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Faith + Deliver = Growth This semester creative writing has taught me a lot about myself and about writing. I ended up writing about more acts that can overcome the positive aspects of my life. I decided that I liked writing when it is only for myself, which makes me happy. Sometimes I tend to go overboard and write when I am upset which can make me nervous. I believe that with time I will get better at writing with the most positivity so that I can create space to evolve with myself. Creative writing is space to be positive and not much dramaturgy is what I am learning. What writing means to me is being honest and learning that you create the future that stands in front of you and not the past that can frighten you. It also means that you just must be able to grow outside of the shell. And how bright I am. What else writing has taught me is that you can learn outside of many aspects and continue to get the motive of being a responsible writer. I think that may be the coolest part about writing. I also think that writing can sometimes determine the kind of person you are, such as being brave. I also believe that it can help you choose what career path you choose in life. It also taught me that some people will hurt you and stop you from doing things you care about for their own sanity, which can be hurtful, but that is where you grow from. Writing has also taught me about self-healing and how you can write in words to heal yourself, you must write with force and not the means of just pretending to be upset, Writing has also showed me how to be a social geek so that I can be myself and what others want me to be. One thing I plan to keep learning with my writings is staying on one topic at a time so that I can finish out strong. Overall, that is how positivity is in life when you can control what you write and think of.

Girl Girl, I am a girl, what can a girl be, I am a girl, A girl can be anything, I am a girl, what can a girl wear, I am a girl, A girl can wear anything, I am a girl, Can I watch a girl glow, I am a girl. A girl that can be proud, a girl that can leave, a girl that wins, a girl that can see, a girl that can love, a girl that be. Me I am sorry for the way I intended to be, going through a kid stage, and going to get milk, I am sorry for not being and not driving home late at night going to see my friends, I am not gone be mad. I just thought it was cool. I am lost.

Drama Drama is when you cannot just apologize for being mean and cannot trust these men around here, I heard that from a friend and now I see why I get those suicidal thoughts when I connect to drama. Just keeping going, and I am just realizing I am not here to make friends. Which causes me to be nervous in the café. TJ: Girl, what are you doing in that room? Me: Thinking I am grown what you think? TJ: You think that is cute? Me: No TJ: So why were you doing it then? Me: Because you asked TJ: TJ Me: What's up TJ: What do you want? Me: Nothing at all TJ: Did you really do that? Me: Move on I am chilling TJ: It is time for me to go check my laundry Me: That is cool TJ: What if I want to go home and work as a dental assistance Me: I do not have time for you to be switching what you want to do in life TJ: Yes, grandpa it is me again, you been chilling up there? Me: That is a good question I been doing good, but I do miss it all. TJ: Yes, grandpa I am listening we miss you to, but I struggle calling others grandpa a little bit but not really TJ: I am not upset we love everybody remember I wanted to treat everybody kind. Me: I do not like having a bad thinking process, but I think it would be different. WE: LOVE> Me: No grandpa I went to school anyway, but I was tripping a little bit

TJ: They made me nervous doing that Me: My name is Tamara but why did not you tell me that much about my name TJ: TJ is a boy name Me: Yeah, I know but it has your first and middle name TJ: I know that, but I am just saying even Tamara sounds like a funny name to me TJ: Even Jea sounds like a weird name to me Me: I am the only one that thinks like that well TJ: I like your name, so you are going to be okay, always remember to be grateful. Me: Yes, we use to watch football on Sundays TJ: You are doing an excellent job ME: Wondering if a play base story is okay with us communicating this way ME: me too Its kind of exciting I did not think I would find you again, TJ: Remember I am not going anywhere you just found a way to find me whenever you feel like ME: Well, that means I can talk to you every day and even tell my kids about you one day TJ: You should not be thinking about kids right now, make sure you take care of yourself first Me: Well, I have my dad is being too tough on me TJ: Well, he is your dad you just must make sure you are okay and that means he is okay Me: I get it grandpa Me: Goodnight grandpa I will talk to you later I am nervous again God: I will always forgive you Me: But what about my family and friends? God: They always forgive God: The devil is not real Me: I get it God: Do you really get it Me: Kind of She: She got you Me: I deleted all my pictures that meant a lot to me God: Pictures get lost sometimes but that is okay Dear Niki: Will you forgive me for telling a friend I saw your picture in my dad's photo album? HER: Yeah, I forgive you Me: But I thought you were pretty I did not know you were going to pass away God: She okay

