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Ambassadors of Reconciliation is a non profit international ministry founded to equip Lutherans and their churches for living proclaiming and cultivating lifestyles of reconciliation We are a Recognized Service Organization of the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod Our approach is based upon the Holy Scriptures and the Lutheran Confessions Learn more about us at www AoRHope org Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible English Standard Version ESV copyright 2001 by Crossway a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers Used by permission All rights reserved Quotations from Luther s Small Catechism are from Luther s Small Catechism with Explanation 1986 1991 Concordia Publishing House Used with permission All rights reserved www cph org With the exception of the Small Catechism the quotations from the Lutheran Confessions in this publication are from The Book of Concord The Confessions of the Evangelical Lutheran Church ed by Theodore G Tappert Fortress Press 1959 2016 by Ambassadors of Reconciliation All rights reserved Ver 09 19 2

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1 Remember Whose You Are How does my identity affect reconciliation See what kind of love the Father has given to us that we should be called children of God and so we are 1 John 3 1a Our study begins with the section Be Reconciled to God Luther s Small Catechism teaches that in our Baptism we were given a new identity This identity affects how we view ourselves and others including during our disagreements Remembering our Baptism reminds us whose we are Review from Luther s Small Catechism The Sacrament of Holy Baptism As the head of the family should teach it in a simple way to his household First What is Baptism Baptism is not just plain water but it is the water included in God s command and combined with God s word Which is that word of God Christ our Lord says in the last chapter of Matthew Therefore go and make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit Matthew 28 19 Second What benefits does Baptism give It works forgiveness of sins rescues from death and the devil and gives eternal salvation to all who believe this as the words and promises of God declare Which are these words and promises of God Christ our Lord says in the last chapter of Mark Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved but whoever does not believe will be condemned Mark 16 16 Third How can water do such great things Certainly not just water but the word of God in and with the water does these things along with the faith which trusts this word of God in the water For without God s word the water is plain water and no Baptism But with the word of God it is a Baptism that is a life giving water rich in grace and a washing of the new birth in the Holy Spirit as St Paul says in Titus chapter three 5

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He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit whom He poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior so that having been justified by His grace we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life This is a trustworthy saying Titus 3 5 8 Fourth What does such baptizing with water indicate It indicates that the Old Adam in us should by daily contrition and repentance be drowned and die with all sins and evil desires and that a new man should daily emerge and arise to live before God in righteousness and purity forever Where is this written St Paul writes in Romans chapter six We were therefore buried with Him through baptism into death in order that just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father we too may live a new life Romans 6 4 Who am I by nature Behold I was brought forth in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me Psalm 51 5 Watch a young child to see what happens when she doesn t get what she wants What are some things she might do in response to not getting her way Where does she learn to handle things this way The Bible teaches who we are by nature Discuss how the following Scripture passages describe our old identity and the consequences of this nature By nature I am We have all become like one who is unclean and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment Isaiah 64 6 6 A sinful creature Psalm 51 5 Romans 3 10 12 23 James 2 10 An enemy of God Isaiah 59 2 Romans 5 10 One who daily struggles with my sinful nature Job 14 4 15 14 Romans 7 14 25 Galatians 5 17 Unclean and worthless a beggar who has nothing to offer God Isaiah 64 6 Romans 3 12 1 Timothy 6 7 Condemned to be separated from God eternally Romans 6 23a

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Who am I in Christ When his teenage daughters began going out on their own their father said to them as they were going out the door Remember who you are What do you think he was telling them In spite of our sinful nature we have been given a new nature as children of God What are the benefits of this new nature based on the passages that follow In Christ I am A new creature through Him Isaiah 53 5 6 John 3 16 2 Corinthians 5 16 21 In Baptism changed from an enemy to an heir Romans 6 2 5 Galatians 3 26 4 7 Titus 3 5 7 A beloved child of God precious in His eyes Isaiah 43 4 John 1 12 13 1 John 3 1 Cleansed and ransomed by the precious blood of Christ 1 John 1 7 1 Peter 1 18 19 No longer separated from God I have been brought near by His blood Ephesians 2 12 13 Romans 8 35 39 See what kind of love the Father has given to us that we should be called children of God and so we are 1 John 3 1 How can I understand my worth as an individual On my own I am sinful and unclean separated from God But in Christ I have been made a new creature an heir of God s heavenly promises a child of God cleansed and purchased by Christ s blood My worth is not measured by my own being or works Neither is my value defined by what others think My worth in found in the precious blood of Christ I am a redeemed child of God What does my Baptism have to do with conflict Conflict often catches us by surprise leading us to react immediately without thinking As Christians we should anticipate conflict because we live in a world tainted by sin and people are sinful by nature Knowing what God has done for us through Christ the Bible teaches us to respond to conflict in ways that are dramatically different from our sinful nature How might your Baptism affect the way you respond to conflict My Baptism comforts me through the forgiveness of sins and the gift of the Holy Spirit My sins have been washed away Acts 2 38 22 16 Baptism gives me my identity as a new creation and a child of God 2 Corinthians 5 17 1 John 3 1 7

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Baptism reminds me that I am called to live not for myself but rather for Christ 2 Corinthians 5 14 15 Having been baptized into Christ I can walk in the newness of life Romans 6 3 4 Baptism teaches me to put off the old self and put on a new self Ephesians 4 22 24 Using the sign of the cross in conflict Who needs to be reconciled First I need to be reconciled to God Psalm 51 3 5 1 John 1 8 9 Next I need to be reconciled to others o Someone who has something against me Matthew 5 23 24 o Someone who has sinned against me Matthew 18 15 Whether or not I need to be reconciled to someone else I may need to help another However I must use care Galatians 6 1 2 How should I view others in conflict People for whom Christ has died John 3 16 This includes A brother or sister in Christ a fellow child of God 1 John 3 1 23 Someone who does not yet know Christ 1 Peter 2 12 1 Peter 3 14 17 Conflict resolution vs reconciliation Material Issues include money property roles structure etc Conflict resolution Addresses the material or substantive issues of the conflict We identify problems to be solved and negotiate with the other person to resolve them Reconciliation Restores the relationship by addressing the relational or personal issues of the conflict These issues are reconciled through confession and forgiveness Personal Issues include hurtful words actions gossip denial avoidance etc 8 With whom is my most serious conflict in all of life Isaiah 59 2 Romans 3 10 12 What are the consequences of being in that conflict Romans 6 23a Did God use conflict resolution or reconciliation in addressing my conflict with Him 2 Corinthians 5 18 19

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Case Study Robert and Emily adult siblings disagree on how to provide care for their elderly mother Esther Esther has been living alone in her home but her health has been declining over the last few years Five weeks ago she fell and broke her hip After a week in the hospital she has been in a recovery center receiving care and therapy Esther is ready to be released but cannot stay in her home alone anymore Years before while Dad was living Robert promised both his parents that he would never put them into a nursing home Robert wants Mom to live with her children trading every other month one month with Robert and his wife and the next month with Emily and her husband Emily believes that Mom should be moved into a permanent nursing facility where she can receive 24 hour care Emily is worried that neither of them can provide the kind of care their mother needs Esther wants to move back into her home She knows that is not possible now but she hopes that soon she can return home Emily and Robert have had a number of disagreements over the care of their mother but on the day before Esther was to be released they both lost their tempers in front of the social worker Emily called her brother stupid and unrealistic Robert accused his sister of being non caring and unwilling to sacrifice for their mother No decision was reached and they left the social worker s office still bickering Esther Robert and his wife and Emily and her husband are all Christians but Emily s family attends a different church Application These questions can apply to the above case study or to a current conflict from your personal life For the case study you can assume either Robert s or Emily s role 1 How have you contributed to this conflict Who has been affected by your sinful thoughts words or actions 2 In spite of your sinful nature how does your heavenly Father view a you For a conflict from your life b the person with whom you are in conflict apply these questions to yourself writing out your 3 In light of how your heavenly Father views you both answers a What is your worth to God b What is the other person s worth to God 4 Review the catechism question from page 5 What benefits does Baptism give under Second What comfort does your Baptism give you in the midst of this struggle 5 In Christ we are called as new creatures to put away our old self and put on our new self in Christ a How can you put away your old self in this conflict b How can you put on your new self in Christ c What would your contrition and repentance look like 6 Describe what material or substantive issues need to be resolved in your conflict 7 Identify what relational issues need to be reconciled in your conflict 8 Write a prayer asking for God s help in resolving the material issues and reconciling with the other person 9

