New Meanings Spring 2020 : simplebooklet.com

1MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Our Board ofTHE MARRA MeageDIRECTORSDIFFERENCEFROM THE CEOKen Sternad, ChairmanThomas J. Bennett, Jr., SecretaryPatrick E. BurnsLisa CassillyStacee FlanaganPhil McCurdyTim Melton, DMINRalph PasquarielloDavid Seem, TreasurerRob WinborneLifetime TrusteesDonnie Brown, FounderJames GrosklausDr. Tim L. MeltonEx OfcioBill Anderson, CEOTherapeutic healing is the heart of MARR! Our remarkable staff members continue to put their hearts into their daily roles and responsibilities. As we navigate the changes in treatment and mental health, MARR rises to meet those opportunities with great passion. We are authentically invested in our clients’ lives, the lives of their families, and the referral sources we are privileged to serve.MARR’s mission, vision and values are the guiding principles for every decision we make and action we take. We differentiate ourselves by leaning on our 45 years of experience and longevity—the cornerstones of our commitment to providing high-quality care and treatment for individuals and families; using technology and community resources to educate the public about the disease of addiction; and remaining a private, independent entity with long-term and gender-separate programs. Furthermore, it is this experience and commitment to the therapeutic healing process that allows us to remain both centered in the present and focused on the future. We will adapt to, and thrive in, the ever-evolving landscape of treatment!Change can be a frightening concept. It can evoke feelings of fear, excitement, anxiety and hope. The individuals we serve are asked to make many changes. Oftentimes, they must change nearly everything in order to become the person they aspire to be. MARR is dedicated to helping them overcome paralyzing fears and embracing powerful changes. Likewise, MARR is committed to embracing the changing environment of mental health. Our staff will move forward with courage and an attitude of humility, unity and gratitude. We will uphold our vision and values as we serve our clients, families, alumni, donors, referents, volunteers and the entire healing community.I know that many exciting changes await us. MARR will remain focused on quality clinical treatment as we create new and effective ways to bring recovery to those who are struggling with addiction. I am grateful for the present moment, as well as all that lies ahead for MARR. Most important, we will continue to focus on therapeutic healing as the heart of who we are and what we do.Warmly, We differentiate ourselves by using our 45 years of experience and longevity of staff as the cornerstone of our commitment to care, providing high quality treatment for individuals and families, using technology and community resources to educate the public about the disease of addiction, and remaining a private-independent entity with long-term and gender-separate programs. IN THE AIR AND ON THE GROUND.CONNECTING COMMUNITIESProud to support MARR Addiction Treatment Center.Bill Anderson

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3MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020OurOur gender-specic and gender-separate treatment provides clients with a safe, comfortable setting where they can address issues from a “whole-person” perspective related to their addiction. Treatment consists of residential living, group and individual therapy, regular meetings with a psychiatrist, family therapy, addiction education, and specialty groups to focus on topics such as shame, guilt, and body image. A personalized Treatment Plan is created for each client following admission to MARR. The Treatment Team is comprised of a board certied psychiatrist, master’s level clinicians, certied addiction counselors, family therapists, and nursing staff.To learn more, visit https://www.marrinc.org/treatment/womens-recovery-center/MARR provides a safe environment for adult men that encourages openness and a sense of community. The Men’s Recovery Center (MRC) gradually guides men into a balanced lifestyle on the road to recovery. Treatment consists of residential living, group and individual therapy, regular meetings with a psychiatrist, family therapy, addiction education, and specialty groups to focus on topics such as anger and relationships. A personalized treatment plan is created for each client following admission to MARR. The treatment team is comprised of a board-certied psychiatrist, master’s level clinicians, certied addiction counselors, family therapists, and nursing staff.To learn more, visit https://www.marrinc.org/mens-recovery-center/MARR’s Right Side Up (RSU) offers long-term, residential drug and alcohol treatment for women with children under the age of 13. Right Side Up is a Ready for Work program that is state and federally funded, and it is contracted by the Georgia Department of Behavioral Health and Developmental Disabilities to provide services for homeless or low-income women and their dependent children. RSU collaborates with the Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS), which provides Temporary Assistance to Needy Families (TANF), food stamps, Medicaid and child care certicates for eligible clients.To learn more, visit https://www.marrinc.org/treatment/right-side-up-recovery/Because addiction is a family disease, family participation in addiction recovery is essential. Our Family Recovery Center offers: an assigned family counselor for loved one of our clients; weekly family support groups; a 3-day intensive workshop designed to provide education, support and counseling; and individual, couple and family counseling. We also have an online library of articles, videos, and podcasts on a variety of topics related to addiction and family recovery.To learn more, visit https://www.marrinc.org/family-recovery-center/Traditions Recovery Center for WomenMen’s Recovery CenterRight Side Up Recovery Center for Women & ChildrenFamily Recovery CenterPrograms

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4MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020CoectedSTAYFOLLOW US ON@communityforlifefacebook.com/marrinc@marrincrecoveryAlumni | Volunteers | Donors | Staff Members | Community MembersMARR MONTHLYe-NewsletterIf you would like to sign up to receive our e-newsletter, let us know at newsletter@marrinc.orgScan to listen now!Ep 49: Part 1 | I Didn’t Want to Live AnymoreMatt R. was ready to end his life, or so he thought. What he learned in treatment and the relationships he built there allowed him to take another path. He starts us off by discussing the desperate places that addiction took him, and he also shares some of the moments in treatment that made a permanent impression on him. Episode 45: My Shame With four children, a career as a full-time nurse, and a full-blown addiction to pain pills, Michelle H. spent her days rushing from one crisis to the next. She only agreed to get help because she didn’t want to be sick anymore. While in treatment at MARR, she started to see that she had never sat still long enough to feel her feelings. And when she did, she couldn’t even identify what feelings she had. She began to learn how to identify and experience her emotions by accepting the help that the counselors and her community members extended to her. Through this process, she began to also accept that she was not a bad person like her shame had been telling her. She was just someone who needed some help. https://www.marrinc.org/ep-45-my-shamehttps://www.marrinc.org/ep-49-part-1-i-didnt-want-to-live-anymoreIf you received this magazine or on a coffee table, you can get the next issue delivered straight to your mailbox! www.marrinc.org/new-meanings-magazineFEATURED STORIES OF RECOVERY PODCASTS

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5MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Whether you are a mental health professional or an active member of Atlanta’s recovery community, you probably know Haley C. And if you don’t know Haley C., you probably know her name. And if you don’t know her name, you surely recognize her jaw-dropping beauty and charming Southern drawl. Here are a few of the many adjectives that come to mind when describing this powerhouse woman:Fierce. Strong. Charismatic. Approachable. Courageous. Magnetic. Dependable. Energetic. Determined. Kind.Haley is a true representation of what it means to be a woman in long-term recovery. In addition to working a strong program in her personal life, she dedicates her professional life to helping others nd freedom. As the National Clinical Outreach Representative for Summit Behavioral Healthcare, Haley collaborates with clinicians, families and individuals throughout the United States to provide treatment options that meet their specic needs. Like many people in recovery, Haley had to endure trials and hardships before becoming the woman we know and love today. Prior to entering treatment at MARR’s Traditions Recovery Center for Women (formerly called Women’s Recovery Center, or WRC) in January 2011, she was held captive by the vicious cycle of addiction. Below, Haley shares a rst-person account of what life was like in active addiction, what happened, and what life is like today in recovery. Thank you, Haley, for being a beacon of hope and light for those who still struggle.********************************** What Life Was Like Then I grew up in a small town in South Georgia known as Jesup. I was raised in a loving home, where my father worked hard as an attorney and my mother stayed home with my older sister and me. Growing up, my sister and I were involved in activities like dance, drama, 4-H, band, and student council. I had the perfect childhood. I made good grades in school and belonged to the popular crowd. However, I always felt different, like I never really t in. I attributed that to being tall (I am 5’10 ½”). I just knew something was off and I constantly sought others’ approval.I was 15 years old when I had my rst alcoholic drink. I was visiting a friend who was in the same performing arts group as me. Her parents were divorced and a lot more lenient than mine. I wasn’t allowed to go to parties growing up, and I have never seen my parents take a drink in my life. While visiting my friend, we went to a party—it was the rst time I got drunk and the rst time I blacked out. (I was a blackout drinker from the beginning.) My experience was exactly like the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) describes: “I had arrived.” All I knew is that when I was drunk, I nally felt like I t in. This is what I had been missing. From that moment on, I chased the feeling of my rst drink.I drank a handful of times throughout high school, each time drinking to get drunk. During my senior year, I entered our local Miss Georgia preliminary pageant. My intention was only to win the talent portion for scholarship money. However, I ended up winning the title and started my preparation for competing in Miss Georgia. During the nal days of my senior year, I went to junior/senior prom weekend on Jekyll Island, located off the coast of Georgia. I drank excessively and was caught/ned by the Georgia State Patrol for underage drinking—my rst real consequence from drinking. It embarrassed my family and the community; they had trusted me to be a role model. This was also the rst time I swore off drinking.I nished high school and competed in Miss Georgia, where I won preliminary talent and receiving a non-nalist talent scholarship. Afterwards, I went to school at Georgia College and State University.College served as the ideal platform for partying, and my drinking escalated. I had never experienced such freedom. With that freedom, I chose to drink as much as I could, as often as I could. As my alcohol consumption progressed, I developed an eating disorder as well. I withdrew from school during my second semester to get “help” for my eating disorder, but never addressed my drinking.I transferred to Valdosta State University the following year, hoping for a fresh start. But the problem was me, and I take ‘me’ everywhere I go. Valdosta was much of the same, but my drinking got progressively worse. I began using drugs along with drinking heavily. My drugs of choice at that time were marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, ecstasy and Adderall. Once again, after burning all of my bridges in Valdosta, I dropped out during the second semester and moved back home.After trying – and failing – to “maintain” my substance use at home with my parents, I knew I needed help. I entered an intensive outpatient program (IOP) in St. Simons Island, Georgia, in the fall of 2002. Although I learned a tremendous amount about recovery and was introduced to AA, I could not manage to stay sober. In May of 2003, I headed to Hattiesburg, Mississippi, for residential treatment. While living in Hattiesburg, I stayed sober, established a sober network, graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communications and got married. Life was good.What Happened Throughout my years in Hattiesburg, a lot had changed for me. I seemed to have it all together—everything looked great on the outside. But on the inside, I had lost myself: lost myself in college, in my job, and in my marriage. I had also forgotten why I had such a great life. It became more about what I had accomplished and less Forever GratefulIntro by Alison BroderickRecovery story by Haley C., Alumnus

