthat dwelling on the positives in life will influence our perceptions. A favoritequote of mine is "there are no problems, only solutions." (John Lennon) Iagree with the sentiment. If we focus on "solution-thought" there are noproblems only the solutions; that on which we focus our attention is ourreality.I encourage you to spend time each day practicing changing your thoughtsto focus on the positive and on solutions. Don't deny the negative, but re-think the situation.The next step in coping with adversity is in training our thoughts to focus onthe positives in life. As previously mentioned, our perception is our reality,and our reality influences our thoughts (and vice versa). So, changing ourthoughts will change our reality and our feelings. We don't ignore or hide thenegatives in life, but what is it that becomes our main focus; the negatives orthe positives? In the latter, we still acknowledge the negative, but we focus onwhat we can do, on the solutions needed; not on what we can’t do or change.As we reflect on life we notice that most days there are positives andnegatives at the same time. We become anxious or overwhelmed as we focuson future problems or negatives because we can't control the future. Thesame is true for our regrets of the past. We can't control our past so we feelanxious about the past. Focusing our thoughts on the future and on the pastcause our adversity to feel more intense since we are focusing our energieson negatives and things we can't control.(c) Christopher Shea, author

Successfully Coping With AdversitySuccessfully Coping With AdversitySo, focusing our energies on the positives, and on the present moment, willhelp us to to feel less intense about our adversity. The key, as I see it, iscontrol. That which I have control over won't bother me nearly as much asthat which I don't have control over.The next step in coping with adversity is in understanding that we are notvictims of the adversity. Victimhood, the feeling that my life is out of mycontrol, causes us to fall into a sense of helplessness. If you convince yourselfthat "the world is out to get me", or that the situation is forced upon you, youthen convince yourself there is nothing you can do about it.Once you feel out of control with no options for action, theadversity takes over. But this does not need to happen! This isthe reason I have been talking about changing perspectiveand changing our focus to the positives. Here's the key in oneeasy phrase WE HAVE CONTROL OVER OUR THOUGHTSWE HAVE CONTROL OVER OUR THOUGHTSAND FEELINGSAND FEELINGS!When you agree to that statement, that you have control over your thoughtsand feelings, then you admit that you have control! Since you have controlyou are no longer helpless nor a victim! We may, in reality, have no controlover situations we find ourselves in, but we do have control, always, in howwe respond to situations. How I perceive the situation and what action I takeinfluences how healthy I am coping. We can't avoid adversity, don't make that your goal. The goal is in how well Ican keep control of my thoughts and feelings. Before adversity happens,practice this. Take time daily to refocus your thoughts to the positives and tosolutions. The more often you do this the easier the task becomes. And whenadversity happens, do the same thing; refocus your thoughts on positivesand solutions. As I quoted earlier "there are no problems, only solutions".(c) Christopher Shea, author

Successfully Coping With AdversitySuccessfully Coping With AdversityI admit that this is not always an easy task, and yes, we will fail at it fromtime to time. Be easy on yourself when you do. Then get up, refocus on thepositives, and find solutions which will help the situation. Remember, wecan't always change the situation itself, but you can always change how werespond to the situation.© Christopher Shea and Lifesjourney, 2015- present. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of thismaterial without express and written permission from Christopher Shea is strictly prohibited.Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Christopher Shea andLifesjourney with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.(c) Christopher Shea, author