Return to flip book view

RECLAIMING JOYWhen the holidays trigger challengingmemories, how do we override thosetriggers with glimmers of joy? TinaHamilton offers her expertise.SEASONAL AFFECTIVEDISORDERAs the days become shorter, manypeople suffer from SAD, or theWinter Blues. What is it? Who isaffected? How do we treat it? REACTION TO RESPONSEWhen we experience trauma, we areprone to react to difficult experiences.But how can we merely respondwithout emotional baggage? December 2024SEASON OFCHANGE

AlwaysDear Readers,We are in the homestretch of 2024. And as we wrap it up, I wanted to thank you for awonderful year. The Winter can bring on many feelings including SAD. In what the NationalInstitute of Mental Health calls Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD, aka the Winter Blues,people have reported an increase in depressive symptoms. Find out who is most affected, whatare the symptoms and how it can be treated.Unfortunately , while the holidays ring in some interesting family dynamics, it also brings in anincrease in reports of domestic violence. Our Prosecutor’s POV contributor, Kathryn Marshprovides us with how to spot it in your community and how you can help.For our Toxic Abuse Relationship POV, we beg the question, Is Love Enough? Mila Stankoic,from Star Network helps us with the answer.The holidays can oftentimes trigger a pattern of trauma. However, our parenting POVcontributor, Tina Hamilton shares how you can reclaim your happiness during this joyous timeof year.While conflict may be inevitable, being able to engage in conflict resolution is quite a skill tomaster. And it all begins with understanding the difference between reacting and responding.John Ford, our December contributor and Founder of Empathy Set shares how we can go fromReaction to Response.When resolving conflict and overcoming trauma, forgiveness can be a controversial topic. Dr.Layla Salek, Author of Chaos in Colors, contributes her piece and answers the question: Canthere be personal healing without forgiveness?And as in every issue, we have our monthly playlist which I curate with my most recent listenedto songs. We’ll call it Lorilee’s Mixed-Tape Playlist along with my picks for children and adultbooks. Plus, check out Joy Larkin's Twin Flame Reading to see what's in store for the end of2024.Happy Reading!Lorilee BinstockAuthentic Insider | Page 02editor's noteLorilee BinstockEditor in Chief

Authentic Insider | Page 03L o r i l e e B i n s t o c kE d i t o r i n C h i e fC a l i B i n s t o c kC r e a t i v e D i r e c t o rL y n n B i n s t o c kC o p y E d i t o rJ o y L a r k i n T w i n F l a m e R e a d i n g s

K a t h r y n M a r s hDomestic Violence & The HolidaysProsecutor POVAuthentic Insider | Page 04T i n a H a m i l t o nReclaiming JoyParenting POVM i l a S t a n k o v i cI s L o v e E n o u g h ?TAR POVAuthentic Insider | Page 04

John FordReaction to ResponseContributorsDr. Layla SalekHealing & ForgivenessAuthentic Insider | Page 05

in this issue2024Seasonal Affective DisorderIs Love Enough?Joy's Twin Flame ReadingAuthentic Insider | Page 06Reclaiming joyDomestic Violence & the HolidaysAIM PlaylistRecommended BooksReaction to responseBy: John FordHealing & ForgivenessBy: Dr. Layla SalekReclaiming JoyHealing & ForgivenessSeasonal Affective Disorder183513

Check out Binstock Media Group's Website traumasurvivorthriver.comGet the latest from A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast, AuthenticInside Magazine, Lorilee Binstock in the media, and the latest news.Visit traumasurvivorthriver.com Authentic Insider | Page 07

“When the winds ofchange blow,remember…sometimes whatappears dead issimply preparingfor a new season.”— Jane Lee LoganAuthentic Insider | Page 08

Emotional Stress. For some, family does not bringjoy, or the holidays can bring up sadness and badmemories. These feelings coupled with societalexpectations to be cheerful can lead to increasedvolatility and conflict, increasing violent behaviors.Financial stress. The pressure to buy gifts, hostgatherings, compete with the Joneses, or just therising costs of making ends meet today canincrease tension within relationships and triggerviolent behaviors. “Christmas is meant to be themost wonderful time of the year, but we know thatfor women and children experiencing domesticabuse it is far from this and can be a frighteningand isolating time. We know that for womenexperiencing economic abuse, the run-up toChristmas with its expectations and additionalexpenses can be particularly hard…”Ruth Davison,chief executive of Refuge. Increased Alcohol or Substance Abuse.Holiday season brings parties and socialgatherings with an increased access toalcohol and other substances. Thisincreased use can impair judgment,lower inhibitions, increase tension andlead to physical abuse. Studies havefound that substance use immediatelyprecedes 47% of domestic assaults. Authentic Insider | Page 09“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.”—Hamilton Wright MabieHoliday season is upon us. The time to celebrate with family, rejoice and be glad. Or is it?While many people are joyfully planning times to travel and be together with loved ones, others arejust finding ways to survive. The holiday season often leads to a surge in domestic and familyviolence. In fact, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, domestic violencecalls increase on average 20% in the month of December. This can happen for a variety of reasons.Written by Kathryn Marsh,Prosecutor POV

