Return to flip book view

Message vol 1

megrims want your voice back? call us - 669.074.5618

table of contents the halves universal favors start c o n the train editors leer found everything remembering interview dead upcoming timeline of the halves | 4 | | 5 | | 6 | | 8 | | 12 | | 14 | | 16 | | 18 | | 20 | | 22 | | 24 | | 28 | | 30 | | 32 | | 34 | credits | matches - natasha | costuming - marin | oatmeal - natasha | that one song - marin | ballpoint pen - natasha | tropic tonic - marin | tile samples - natasha | tan lines - marin | my watch over there - natasha | weather - marin | miens - natasha | orange - marin | everything else - “us” |

| 4 | conversation mag leer from the editor In the early years of my exploration into journaling and creative writing I developed a short series of conversations between two imagined best friends as a result of a severe alienation from those around me. Through their discourse I nourished myself. I wrote these people into existence and as I read back my words (their words?) the isolation dissolved. Now I was part of something that was so real it wasn’t. This is for everyone that I have spoken to and not. Every word is still there or on its way out.

marin: Oh I’m so excited! Are you ready to get into it Nat? natasha: Yeah just let me clear my throat before we start.

| 8 | natasha conversation mag marin: Do you ever think about how many dead bodies are at the boom of this lake? natasha: Is this an interrogation, because if so I would like to speak with my mother’s lawyer before I answer anything possibly incriminating. marin: Oh come on I am being serious. natasha: Deadly? marin: Moving on. I think about it a lot actually, how many fishermen are now down there with their game. Or all the unsuspecting late-night lady joggers that were pushed past the railing by angry ugly men. Do they all float to the boom slowly or is it like how a rock drops down after it skips a couple times and then gets swallowed whole by the surface. How do you want to die? natasha: I can’t say I have thought about it extensively. I sure as hell don’t want to be one of the sad sacks in the lake you think about so often though that’s for certain. marin: Personally I want to be burnt alive. Like a girlish candle.

| 9 | & marin vol 1 natasha: Why on earth is that your first answer. You know that being seared like a prize slab of meat would be both a terribly long and extremely painful way to go right? Tell me that you know this. process just like cleaning your clothes. You do it without much thought but everyone else would notice if your shirt was dirty or you were dead. natasha: What about all those old people who die in their beds in their sleep? No one checks on them and after a couple days by then it’s too late and they already begin decaying in their pajamas under the duvet. natasha: Death is not like doing your laundry. marin: How would you know, you’ve never died, or done your own laundry. natasha: Mar one, me zero. marin: But truly who’s to say? I think it’s a perfectly natural marin: I don’t think you feel any pain once all of your skin is burnt off. All the pain receptors in your body are in your skin you know, and when those melt off you’re just left feeling all warm and tingly like when you put on underwear straight out of the dryer.

| 10 | conversation mag girls discuss dead natasha: Now I know who the culprit will be. natasha: Old people would die once they get too old, you’re not wrong. Marin: I’m not. natasha: But you don’t think that just because it’s inevitable that it should happen, right? natasha: That has to be a condition. The Couldaholic. Marin: It’s clinical and cyclical so watch out or you’ll get hooked on the possibili-ties of everything.natasha: I think having one too many possible endings for one action is what makes people like me so scared to get out of bed and go anywhere. Like, when I’m starving in the grocery store and there’s so many cereal boxes with weird mascots and crazy names that I just freeze and want to throw up. Marin: Now that, that sounds like a condition.natasha: But then I go get oatmeal, so there’s really no need for introspection. marin: Because everyone knows they’re going to die. Nobody knows they’re going to be dumped in a lake with a belly full of rocks. Natasha: Now I know who the culprit will be. marin: I’m being serious, there’s no surprise! Its the giant horrible shock that comes when a plane goes down or a pageant queen gets kidnapped. Its all because no one thought they would happen, not could. Natasha: Old people would die once they get too old, you’re not wrong. marin: I’m not. Natasha: But you don’t think that be-cause it’s inevitable it should happen, right?marin: No not in the slightest! I am a firm believer in hating the should and celebrating the could! Simply because I lose my balance and trip does not mean I should scrape my knee, but I could break my leg, and well that outcome is fine by me. Natasha: That has to be a condition. The Couldaholic. marin: It’s both clinical and cyclical so watch out or you’ll get hooked on the possibilities of everything. marin: Now that, that sounds like a condition Nat. Natasha: But then I just go and get oatmeal, so there’s really no need for introspection.

