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WINDHAM COUNTY PREVENTION PARTNERSHIPP.O. BOX 6008 BRATTLEBORO, VT 05302WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP@GMAIL.COM WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGOur goal with these pages is to support parents/caregivers by providing suggestions, tips, and resourceswhen you need them most. And if you’re feelingoverwhelmed and need some extra support, we haveincluded contact information for resources andconnections to local services if you need it. A show of hands: How many of us wish we had more support and advice to help our kids grow as thoughtful, caring, healthy individuals? You can’t see the other parents or caregivers reading this right now, but every hand is up. You are not alone. We’re all in this together. What is really important is taking the time to connect asparents/caregivers, so we can talk about the challengeswe face, and successes. Together we can grow andstrengthen each other by sharing what’s worked and whathasn’t. FAMILYHANDBOOK

Having consistentboundaries & clearexpectations & talkingto your kids aboutdrugs & alcohol. Fostering healthy familycommunication byspending quality timetogether. Participating in activitieslike team sports orperforming arts.Supporting kids inunderstanding emotions;the good, the bad, and theugly & learning copingskills.Access to qualitymental health care. Working closely withtheir school as apartner & instillingcommitment tolearning. PREVENTION 101: KNOW WHAT WORKS1WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORG

Set aside ten or fifteenminutes a day to talk andditch all of the distractions. Just hang out, have somefun, be silly, talk aboutlife and their dreams. Plan special familymeals, with fun themes,or random celebrations. Plan regular family time toplay games, music, makeart, walk, hike, fish or swim. TAKE TIME TO CONNECTOur time is one thing kids really want, but it does mean slowingthings down. Family time builds strong bonds and it shows.2WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORG

Support your kid infinding ways to take risksthat are positive andhealthy. Check yourself, try torespond calmly, and take afew deep breaths. Help them learn how toexpress their needs andfeelings in constructiveways.Listen for understanding,when they are upset. Validate and accepttheir feelings, avoidlecturing, and only giveadvice when asked. 3WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGHEALTHY COMMUNICATION During the tween and teen years conflict will happen as kids go through manychanges; physically, emotionally, and socially. Sometimes it hurts us to see themstruggling and we want to solve things for them when that is not what they need or even want. Here’s what works:

4WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGRULES AND EXPECTATIONS Positive discipline is a powerful tool for teaching kids. They love positive feedback andit helps them to correct and change their behavior. Explaining why you have the “rules”helps kids to feel and be safe. Expectations provide them with healthy guidelines andboundaries. Here’s what works: Kids’ Rules: Invite your kidsto be part of making rulesfor the whole family. Thisallows them some wiggleroom to help set their ownrules, and it will show thatyou trust them. Show Appreciation: Saythanks, or write little thankyou notes when you noticed them being helpful,cooperative or kind or caring to others. It helps tobe specific. Right vs.Wrong: It reallyhelps when we focus onwhat we want them to dorather than what they didwrong. Acknowledge Effort: Letthem know when you seethem trying to do better, itmeans alot to them, and itcan motivate them to tryharder. Teachable Moments:Conversations about hottopics that come up inmovies, the news, social orin your community can begreat teachable moments. Logical Consequences:Have kids take fullresponsibility for theiractions. And kids learn somuch when they experience consequences.

Take turns shopping forand cooking each other'sfavorite family meal. Have them choose thechores they can live with.It teaches them that yourfamily works best whenyou work together. Kids could make theirbed, set the table, feedthe dog, take out thetrash/recycling. Help your kid learn somereal-life skills by havingthem open a bankaccount. Kids can thrive when given age-appropriate responsibility. Have them make up aschedule to balance,home, school andactivities. Allow age appropriatedecision about school,activities and what theywear. 5WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGKIDS AND RESPONSIBILITY

Keep track of theirstress level and helpthem learn how to de-stress and cope.Help them find ways tofind positive risk-takinglike new skills,projects, or passions. Give them age-appropriate freedom andsupervision. Avoid criticizing theirchoices of self-expression. Lovingly remind themof your expectationsand rules consistently. Make sure they getenough sleep, stick toregular routines, familymeals etc. 6WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGTWEEN AND TEEN BRAIN Kids’ brains are changing fast and “under heavy construction,” especially during thetween and teen years. They are building the brains they will have for the rest of theirlives. Here are some ways to will help:

Start the conversation about alcohol and other drugs early. Kids see it on TV,social media, at school, in their neighborhoods and sometimes close to home.Be honest, curious, and matter-of-fact. 7WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGTALKING ABOUT ALCOHOL AND OTHER DRUGSCreate the space for themto share their feelings,fears, concerns orcuriosity. Ask for their opinionsand thoughts aboutalcohol and other drugs. Talk with our kids earlyand often, listenclosely.Use events in the media orthings on social media aconversation starters.Ask open-endedquestions to betterunderstand whatthey’re thinking. Explain that trauma, stress,anxiety, emotional pain ordepression are the rootcauses of addiction. ?

8WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGWHEN TO BE CONCERNED THAT OURKIDS ARE EXPERIMENTING OR USINGWorking to know and understand our kids helps us recognize the difference betweennormal, behavioral growth and sudden, dramatic change. Sudden, dramatic changecould be a sign that your kid is using alcohol or other drugs. What to look for: •Using gum, perfume, or cologne to hide the smell of substance use, or Visine to cover up red eyes. Avoiding eye contact. •Physical changes, obvious changes to skin health, change in diet, noticeable weight gain or weight loss. •Randomly disappearing for long periods of time, to unknown places, for unknown reasons. Breaking curfew. •Lying about where they have been or who they were with. •Become secretive, whispering on the phone, sneaking off to text, locking doors or belongings. •Alcohol, substances, medications or pills going missing from home cupboards or medicine cabinets.

9WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGKNOW THE FACTSMost kids do not use drugs but it's important to not to assume your kidwon’t. Alcohol is part of many celebrations, and is easy to access. Rx drugs are in most of our homes, they're easy to get and easy to share. Kids share: Ritalin, Adderall, Concerta etc; they are dangerous and highly addictive. Kids have started drinking earlier: the average age now is 14, and most addictions start by the age of 18! •Today's teens who do drink, binge drink to the point of passing out. •Marijuana: Most people don’t know that kids can become dependent. •Kids who smoke/vape marijuana often think it helps with stress or anxiety. •Marijuana use is connected to psychosis, depression, panic attacks, and suicide. •If your kid is using one substance, they're probably using others. •Because the teen brain is being rewired, it can become easily addicted.

Pay extra attention toyour kid when they arestruggling. When you see your kidsucceed, acknowledge itand ask them whathelped. Listen to the story of aperson in recovery.Encourage kids to askquestions. Plan special time doingthe things they love to do. Try to keep themgrounded at home andstick to routines. 10WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGWHEN THINGS GET TOUGH: STAY CONNECTED When things get hard with your kid, it’s more important than ever to findways to stay connected with them. Here are some tips:

Schools have counselors and medicalstaff that can offerconfidential support. Local mental healthprovider or privatetherapist. Same day mentalhealth access throughHealth Care & Rehabilitation Services:(855) 220-9428.Talk to a trusted friend orfamily member. Reach out to your localRecovery Center: TurningPoint of Windham County(802) 257- 5600) andTurning Point of Springfield(802) 885-4668.Local PreventionCoalitions can providejudgment-free adviceand referrals to servicesand support groups. Free and confidentialalcohol and drug supportand referral services at VTHelplink - vthelplink.org -(802) 565-LINK.11WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGASK FOR HELP AND ADVICEDrug use can lead to addiction which is a disease that should not come withshame or guilt. Addressing it early will make a big difference. There are manysupports available to your kid and for you.

WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGRelationships Check Tool Instructions: Give each family member a copy of this checklist. Have eachfamily member check what they think is almost always true in your family. Theneveryone takes a turn sharing their answers with examples. This is a greatopportunity to discover. There are no right or wrong answers. We trust each other. We really pay attention to each other when we’re together. We make each other feel known and valued. We show each other that we enjoy being with each other. We praise each other for our efforts and achievements. We take each other seriously and treat each other fairly. We involve each other in decisions that affect each person. We work together to solve problems and reach goals. We give each other chances to make decisions and take the lead.We expect each other to live up to our potential. We push each other to go further. We insist that we each take responsibility for our own actions. We help each other learn from mistakes and setbacks. We guide each other through hard situations and systems. We help each other be strong, confident, and take charge of life.We stand up for each other when we need it. We set limits that keep each other on track and moving forward.We inspire each other to be hopeful for the future. We expose each other to new ideas, experiences, and places. We introduce each other to people who can help us grow.

Start the Conversation:WWW.WINDHAMPARTNERSHIP.ORGOur Family Agreements Before coming up with a list of family agreements, after dinner try the on the previous page. Because we love each other and want to be a strong and healthy family we agree together to... 1. Show love every day in little ways. 2. Have open honest communication and listen respectfully to each other. 3. Work on being patient and understanding when conflicts arise. 4. Accept each other's feelings as real; focus on solutions to problems. 5. Empower you with age-appropriate choices and responsibilities. 6. Involve everyone in making decisions that affect the whole family. 7. Learn to forgive and learn from our mistakes and accept the consequences. 9. Set fair age-appropriate rules and boundaries that will help us to thrive as a family. 10. Always make time to connect and have fun as a family. Signed by:  Parent(s) or Guardian(s)_________________________________________________________ Child(ren)_____________________________________________________________________ Date:____/____/_______                             Sealed with hand shakes or hugs.Introduction: As a family it can be so helpful to actually create a Family Agreement together. Set aside enough time to meet with your family. Having refreshments or even going out for lunchadds some fun. Your children and you should feel important and respected. Start With some Positive Vibes Relationships Check Tool