Isolation. While there is often an increase in holidayparties and social gatherings, the holidays also leadto increased family isolation time with schools outand time off of work. The potential for abuse canincrease just because abusers have more time athome with their family, and regular avenues ofreporting are cut off to the victims and survivors. Limited Access to Support Services. We all loveto have time off, and while it’s great for offices tobe closed, this often means that support servicesfor individuals suffering from addiction andmental health challenges are not as readilyavailable. Limited support services can increasestress and reduce avenues abusers might be ableto take to avoid violent tendencies. Authentic Insider | Page 10Even though the above highlights some ofthe main reasons domestic violence mayincrease over the holiday season, thesereasons aren’t excuses. We don’t excuseabuse. However, understanding triggersthat can lead to domestic violence canhelp individuals develop personalizedplans that focus on communication,conflict resolution, and stressmanagement. Additionally. the National DomesticViolence Hotline has resources for safetyplanning for holidays. These resourcesinclude communication tips for familymembers and friends, as well as holidaytravel tips and tips for safety planning withchildren during the holiday season. Whileeveryone hopes for a joyful season, it neverhurts to be prepared.During this holiday season it is important forus all to remember that we have no ideawhat goes on behind the closed doors ofothers. Anything we can do to help reducestress, care for a neighbor, or just beavailable to listen may be the greatest giftwe can give.

"Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home." - Edith SitwellAuthentic Insider | Page 11

Advertise with InsiderFor more information, email lorilee@binstockmediagroup.com

Authentic Insider | Page 13Many people go through short periods of timewhere they feel sad or not like their usual selves.Sometimes, these mood changes begin and endwhen the seasons change. People may start tofeel “down” when the days get shorter in the falland winter (also called “winter blues”) and begin tofeel better in the spring, with longer daylight hours.In some cases, these mood changes are moreserious and can affect how a person feels, thinks,and handles daily activities. If you have noticedsignificant changes in your mood and behaviorwhenever the seasons change, you may besuffering from seasonal affective disorder (SAD), atype of depression. In most cases, SAD symptomsstart in the late fall or early winter and go awayduring the spring and summer; this is known aswinter-pattern SAD or winter depression. Somepeople may experience depressive episodesduring the spring and summer months; this iscalled summer-pattern SAD or summerdepression and is less common.The following informationcan be found at theNational Institute ofMental Health

Symptoms of majordepression may include:SAD is not considered a separate disorderbut is a type of depression characterized byits recurrent seasonal pattern, withsymptoms lasting about 4 to 5 months peryear. Therefore, the signs and symptoms ofSAD include those associated with majordepression, and some specific symptomsthat differ for winter-pattern and summer-pattern SAD. Not every person with SAD willexperience all of the symptoms listed below.If you or someone you know is in immediatedistress or is thinking about hurtingthemselves, call the National SuicidePrevention Lifeline toll-free at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You also can text the CrisisText Line (HELLO to 741741) or use theLifeline Chat on the National SuicidePrevention Lifeline website.SEASONAL AFFECTI V ED I S O R D E RAuthentic Insider | Page 14

Authentic Insider | Page 16S e a s o n a l A f f e c t i v e D i s o r d e rSAD occurs much more often in women than inmen, and it is more common in those livingfarther north, where there are shorter daylighthours in the winter. For example, people living inAlaska or New England may be more likely todevelop SAD than people living in Florida. In mostcases, SAD begins in young adulthood. (aswell as others). It is unclear whether these are"causes" or "effects" of the mood disorder, butthey can be a useful focus of treatment. especially bipolar II disorder, whichis associated with recurrent depressive andhypomanic episodes (less severe than the full-blown manic episodes typical of bipolar Idisorder). Additionally, people with SAD tend tohave other mental disorders, such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, an eating disorder,an anxiety disorder, or panic disorder. Learnmore about these disorders by visiting the NIMHMental Health Information page. Scientists do not fullyunderstand what causes SAD. Research indicatesthat people with SAD may have reduced activityof the brain chemical (neurotransmitter)serotonin, which helps regulate mood. Researchalso suggests that sunlight controls the levels ofmolecules that help maintain normal serotoninlevels, but in people with SAD, this regulationdoes not function properly, resulting in decreasedserotonin levels in the winter.Other findings suggest that people withSAD produce too much melatonin—ahormone that is central for maintaining thenormal sleep-wake cycle. Overproductionof melatonin can increase sleepiness. Bothserotonin and melatonin help maintain thebody’s daily rhythm that is tied to the seasonalnight-day cycle. In people with SAD, thechanges in serotonin and melatonin levelsdisrupt the normal daily rhythms. As a result,they can no longer adjust to the seasonalchanges in day length, leading to sleep, mood,and behavior changes. In addition to vitaminD consumed with diet, the body producesvitamin D when exposed to sunlight on the skin.With less daylight in the winter, people with SADmay have lower vitamin D levels, which mayfurther hinder serotonin activity.SA D is mo r e com m on in pe o pl e withma j or d ep r es si ve di so r de r or bi po l ardi s or de r,Mi l li on s of Ame ri c an adu lt s ma ysu f fe r fr om S AD , al t ho ug h ma ny m ayno t k no w t he y h av e the c on d it io n. SA D so me ti m es ru ns i n f am il i es . S ADis mo re c omm on i n peo pl e w ho h av ere l at iv es wi th o th er me nt al i l ln es s es ,su c h as ma jo r dep r es si on orsc h iz op hre ni a.De f ic it s in v ita mi n D ma yex a ce rb ate the se p ro bl ems bec au sevi t am in D i s b el i ev ed to pr om otese r ot on in ac ti v it y. Ne g at iv e th ou ght s a nd f ee lin gsab o ut the wi n te r an d i t s a s so ci at e dli m it at ion s a nd st r es se s a r eco m mo n amo ng p e op le wi th S A DWho tends to suffer from SAD? Authentic Insider | Page 15