vol 1

| 12 | marin: What would you say to someone if they asked you “So how did you meet Marin?” natasha: Meet isn’t the right word at all. I found you Mar. marin: That is terrible try again I’ll give you a free redo. natasha: I’m being serious what is that not a big and fancy enough answer for you? marin: That’s what you would say about a cat or a couch. natasha: Do you have an issue with being compared to felines and furniture all of a sudden? That doesn’t sound like the girl I found.

vol 1

| 14 | conversation mag

| 15 | vol 1 marin: What way do you sit on the train darling? natasha: I don’t have a preference, I just can’t be near the ticketing man because I never pay when I ride it. marin: Oh that is so chic. You’re like a modern railway vagrant! natasha: Hardly, I’m just broke and won’t pay to use things that I think should be free. marin: Oh you and your liberites. the principle Mar! he used to gallop to whatever wanted to set There was them so change? moved by your must be seated natasha: Its about When man wanted to travel girls discuss get his hoarse and riding the train dusty fancy mountain he and vomit. up shop at and he was good. never a payment involved for why should I cough up my marin: While I am very dedication I simply facing backwards. a slow sadistic way natasha: Sounds like to ensure you feel like puking. marin: No it’s much more meaningful than vomit. natasha: Nothing is more meaningful than vomit. marin: I have to watch what I’m leaving as I go. Its preemptive, presumptuous even to watch where I’m headed while ignoring where I left. natasha: So it’s about nostalgia. marin: I guess but I don’t necessarily need to like where I’m coming from to respect it enough to watch it disappear. natasha: Right, because if you love a place that makes it hard but if you feel indifferent its artistic to watch it die. marin: Oh dear you don’t honestly believe that when you leave someplace it doesn’t marin: Moving back, I think I know the answer to your question dear, about why we can’t run back. keep functioning without you? That’s even worse, it takes all the power from a place. So assuming of you I’d never think you’d be so selfish Nat. natasha: Well I used to see it that way when I was twenty-something and went around living in short hot bursts but now I’m wiser and older of course. marin: Older, of course. natasha: No truly, is it really wise to look back as you go? What keeps you from to run right back to where you to what knows you? wanting used to be? Back marin: That’s a question for someone old answer Nat. like you to natasha:What makes we’ve been think Oh blah, I’m being serious? us so obsessed with where and not where we could be? I it’s quite fabulous to move on. Very Hollywood. marin: Don’t bring the silver screen into allowed to have longing. this, movies are Normal monsters do not get that luxury. natasha: Speak for yourself I’m a special monster. natasha: Please enlighten me I’m on the edge of my seat on this hypothetical train. marin: Well of course, all the windows are all sealed darling. natasha: Oh right. You can’t run back when you’re bolted into your future. marin: You surely cannot.

conversation mag | 16 | natasha natasha: Why does everything feel like its a half? marin: A half? Half of what? girls discuss natasha: Yes, something. marin: I mean I’m probably only half myself most of the time. Half alright or half not. natasha: Half tortured half fine? marin: Somewhere along those lines, hey what time is it? natasha: Half of itself. Like the streetlamps outside, they flare up at the top with those incomplete metal circles. Sure if you put together the two halves maybe they would make one circle, but that’s not how they were designed to be. marin: So we’re designed to be half of something.

| 17 | & marin vol 1 marin: You have a tan line there from wearing it all the time. It’s like when you wear a skimpy bikini to even out the tan you got when summer starts up and you’re still in spring mode and would only wear a one piece. natasha: When have you ever worn a one piece. marin: No you. natasha: The royal you makes it sound more poetic. Universal. natasha: My watch is still over on the nightstand. marin: So you’re only half dressed right now? natasha: I wouldn’t say not having my watch on means that I’m not still wearing a shirt and pants and socks but sure, my wrist does feel a lile empty. marin: Well, not everything is universal. natasha: Of course it is, we live in a universe don’t we? the halves

