Return to flip book view

Message Mary BrindleySafeguardthe sanctuary

ContentsWhy talk about safety?Activity 1Activity 2Activity 3Activity 4Safety PlansSafeguarding Others SanctuarySafeguarding Our SanctuarySafeguarding Our Sanctuary FromOthersActivity 5Activity 6Activity 7Final Thoughts

Why talk about safety?Safety means different thingsdepending on the context you perceiveyourself in.Sometimes there are errors inperception.We can perceive we are safe whenactually there is a danger OR we canperceive we are in danger when ourenvironment might actually be quitenurturing.Mistakes in perception is supercommon. Google “cognitive biases”,you may recognise a few you use.Society helps by telling us what is okand not ok in specific environments.Yet sometimes the “general rule” isn’tenough.This is why we need to able to talkabout safety AND make sure that whatwe say and do are the same.

Why we need to talkabout safety?We will be focusing on safety lots throughoutour work together. We start to create safety bydescribing and agreeing on boundaries ofinteraction - think “Terms for ServiceAgreement”.This eBook will help you to think aboutsafety through different lens.Some of the activities include watching aYoutube clip, or looking up pdf file. You are encouraged to talk about themwith your practitioner.Forms with questions may be sent to youby sms. If you are a Family Relief ParentingCoordination client your responses will beadmissible and form part of your finalreport. Tracking improvements duringyour two years with us will be monitoredbased on what you share.The 4th activity narrated by a child.reinforces that safety is EVERYBODY’sright. Over time things change. What stands outto you now will be different next time.Come back to this more than once!

Activity 1Watch this video, then answer the questions youreceived either by SMS or listed below.You can breath easy - while the image may lookscary, no one was harmed.What did you see the dog do at the start?What was the dog trying to do?What may have been the purpose of putting thedog in an enclosed environment?What did the man do to protect himself?What did the man do to prove that he was safe?What were the changes in the relationship?How long did you guess this transition took?

Activity 2Why was the owner surprised when Jackson came in with thecat?What did Jackson mean when explaining that cats and dogsplay differently?The mediators were informed the situation was “the cat rulingthe house” but that was not the situation in the room. Come upwith some possible reasons for how there could have beensome confusion.Jackson says “if they go bickering in their own corners aboutthis, the situation will get that much worse.” What does hemean?Take a guess - what do you think each owner thought aboutthe behaviour of the cat?Take a guess - what do you think each owner thought aboutthe behaviour of the dog?Watch this video, then answer the questions.

Activity 3Safety can mean different things based on the context.Think about home and personal relationships. Complete the sentence “Safety Means ....”Watch the video and finish the statement below.

Activity 4Being safe is not being bigger, stronger, louder, hidingaway, avoiding or going along with...What can you work on to improve your perception of...being secure in your environment and protected fromdanger?being aware of your limits and honoring them?respecting the power of things that could harm you?not revealing information about yourself to strangers orpeople that can not trust that you can not trust thatinformation with?telling someone you trust when you are feelinguneasy?listening to your inner voice and choosing your ownbelief?realising that you are the single best person to protectyour precious self?Watch the video. Family friendly! So share, share, share...

A word about Safety Plans...In times of “elevated risk”, service providersmight ask for a safety plan. This plan wouldmap out steps to be taken under certainconditions like if there is a threat to self, toothers, or from others.The decision to complete a safety plan isusually due to a combination of the informationyou have shared with them, their use ofquestions to gather the “right” information andthe service’s particular “risk appetite”.Safety PlansAfter catching each video, you've hopefullytackled the tasks that followed. The tasks areintended to stir thoughts about the essence ofsafety.

Safety PlansFamily Relief will not be asking ParentingCoordination participants for safety plans.This is because:Information Family Relief collects aboutyou is not limited by usual confidentialityconditions.A Safety Plan is a list of behaviours whenthere is a doubt of safety.It makes no sense for a safety plan to beshared with someone you may not trust.Family Relief wants your plans to be a strategyyou use to coordinate steps when usualdecision making may be compromised.Still we want to encourage safeguarding thesanctuary. So a self led Safeguard theSanctuary document has been developed byFamily Relief. Follow this link to access

Safeguarding OurSanctuaryConcerns for safety to self comes in manydifferent forms. In short it is any time when wenotice a part of ourself feel/hear/say/do thingsthat puts us in harm’s way. This could look like: increased risk taking, wondering’s about death/not existing, intense self criticism, hurting ourself (i.e. self punishment, purgethe bad or to feel something)Thoughts (that may or may not sound likeyou) telling you to do something that isn’ttypical of your usual selfBeyond Now suicide safety planBeyond Now app is a threat to self specificresource. You can email your plan to anyonenamed in the plan so you know they areonboard with your strategies. No need toexplain when you actually need the help - it isall done in advance.Click Google Play or Apple Store to download

