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The PORTAL in the PORTABLE Tim McGrenere

Contents ONE Disappearance at Portable City 1 TWO A Universe in a Handful of Breadcrumbs 11 THREE The Portal in the Portable 17 FOUR Good Food and Exercise 23 FIVE The Tyrannosaurus Rextaurant 35 SIX The Loophole in the Poophole 45 SEVEN The Lost City of Pacifis 59 EIGHT The Fishy Tale Wedding of Ms Calliope 69 NINE Seamus of Arabia 83 TEN Two Reunions Under the Jellophane 91 ELEVEN The Perils of the Provident Sea 103 TWELVE Mutiny on the Leftover 115 THIRTEEN In Search of the Man in the Rainbow Suit 125 F OURTEEN The Birthing Tower 147

C H AP T E R ON E Disappearance at Portable City Tuesday 8 23 a m Another typical morning in the life of Seamus Keen Dad forgot to go shopping again and all they had for breakfast was Mom s 100 per cent pure cranberry juice some kind of green powder and a cereal that looked like hamster food There was no place to eat anyway The kitchen table was buried in a week s worth of newspapers magazines and mail Seamus found one piece of crust in the bread bag toasted it and scraped on the oily remnants from an old jar of allnatural peanut butter The dishes were still sitting unwashed in the dishwasher Dad forgot to buy detergent so Seamus held his toast in a napkin and nibbled it as he stood in the middle of the kitchen 8 30 a m As usual Dad was running frantically up and down the stairs looking for his keys and wallet while trying not to swear As usual Mom was still in the shower because she slept in Andrew Seamus s little brother was orchestrating a vicious battle between a pair of miniature action figures on the dining room floor The soother in his mouth he still used a soother made the sounds of the battle oddly whistle y and wet Seamus knew he d be late for school again But what did it matter He was in no hurry to get there His teacher Ms Calliope no longer even needed a note from his parents when he was late Every day for two months straight Mom phoned to apologize for Seamus being late Now it was just accepted by everyone including the principal Ms Grishelmutt that his parents two professional

D i sa p p e a ra n c e a t Po r t a b l e C i t y 3

8 T HE PORTAL IN THE PORTABLE before the bell sounded and Mr Deeth awoke with a great shiver and cough and spit flying from his lips 10 10 a m After a half hearted attempt to teach Ms Calliope s morning lesson on fractions Mr Deeth sat down Soon his eyes rolled back and his lips parted in a quiet snore Seamus stood up Later Claire he said See you said Claire who was back to sketching something in her notebook She shielded it from Seamus s view as he walked behind her Saw it said Seamus You wouldn t know what it was even if you did said Claire And you didn t anyway I did and I don t care Later Seamus stepped outside just as a cool breeze cut through the muggy air He breathed in the momentary freshness as deeply as he could He couldn t walk directly to the gate because he would have to pass the Principal s Portable and Ms Grishelmutt had X ray hearing X ray vision and X ray smelling So Seamus began a long crawl down the dusty weedy path of Row One He had to stay below the windows because most of the teachers didn t close their curtains At the end of Row One he hopped the fence and slid down the ferny slope to the creek below As usual the water was hardly running and there were chip bags and pop cans floating on it He jumped over the creek and clambered up the opposite slope grabbing the trunks of saplings to pull himself up At the top he stepped out into Colonel Humdrum Park 10 20 a m Seamus sat down in the shade of a maple tree A nice breeze had come up since the morning and the yellowy brown haze had lifted Seamus quietly thanked Margot Shambeau for disappearing that day No one at school could possibly miss Margot She was such a jerk Margot once threw a rock at Seamus back in the third grade and hit him right in the head What kind of an idiot did that And she was always talking She talked all through class and all through lunch and all through recess and all through the detentions she got every single day for talking too much She probably talked in her sleep And she was always talking about people she hit in the head with rocks or people she was going to hit in the head with rocks And everyone knew that it was Margot who stole Ms Calliope s classroom TV even though they couldn t prove it and she said she didn t do it

1 0 T HE PORTAL IN THE PORTABLE The old man s eyes were intense and cold and they looked like they saw everything bad that Seamus had ever done Not even Ms Grishelmutt stared at him like that Seamus felt like getting up and running away from there but he couldn t move Maybe this was the strange thing that Ms Grishelmutt had warned him about Maybe he should run and tell her right away But Seamus was paralyzed Suddenly as if the sun came out from behind a dark cloud the old man s eyes warmed He even smiled He waved at Seamus beckoning him to come over Seamus stood up He felt his feet moving his body towards the old man in the shiny rainbow suit sitting on the bench It was like the tractor beam in Star Wars Don t talk to strangers thought Seamus in his mother s voice It s all right thought Seamus his heart banging on his ribcage He s an old man I can run much faster than he can Seamus no longer had any clue what time it was