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6MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020about how I was able to enjoy a great life. I became self-reliant and not God-reliant. I had lost my genuine gratitude for my sobriety. It was about me and not about what God had done for me. So when life got a little messy, I started relying on myself and my old coping skills. My husband at I were having issues and the desire to drink became intense. But at this point, I had been sober for seven years. My next thought was to re-engage with my eating disorder. Life was spiraling out of control and that was one way I could “control” it. As I began to restrict, my eating disorder progressed and my mental and physical health deteriorated. Life at home continued to worsen and I participated in a lot of shameful behaviors. My husband and I separated in July of 2010 and he led for divorce in August. Devastated, angry, hurt and in total self-destruction mode, I chose to pick up a drink after seven and a half years of continued sobriety.I didn’t pick up where I left off—it was progressively worse. I drank harder, faster and longer. I was a one-man wrecking ball destroying everyone who came in contact with me. In just four short months, I lost two jobs, wrecked my car, got my car repossessed, alienated myself from friends and family, and ultimately, wanted to kill myself. I woke up one morning and thought, “I have two options: I can kill myself or I can call my mom.” I looked at a picture of my sister, baby niece and me, and started to cry. I had a moment of clarity: if I killed myself, how much pain would it inict on my family? How would they explain it to my niece? I chose to walk downstairs and ask my roommate if I could use his phone, since mine had been disconnected due to lack of payment. I called my mom and told her all that had been going on. Fortunately, my parents have been active members of Al-Anon from the day I set foot in IOP in 2003. My mom was supportive, but she also encouraged me to gure it out. I was in desperate need of help. I called my long-time sponsor and she suggested MARR–she was an alumna and told me it was exactly what I needed. I called the admissions department and spoke with Bill Anderson, who was Director of Admissions (and now CEO). To this day, I strongly believe that Bill served as the catalyst for my recovery. He was the light at the end of the tunnel; I needed his reassurance that MARR would be a great t for me. I packed up what little belongings I had, and my father drove me to MARR on January 24, 2011.My experience at MARR was nothing short of amazing. It was tough, but it provided a safe space to recover. I knew they had my best interest at heart. I connected with my primary therapist immediately. I was certainly not the model client. I resisted the system, broke the rules, and thought I knew it all. I mean, I had been sober for many years before. They saw me at my lowest point and still loved me. I got the help I so desperately needed for my eating disorder recovery as well. After struggling with body image and control issues for many years, I was nally ready to get vulnerable and recover from everything. After completing Phase I and II at MARR, I stayed for their extended recovery residences (Phase III). I continued to lean on self-will versus God’s will. At six months of sobriety, I was politely asked to leave for breaking rules. After a 30-day separation and assignments from my primary therapist, they allowed me to participate in aftercare groups, as well as the disordered eating group. I continued to participate during the rst four years of sobriety.What Life Is Like Today Life is absolutely amazing in recovery. Having been sober two separate times is a neat experience, although I do not recommend relapse. My sobriety is nothing like it was the rst time. I have not forgotten what it was like then, and I hope I never do. Today, I know without a doubt why I have this new life. I keep showing up and doing what others suggest (sometimes reluctantly). The job I started shortly after leaving MARR—and maintained for six years—taught me so much. I experienced incredible growth. I learned how to be a dependable employee, co-worker, and eventually, supervisor. The tools I acquired at MARR reach far beyond staying sober. Today, my life is about helping others. How can I be a good human being? How can I be a good friend, daughter, sister, and girlfriend? How can I serve as a role model to the younger generation? The spiritual principles of kindness, honesty, love, compassion, and selessness–that’s what I learned at MARR. Once you join MARR’s supportive alumni community, you are always a part of the family. At around three years sober, I got a call that my ex-husband had died from an overdose. We had maintained a friendship and still talked regularly. I was crushed. I had never had that kind of pain in my life. I did not think about picking up a drink, but I did consider “controlling” my eating. I was scared. I did not want to fall back into my old familiar patterns. Instead, I called my primary therapist at MARR and immediately scheduled a session. She encouraged me to reach out to the disordered eating therapist and ask if I could come back to group on Monday nights. I started attending the disordered eating group again and attended for another year and a half. MARR saved my life—once again. Today, I get to help people nd a treatment program that meets their individual needs. I am the National Clinical Outreach Representative for Summit Behavioral Healthcare, which owns 18 residential treatment facilities throughout the U.S. I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for MARR. Every time I see Bill Anderson in the eld, I thank him. He is an integral part of who and where I am today. I have a close group of girlfriends, most of whom are MARR alumni. I live a normal and good life– I go to work, enjoy CrossFit, attend AA meetings, spend time with my boyfriend and his children, and see my family as much as possible. I have two nieces who are the light of my life and who, God willing, will never see me drink.If you or someone you know needs help, or if you are questioning whether or not treatment is the next step, please make that important and courageous call. MARR saved my life, and it can save yours, too. I am forever grateful.Once you join MARR’s supportive alumni community, you are always a part of the family.

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7MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020AlumniNEWS • EVENTS • CONNECTIONWomen’s: Last Sunday of every month o Alumni Meeting at 4 pm, Speaker Meeting at 5 pm o Navigate Recovery 52 Gwinnett Drive, Suite A, Lawrenceville, GA 30046Men’s: Last Sunday of every month o Speaker Meeting at 6:30 pm o MARR Men’s Recovery Center  10AM-4PM, 40 SPOTS AVAILABLE$87 PER PERSONCALL ALISON AT 678-805-5137 TO SIGN UP CLOUDLAND CANYON STATE PARKMEALS & LODGING PROVIDEDREGISTRATION BEGINS JULY 1SPEAKER MEETINGSTEXT UPDATESUPCOMING EVENTSStay connected by signing up for text updates on alumni events, articles, podcasts, and more!Go to: https://www.marrinc.org/text-updatesJUN27AUG15OCT2-4NEW ALUMNI COORDINATORWe are excited to announce that Alison Broderick has joined our team as Alumni Coordinator. Alison might be a new face for some, but she is familiar to many in the MARR community. Having served as our Alumni Coordinator from 2012-2015, she understands MARR’s culture and way of life. Alison will assist in maintaining a strong support system for MARR’s Alumni Association, as well as acting as a liaison for current clients as they begin the process of transitioning from residential treatment to extended care and beyond. Her passion for recovery is personal; her own journey began on April 11, 2011, and she hasn’t found it necessary to pick up a drink or drug since. Whether you are a staff member, loved one, volunteer, donor, alumnus or client, you can literally feel a sense of community and hope when you’re here. It’s palpable,” says Alison. “I am looking forward to reconnecting with, and supporting, our alumni as they continue their courageous journey of recovery.” CONTACT INFORMATIONAlison Broderick, NCRC-II, CPS-ADAlison.Broderick@marrinc.org

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8MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Despite wider acceptance of the disease model, and a growing understanding of the importance of treatment, alcoholism and addiction still carry heavy cultural stigmas. When somebody is trying to come to terms with their addiction, messages they have heard their whole lives run through their minds on repeat. Addicts and alcoholics are lazy. They don’t have any morals, willpower, or self-control. Even though anyone familiar with the facts about addiction and recovery will know these statements to be false, to the person caught in the cycle of addiction, they feel absolutely true. Now imagine the double stigma that mothers caught in the cycle of addiction face. Not only do they carry the cultural shame that comes with having an addiction, they also have to carry the even heavier label of being “a bad mother.” Over and over, they hear some version of the following message playing in their minds: What kind of mother puts their children through this? If I loved my children, I would stop drinking and using drugs. I am a terrible person, and I’m a terrible mother.As one of the Therapeutic Child Care Coordinators at Right Side Up, these are the clients I work with—mothers in early recovery who have internalized unfair and untrue biases about themselves and their illness. The message we work to send to these women over and over again is this: You are not a bad person or a bad mother. You Mothers in Recovery Overcoming Stigma & ShameBy Alisa Sawyer, Therapeutic Child Care CoordinatorRight Side Up Recovery Center for Women and ChildrenAlisa Sawyer