Admitting that we are threatening ourselves ishard - but admitting concern that part of usmight pose a danger to someone else - wellthat is next level toughness!Too many times Family Relief has heard aboutthe worries and “what if” you told someoneabout your concern...job, licenses, kids,locked up, made to do programs etc. Trust me- you are not alone!If you are male, feeling angry, not sure whereto start, consider checking out MenslineAustralia. Click below to follow the link.Safeguarding OthersSanctuaryMensline Australia1300 78 99 78Both the Duluth Model and Risk, Needs andResponsivity Models are used in behaviourchange programs. Programs are usuallyvoluntary and group based (ANROWSCompass, 2015).

Safeguarding OthersSanctuaryActivity 5: Click to read the MBCP Risk ComplianceFramework. Look at the case examples - do yourecognise yourself or anyone close to youin these examples?Think about the times that you may havebeen super angry....Did you ever loose control, not rememberdetails after you calmed down or look forthe fear in someone’s face?There are times encouragement may beprovided through legal/formal networks forsome to find the courage to attend. HoweverProgram Facilitators also accept men who findit within themselves that something needs tochange.While Family Relief has experience with bothDuluth and Risk, Needs and Responsivitymodels it is not the place for Family Relief tooffer this type of support.Thankfully the NSW Gov has shared the riskcharacteristics and corresponding level ofintervention at Men’s Behaviour ChangePrograms (MBCP).

Remember talking about perception earlier? Group based programs are preferred becausesometimes we perceive that they (those wemay be anger at) may be “laughing at us”when actually they are crying or screaming.Talking in the group helps because everyonegoes through the same dilemma of realisingthat what they absolutely thought was true -actually was not. Realising that a) your mind plays tricks on youAND b) you have been a source of pain topeople you actually cared about... well that is atough pill to swallow. Self help and individual sessions don’t helpwith identifying this important incongruency,which is why group sessions are preferred.In contrast, there are times we feel angernaturally to protect. So in response to theneed protect but not go over the line ofharming those we care about Family Reliefhas developed Safeguarding the SanctuaryPlan. Safeguarding OthersSanctuary

Safeguarding the Sanctuary Plan (SSP) ispurposely designed to share with yoursupports. Sharing with your trusted others can do twothings - letting them know what is important toyou, what you want to change, and how theycan be there to check in and protect you fromthe circumstances you won’t be able torecognise or respond to on your own.Follow this link to get your copy of the SSP. Inthe meantime consider this activity: Activity 6: When you were last angry...Where did you go and what did youdo?How did it make you feel better?Is the problem less likely to happen inthe future because of what you did?Were you able to improve yourrelationship?If you said “No” to one of these needs theSSP may help.Safeguarding OthersSanctuary

Safeguarding OurSanctuary from OthersProtecting ourselves from others is a focus ofmuch funding, research and resources. Family violence and coercive control remainsa social problem. It is recognisable asgendered violence associated with patriarchy,the application of hierarchical status ontogender. Both men and women are impacted bypatriarchy as a measure of status, though howthey are impacted is different according to howthey and others perceive their gender (AllanJohnson, 1997, The Gender Knot).A great source for finding out more about it isto access Jess Hill’s book, See What YouMade Me Do. This text is hard hitting so is notfor the faint hearted.If you feel that you are at risk of harm fromothers contacting 1800Respect is a goodplace to start. By going to the website you canmake contact by call, sms, chat or video call(great for when you can’t make a sound butstill need help.)1800 737 732

Activity 7Watch the following 3 videos:Each video presents the same philosophyregarding family violence from alternativeperspectives.Describe the perspective of eachvideo?What is the call to action for boys, girlsand parents in the first clip?Is there a call to action in the secondclip that is different to the first?What is the call to action for boys, girlsand parents in the third clip?Is there a common call to actionmessage across all three for boys,girls and for parents?

Activity 7As can be seen, sometimes we need toprotect ourselves from others. We might try toprotect our physical safety, the safety of thosewe love, or our roles and identities.

You have now come to the conclusion ofthis article. If you are not sure about yournext step you are encouraged to contactFamily Relief for further information.In short we all have a right to feel safe,but sometimes it is hard to see what iscausing it. We all have a responsibility todo something different if ANYONE saysthey are not sure about their safety.Remember, Safeguarding the SanctuaryPlan can be multi purposed to meetconcerns from self to self, from self toothers or from others to self.You can access Safeguarding theSanctuary Plan here. Final Thoughts