| 18 | natashaconversation mag

| 19 | & marin vol 1

| 20 | conversation mag girls discuss marin: I’m far too tired right now for this line of questioning. Can I use your bathroom? Or is it still a wreck in there. natasha: David said he would be done with the tiling last weekend but you know what that means. Dusty cement floors and caulk in the sink. marin: I’ll mind the caulk. natasha: How very out of character. marin: Ha, you forget how nimble I am dear. natasha: Oh I have a Rolodex of men who could remind me. And hey don’t use my face wash as hand soap again, there’s an unused bar in the drawer under the tile samples. marin: When are you going to put a leash on the dog and stop living in a hardware store? natasha: When you stop using my face soap as hand soap. marin: Touche. natasha: Half of that bole would buy me three whole bars so don’t think I’m being a stiff just for the fun of it. marin: Well I’m not a half-bole-full kind of girl, I use the lot. natasha: Thank God they don’t make half-full boles of soap or you’d be as dirty as they all say. marin: Only half full girls and boys and fake sex lives that’s for sure. Hey did I ever tell you about that guy from the bar? He came in and ordered an espresso martini just like last time, how progressive! And consistent. natasha: I bet his taste buds are the only thing about him that are progressive.

| 21 | vol 1 the halves marin: That or he likes coffee. I don’t know what’s worse, a man who is so manly he doesn’t know when he has truly shockingly feminine tastes, or a boy so feminine he doesn’t see how much of a man he is? natasha: Half a man half a woman all at once. You know I don’t think it would be so bad if more men leaned into their femininity. marin: Well then where would we be? If all the men moonlight as us they truly won’t want anything to do with our sorry asses. natasha: They’ll always need us don’t be coy. marin: I’m not so sure of that. Once a man or woman can tune into their other chromosome they are a goner. They become their own fully formed relationship of a person. natasha: Good thing neither of us are close to being fully formed. Or people. marin: Too true. We’re monkeys. natasha: Or bugs. marin: Maybe you but not me. I was destined to be born a mammal. natasha: Destined to be Hairy: The story of a young girl who claimed to love her peach fuzz, but in a devastating betrayal, went through with laser hair removal at thirteen to tackle her bush! You’d be a top-selling novelist if you were open about your contradictions. marin: Oh enough with the open mic and would you please get me some toilet paper that doesn’t smell like renovations and tears. natasha: You mean sweat. marin: I mean, I want to wipe without feeling this bathroom’s desperation on my crotch.

| 22 | cat in the sink forgoen french mrs. kovaleski siting on the slides breakfast hotdogs the orange door roadtrip puppy dont buy chocola timeline of pulling natasha: You know when I was a kid and I got scared or like nervous or whatever else it is kids feel, I used to make knots in my hair and pull on the strands until I either untied the knot or ripped out the piece of hair. It got so bad I started to have this lile spot of hair that was thinning so my mother sent me to school with miens on so that I would stop. She wasn’t bright enough to see I was so worried, but she did care about my hair I have to give her that. marin: That makes so much sense. Maybe that’s why I always want to rip my hair out when we talk or why it’s always so damn drafty in your place. But what was it that had you so worried back then anyway?

| 23 | vol 1 the worries that lead to ’natashas hair pulling en french peppermints & cigarees dont buy chocolate daphnie hair

| 24 | conversation mag natasha

| 25 | vol 1 & marin marin: Nat I have a favor to ask of you. natasha: Favor is a small word and you never need help on a small level. But go ahead, I already fixed all of my alloed problems for the day. marin: I do not need help in the way you are insinuating darling, and honestly I’m insulted you’re tracking the weight of my needs. I would never shame you if your issues gained a couple of pounds. natasha: I’m on a strict emotional diet. I’ve completely cut out men and carbs. marin: And that’s why people come to you for help. You’ve already helped yourself into the corner. So now, about the corner I’m in. natasha: Let me guess, you’ve double booked yourself again? Mar we’ve talked about this you don’t have to build an island for each guy when you’re dating but give them some space between one another. marin: As much as I really appreciate this thoughtful reminder it’s not that. Nat I’m in much more trouble on a much larger scale than George of the Jungle. It’s about my mom. natasha: And you let me go on and make you sound like such a nitwit? Mar this is the problem to end all problems. Every time you tell me something about this woman I feel like we’re bench racing, the woman is a nut. marin: I would have been doing myself a disservice if I hadn’t let you go on so I could indulge in that grand apology. natasha: Maybe you’re the nut. marin: Oh please let me be a pecan. No beer, a pistachio. natasha: I’m serious Mar what happened?