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2 Repent before God How do my conflicts with others affect my relationship with God The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit a broken and contrite heart O God you will not despise Psalm 51 17 Be Reconciled to God continues as we examine ourselves according to the Ten Commandments Review from Luther s Small Catechism The Ten Commandments As the head of the family should teach it in a simple way to his household The First Commandment You shall have no other gods What does this mean We should fear love and trust in God above all things The Second Commandment You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God What does this mean We should fear and love God so that we do not curse swear use satanic arts lie or deceive by His name but call upon it in every trouble pray praise and give thanks The Third Commandment Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy What does this mean We should fear and love God so that we do not despise preaching and His Word but hold it sacred and gladly hear and learn it The Fourth Commandment Honor your father and your mother What does this mean We should fear and love God so that we do not despise or anger our parents and other authorities but honor them serve and obey them love and cherish them The Fifth Commandment You shall not murder What does this mean We should fear and love God so that we do not hurt or harm our neighbor in his body but help and support him in every physical need 11

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The Sixth Commandment You shall not commit adultery What does this mean We should fear and love God so that we lead a sexually pure and decent life in what we say and do and husband and wife love and honor each other The Seventh Commandment You shall not steal What does this mean We should fear and love God so that we do not take our neighbor s money or possessions or get them in any dishonest way but help him to improve and protect his possessions and income The Eighth Commandment You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor What does this mean We should fear and love God so that we do not tell lies about our neighbor betray him slander him or hurt his reputation but defend him speak well of him and explain everything in the kindest way The Ninth Commandment You shall not covet your neighbor s house What does this mean We should fear and love God so that we do not scheme to get our neighbor s inheritance or house or get it in a way which only appears right but help and be of service to him in keeping it The Tenth Commandment You shall not covet your neighbor s wife or his manservant or maidservant his ox or donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor What does this mean We should fear and love God so that we do not entice or force away our neighbor s wife workers or animals or turn them against him but urge them to stay and do their duty The Close of the Commandments What does God say about all these commandments He says I the Lord your God am a jealous God punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love Me and keep My commandments Exodus 20 5 6 What does this mean God threatens to punish all who break these commandments Therefore we should fear His wrath and not do anything against them But He promises grace and every blessing to all who keep these commandments Therefore we should also love and trust in Him and gladly do what He commands 12

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What is the underlying source of our conflicts Conflict may be caused by misunderstandings or differences in perspectives or goals But the Bible teaches that our fights and quarrels are caused by a certain kind of desire In James 4 1 3 we read What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you Is it not this that your passions are at war within you You desire and do not have so you murder You covet and cannot obtain so you fight and quarrel You do not have because you do not ask You ask and do not receive because you ask wrongly to spend it on your passions What does conflict reveal about my heart The serpent said For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God knowing good and evil Genesis 3 5 Our quarrels and fights reveal our hidden desires which become evident when we act on those desires and sin against God or others Rather than responding to disagreements as children of God we may react from our sinful nature by attacking or fleeing When we don t get what we want we make our demands known and punish others For example A teenager A worker A husband 1 How have each sinned against the First Commandment 2 Which of the other commandments were broken 3 Where does sin originate Psalm 51 10 Jeremiah 17 9 10 Matthew 15 19 How does conflict in my heart relate to idolatry Jesus said For out of the heart come evil thoughts murder adultery sexual immorality theft false witness slander Matthew 15 19 Luther explains the First Commandment We should fear love and trust in God above all things Any time we fear love or trust someone or something else more than God we sin against the First Commandment We are guilty of a form of idolatry putting someone or something above God A god is that to which we look for all good and in which we find refuge in every time of need To have a god is nothing else than to trust and believe him with our whole heart As I have often said the trust and faith of the heart alone make both God and an idol That to which your heart clings and entrusts itself is I say really your God 1 1 Luther s Large Catechism First Part The Ten Commandments in Theodore E Tappert ed The Book of Concord The Confessions of the Evangelical Lutheran Church Philadelphia Fortress Press 1959 365 13

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Sins against the First Commandment Fears Cravings Misplaced Trust When we are willing to sin in order to get what we want we are not fearing God most of all We are not loving Him above everyone or everything else We are not trusting that He will give us everything we need We turn our desires into demands demanding what we want from others and even from God This puts us in conflict with anyone including God whom we believe is putting up a roadblock to our desires The result Fights and quarrels James 4 1 3 Our heart is determined to get what we want when we want it and the way in which we want it When an individual behaves sinfully against another person especially one who is close to him her the underlying motivation to serve one s own desires is revealed Instead of self sacrifice one sacrifices the desires or needs of others including other family members Rather than restraining sinful thoughts words and actions a person by nature falls prey to temptation to do whatever is necessary to please oneself Sinful behaviors exhibited in conflict reveal our struggle to serve ourselves and the secret desires of our hearts We want to be the god of our own heart s desires and we expect others to give in to our demands In other words we are guilty of idolatry What are some examples of the idols of the heart Sin originates in the heart Our heart s desires become idolatrous when we fear love or trust someone or something more than God Consider some of the idols of our hearts that might be revealed in conflict Improper desires for physical pleasure Referred to cravings or lusts of the flesh in the Bible 1 John 2 15 17 Galatians 5 16 21 Ephesians 4 17 20 Pride and arrogance Self proclaimed gods judge others who do not meet their demands These judgments lead to condemning and punishing those who do not serve them Proverbs 8 13 Proverbs 16 18 Matthew 23 12 Love of money or material possessions Another example of craving or lust 1 Timothy 6 10 Hebrews 13 5 Fear of man Excessive concern about what others think of us leading to a preoccupation with acceptance approval popularity personal comparisons self image or pleasing others Proverbs 29 25 Luke 12 4 7 Good things that I want too much Good desires that we elevate into demands aka cravings or lusts Luke 12 22 31 James 4 1 3 14

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How do idols develop Jonah 2 8 1 John 5 21 An idol can begin with a godly fear desire or trust But once we demand what we want it begins to develop into a full blown idol We slide down a slippery slope moving from desire to demand When expectations are not met our frustration increases and we judge those who will not give us what we want If they continue to refuse us we punish them The devil promises good things i e happiness satisfaction safety success fame special knowledge etc if we turn our devotion away from God and devote ourselves to the idols of our hearts But this is a great deception The Development of an Idol Fear Desire Trust Demand Unmet expectations Frustrations If left unchecked idolatry results in destruction or death of the idol and or the person worshipping it In other words idolatry leads to death Judge Punish End Result For example consider the eventual results of a Destruction or Death drug addict not giving up his cravings loss of friends and family loss of self respect loss of health If he never gives up his craving for drugs he will eventually lose his life The use of the drug promised great feelings and freedom In the end however it results in death Not everyone is a drug addict But our own idols can lead to similar results What is sacrificed to the idols of our heart Those guilty of worshipping idols sacrifice to them This is also true of idols of the heart We sacrifice people or things to serve our own idols Consider a person whose idol was to get promoted at work Janet believed that she deserved the promotion because of the number of years she worked for the company and she wanted to earn more money She had been overlooked for several promotions When an opening for a higher position became available Janet applied for it But she learned that two co workers also applied Desperate to get the new position she told some false rumors to the employer about the other two candidates hoping that this would undermine their credibility and improve her odds for getting the job What did she sacrifice to achieve what she wanted 15

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Her employer learned that the rumors were false The woman not only failed to get the promotion but she was terminated for her lack of integrity Discuss Janet s progression of her idol The Development of an Idol Fear Desire Trust Janet s Progression of Her Idol Fear Desire or Trust Demand Demand Unmet expectations Unmet expectations Frustrations Frustrations Judge Punish Judge Punish End Result Destruction or Death The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit a broken and contrite heart O God you will not despise Psalm 51 17 End Result In contrast to what we sacrifice to idols what does God require for sacrifice How can we flee from the idols of our hearts and turn towards God The way to flee from our idols and turn towards God is this Repent Confess your idolatrous sins to God and believe in His forgiveness for you Through repentance we exchange our worship of our false gods for the worship of the true God Those who repent and seek hope for overcoming temptation receive God s comfort Psalm 51 1 12 1 John 1 9 2 Corinthians 5 14 15 1 Peter 2 24 Case Study Review the Case Study from Lesson 1 page 9 Application Consider the idols listed in this lesson Ask yourself the following questions to identify the idols with which you were struggling 16 Put yourself into either Robert s or Emily s shoes Use the questions below to understand his or her idols For personal application consider a conflict where you may have felt one of the following anger bitterness pride fear judgmental attitude jealousy or defensiveness Reflect on the following questions to identify your underlying idols