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9MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Structure, routine, and consistency are always important qualities for people in early recovery, but this is particularly true when children are involved. made some bad choices in your addiction, but we are going to work with you on how to implement structure so you can make healthier, safer choices going forward.We tell them this in a thousand different ways, through our words and actions, until they can start to believe it. It takes a while to build the trust necessary for them to hear it, but when they do, the recovery they nd is something truly powerful to see. It is a resilience and a power that inspires me every day and has kept me passionately working at Right Side Up for 15 years. The Necessity of Structure So how do you communicate this message to women who have been hearing the opposite, shame-based messages their whole lives?While all of our clients work with their individual counselors, take classes, and attend Twelve Step meetings to address the shame that comes with their addiction, the mothers in our program participate in our Therapeutic Child Care (TCC) program to work on the parenting part of the equation. Our primary focus in TCC is helping them develop essential parenting skills that many of them missed out on as a result of their addiction. We teach them this through a consistent structure and a routine that we hold them to in a loving, therapeutic way.Structure, routine, and consistency are always important qualities for people in early recovery, but this is particularly true when children are involved. From the day that mothers admit to our program, we start working with them on concrete actions that move them toward a consistency that is healthy for them and their families. As soon as mothers admit to our program, our case workers start working with them to get them into see a pediatrician. They also help to get them set up to receive the TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) benets and healthcare benets they are eligible for. As far as daily parenting is concerned, we hold them to a strict routine that they can carry on with them once their six months with us is completed. For example, every day moms pick up their kids from the bus stop. When they get back to RSU, they process what happened that day at school with their children. Later in the evening, moms sit with their children to work with them on their homework for an hour. After six months of practicing with us, our clients have the parenting patterns well established as part of their daily lives. We also work with them through parenting classes, where they learn about and practice disciplining children without corporal punishment, using redirection, natural consequences, and overall behavior management techniques. They also learn about different nurturing styles and the various parts of themselves, pleasant and unpleasant, that can come out of all of us when we are dealing with the stress of parenting. By focusing our clients’ attention on concrete actions that they can take as parents, they begin to shift their focus away from the unhelpful belief that they don’t love their children enough. Instead, they begin to focus their attention on performing loving acts for their children. As they say in the 12 Step rooms, “If you want to improve your self-esteem, start performing esteemable acts.” As these women perform the actions of attentive and consistent parents, they begin to have more and more evidence that they love their children and are showing up for them. They no longer need to wonder whether or not they are good mothers because they can see evidence every day through the actions that they take that they are. We All Need the Same ThingsFor those of us who work in this eld, cultural biases can come up for us as well. In fact, one of my favorite things about my job is getting to see my own biases and growing past them. An example of this came to me when I was early on in my career. I was in my early 30s and one of my clients was the same age, but the differences between us were signicant. I was starting my professional career, whereas her whole life centered around drug addiction, and she already had 10 children. This shocked me. I wondered: How does someone’s life end up like this? It wasn’t that I had never seen families affected by drug abuse. I grew up in a lower-middle class neighborhood in Queens. Illegal drugs were denitely around, just not in my family or my immediate community. Our house was a hangout house for the neighborhood and was very structured, nurturing, and loving. The worst thing that we saw our parents doing was smoking cigarettes at the cookouts.So I asked her about when she started using drugs and why. She told me that it started when she was 15 years old. She told me about how she and her friends were at her home where her mother had left crack cocaine out on the table. So they tried it. Continued on page 17

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10MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020“When we say alcoholism is a family disease, we mean the alcoholism of one member affects the whole family, and all become sick. Why does this happen? Unlike diabetes, alcoholism not only exists inside the body of the alcoholic, but is a disease of relationships. Many of the symptoms of alcoholism are in the behavior of the alcoholic. The people who are involved with the alcoholic react to his behavior. They often blame themselves for it and are hurt by it. Eventually, they become emotionally disturbed themselves.” - “Alateen-Hope for Children of Alcoholics,” The Al-Anon Family Groups website, www.al-anon.org Without a doubt, addiction affects the entire family. The changes that occur physiologically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally in the addict (or alcoholic) are simply too profound not to impact the lives of those intimately linked with him or her. The goal of this chapter is to show how you may have been affected by your loved one’s addiction. Calling addiction a “family disease” can sometimes feel like a stretch to those who are new to the concept. Certainly, the family element of the disease does not entail the same physiological damage done to the brain that we see in the addict, but as mentioned in the quote above, alcoholism (or more generally speaking, addiction) not only “exists inside the body of the alcoholic” (or addict) but also in his or her relationships. As a social species, we function within interpersonal systems. We rely on one another within these systems to survive and provide love, meaning, and a sense of connection. The family is one of the primary systems in which most of us participate, and when the family system is functioning well, all the members’ needs are met. However, if one of the members becomes addicted to a substance, it creates problems for everyone within that system. Chemical addiction changes the neurochemistry of the addict, and the brain mistakenly starts to prioritize the use of the substance as being necessary for survival. As a result, the addict increasingly depends on substances as his or her primary coping mechanism rather than forming healthy connections with people within the family and community. As the addict’s disease progresses, relationships with others end up becoming secondary to the substance use. Interactions that may seem to be part of an authentic relationship with the addict often turn out to be some form of enabling, rescuing, or codependent behavior, which helps the addict continue in his or her disease. Also, the addict may be physically present but emotionally unavailable or volatile. This type of interaction with somebody who is emotionally absent distorts the family members’ perceptions of their relationship with the addict and with others. How could this process not have a profound and disorienting effect on everybody who is connected to the addict? The family members’ connections to their loved one with the addiction, other members of the family, those outside the family system, and perhaps most signicantly, their relationships to themselves, become severely strained. In short, the disease becomes the organizing principle in an addicted family system, and the addicted person becomes the central gure around whom family members organize their thoughts and behaviors. When the addict becomes dependent on the substance, different family members respond in different ways. Some family members disengage from the family and begin withdrawing from any connection they might have had with the addict. Other family members become dependent on taking care of the addict. Another term for this reorientation is “codependency.” Although the addict’s disease may be what starts the ball rolling, the progression of the family disease becomes its own separate process. Codependency becomes debilitating, but recovery is possible, whether the addicted loved one continues to use or not. Just as the addict is ultimately responsible for his or her recovery, the family members are responsible for their own recoveries as well. This is an excerpt from Addressing Addiction in the Home: A Family Workbook available for purchase at https://www.marrinc.org/product/addressing-addiction-in-the-home. Thanks to a generous donation from The Hanley Family Foundation, if you enter the discount code FAMILY you can receive 50% off.What Makes Addiction a Family Disease Calling addiction a “family disease” can sometimes feel like a stretch to those who are new to the concept.Addressing Addiction in the Home A FAMILY WORKBOOKEditors: Matt Shedd, MA David TateContributors: Jim Seckman, MAC, CACII, CCS Travis Ramsey, LMFT, LPC Todd Valentine, LCSWBill Anderson, MSW, LCSW Patrice Alexander, LPC, CPCS, MACAddiction Tr eatment Center

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11MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020SuortHOW TOMARRThank you to everyone who helped make our 2019 Celebration of Recovery Banquet a huge success!CELEBRATION SPONSORDelta Air Lines TRANSFORMATION SPONSORSSheila & Bill Hodges Tricia Phelan HEALING SPONSORS Gigi & Bill Barnes Susan Bridges / Security’s Lending Hand Foundation Cathy & Ron Fincher Clint Hodges Kimberly-Clark Miller Zell Southern Company Gas Foundation Judy & Ken Sternad Beth & Tom Willingham III RENEWING SPONSORSFelicity & Jim Cunningham Naomi & Arnold Revzin Willingway, Twin Lakes Recovery Center and Summit Behavioral Healthcare INSPIRATION SPONSORS Alston & Bird BRC Recovery Jeanne & Doug Brush Jenny & Casey Cote Kim & Kent Davis Penelope & Art Southerland Pam & Scott Wells If you have a Kroger Plus Card, you can support MARR while you shop and Kroger will make contributions to an organization of your choice. Visit https://www.kroger.com/account/enrollCommunityRewardsNow/ and select MARR (Organization number KJ828).You can also support MARR’s mission just by shopping on Amazon! Visit http://smile.amazon.com/ch/23-7442673, log into your Amazon account, and shop. Through AmazonSmile, Amazon will donate a percentage of your eligible purchases to MARR.and Facebook has made this easy by creating an online fundraising tool. Visit https://www.facebook.com/fund/marrinc/ to create your own fundraiser for MARR. Members of our community often use this as a way to celebrate their birthdays! The proceeds go directly to MARR to help fund our programs. MAKE YOUR BIRTHDAY COUNT!Date!SAVE THE 11.21.20Celebration of Recovery Banquet

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12MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Hugging the Cactus | The First Step Exercise By Matt Erwin, CACIIAs mechanics, doctors, artists, or any other skilled craftsperson will probably tell you, when a problem presents itself, gritting one’s teeth and forcing a result does not usually resolve it. In fact, coercive actions that force a premature and unworkable solution usually create bigger problems. This principle might relate to how we address addiction or whatever compulsive and self-destructive habit we might be struggling with. A lot of times when people talk about the opioid crisis or addiction in general, they will say things like we need to “ght addiction.” Individuals in recovery and their family members will often adopt a similar approach toward addiction, looking at it as if it needs to be “beaten.” Perhaps this use of “ghting” is just a manner of speaking, suggesting that the addiction needs to be addressed and not ignored, which is absolutely true. However, I think the rhetoric of “ghting” or “battling addiction” can be easily misinterpreted. In practice, this type of approach toward an addiction or compulsive behavior can start to resemble forcing a solution through sheer willpower. As the addict and alcoholic in long-term recovery usually discovers, this approach often ends in frustration and relapse.Although the urgency and good intentions behind the idea of “ghting addiction” are valid, our understanding at MARR is that an aggressive approach can sometimes be counterproductive to recovery. In the course of 45 years of treatment, we have seen over and over again that recovery is not usually about defeating addiction, but the opposite.The way that we approach recovery is to help our clients try to surrender to their powerlessness over their addictions and embrace the difcult and painful parts of that powerlessness. Recovery isn’t about ghting. To quote a phrase Robert Downey, Jr. used when describing his own recovery, it’s about learning to “hug the cactus.”The same is true for family members of our clients. We work with them to help them see that they are ultimately just as powerless over the addiction as their loved one is. As with our clients, recovery for them is about getting intimate with painful parts of how they have tried to control the addiction and failed. This allows them to be in their own recovery, even in the heartbreaking event that their loved one returns to drinking or using. Denial of PowerlessnessAccepting powerlessness is not something that comes easily to humans. The AA literature states it clearly, “Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions). So to help our clients in this process, we work with them on a First Step Exercise through which they develop vivid examples from their past of precisely how they have been powerless over drugs and alcohol.The goal of the exercise is to help them see all the times that they have tried to control their drinking or drug use and have failed. In recovery, failure can be a very good thing. It provides evidence that they are not a “bad” person who just needs to try harder. It helps them to see that they are not immoral people who need to try harder, but that they have an illness. Rather than having anything to do with morality, they can start to see that their excessive drinking and drug use is intimately tied in with an abnormal physical reaction to alcohol and drugs that is different than other people who can drink or use drugs moderately.ANNUAL GOLF TOURNAMENTMonday, August 10, 2020St. Ives Country ClubJohns Creek, GeorgiaRegistration: 9:00 a.m.Shotgun Start: 10:00 a.m.Four Person Scramble FormatRegistration: $175 per personRegistration Includes:• Practice facility• Breakfast and lunch• 18 holes of golf with cartRegistration & Sponsorships available at:www.marrinc.org/events/golfQuestions? Email us at events@marrinc.orgSPECIAL GUEST: Larry Nelson will be back again this year with tips to improve your game. Nelson has 10 PGA Tour wins, including the U.S. Open and the PGA Championship.2020