| 26 | conversation mag girls & marin: She didn’t necessarily “do” anything this time, technically. I’m not sure what the problem even is, it’s just that I was looking through my room the other day when I lost my favorite lipstick you know that one that’s the perfect orange-pink color all at once but I couldn’t find it anywhere. But I did find a picture of my mother and I from when we went on that awful trip down to Florida I told you about. natasha: So was it the lost lipstick or the found photo? natasha: Ignoring your makeup one liners and geing back to the picture. Actually, no remind me why that trip was so bad again? All your trips are bad but for different reasons and I can never keep track of them. Was this the one where you hit a turtle on the highway and your mom didn’t say anything until you got to the hotel? marin: No this was the one where I was afraid the whole time that there would be this big hurricane even though the sky was completely clear from the moment we drove in until we left. marin: No you don’t get it, I was so scared after losing my lipstick silly as it sounds and then thats when I found this picture, this picture of the trip where the whole time I was nothing but scared. marin: It was worth a swatch. Get it? natasha: You know I don’t wear pink lipstick. marin: Honestly I’m still strung up about that lipstick it was perfect. You never borrowed it did you? I never gave it to you in the bathroom at Charlie’s and you just kept it, you wouldn’t right? natasha: It was the impending imaginary hurricane?

| 27 | vol 1 favors marin: I wasn’t scared I was in shock, I mean I completely froze the search for the missing tube of Tropic Tonic. marin: What I’m trying to tell you is that I didn’t think it was real even when I picked it up the fear or the picture. marin: No it was more like, I couldn’t accept it. That girl in the bathing suit was me and that woman in the sun hat was her, it didn’t stick. I had the memory but there was a part of me that would not accept it as mine. marin: Where my lipstick went, your mouth looks pinker than usual. marin: I just want to know if the picture is a bad sign, or did something try to do me a favor? marin: Well I guess the stars have never done me any favors. natasha: So it scared you. Am I geing this right? There’s always a double negative to your feelings. natasha: How fiing. natasha: So this picture just made you miss that feeling? Being afraid for no reason but with no judgment? natasha: And what is it that you think I might know that you can’t figure out Mar? natasha: I’ll buy you a new tube if you can finish soul-searching. natasha: That’s tricky to say. Which answer feels less likely, cosmically. natasha: Good thing I carry matches and not lipstick in my purse.

| 28 | natasha: Thank heavens you asked me to look this over, this is why you could never be a scholar. marin: Visually I’m very scholarly, look at my glasses. And they’re real! natasha: It must have been years since you last updated this, your most recent job was from when I first met you and god knows how long you lasted at that place. What was your old manager’s name again, the one with the awful Paul Bunyan beard. Howard? Harry? marin: His name was Harvey and he was not my manager he was a wolf that grew two thumbs and learned how to buon up a shirt. And please Nat, don’t speak so low of my experience, it really is the north star of the whole damn document. natasha: It wont get you any closer to land or a job for that maer. marin: That’s what these specs are for. You’d really honestly have to be crazy, mentally disturbed even to not hire a young lady with tortoiseshell glasses of this caliber. They simply scream, “I know how to handle all the kinds of sensitive documents.” had such poor vision? marin: Oh please hard of seeing my dear, I have nothing but vision. natasha: How cruel it is of God to have made someone who is so visually focused that can only get their fix if they’ve been to their optometrist this year and had their script updated! marin: I don’t know what sad sack you’re referring to right now. My optometrist only sees me once a month. natasha: Oh whats that? I think I hear quacking. marin: Oh boo-hoo-hoo what’s got you in such a snit? Are you mad at my lovely lile frames? natasha: Hardly I’m more mad at how I can’t focus whenever we’re together. It’s like we talk so much that it begins to blur out and at the end the clock hand has moved, yes, but what have I learned? marin: Well that’s not a real reason for you to natasha: What’s your prescription on those anyways, I bet its like -1.75crazy. Why did I never know that you be so uppity about my eyes but I understand. You think what we argue about isn’t important. natasha: If it was then wouldn’t I have paid aention or somethig? Wouldn’t I remember any natasha: I guess but its just so kindergarten. “We keep doing something so it must have some