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1 Improper desires for physical pleasure a What physical pleasure did you find yourself thinking about much of the time b When a certain desire or expectation was not met did you feel frustration resentment bitterness or anger c What was unsatisfying about the gifts God has given you d How did you get even with the other person when you did not get what you wanted from him her 2 Pride and arrogance a How are your expectations of the other person magnifying your demands on him her and your disappointment in his her failure to meet your desires b How are you judging the other person when your desires are not met c How are you getting even with the other person when your desires are not met d How have you communicated to the other person what you feel he she must do e How have you threatened the other person Give me what I want or you will pay 3 Love of money or material possessions a What preoccupies your thoughts What is the first thing on your mind in the morning and or the last thing at night b Fill in this blank If only I had _________________ then I would be happy fulfilled and secure What does this suggest to you about your trust in God for what you desire c When a certain desire or expectation is not met do you feel frustration resentment bitterness or anger 4 Fear of man a Whose approval do you want most of all b Whom are you seeking to please at almost any cost c What do you want to preserve or avoid about your reputation d In this situation what or whom do you fear most 5 Good things that I want too much a What do you find yourself thinking about much of the time b What causes you the most worry How has your anxiety replaced your trust in God c Fill in this blank If only _________________ then I would be happy fulfilled and secure What does this suggest to you about your trust in God for what you desire d When a certain desire or expectation is not met do you feel frustration resentment bitterness or anger 6 What or whom have you sacrificed to get what you wanted 7 If you do not repent of this pattern what will be the destructive results 8 What are some of the Commandments you have broken in this conflict Compare your thoughts words and actions to the explanations of the Ten Commandments 9 What hope is there for you See 1 John 1 9 Romans 5 8 15 13 Ephesians 1 7 10 Write a prayer that reflects your confession and your thanks to God for His forgiveness Include a petition for strength to overcome these temptations in the future 17

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3 Receive God s Forgiveness How am I reconciled to God If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 1 John 1 9 In this third lesson on Be Reconciled to God we review confession and forgiveness Review from Luther s Small Catechism Confession As the head of the family should teach it in a simple way to his household What is Confession Confession has two parts First that we confess our sins and second that we receive absolution that is forgiveness from the pastor as from God Himself not doubting but firmly believing that by it our sins are forgiven before God in heaven What sins should we confess Before God we should plead guilty of all sins even those we are not aware of as we do in the Lord s Prayer but before the pastor we should confess only those sins which we know and feel in our hearts Which are these Consider your place in life according to the Ten Commandments Are you a father mother son daughter husband wife or worker Have you been disobedient unfaithful or lazy Have you been hot tempered rude or quarrelsome Have you hurt someone by your words or deeds Have you stolen been negligent wasted anything or done any harm Luther provided a form for private confession as an example in the Small Catechism For a contemporary form refer to the pamphlet Proclaiming God s Forgiveness included in this study What is the Office of the Keys The Office of the Keys is that special authority which Christ has given to His church on earth to forgive the sins of repentant sinners but to withhold forgiveness from the unrepentant as long as they do not repent Where is this written This is what St John the Evangelist writes in chapter twenty The Lord Jesus breathed on His disciples and said Receive the Holy Spirit If you forgive anyone his sins they are forgiven if you do not forgive them they are not forgiven John 20 22 23 19

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What do you believe according to these words I believe that when the called ministers of Christ deal with us by His divine command in particular when they exclude openly unrepentant sinners from the Christian congregation and absolve those who repent of their sins and want to do better this is just as valid and certain even in heaven as if Christ our dear Lord dealt with us Himself This question may not have been composed by Luther himself but reflects his teaching and was included in editions of the catechism during his lifetime How does our idolatry lead us into more sin In Lesson 2 we saw how idols begin in the heart and lead us to slide down a slippery slope of sin One of the well known persons from the Old Testament is David the shepherd boy blessed by God to be anointed king of Israel God richly blessed King David and he had many wives and concubines However his wealth and power did not satisfy the desires of his heart He wanted more as recorded in 2 Samuel 11 Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy If anyone should have recognized the need to confess sin at several points in this account one would have thought that David would have done so Instead he made several attempts to cover up his sin What actions did he take to conceal his sins How does Proverbs 28 13 address our attempts to cover up our sins In addition to concealing his sins what other sins did David commit in this account What did David s sins reveal about the following idols Improper desires for physical pleasure Pride and arrogance Love of money or material possessions Fear of man Good things that he wanted too much What was David willing to sacrifice in order to serve his idols How is David s slide into these sins similar to our own struggle with sin and the idols of our hearts Proverbs 28 13 20

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How can the idolatrous sinner be reconciled to God The sinner often needs help to recognize and admit sin God sent the prophet Nathan to guide David to be reconciled to God as recorded in 2 Samuel 12 1 13 David had blinded himself to the seriousness of his sins and he thought that he had sufficiently hidden his sin from others What was God s response to David s actions according to 2 Samuel 11 27 How does David s experience with his own self deception compare to what we do when we deny our sin Although King David attempted to cover up and deny his sin the prophet Nathan helped David recognize his sin and confess to God Reflecting on 2 Samuel 12 1 6 what did Nathan do that was so effective in convicting David of his sin How was King David reconciled to God 2 Samuel 12 13 Our sinful nature leads us to ignore our sin or try to cover it up We desire to be righteous and to be judged by others as basically good people One way to accomplish this is by denying that we have done anything sinful However God warns against the denial of our sin Note the connections in the following verses If we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us 1 John 1 8 Jesus said to him I am the way and the truth and the life No one comes to the Father except through me If we say we have not sinned we make him a liar and his word is not in us 1 John 1 10 John 14 6 Those who claim to be without sin justify themselves What did Jesus say about those who were self righteous Matthew 9 10 13 Matthew 23 27 28 The self righteous believe that their own good deeds make them righteous They do not need the Savior Those who deny their own sin deny their need for Jesus Isaiah 64 6 7 Luke 18 9 14 Good News is available for those who confess their sins before God Proverbs 28 13 1 John 1 9 We cannot make ourselves righteous and our sin separates us from God Isaiah 59 2 The wages of sin is death Romans 6 23 Yet we can stand before God and not be condemned 2 Corinthians 5 21 Romans 1 16 17 Romans 8 1 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us John 1 14a 21

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Scripture teaches that we are poor miserable sinners unable to do anything on our own to earn favor with God We come to the throne of God as beggars with nothing to offer to atone for our sinful nature or sinful behaviors God has had mercy on us sinners placing all of our sins upon His Son and giving us the righteousness of Jesus Nothing in my hand I bring Simply to Thy cross I cling Naked come to Thee for dress Helpless look to Thee for grace Foul I to the fountain fly Wash me Savior or I die Augustus M Toplady 1740 78 Rock of Ages Cleft for Me 3rd stanza public domain Note how the Augsburg Confession defines repentance including what happens as a result Properly speaking repentance consists of these two parts one is contrition that is terror smiting the conscience with a knowledge of sin and the other is faith which is born of the Gospel or of absolution believes that sins are forgiven for Christ s sake comforts the conscience and delivers it from terror Then good works which are the fruits of repentance are bound to follow 2 Christ s forgiveness for our sins including our idolatry restores us in our relationship with God We confess our faith when we confess our sins to God and believe in the Good News that for Jesus sake we are forgiven Knowing that we are forgiven then enables us to do the good works that God plans for us to do Notice how the Apostle Paul describes this in Ephesians 2 8 10 Daily confession In Lesson 1 we reflected on the meaning of our Baptism including the following What does such baptizing with water indicate The more you minimize sin the more will grace decline in value Luther s Works Volume 1 St Louis CPH 1958 142 2 It indicates that the Old Adam in us should by daily contrition and repentance be drowned and die with all sins and evil desires and that a new man should daily emerge and arise to live before God in righteousness and purity forever Why is daily contrition necessary for the child of God What does confession of sin indicate about our faith in Jesus The Augsburg Confession Article XII 3 6 in Theodore G Tappert ed The Book of Concord The Confessions of the Evangelical Lutheran Church Philadelphia Fortress Press 1959 34 35 22

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Living in forgiveness We are forgiven But the temptations of our sinful flesh the world and the devil can lead us to doubt this truth Our doubt is revealed when we lose sight of whose we are through Baptism when we forget what God has done for us in Christ when we self justify in order to make ourselves righteous According to 2 Peter 1 9 the cause of people not bearing good fruit is forgetting that their sins have been forgiven Remembering that we are forgiven in Christ is the key to living as the children of God God has given us these means to be assured of God s forgiveness Corporate confession and absolution Private confession and absolution with my pastor Confession and forgiveness with a brother or sister in Christ The Word of God The Lord s Supper Remembering my Baptism For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins 2 Peter 1 9 Remembering God s Forgiveness Christ s forgiveness heals our hurts and empowers us to die to sin and live to righteousness When guilt or doubts threaten to take away your joy in Christ s forgiveness focus on God s assurance for you From the back page of the pamphlet Proclaiming God s Forgiveness read the passages of Scripture aloud inserting your name For example Name He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness By his wounds Name you have been healed 1 Peter 2 24 BE RECONCILED TO GOD What does it mean to be reconciled to God In Christ God was reconciling the world to himself not counting their trespasses against them and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation Therefore we are ambassadors for Christ God making his appeal through us We implore you on behalf of Christ be reconciled to God 2 Corinthians 5 19 20 23