Talk to your health care provider about whichtreatment, or combination of treatments, is bestfor you. For tips for talking with your health careprovider, refer to the NIMH fact sheet, TakingControl of Your Mental Health: Tips for TalkingWith Your Health Care Provider.If you think you may be suffering fromSAD, talk to your health care provider or amental health specialist about yourconcerns. They may have you fill outspecific questionnaires to determine if yoursymptoms meet the criteria for SAD.To be diagnosed with SAD, a person mustmeet the following criteria:They must have symptoms of majordepression or the more specificsymptoms listed above.The depressive episodes must occurduring specific seasons (i.e., onlyduring the winter months or thesummer months) for at least 2consecutive years. However, not allpeople with SAD do experiencesymptoms every year.The episodes must be much morefrequent than other depressiveepisodes that the person may havehad at other times of the year duringtheir lifetime.Authentic Insider | Page 16Treatments are available that can help manypeople with SAD. They fall into four maincategories that may be used alone or incombination:

Authentic Insider | Page 17some seasonssome seasonsare meantfor growth and abundance, while others are meant for rest and resetting.

Crafting Meaningful Moments During the Holidayswritten by: Tina Hamilton, Parenting POVWhen my daughter was a toddler, her father and Iseparated. For a few years, we tried to keep upjoint birthdays and holidays. It worked—until itdidn’t.In 2017, we decided it was time to celebrateseparately, starting with Christmas. My daughterwould spend Christmas Eve at her dad’sapartment, waking up there to see what Santabrought. I’d pick her up at noon on ChristmasDay.That Christmas Eve was horrible. What kind ofmother am I to not be with my child tonight? Ishould just cancel Christmas. I don’t think I slept.What I didn’t realize at the time was how muchthis decision was triggering something deeper inme—something from my own childhood that Iwasn’t even fully aware of. I was consumed byguilt, grief, and a feeling of missing out onsomething that I thought should be mine as amother.That night, and for much of the next day, I was amess. I was convinced that my daughter wouldfeel abandoned, that the holiday wouldn’t feel“right” for her, and that by not being there onChristmas morning, I was somehow destroyingeverything we had worked so hard to build.Even as the years passed and I’ve learned that sheis, in fact, happy, loved, and well cared for in bothhomes, it still hurts. It’s a deep ache that exists inthe background of shared holidays, knowing Idon’t get to be there for every moment. Andsometimes, despite our deep connection, I still feellike I’m missing something with her.I wish I could say I figured it all out thatChristmas Eve, that I had some profoundrealization in the midst of the pain. But thatdidn’t happen. It took time—time to process theemotions, time to grieve what was lost, and timeto realize that joy doesn’t always come in the formI expect it to.With every holiday that has passed since that firstChristmas Eve without my daughter, I’ve come torealize that holidays don't have to look a certainway to be meaningful. They don’t have to beperfect to bring joy. And they don’t have to mirroranyone else’s vision of what a ‘real’ celebrationshould be. For so long, I thought that reclaimingjoy during the holidays meant avoiding the pain,but I’ve discovered it’s about crafting traditionsthat honor both the beauty and the growth in ourlives.True joy comes from connection, presence, andauthenticity. So how do we reclaim the magic ofthis season, especially if it’s been clouded by grief,overwhelm, or old patterns? It starts with lettinggo of the script society gives us and leaning intowhat feels true for us now.Holidays are loaded with “shoulds.” You should goto every party, create picture-perfect decorations,cook elaborate meals, and keep every familytradition alive. But those expectations can feelheavy, especially if they no longer resonate withyour life or values.Authentic Insider | Page 18

Reclaiming joy begins with giving yourselfpermission to rewrite the script. What traditionsstill bring you peace? What activities feelmeaningful to you? And what obligations are youready to release? Letting go of the pressure to meetexternal expectations allows you to create spacefor what truly matters.You don’t need grand gestures to createmeaningful moments. Simple, intentional ritualscan ground you in the present and help youconnect with what’s most important.Take a moment to reflect on gratitude or set anintention for the season as you light a candle.Fill it with songs that lift your spirit, whetherit’s old favorites or calming instrumentals.Reflect on the year—what you’ve learned, whatyou’re proud of, and what you want to carry forward.Turn a simple recipe into a ritual by savoring theprocess and enjoying it without rushing.Whether it’s a walk in the crisp air or watching thesnow fall, nature has a way of grounding us.These small acts may seem ordinary, but they can anchoryou in the present and bring a sense of calm to the season.Some of the most meaningful moments happen inthe quiet, unplanned spaces of the holidays. It’snot about creating Instagram-worthy memoriesbut finding authentic connections—whether it’swith loved ones, yourself, or the present moment.This might mean letting go of tightly scheduledplans in favor of flexibility or choosing activitiesthat invite connection over performance. A messykitchen from baking cookies with your kids or aheartfelt conversation over a cup of tea can carrymore meaning than a flawless family photo.Authentic Insider | Page 19