| 29 | vol 1 girls & remembering of it? Wouldn’t I not be fighting with you and actually look over this incredibly awful resume instead? I mean come on, honestly sweetie having “people - skills” under your skills is too awful to bear. marin: Oh hush or I’m going to remove you from my work references. natasha: I’m serious Mar, what job do you think this will get you? marin: Well I don’t think that the two necessarily go hand in hand. Importance marin: Since the crunch that came to take out the and memory. Jobs and resumes. If our talks had no value then get with the program. natasha: Now that was why do we keep having them? If my resume was truly that terrible then why is it that I have never in my life been unemployed?natasha: Being a muse is not a profession. marin: Then why do I always have food in myfridge? Anyways I don’tlike this conversation about me it’s much too negative, let’s go back. Yes we fight but it’s just what we do. It’s our dynamic. so it must have some value?” Memory has almost nothing to do with routine at all. That’s just too simple. marin: I don’t see simple as a negative. natasha: Of course you don’t, you can’t see at all. marin: That’s not what doctor Celini says to me. natasha: Since when have you listened to a health professional?dinosaurs. Come on Nat not even a question and that is not even an answer. What am I even saying right now. marin: What you are trying to say right now is it makes you feel stupid?natasha: Not really. You make me feel stupid. But yeah when you put it like that I guess it does.

interview with marin So, how are we doing this, where do you want it to go? i’m not sure why? you worried? No, just curious. And trying to do my job. thats the safe word for worried you know. Haven’t you ever asked questions about the things you don’t know yet? no i’m too curious.

You need to take this seriously. People will want to hear from you, about you. You should be saying something here. Theres so much you could say that you haven’t yet. Well this is your last chance to get anything else out, give it a shot. darling that is a fact, its the theory of relativity actually. well i know they want to read this, but that doesn’t mean i know what you want me to say. honestly i feel that we’ve said it all already? me and nat don’t like to leave room for air i hope you noticed. don’t leave your buerfly net at home.

| 34 | vol 2 upcoming elias & marty discuss emma marty: Well you know that was her brother she should have been up front. elias: But she sat with me and her daughter and her daughter’s daughter. marty: Oh yeah she was gonna try and tie you up I’d know that move anywhere. Cynthia tried it on me and it would have worked if we weren’t already married. elias: Oh Cynthia, she was a firework. This girl is a gas leak. I don’t wanna see that girl anymore she tries to fight and I don’t fight. marty: How old are you again 67, 68? Talking about you don’t fight no more but she does. I don’t buy that. elias: She’s two months older and she’s taking over. marty: Emma she was 72 when she died. elias: What’s Joe doing now anyway? marty: Joe bought an apartment cause he was scared to go in the house by himself. elias: Well he knew how prey Emma was. marty: All she was doing was drinking and sleeping, she could have at least walked up and down the block. She used to call me and say like “I’m about to go cook something up in the kitchen,” and I said I know you aren’t gonna cook nothing. elias: Joe moved into that apartment but he got money from the house. Does he drive still? marty: Yeah if you got something to drive, you drive. elias: I can’t believe they didn’t bury her. You could have said something. marty: Know that I know how to bury shit. elias: I know you know how to do it. marty: I did think about it but man, I’d probably have to take some people with me. elias: She was so prey. That alcohol ruined her, she traded in her beauty for that alcohol. marty: You know to be drinking like she was, she was drinking her problems away, but she never had no big problems not to the family’s knowledge. elias: You think she did all that ‘cause she liked it? marty: I went over to her house one time and she had her bole and she was filling all these lile boles. And she had her lile sneaky ways of geing the alcohol cause nobody was taking her there anymore, she had this guy out there begging and stuff on her street and she had him come over to her window to take the money and then go to the liquor store, I know it cause Joe caught her.

wild plum trying to fill the hole? call us - 681.754.6609

| 36 | natashaconversation mag