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13MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Powerlessness provides an explanation, but not an excuse. It allows the addict and the family member to see why the person did things that weren’t logical, but it doesn’t mean that they are “off the hook.” It does not relieve the person from responsibilities and consequences. The person in recovery still has to accept responsibility for things that they did in their active addiction. In other words, powerlessness does not by any means absolve the person, but it does help them to understand they are not a bad person. They are a person that does have some behavior they need to accept responsibility for and consequences that need to be cleaned up. Sharpening the True StoryA person can make statements like “I’m an alcoholic and addict” or “My drinking and drug use is out of control” without understanding the extent of their powerlessness. They may even be able to provide specic examples of powerlessness while still remaining in deep denial about just how desperate their situation is.One of the goals in the First Step Exercise is to help our clients generate sharp and vivid examples from their own drinking and using histories that they can see clearly. Uncovering these stories is a process. I’ll give an example that I was given permission to share by a MARR alumnus that we’ll call Chuck. When Chuck checked into MARR as a client, he knew he was an alcoholic and addict. He really believed he had fully accepted that, to the point that he had even told many of his family members that he was going to die soon because of drinking and drug use. On the surface, this makes it sound like he had truly accepted his powerlessness, but there was actually a lot more acceptance that he later realized he still needed to do.For instance, he told me that the rst try at one of his rst step examples went something something like: I couldn’t make it a day without drinking, and on my way home from work, I had to stop and get some beer. I needed to drink so bad that I couldn’t even wait till I got home to drink it.He told me that he can see now that, even as difcult as this was to admit at the time, his mind had glossed over a lot of the very important details of this event in an attempt to protect himself from painful realities. He needed to sharpen that story. He needed to remember the vivid details so he could have a more accurate picture of what really happened. With the help of the counselors, he did.The story became clearer, and now he states that he is able to play it in his head like a movie that clearly demonstrates his powerlessness over alcohol. By the time he was nished with the exercise that same story went like this:I made up my mind that I wasn’t gonna drink one day, but I was shaking so badly that I pulled over at a liquor store. The store was set up so that you had to go to the counter and tell them what you wanted and they got it for you. So I told the guy, “I’d like a six pack of Bud Light.” I left my money on the counter when he went to get it so he wouldn’t see how much I was shaking. When he reached out to give me the change, he saw my hand was shaking so bad that he looked at me with this mixture of disgust and pity. I saw his reaction, so I lied and told him that I had just almost been in an accident, and I was really nervous and that’s why my hand was shaking. As soon as I got outside, I had to drink one to quit shaking. The beer was in bottles, and I put one up to my mouth, and my hand was shaking so bad that I hit my mouth and cut my lip. I realized I couldn’t hold it steady to my mouth, so I had to tilt my head back and separate the bottle from my lip and pour it down my throat until I quit shaking so badly and I could drink normally. When I got back in the car, I just barely made eye contact with myself in the rearview mirror, and thought “Oh my God. What’s happening?” This is a much more vivid picture of what actually happened, and one that, thanks to that exercise, he tells me he uses regularly to remind him of how powerless over alcohol he is. The denial he had during his initial attempt did not allow him to see all those details about the incident. Family members of addicts and alcoholics often go through similar exercises. They review all the ineffective ways they attempted to control their loved one’s drinking or drug use, and how ultimately, such efforts usually ended up making matters worse. Uncovering details of their own memories of powerlessness can have a similarly healing effect for them as well. We describe the process as “sharpening” the details because we think it works to illustrate that coming to terms with our history is painful. It hurts at rst, but as our clients and their family members encounter the more vivid descriptions of powerlessness, it can save us the endless pain that continuing in addiction and codependency can and will provide. This process of accepting the uncomfortable parts of our histories is what we view as part and parcel of “hugging the cactus.” Getting intimate with the sharp details of our memories can save us a lot of pain. It may even save our lives. Read online at https://www.marrinc.org/hugging-the-cactus/13MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020

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14MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020This content is adapted from our family webinar, which is a six-week series that is specially designed for the loved ones of clients who are currently in treatment at MARR. For more information about our Family Recovery Program, visit https://www.marrinc.org/family-recovery-center/.Addiction can be hard to understand, especially for those who have never experienced it personally. We work with many family members who just can’t understand why their loved one continues to drink or use. Why won’t they stop? Don’t they care about me? Isn’t this a choice?Addiction is deceptive and tricky, because although drinking or using was once a choice, at some point that choice is removed. Addiction is a chronic, progressive disease of the brain. It is considered a disease because it causes a physiological defect to an organ (in this case the brain) that causes other symptoms in the body. Our brains have the incredible ability to change and adapt to the world around us; this concept is called neuroplasticity. In fact, our brains can create new connections and pathways over time. Our brains have the power to rewire themselves.In the context of addiction, we like to use a visual metaphor to provide a different way to think about this. Imagine a forest. Now imagine that forest has a well-travelled path through it–the dirt is tightly packed and covered in footprints. All the foliage has been trimmed back out of the way. It is easy to follow; in fact, you don’t really even have to think about what you’re doing. Now, there are other paths in this forest too, but they are overgrown with weeds and briars. No one has walked them in quite a while, and they may even be hard to see.These pathways are our coping skills–the methods we use to navigate the ups and downs and in-betweens of our lives, and the ways we react to the ever-changing world around us. Ideally, a person will carve out several pathways in the forest, because different circumstances require different types of coping skills. In active addiction, one pathway dominates all the others.As the disease of addiction progresses in the brain, a substance that was formerly a choice so overpowers the brain’s original ‘wiring’ that the brain begins to perceive the substance as a means for survival. The drug of choice becomes the primary way of coping with any circumstance, and the more that path is used, the easier it becomes to follow. The other, healthier paths become more and more overgrown as time goes on, so much so that they can become almost impossible to nd and use. And this is why addiction is a progressive disease. It cannot be turned on or off at the ip of a switch. Despite the terrible consequences that addiction may cause, your loved one may be following the only path they can nd.The beautiful part about neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to heal. We can both create new pathways and recover old ones. This process is a huge part of treatment at MARR. We help our clients identify and practice healthy coping skills while they are here with us, so that when they leave, they have the tools they need to navigate through whatever life throws at them. We help them create new pathways. When we have enough clear paths, the forest does not seem quite as overwhelming as it once was.As time goes on, the pathway of addiction will become increasingly overgrown because it’s not being used. However, it won’t completely go away. The risk of relapse decreases with more and more practice of healthy coping skills. That’s why we teach our clients the importance of community and accountability in active recovery. Recovery is practiced, not learned. Although this metaphor may not be perfect, we hope it is helpful. Sometimes a journey of understanding requires simply looking at something from a different perspective.This is a hopeful metaphor. Because although addiction may have a stronghold, it does not have to have the last word. A better future is possible through the power of community and accountability, in conjunction with the unmatched power of healing that exists within our own bodies.Read online at https://www.marrinc.org/your-brain-is-like-a-forest/Your Brain is Like a Forest Webinar Except from the MARR Family Recovery Program

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15MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020One of the unique components of our Family Recovery Center is a six-week webinar series that has been created for loved ones of our clients who are currently in treatment at MARR. The webinars are facilitated by our Family Counselors, and we discuss topics like detaching with love, codependency, and creating healthy boundaries.Our goal with these webinars is to create a space for both education and community. The webinars are a place to ask questions and share stories and learn from other people who are going through the same things. This is a safe and secure space that is exclusively for MARR families. These webinars can be especially helpful for loved ones who are not local to the Atlanta area, because they are still able to stay connected throughout the treatment process. We believe that addiction is a family disease, and so we treat it as such. These discussions are one of many ways that we lead family members to practice the skills and tools that can help them enter into their own recovery. There is power in community, and there is freedom in sharing your story. We believe that this can be a good place to start.To learn about other aspects of our Family Program, visit https://www.marrinc.org/family-recovery-center/MARR FAMILY WEBINARSMARR’s Annual Fund CampaignMarch 1 - June 30Visit www.marrinc.org/annual to give now!This year’s Annual Fund Campaign will benet MARR’s Scholarship Fund. We created this fund to help eliminate nancial barriers to high-quality treatment. Through need-based partial scholarships, your contributions help individuals enter into one of MARR’s programs and begin treatment.You can give someone access to the treatment they need to start a journey of recovery.15MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020

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16MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Our brains love stories. We use them to make sense of the world, to make connections, and to nd patterns. We use stories to make predictions, and we use them to pass on lessons and wisdom.Stories are such an important part of being human. One of the most powerful things an individual can do is to share their story with others. When we share our own stories, we are practicing vulnerability and building connections with the people around us. Stories remind us that we are not alone. They help us understand how we got here and imagine where we might go. They form pathways in our brains that help us make decisions and assess what is happening around us.When Lies Become TruthWhen we tell a story over and over again, we begin to believe that it contains truth. Imagine that you are telling a funny story about something that happened a few years ago. You may begin to forget the details of what really happened, and so the way that you tell the story starts to form your memory of the event. The details may shift and change over time, and eventually you may be telling parts of the story incorrectly, but your brain will actually believe that it’s the truth.But what happens when we start telling hurtful and damaging stories about ourselves? We begin to believe those, too. When we hear and say the same negative things again and again over time, we start to perceive them as truth even if they are lies. This can start with other people saying negative things about us, but the real danger comes when we begin saying these things to ourselves.Addiction writes a lot of bad stories. The negative consequences of our actions begin to pile up and start telling stories about who we think are: a terrible mother, a disappointing daughter, a bad employee. We might start to absorb the blame for all the bad things happening around us, but that is not fair and it is not helpful.When we tell discouraging stories about ourselves over and over again, our negative actions can begin to dene our identity. These are shame stories. They continue a painful cycle of believing that we are “bad.” And these stories give our addictions more power.Velcro & TeonWe are designed to remember negative things in the world around us. It’s a survival skill. If you use a stove every day for a year and you burn yourself one day, you are going to remember that one bad experience much more easily than the 364 good ones. The Power of Story