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Case Study Kyle and Nicole were engaged to be married in three months For several years Kyle had been working as a production manager in a company that produced specialized components for the heavy equipment industry Business was booming His boss offered to promote him to plant manager if he would agree to do whatever the boss asked him to do The promotion meant a raise plus large bonuses Kyle quickly agreed thinking that the increased income would be great for a new marriage He didn t ask his boss what was meant by do whatever the boss asked Two weeks into his new position his boss asked him again about his commitment Kyle affirmed his agreement apprehensive of where this was leading The boss told him that two of the plant employees were older early 60 s and that meant that their seniority wages and health insurance were costing the company more expense than younger employees In addition they weren t as energetic as the younger guys on the team So Kyle needed to begin documenting everything these two guys did wrong so that Kyle could justify firing them in the next 45 days His boss promised to give him a bonus equaling 1 3 of the savings in annual health insurance costs which would amount to a few thousand dollars Kyle s heart sank He respected both of the older workers knowing that both men were solid workers Their families were dependent upon their incomes Kyle feared it would be difficult for them at their ages to find new jobs that paid as well He regretted his promise to do whatever just to get the promotion and he resented his boss for setting him up Kyle began to document even exaggerate the severity of the two men s mistakes He raised his voice with them whenever they slipped up letting them know they were being written up Guilt started to overcome him as a Christian Their mistakes were no worse than others mistakes including his own He knew what he was doing was wrong even evil He was unable to sleep well at night He became moody and snapped at Nicole for the smallest things She asked him what was wrong but Kyle was reluctant to tell her what was bugging him In fact he hadn t told anyone He felt trapped and began to fall into a depression Nicole wondered if her fianc was having second thoughts about the wedding Application Questions 1 Which of the following idols are you guilty of in this situation Review the application questions at the end of Lesson 2 if you have not done so a Improper desires for physical pleasure b Pride and arrogance c Love of money or material possessions d Fear of man e Good things that I want too much These questions can apply to the above case study or to a current conflict from your personal life For the case study assume Kyle s role For a conflict from your life apply these questions to yourself writing out your answers 2 Besides the individuals with whom you are in conflict which others are being affected by your thoughts words or actions 24

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3 What is keeping you from confessing your sins against God before one of the following Your pastor A mature Christian with whom you are not related but whom you trust A mature Christian with whom you are related and who loves you a Pray that God will take away your fear of confessing before another person and give you courage b If you continue to struggle with your guilt and yet are reluctant to confess to someone who will proclaim God s forgiveness to you seek out your pastor or a mature Christian for advice and encouragement 4 Application of confession and hearing God s forgiveness proclaimed to you Make an appointment with your pastor or a mature Christian believer Explain that you desire to confess your sin to God before another person so that you might audibly hear God s forgiveness proclaimed to you by another Christian o If the person is not your pastor ask for his or her commitment to keep what you confess confidential pastors vow to keep private confession confidential o Tell the person that you have a simple form that will help guide you both When you meet you may give some background of the situation if helpful for you But such background is not necessary for the person hearing your confession Consider asking the person to use the form enclosed with this Bible study Using that form you can confess your sins to God and the person hearing your confession can proclaim God s forgiveness to you If confessing to your pastor he can also use a form for private absolution found in the hymnal or catechism Your confession may be general or it may include specifics God knows more about your sin than you do and He does not need details in order for Him to forgive However if a specific sin is troubling you confessing that particular sin aloud will help you to own your sin More importantly when God s forgiveness is proclaimed to you it will help you to own the forgiveness providing you with special comfort and assurance Whether or not the form is used be sure to request that the person hearing your confession specifically use Bible verses in proclaiming God s forgiveness many are included in the form enclosed with this Bible study Ask the person to pray for you 25

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4 Confess to the Other Person How does my confession lead to reconciliation Therefore confess your sins to one another that you may be healed James 5 16 We begin the section Be Reconciled to Others with Confess to the Other Person In this lesson our catechism review highlights The Creed From Luther s Small Catechism The Creed As the head of the family should teach it in a simple way to his household The First Article Creation I believe in God the Father Almighty Maker of heaven and earth What does this mean I believe that God has made me and all creatures that He has given me my body and soul eyes ears and all my members my reason and all my senses and still takes care of them He also gives me clothing and shoes food and drink house and home wife and children land animals and all I have He richly and daily provides me with all that I need to support this body and life He defends me against all danger and guards and protects me from all evil All this He does only out of fatherly divine goodness and mercy without any merit or worthiness in me For all this it is my duty to thank and praise serve and obey Him This is most certainly true The Second Article Redemption And in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord who was conceived by the Holy Spirit born of the Virgin Mary suffered under Pontius Pilate was crucified died and was buried He descended into hell The third day He rose again from the dead He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty From thence He will come to judge the living and the dead What does this mean I believe that Jesus Christ true God begotten of the Father from eternity and also true man born of the Virgin Mary is my Lord who has redeemed me a lost and condemned person purchased and won me from all sins from death and from the power of the devil not with gold or silver but with His holy precious blood and with His innocent suffering and death 27

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that I may be His own and live under Him in His kingdom and serve Him in everlasting righteousness innocence and blessedness just as He is risen from the dead lives and reigns to all eternity This is most certainly true The Third Article Sanctification I believe in the Holy Spirit the holy Christian church the communion of saints the forgiveness of sins the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting Amen What does this mean I believe that I cannot by my own reason or strength believe in Jesus Christ my Lord or come to Him but the Holy Spirit has called me by the Gospel enlightened me with his gifts sanctified and kept me in the true faith In the same way He calls gathers enlightens and sanctifies the whole Christian church on earth and keeps it with Jesus Christ in the one true faith In this Christian church He daily and richly forgives all my sins and the sins of all believers On the Last Day He will raise me and all the dead and give eternal life to me and all believers in Christ This is most certainly true How do my sins affect others When we sin against God we usually sin against others These offenses harm our relationships with those we hurt Our sins also affect others directly and indirectly How we treat one another affects our witness to Christ and our faith in the forgiveness of sins Consider James a teenage son who failed to return home with the car at the time required by his mother He got so caught up in his personal activities with friends that he neglected to watch the time and his cell phone was dead because he forgot to charge it He arrived home an hour late His mother needed the car to pick up her younger daughter Amy from the dentist s office This resulted in the dentist being late for one of his commitments as he had to wait at his office for Amy to be picked up The dentist expressed his anger to Amy s mother on the phone Besides his mother who else is affected by James sins When James arrived home late he sinned against God by disobeying and dishonoring his mother 4th Commandment and breaking his word 8th Commandment These were also sins against the 1st Commandment James essentially made himself a god living to please his own desires James s sins against God hurt his relationship with his mother 28

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When James arrived late his mother unleashed her anger against him She yelled at him calling him names and told him he can no longer use the car he was grounded James yelled back at his mother reminding her that she was 30 minutes late to pick him up after school one time and over an hour late after basketball games twice in the last week That meant that James had less time to do homework and his grades suffered as a result He called her a bad name and shouted Now you know what it feels like How do the following Scripture passages apply to James mother in her response to her son s sin Galatians 6 1 2 Ephesians 6 4 James 3 1 Instead of confessing his sin how did James justify himself No matter how his mother responded to his sin what comfort can you provide James as he recognizes his faults in this situation Proverbs 28 13 1 John 1 9 1 Peter 2 24 What would you encourage James to do now If you were a trusted friend of James mother and heard about the confrontation from her how could the following verses provide counsel for her James 5 16 Matthew 5 23 24 1 Peter 2 24 Both mother and son sinned against one another in their confrontation What are the dangers of anger While we may not show as much outward anger or disrespect as James and his mother our inner reactions to conflict can be just as sinful in God s eyes Anger may lead to Losing our temper saying hurtful things that bring harm and not healing Ephesians 4 29 Grieving the Holy Spirit of God Ephesians 4 30 When I lose my temper I might justify it Resentment or grudges Ephesians 4 31 You made me so angry is actually a form of self justification Unkind harsh and unforgiving attitudes and actions Ephesians 4 32 Anger is my response In truth no one can make me angry but me There are times when anger may be an appropriate response In fact people often speak of righteous anger Certainly our God disapproves of sinful activity and expresses His anger at sinful behavior But God also knows how to perfectly control His anger 29

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How long should righteous anger last God s anger lasts a short time but his favor lasts forever Psalm 30 4 5 Psalm 103 8 13 When our anger lasts longer than sunset we give opportunity to the devil Ephesians 4 26 27 For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God Make no friendship with a man given to anger nor go with a wrathful man lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare James 1 20 Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly Proverbs 22 24 25 Proverbs 14 29 A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger Proverbs 15 1 How does confession or denial reflect my confession of faith Denial of sin is a denial of our need for Christ However when we confess our sins trusting in God s forgiveness of sins we confess our faith in Christ cf 1 John 1 9 30 When we fail to confess our sin whom are we trusting and in whom are we placing our faith for justification What does this imply about our profession of faith The Greek word translated confess homolog men means say the same thing When we confess our faith in the words of the Apostles Creed we say the same thing that God says in His Word He created me He redeemed me and He sanctifies me When we confess our sins we confess our faith in Christ But when we deny our sin or whenever we self justify we profess a different confession of faith