The holidays can be a mix of emotions—joy,nostalgia, even grief. Acknowledging and holdingspace for the full spectrum of feelings can makethe season feel more authentic.Consider creating rituals to honor both the lightand the shadows. This might include honoringyour loved ones by lighting a candle or sharing amemory before a holiday dinner, setting aside timefor reflection on the past year’s lessons, orallowing yourself quiet moments to step awayfrom the noise to rechargeThese practices remind us that it’s okay for theholidays to be complex, that joy and grief cancoexist.No two holiday seasons are the same, and whatyou need one year might differ the next. Someyears may call for rest, others for celebration. Trustyourself to adjust and honor where you are now.Ask yourself, “What would bring me peace thisseason?” Whatever the answer, allow yourself tofollow it without guilt or judgment.Reclaiming joy during the holidays isn’t abouterasing the challenges but about finding ways tostay present, honor your truth, and connect withwhat matters most.If you’re looking for support during this season ofgrowth and reflection, I invite you to joinSoulCircle, my meditation membership. You’llcreate space to ground yourself, stay present, andlisten to the inner wisdom that guides youthrough even the most complex times. Discoverhow to make this season one of peace, connection,and meaningful joy.Authentic Insider | Page 20

I N T U I T I V E SOULU T I O N SA W A K E N Y O U R I N N E R W I S D O Mmeditation membershipSoulCircleMy meditations are atransformative journey, not juststillness. Immerse yourself in afull-body, somatic experiencethat explores thought patternsand unlocks your inner wisdom. Discover meditation reimagined.Unlock your inner wisdom with mymeditation library. Designed toreconnect you with your true self,these guided sessions help younavigate life's challenges with grace. Start your free week today!JOIN NOWlaunchtinahamiltonI N T U I T I V E G U I D E + M E N T O RW O U N D S T O WISDOMF I N D I N G P E A C E I N T H E S H A D O W Slisten now

"The fires burn and the kettlessing, and earth sinks to restuntil next spring." — Cylde Watson

A Trauma Survivor Thriver’s Podcast is joining Mental Health News Radio Network https://www.mentalhealthnewsradionetwork.com/a-trauma-survivor-thrivers-podcast/

Have you ever wondered why, despite all thelove, effort, and sacrifices you put into arelationship, it still feels like you’re walkingon eggshells, always questioning your worth,and wondering if you’re the problem? Thatwas my reality for years.I thought I had found “the one” in my ex-partner. The relationship started withfireworks—love, passion, excitement. But astime passed, subtle criticisms turned intofull-blown attacks, and what was once awarm embrace felt more like a suffocatinggrip. I convinced myself that this wasnormal, that love meant sacrifice, and that ifI tried harder, if I loved more, everythingwould change.I remember constantly asking myself, “Why do Ifeel so lost? Why do I feel so small?” Yet, I stayed,convincing myself that it was just a rough patch.It wasn’t until I found myself isolated from friends,ignoring my family’s concerns, and acceptinghurtful behavior as the norm that I realizedsomething was wrong. It’s incredibly tough to seethe full picture when you’re stuck inside it,especially when you’re blinded by love or fear ofbeing alone.What I didn’t realize then was that I was caught inthe “hurt people hurt people” cycle as Dr. Jamiesays—a psychological phenomenon whereindividuals who have been hurt or experiencedtrauma often end up hurting others. Both my ex-partner and I had unresolved pain from our pasts,but instead of healing together, we ended updamaging each other more. I felt trapped,convinced that I couldn’t do better, and worriedthat maybe I caused the problems.Does this sound familiar?By Mila Stankovic, STAR NetworkLoveLoveAuthentic Insider | Page 24

If you’re questioning your relationship, feeling lost,or wondering if you’ll ever find happiness, knowthat you’re not alone. STAR Network has created asafe space called TAR Anon where you can find theanswers and support you need. We believe thateveryone deserves a place to heal, grow, andtransform—where every survivor can shine like thestar they truly are.STAR Network’s mission is awareness,transformation, and self-love. We help STARs,Survivors of Toxic Abusive Relationships, on theirjourney to healing. Through our peer supportmeetings, community, and resources, we provide alifeline for those ready to take the first step towardbreaking free.And if you’re ready, we invite you to join us—become an ambassador, help spread the word,donate, or simply stand with us. There is hope, andthere is healing. Remember, you deserve to shinelike a STAR, because you are a STAR!It took years to realize that I was worthy of love,respect, and happiness. And breaking free fromthat toxic relationship was the hardest, yet mostliberating decision I’ve ever made. But I didn’t do italone—I sought guidance, support, and thestrength to face the truth I had been avoiding. Andnow I can say: I am a STAR—a Survivor of a ToxicAbusive Relationship. It’s a title I carry with pridebecause it means I found the strength to riseabove the pain and reclaim my life.Many of us fall into toxic relationships due tounresolved traumas and fears, thinking that lovewill eventually fix everything. But here’s the truth:you can’t heal in the same environment that madeyou sick. You need support, guidance, and clarity tofind your way out.Authentic Insider | Page 25

