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Team Leaders in Group Reconciliation Assistance Introduction The complexity of church conflict requires special skills In the course Group Reconciliation Assistance Practicum Learning to Serve on a GRA Team produced by Ambassadors of Reconciliation Christians are trained to serve as members of a GRA team This guide is specifically designed to supplement that material in order to equip Team Leaders of a GRA Team This course does NOT repeat what is covered in Group Reconciliation Assistance Practicum but only provides additional information leading a GRA Proposing an intervention process Assembling and leading a team for church conflict intervention Teaching the Reconciliation Seminar Scheduling interviews Conducting group interviews Preparing and assigning homework between visits of an intervention Preparing and delivering reports Forms to use in a GRA Please approach this training with confidence in God s desire and ability to help you develop these life changing skills He is eager to give good gifts to His people and strengthen His church God is passionate about reconciliation But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us Romans 5 8 It is our honor and joy to serve you in this important ministry In this course Group Reconciliation Assistance may sometimes be referred to as GRA or an intervention or church conflict intervention While many GRA processes are provided for church conflict the same process is appropriate for other Christian organizations including schools colleges universities para church ministries and any other organizations including businesses that desire a biblically based process to assist in conflict resolution and reconciliation

Chapter 1 Proposing Group Reconciliation Assistance GRA Proposing a GRA is similar to proposing mediation The key leaders of a church need to understand what you can do to help them and what you are limited to do The teaching aspect of an intervention begins with your initial contact As you respond to the initiating phone call or visit you begin to introduce the basics of biblical peacemaking Throughout the first few contacts you help the organization s leaders learn about the various options available to them and you help them assess whether the GRA is what they really need You outline the process and services you provide and you clearly communicate your expectations of them If a full GRA process is appropriate and if you determine that you are willing and able to provide those services you clearly state the fees and expenses involved and the personal commitments required Require the personal commitment of leaders and secure a significant financial commitment before agreeing to provide the services Initial Contact The initial contact may come from a staff person congregational officer board member or a member Early in the conversation determine whether or not the initiating party has authority to officially ask for your assistance If not listen to their concerns coach them individually and direct them to a leader who has authority Listen carefully asking probing questions to make an initial assessment of need and ability of other sources to meet that need Ask them why they contacted you and what kinds of help they are seeking Ask about trends over recent months and years to determine the impact of the conflicts and whether or not it may require intervention For example in a church ask about Church attendance Offerings and other financial revenues and expenses 1

Attendance of adults in Bible study or Sunday School Suggest some options for addressing their conflict Resources for the church or organization to learn how to work on its own conflicts Consulting services for leaders or boards Teaching services for boards or for the organization If the discussion suggests that a GRA may be appropriate describe some of the reconciliation services you offer Arrange a time to meet with leaders of the organization by phone video conference or in person Pray with the initiating party asking for God s guidance and help Email information on the services you offer Prepare a Formal Written Agreement Avoid the serious mistake that other reconcilers or consultants have made when working with conflicted churches organizations Prepare a written agreement that specifies what each party is expected to do including time and financial commitments Require signatures from authorized leaders Often a conflicted organization has failed to follow its own procedures bylaws or policies or apply good business practices and this has contributed to its conflicts Reconcilers who work without formal written agreements often get into conflict with the conflicted organization they serve Written agreements formalize agreements establish realistic expectations and provide documentation A well written proposal is another way that the reconciler teaches by example Prepare the agreement with the following components see the Sample Agreement for GRA in the Appendix Describe the basic philosophy and approach that you use in working with conflicted churches Incorporate the Rules of Procedure for Christian Conciliation in the agreement THIS IS IMPORTANT to protect both you and the client It lays out basic biblical expectations and protects both parties from legal liabilities Clearly identify your Team s role as a reconciler and the organization s roles to establish proper expectations o Indicate that you will not serve as an adjudicator which means that your team will not make decisions on behalf of individuals or the church o Clearly state that you will not exercise church discipline that is the responsibility of the church unless of course that is your official role 2

Describe the team approach and what kind of people will be serving on the team Explain the schedule and what will happen during each part of the process Indicate that teaching is an essential part of the process Establish your expectations for attendance Describe how interviews will be conducted and how the information gathered will be used Indicate that leaders and other key individuals are expected to complete homework assignments Although mediation may be offered be sure to indicate that the individuals invited must agree to this process You cannot guarantee that parties will participate Describe what kind of reports you will give oral and or written and to whom you will report THIS IS CRITICAL FAILURE TO AGREE IN ADVANCE ON THIS MAY RESULT IN MAJOR CONFLICT BETWEEN YOU AND THE CLIENT Describe how you will help the organization identify potential reconcilers for its own reconciliation team for the future Describe follow up by the Team leader Identify all costs and fees including any required deposit o NOTE After years of experience we recommend that an advance deposit for the entire fee and estimated expenses be required prior to doing any work on the case Explain how fees are earned during the process according to the Rules of Procedure This will help avoid unnecessary conflict should the process not be completed due to special circumstances Include a conciliation clause THIS IS ALSO IMPORTANT Require documentation to assure that the proper authority has been given for this agreement Also require that others participating have given their agreement to participate such as through a congregational meeting or staff agreements o Organizations in conflict often fail to follow their own procedure DO NOT RELY UPON VERBAL CONFIRMATION You need to verify for yourself that proper authority has been given according to the official bylaws policies and minutes of meetings Make certain all parties understand and agree who is engaging you what process is being used what the costs will be and to whom you report 3

Commitments The way that most churches pay for a GRA is asking their members for special gifts This encourages members to participate in the process because they have personally invested their own dollars in their healing Ask for a substantial financial deposit in advance If church is interested in your help they will find a way to raise the funds Suggest ideas on how they may raise the funds needed The vast majority of churches will be unable to fund such a process from their general funds Churches often ask the members for special gifts for this reconciliation work Encourage them to seek grants or endowment funds that may be available Recommend using special savings or other funds that may be set aside for education If the church is unable to make this financial commitment it may be an indication that they are not committed to the difficult work that reconciliation requires Require commitment from key leaders and or key parties to attend the reconciliation seminar If leaders won t commit themselves to attending the seminar your work will likely not be fruitful Proposal Meeting A Group Reconciliation Assistance process is a major commitment for both the organization in conflict and the Reconciliation Ministry Make time to meet with the organization s leadership to learn a little more about their conflicts and to present a formal proposal for intervention or other processes that may be appropriate AoR s experience shows that more churches agree to a GRA process after meeting a reconciler in person than if no in person visit is made Ideally you will want to meet the leaders in person At Ambassadors of Reconciliation we offer to make an in person visit usually day for the cost of expenses only without any fees for our time Both client and consultant benefit from meeting together to discuss options However you may need to arrange a meeting by phone or video conference with key leaders Whatever method is utilized use the following ideas in preparing for the proposal meeting 4 Strive not to be over influenced by your original contacts o Continually work to remain impartial o Regularly invest in passport with all parties involved o Understand your limitations and refer elsewhere when appropriate Review all information you receive on the specific conflicts from your initial contact Know your client Learn as much as you can regarding o The theology and basic doctrines of the local church and its denomination o Worship forms and styles hymns liturgy praise songs etc o Structure of governance in the church ask for a copy of the church s constitution and bylaws prior to the proposal o Structure of governance in denomination Prepare a written agreement for a GRA process

On Site Proposal Prior to meeting with the decision making group meet with key individuals or small groups Begin initial data gathering in order to learn more about the church s needs so that you can be better prepared to present your proposal Talk to individuals or small groups as time allows to gain their general perspective on the main issues Learn about the major ministries of the church Ask about strengths and weaknesses Inquire about major conflicts Look for evidences of ungodly responses to disagreements Ask about trends over recent months and years You may have done this with the initial contact but it is useful to ask for this information again from others you meet with o Church attendance o Offerings o Attendance of adults in Bible study or Sunday School After these initial meetings arrange to meet with the decision making leadership Describe your initial observations and make recommendations which may include your proposal for a GRA process During this meeting Open with prayer or ask them to pray Avoid an open forum where anyone can say anything This can lead to an uncontrolled expression of sinful discussion Provide a brief overview of what you have learned o Be careful to not disclose confidences o Avoid making judgments early conclusions or judgments will undermine your ability to appear impartial o Invite a few additional comments if appropriate Teach the differences between conflict resolution and reconciliation Handout the pamphlet Proclaiming God s Forgiveness and briefly describe the six parts for reconciling with God and others Identify potential outcomes if the church leaders do nothing For example o o o o More people will stop coming to worship or will leave the church Finances will likely continue to decline Reputation of church in community will continue to suffer More relationships will be broken 5 If the leadership is unable to agree to a GRA your short teaching session and the pamphlet provide practical help that may still benefit someone