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Who is responsible for taking the first step In most disputes each party contributes to the conflict Even if one initiates the conflict the other person s reaction or failure to act in a godly way fuels the discord The Christian in conflict is always responsible for taking the first step including The one who becomes aware the someone else has something against him Matthew 5 23 24 The one who has been sinned against Matthew 18 15 Every child of God is called to live at peace with everyone Romans 12 18 Confessing to others Inadequate words for confession Our society does not recognize biblical confession and forgiveness As a result people use other words that are poor substitutes for the real thing I apologize Can mean to express regret Can mean to make a defense Bible does not use the word apologize for confession Proverbs 28 13 1 John 1 9 James 5 16 Therefore confess your sins to one another that you may be healed James 5 16 emphasis added I m sorry Can mean to express godly sorrow regret for sin Can mean to express worldly sorrow e g I m sorry I have to suffer Can mean I m sorry you re upset I m sorry but or I m sorry if justifies one s offense so that another can be blamed Bible distinguishes between godly grief and worldly grief 2 Corinthians 7 10 31

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Guidelines for Christian Confession Expressing godly sorrow in confession reflects true contrition it is a fruit of repentance However we are so accustomed to self justifying that our words often serve to avoid taking responsibility for our sin Instead our words seek to blame others or explain away our guilt Consider the following Guidelines for Confession Go as a beggar Matthew 5 23 24 Luke 15 19 Luke 18 13 14 James 5 16 Own your sin Numbers 5 5 7 Psalm 32 3 5 Psalm 51 3 4 o I sinned against God and you when I o I was wrong Identify your sins according to God s Word Sinful thoughts Ecclesiastes 2 1 3 Matthew 15 19 Luke 6 45 Sinful words Exodus 20 16 Proverbs 11 13 Ephesians 4 29 Sinful actions Exodus 20 12 17 Matthew 7 12 Galatians 5 19 21 Sins of omission such as failing to love as Christ commands 1 Corinthians 13 4 7 o Note Psalm 51 4 and the prodigal son s confession to his father in Luke 15 21 o o o o Express sorrow for hurt your sin has caused Luke 15 21 o My sin hurt you by or I am sorry for how my actions hurt you when o If you are unsure how your behavior was hurtful ask How have my actions hurt you Commit to changing your behavior with God s help Psalm 51 10 12 Matthew 3 8 Luke 19 8 Romans 6 21 22 Ephesians 4 22 24 o With God s help I will not do this again Be willing to bear the consequences Numbers 5 5 7 Luke 15 21 Luke 19 8 Ask for forgiveness Genesis 50 17 Psalm 32 5 Matthew 5 23 24 Luke 18 13 Trust in Christ s forgiveness Psalm 103 8 13 Colossians 1 13 14 Ephesians 1 7 10 o Regardless if the other person forgives trust in Christ s forgiveness While not every one of the above guidelines is necessary for a godly confession these can help you take full responsibility for your part in a conflict and avoid denying your sin or blame shifting 32

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Sample Confessions Review the following confession to God from the Divine Service Most merciful God we confess that we are by nature sinful and unclean We have sinned against You in thought word and deed by what we have done and by what we have left undone We have not loved You with our whole heart we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves We justly deserve Your present and eternal punishment For the sake of Your Son Jesus Christ have mercy on us Forgive us renew us and lead us so that we may delight in Your will and walk in Your ways to the glory of Your holy name Amen 3 Another form of confession can be found in the form Proclaiming God s Forgiveness included with this Bible study Identify which of the Guidelines for Confession are included in the two forms of confession above Note how the absolution or proclaiming of God s forgiveness helps with the last guideline I acknowledged my sin to you and I did not cover my iniquity I said I will confess my transgressions to the Lord and you forgave the iniquity of my sin Psalm 32 5 3 Divine Service Setting One Lutheran Service Book Saint Louis MO Concordia Publishing House 2006 151 Print 33

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Case Study As an alternative to reading the following Case Study utilize the skit You Wrecked My Car Or watch the video Father Son 1 from the DVD Responding to Sexual Temptation in a High Tech Society You can order both the skit and DVD from www hisaor org in the bookstore Matt is a 17 year old with his new driving license His parents have a house rule that Matt is not allowed to drive without first gaining permission from them One evening while Matt s parents were gone Matt s friend Jake called Jake had just broken up with his girlfriend and was upset Without contacting his parents Matt immediately went out of the house taking his father s Jeep When backing the Jeep out of the driveway Matt backed into a retaining wall and broke a taillight But he was in such a hurry that he didn t notice He then picked up Jake and drove around so that they could talk He returned home before his parents and parked the Jeep back in the driveway When his parents came home his father saw the damaged taillight and came into the house to confront his son Matt denied taking the Jeep and Matt s dad became angry yelling and accusing him Matt responded in anger denying his actions and showing disrespect for his father Without resolving the matter Matt walked out on his father muttering Whatever If using the skit or video save Scene 2 skit or Father Son 2 video for Lesson 6 34

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Application Questions These questions can apply to the above case study or to a current conflict from your personal life For the case study assume either Matt s or his father s role For a conflict from your life apply these questions to yourself writing out your answers 1 If you could go back in time and do anything differently in your encounter with the other person what would that be Reflecting on your answer what have you failed to do as a child of God 2 Consider whether you have any bitterness against the other person Read Ephesians 4 26 27 How long have you been angry How has your bitterness become a foothold for the devil 3 Reflect on your words in your conflict with the other person Compare them to Ephesians 4 29 32 What words have you spoken to the other person that were not helpful for building up 4 Think about others you have talked to about this situation Comparing your speech to Luther s explanation to the 8th Commandment how have you sinned Note especially the pro active requirements of this commandment in Luther s explanation below What does this mean We should fear and love God so that we do not tell lies about our neighbor betray him slander him or hurt his reputation but defend him speak well of him and explain everything in the kindest way emphasis added 5 Read Philippians 2 14 15 Whether or not you talked to someone else have you grumbled or complained about the other person 6 What behaviors did you exhibit that failed to follow God s commands 7 Compare your thoughts words and actions to what the Bible describes in 1 Corinthians 13 4 7 How have you failed to love the other people involved 8 Prepare to express your confession to the other person Use the Guidelines for Confession to write out the words you could use Go as a beggar Own your sin Identify your sins according to God s Word Express sorrow for hurt your sin has caused Commit to changing your behavior with God s help Be willing to bear the consequences Ask for forgiveness Trust in Christ s forgiveness 9 Write a prayer for God s help in confessing to the other person 35

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5 Forgive as God Forgave You How does forgiving and resolving lead to reconciliation Put on then as God s chosen ones holy and beloved compassionate hearts kindness humility meekness and patience bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you so you also must forgive Colossians 3 12 13 From Luther s Small Catechism The Lord s Prayer As the head of the family should teach it in a simple way to his household Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be Thy name Thy kingdom come Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever Amen The Introduction Our Father who art in heaven What does this mean With these words God tenderly invites us to believe that He is our true Father and that we are His true children so that with all boldness and confidence we may ask Him as dear children ask their father The First Petition Hallowed be Thy name What does this mean God s name is certainly holy in itself but we pray in this petition that it may be kept holy among us also How is God s name kept holy God s name is kept holy when the Word of God is taught in its truth and purity and we as the children of God also lead holy lives according to it Help us to do this dear Father in heaven But anyone who teaches or lives contrary to God s Word profanes the name of God among us Protect us from this heavenly Father The Second Petition Thy kingdom come What does this mean The kingdom of God certainly comes by itself without our prayer but we pray in this petition that it may come to us also How does God s kingdom come God s kingdom comes when our heavenly Father gives us His Holy Spirit so that by His grace we believe His holy Word and lead godly lives here in time and there in eternity 37

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The Third Petition Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven What does this mean The good and gracious will of God is done even without our prayer but we pray in this petition that it may be done among us also How is God s will done God s will is done when He breaks and hinders every evil plan and purpose of the devil the world and our sinful nature which do not want us to hallow God s name or let His kingdom come and when He strengthens and keeps us firm in his Word and faith until we die This is His good and gracious will The Fourth Petition Give us this day our daily bread What does this mean God certainly gives daily bread to everyone without our prayers even to all evil people but we pray in this petition that God would lead us to realize this and to receive our daily bread with thanksgiving What is meant by daily bread Daily bread includes everything that has to do with the support and needs of the body such as food drink clothing shoes house home land animals money goods a devout husband or wife devout children devout workers devout and faithful rulers good government good weather peace health self control good reputation good friends faithful neighbors and the like The Fifth Petition And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us What does this mean We pray in this petition that our Father in heaven would not look at our sins or deny our prayer because of them We are neither worthy of the things for which we pray nor have we deserved them but we ask that He would give them all to us by grace for we daily sin much and surely deserve nothing but punishment So we too will sincerely forgive and gladly do good to those who sin against us The Sixth Petition And lead us not into temptation What does this mean God tempts no one We pray in this petition that God would guard and keep us so that the devil the world and our sinful nature may not deceive us or mislead us into false belief despair and other great shame and vice Although we are attacked by these things we pray that we may finally overcome them and win the victory The Seventh Petition But deliver us from evil 38

