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Family Newsletter 2022 UK

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delight, accept, grow • T3/2022 • 1mainlymusic.org.ukIt has been recorded that a young man once walked along a dusty road where a cathedral was being constructed. He found a labourer fiercely pounding away at a stone with a hammer and chisel. Why did he look frustrated and angry? “Can’t you see I’m trying to shape this stone, and it’s back-breaking work.”Further along, another man was chipping away at a similar stone, not looking particularly angry or happy. “I’m shaping a stone for a building,” he commented.Intrigued, the young man continued his journey and came across a third worker chipping away at stone in the same way. He was whistling and singing. Again, the youth asked his question. “What are you doing?”Smiling, the third worker replied, “I’m building a cathedral.”There are days when our parenting feels like we’re attempting to shape a stone and it’s back-breaking work. When no-one is listening. When there are grizzles and whining. Parenting can feel tedious, and unappreciated.When we can stand back and ask, “What’s really going on here?” keeping in mind how much of a cathedral, with its ornate turrets and stained-glass windows we’ve achieved, we’ll see that little child from a completely different perspective.Those are the times when, while we cuddle our child, we can whisper, “Can you see? I’m building a cathedral.”Who are you building?For families

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2 • T3/2022 • delight, accept, growmainlymusic.org.ukPlay PlayWithout spending lots of moneyIt’s purpose and howWhether the price of fuel is astronomical, or whether your car still needs recharging, finding enjoyable play options around home or within walking distance can be extremely satisfying. At times, it’s a matter of having a list of ideas that you might do on the way to or from a necessary shopping trip or errand run.One reason children get off track is motivated by the way they think about themselves. Unfortunately, when your child gets off track, adults in their lives focus on that behaviour and the child continues to be difficult. Rather than using time out, use time in. Children love ‘together-time’, which happens in mainly music and mainly play sessions. Time in helps children to feel loveable and appreciated. Time in is an unconditional gift of your time and love. And time in can surprise and delight children because it is given freely and despite previous good or bad behaviour.Start by setting aside 15 minutes. If your child is old enough, you might want to give them a list of activities they could select from. If you’re feeling creative, a list for a non-reader might be pictures.Wander through a pet shop – what pet would you love to have?Visit a local garden shop – what colours do you see?Walk in the rain – can you feel the rain? Can you put out your tongue and catch some?Balloons inside can be wonderfully enjoyable – ‘keepy-uppy’ is a game where everyone works together to keep the balloon/s in the airGo to a local park – run, walk, kick a ball, take a snack, play on the equipmentWalk around the block – look for colours or numbers or something you are teaching your children aboutHang balloons in the hallway – children can ride or run around, bumping, or avoiding

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delight, accept, grow • T3/2022 • 3mainlymusic.org.ukGaining co-operationUsing play to learnWhen you’re activating time in, try observing and narrating. State the obvious, like a commentator. “I can see you moving the trucks. Wow, they’re big ones.” “I love how you’re lining up the animals. A black horse, a stripey tiger, a grey elephant.”Try not using this time to teach behaviour and ask questions. If your young child misbehaves, turn away and wait. It might be you have to say, “I’m going to go now. But I look forward to playing another time.”This freely given time of warmth provides an example of how to interact with others, without manipulation.Setting up a pretend game that will bring out the focus of a behaviour that needs to be learned by your pre-schooler has the benefit of not putting the child in focus.What’s the behaviour that needs attention? Maybe, sharing. Set up a pretend meal for teddy and dolly, the truck, and/or the car. Put out the cups and plates. There’s no need for food although you could use pictures from a grocery store flier. Keep it simple! Demonstrate sharing using your language and your actions.This is a wonderful way for your pre-schooler to pick up a new skill!Do you follow us on Facebook and Instagram?We have competitions occurring throughout 2022.

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4 • T3/2022 • delight, accept, growmainlymusic.org.ukA rhyme to use at homeFind a bouncy feel to the words as you read them. You and your child can say this rhyme while facing each other. Or, as you get familiar with the words, use it while you’re travelling.There’s so much learning in the rhyme and when used face-to-face, your child will also be reaping the benefits of that parent-child connection.Do you struggle sometimes when you feel like you’ve told your child again and again about a way to act or respond, and yet again, they do the opposite? At times it feels like a bottomless pit! Teaching our children values can be a way to inform their behaviour. One of the parenting organisations we particularly Pick it upPick it up, put it downWalk your fingers round and roundClap your fingers, 1, 2, 3Roll your fingers just like meRub your fingers on your cheekOpen, shut them like a beakWiggle your fingers ever so slowNow take your fingersKiss … and blow!Used by permission – Josephine Hood© mainly music International Trustlove, Parenting Place (parentingplace.nz), encourages parents to consider what values drive their family and then make those the ‘go to’ statements to help children make great choices and to point their children in the right direction. Like, “Hey Sally, we respect others. How did that show respect for your brother?”