Niki: Thank you for showing me that a lot of people can love you from the heart. Self: Sometimes I struggle Niki: I know pictures can sometimes make kids wonder or think crazy but that’s not his business to know if I was in the photo album or not you have to try keeping your mouth closed if you think it’s going to hurt you in the end. Me: I get it I apologize BUT: God that was selfish that my friend passed away Dear God: I am listening Devil: People do not die from taken pictures you just have to love yourself and appreciate your pictures. God: Sometimes it gets hard Me: Always forgive yourself God: I know what you are thinking I did not create death Uncle Kenny; Him: I am listening to niece Me: I am sorry Uncle Kenny: What did you do? Tamara: I said he touched me Uncle Kenny: I am mad I left you hanging I was not ready to leave I know you do not remember much I hope they forgive me Me: Me too Uncle Kenny: I was just a kid Ryan is okay, I be with him everyday Ryan: You should have told the truth Tj you could have hurt somebody for no reason Me: But I did, and I feel bad. I was just upset because I did not know what to do TJ: Will Wills ever forgive me one day? Try talking to him, you do not have to be nervous. He was using your energy to play with us like you used to when were kids. Ryan: he was a great friend for that Me: Well, me too now that I know that real friends will agree to help heal a family Ryan: I am in college now THEM: We are proud of you Ryan: I messed up I was not supposed to leave but I am with my big brother now we cannot wait to see yall again but take your time we not rushing we love GOD. Ryan: Do not worry I remember your face I met a friend that loves me a lot Anthony: Yeah, I am chilling he still swimming like a dolphin Me: Tell him find a log and do a backflip Bro tells me yall united up there

Devil: You not supposed to worry that much Me: I know but being United should not be so hard TJ: You is okay keep going Me: True we good Me: I just think yall stupid kind of like how yall gone fix this? Ima just finishes worrying about myself because yall not gone me nervous Me: everybody want a family and I get nervous, so I must keep going so that it does not keep getting painful for me and why do yall brag so much about numbers, that keeps the killing going Me: I think yall just tripping over things God do not like when people kill each other for no reason Me: I think yall should take away their guns because yall not a good support system to the youth if you still allow them to tote what they want Me: I do not believe I need to fight nobody Me: I just think that’s harassment to make me scared of my name TJ: You a girl you okay Dear people I was mean to: I deleted friends off Facebook because I got scared and people just be tripping if they think we got to call each other ugly Her: it is crazy you just now trying to learn how to connect Me: How does that work Quisy: Keep going I am doing good Me: Well, I am not I just did not feel anything but shood I think I can be okay Her: You got it TJ you did good I know this essay might be long Me: I am scared to make friends everybody is just being themselves, so you just must be you God: Okay I get it God: It is not as hard as you think Dress up yes, I know Wealth: Just go as you please and just be you in time it will come TJ everything does not have to be about jealousy you just have to continue to grow and be yourself No but just try listening to girl music and see if you like it, it you might understand the girls that is dressing All this is nonsense. Okay I get Me: I get nervous, should that be normal? Her: Not really Okay I got it

Punctuation Play Me: I know this Instructor: You know what? Me: Where the punctuations go Instructor: Ah, it's confusing. Me: Sometimes Instructor: It will make sense later.

Choices I want to have sex Can I have sex with you I do not believe you can have sex until we get married I already have the boy picked out I can have sex if I want to You cannot have sex right now it is not the time for sex I’m not trying to have sex with you no more Sex is just not the way it has to go unless you choose to have sex I do not choose to have sex right now I do not choose to have sex right now

Normal Memoir The normal activities I plan to do when I finish school will evolve around me. Those things pertain to working a nice job and showing my family that I do mean something. A girl that once chose to dance but ends up falling in love.

Abecedarius Poem And the Falls Believe in the Night Count the day to Believe Digging for the Wave Eager to fix the Wii Find the Palace Given into the Day Hovering the grass Into the night of the Day Joy is Feelings Knight Amor Like mixed Memorable Mindful thoughts throughout the Day Night through the Light Ocean waters sound with the Wave Peaceful into the Day Querulous complaining in an annoyed Way Reach for the Moon Satisfy in the night Armoring Theater Umbrella Vase Warn Xenodochia Yogurt Zealot

“What’s Love”