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What does this mean We pray in this petition in summary that our Father in heaven would rescue us from every evil of body and soul possessions and reputation and finally when our last hour comes give us a blessed end and graciously take us from this valley of sorrow to Himself in heaven What are some false substitutes for forgiving Forgiving as the Lord has forgiven you is often misunderstood even among God s elect Our society has conditioned us to use false substitutes for the biblical language I forgive you as Christ has forgiven me Identify what is biblically false or weak in the following Excusing Phrases such as That s okay No problem or Don t worry about it Isaiah 59 2 Romans 6 23a James 2 10 Punishing You deserve my judgment and condemnation Luke 6 36 37 Romans 2 1 James 4 11 12 Earning I won t forgive you until you deserve it or earn it Romans 6 23b Romans 5 15 Ephesians 2 8 9 Recalling I will never let you forget what you did Jeremiah 31 34 Psalm 103 8 10 2 Corinthians 5 17 21 How does God forgive me We deserve God s full wrath and punishment including eternal death Yet God forgives us so completely that we are considered holy fully righteous in the sight of God Note how God forgives me My sins are not excused God s justice required blood Hebrews 9 22 1 John 1 7 My sins needed to be punished Christ paid the full price for my sins Isaiah 53 5 6 John 19 30 My forgiveness is not conditional upon my works Romans 6 23b Ephesians 2 8 10 My past sins will not be brought up and used against me Jeremiah 31 34 1 Corinthians 6 11 My sins do not condemn me John 3 17 Romans 8 1 My sins have been washed clean I am covered by Christ s righteousness Romans 3 21 22 2 Corinthians 5 21 39

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How can I forgive as the Lord forgives me The 5th Petition Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us When teaching His disciples to pray Jesus warned against unforgiveness For if you forgive others their trespasses your heavenly Father will also forgive you but if you do not forgive others their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses Matthew 6 14 15 What did Jesus mean Does our heavenly Father only forgive us if and when we forgive those who have sinned against us Why is it so difficult to forgive as God has forgiven us When we forgive others we give witness to our faith in Christ and what He has done and is doing for us When I forgive as God has forgiven me I am living my confession of faith When I forgive as God has forgiven me I demonstrate That I believe in my own forgiveness of sins Acts 10 43 Ephesians 1 7 12 Colossians 3 12 13 That I believe that Jesus died for the sins of all people including those who have sinned against me Luke 23 34 42 43 John 3 16 Romans 3 23 26 That I remember that I am a forgiven child of God saved by His grace John 1 12 13 1 John 3 1 Ephesians 1 7 That I am a disciple of Jesus who loves others as God loves me John 13 34 35 1 John 4 10 12 1 Peter 4 8 When I fail to forgive others as God has forgiven me I demonstrate For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins 2 Peter 1 9 God will treat me as I treated others In the parable of the unmerciful servant we are exhorted to forgive as God has forgiven us Matthew 18 21 35 I am nearsighted and blind because I have forgotten that I was cleansed from my past sins 2 Peter 1 9 I have failed to clothe myself with the qualities God calls me to including bearing with one another and forgiving as God has forgiven me Colossians 3 12 13 In summary I demonstrate weak faith in the forgiveness of my sin Unforgiveness can separate us from God 40

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What is impossible for man Paul writes in Ephesians 4 32 Be kind to one another tenderhearted forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you Forgiving others as God has forgiven us is impossible on our own strength Yet our God calls us to do to others as He has done for us God promises to give His children the ability to do what He calls us to do God grants us strength through His Holy Spirit so that we may live our lives in faith and so that we may have strength to comprehend the immensity of God s love Thus we will know the love of Christ and be filled with all the fullness of God The Holy Spirit works through the means of grace His Word and Sacraments Ephesians 3 14 21 Because Christ died for us on the cross we can die to sin and live to righteousness Through Christ s wounds we are healed 1 Peter 2 24 With St Paul we can confess I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Philippians 4 13 Does forgiveness remove consequences In a congregation where a church treasurer embezzled from church funds the congregation was polarized on how to respond Some said We must not show any mercy He deserves to go to jail and rot Others said Wait aren t we Christians We re supposed to forgive and forget Why does neither of these viewpoints present a biblical perspective Does forgiveness relieve consequences Note that the Bible teaches that forgiveness does not necessarily remove the earthly consequences Nevertheless our Lord often shows great mercy withholding the consequences An example is given in the parable of the prodigal son Luke 15 11 32 in which the father showed great mercy to his repentant son When balancing mercy and consequences consider the purposes of consequences Consequences may be necessary to provide restitution Numbers 5 5 7 Luke 19 8 Consequences may be a form of discipline for teaching the sinner Proverbs 3 11 12 Hebrews 12 11 Consequences provide others an example or warning 1 Corinthians 5 6 7 Acts 5 5 41

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Consequences may protect a sinner from further temptation Matthew 6 13 1 Thessalonians 4 3 8 5 22 Thus it is important to consider the purposes and benefits of consequences when balancing mercy and consequences When should I forgive Jesus disciples struggled with forgiveness Jesus provided a surprising answer Then Peter came up and said to him Lord how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him As many as seven times Jesus said to him I do not say to you seven times but seventy seven times Matthew 18 21 22 We know how many times But when But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us Romans 5 8 First remember when God forgives us 1 John 1 9 Matthew 26 26 28 Acts 22 16 1 Peter 2 24 Genesis 3 15 Ephesians 1 4 If God forgives me at these times that means that He forgave me before I was born which is before I knew I was a sinner before I knew what Jesus did for me and before I could repent If Jesus died for the sins of the whole world John 3 16 and if His forgiveness was accomplished before we were born then why is not everyone going to heaven John 3 18 Based on these questions we can understand the relationship between repentance and forgiveness The granting of forgiveness is not dependent upon repentance God s forgiveness for us was not conditional on our repentance He forgave us even while we were dead in our sins Luke 23 34 Romans 5 6 10 Ephesians 2 1 5 But the receiving of forgiveness is dependent upon repentance and faith We receive the benefit of God s forgiveness as we repent and believe in Jesus John 3 16 18 Acts 3 19 20 Mark 1 15 So when should I forgive someone who has sinned against me We are called to forgive others as God through Christ forgave us That means we have the opportunity to grant forgiveness before the other person repents even before we talk to him or her However the person who has sinned against us will not benefit from that forgiveness unless he repents and believes that the gift is his 42

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How does forgiveness relate to reconciliation Granting forgiveness is possible without repentance and confession But repentance is needed for complete reconciliation restoration of the relationship to occur With this in mind the purpose of restoring gently confronting another about his sin becomes even clearer We don t confront the other person so that she will repent in order to earn or deserve our forgiveness You can never earn or deserve forgiveness it is a free gift Ephesians 2 8 9 We confront another about her sin so that God might bring her to repentance and she may believe that she is forgiven We prepare him to receive the gift that is already his in Christ Jesus 2 Timothy 2 24 26 Mark 1 15 John 3 16 18 Romans 5 6 11 My brothers if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins James 5 19 20 What does forgiving others in this way require Jesus disciples recognized that it takes great faith to forgive someone who sins against you repeatedly even if they repent Pay attention to yourselves If your brother sins rebuke him and if he repents forgive him and if he sins against you seven times in the day and turns to you seven times saying I repent you must forgive him The apostles said to the Lord Increase our faith Luke 17 3 5 emphasis added God does just that for us He forgives us every day How can I resolve the material issues that divide us In reconciliation we seek to restore the relationship by addressing the relational or personal issues of the conflict Relational issues are reconciled through confession and forgiveness In conflict resolution we address the material or substantive issues of the conflict We identify the problems to be solved and negotiate to resolve them Most of this study has focused on reconciliation Resolving the material issues is also necessary when addressing conflict 43

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Scripture teaches what to do when we need to resolve material issues Commit your plans to the LORD Proverbs 16 1 3 Be reasonable Don t be anxious but pray Philippians 4 5 6 Love your neighbor as yourself Matthew 22 39 Look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others Philippians 2 3 5 Do everything without grumbling or complaining Philippians 2 14 Be wise seek godly counsel Proverbs 12 15 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others Philippians 2 3 4 Case Study Amber Nicole and Kaitlyn shared everything They played together on the college volleyball team Between classes and practice they always could be found together The girls loved skiing in the winter and running in the warmer months After college each found employment in the same city where they attended church together Nicole married first then Amber Kaitlyn remained single But their friendship continued to flourish That is until one day Amber and Kaitlyn exchanged some texts where Kaitlyn complained about Nicole Kaitlyn thought that Nicole was acting arrogant because she married first and Kaitlyn felt like Nicole was putting her down for not having a boyfriend Amber defended Nicole and wrote some curt responses to Kaitlyn who wrote back with hurtful words Amber forwarded the whole exchange to Nicole Nicole and Amber exchanged a flurry of texts in which they grumbled about all of Kaitlyn s idiosyncrasies and how she must be jealous of them It didn t take long before Kaitlyn learned about the other two ganging up on her She responded with angry texts to both of these friends Before long they were posting negative things about each other on Facebook and unfriending each other Once inseparable Amber and Nicole now avoided Kaitlyn It wasn t difficult to steer clear of one another except at church So they separately concluded that the best way to not see one another was to stop going to worship 44