Present options available to the church s leadership for addressing its conflicts Write them on a flip chart or white board that everyone can see Leave room on the right side for later writing in the costs o Purchase Bible study materials such as Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation and teach it without outside help o Sponsor a Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation seminar taught by our professional reconcilers o Utilize denominational resources for consultation and support o Sponsor the seminar and a weekend consultation 12 hours by one of our professional reconcilers o Engage a Reconciliation Team to provide Group Reconciliation Assistance o Arrange for an intentional interim reconciliation pastor o Do nothing and allow conflicts to take their normal course When identifying options for a group always include Do nothing This is a default option if the group cannot agree on a course of action Describe your process for Group Reconciliation Assistance including expectations for both the church and the Team Handout a one page summary of the process see a sample in the Appendix Submit the written proposal to the leaders Answer questions honestly and advise accordingly If you do not know the answer say so Avoid making promises you have no control over such as the results Overcoming Common Objections Denial Denial is a common response to a proposal for some people We don t really need any help or I don t think things are really that bad Utilize the form Assessing Our Situation see Sample in the Appendix It works best in groups of at least 25 people At the beginning of your presentation ask participants to complete the form quickly not giving their names Collect the forms and ask a couple of people to tabulate the totals for questions 1 through 4 and average the answers for questions 5 and 6 Then later when discussing the proposal and dealing with denial read each question and the answer from the tabulated forms For example in a group of 40 people you may get results similar to these 6 1 How many people in your church do you have something against and have not forgiven 123 2 How many people in your church do you believe have something against you and have not forgiven you 156 3 How many people in your church have differences with you that have built walls between you 164

4 How many people in your church have you said something about behind their backs 208 5 How many factions do you believe exist in this church Average of 3 6 6 On a scale of 0 to 10 describe the level of conflict in this church with 0 representing no problems and 10 representing a church split Average of 7 9 As you read the questions and then the total of the answers point out how many broken relationships were identified among the people present Remind them that this does not include many who are not there Even if a key leader or group leaves the congregation these broken relationships won t be automatically healed Remind them of the differences between conflict resolution and reconciliation Concern over Cost Some people will recognize the need but be concerned about the total cost Most churches in conflict experience financial struggles It is rare that a church will have room in its normal budget for such a significant investment In the list of options you wrote down go through each one and identify the estimated cost It may look something like this Options for Reconciliation 1 Bible study on own 2 1 Day Seminar Bible study 3 Denominational help 4 Seminar w 12 hrs Consultation 5 GRA 6 Interim Pastor 7 Do Nothing Lose 30 families x 1500 year 45 000 year x 3 years Total Costs 500 4 300 5 500 25 000 90 000 135 000 Under Do nothing say something similar to What about do nothing What will that really cost Let s assume that 30 families leave the congregation and never return Let s estimate that their average annual offerings are 1 500 per year that s just over 100 per month That totals 45 000 per year But if you are unable to regain 30 more families for 3 years the cost would be 135 000 7

But is that really the cost of doing nothing How many people have or will leave this church because of unresolved conflict and decide to never go to church again What if only one soul is lost to eternal damnation because this church refused to do what was needed for reconciliation What is the value of one soul Whatever option you choose they all will cost something Choose one that will likely give you the best possible return on your Lord s money Because you are a church or Christian ministry be sure to choose one that will also be biblically based What did it cost your heavenly Father to reconcile you to Him It cost our God the blood of His one and only Son to purchase and redeem you and me lost and condemned sinners Our God is a God of restored relationships He believes in reconciliation not just conflict resolution Expectation of Success What is your success rate is another question people raise Answer by focusing on who is responsible for results Reconciliation is God s work Our responsibility is to trust in Him and His Word Whether or not we see the fruit of reconciliation work God s promise is that His Word will not return to Him empty Isaiah 55 10 12 Share a story of how some felt the GRA was not successful in their eyes but lives within the church were changed Explain that you will be faithful to teaching God s Word and the Team will work to help the leaders and members apply that Word to their conflicts But how they choose to respond to God s Word belongs to them Explain 2 Timothy 2 24 26 Close in prayer If the group intends to make a decision at that time excuse yourself and leave the room so that they can discuss freely and make a decision Weekend Seminar with Consultation In the GRA Practicum manual one of the alternative processes described was a Weekend Seminar with Consultation Advantages and disadvantages of this alternative process were identified See the Appendix for sample agreements of both the GRA and the Weekend Seminar with Consultation 8

Chapter 2 Preparing the Organization and Leading a GRA Team Preparing the Organization Once a client makes a firm commitment to the GRA process including remitting a deposit the Team Leader makes the first assignments to prepare the group for its arrival The Team Leader assesses who the key leaders are in the organization including key staff and lay individuals board members committee members etc He sends the previsit material for study and answering questions Provide enough copies for all key leaders with a written assignment for them to complete The Bible study and personal guide Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation is a great source especially if that is the subject of the seminars The book is small and not intimidating for non book readers Specific readings followed by answering specific questions prepares leaders to reframe their conflicts biblically and consider their personal contributions to the conflicts As soon as the group has committed to the process the Team Leader requests information from the congregation for the Team to study prior to its initial visit Often this includes hundreds of pages of documents including areas of governance and employment minutes of meetings financial reports and other statistical information and documents relating to the current conflicts See the Appendix for a sample list of information requested from a congregation Leading a GRA Team Leading a Team begins with assembling a well qualified Team The Team Leader must anticipate what the needs of the church or organization will be and what team members will help serve them best A well chosen team can serve you well in meeting the challenging circumstances that occur in church conflict The Team Leader may be chosen by appointment or request of the client Ideally this position should be chosen prior to making the proposal The Team Leader can then be involved in the initial meetings with the church during the proposal process This provides the Team Leader with first hand information on the needs of the church 9 Don t forget to include the costs of the books in your GRA agreement

Once the Team Leader has been selected that person will work to identify and select team members that will work well together as they serve on a case Assessing the Organization s Needs The first step is to assess the needs of the church or other organization in conflict If the Team Leader was not involved in the initial meetings with the potential client he will need to meet with the person who proposed the intervention He may also need to contact church leaders for his own initial assessment In the initial assessment the Team Leader begins to identify key parties and issues of the organization to determine needed skills and experience of team members Key Parties What kind of individuals are significant parties in the conflict This will help you determine what kinds of team members you may need Pastors or other professional church workers Lay leaders People who are not officially elected lay leaders but who have great influence in church affairs May be a past leader May be a major donor of the church May be someone from a powerful family in the church Males females or both What kinds of backgrounds of key individuals are involved such as denominational background professional degrees and vocations race or cultural history most natural language etc Issues in Conflict Next identify the nature of issues involved This will help you recognize special gifts education or experience that you will seek for team members 10 Extreme use of sinful communication such as gossip digital communication email text blogs etc sinful outbursts in meetings or worship services etc Long term or difficult conflict situations that will require special skill and experience as a conciliator Sexual misconduct Embezzlement or other mismanagement of funds Legal issues including lawsuits or criminal behavior