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17MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020We are designed to remember negative things in the world around us. It’s a survival skill. Dr. Rick Hanson explains it like this: In effect, the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teon for positive ones. That shades “implicit memory”—your underlying expectations, beliefs, action strategies, and mood—in an increasingly negative direction.The bad things stick even if we don’t want them to, and good things slide right off like nonstick cookware! We have to work a LOT harder to remember positive things than we do to remember negative ones. This is a big part of what makes a practice of gratitude so important and impactful.Writing Better StoriesSo, what can we do to change these stories? It seems like an uphill battle, but you are far more powerful than the past. Writing better stories does not mean that we ignore our mistakes or pretend that we are perfect. We accept responsibility for our choices, we own up to our shortcomings, but then we turn our eyes forward – not back.Here are three practices for creating better stories for ourselves:1. When we recognize a lie, we name it as such.2. We afrm the good things about ourselves (again & again & again).3. We set healthy boundaries with people who have hurt us.There are no quick xes here. These are practices that we must repeat for months & years to come. This is not something that we can usually do on our own. We often need the help of a strong community with similar values to help each other make these changes. There are a lot of things in life that we are powerless over, but with the help of others we have an incredible amount of power to choose the kind of story that we are going to tell.There is a saying in the recovery community that rings true here: “I am not what I have done; I am what I have overcome.”Keep overcoming. And tell a better story.Source: www.rickhanson.net/take-in-the-good/Read online at www.marrinc.org/the-power-of-story/Mothers in Recovery: Continued from page 9That’s when I had a moment. When my friends and I were 15, rather than sneaking crack, we snuck one of our parents’ cigarettes. That was how we rebelled. The differences in our home lives doesn’t completely explain the course our lives took. As they tell parents who attend Al-Anon about their children’s addiction and alcoholism: “You didn’t cause it, you can’t cure it, and you can’t control it.” Many people who grew up in structured homes like mine end up becoming addicted to drugs and many people in homes characterized by the chaos and risks associated with addiction do not become addicted. But this woman wasn’t able to grow, fail, learn, try again, and succeed in the same ways that I was as a child because she did not have the structure that I had. To add to that, her psychological development had been hijacked by drug addiction at an early age.We are all still responsible for our own actions, but our environments play a major role in the courses that our lives can take. I look at what we do at Right Side Up as attempting to provide some of the loving structure that I was fortunate enough to grow up with. Just as the shame of addiction is bigger than a single person, lasting recovery needs to be grounded in something bigger than a single person as well. Healthy structure and daily routines, supported by a loving community, can help all of us stick with patterns grounded in something larger than our temporary feelings and false beliefs about ourselves that so easily pull us off track. To borrow another helpful phrase from the Twelve Step rooms: “We are not bad people trying to become good; we are sick people trying to become well.” This phrase is one that I think we can all relate to, because at different times in our lives, we can all certainly identify with being sick and acting against our own interests and the interests of those we love, but at the same time wanting to become well. Who doesn’t want that? Read online at https://www.marrinc.org/overcoming-stigma-and-shame/

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18MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020At MARR, we do not specically address nicotine dependence as part of our program of treatment, and clients are permitted to smoke cigarettes, though they are not permitted to use e-cigarettes (also referred to as vaping). To get a clinical perspective on the issues of smoking and vaping as they relate to long-term health and recovery, MARR spoke with a psychologist from the community, Dr. Mark Ackerman, who has expertise in treating addictions, including recreational drugs, alcohol, compulsive behavior and nicotine dependence.We have all seen commercials that try to scare people into quitting smoking, or maybe we have even tried to scare somebody we love into quitting ourselves. Is trying to scare people into quitting effective?Research on what works for overcoming addiction, in particular, smoking and nicotine addiction/tobacco use, indicates that scare tactics are not effective for bringing about change. I have learned through my work with individuals that this is correct. Individuals who are nicotine dependent often become resistant when they feel like they’re being pushed too hard. Addiction counselors are most effective when they strive to meet the individual where they’re at and provide information if they’re asking for it. There’s a technique called “motivational interviewing” that can be very effective in assisting people who are ambivalent or resistant to giving up an unhealthful habit.There are 3 key components for success with nicotine addiction and addiction in general: 1. Motivation: You have to want to change. When you have that element of motivation and commitment to change, then you can go to the next level.2. Technique: Behavior change strategies, attitude changes, and environmental modications play a signicant role in overcoming nicotine dependence.3. Medication: The medication component can help people feel less uncomfortable while they’re going through the process of giving up tobacco-related products. There are several FDA-approved medication choices that are available which have been very helpful. Speaking with a health care provider is recommended.How do you address nicotine addiction when you are working with patients who are also trying to stop using alcohol and other drugs of abuse?We know that people often have the thought that tobacco is less harmful than other drugs, but in fact, tobacco contains nicotine which is a highly addictive drug of abuse. Studies on addictive behavior show tobacco at the top of the list of what leads to chronic disease including lung and cardiovascular disease. There seems to be a myth thatContinued on page 26Nicotine-Free Sobriety and the Risks of Vaping Interview with Dr. Mark Ackerman

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19MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Addressing Addiction in the WorkplaceThe statistics tell us that as many as 10% of the employees of any given business or company could have a problem with drug or alcohol use. We are excited to announce that MARR has published a booklet, authored by Jim Seckman, that is designed to help employers identify possible signs of addiction in their employees. It also provides some guidance about how to proceed if addiction is suspected in order to address the problem effectively and to be part of the solution rather than the problem. Subjects covered include: an explanation of why addiction is a disease; characteristics of someone using drugs or alcohol; defenses and denial; working with the employee; whether or not to terminate the employment; legal considerations; the importance of your feelings in evaluating the situation; and additional resources to consult. If you are uncertain about how to proceed when you suspect substance use is occurring with employees, this booklet will walk you through the process.Visit www.marrinc.org/marr-store to purchase your copy today!Addressing Addiction in the HomeHaving a loved one in active addiction can be traumatic. As the addict’s personality and behavior changes, it has a profound effect on the rest of the family as well. Family members who nd themselves in this position often do not know what to do. They can see that their loved one is suffering physically, mentally, and spiritually. They can sometimes even see that they are changing as well. Just like their addicted loved one, the family may start to realize that they too are at the mercy of the disease of addiction. This workbook is about how family members of people with addictions are affected by their loved one’s disease, and how the family members can heal. We have provided questions throughout the material to help people make connections between their experiences with their loved one’s addiction, and what we have seen over the years at MARR Addiction Treatment Center. Regardless of the pain families are experiencing now, this workbook demonstrates that recovery is possible for family members, whether their loved one continues to use and drink or not. The chapters included in this volume are:• The Disease of Addiction• The Family Disease• Enabling, Rescuing, Controlling• BoundariesYou will encounter stories from family members who have sought help and with the resources described in this workbook have been able to live happy, whole, and fullling lives that are not dependent on the choices made by their loved ones.Addressing Addiction in the Home A FAMILY WORKBOOKEditors: Matt Shedd, MA David TateContributors: Jim Seckman, MAC, CACII, CCS Travis Ramsey, LMFT, LPC Todd Valentine, LCSWBill Anderson, MSW, LCSW Patrice Alexander, LPC, CPCS, MACAddiction Tr eatment CenterMARR Publications Now Available!Purchase either of these resources through the QR code or visit: www.marrinc.org/marr-store.

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20MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Many of the family members and community volunteers associated with our program are introduced to the Twelve Steps for the rst time by witnessing our clients work through them. These onlookers are frequently surprised by the undeniable power of the Steps. Sometimes they even decide that they could benet from engaging with them as well. As one of our community volunteers and participants in our family program stated: “We are all in recovery from something.” Similarly, we consistently hear from surprised clients in early recovery that they never expected the Steps to have such far-reaching implications for their lives beyond their drinking and drug use. As a treatment center founded in 1975, we have seen these stories play out time and again in various ways. Regardless of personal background, or whether substance abuse is a problem or not, people who sincerely engage with the simple process laid out in the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) seem to be able to begin addressing issues that have been troubling them for years.1 How can such a simple system, developed by a group of newly sober alcoholics in the 1930s, provide such wide-ranging benets to such a diverse group of people? Brief History of the Twelve StepsThe Twelve Steps have a humble origin story. They were not published by a group of religious leaders, psychologists, or social scientists, but a man named Bill Wilson, who had worked in nance, and his group of alcoholic friends in 1939. Their new-found solution emerged from Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith’s participation in the Oxford Group, a spiritual community attempting to implement rst-century Christianity.The Twelve Step literature is not written in the grand tones of religious scripture or with the clinical precision of a medical textbook. Rather, the material is in the form of plainspoken, pragmatic instructions laying out “a few simple rules” or “suggestions.” In laying out this approach, the Big Book makes great effort to avoid absolute statements. It makes no claims of exclusivity on spirituality, stating “[u]pon therapy for the alcoholic himself, we surely have no monopoly” as well as denying any “monopoly on God.” The writers make their case for its effectiveness in their own lives, without attempting to coerce or force the reader into taking the same course of action. Their approach is direct in its description of alcoholism, but also gentle in its invitation to others. The Twelve Steps | A Path Available to EveryoneBy Matt Shedd