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Application Questions These questions can apply to the above case study or to a current conflict from your personal life For the case study assume any of the three women s roles For a conflict from your life apply these questions to yourself writing out your answers 1 What has caused the hurt in your relationship For you personally For someone else you care about For the person who hurt you and others you care about 2 How has your relationship with the other person changed 3 What grieves you the most about what has happened 4 What is keeping you from forgiving the other person 5 How has your strained or broken relationship affected Your attitude toward the other person Your attitude toward yourself Your attitude toward others Your relationship with God 6 What are some of the consequences of your unforgiveness 7 You know that our heavenly Father commands that we forgive others as He forgives us List at least ten sins from your life that God has forgiven through Christ Does God offer forgiveness to you for your bitterness and unforgiveness Reviewing this lesson what Scripture passages give you comfort and assurance of God s forgiveness for all your sins 8 Has Christ died for the sins of the person who hurt you or others you care about Reviewing this lesson identify Scripture passages that support your answer 9 For which sins of people did Christ not die 10 Reflecting back on this lesson what Scripture passages promise God s strength to forgive as He has forgiven you 11 Write a prayer to God You might include Confessing your sins of unforgiveness bitterness grudges hatred or anger that you may have in your heart Thanking Him for the forgiveness of all your sins Seeking His help to forgive as He has forgiven you Asking God to bless the person who has wronged you Praying that God reconciles your relationship with the other person 45

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6 Restore with Gentleness How does restoring others lead to reconciliation Brothers if anyone is caught in any transgression you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness Keep watch on yourself lest you too be tempted Galatians 6 1 From Luther s Small Catechism The Sacrament of the Altar As the head of the family should teach it in a simple way to his household What is the Sacrament of the Altar It is the true body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ under the bread and wine instituted by Christ Himself for us Christians to eat and to drink Where is this written The holy Evangelists Matthew Mark Luke and St Paul write Our Lord Jesus Christ on the night when He was betrayed took bread and when He had given thanks He broke it and gave it to the disciples and said Take eat this is My body which is given for you This do in remembrance of Me In the same way also He took the cup after supper and when He had given thanks He gave it to them saying Drink of it all of you this cup is the new testament in My blood which is shed for you for the forgiveness of sins This do as often as you drink it in remembrance of Me What is the benefit of this eating and drinking These words Given and shed for you for the forgiveness of sins show us that in the Sacrament forgiveness of sins life and salvation are given us through these words For where there is forgiveness of sins there is also life and salvation How can bodily eating and drinking do such great things Certainly not just eating and drinking do these things but the words written here Given and shed for you for the forgiveness of sins These words along with the bodily eating and drinking are the main thing in the Sacrament Whoever believes these words has exactly what they say forgiveness of sins Who receives this sacrament worthily Fasting and bodily preparation are certainly fine outward training But that person is truly worthy and well prepared who has faith in these words Given and shed for you for the forgiveness of sins 47

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But anyone who does not believe these words or doubts them is unworthy and unprepared for the words for you require all hearts to believe How does a person s sin harm relationships Our behavior affects others around us directly and indirectly When someone is ensnared by his sins he hurts his relationship with others and gives a negative witness to anyone watching By this all people will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another How does a person s sin harm his relationship with God Isaiah 59 2 Romans 8 7 8 James 1 14 15 How does unresolved conflict among Christians harm the church in which they belong 1 Corinthians 1 10 11 3 1 4 10 16 17 Galatians 5 13 15 Philippians 4 2 3 How do unreconciled relationships affect our witness to others John 13 34 35 1 Corinthians 6 4 8 1 Peter 2 12 Reflecting on the Bible passages from the three questions above what difference does it make when people within the same church remain unreconciled and yet commune at the same table John 13 35 In one of the collects following communion we pray We give thanks to You almighty God that You have refreshed us through this salutary gift and we implore You that of Your mercy You would strengthen us through the same in faith toward You and in fervent love toward one another through Jesus Christ Your Son our Lord who lives and reigns with You and the Holy Spirit one God now and forever Amen 4 How does the Lord s Supper strengthen believers to move in fervent love toward one another including those within the same church who remain in conflict Matthew 26 26 28 1 Corinthians 11 26 and 1 Peter 2 24 Philippians 4 13 2 Corinthians 5 14 15 We are usually unaware of the number of people that are impacted by our strained relationships As noted above the body of Christ and our corporate witness can be affected Thus the Bible teaches that when two of the saints are entangled in conflict others in the church need to help 4 Divine Service Setting One Lutheran Service Book St Louis Concordia Publishing House 2006 166 48

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What does it mean to restore Helping one who is caught in sin often includes someone with whom we find ourselves in conflict Using the words from Galatians 6 1 2 who is the one that needs to be restored Who is the one that is called to restore Other passages also teach us to help others who need restoration In the following texts who is the one that needs to be restored Who is called to restore Matthew 18 15 Philippians 4 2 3 James 5 19 20 Brothers if anyone is caught in any transgression you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness Keep watch on yourself lest you too be tempted Bear one another s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ Galatians 6 1 2 The word translated caught in Galatians 6 1 can have different meanings in English The original Greek word that is translated caught does not have the sense of Aha I caught you in the act Rather caught means one who is entangled with sin The Greek word in this text was also used when referring to a fish that was caught in a net or to an animal that is ensnared in a trap The word translated restore was used by Greeks in other settings as well One application was for mending a fishing net Such delicate work requires care to avoid ruining the net Another use of the word was a medical term as in restoring a broken bone Note that gentleness is required for restoration in each meaning What kind of restoration is most needed by the one who is ensnared in sin Psalm 32 1 5 2 Peter 1 9 1 John 1 8 9 What does it mean to restore with gentleness How might we be tempted when addressing another person s sins Ephesians 4 26 27 Romans 2 1 Ephesians 6 4 Keep watch on yourself lest you too be tempted Galatians 6 1b As God s chosen people He expects us to deal with one another in very specific ways including when we are in conflict Reflect on Colossians 3 12 17 as you answer these questions Why does Paul call us holy and beloved What should we put on If we have a complaint against another what are we called to do What is to be above all in our overall attitude and action toward one another What should rule our hearts In contrast what else might rule our hearts at times On what basis ought we teach and admonish one another 49

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What are the Christian s responsibilities in bringing correction It can be frustrating to deal with those who need correction We may be tempted to argue or even bully the other person into our way of thinking Or we may want to avoid any kind of confrontation denying any responsibility for helping another In 2 Timothy 2 24 26 responsibilities are defined for two different roles when correcting others And the Lord s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone able to teach patiently enduring evil correcting his opponents with gentleness God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil after being captured by him to do his will 2 Timothy 2 24 26 What are the responsibilities of the Lord s servant What is God s responsibility and therefore not the responsibility of the Lord s servant What role should retaliation play in restoration Romans 12 19 In Lesson 5 we discussed that forgiveness does not necessarily remove earthly consequences which may include forms of discipline or making restitution What is the difference between discipline and retaliation Hebrews 12 5 6 Discuss when you are most tempted to force someone else to repent What kinds of things do you do What can you do to help control your passions and avoid taking on God s responsibilities What is the ultimate purpose of showing someone her sin James 5 19 20 Acts 2 37 39 1 John 1 8 9 2 Corinthians 2 5 8 What if the other person refuses to repent Great question Our Lord anticipated this and gives specific instructions for just such a case First we need to remember what is needed for the person caught in sin As discussed above that person needs forgiveness for healing Thus the ultimate goal for confronting another about his sin is to restore that person with Christ s forgiveness 50 What are the dangers for one who is stubbornly unrepentant Jeremiah 2 35 Matthew 11 20 Luke 13 1 5