Through TAR Anon, I was able todig deep into my untreatedCPTSD and understand moreabout my addictions to opioidsand other drugs. Through TAR Anon, I gainedvaluable insights into myalcohol addiction. Thank you somuch for offering theseamazing meetings!TAR Anon was key in freeing mefrom narcissistic abuse.ToxicAbusive Relationships candestroy you! But TAR Anonhelped me break free!ITAI S.ROB W. ANNA L.GABRIELE Y.TAR Anon provided a safe andanonymous space that wasessential in my recovery. Ithelped me realize my addictionissues stemmed fromchildhood.Powered by:taranon.org contact@tarnetwork.orgFree TAR Anon MeetingsWhy Is TAR Anon™ for you?Our STAR LIGHTS Will Tell You Why RelationshipsParental AlienationToxic FamiliesToxic Worksites

Nature gives to everytime and season uniquebeauty; from morning tonight, as from thecradle to the grave, it’sjust a succession ofchanges so soft andcomfortable that wehardly notice theprogress. — Charles DickensAuthentic Insider | Page 29

ResponseAuthentic Insider | Page 30Once we embrace that conflict is inevitablein social relationships, the question we haveto ask is “how do we respond?” Responsibly,we’d hope. Yet, for the most part, when weare in conflict, we are not very responsive,and tend to be reactive. Shifting to aresponsive approach to conflict is easier saidthan done. When we are in conflict situations,we are typically being triggered and revertingto our unconscious conflict handling scripts.What’s the difference between a responsiveand a reactive approach? When we respond to the challenges of life-including our conflict situations-we takeresponsibility for our role in the situation, we arein tune with what we are feeling and why, and ourthoughts, words and behaviors are conscious ofthe bigger picture. By contrast, when we react, weshift responsibility for the situation to the otherthrough blame; we assume the victim role and are‘justifiably’ carried away by powerful feelings likeanger, fear and grief. We use an unconscioustemplate for reaction that seeksacknowledgement, justice, restoration, and evenrevenge.One of the reasons that it is so hard to beresponsive is that we experience and are typicallyexposed to unproductive conflict scripts from thetime of our birth. Our earliest lessons come fromthe approach our parents take to their ownconflict, our experience of how our parents dealJOHN FORD, FOUNDER OF EMPATHY SETwith us, and as we grow up, through ourinteractions with siblings, friends, colleagues,teachers and bosses. If we struggle to deal withour differences with the aid of language, try andimagine how hard it was during those early pre-verbal years when we didn’t even have a word todescribe conflict.WRITTEN BY

Authentic Insider | Page 31“IF WE CAN MAKE THESHIFT FROM VICTIM TONAVIGATOR OF THEQUALITY OF OUR OWNEXPERIENCES, WE CANSTART TO WORK WITH THEENERGY OF THE EMOTION.” As a species we have achieved great physical andmental milestones, and yet when we arethreatened by another’s behavior-as is typicallythe case in conflict-we reveal how immature weare emotionally. It is as if we revert to ourchildhood mentality when we are triggered.Knowing this at an intellectual level is one thing.Being able to shift our physical and emotionalbehavior from reaction to responsive choicewhen we are actually triggered is another. If only,because when we are triggered, we are bydefinition not in our most conscious state. Ourwell worn neural pathways take us away from theperspective taking cortex, into the reflexive limbicstructures such as the amygdala. We are in areactive survival mode.As modern neurologists, such as Antonio Damasio,have helped us understand, emotions areenmeshed in the neural networks of reason. Inother words, there is no such thing as a decisionfree of emotion. Yet in our culture, wecontinuously hear expressions that extol the virtueof not making emotional decisions. This is one ofthe great challenges of our time-how to matureemotionally, such that we can make responsibleemotional decisions about how to deal with ourdifferences (aka conflict).The other is more causal and seeks to transformthe trigger mechanism itself. This approach iscentered on taking responsibility for our ownemotions and learning new templates for ouremotional responses. It relies on the inherentplasticity of the brain to rewire its well worntemplates.Stuff happens. We all experience pain anddiscomfort. The shift is in seeing that when we aretriggered, it is not because of something out therethat is happening, but rather the interpretation wegive to the situation. A blue sky can mean hell for afarmer desperate for rain, and joy for a sunbatherat a beach. What triggers one, will not necessarilytrigger another. Playing the victim is a choice. Andwhen we do, it feeds into our tendencies to react.If we can make the shift from victim to navigator ofthe quality of our own experiences, we can start towork with the energy of the emotion. So often wesuppress what it is that we are feeling, or just giveour emotions free reign. Both of these reactionsare tempting, but do not help shift the triggermechanism. In fact the unresolved emotionalenergy continues to seek release and sets inmotion the characteristic spiral dynamic ofdestructive conflict.Gestalt therapy has a simple suggestion forchange-feel what you are feeling. It is only whenwe are able to experience where we areemotionally that we can move somewhere else.Some find this scary. Imagine, allowing yourself tofeel the anger. Almost immediately you tellyourself to be bigger, and to show compassion. Orif you are disappointed at a friend, you chastiseyourself for being judgmental. Yet, to change theway we are triggered, we must allow ourselves tofeel what it is that we are feeling.One focuses on the moment that we are triggered,and seeks to restore short term balance. It is reallythe symptomatic response-the band aid-thathelps the person in conflict calm down, andrelease the primal grip of the amygdalaso that the cortex can come into play. There are avariety of calming techniques that help with this.Until the next time we are triggered!There are two ways we can approach ourpenchant for reactivity.

