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Message Safeguardthe sanctuary

ContentsWhy talk about safety?Activity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Safety PlansSafeguarding Others SanctuarySafeguarding Our SanctuarySafeguarding Our Sanctuary FromOthersActivity 5Activity 6Activity 7Final Thoughts

Why talk about safety?The definition of safety varies based onthe context in which you find yourself.Often, there are inaccuracies in ourperceptions.We might feel safe while actually facingdanger, or conversely, we might sensedanger in an environment that isgenuinely supportive.Errors in perception are quite common.Search for “cognitive biases,” and youmight recognize some that youexperience.Society plays a role by informing usabout what is acceptable andunacceptable in different settings.However, sometimes the “general rule”falls short.This is why it’s essential to discusssafety and ensure that our words andactions align.

Why we need to talkabout safety?Prioritizing Safety in Our Collaborative JourneyAs we embark on our work together, our primary focuswill be on fostering safety. We will establish this bydefining and agreeing on the boundaries of ourinteractions—similar to a “Terms of ServiceAgreement.”This eBook will encourage you to explore safetyfrom various perspectives.Activities may include watching a YouTube videoor reviewing a PDF file. You are invited to discuss these materials withyour practitioner.Questionnaires might be sent to you via SMS. If you are a client of Family Relief ParentingCoordination, your responses will be included inyour final report. We will track improvementsbased on the information you provide over the twoyears with us.One of the activities features a child narrating,emphasizing that safety is a right for EVERYONE. Keep in mind that perspectives can shift over time.What resonates with you now may change in thefuture, so revisit!

Activity 1Watch the video and answer the questions below orrequest via SMS. Rest assured, no one was harmeddespite the scary image.What drew your attention to the dog's initialbehavior?What do you think the dog's goal was?Why was the dog put in an enclosed space?How did the man keep himself safe?What did the man do to show he posed no threat?How did their relationship develop?How long did this transition likely take, and why?This video is about a dog who has had some terribleexperiences in the past. He has a dilemma in workingout how to test out whether he is going to be hurtagain or not.Our relationships can change, but we must first takethe courage of doing something different before wewill receive the reward or relief.

Activity 2Why was the owner surprised when Jackson arrived withthe cat?What did Jackson mean about cats and dogs playingdifferently?Mediators were told “the cat rules the house,” but thatwasn't the case. Why might there be confusion?Jackson says, “If they argue separately, it’ll get worse.”What does he mean?What might each owner think about the cat's behavior?What might each owner think about the dog's behavior?Watch this video, then answer the questions.This video features a household with a heated disputeinvolving a cat, a dog, and their dedicated owners.Two mediators are called in to resolve the issues andrestore harmony.Everyone has their own perspective. Creating safety inrelationships involves more than just one viewpoint,as our needs differ. Finding the right balance is muchof the challenge.

Activity 3The concept of safety can vary greatly depending on thecontext. Consider how it applies to home and personalrelationships. Finish the sentence: “Safety means ....”Watch the video and finish the statement below.

Activity 4Being safe is not being bigger, stronger, louder, hidingaway, avoiding or going along with...What can you work on to improve your perception of...being secure in your environment and protected fromdanger?being aware of your limits and honoring them?respecting the power of things that could harm you?not revealing information about yourself to strangers orpeople that can not trust that you can not trust thatinformation with?telling someone you trust when you are feelinguneasy?listening to your inner voice and choosing your ownbelief?realising that you are the single best person to protectyour precious self?Watch the video. Family friendly! So share, share, share...

A word about Safety Plans...In times of “elevated risk”, service providers might askfor a safety plan. This plan would map out steps to betaken under certain conditions like if there is a threatto self, to others, or from others.The decision to complete a safety plan is usually dueto a combination of the information you have sharedwith them, their use of questions to gather the “right”information and the service’s particular “risk appetite”.Safety PlansAfter viewing each video and completing thesubsequent tasks, you have had the opportunity torethink your stance on the topic. These tasks aredesigned to provoke reflection on the core concept ofsafety.

Safety PlansFamily Relief will not require Parenting Coordinationparticipants to provide safety plans.This is due to the following reasons:The information collected by Family Relief aboutyou is not restricted by typical confidentialityconditions.A Safety Plan outlines behaviors to follow whenthere are concerns about safety.Sharing a safety plan with someone you may nottrust does not make sense.Family Relief aims for your plans to serve as astrategy for coordinating actions when typicaldecision-making might be hindered.However, we still encourage you to safeguard yoursanctuary. To assist with this, Family Relief hascreated a self-directed "Safeguard the Sanctuary"document.