C HA P TE R 2 A Universe in a Handful of Breadcrumbs Light reflected up from beneath the wisps of the old man s grey hair A trickle of sweat ran down his grey wrinkled cheek On the lap of his rainbow pants sat a bag of bread that he was crumbling and letting fall at his feet Hello said the old man His blue eyes were still warm and he was smiling What s your name Seamus said nothing The two of them stared at one another in silence for a moment Aren t you supposed to be in school asked the old man Why are you feeding the pigeons asked Seamus Ah said the old man winking Nice trick answer a question with another question Aren t you a smart boy I m feeding them because they re hungry How do you know they re hungry Because they eat what I give them What if they just like to eat Another good question Perhaps they do I don t have an answer My dad calls pigeons rats with wings The old man smiled Seagulls too Well we can t all be eagles and herons can we I guess Seamus said looking around the park to see if there was anyone else in the park It paid to be cautious when you were skipping school You never knew when you d run into an adult who might know you What s your name son Seamus

1 4 T HE PORTAL IN THE PORTABLE Hmm said the old man as he tossed a handful of crumbs to the animals at his feet He leaned toward Seamus the sunlight still glinting from the top of his head and from his rainbow suit Seamus he said can you keep a secret Sure What if I told you that there are other worlds Ones that you can visit So where are these worlds They re all around you actually said the old man as he reached his hand back into the bag of bread I don t see any No Not yet Would you like to Sure Why not All right So what do I do Don t do anything Just pay attention to everything that goes on around you Soon you will be invited to another place What kind of place asked Seamus I m not sure It depends On what On what you need Can I make requests Oh no laughed the old man How do I know that this other world isn t just as boring as this one Well shrugged the old man there are no guarantees However I m fairly certain that whatever world you end up in you ll not find it boring In fact I have a feeling that a person like you may end up somewhere where there s too much excitement How can there be too much excitement Perhaps we ll meet again sometime and you can answer that yourself How will I know when I can go Just pay attention You ll know When Seamus asked I can t tell you that But I imagine it won t be long The old man threw his handful of bread up into the air The crumbs seemed to hover in midair where they transformed into little planets Seamus stared at them and he thought he could see life happening on each and every one Here was an endless blue garden that stretched over an entire world There was an enormous stadium filled with cheering fans Here was a golden city with golden towers There was a vast ocean on which floated a little rowboat And here was a dark mountainous island with a stone tower lit up by lightning from a dark thundercloud

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1 6 T HE PORTAL IN THE PORTABLE Suddenly each world became a breadcrumb again and fell to the ground and was gobbled up by pigeons and sparrows and chipmunks How did you do that asked Seamus his voice barely a whisper his eyes wide with awe The old man put a finger to his lips and then pointed behind Seamus Seamus turned to see his parents coming down the hill towards him Seamus his mother cried His father broke into a jog ahead of his mom who then started jogging as well Remember whispered the old man what I ve shown you is our secret You mustn t tell anyone Okay said Seamus Promise I said okay Seamus turned to see his father arrive red faced and breathless He leaned over put his hand on Seamus s shoulder and wheezed until Seamus s mother arrived Seamus she said what are you doing I was just talking to this old man he said Catching his breath Seamus s father looked up What old man he asked The old man right behind me said Seamus as he turned around to see that the old man and his sparkling rainbow suit had vanished along with the pigeons and sparrows and chipmunks All that remained were a few breadcrumbs scattered on the ground

C HA P T E R T HR E E The Portal in the Portable Seamus sat grim faced at his desk as the other students tumbled and jostled out of Portable 6ZZ after the recess bell He was in his second week of detention for leaving Portable City during school hours At home he was grounded for another month At first his mother had grounded him for the rest of his life but she settled on the rest of the school year once she had calmed down Since that day in the park there had been no sign of the old man in the rainbow suit or the other worlds he had promised Seamus was even more bored now than he had ever imagined he could be If boredom was a video game he d reached the highest level and was now fighting the biggest meanest Boredom Boss there was And he was losing because he was too bored to fight Seamus sighed and rested his chin on his arms which were crossed on the top of the desk He watched Ms Calliope as she sat behind her desk applying makeup and lipstick while gazing at herself in a tiny mirror she d pulled from her purse Her hands were trembling and her eyes looked like they might start crying Are you okay Ms Calliope Seamus asked without lifting his head He hadn t seen Cantaloupe put makeup on during detention before She jumped in her seat a little like she had forgotten Seamus was there I m fine Seamus Why do you ask You seem nervous She looked down at her trembling hands Perhaps I ve had too much coffee today You drink a lot of coffee Seamus said Yes Seamus So does my dad