This does not mean that we wallow in our feelings.We use the attention of our mind to focus andclearly identify what it is that we are feeling. If weare able, we trace back in time, other experienceswhere we were triggered in a similar manner. Youhave probably heard people asking inexasperation, “why does this keep happening tome?” It is because they are carrying unresolvedemotional energy that in all probability will takethem back to an incident that occurred in theearliest years of their lives.Once we have identified the emotional signaturethat we associate with the trigger, and explored itscommonality with other life experiences, we canallow ourselves to feel the emotion, ideally with amind that is compassionate. In other words, we donot judge ourselves for what we are feeling. Whenwe can do this, the energy of the emotion canmove, and not be hijacked by limiting neuralstructures like the amygdala.When we allow our feelings, when we start toexperience them fully, and to welcome them intothe neural hallways of reason, we can start torespond in a more mature way to our lifechallenges. We are able to take stock of the biggerperspective and incorporate the significance ofwhat is happening to us right here, right now.Authentic Insider | Page 32As long as we have unresolved emotional energy,we will always be triggered by this or by that. Eachof us discovers through his or her triggers, theareas that seek integration. When we allow thesesituations to morph into conflict situations, wehave choices. One path takes us toward the wellworn templates of reaction. Another takes ustoward calming techniques, and ways that workwith (not against) the energy of the emotion.This path is not easy, for in the moment of beingtriggered we are outraged that we are beingtreated the way we are. The situation in our mindrises to a level that demands a reaction-and whenwe don’t get the ‘response’ we expect, our ire onlyincreases, and we set in motion the destructivecycles that we ultimately call conflict. A shift thatis honest about our proclivity for reaction andwhich moves us toward-not away- from ouremotions increases our chances of a consciousresponse to the challenges of the inevitableconflict that comes our way.Being aware of the difference between a reactiveand responsive approach is the start. Then thehard work begins. As we uncover the contours ofour unconscious conflict handling scripts we canbegin to shift. We learn how to calm down, to takeresponsibility for our reactions, and hopefully tofeel what is going on a wholesome manner thatdoesn’t exclude our most creative problem solvingcapacities.ONCE WE HAVE IDENTIFIED THEEMOTIONAL SIGNATURETHAT WE ASSOCIATEWITH THE TRIGGER, ANDEXPLORED ITSCOMMONALITY WITHOTHER LIFE EXPERIENCES,WE CAN ALLOWOURSELVES TO FEEL THEEMOTION, IDEALLY WITH A MIND THAT ISCOMPASSIONATE.

“Thank you so much for the cards. I havealready utilized them with a group that Ihave been working with, and they were agame-changer in helping the members ofthe team to begin to explore their teamdynamics. Low trust and effectivecommunication have been something thatthis team has struggled with for sometime. We utilized the cards as a part of theexercise to help clear emotional tensionwithin the group. What an impactfulshared experience!”— Margie Harrier, Chief Operating Officer,Kaiser Permanente Orange County“I have found them to be more effectivein one session than hours ofpsychotherapy! You can put your cardsout on the table, so to speak, instead ofruminating over stagnant feelings inyour head. This will improve your socialrelationships immensely. I’ve used ‘TheEmpathy Set’ to resolve issues withfamily members. They help us moveforward without getting stuck injudgments and negative emotions.”— Marilyn Cooper, Tai Ji Master,Founder of Pushing for Peace“I bought these focused on restoring mymarriage, but they turned out to bewonderful for our entire family. Ratherthan have a bad attitude, my teens and Ihave found them very helpful forcommunicating without anger.”— Jennifer Johnson, Verified AmazonPurchaser“Creating situations with The EmpathySet app has helped me more readilyaccess the vocabulary of feelings andneeds and handle challenginginteractions more skillfully. I’ve noticedthat tense conversations can becomemore relaxed and connected throughthis awareness.”— Jane Mock, Parent and PatientAdvocateWhat I need is . . .Build Empathy and Emotional IntellegenceFind Lasting SolutionsPromote PositiveCommunicationWhat I feel is . . .A Powerful Communication Tool

The process of healing is dauting and overwhelming. Regardless, to thrive and stop passingdysfunctional patterns to your next generation, healing is crucial. It is a conscious, intentionalpath beginning with clarity, resting along the way to feel emotions, then passing throughforgiveness, and ending with laughter. It is not a onetime event. It is a well-worn path youwill walk daily. It’s personal. Painful. Hard. Rewarding. And once you have healed, you have aresponsibility to help others heal. You must shine your light on their path. Walk beside them.Lead them out of darkness. But first, you must heal yourself.I recommend 5 steps to healing. Authentic Insider | Page 35& forgivenessThe second step is “feel your emotions.” Sit quietly with the emotions that arise from thetraumatic event. Unpack them. Feel them. Honorthem. Simply, experience your experience, then letthe emotions go. No longer hold onto them or denythem. Stop the incessant story on replay. Stopavoiding the painful feelings.As the famous quote says, “what you resistpersists.” It is time to stop carrying the heavyburden of suffering. Therefore, move from yourhead to your body and feel.Then, release. Take as much time is needed. If thisstep is skipped, healing will never occur, and theemotions will seep out in appropriate ways.Sabotaging relationships, careers, events, andfuture generations. Therefore, feel and release.The first step is “call everything by its rightname.” Engage in an honest inspection of the facts of eachhurtful experience. Examine with the intention ofgaining clarity. See clearly not only theirresponsibility for the pain, but yours as well. Yes,you also have a responsibility in the experience. Seek counsel if needed. You must release oldstories and be open to the truth. When has claritybeen achieved? When you have seen yourresponsibility in the hurtful event, ask forforgiveness and forgive yourself.Written by: Dr. Layla Salek, Author of Chaos in Color