Safeguarding OurSanctuaryConcerns for safety to self comes in many differentforms. In short it is any time when we notice a part ofourself feel/hear/say/do things that puts us in harm’sway. This could look like: increased risk taking, wondering’s about death/not existing, intense self criticism, hurting ourself (i.e. self punishment, purge thebad or to feel something)Thoughts (that may or may not sound like you)telling you to do something that isn’t typical ofyour usual selfBeyond Now Safety PlanBeyond Now app is a threat to self specific resource.You can email your plan to anyone named in the planso you know they are onboard with your strategies.No need to explain when you actually need the help -it is all done in advance.Click Google Play or Apple Store to download

# Acknowledging Our Inner ConflictsRecognizing that we may be a threat to ourselves ischallenging; however, facing the reality that a part ofus could endanger others is a whole new level ofbravery!Family Relief has often heard concerns and "what ifs"regarding sharing these feelings—worries about jobs,licenses, children, confinement, or being compelled toparticipate in programs. Trust me, you are not alone inthis struggle!If you are a man experiencing anger and feelinguncertain about where to begin, consider reaching outto Mensline Australia. Click the link below to learnmore.Safeguarding OthersSanctuaryMensline Australia1300 78 99 78Both the Duluth Model and Risk, Needs andResponsivity Models are used in behaviour changeprograms. Programs are usually voluntary and groupbased (ANROWS Compass, 2015).

Safeguarding OthersSanctuaryActivity 5: Click to read the MBCP Risk Compliance Framework. Look at the case examples - do you recognise yourself oranyone close to you in these examples?Think about times that you may have been super angry....Did you ever loose control, not remember details after youcalmed down or look for the fear in someone’s face?There are times encouragement may be providedthrough legal/formal networks for some to find thecourage to attend. However Program Facilitators alsoaccept men who find it within themselves thatsomething needs to change.While Family Relief has experience with both Duluthand Risk, Needs and Responsivity models it is not theplace for Family Relief to offer this type of support.Thankfully the NSW Gov has shared the riskcharacteristics and corresponding level ofintervention at Men’s Behaviour Change Programs(MBCP).

Remember talking about perception earlier? Group based programs are preferred becausesometimes we perceive that those we may be angerat may be “laughing at us”. More often than not theyare actually crying or screaming. Talking with othersin the same boat helps. Everyone goes through thesame dilemma - realising that what they absolutelythought was true - actually was not. Realising that a) your mind plays tricks on you AND b)you have been a source of pain to people you loved...well that is a tough pill to swallow. Self help and individual sessions don’t help withidentifying this important cognitive bias, which is whygroup sessions are preferred.In contrast, there are times we feel anger naturally toprotect. So in response to the need protect but not goover the line of harming those we care about FamilyRelief has developed Safeguarding the SanctuaryPlan. Safeguarding OthersSanctuary

Safeguarding the Sanctuary Plan (SSP) is purposelydesigned to share with your supports. Sharing with your trusted others can do two things -letting them know what is important to you, what youwant to change, and how they can be there to checkin and protect you from the circumstances you won’tbe able to recognise or respond to on your own.Follow this link to get your copy of the SSP. In themeantime consider this activity: Activity 6: When you were last angry...Where did you go and what did you do?How did it make you feel better?Is the problem less likely to happen in the futurebecause of what you did?Were you able to improve your relationship?If you said “No” to one of these needs the SSP mayhelp.Safeguarding OthersSanctuary

Safeguarding OurSanctuary from OthersProtecting ourselves from others is a focus of muchfunding, research and resources. Family violence and coercive control remains a socialproblem. It is recognisable as gendered violenceassociated with patriarchy, the application ofhierarchical status onto gender. Both men and women are impacted by patriarchy as ameasure of status, though how they are impacted isdifferent according to how they and others perceivetheir gender (Allan Johnson, 1997, The Gender Knot).A great source for finding out more about it is toaccess Jess Hill’s book, See What You Made Me Do.This text is hard hitting so is not for the faint hearted.If you feel that you are at risk of harm from otherscontacting 1800Respect is a good place to start. Bygoing to the website you can make contact by call,sms, chat or video call (great for when you can’t makea sound but still need help.)1800 737 732

Activity 7Watch the following 3 videos:Each video presents the same philosophy regardingfamily violence from alternative perspectives.Describe the perspective of each video.What is the call to action for boys, girls and parents inthe first clip?Describe the perspective of each video.Is there a call to action in the second clip that isdifferent to the first?

Activity 7As can be seen sometimes we need to protectourselves from others, but equally as parents we canmiss that our actions for ‘protecting’ actually leave ourchildren vulnerable. Being responsible goes far beyond protecting ourphysical safety.Describe the perspective of each video.What is the call to action for parents in the third clip?Is there a common call to action message across allthree short clips for for parents?

You have now come to the conclusion ofthis article. If you are not sure about yournext step you are encouraged to contactFamily Relief for further information.In short we all have a right to feel safe,but sometimes it is hard to see what iscausing it. We all have a responsibility todo something different if ANYONE saysthey are not sure about their safety.Remember, Safeguarding the SanctuaryPlan can be multi purposed to meetconcerns from self to self, from self toothers or from others to self.You can access Safeguarding theSanctuary Plan here. Final Thoughts