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21MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020My name is Kevin Park, and I am a part-time pastoral staff member at the Korean Central Presbyterian Church (KCPC), responsible for leading the English Ministry at the church. Our church is a walking distance from the MARR Men’s Recovery Center and quite a few of your clients have been coming to our Sunday worship service for the past four months or so. We are delighted by their presence and have been blessed by them. Their spiritual vulnerability is palpable, and they hear the preached word in a more immediate way than I am used to. Almost always, after worship, at least one MARR client speaks with me, commenting on the sermon and asking deep questions. I lead the smaller, English-speaking group of about 50 (including folks from MARR) that worship in the upstairs space we call the Upper Room. This is a typical arrangement for a Korean immigrant church where there second-generation, English-speaking congregation. I do think that what’s happened is extraordinary—that mostly white men going through an addiction treatment spiritual home. No one can make this stuff up. I do sense that the MARR men are experiencing God’s power in and through their weaknesses and through the community of broken people with wise mentors like you guiding them.Gratefully,Kevi n ParkKevin Park Korean Central Presbyterian Church/English Ministry www.joongangch.orgCounityA LETTER FROM THEIt was not long before non-alcoholics began using the Steps to help develop their spiritual and emotional lives as well. By 1952, just 13 short years after the Big Book was published, there were already 87 groups of family members of alcoholics meeting together for mutual support to practice the principles of AA in their own lives.2 The Twelve Steps were also being used early on to address addictions other than alcoholism, with Narcotics Anonymous ofcially being formed in 1953. In the years since, Twelve Step fellowships have proliferated the world over in the form of many different “Anonymous” groups. Today there are Twelve Step fellowships addressing nearly any conceivable issue relating to chemical addiction, behavioral addiction, and the general struggles of being human. Whether it’s codependency, overeating, sex addiction, online gaming, difcult emotions, or racism, the Twelve Steps have been applied to countless psychological or spiritual difculties that we humans encounter.A Radical ApproachMuch of why the Steps seem to be so widely applicable is their ability to get at the roots of what is underneath the problematic behavior. The Big Book succinctly states, “Alcohol was but a symptom. We had to get down to causes and conditions.” People in long-term recovery will often tell you that although drinking, drug use, or compulsive behavior brought them into the rooms of recovery, they are also quick to point out that alcohol, drugs, and other problematic behaviors are only referenced in the First Step. The rest of the Steps refocus the individual on how to live and move forward without relying on that particular self-destructive habit. In a very real sense, this is a “radical” approach. As Biblical scholar Ched Myers notes in his work, the word “radical” is derived from the latin word “radix,” which means “root.” So by denition, a “radical” approach has everything to do with getting to the roots of the illness or pathology. It also suggests a faithfulness to the “roots” of the wisdom tradition a person is working within—in this case, the Twelve Step approach. This often means rigorously following the process as it is outlined in the Big Book by the society’s founders. To our clients upon admission, the approach laid out in the Big Book does indeed feel “radical.” The initial response from the person in early recovery is usually: What do inventories, amends, meditation, and prayer have to do with my drinking or drug use? They often don’t realize the signicance of these practices until they have been led through the process by another experienced member of the fellowship. An Accessible ApproachThe Twelve Steps provide this guidance while also using language that many nd accessible regardless of their background. The Steps are able to do this because they restate general spiritual principles in neutral language not specic to a particular faith or tradition. The openness of the language also allows them to be applied in virtually any context. Practitioners have found they are able to use the Steps in conjunction with a wide range of spiritual traditions or no spiritual tradition at all. Continued on page 2721MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020

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22MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Sex, Drugs, and Intimacy Building Better Relationships in Recovery By Rick McKain, MAC, LPCLeader of the Building Better Relationships GroupMARR Men’s Recovery CenterAs the leader of our Building Better Relationships group at MARR’s Men’s Program, I have worked with our male clients for over 20 years on intimacy issues. Regardless of which issue precedes the other, substance abuse and difculty in intimate relationships frequently go hand in hand. The origin of doing intimacy work with men grew out of a need that our clients at our Men’s Center were presenting. We noticed that more and more men who were dealing with substance abuse issues also had sexual addictions that needed to be addressed. There was enough of a need that we decided to establish a group to work with clients specically on those concerns.In the early days of that group, we restricted admission to people who met strict criteria for sexual addiction. But as the group evolved, we decided to broaden the parameters so that even if a client did not meet strict criteria for sexual addiction, but wanted to work on addressing issues preventing them from being intimate with their romantic partners, they would be able to participate.As the group took shape over the years, the curriculum evolved to address the issues that were underlying the sexual addiction or intimacy issues. Just like treating chemical addiction, to treat issues around intimacy and sexuality we need to go beyond the surface behavior to address the underlying emotional, psychological, and spiritual dysfunction.If we do not go deeper than the problematic behavior, we will only be operating on the level of symptom management, rather than working toward a solution. We must work with our clients to start to answer deeper questions, like “What needs are not being met?” and “What emotional wounds are our clients attempting to address with the behaviors that prevent intimacy?”The Real Issue: Do I Have What It Takes? For most of our male clients dealing with intimacy issues, we can often trace much of the dysfunction directly to their relationships with their parents, particularly their fathers. One of the resources we use to address this is the book You Have What it Takes by counselor and author John Eldredge. In it, he writes that the relationships between fathers and sons are characterized by the son constantly looking to the father for the answer to an important question: “Do I have what it takes?” How a father answers this question, with or without words, has enormous power to shape how the son perceives himself. When a person has this question answered for them positively, based on a healthy afrming relationship with their parents, they can deeply believe: “Yes, I have what it takes.” This knowledge provides them with a solid foundation for their intimate relationships going forward. They can know that their value is not dependent on another person’s feelings about them, or anything else that may be outside of themselves. This security in their own worth and value provides them with the stability to be open and vulnerable in intimate relationships. They are free to take the emotional risks required to accept others as they are and allow themselves to be seen as they are. On the other hand, if a child is told some variation of “you are not enough,” or given no response at all, this leaves the person uncertain whether or not they do have what it takes.It is not that parents intend to answer this question negatively or intentionally withhold this answer from their children. Oftentimes, parents themselves did not have the question answered for them when they were children, and lack the capacity to answer it for their kids. With this essential question unanswered, a person will continue to search for somebody to answer it for them. Many men carry this unanswered question into their adult relationships. Because they are relentlessly searching for somebody to tell them they are enough, they are not emotionally available to be vulnerable and intimate with their partners. Often people’s sexual fantasies are attempts to resolve this trauma of not knowing whether they are enough. I was convinced of this by the research and writing of psychologist Mark Laser, Ph.D., who specialized in treating sexual addictions. It may sound far-fetched at rst, but think about having a psychic wound—a secret belief that you are not enough or that you are fundamentally undesirable. Many of the men I work with carry this wound around with them, and many attempt to relieve the pain by developing the fantasy in which they are sexually desired by a partner or multiple partners. Such a fantasy where one is intensely desired and pursued provides the perfect salve for this wound of feeling unwanted, except it’s the wrong medicine for the wound. To treat issues around intimacy and sexuality we need to go beyond the surface behavior to address the underlying emotional, psychological, and spiritual dysfunction.

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23MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020The problem is that fantasies exist only in the mind, and the relief that they bring is only temporary. Fantasies provide a false and eeting substitute for the satisfying intimacy that we really desire and are wired to give and receive. Failed Attempts to Answer the QuestionFor a teenager or a young man, the initial jolt of sexual intimacy with their partner provides a sense of closeness and belonging that seems to satisfy their question. For a while, they feel, “Yes, I am enough.” But when the novelty of this relationship wears off, they nd themselves returning to their unanswered question. This can lead to a string of supercial sexual encounters, pornography usage, and risky sexual behaviors. In some cases, this pattern develops into sexual addiction and often leads away from satisfying and intimate relationships.Like any addiction, as time goes by, the subsequent encounters provide a diminishing sense of satisfaction for the person, and compulsive patterns always eventually bring unwanted consequences. However, as with substance abuse, the person can remain caught in the cycle despite the illogical destruction of the process. Sexual relationships are not the only places a person will look to answer this question. Their careers, personal relationships, athletics, and physical training are other areas I’ve seen our clients look for reassurance that they have what it takes. How it manifests is less important than the underlying need to be reassured that they are enough. The failed attempts to be reassured of this has played out in hundreds of different ways in the lives of our clients who struggle with intimacy issues. In our group, each of them writes out these patterns through a trauma exercise, life story, and fantasy exercise, which they eventually share with the other members. Viewed together, these exercises give them a thorough understanding of the wound that they have and how they have tried to unsuccessfully resolve it through behaviors that prevent vulnerability and intimacy with their partners.Over the course of the 12 weeks of the group, we do not have enough time to work through and resolve all the trauma. However, they are able to identify what their issues are and it lays the groundwork to continue to work on them with an individual counselor and maybe even a trauma therapist.But perhaps most signicantly, as a result of sharing and listening throughout the 12 weeks of the Building Better Relationships group, many of our clients not only learn about themselves, but actually experience the strength and resilience that comes through intimate relationships. The bond formed by men who go through this group together is so strong that frequently they maintain these intimate friendships over the course of a lifetime.Through the process of being vulnerable and open with one another, they have begun to answer their question. They realize that they do have what it takes, and that the truly satisfying answer to the question cannot come from outside of oneself.This builds a foundation for them to be able to be open and vulnerable with their romantic partners in a way that they were incapable of before.Before they complete the group, they also write out their mission statement, answering the questions of what their mission is in life. Along with this, they develop a philosophy paper on intimacy, relationships, and sex. They present both of these papers on the nal night of the extended group.Both of these are personal to our clients. Like developing a belief in a higher power, like they do in Step 2, a life mission on intimacy and relationships are not dictated to them. For them to be successful, they need to feel that these statements connect to their deepest held values. They present their vision for the future of their life and intimate relationships to the group on the nal evening. Because of the closeness developed in the 12 weeks of the group, these men usually remain close with each other for years to come. They are able to provide feedback and accountability after the group is over and they continue to strive toward their ideals. Like all forms of recovery, community is vitally necessary to continue in the difcult but rewarding work. The gap between our unrealistic fantasies and truly intimate relationships can only be crossed through the process of practicing vulnerability. Our clients learn this through rst practicing this vulnerability with one another and diminishing shame. In the process they learn—yes, they have what it takes to do the brave and courageous work of carrying that vulnerability home and creating intimacy in their personal lives as well. 23MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Read online at https://www.marrinc.org/sex-drugs-and-intimacy-issues/