Potential needs for professional counseling such as dealing with uncontrolled anger clinical depression verbal or physical abuse substance addictions addictions to pornography or gambling etc Potential needs for medical expertise such as dealing with a leader on medications addressing disability issues concerns about health issues that could be affecting relationships or ability to work etc Potential needs for understanding specific cultural impacts including language cultural expectations and behaviors etc Potential disputes over theology or issues requiring special expertise in spiritual training and background Concerns expressed over spiritual warfare issues Business issues such as contract disputes real estate and other property construction disputes financial management human resource management including disputes over wrongful terminations etc Selecting Team Members Select team members that can meet the various special needs identified above sometimes in more than one area Note that team members are not selected to provide any of the professional services suggested above such as medical evaluation legal advice tax advice psychological evaluation etc Nevertheless having such professionals on your team can be valuable when addressing special needs Balance the team to serve the diversity of the group o Have both genders represented on your team o Include both professional church workers pastor or teacher and lay people o Consider the cultural ethnic denominational and other backgrounds to make certain your team reflects the diversity of the church it is serving Each team member may serve to meet more than one purpose For example o A licensed woman counselor might meet these needs female counselor experience in dealing with anger experience in dealing with sexual misconduct o A pastor might meet these needs professional church worker special training in theological issues experience in dealing with spiritual warfare issues understanding of differing denominational backgrounds solid understanding of Scripture and how to apply to different situations excellent teacher and preacher 11

o A businessman such as a banker might meet these needs male lay person business education and experience understanding of financial management situations experience in human resource management understanding of issues relating to loans and assets fiduciary responsibilities experience working with issues that require legal advice Recruit and appoint your team members o Call identified potential team members and recruit them for service o Explain the reason for your call with proposed dates and general description of the case initially without disclosing the client to protect confidences o If the team member is interested and available on the proposed dates identify the client to determine if there are any conflicts of interest that would preclude the reconciler from serving on the case or at the minimum would need to be disclosed prior to appointment o Describe the roles and responsibilities for each team member o Notify all team members of the appointment of the team o Prepare a written agreement for each team member o Notify the organization of the appointed team members and provide biographical information Team Roles and Responsibilities Team members may be appointed one of serve three different roles with different responsibilities GRA Team Leader GRA Team Member GRA Team Instructor GRA Team Leader 12 Makes all assignments to Reconciliation Team members o Pre site visit reading and study o Oversees conflict coaching assignments discusses them with church leadership or other contact person o Assigns all public teaching responsibilities o Performs other assignments as needed Leads all on site visits Serves all roles as a Team Member Serves all roles as a Team Instructor

Conducts and or assigns key conflict coaching interviews Conducts all debriefing sessions with Reconciliation Team Requests and records Reconciliation Team members reflections concerning o Key issues and conflicts o Key leaders and members involved o Suggestions for possible mediations o Concerns and questions to have church or the Team answer o Potential reconcilers from among the client s membership Conducts or leads all oral reports Creates all written reports for client and Reconciliation Ministry GRA Team Member Participates in first on site visit of GRA Team If requested by Team Leader participates in follow up on site visits and or telephone appointments Conducts conflict coaching interviews and analyzes for reporting to Team Leader Participates in all GRA Team Meetings as requested by Team Leader Participates in evaluation and assessment debriefings as requested by Team Leader Effectively communicates observations to Team Leader including key issues conflicts and people potential mediations identification of potential reconcilers from the client s organization other observations and suggestions Conducts additional conflict coaching interviews and analyzes for reporting to Team Leader Co mediates or mediates if assigned by Team Leader Serves other duties as assigned by Team Leader GRA Team Instructor Serves all roles as a Team Member Instructs as assigned for the Bible study seminar s Written Agreements for Team Members Just as it is important to document your agreement with the church or organization it is also important to document your agreement with your team members Your agreement should include the following 13

Names of Team Member Administrator and Case Administrator Client name of church or organization dates and times of services Terms of the conciliation agreement such as o Must abide by the Rules of Procedure for Christian Conciliation this corresponds directly to your agreement with the client o Expectations of confidentiality o Incorporate the standard of conduct for Christian conciliators o Identify the roles and responsibilities for that Team Member and for all other Team members This may be done through an attachment which describes all the roles on the team o Describe the schedule o Describe compensation o Indicate whether or not this is a contract position or employed position Note that there are significant tax implications for each situation If you are unfamiliar with these differences seek tax accounting advice before completing the agreement o Note that if the reconciler is working on a volunteer basis this should be defined Just because a reconciler is volunteering his her time does NOT mean that you do not need an agreement o Describe how and what expenses will be reimbursed o Describe how travel and lodging will be arranged o Include a conciliation clause of course See the Sample Agreement for Conciliation Service as a Reconciliation Team Member for Group Reconciliation Assistance in the Appendix Preparing the Team As the Team Leader you will work to bring your team together to discuss early preparations and to pray together Arrange for your first meeting soon after the team is confirmed 14 Have each Team member introduce himself herself unless they all know one another already

Begin with a devotion asking team members to participate by reading a Scripture or offering prayer This begins to develop a practice for your spiritual encouragement of one another o When you work together on site establish a practice of starting or ending each day with a devotion meant for the Team not for the client Set up some basic ground rules and expectations for your work together o We work as a team and not as individual reconcilers Thus we need to communicate regularly and honestly with one another o Team members may disagree with or challenge one another but not in front of others If there is a need to disagree during a session ask for a private meeting among the Team members We need to feel free to disagree and challenge one another so that we can discuss all possible options in serving these people well o The details of our work must remain confidential We can ask others to pray for our work but do not identify the church or organization its location individuals or specifics of the case o We need to watch out for each other and provide care for one another when needed We are working with people who are hurting angry depressed and at times desperate They will unload their burdens with us sometimes taking out their emotions on us They will rarely reach out to care for us because they are too focused on their own needs Work is heavy and tiring watch for when a Team member is getting weary and encourage him her Sometimes the burden is heavy when you work with so many hurting people Sometimes a situation arises that relates to your own personal challenges and you need help If a Team member s appointment is going too long and another person is waiting to see him her meet with the waiting person as you have opportunity We need to be open about our own struggles or needs with one another as a Team Let another Team member know when you have a special need or concern Be willing to fill in for another Team member due to urgent situations We need to encourage one another to keep in contact with our loved ones at home We need to pray for one another o As Team Leader share what you know about the client and situation from intake information Discuss initial observations and nature of issues being careful to be open to change your views often during the process 15 Your team s work involves spiritual battle Ephesians 6 10 20 Be sure to provide spiritual encouragement for the Team including prayer and Scripture

o Remind the Team members that they will be receiving extensive information and need to begin reading through it Ask them to note any themes or patterns relating to their conflicts Provide a form for them to record their observations See GRA Team Observations form in Appendix o Review conflict coaching during church conflict interventions Discuss time limits must stay on track Use of forms for coaching Note when key people will need additional time Identify needs for mediation or further coaching Be aware that some people will seek coaching for issues outside of the church or organization e g marriage conflicts with children work related issues substance abuse in the family physical or verbal or sexual abuse criminal acts etc Watch for people who may be candidates for the organization s reconciliation team Pay attention to people who are in the Word regularly who appear impartial who describe difficult situations in careful ways who have already gone to be reconciled with others who admit their faults and forgive others Request that the Team members keep track of their observations on their GRA Team Observations forms through coaching so that they can share them in your Team debriefs o Often Team debriefs will occur during meals together If at a restaurant however you must use caution about what is said Avoid using any names or specifics that the table server or others nearby may recognize Remember that this restaurant is in the community where you are serving o Review the schedule for the first on site visit Assign teaching sections and provide teaching material including PowerPoint and video clips Explain how group meetings will be conducted Explain how coaching interviews will be assigned Describe your Team debrief sessions and when they will occur Close with questions and praying for one another and the church or organization you are serving Collect initial data from church and distribute to the Team members o Suggest that they organize the material either in 3 ring binders or on their tablet or laptop Ask them to bring their material with them during on site visits o Highlight areas that you think may be pertinent 16

o On the GRA Team Observations form summarize sections that need discussing with the Team Verify travel information o Know when and where Team members will arrive o Confirm lodging reservations and communicate with Team members It is not appropriate for Team members to stay at homes of the client s members It creates an appearance of bias and inhibits Team members from speaking freely and getting proper rest o Arrange for ground transportation o Be aware of options for meals Debriefing Sessions A key responsibility of the Team Leader is to debrief the Team so that the collective group can assess and analyze in preparation for reporting back to the church Use meal times to refresh prepare for the next session and debrief Ask Team members to record their thoughts on their GRA Team Observations forms as they are meeting with people Ask Team members to share orally their thoughts during your debrief meetings and then hand you their observation forms at the end of each session Provide them with new observation forms Be prepared to make adjustments to your schedule or assignments as new challenges arise Ask Team members how they are doing and how you can pray for one another Include yourself as Team Leader in letting your Team know how they can pray for you 17