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Applying Matthew 18 In his commentary on Matthew 18 Jeffrey Gibbs notes Jesus is teaching about an extreme form of caring of compassion of concern for a fellow disciple in a situation of terrible need 5 Looking at the entire chapter of Matthew 18 Christ stresses the importance of restoring those whose sins are causing them to wander away from God In Matthew 18 o Verses 1 6 whom does Jesus identify as the greatest in the kingdom of heaven o Verses 10 14 whom does Jesus identify as the one in need of care o Verses 15 17 whom does Jesus identify as one in need of special concern o Verses 21 22 how much compassion and forgiveness is required for one who sins again and again o Verses 35 what is the warning for those who refuse to forgive What does Jesus teach for addressing stubborn unrepentance Reviewing Matthew 18 o Verse 15 Go in private o Verse 16 Take one or two others along with you o Verse 17 Tell it to the church o Verse 18 Treat him as a Gentile and a tax collector Matthew 18 15 20 is sometimes misapplied What is false about the following assertions o This is a quick three step process after which the person should be kicked out of the church o Going one on one means a single attempt to let the other person know what he has done wrong such as sending an email or letter making a phone call or even an in your face confrontation o Others to bring along as witnesses mean those who agree with you and or who have authority over the other person and can pressure him to do what you want o Tell it to the church means broadcasting your accusations including utilizing verbal gossip and social media o Those who are treated as unbelievers should be shunned Whatever happens we are called to be faithful to God and His Word o According to Romans 12 18 what is our ultimate responsibility o What is NOT our responsibility If possible so far as it depends on you live peaceably with all Romans 12 18 5 Gibbs Jeffrey A Concordia Commentary Matthew 11 2 20 34 St Louis Concordia Publishing House 2010 916 51

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What if the other person is not a Christian The Bible s instruction for dealing with someone in conflict applies to both Christians and non believers You first go in private to confess your sins forgive as you have been forgiven and restore with gentleness If necessary you then bring one or two others along all with the idea of restoring gently However the direction to tell it to the church does not apply since a non believer is not accountable to the church Jesus said Remember the word that I said to you A servant is not greater than his master If they persecuted me they will also persecute you Consider how the following passages apply to dealing with non Christians 1 Peter 2 12 Galatians 6 10 Romans 12 14 21 Will people take advantage of a Christian who approaches conflict this way John 15 20 Romans 12 14 Proverbs 3 5 8 John 15 20 How does restoring others relate to reconciliation As noted in Lessons 1 and 5 reconciliation requires confession and forgiveness Between two people that usually means mutual confession and forgiveness We can begin the process of reconciliation by confessing our own sins seeking forgiveness The other person may forgive us as God has forgiven him We seek to restore with gentleness by helping another see how he has sinned When the other person repents we can proclaim God s forgiveness assuring him of his reconciliation to God We can also forgive the other person as God has forgiven us Reconciliation occurs when confession and forgiveness are shared and the relationship is healed BE RECONCILED TO OTHERS What does it mean to be reconciled to others Jesus said So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you leave your gift there before the altar and go First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift Matthew 5 23 24 52

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How is reconciliation related to the Lord s Supper 6 The early Christian Church recognized the importance of seeking reconciliation before worship They took seriously Jesus admonition in Matthew 5 23 24 Therefore if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you leave your gift there in front of the altar First go and be reconciled to your brother then come and offer your gift Addressing their numerous divisions St Paul admonished the Corinthians to reconcile He noted that their disunity was especially offensive as they celebrated the Lord s Supper together 1 Corinthians 10 14 22 11 17 34 To celebrate the unity we have together in Christ while divisions and factions remain among us is a contradiction of our faith Thus the believers practiced the kiss of peace during their worship Greeting each other with a holy kiss see 1 Cor 16 20 they shared The peace of the Lord be with you If anyone had difficulty sharing the peace due to unresolved issues they were urged to reconcile before taking communion In earliest Christian liturgies this practice occurred at the end of the Service of the Word or at the beginning of the Eucharistic section The purpose To encourage any who had unresolved conflict to be reconciled prior to celebrating the Lord s Supper at the same table A form of the passing of the peace exists in some of our Lutheran worship services today In Lutheran Service Book this direction is indicated in Divine Service Setting 1 after the Prayer of the Church and before the offering Following the prayers the people may greet one another in the name of the Lord saying Peace be with you as a sign of reconciliation and of the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace Matt 5 22 24 Eph 4 1 3 7 Encouraging worshipers to casually greet one another and meet visitors can be a useful practice especially in a society where we tend to self isolate or only talk to those we know But common niceties cannot replace the necessity to make every effort to maintain the bond of peace Eph 4 3 among God s children 6 The following section is excerpted from Moving from the Holy Howdy to the Kiss of Peace by Ted Kober and Eric Sahlberg See the entire article at www hisaor org Click on Articles 7 Divine Service Setting One Lutheran Service Book St Louis Concordia Publishing House 2006 159 53

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Case Study As an alternative to reading the following Case Study utilize Scene 2 from the skit You Wrecked My Car Or watch the video Father Son 2 from the DVD Responding to Sexual Temptation in a High Tech Society You can order both the skit and DVD from www hisaor org in the bookstore Note that this is a continuation of the case from Lesson 4 17 year old Matt and his dad just finished fighting about Matt s use of his dad s car without permission Matt walked out on his father at the end of the argument and went to his room to sulk Matt s father felt guilty about the fight While he knew he needed to address his son s sins taking the car without permission lying about it treating his father with disrespect he realized that the manner in which he confronted his son was ungodly He let his anger get out of control Ephesians 4 26 27 he called his son various names Ephesians 4 29 and he provoked his son to anger and failed to discipline him in a loving way Ephesians 6 4 He failed to show him the love and forgiveness of Christ even while disciplining him see Hebrews 12 7 11 1 Peter 4 8 Ephesians 4 32 Matt s father took the form Proclaiming God s Forgiveness included with this Bible study and approached his son s bedroom Knocking quietly on the door he asked to come in Matt responded Whatever The father began by expressing sorrow over losing his temper and attacking his son He asked for Matt s forgiveness Matt quickly responded with Sure Dad This led Matt to admit taking the car saying that he didn t realize he had damaged it Matt explained that his friend called depressed over a breakup with his girlfriend Matt dropped everything and immediately drove over to pick up his friend and drive around so that they could talk in private Matt s dad then introduced him to the form and asked if they could try to confess their sins to God and one another using the pamphlet Matt agreed Matt s father confessed first specifically naming his own sins asking God and Matt for forgiveness Using the words of the form Matt proclaimed God s forgiveness to his father and then offered his personal forgiveness Matt then confessed his sin to God and his father identifying some of his particular sins Matt s father proclaimed God s forgiveness to him and offered personal forgiveness Matt ended up paying for the damage to the car Most importantly father and son reconciled through mutual confession and forgiveness 54

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Application Questions These questions can apply to the above case study or to a current conflict from your personal life For the case study assume the father s role For a conflict from your life apply these questions to yourself writing out your answers 1 How have you prepared to restore the other person with forgiveness If you need help with this review the application questions from Lesson 5 2 Before seeking to restore the other person what kinds of logs do you need to get out of your own eye first Matthew 7 1 5 If you need help with this see the application questions at the end of Lesson 4 3 Review 2 Timothy 2 24 26 What are your responsibilities in helping the person with whom you are in conflict What are God s responsibilities and not yours 4 How have you failed to restore the other person in gentleness 5 Review Galatians 6 1 Identify the sins that you believe have ensnared the other person 6 If these were your sins describe what another person could do that would help free you from your entanglement 7 Identify a time and place that will provide safety for both you and the other person to meet together 8 Prepare your words by writing out your first comments Begin by assuring the other person of your care and Christian love Acknowledge behaviors and motives of the other person that are godly Confess your own sins that you have not yet addressed Next if you were personally affected refer to the behavior that caused you personal hurt or harm Using an I statement indicate how you were personally hurt or affected o I feel _____________ when you ____________ because ___________ As a result I _______________ 9 Prepare yourself to listen The other person will not likely hear anything you have to say until he or she feels that you have listened to him or her Remember basic skills in active listening Waiting Be patient Wait until the other person finishes speaking before responding Don t plan your response until the other person is finished speaking Attending Maintain eye contact and other body language that communicates your genuine interest Nod occasionally or respond with short phrases that indicate you are paying attention e g I see uh huh I understand etc Clarifying Ask questions to test your understanding e g When you said _______ did you mean ______ Reflecting Repeat short portions back to the person This communicates that you are listening closely and allows for the other person to restate things if needed It also 55

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helps the other person hear back what she has said which may help her rethink her responses to the situation Agreeing Look for opportunities to agree When you agree with some portions the other person believes that you are open minded and really listening He will much more likely hear what you have to say if he believes you are balanced in your assessment 10 Prepare open ended questions to help the other person discover for himself the offensive behaviors and own them For example When you describe the behavior what were you hoping would be the result If you had the opportunity what would you have done differently If someone else had done the same thing to you how would you have felt Now that you have had time to reflect what words or actions do you regret What could you have done that would be more reflective of your faith in Christ 11 Anticipate the person s reaction to your questions and plan your response How will you respond if she immediately repents How will you respond if he becomes angry How will you respond if she tries to justify what she did How will you respond if he tries to explain things away 12 What will be your next steps if he is not yet repentant 13 How will you proclaim God s forgiveness and then your own Consider using the form Proclaiming God s Forgiveness in which you can both confess and receive forgiveness Write a prayer seeking God s guidance for both of you 56