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24MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Everybody wants power. Everybody. And if they say they don’t, they’re lying.-Robert ShenkkanBy the time our clients arrive at our door, they have run out of power.Whereas previously they had been able to force their way through daily life, despite the worsening side effects of chronic addiction, they nd that they are no longer able to do so. They now nd themselves checking into a residential treatment facility, which is nobody’s rst choice. In fact, they have likely tried everything possible to avoid it.Most of our clients have been slowly losing the ght with their addiction for years, but it isn’t for lack of trying. In advanced addiction, people frequently swear to themselves and others that they will never drink or use again. And they mean it. Yet they continue to use and drink.These are often smart, successful, capable people—people who seem to have easily been able to handle their problems up until now. Doctors, lawyers, nurses, successful business owners, pilots and other professionals regularly come to our centers as clients.Yet, when it comes to addiction, these same people’s abilities are not enough. They desperately want power, but they can’t seem to access it.The same is true for members of our family program struggling with codependency. Like the addict and alcoholic, the family members have exhausted themselves as well. They have tried making threats, taking back threats, lending money, letting their loved one move back home, practicing tough love, and everything in between.They too have usually sworn to themselves multiple times that they are done participating in their loved one’s disease. Yet, they also nd themselves jumping in to rescue their loved one from crisis after crisis, and it doesn’t seem to be getting better for their loved one or themselves. In both cases, they desperately want to get better, perhaps more than anything, but they simply do not have the power to do so.The Illusion of PowerWe all want power, and in the early stages of addiction, substance use provides it.When alcoholics or addicts begin to drink or use, they do not initially appear to be controlled by drugs and alcohol, either to themselves or to most outside observers. In fact, in the early stages the opposite seems to be true. Alcohol and drugs seem to be giving them a newfound sense of control over life.If an alcoholic or addict tells you about this early stage of their addiction, while it’s happening, it feels as if they are having a profound spiritual experience. It is not a coincidence that liquor is referred to as “spirits.” In early addiction, perhaps for the rst time in their life, the addict feels deeply connected to themselves, those around them, and even to something larger than themselves, such as “God” or “the Universe.”Everybody Wants PowerBy Matt Shedd

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25MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020But this phase of addiction with limited consequences is temporary. Rather than solely giving the addict or alcoholic a sense of power, the substance begins to betray the person, frequently putting them in positions where they feel powerless. The cost/benet analysis of the addiction becomes more of a gamble, with the odds tilting increasingly in favor of the illness. Substance use still brings some relief, but also introduces other inconveniences like troubles at home, at work, or with the law.Eventually, the illness crosses into a more desperate stage, where negative consequences far outweigh whatever positive benets remain. The chemical dependency has made the substance necessary simply to maintain any sort of equilibrium, and the addict’s life circumstances become increasingly dire. Unemployment, divorce, and loss of family relationships are common in this phase. But the obsessive fantasy that the substance can provide them with power once again continues to dictate what seems like irrational behavior from the outside. Herein lies the cruel irony of addiction. The substance that formerly provided the primary source of power for the addict or alcoholic has now become the primary mechanism of bondage. It’s a ruthless cycle, often imperceptible to those who are caught in it. The substance which formerly provided an escape from unwanted emotions eventually becomes the primary cause of the unwanted emotions. This leads to increased chemical dependence to deal with their chronic distress, and the cycle continues.The same is true for family members of the addict who are caught up in an increasing cycle of codependent behavior. Rescuing, controlling, and enabling provide codependent family members with relief by giving the illusion of power over the addiction. But just like a drug, the codependent actions that formerly provided relief no longer sufce.Deeper chemical addictions on the part of the addict demand deeper cooperation with the addiction from the codependent family members. Parents who regularly bail out their daughter nancially when she overdraws on her account may eventually nd themselves bailing her out of jail because of the progression of the addiction. Similarly, a wife who used to keep track of her alcoholic husband’s schedule might now need to call in sick on her husband’s behalf to create that same sense of control over an increasingly out of control home life.This codependent “rescuing” behavior provides a perfect environment for the addict’s disease to continue to progress and cause more disruption in the home. And for the family, the codependent behaviors that used to provide an illusion of control in an uncontrollable situation no longer provide them with any relief. Deeper codependence is now required to create a sense of safety for the codependent family member. And on and on it goes.Continued on page 28

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26MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020To read online, visit https://www.marrinc.org/nicotine-free-sobriety-and-risks-of-vaping/ or scan the above QR code.To listen to the full interview on our Stories of Recovery Podcast visit https://www.marrinc.org/ep-52-the-risks-of-vaping/ or scan the above QR code.Nicotine Free Sobriety and the Risks of Vaping: Continued from page 18says “If you smoke, but you don’t do anything else...well, it’s not a great thing. But you know, if that’s the thing that keeps you away from using other drugs of abuse, well, we’ll kind of accept that.” We’re learning now that’s not the case, and that it is probably best to give up all products that are addictive. If someone continues to smoke, even though they may overcome other addictions, it can lead back to prior addictive behaviors by keeping the pleasure center in the brain responsive to certain chemicals.Do you typically introduce the idea of quitting smoking to somebody who is in early recovery?I usually want to hear what they have to say and what their motivations are. If someone is motivated to overcome an addiction other than smoking, I might say to them, “Well, we’re going to work on that, and how do you feel about giving up tobacco?” I might suggest that they consider quitting nicotine products, and I let them know that there is help for that as well. Ultimately, being fully successful at overcoming addictive behavior usually means giving up smoking and vaping.Vaping has been in the news though most people might not know much about it. Could you give us a brief overview of what vaping is and some of the risks associated with it?Use of e-cigarettes, also called vaping, produces an aerosol by heating a liquid that contains avorings, chemicals, and quite frequently nicotine and sometimes THC. The user inhales that aerosolized vapor into their lungs. The idea behind e-cigarettes, which became available about 14 years ago, was to help people quit smoking. One of the problems that subsequently developed is that younger people, who often were not smokers beforehand, began vaping and using e-cigarettes because they thought it was “cool”. Vaping was marketed as being a cool sort of a thing to do that was safe. Because it has different kinds of avorings like mint and strawberry, it became very appealing to young people. Vaping and e-cigarette use have been shown to be potentially helpful for adults who are trying to transition away from more traditional tobacco products like smoking and chewing tobacco. The problem is that it’s turned into a harmful habit for some young people who were not smokers and may lead them down the path into becoming smokers.Also, there are many different forms of electronic cigarettes with different components to them that are unknown and potentially unhealthy. Most electronic devices are produced overseas thus there is no control over what contaminants may be used in their production.A couple of months ago there was an outbreak of pneumonia and acute respiratory distress among some people who were using electronic vaping devices. This was well-publicized and is cautionary. Not only is there a risk to breathing in aerosolized chemicals which contain nicotine, but by breathing in chemicals that are harmful, there is also a risk of developing a lung infection.How would you summarize the public misconception about vaping?Using electronic cigarettes with the goal of quitting tobacco products and overcoming dependence on nicotine and staying with that goal can be helpful for some people. However, the caution is that use of e-cigarettes and vaping are not approved successful treatments for overcoming nicotine dependence or quitting smoking and also incur health and addiction risk. My recommendation would be to use a combination of FDA-approved medications such as Chantix or nicotinereplacement (e.g nicotine patch or nicotine gum) combined with behavior change counseling.What would you suggest for parents who just found out their 16-year-old son or daughter is vaping? What approach would you pass on to them?I would recommend sitting down with the young adult or teen to nd out what’s going on rather than blaming or making accusations or threatening them about consequences. I might want to ask: “How did you get started with this? And why do you think you are using e-cigarettes?” And then if there’s a good opportunity, providing helpful information. I would advise to be careful about overly aggressive approaches such as scare tactics which we discussed earlier, that are not usually effective as they tend to get tuned out by teens.If you have one thing to pass on to people who are reading this, what would it be?There is an enormous amount of evidence showing that tobacco use in any form is highly addictive and extremely harmful to the human body. Second hand smoke is harmful to those who live with or share space with smokers. Pet health is negatively impacted by the chemicals found in tobacco smoke. Life is short and the human body is very delicate. I would advise avoidance of all tobacco and nicotine products. If you use, get help to assist you with quitting. Find alternative ways to manage the stress in your life and nd other forms of pleasure that would lead to the same sense of relief and enjoyment that nicotine products provide. The majority of people in the U.S., 85%, do not smoke. It is therefore easy to nd a friend or neighbor or co-worker who does not smoke and spend time with them. Avoid places where people smoke, as visual and olfactory cues can be a trigger to use, just like in other addictions. If you are having difculty quitting, establish some new relationships with non-smokers and consider obtaining some professional counseling. Join a support group. Millions of Americans have quit smoking over the past several decades and you can, too. It requires motivation and willingness to make change.