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Chapter 3 Teaching the Reconciliation Seminar The teaching of biblical peacemaking is an essential component in working with conflicted churches and other organizations Often people will be moved from the teaching to take unilateral steps to reconcile with others The teaching prepares people for coaching and next steps It also provides a common language to discuss the conflicts Note that the coaching interviews cannot be effectively done in the short time frames without the teaching In situations where the people are unable or unwilling to reconcile the teaching may be the most lasting and effective work that you do Short coaching interviews cannot be effectively done without the teaching Thus the Team needs to make every effort for effective teaching of biblical peacemaking NOTE Ambassadors of Reconciliation offers a two and a half day practicum entitled Teaching a Reconciliation Seminar While helpful for teaching any material participants who have taken this course and completed practicum training in coaching and mediation may apply for a license to teach AoR s seminar Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation The material that follows is drawn from that course as a brief introduction to this topic Learning Styles Most presenters primarily use a lecture format auditory Yet 85 of learners are visual and kinesthetic The challenge for teachers is to design presentations to target the 85 Students learn best when material is presented to accommodate their learning style Consider these research observations regarding learning styles Respectful relationships in a safe environment contribute to long term retention Building and maintaining passport trust is crucial in teaching If there is fear intimidation or sarcasm the learners will likely not retain the desired learning 19 Kinesthetic learners learn best by moving their bodies activating large or small muscles as they learn

The brain ties new learning to past learning These connections are fostered when the facilitator connects the learning to life experiences Telling real life stories helps make this connection Remember how Jesus used parables from everyday life to teach new concepts Learners need processing time for learning connections to be made in the brain Well planned and timely breaks enhance learning Effective teachers are energetic and enthusiastic They create curiosity and use a variety of instructional techniques to engage attention Physical movement tied to the teaching enhances learning If the body doesn t move the brain doesn t learn Strong initial learning regular review and many examples increase the probability that learning will be recalled and applied successfully Note that the entire Bible is made up of stories about people who applied and failed to apply what God teaches his people Examples of failures as well as successes provide antithesis that illustrate key teaching points Research identifies the average retention of material after 24 hours based on various teaching techniques Note the value of actively engaging the learners and achieving the highest level of retention when the learners teach the material to others o o o o o o o 20 Lecture Reading Audio visual Demonstration Discussions Doing Teaching to others 5 10 20 30 50 75 90 The brain has an approximate attention span of 8 minutes with a maximum of 20 minutes Break learning time into chunks of 20 minute sessions Separate sections with different material videos or special exercises Towards the end of the 20 minute session highlight the most important information The brain remembers the first and last things it is exposed to

Appealing to Differing Learning Styles The CRAVE formula Remember the keys from the CRAVE formula To keep attention among learners utilize these keys Generate curiosity using novelty or anticipation Make information relevant Ask questions Use variety invoke physical action also Use emotion the stronger the emotion the stronger the attention Curiosity Relevance Asking Variety Emotion Power of visuals and color Francis Crick PhD Nobel Prize Winner states A subject shown about 2500 different color slides for about 10 seconds each could still recognize about 90 of them after ten days Use color pictures such as in PowerPoint presentations to increase the learning potential of your students Videos combine visual with movement and story and often evoke emotion This combination helps the learner remember and thus learn new material The importance of review Strong original learning is strengthened through regular review a teaching technique we often overlook Review increases the probability that the learning will be recalled and applied successfully Practice makes permanent Important skills need to be permanently installed in the brain Practicing in a variety of ways and contexts reinforces the permanence of the learning In adult learning you apply practice through exercises such as small group discussions and role plays 21

Exercise 1 Work with a partner to identify which of the above ideas were utilized in the teaching of the GRA course Identify an example for each idea that you remember was used 2 Share with your partner one of the most powerful learning moments for you Which of the above ideas were utilized to help you recall that learning moment Teaching tools Utilize a variety of resources From Ambassadors of Reconciliation www hisaor org you can access a wide array of resources available to assist you in your teaching roles Consider how you might utilize the following Proclaiming God s Forgiveness pamphlet o Point to the diagram for the Development of an Idol or Guidelines for Confession o Ask participants to use the Bible verses on the back page to proclaim God s forgiveness to a partner Devotion booklet Forgiven to Forgive o Use for one of your opening or closing devotions o Ask a participant to present one of the devotions Coaching Bookmarks and the corresponding reproducible Bible studies o Anger o Authority o Bitterness o Careless Talk o Confession o Fear Cravings and Misplaced Trust o Forgiveness o Identity o Love Others o Suffering 22

PowerPoint presentations with embedded videos for the Bible studies available from the Leader s Packs Exercises o Case studies and application questions from Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation o Interactive exercise involving stories about people s responses to conflict from the Bible from Blessed Are the Peacemakers Reconciliation skits are excellent resources for teaching and reinforcing biblical reconciliation Use them in various settings to teach and encourage peacemaking o Driving Me Crazy Troy s overprotective parents are starting to really bug him especially now that he is learning to drive with them Requires 4 actors Takes about 10 minutes o The Forgiving Father In Jesus parable of the Prodigal Son a forgiving father seeks to restore both of his sons Requires 5 actors including a narrator Takes about 5 minutes o I m the Greatest Even on the night of the Last Supper the disciples are arguing again about which one of them is the greatest Requires 7 actors including a narrator Takes about 4 minutes o The Latest Buzz We often strive to cover up our sin sinning even more This skit complements the skit Nathan and King David Uses three actors and a narrator Takes about 4 minutes o Nathan King David Although King David thought he covered up his affair with Bathsheba the only one really deceived was David himself This skit complements the skit The Latest Buzz Uses two actors and a narrator Takes about 4 minutes o You Wrecked My Car What s a dad to do when his teenage son is found to directly disobey the rules and then deny everything when confronted by the father Skit requires 2 actors The first scene takes about 3 minutes The second scene takes about 9 minutes The Young Peacemaker student booklets o When teaching audiences with children ask some of the children or teens to act out one or more of the stories featured Tell true stories from reconciliation books such as found in o Built on the Rock The Healthy Congregation by Ted Kober o Confession Forgiveness by Ted Kober o Cultivating Lifestyles of Reconciliation by Ted Kober and Ken Sande o The Peacemaker by Ken Sande 23

Exercise With a partner answer the following questions Provide brief answers covering the questions quickly 1 Why is it important to provide handouts such as copies of the seminar guide or Proclaiming God s Forgiveness pamphlet for people in your audience 2 How does writing notes or filling in a few blanks aid learning for some people 3 List three multi media teaching aids available from Ambassadors of Reconciliation ____________________________ ____________________________ ____________________________ 4 How can hymns songs or other parts of the regular worship service be used to reinforce teaching Application of Teaching Techniques A few closing thoughts about applying teaching techniques Look for ways to make teaching as interactive as possible Practice any teaching sections that utilize PowerPoint and video presentations o It is helpful to print out an outline of the video clips for you and your instructors o It may be helpful to put a symbol in your teaching outline for each slide o Be familiar enough not to depend on looking at the screen Use DVD video clips wisely o Choose clips with your specific audience in mind some clips are not appropriate for every audience o Don t use too many in one day three to five clips may be all that s necessary for a full day use just one or two for a shorter presentation o Tie clips into your teaching section Use discussion questions for people to reflect on application of the video clips 24

o Test the equipment and specific video clips prior to use Use special exercises to keep people involved Tell stories to illustrate and make teaching applicable o Personal stories of your own struggles with conflict o Stories of others in conflict being careful to protect confidences o Bible stories many people in today s churches don t know the stories well o Use video clips from DVD s such as Peacemaker Parables or Lifestyles of Reconciliation An Interview with Ted Kober o Tell stories from Built on the Rock by Ted Kober The Peacemaker by Ken Sande Confession Forgiveness by Ted Kober Cultivating Lifestyles of Reconciliation by Ted Kober and Ken Sande o Reconciliation stories from the AoR web site www hisaor org click on articles Close your teaching with an appropriate devotion such as o Scripture reading o Hymn or song o Prayer o A devotion from Forgiven to Forgive Distinguishing Law and Gospel The narrow sense For the word of God is living and active Sharper than any double edged sword it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit joints and marrow it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart Hebrews 4 12 When teaching biblical peacemaking it is easy to lose the balance and distinction between Law and Gospel Although one can use the terms Law and Gospel in a broad sense meaning to incorporate all that the Bible teaches it is important to be intentional about when you use Law or Gospel in a narrow sense Law The Law sets forth God s commands precepts and expectations It condemns and punishes sin Mark 12 30 31 John 5 45 Romans 3 20 The Law is necessary to convict people of their sin and prepare them for repentance 25