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2 2 T HE PORTAL IN THE PORTABLE Certainly this was the strange thing that Ms Grishelmutt had warned him about Maybe he should tell her At least he could ask her what it was before he went in But Seamus knew Ms Grishelmutt would never let him go in once she found out about the hole She d phone his parents right away and he d be transferred to that school in Blossom Meadow What was he afraid of anyway The old man seemed nice And he had shown him some real magic Seamus remembered the golden skyscrapers and the dark tower he had seen in the handful of breadcrumbs They were nothing like Tranquil Hills and Portable City They promised something he could never have in his life here not even in Colonel Humdrum Park He leaned forward towards the hole Perhaps he could just take a look See if he liked it Surely he could come back if he wanted Seamus leaned in further and stuck his head inside the whistling hole The sucking sound instantly grew louder and then there was a great rush of air behind him Suddenly his whole body was pulled into the hole and he was falling in darkness He fell and he fell and he fell Seamus screamed at first but he fell for so long that he stopped caring about what would happen to him if he hit the ground He fell for so long he grew bored of falling He fell for so long that he drifted off to sleep had a dream about falling woke up and was still falling He drifted off to sleep a second time and dreamt that he hit the ground He woke up with a start and found himself lying on the ground unhurt staring up at a light green sky On his chest sat the pigeon which looked him in the eye cooed and flew off Seamus sat up He was in the middle of a blue field that stretched over rolling blue hills as far as he could see in all directions Seamus rubbed his eyes and looked again There was no sign of the hole he had fallen through Wherever he was he knew he could not get back to Portable 6ZZ He rubbed his eyes again Yes the sky was still green And yes the grass was still blue He knew he had made a terrible mistake

C HA P TE R 4 Good Food and Exercise Seamus stood up A few metres away the pigeon cooed and bobbed Its small black eyes looked right at Seamus as if it wanted to say something to him But it didn t speak The pigeon turned and flapped its wings and flew a short distance Then it turned and looked at Seamus again Seamus took a step towards the pigeon And then another The pigeon turned and flew another short distance across the field He s leading me thought Seamus Since he didn t have any idea where he was he thought he might as well follow The pigeon led Seamus across an immense field of blue grass that seemed to stretch on forever And there were hills Not just one hill like in Tranquil Hills but lots and lots of hills Seamus started to skip and run up and down the hills flapping his arms like the pigeon You could run forever here if you wanted There were no fences like the ones that surrounded Colonel Humdrum Park And when he stood on top of the highest hill and looked in all directions he didn t see anything like Portable City He didn t see any buildings at all When Seamus was tired of running he lay down at the bottom of a blue valley and stared up at the green sky and squinted at a purple sun that looked like a giant gumdrop It wasn t hot and sticky here like back home Just nice and warm like a flannel blanket The air smelled sweet like fudge and candy floss This is my kind of world thought Seamus as the pigeon waited patiently nearby Seamus lay like that for a long time until he felt a little pain in his belly He was getting hungry Is there anything to eat here he asked the pigeon The pigeon bobbed and cooed then turned and flew up to the top of another

2 4 T HE PORTAL IN THE PORTABLE hill Seamus followed And followed And followed The pain in his belly grew stronger and stronger Sometime later the pigeon stopped in what appeared to be a farmer s field where row upon row of short leafy blue plants grew in a white soil The pigeon seemed to be pointing at the plants with his wing Can I eat this asked Seamus The pigeon bobbed and cooed its wing still extended towards one of the plants Seamus bent over to sniff one of the leaves It smelled like cool mint gum He plucked a leaf and tasted it It tasted like cool mint gum He plucked the entire plant out of the ground It came out easily Seamus shook the white dirt from the roots and there in the centre of the roots was a golden cake that looked unmistakably like a Twinkie Seamus stared at it in disbelief He pulled the cake free of the plant and broke it in half The centre was filled with white cream It was a Twinkie He took a bite It was delicious He gobbled it down plucked two more plants and then ate two more Twinkies After he plucked a third plant Seamus looked carefully at the dirt he shook loose It wasn t regular dirt at all It looked like the chocolate shavings his mother put on her cappuccino Seamus grabbed some of the dirt and put it on his tongue It was chocolate White chocolate Seamus lay on his back and laughed What a world he thought No more microwave dinners or bags of wilted salad for me He rolled over and pulled up two more Twinkies inhaled them then followed them with two heaping handfuls of white chocolate dirt Then he jumped to his feet and leapt and skipped and cavorted through the fields no longer needing or wanting the pigeon as a guide Up ahead beyond the field of Twinkies he could see an orchard The tops of the trees in the orchard were perfectly round with blue leaves and big bunches of perfectly round red fruit that looked like cherries Seamus plucked one and popped it in his mouth He crunched down on the hard shell into a soft chewy center Cherry bubblegum Beyond the cherry bubblegum orchard he found a vineyard of sour keys and a clear lemon cola stream flowing over gobstopper pebbles Seamus drank from the stream and ate some of the pebbles He lay down under a tree that looked like a willow except all the branches and leaves were blue licorice He lay there and munched on licorice until he could munch no more His belly was full His eyes grew heavy and he soon fell asleep