The third step is to start your day with a routine ofbecoming present. Sit quietly.Breathe. Pray. Meditate. Let past and futurethoughts go like clouds. Stop thinking. Stop ruminating. Be, and focus onyour breath. As emotions arise, feel and release.Practice presence for 30 minutes to an hour a day.With this routine, you no longer avoid or store newhurtful emotions or events. You deal with eachday’s issues in the present moment. And you leavethe issues there. Remember, pain is inevitable inthis life, but suffering is a choice. This practice helps you discover your essence.Your true self. Your soul.Authentic Insider | Page 36Finally, once you have gained clarity, felt emotions,developed a presence practice, and forgiven, you are readyto reap your rewards. It is time for letting go, loving, and laughing. It is time to truly live and be free from past burdens andfuture anxieties. Let go of everything and see what remains. Then, love the deepest.Laugh the loudest.The fourth step is a bit controversial, so I am told.Hopefully, I will not lose you. I highly recommendforgiving everyone for everything all the time.People that cause suffering to themselves andothers are hurt. And for certain, hurt people hurtpeople. Whatever pain they have caused you, Ipromise they are experiencing deeper pain. Theirpain has simply spilled over to you. They do notwant to be a person that causes suffering.Therefore, they need the most love andunderstanding.They need your forgiveness. Once you forgive, yourelease both of you from the traumatic event. Thehurt dissolves instead of multiplying and remaining.God put these people in your orbit for a reason. Usethe pain for good. Use it to awaken. Use it to heal.Use it to learn and teach. What does it hurt toforgive? It takes nothing away from you except egotrappings and painful stories. Not only do theyneed your forgiveness, but you need it as well toheal. To evolve. To let go. To move on.Consequently, forgiveness is your responsibility anddaily personal practice.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Informed Psychedelic Assisted Therapy https://moxieschool.com/the-art-of-transformation/www.moxieschool.comheather@moxieschool.comConnect: The IFS Model (Internal Family Systems) is one of the fastest growing and most popularinterventions for working with psychedelics. Why? Because it's such a natural and effectivepairing for the material that expanded states naturally elicit. Fast track your opportunity to learn IFS by joining The Moxie School in this wildly exciting niche! If you want to learn IFS as it applies to expanded states, The Art of Transformation courseteaches effective methods to deeply anchor transformation in your clients. No matter whatstage of the process you are working: preparation, guiding, or integration, an IFS Informedapproach is key to supporting your clients in lasting transformational change. Lots of courses teach “about” psychedelic assisted therapy, this course teaches you the “how to” of doing interventions throughout psychedelic transformational work.Whether you are a therapist, coach, or guide - a medical professional, mental healthprofessional, or a mid-life career transition person - you are welcome! Bring your curiosity for IFS and your love for working with expanded states!LEARN MORETHE ART OFTRANSFORMAIONAll the detailsAuthentic Insider | Page 38

“Every season is one ofbecoming, but not always oneof blooming. Be graciouswith your ever-evolving self.”— B. OakmanAuthentic Insider | Page 39

“It’s amazing how alittle tomorrow canmake up for a wholelot of yesterday.” — John GuareAuthentic Insider | Page 40

WHO WE AREAPPLY TODAYHelp us create a world where has access to psychedelic healing,regardless of their ability to pay for it.everyoneIf you or a loved one would benefit from psychedelichealing please apply. The Psychedelic Access Fund (PAF) is a 501c3 nonprofit thatbreaks down the financial barriers to psychedelic healing. Weaccomplish our mission by sponsoring select individuals whowould benefit from psychedelic healing but can not affordaccess. Click the button to donate towards our mission.Help someone heal.Authentic Insider | Page 41

As the mental health crisis reaches devastating levels post pandemic, more and more people arelooking for ways to manage their mental health. How does a childhood sexual abuse survivor, a veteran struggling with PTSD and an athletesuffering from Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI), trauma, and addiction find effective healing andrelief? Psychedelics. A treatment that was studied and used as effective treatment for mental health disorders until itwas banned and categorized as a schedule I drug in the 1970s, psychedelics have providedmuch needed relief for thousands of people suffering from trauma and mental health issues.Regardless of the laws banning these treatments, the people who understood the power of thesemedicines feel more empowered to find ways to help others find healing through them. On thefollowing page click on the graphic to view the Proof of Concept for "Our Own PersonalRealities." An Upcoming Documentary about the Fight toBring Psychedelic Healing Back into the LightAuthentic Insider | Page 42

If you are interested in donating orinvesting in this film, please emaillorilee@binstockmediagroup.comAuthentic Insider | Page 43

"Keep your face alwaystoward the sunshine, andshadows will fall behind you."— Walt Whitman