Gospel Comfort and relief are found only in the Gospel the good news of our salvation in Jesus Christ The Gospel assures the sinner that God grants forgiveness of sins in Jesus Christ Through the Gospel we are empowered to believe in Jesus and live as God s forgiven children John 3 16 John 6 63 Romans 1 16 Colossians 1 6 What purposes does the Law serve The Law is important and necessary when teaching reconciliation It serves three purposes A curb The Law serves to help restrain violent outbursts of sin maintaining order and safety in the world 1 Timothy 1 9 Romans 2 14 15 A mirror The Law reveals our sin Romans 3 20 7 7 A guide The Law guides Christians on what we should and should not do to lead a God pleasing life The power to live according to the Law comes from the Gospel Psalm 119 9 Psalm 119 105 1 John 4 9 11 see also Luke 10 27 What purposes does the Gospel serve The Gospel provides what the Law cannot comfort and hope for the repentant and the power to live as God s children Comfort Only in the Gospel is comfort found for God s forgiveness The Gospel which literally means good news assures the repentant sinner that he is freed from guilt from condemnation and from the bondage of sin We believers are saved eternally since Christ assumed our full punishment and gave us His righteousness See John 3 16 Romans 1 16 8 1 10 4 2 Corinthians 5 21 Galatians 3 13 Colossians 1 13 14 Hope The Gospel provides hope in God s promises that He will be with us always and will never leave nor forsake His children Matthew 28 20 Hebrews 13 5 We have God s assurance that nothing will separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord Romans 8 38 39 Power to live as God s children Moreover the Gospel empowers us to live for Christ 2 Peter 1 3 4 2 Corinthians 5 14 15 1 Peter 2 24 For the love of Christ controls us because we have concluded this that one has died for all therefore all have died and he died for all that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised 2 Corinthians 5 14 15 emphasis added 26

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness By his wounds you have been healed 1 Peter 2 24 emphasis added What are differences between the Law and the Gospel The Law The Gospel The Law teaches what God commands us to do and not to do The Gospel teaches what God has done and continues to do for us in Jesus Christ The Law shows us our sin and God s judgment The Gospel shows us our Savior and the grace and mercy of God The Law is to be proclaimed to all people but especially to those who do not repent The Gospel is to be proclaimed to those who are repentant and need the comforting message of God s forgiveness Why is it so important that you include Gospel in every teaching presentation When teaching to a group remember that people by nature have knowledge of the Law although it is tainted by sin With little teaching from Scripture most people recognize at least to some point how they fail to live up to God s standards in peacemaking Since we cannot see into another s heart we must be careful not to judge whether or not the Law has done its work in people s hearts On the other hand people possess no natural knowledge of the Gospel Thus when teaching a group you need to always include Gospel in your teaching This may be the first time that a listener in your group even a long term member of the church may actually hear how the Gospel applies to him or her Moreover remember that it is the Gospel that empowers us to live as God s children The Law on the other hand by itself may lead us to despair and desire to sin even more see Romans 7 7 12 The Apostle Peter reminds us that it is God s divine power granted to us through His promises the Gospel that enables us to live as His children 27

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire 2 Peter 1 3 4 Peter then goes on to say that when one fails to be fruitful in his Christian walk it is because he has forgotten the empowering promises that are found in the Gospel through the forgiveness of sins But if anyone does not have them he is near sighted and blind and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins 2 Peter 1 9 Therefore always be intentional in proclaiming the Gospel in your teaching Guide Church Leaders in Preparing for the Seminar Organizations in conflict need more handholding than a typical host when making arrangements for a seminar Churches in conflict struggle with tasks such as communication scheduling and coordination They often need guidance in preparing for the seminar When making arrangements for teaching the seminar Take the time to keep in contact and double check arrangements Discuss the time of the seminar with the host church o Saturdays often work well o Sundays may be an option Begin with adult Sunday School or worship Continue into the afternoon o Two or three evenings in a week o Teach over a series of weeks prior to the interviews Arrange for proper equipment and set up of room Call before you arrive to connect with the person responsible for set up and then check the set up when you arrive on Friday o Tables and chairs with all chairs facing the front o Microphones o Projector for PowerPoint and video clips extension cords screen and stand for your computer o Sound system connection to computer for video clips o Table for resources 28

Ask church to host lunch and make arrangements o Provide schedule outline for host especially noting start and end time breaks and lunch Be sure to talk with the person providing refreshments and meals prior to your arrival Help your on site coordinator consider everyone that needs to be contacted NOTE This is important because many conflicted churches do not work well within their own systems and often need guidance for very basic organizational tasks Ask specifically o For use of room where seminar will be presented no weddings or other meetings scheduled o About arrangements for serving breaks and meals o To check with church calendar for any conflicts o To check with community calendar for any conflicts o The Team Leader may need to personally talk with more than one person who may be affected by the schedule e g secretary pastor other church staff people responsible for refreshments person responsible for facilities set up etc Discuss how the seminar will be promoted In a few cases AoR discovered that the local church advertising two or even three different starting times for the seminar o Provide flyers or bulletin inserts and posters to help promote the seminar be sure to include these costs in your agreement o Remind people to bring their Bibles o Ask for their copies of bulletin announcements flyers web site announcements emails etc that promote the seminar Require registration for seminar to monitor progress for providing a count for lunch to encourage others to sign up and to provide a list for your Team s reference Don t assume that they will communicate clearly with one another o Urge that all key leaders and parties attend o In rare situations you may need to personally call reluctant leaders Arrive early to set up and check room for arrangements the day or evening prior to the seminar o Set up your equipment and test it in their system o Test all audio visual equipment including sound system o Check chair and table arrangement Avoid having chairs with back to the front Avoid having chairs where people will have their necks turned all day stiffness reduces their ability to listen Test the visibility set up by sitting at tables throughout the room to ensure that everyone can see the presenter and screen 29 In many GRA cases the team needed to rearrange all the tables and chairs Plan to arrive early enough for this to be done if needed

o Learn where heating air conditioning and light controls are located o Learn where restrooms phones water coffee and kitchen facilities are located Plan Your Teaching Schedule Work with church leaders to determine best overall schedule Some things to consider Allow 30 minutes for registration Check to see what morning start time works best with that church or organization It does vary from place to place This is not about your convenience but rather how best to serve the client and her staff and members Determine appropriate closing time Check with leaders to see what conflicts may exist major school or community sporting events weddings evening church services other church activities etc Plan for adequate breaks Provide a break at least every 75 minutes Plan a lunch break for your audience o With up to 100 people 45 to 60 minutes if lunch served on site o If lunch not served provide 75 to 90 minutes for lunch Share teaching time with all teaching Team members Staying on schedule is always important But in organizations with conflict it is even more critical People are already in the pattern of grumbling complaining judging and looking for excuses to not participate in the GRA Rotate instructors so that all Team members teach except for Team members that are only used for coaching Be sensitive to gender teaching issues for that church Agree in advance how much time each person will spend on his her section Hold one another accountable for timing give each other signals when time is nearing end Schedule a Second Seminar Usually there will be some who are unable to attend the Saturday seminar due to scheduling conflicts Others may not come because they are not convinced it is worth their time or because they are too hurt to get involved However many people will speak so positively about their experience with the main seminar that those who missed it may wish they could have attended Moreover some who attend the Saturday seminar will desire to attend a refresher 30