G o o d Fo o d a n d E x e rc i se 3 3 Don t Please Goodbye I said Seamus I hope we meet again And Seamus took a great big bite from the apple It was crisp juicy and delicious The cramps in his belly loosened immediately and the green sky turned blue and watery His vision went blurry The last thing he saw before he drifted into unconsciousness was I standing at the edge of the green grass crying

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C HA P TE R 5 The Tyrannosaurus Rextaurant A chipmunk was sitting on his chin At least Seamus thought it was a chipmunk He could only see its dark shape surrounded by a fierce white light and feel its soft fur tickling his bottom lip Seamus was lying on something hard and uneven From somewhere nearby came the sound of a cheering crowd He rubbed his eyes and looked up into a bright red sky The chipmunk was gone Hey a voice called from the crowd Seamus rolled over He was lying in the middle of a wide cobblestone road Lined up along the side of the road as far as he could see stood hundreds and hundreds of people They were all wearing thick black rimmed glasses and outfits that looked like brown paper bags with rope belts tied at the waist No one in the crowd seemed to notice him Their attention was focused somewhere up the street He heard thundering footsteps and the cobblestones beneath him trembled Another cheer came from the crowd Hey He heard the voice again above the din It was a girl s voice Seamus felt groggy as though he had just awakened from a long afternoon nap He couldn t make out who was saying Hey or even if it was directed at him but the voice sounded strangely familiar The sound of thunder deepened and the cobblestones shook Hey said the voice a third time Get up Suddenly someone rushed toward him grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the side The cobblestones quaked beneath Seamus the thunder rumbled louder and the crowd roared

3 6 T HE PORTAL IN THE PORTABLE Come on said the voice Why don t you move I can t said Seamus His legs were asleep and tingled with pins and needles Seamus turned to see what was coming At least twenty giant men in helmets were running towards him They were at least ten feet tall with immense round heads each topped with a gold helmet All were dressed in black shirts with a white symbol on the front Their arms and legs bulging with muscles were bare as were their enormous feet which thudded down on the cobblestone in a sledgehammer rhythm Their dark vacant eyes stared straight ahead They either did not see Seamus or did not care that he was there In a matter of seconds they would trample him into the stone but Seamus could not move his legs Move you idiot the voice said as Seamus s left arm was nearly pulled out of its socket His body was dragged into the crowd just before he would have been crushed No one in the crowd even noticed that someone had just been saved from trampling Seamus looked up to see the people in the crowd wildly cheering as the giant men in black thundered past What s wrong with you asked the voice Do you want to kill yourself A face appeared above Seamus It was a girl s face a face he recognized except for the thick glasses It was a face surrounded by frizzy brown hair Come she said Seamus s legs were no longer asleep and so he stood up He followed the girl out of the crowd and along a row of stone buildings until they reached an alley The girl stepped into the alley and Seamus followed There she said Are you all right I m fine said Seamus Thank you What were you doing in the middle of the road anyway I don t know I just woke up there The girl didn t seem to recognize Seamus but Seamus knew who she was despite the fact that her hair was longer and she was wearing glasses that were almost an inch thick You re Margot Shambeau said Seamus The girl s eyes widened slightly behind her glasses and then narrowed sharply How do you know that name she asked We re in the same class together Portable City Ms Calliope in 6ZZ You disappeared a couple weeks ago Ms Calliope said Margot Ms Calliope I seem to remember that name A portable 6ZZ And who are you Seamus Keen