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27MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020This article can be shared online at:https://www.marrinc.org/the-twelve-steps-a-path-available-to-everyone/The Twelve Steps: Continued from page 21 Spiritual writers and leaders, who may not be in recovery from chemical addictions themselves, have recently been nding in the Twelve Steps another non-dogmatic way to restate what their traditions have been teaching followers for hundreds or even thousands of years. A recent prominent example is Richard Rohr’s book on the Twelve Steps, called Breathing Underwater. In giving context to his comparative reading of the Steps alongside Biblical passages, Rohr writes “The Twelve Step Program parallels, mirrors, and makes practical the same message that Jesus gave us, but without as much danger of spiritualizing the message and pushing its effects into a future and metaphysical world.” Practitioners of other faiths have found that this compatibility extends to their traditions as well. Buddhist practitioner Kevin Grifn describes the Twelve Steps enriching his Buddhist practice, stating “[t]he Buddha said that the cause of suffering is desire, and the Twelve Steps try to heal people from desire gone mad: addiction.” People have noted similar points of connection in other faith traditions, such as Islam, Hinduism, and Taoism, with the website Sacred Connections (http://www.12wisdomsteps.com) providing specic examples of these and other faiths’ commonality with the Twelve Steps. Similarly, agnostics and atheists have also found resonance with the Twelve Steps. AA historian, Catholic priest, and much beloved friend of AA, Ernest Kurtz endorsed and wrote a foreword for Beyond Belief: Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life by Joe C. This text stands as just one example of recent attempts to try to make the Twelve Steps even more accessible to people who don’t identify with any other spiritual traditions.Throughout the Big Book, practicality takes precedence over particular spiritual beliefs. It’s difcult, and probably unnecessary, to understand precisely why and how the Steps work. They continue to be widely applied by people struggling with alcoholism and the wider world for a simple reason: people see the Steps working in the lives of others, and as a result ask somebody to take them through the Steps as well. As the Big Book states, almost as if the writers themselves are somewhat shocked by the effectiveness of their program: “It works—it really does.” Working the Twelve Steps is one way that we can start to nd it.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 1 Additional outside help, such as therapy, medical attention, and psychiatry, is often required in this process and is always encouraged in the AA literature and actively used by MARR’s clinical staff.2 Under the leadership of Lois Wilson, Bill Wilson’s wife, these autonomous groups joined together to form Al-Anon Family Groups—a fellowship that remains life-changing and vibrant to this day. At MARR, we actively recommend participation in Al-Anon to family members of our clients.27MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020

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28MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020Everybody Wants Power: Continued from page 25 A Different Kind of PowerThose suffering from chemical addiction and their codependent family members are desperately in need of power. Both parties nd themselves forcing their way through an increasingly painful life using tools that no longer work. Even if they know that there is no power left in their substance use or codependent behavior, where else are they to turn? The primary tools they have been using to handle their problems for years no longer work.Often clients and their families nd their way to us when they are at this point. Forcing their way through life with methods that no longer work has required them to coerce, cajole, manipulate, and impose their will on others and the world around them. This is an exhausting process, a constant grind. But recovery asks something different from us. As Dee K., a Men’s Center alumnus puts it, “life doesn’t have to be a grind.”Everybody wants power. In fact, we all need it. Both chemical addiction and codependency—an addiction in its own right—narrow our vision of what is possible. Addiction deceives us into believing that there is only one place to nd power. While caught in the addictive loop, we miss the fact that there are more effective sources of power available to us—an alternative to the coercive, domineering sense of power required by addiction.Through the process of recovery, our clients and their family members can begin to conceive and access a different kind of power. Working the Twelve Steps provides an opportunity for the person in recovery to see how ineffective and self-defeating their coping mechanisms have been. They begin to see things as they actually are. They can start to perceive that the survival skills they have been using are actually destroying their lives and negatively affecting everyone around them.When these realities begin to take root, rather than continuing to rely on the isolating, coercive, and dominating power that was required to feed their addiction, people in recovery begin to nd a more sustainable and enduring form of power. The Twelve Steps point the way to a more authentic and reliable form of power that comes through the process of surrendering to how things are, rather than the way we think things should be. This power draws on the strength of community and mutual aid to deal with life as it comes. It is a power that can “match calamity with serenity” as the Big Book states.When we experience the dependability of this deeper, more authentic power, we can start to perceive the unreliable nature of coercive power associated with addiction and codependency. Coercive power relies on dominating our circumstances and those around us to feed our addiction’s increasing demands. It’s unreliable because nobody can control people and circumstances outside of themselves at all times.The authentic power that comes through recovery is quieter, but it works in all circumstances. It is available to us regardless of what is going on outside. It’s a power that we gain access to when we remove the false ideas and judgments that have been preventing access to our true selves, meaningful relationships with others, and something greater than ourselves. When we get rid of all of our resentments, judgments, fears, and shame, this authentic power seems to come in from all sides to help us deal with life’s problems as they arise.This authentic power can get us through even the most trying circumstances. It can give us the courage to face life no matter what happens. At MARR we regularly see this power help our clients, alumni, and their families live meaningful and fullling lives in the face of all manner of difculties, even job loss, imprisonment for past wrongs, or the tragic death of a loved one. Only once we see these transformations take place, can we start to begin to understand what the Big Book means when it says: “Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to nd a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.”Drinking, drug use, and codependent behavior are just the surface issues. They are what bring our clients and their family members to our door, but they are not the real problem. The real problem is that we all need power—authentic, reliable power. Working the Twelve Steps is one way that we can start to nd it.Read online at https://www.marrinc.org/everybody-wants-power/We are excited to announce that Dr. Kambiz Aatoon has joined our team as MARR’s medical director. Dr. Aatoon is board certied in general psychiatry and addiction psychiatry and has served as medical director at both SummitRidge Hospital and Ridgeview Institute. Dr. Aatoon also founded New Focus Addiction and Behavioral Health, the parent company for Eagle Overlook Recovery for Adolescents.Taking a strength-based treatment approach, Dr. Aatoon addresses his patients’ mental, physical, and spiritual care as closely linked together. His medical approach looks at the underlying needs that are not being met in clients’ active addiction. This approach complements and enriches MARR’s philosophy of whole-person recovery. “Some of the best people I have ever met in my life are people who are in long-term recovery,” Dr. Aatoon stated. “In my treatment, I focus on helping my patients to see that if they live according to the solution of the 12 Steps, nding out that they have an addiction can be very good news. There is a solution to the problem, and the solution can provide them with a remarkable life.”Dr. Aatoon received his medical degree at Des Moines University and completed a fellowship at Emory University in addiction psychiatry. He has published peer-reviewed research on personality traits and addictive behaviors. MARR’s New Medical Director | Dr. Kambiz Aatoon

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29MARR, Inc. | Spring 2020It’s difcult to overstate the impact our volunteers have on the vitality of our program and the recovery that we help to introduce into our clients’ lives. Volunteering at MARR has been something of a tradition for the Willingham Family. Across the span of 40 years, multiple generations of Willinghams have been active partners with MARR, providing volunteer and nancial support, and building lasting relationships with MARR clients and alumni from MARR’s earliest days up until the present. The Willinghams’ involvement with MARR began back in 1981 when Jean Willingham started as one of the original members of MARR’s very rst Spiritual Life Groups. Jean remained a very active participant throughout the rest of her life. Her regular Wednesday night Spiritual Life Group was permanently etched into her schedule. In fact, the family would schedule vacations around Wednesday night to ensure her regular attendance. Jean also served for several years as a board member on MARR’s Board of Directors. She remained an active presence and valued member of the MARR family until her death in 2001. “Jean was very committed to MARR and recovery in general,” said Doug Brush, family friend of the Willinghams. “She would never miss a group, and she even recruited other members of her church to become volunteers as well.” Jean and her husband, Tom Willingham II, a well-respected businessman in the Atlanta community, were also generous nancial partners, supporting MARR throughout the years. Tom II became personally involved as a volunteer later in his life after his wife’s death, regularly attending a Spiritual Life Group for a year until declining health prevented him from continuing to attend. (Tom II passed away in January 2020.) A second generation of Willinghams, Tom Willingham III and his wife Beth, carry on the tradition, remaining active MARR community members to this very day. Inuenced by the enthusiasm of her mother-in-law, Jean, Beth began volunteering in a Spiritual Life Group in 2010. Like Jean, Beth never misses a group, and even increased her participation as a volunteer to twice a week. “The Spiritual Life Groups provide me with a community,” Beth stated. “The groups certainly do more for me than I do for the groups. I’ve learned that we all have the same problems, we just handle them differently. Being in a room with people who are being raw and real and sharing their struggles—it’s just very powerful.” Like the earlier generation of Willinghams, Tom III and Beth have also been faithful nancial partners. They began regularly giving to MARR in 2002, with gifts supporting various parts of MARR including all three of MARR’s programs, as well as MARR’s scholarships for clients that require nancial assistance. Tom III and Beth also remain connected to MARR as regular attendees of a Twelve-Step Sunday school class at St. John’s United Methodist Church, started by Doug Brush and another MARR volunteer, Brent Woodruff. Like the Spiritual Life Groups at MARR, this class focuses on the spiritual principles of the Steps but by looking at specic Bible passages. The class discusses how the Twelve Steps apply to their daily lives, and through this class, Tom III and Beth remain connected to alumni who also attend, and they get to continue to watch the miracle of recovery unfold. When asked to describe why he supports MARR, Tom III responded by saying, “Who doesn’t love watching lives transform? You see these guys come in and, if they do the work, their lives are completely transformed. Lives are restored and families are reunited. It’s almost like watching a good movie, but so much better.”We are always looking to grow the MARR family. If you’re interested in partnering with MARR as a volunteer, please contact us at communications@marrinc.org. If you are interested in making a nancial donation, you can reach out to Manager of Donor Relations Julie Shields at funddev@marrinc.org, or you can donate online at https://www.marrinc.org/donations/.Partner Spotlight | The Willingham Family Spiritual Life Groups are groups hosted by MARR Addiction Treatment Center throughout the Atlanta area. The groups bring together current MARR clients, MARR alumni, and community volunteers to connect on a general spiritual basis and support one another in the process of spiritual growth. The groups focus on the spiritual principles behind the Twelve Steps and how to apply these principles to life, whether one is recovering from substance abuse or not.

New Meanings Spring 2020

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