Thus schedule a follow up seminar for those who could not attend the first one or for those who desire a refresher Plan to offer a mini seminar on Sunday or Monday evening following the Saturday seminar o Make arrangements with one or two key leaders but ask them not to mention it to anyone else o You won t need as large a space as the first seminar Be sure to talk with the person who needs to arrange the space Assign one Team Member to present the seminar the others will be busy coaching Mark out those interview times for the instructor DO NOT ADVERTISE the seminar until the end of the main seminar o If announced too early many will opt for the shorter one and reduce the overall impact from attending the longer one o Before dismissing from the Saturday seminar tell everyone that a shortened version will be available Announce time and place Tell them that people will be given opportunities to sign up for interviews after the second seminar Encourage people to attend as a refresher and bring someone new with them o Announce the second seminar at the worship services following the main seminar o Cover key areas well rather than try to cover all material Instead of trying to cover everything present the key points and teach through stories Brief introduction about conflict Be Reconciled to God Remember Whose You Are Repent before God Receive God s Forgiveness Be Reconciled to Others Confess to the Other Person Forgive as God Forgave You Restore Gently Explain the forms and signing up for interviews 31

Teaching by Example Because you are a recognized leader not to mention a reconciler others will watch how you live your life As one who teaches about peacemaking however others will especially be watching how you deal with the conflicts in your life especially while working with a conflicted church Set an example for the believers in speech in life in love in faith and in purity Watch your life and doctrine closely Persevere in them because if you do you will save both yourself and your hearers 1 Timothy 4 13 16 Will you fail Most definitely at times because of your sinful nature So what happens then Practice what you teach Confess your sins to all who have been affected by your words and actions Forgive those who sin against you also announcing God s grace Be quick to admit your wrongs and weaknesses always pointing to Christ who strengthens you and offers forgiveness for all Sermons We See by Edgar Guest Portions taken from poem http sofinesjoyfulmoments com quotes sermon htm I d rather see a sermon than hear one any day I d rather one should walk with me than merely show the way The eye s a better pupil and more willing than the ear Fine counsel is confusing but example s always clear And the best of all the preachers are the men who live their creeds For to see the good in action is what everybody needs I can soon learn how to do it if you ll let me see it done I can watch your hands in action but your tongue too fast may run And the lectures you deliver may be very wise and true But I d rather get my lesson by observing what you do For I may misunderstand you and the high advice you give But there s no misunderstanding how you act and how you live 32

Chapter 4 Scheduling Interviews Scheduling is another important responsibility of the Team Leader The Team Leader provides opportunities for conflict coaching interviews and assigns Team Members to conduct the interviews Conflict coaching is a key part of the intervention process Each Team Member must be equipped to handle a wide variety of issues in coaching In addition they must be able to conduct a large number of coaching interviews in the time allotted Purpose of Interviews The coaching interviews are for much more than simply gathering data If gathering raw data was the only purpose the information could likely be gathered much more efficiently through surveys or written forms Personal interviews take much more time than surveys or forms Personal interviews allow the conflict coach to accomplish several things that cannot be through surveys or forms Giving individual leaders and members confidential ways to share concerns and hurts to confess their anger and wrongs and to seek biblical counsel o This provides significant personal satisfaction giving people a godly way to deal with pent up feelings o Helps to reduce gossip because people have a confidential and godly way to address their concerns o Provides a way for people to personally invest in the process and thus more readily accept the report and its recommendations Seeking clarification and additional information on data presented Providing specific coaching for the individuals on what practical steps they can take to help bring about reconciliation Some will actually take steps to reconcile building a momentum of peacemaking Learning more about the potential candidates for the organization s peacemaking team 33

Providing spiritual care through the reading of a Scripture verse and praying for the specific needs of the individuals Organizing the Interviews The process of scheduling and organizing the interviews can become challenging as you attempt to meet as many people as possible during the limited time available To avoid misunderstandings and provide the best opportunities to meet as many as possible consider the following Ask church organizational leaders to announce in advance that people will be able to sign up for an interview immediately following the seminar They are encouraged to attend the seminar in order to gain an appointment o Later you can invite others who did not attend the seminar but ask them to complete an assignment prior to the appointment Invite people to attend the second seminar Ask them to read through the Proclaiming God s Forgiveness pamphlet and complete certain devotions from Forgiven to Forgive At the end of the seminar encourage people to sign up for an interview o Everyone is encouraged to sign up may do as a couple or family o You want to talk with everyone including those who have left and those who do not have issues with church leadership o This is a godly way to express concerns without sinful gossip o People may sign up to discuss how to apply biblical peacemaking at church or in other applications Because you are collecting so many forms make it easy to organize by using different colors 1 White for adult forms 2 Yellow for youth forms 3 Blue for Reconcilers 34 o Everyone should pick up two forms at the sign up table and complete them prior to their appointment Responding to Conflict Biblically at Your Church forms for adults and youth Who Are the Reconcilers in Your Church See these forms in Appendix o Describe for everyone the basic components of the interview Opening Scripture reading and prayer Team member will receive the two forms and quickly review them Team member may ask clarification questions from the form Team member may help individual identify what steps he she can take next Team member will pray for the individual at the end of each session

The general substance but not specific details of information collected by the Team will be shared with the congregation or leadership in a report You may provide your name and phone number for follow up if the Team has questions but individual forms and their respective sources will not be shared with the congregation or its leadership Use a sign up form similar to the samples in the Appendix Note that when people sign up they do not know who will interview them Also note how appointment times may be marked out with Xs for longer meetings o This gives the Team Leader the opportunity to assign specific Team Members to certain appointments o You may discuss who would be best to meet with each individual in your Team debriefing sessions o This gives the Team freedom to change Team members when necessary Limit the time for a standard appointment to 40 minutes For a smaller organization you may lengthen standard appointments Schedule breaks throughout the day including meal times for your Team debriefs You may decide that key parties may require more time than the standard 40 minutes o Write down the person s name for one blank and then x out the following appointment on the public list This way others won t know why that appointment time is not available and they won t assume that they can also get an extended time In general avoid meeting people over a meal An exception might be if working with a key leader and his her spouse in order to provide some spiritual care o The exception may be necessary because a church leader in conflict is rarely ministered to Spending extra time caring for an individual and his her spouse provides you with a better opportunity for conflict coaching in a later interview Use the meal time appointment for ministering to them If you meet someone over a meal point out that you will also have another time to meet Schedule a few of the key interviews prior to your arrival Make the extra time available for them simply marking out their extra time with an x When scheduling an interview where it is best to not disclose the person s name such as a leader under investigation for sexual misconduct or such as a former member etc cross out the appointment name on the public list and write down the person s name on your private list This does take extra organization on the Team Leader s part 35 Assurance of confidentiality is critical

At the end of the seminar and before and after church services Team members should attend tables where people sign up for interviews to answer questions and encourage people to sign up o Handout forms for people to complete and bring with them For example Responding to Conflict at Your Church adult and youth forms Who Are the Reconcilers in Your Church o Answer questions o Encourage people to sign up explain what happens After the seminar and after worship services there are typically open spots on the 1st or 2nd day But as the team conducts coaching interviews people call for appointments and the last day fills up Make provision for a volunteer or church staff member to assist with interview appointment requests on Sunday afternoon through Tuesday evening o People will call or stop by the church to make an appointment o You may need someone other than staff if office staff are perceived to be key parties Otherwise some people will be reluctant to sign up o Once people have met with a member of your Team others will hear positive reports and desire to sign up later in the week Assigning Interviews The Team Leader assigns interviews He she may conduct key leader interviews but he she may also assign another Team member that may be better suited due to gender background passport etc 36