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Th e Ty ra n n o sa u r u s Re x t a u ra n t 4 3 Everyone in the restaurant resumed breathing Seamus looked back The diners stared at him as though they would willingly offer him up as a meal to the tyrannosaurus or perhaps eat him themselves For the rest of the meal Seamus ate his food without allowing his teeth to come together He didn t dare ask for salt and pepper and he didn t bother using the cutlery Most of the diners ate with their hands Margot was one of the very few who used a fork and knife to cut her cold overcooked meat was it beef or pork it was impossible to tell and her cold virtually uncooked potato But she was very good at it She somehow never made the slightest clink They finished their meal silently and quickly eyes fixed on the sleeping dinosaur the entire time After they finished eating they tiptoed up the stairs and pulled on the red cord by the exit The door swung open and the woman in red was there to escort them down the hallway How was your lunch she asked Awful said Margot Thank you Please come again

C HA P TE R 6 The Loophole in the Poophole They spent the afternoon walking Margot explained to Seamus that there was a chain of Tyrannosaurus Rextaurants in Myopia all owned by the same person Bartagle Swain Bartagle Swain was the richest man in Myopia He also owned the Myopia Lions maulball team The only food for a tyrannosaurus to eat in Myopia was human beings For a while Bartagle Swain s tyrannosauruses ate the prisoners in Myopia s jail until there were none left After that no one committed any more crimes and Bartagle Swain s beloved tyrannosauruses went hungry He would stand in the public square telling the people who were also starving how terrible it was that his beautiful pets were wasting away to nothing Mr Swain couldn t just let the tyrannosauruses run wild in the city eating perfectly innocent people so he offered free meals to anyone who would step inside the restaurant and risk being eaten by his tyrannosauruses It was a win win situation There were plenty of people without money to buy food and on average a tyrannosaurus only ate one person every couple of days so most people figured their odds were pretty good even if the dinosaur did wake up while they were there Margot had been keeping tabs on when each of the tyrannosauruses woke up to eat and could predict when was the best time to eat at each of the six Rextaurants But you could never be absolutely sure Bartagle Swain was known to pop into a Rextaurant unannounced and from the door yell Wake up through a megaphone The tyrannosaurus would pop up in a fright and be so agitated that it would eat three or four customers at once They stopped walking when they reached a park beside a wide rushing river Across the river was Amnesia Margot said she had been there only once but

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A L o o p h o l e i n t h e Po o p h o l e 5 5 loose and he was able to move although each movement sent an electric jolt of pain through his entire body Even blinking hurt He was sitting on the goal line under one of the nets All around him the players were fighting They were punching and kicking and biting and poking each other in the eye Two members of the white team had picked up the goal judge s cage and were shaking it violently Seamus could hear giants screaming That was a goal you idiot while the goal judge inside begged for mercy The crowd was on its feet hollering No one was paying attention to Seamus Even though his hands were tied behind his back he was able to pull himself free of the leather casing He looked around unsure of where to go or even whether he should go Over in the corner of the field he could see the tyrannosaurus in the cage It was stomping and roaring and its glasses were fogging up If Seamus made a break for the side of the field perhaps they would consider him a fan running on the field and send the tyrannosaurus after him He d rather finish the game as a ball than be eaten Just then between two pairs of giants rolling around and clawing at each other on the ground Seamus saw something small flopping about in the dust It was a bird A sparrow bathing itself in the dirt The bird stopped flopping and turned to face Seamus Then it flew up and over to the side of the field by the referee s tunnel The bird turned and faced Seamus again Although Seamus s ankles were tied together he managed to get up onto his knees and then stand up He wasn t sure what to do He had followed a pigeon and ended up in a world with a population of one and nothing healthy to eat He had followed a chipmunk and ended up nearly being eaten by a dinosaur and being a ball in a game of giants Was a sparrow more trustworthy than a pigeon or a chipmunk How could you tell Seamus was in a lot of pain but he knew from his experience here that it could always get worse Above the sparrow was the game clock When Seamus looked at the clock he realized that they were only two minutes into the game That meant there were fifty eight minutes left Fifty eight minutes at the mercy of giant savages He glanced to his right where the tyrannosaurus was going absolutely mental in its cage It looked like it had cracked its glasses after slamming its face into the bars The sparrow beckoned with its wing The players fought The crowd cheered The tyrannosaurus roared Seamus took a deep breath exhaled slowly and began to hop towards the sparrow

5 8 T HE PORTAL IN THE PORTABLE The tyrannosaurus lunged forward mouth open as Seamus jumped to the side and down into the hole Tyrannosaurus teeth snapped shut just above his head and a big gob of drool splashed down on his goggles Seamus tumbled below into a pool of brown goop Auughhh he cried as the goop closed over his head and he drifted down down down into the murk and stink and slop that flowed into his nose and into his ears but not into his mouth which he had clamped tightly shut Again Seamus couldn t breathe I ll never follow another animal again he thought What did those giants eat