“Swim” By Jack’s Mannequin“So Close” By Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness“The Resolution” By Jack’s Mannequin“Space” By Something Corporate“Dark Blue” By Jack’s Mannequin“Ohio” By Andrew McMahon“Something Wild” By Andrew McMahon and Lindsey Sterling“Smoke and Ribbons” By Andrew McMahon“Skywriting” By Andrew McMahon“This isn’t how the story ends” By Wildermiss“Identify it” By Wildermiss“W.I.F.I.” By Wildermiss“Sea in My Tea” By Wildermiss“Supermagical” By Wildermiss“Cartel” By Honestly“The Phrase that Pays” by Academy is…MY MIXED-TAPE PLAYLISTThis is my curated list of Nostalgiamixed with my new favorite band,“Wildermiss.” Every year, my husbandand I see Andrew McMahon perform. ABand that started with SomethingCorporate in the early 2000s, then Jack’sMannequin and then to his solo monikerAndrew McMahon in the Wilderness. InNovember, we joined Andrew & Friendsfor a 4 day Rock Cruise through theBahamas. Here are just a few of thesongs I’ve been listening to. Lorilee’s Mixed Tape PlaylistLorilee’s Mixed Tape PlaylistMUSICMUSICMUSICMUSIC

Authentic Insider | Page 46Pediatric nurses have the responsibility of caring for the smallest ofpatients, but it is their greatest honor to be their patients' friend.Through the good days and bad, your nurse will keep you safe, andcomfort you when you are sad. They will walk you through scary things,holding your hand when something stings. It won’t always be easy, andnot often enough fun, but they will cheer you on until your hospitalstay is done. Your nurse and your friend, they both will be until the veryend.*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.This affectionate, deeply soothing story exemplifies how to comfort someonewho is hurting. Elba carries the black block of grief and sadness wherevershe goes--until Norris comes along and helps her to let go of the block andenjoy life again. A wonderful gift for any occasion, perfect for fans of TheRabbit Listened.. When Ayden’s world gets noisy and unpredictable, she likes to imagine asky that brings her comfort and order. Readers are invited to see theworld through Ayden’s eyes as she uses art to enhance communication,regulate her emotions, and express her feelings.

The Shadow of a Figure of Light: the Archetype of the Alcoholic and theJourney to Enlightenment delves into the nature of modern psychospiritualtransformation by examining the human thirst for wholeness through the lensof alcoholism and addiction. Establishing an unknown historical thread thatties renowned psychiatrist C.G. Jung and Alcoholics Anonymous co-founderBill Wilson, Cody Peterson shows how their methodologies each stemmedfrom an ancient shamanistic source constellated through what he has coinedthe archetype of the Alcoholic. Painting the Twelve Steps as a modern myth,the author presents the Alcoholic as a paradoxical image leading us towardsenlightenment amid a deepening, culture-wide spiritual crisis.From a young age, Layla Salek has experienced some people as colors—hermother brown, her father green, her husband rainbow. As she notes,sometimes, when words fail, colors speak. Chaos in Color is the captivatingstory of Layla’s journey from childhood to adulthood with a mother whosuffered from untreated bipolar disorder. Each chapter paints a vivid,heartbreaking picture of the abuse, neglect, and trauma that she experiencedas she grew up at the mercy of her mother’s bipolar swings, an incompetentmental health system, and the strangers with whom she was often left. Butdissipating those times of darkness were moments of love, joy, and happinessthat she felt while being cared for by others in her life. We Lead is a powerful statement about what happens when women connectin friendship, community, collaboration, and business.Lead author AliceAnne Loftus, founder of Leading Lady Coaching, is nostranger to what it takes to lead a successful business. When you dive intothis audiobook you’ll experience her and her expert cast of co-authors’generous guidance and coaching. The best leaders help others lead. Ourauthors’ stories will inspire you to leave your excuses behind and build thebusiness of your dreams. You’ll also learn practical strategies that comefrom women business owners enjoying the next level of success.*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.Authentic Insider | Page 47Mental Health Books (for adults)

The cards are telling me there could be a reconciliation with someone from your past. It could befriends or family members that could be reconnecting during this time. I feel that someone isfeeling weighed down with responsibilities. Soon, many of you will be letting off anyunnecessary burdens in your life. A plan that someone came up with failed and took a financial loss. This month, there is a need tobe mindful of spending. Be sure to save, track your expenses, and plan for a rainy day. Otherscould be holding back and may be trying to be more disciplined with their finances.I see happiness coming for many of you. Spending time with family and friends is advised. Manyof you are focused on your goals and driven to reach success. You will achieve your heart'sdesire. Continue to move forward and be patient. A relationship could be starting this month aswell.In a different spread among the cards, many of you could have some decisions to make. It couldhave something to do with using your intuition and trusting your gut. Lessons are being learnedthis month and you could be gaining wisdom. This lesson could have taught you something thatmaybe you were not ready for. Stand your ground. People may have thought that they could get one over on you. I see that youare letting people know not to mess with you. The focus this month could be on building afoundation and acknowledging achievements. You are no longer letting distractions get in theway. I feel that you are protected from any toxic people.Overall, I see that a false person's intentions are going to get exposed. That unexpected income iscoming with sudden wealth. Traveling is in your future. Singles could be meeting a person whothey intend to marry. Married couples could be renewing their vows and connecting. About JoyAbout JoyJoy is a Narcissistic AbuseSurvivor who has made it herlife's work to help others throughlife coaching. She is also a healer,earth angel and psychic medium.If you would like coachingservices from Joy and/or getyour own personal reading,please scan the barcode belowwith your smartphone camera.READINGSPersonalINFOCoachingAuthentic Insider | Page 44