Chapter 5 Conducting Group Interviews The Team Leader usually leads group interviews It often is wise to have more than one Team Member meet with groups to assist with notes and to make observations while Team Leader is busy facilitating the meeting Part of a GRA process includes meeting with groups This includes officially elected groups such as boards committees and staff departments But it may also include some other groups such as groups organized against a pastor the musicians who may have great influence in the congregation parents of youth who are concerned about youth ministry and other informal groups Meeting with groups requires some changes to the individual interviews Begin with introductions Ask each person to introduce himself herself and provide the following information o Their professional background o How long they have been a member of the church organization o Their present position and how long in that position o This will give you insight on the backgrounds of key leaders Introduce yourself and other team members with you Open with devotions model for them that every church meeting begins in God s Word and with prayer o Provide Bibles from the church organization for all members of the group o Observe how well the individual members find Bible references If people struggle to find the passages this indicates how unfamiliar they are with Scripture and give indication of spiritual weakness If this is the case you may use this opportunity to teach on the importance of being in God s Word The lack of study of God s Word is sinful and leads to spiritual weakness within the congregation or organization Continue with questions observing how individuals respond in this group setting For example o What are the greatest blessings or strengths of your church 37

o What are the greatest weaknesses o What areas most seriously concern you as a church leader and which ones should receive your primary attention o What have you learned from the homework our Team assigned to you o How have you as leaders contributed to the problems o What can you do as ______ members of this board officers musicians staff etc to help lead your organization in responding to conflict biblically o What are some specific ways you can model peacemaking o In what areas do you as leaders desire leadership training o What else do you wish to share with our Team Be sure to invite the members of the group to sign up for individual interviews you will get different views and information from them individually From the Appendix you might find useful the form Initial On Site Visit Group Meetings Potentially Difficult Meetings Anticipate when you might meet with a group where there is significant tension fear unaddressed hurts anger or bitterness For example When people may become emotional When a potentially divisive issue will be discussed When the organization has experienced strife in previous meetings of the same group Where one or more individuals has manipulated controlled or intimidated people in previous meetings Where one or more individuals has used sinful behavior in previous meetings Where people may need guidance for Christian behavior In such settings establish ground rules early in the meeting Be prepared to enforce those ground rules especially in situations where one or two individuals become disruptive to the point that the prevent the rest of the group from participating appropriately See the Appendix for Ground Rules for Facilitating Difficult Meetings 38

Chapter 6 Assigning Homework between Visits and Preparing for the Second Visit With the input from the Team the Team Leader prepares and assigns homework for the congregation and or key leaders and parties in the conflict Some of the most effective coaching is done through assigning homework also referred to as preparatory work When parties are reflecting on biblical teaching on their own without a coach or opponent in their presence they often are more open to being honest with God and themselves Search me O God and know my heart test me and know my anxious thoughts See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting Psalm 139 23 24 Designing effective assignments To make effective assignments follow these guidelines Design the assignment around one major objective Trying to cover more than one key area loses impact Keep the assignment fairly simple Long reading assignments or multiple questions can confuse or overwhelm a party which often results in the assignment not being completed or having much impact Assign something to read or meditate upon o Short Bible reading may be only one or two passages or one story o Short reading from Conflict Resolution vs Reconciliation or another book on peacemaking o Section from Proclaiming God s Forgiveness o Reproducible Bible studies based on the coaching bookmarks o Coaching bookmark o Devotions from Forgiven to Forgive and the related coaching questions Keys for effective homework Keep it simple A relevant reading which teaches biblical application Open ended questions that help them apply the reading to their situation Balance Law and Gospel Follow up with another coaching appointment o Section from Christian instruction book or catechism 39

o A hymn or poem Provide a few questions to help the person apply the biblical teaching to a specific attitude or behavior of that person o Ask open ended questions questions that require more than a yes or no answer o Avoid questions that are too general or too obvious o Require that answers be written out Continue to balance Law and Gospel If you assign a passage that may convict someone of their sin be sure to also include a passage of God s promise of forgiveness to comfort and encourage them Follow up in another coaching appointment or group meeting to assist with application and to provide accountability o What did you learn from the assignment o How did the assignment help prepare you for your next step Homework for the Congregation After considering what you have learned so far in the intervention process design homework assignments for the congregation AoR s reproducible Bible studies on topics from the coaching bookmarks make excellent homework assignments for entire congregations or groups Consider the spiritual needs of the congregation Prioritize the needs to relate to what would be most immediately helpful for encouraging peacemaking Include reading assignments from the Bible o Design short daily or weekly assignments o Include devotions for example from Forgiven to Forgive o Avoid making long or complex assignments they won t be done 40 Include questions that help them apply the Scriptures to their specific situations Include prayers for God working in their hearts

Homework for Key Leaders and Parties Select portions of Built on the Rock with the questions at the end of chapters have proven to be extremely effective for leadership groups in conflicted churches Design homework assignments for key leaders and parties Use your experience from conflict coaching and mediation to design the homework assignments Get commitment to do the assignments Hold people accountable when you return Homework for the Reconciliation Team Remind your Team Members to study material that you have received during the first visit and complete GRA Team Observations forms Also remind them to keep the congregation and its leaders in your prayers Schedule a Team phone meeting between your visits Samples Find extensive sample homework assignments in the appendix of the Practicum Manual for Group Reconciliation Assistance Learning to Serve on a GRA Team Also find many practical assignments on the AoR app Reconciler Toolbox 41

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Chapter 7 Preparing and Delivering Reports As you prepare oral and written reports for your organizational client apply the same care and general principles that you use in a well written memorandum of agreement for a mediation or a well written adjudication decision for an adjudication hearing A GRA report is similar to an advisory opinion rendered under Rule 22 of the Rules of Procedure for Christian Conciliation The Team s report should move toward recommendations backed up by factual observations and Scriptural authority Since the Team does not bear supervisory or ecclesiastical authority in the organization it is serving1 the Team must approach this task with great sensitivity reflecting the dynamics of biblical change The report should be biblical throughout identifying and confronting sin with God s commands and giving hope and comfort through the forgiveness of sins in Christ Three Opportunities for Reports There are three opportunities for reporting to the leadership or church At the end of your first visit Oral report near the end of your second visit Written report following your second visit Preparation for all your reports begins with analysis and evaluation of the information you have collected Sources of Information Use all the information you gather to make your analysis and evaluation From your initial contact and proposal meetings From information collected from church leaders prior to the first visit and during the two visits o See the Sample Information Requested by the Reconciler Team in the Appendix 1 Even in the situation where a Team member has ecclesiastical or supervisory authority that responsibility must be carefully weighed when preparing a report 43

From your meetings with leaders and groups From all the interviews From all your Team debriefing meetings From all the GRA Team Observations forms From your personal observations including information you may pick up at the church or organization such as newsletters information about the church church history pictorial directories bulletins etc Analysis and Evaluation Analysis and evaluation is a continuous process that begins from your first contact Using Team debriefs discuss what you are learning throughout the process always remembering that you will be reporting back to the church organization and her leaders As you prepare review the statistical information interview notes your Team s Observation reports and your Team s debriefing sessions Look for themes and patterns o Types of conflicts that seem to repeat o Repeated players in the conflicts o Typical responses to conflicts both individually and corporately attitudes and behaviors o Back up your analysis of themes and patterns with specific examples Identify key players in the conflicts o Remember that some leaders are not elected officials but individuals who exercise significant influence among groups or the entire church o Look for influential spouses of key leaders who may be directing the official leaders o Seek to understand the history of the church and its conflicts o Remember to look for individuals from outside who may be influencing members previous pastor previous member previous major donor etc 44 Identify the major strengths and weaknesses of the church Distinguish between major and minor conflicts Identify major issues to be resolved both personal and material List some of the major sins corporate and individual which could be confronted

o Identify which sins are appropriate to communicate to the entire church or to groups o Identify those sins which should be communicated privately to individuals or leadership groups DO NOT INCLUDE THESE in your public reports At the end of your first visit identify individual leaders who could positively influence others if they were reconciled o For the Team s work only do not report List all the potential extensive coaching appointments and mediations that are needed For the Team s work only prioritize the mediations issues sins and leaders o Choose which ones you believe should be addressed while you are there o Choose which ones should be reported in an oral or written report to be addressed later o Choose which ones you should not address during this intervention process o Ask the Team What are the most important areas that we can address to help this congregation realize the first steps toward reconciliation o Remember that you are not this church s savior As in mediation you are there to guide them to take the next steps as they are able in their journey of spiritual growth Report at End of First Visit As you complete your first visit you will want to report to the leadership or possibly the entire congregation This is an opportunity to give personal and process satisfaction to those who have invested their time to attend the seminar interviews and homework Remember that this is only a preliminary report not your final assessment and report Thank leaders and members for their participation so far and the opportunity to serve them Describe what your Team has done so far give a few statistics of your work Provide initial observations yet be careful to not make major assessments Your work is far from being complete Describe for them what you will do between your visits and in your second visit 45

o Study information gathered and pray for the church o Identify key parties for further work in second visit o Contact key parties for in depth coaching and possible mediations o Conduct additional coaching and mediations o Conduct additional small group meetings o Provide training and encouragement for leaders o Report at the end of the second visit This is a significant opportunity to assign homework to leaders and the congregation Thus the report needs to give sufficient reason for the people to commit to the homework o Privately assign homework to specific individuals for preparing them for more coaching and or mediation o Publicly assign homework to the entire church Encourage them to take action between your visits o Take steps towards biblical reconciliation between your visits reaching out to meet with individuals for confession and forgiveness o Pray for one another including those with whom they disagree o Admonish them to stop their gossip Remind them how destructive the gossip has been for them so far o Remind them that they are forgiven children of God Basic Components for Final Reports A final report of church conflict intervention is similar to an advisory opinion rendered under Rule 22 of the Rules of Procedure for Christian Conciliation As such the tone of your reports should be that of recommendations backed up by factual observations and Scriptural authority Since you do not bear ecclesiastical authority in the church you must approach this task with great sensitivity and understanding of the dynamics of biblical change Whether oral or written include these components in your final reports Identify your authority in preparing the report reference the agreement where you were invited in to conduct the intervention Remind the congregation that they agreed to this process Document the process used describe what you did o Total number of days or hours worked by the Team members 46

o Seminars Bible studies sermons offered o Number of group meetings o Number of individual appointments o Other sources of information gathered Provide a summary of the current status and trends of the church or organization based on your study of statistics and other data o Current membership and membership trends for the last several years o Trends in worship attendance o Trends in the church s finances o Observations about the number of people in Bible studies each week compared to the worship attendance and or membership o If a school observations regarding enrollment and staffing o If another organization observations regarding staff turnover and possibly number of people served o Other observations you make regarding your review of the organization s official records minutes and statistics Identify the strengths and blessings of the church o Most will be derived from the coaching interviews especially the forms and group meetings some will come from your own observations o People often fail to see their church s own strengths and blessings This reminds them how blessed they are o Don t forget to remind them that their greatest strength is Jesus Christ the chief cornerstone of their church o Identify church ministries that are being effective o Note special gifts talents or groups of people within the church o Note current opportunities in the community List some of the weaknesses and challenges o Be careful to not make this list longer than the strengths and blessings o This may include areas that will relate to your recommendations Identify the issues you uncovered o Describe the specific issues or conflicts you observed or learned about and which are appropriate to report to your audience 47

o Identify conflicts caused or aggravated by disagreements over roles and responsibilities Note discrepancies and confusing descriptions in governing documents policies job descriptions systems or behaviors that contributed to the conflicts Be sure to note public actions that violated their basic organizational documents o Document with specific facts and examples where appropriate Use citations and quotes from their own organizational documents Be careful to avoid revealing confidences by name or title Blaming specific individuals is not helpful in a public report Instead talk with those people in private coaching If people are willing to confess attitudes or actions that contributed to conflict provide opportunity for them to do so o Identify and distinguish both personal and substantive issues Identify sinful attitudes words or actions observed o List sins publicly known but often not recognized such as gossip flight people resigning and leaving the organization withholding offerings as a way to manipulate leaders threats to leave or withhold offerings disrespect for authority misuse of authority etc o Protect confidences Be careful not to reveal specific sins of individuals Instead coach individuals to confess those sins to appropriate persons Indicate in your report that you coached individual leaders to take responsibility for their individual sins through confession and seeking forgiveness Document any reconciliation that was reached o Briefly describe group reconciliations carefully guarding confidences Only report who reconciled with the parties permission o Better yet have the people who reconciled report their own reconciliations as part of your oral report Then you can mention them in your written report o Describe important agreements reached in mediation Especially in cases where reconciliation was reached Only if agreed upon by all parties in the mediation May want to attach copies of actual agreements in written reports with permission of parties or parties prepared statements 48 Provide short term and long term recommendations

o Recommendations should relate to weaknesses observations or sins you identified in prior sections o Be careful not to make too many recommendations Limit them to no more than 15 to 20 Remember your job is NOT to fix their problems or make recommendations for each weakness Prioritize your recommendations only including those most necessary for them to take the next steps in their healing If you have done your job well and they implement your recommendations they can always come back to you for more ideas and training o Encourage repentance and faith in the Gospel o Urge study of the Scriptures to overcome spiritual immaturity especially for leaders o Suggest appointment of the organization s own reconcilers to establish a reconciliation ministry o Suggest that the church equip its reconcilers with resources and training o Encourage continued study and work in personal reconciliation o Suggest specific changes for the most important substantive issues o Identify resources for additional training from your organization as well as other assistance for their implementation Provide options for follow up work o Include a follow up visit in your original agreement and then schedule it with the leaders o Recommend that they use their newly appointed reconcilers after training to continue reconciliation work o Remind them to utilize their own denominational leaders and resources o Suggest your consulting services for further work with them o Recommend specific training or resources from Ambassadors of Reconciliation and other reconciliation ministries o Recommend consulting services from others you know who may be able to serve them Give hope and encouragement in your conclusion 49 If a recommendation does not relate to a need you identified don t include it Making numerous recommendations is confusing and discourages the client from adopting any of them

Oral Reports In addition to the basic components consider the following for your oral reports You may first want to meet with a few key leaders to prepare them for the report and gain additional input o May prove helpful for your recommendations and will built support for your report o Especially critical to talk to someone you may suggest to take specific action such as resignation or change in position o Help prepare a few key people to confess forgive or give other statement of reaction Use the report as an exit interview o While everything is fresh in your mind o Opportunity to receive immediate feedback and input o Provides personal satisfaction and process satisfaction to leaders and members for their investment in the intervention Present your initial findings to the leadership or the entire organization depending on your original written agreement or per subsequent agreement with the leadership o Begin with a devotion prepared for this report o Indicate that the written report may vary from this oral report after receiving feedback and finishing the second visit o Present in the same basic format that your written report will follow o Invite comment or correction on facts Although your agreement may be only to report to leadership in most cases you may want to encourage them to invite the entire organization or at least provide a summary report This is especially important if leaders are accused of a lack of transparency Provide opportunity for people to respond to oral report o Confession and forgiveness o Reports from key leaders who have already reconciled o Initial reaction o If presented only to leaders or a portion of the congregation ask how the group wants this preliminary oral report shared with the entire congregation 50 If appropriate provide brief version to entire congregation ONLY if agreed to in the original written agreement provide brief report to denominational leadership

If the denominational leadership helped pay for the cost of your services they may expect a report Be sure to clarify this and incorporate it in your GRA agreement Observe reactions from oral report and consider input for adjustments as you prepare your written report Written Reports In addition to the basic components consider the following in your written reports Remember basic guidelines as you draft your report o Pray as a Team for guidance as you prepare the report Although the Team Leader is responsible for drafting the report use the Team to review it and give feedback o Issue the report within 30 days of your visit o Use biblical references throughout the report o Continue to teach throughout the document reinforcing basic principles your Team taught in seminars Bible studies group meetings and coaching o Where appropriate provide specific examples that led to your conclusions however protect confidences o Do not overstep your authority in the report you are advisors not adjudicators o Make your recommendations specific and attainable Deliver the report only to those whom you agreed to give in advance o Leaders only o For distribution to entire congregation o Denominational leadership only if agreed in advance o In some cases you may consider preparing supplemental reports for specific individuals or groups Detailed report or recommendations for the pastor other individuals or other certain leadership groups Summary report that may be distributed more widely among membership If sending the report electronically save it as a pdf file so that someone may not easily edit your report 51

Note the sample written report in the Appendix of the GRA Practicum manual 52