Classroom180 pages 25-59 : simplebooklet.com

Billy Teacher Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Student Figure 1 10 When Billy transfers his dysfunctional family system into the classroom he tries to take charge of his teachers and fellow students in order to survive instincts and activates the lower part of his brain from which he will determine what self protective action to take next Instead the solution comes by methodically and intentionally teaching Billy about the hierarchical structure of the school Billy needs to be given a clear understanding of the chain of command within his academic environment When new employees are hired at a large corporation one of the first items they receive at their orientation is an organization chart This helps them better understand Angela Kohtala Principal Bobbi Benson Behavior Specialist History Department Math Department Deanna Maki Curriculum Specialist William Talbert Vice Principal Language Arts Department Kim Tillman Administrative Assistant Science Department Music Art Department Robert Lee Scott Johnson Sara Sampson Carson Mathews Karl Brennon Sam Hicks Joanna Brown Sam Talbert Abby Jones Mike Abel Sergey Semank John Rowland Jake Nelson Steve Sanchez Kanesha Roberts Bill Howard Ken Rowe Ben Howard Rodger Oih Figure 1 11 Organizational charts of the school or district afford students the opportunity to see how they fit into the overall structure giving them a sense of belonging 24 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 the structure of the company so they know how they fit into this new and unfamiliar organization The same is true for Billy We can no longer assume that Billy understands the system of the classroom or school in which he belongs Showing Billy a diagram of the organization of the school building is much more effective than just discussing it verbally see Figure 1 11 Set Love Based Limits and Boundaries The teacher absolutely has to be in charge of the classroom to keep the classroom safe and orderly With the teacher in charge Billy will have to abide by the rules and allow the teacher to have the power and control However this is a scary requirement for many of our Billys In many cases Billy s blueprint is that the adults in charge are not there in his best interest and therefore he is not safe Yet to be able to sustain order in a school the adults from the administrator down to the classroom teacher have to be in charge and this needs to be done in a relationship based and loving way This idea of holding strong boundaries while being emotionally safe is best explained by combining the personas of both Mister Rogers and General Patton see Figure 1 12 Mister Rogers exemplifies relationship kindness and understanding General Patton represents the strength of holding limits and boundaries and giving students the message that I can handle you as well as I m never giving up on you The problem in the past was that schools exemplified too much of a General Patton stance with a zero tolerance policy This offered no understanding and no guidance for The Fred Rogers Company used with permission Getty Images used with permission Figure 1 12 Mister Rogers left and General George S Patton right D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 25

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students The result was a national trend that became infamously known as the school toprison pipeline Then in an attempt to become loving and trauma sensitive some schools swung in the other direction and the result was not enough structure Combining both relationship and limits is an art and it requires teachers to be sensitive while holding the line to give students the security they need when boundaries and limits are established Demonstrate a Forever Commitment Too many of our Billys have had educators give up on them They have been moved from school to school to school due to their negative and bad behaviors The only logical conclusion for a student who lives in an egocentric world especially our Billys is I m unlovable I m bad and no one can handle me We have to work to change this for our Billys if we are going to help them change in the long term The message Billy needs to hear and feel from his teacher s is I will never give up on you Ever This is the message of a message to students healthy family Family is all about unconditional love Families are about forever Families do not that says I will never give up on their children so neither should the never give up on you classroom teacher give up on her students A forever commitment needs to be fostered it helps them learn in the trauma informed classroom The message to every student from the teacher needs to be I to trust will never never give up on you Likewise the message to every student from the school needs to be We will never never give up on you Every child wants to be loved even if they appear to reject every attempt from adults to do so It is about fear We must overcome their fear with unconditional commitment and unconditional love When we create a message to students that says I will never never give up on you it helps them learn to trust For many students this message will reduce their stress and allow them to settle into a less protective stance They no longer have to fight for themselves When we give them the message that we are together with them not apart from or against them their need to fight will be reduced and their emotional safety will increase While this type of message will work for some students impacted by trauma for others who have been more severely impacted by trauma it will result in a higher level of stress and in some cases will ignite even more acting out behaviors at first These students When we create a 26 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 have such deep relational trauma that they do not trust anyone or anything anyone says They will not accept such a message at face value They will have to test these words out through their actions People who they trusted in the past also made similar promises only to let them down repeatedly It will be part of these students healing process to test the adults in their lives who tell them they are there for them unconditionally These are the students who will exhibit a higher intensity of negative behaviors when given this promise Taking the time to have of forever It is important to understand this dynamic and not write behavioral reports with closure with a student words such as Student is testing the teacher Yes indeed he is testing the teacher benefits not only the The solution is to hold the course with these student being moved students If they become disruptive and even unsafe more on safety in Domain 4 every action but all the students must be taken to curb the violence and not merely pass these students along to a different school who remain in the class Many times just staying the course with these intense Billys through their fear of being given up on will eventually help them to change their behaviors and be successful in the classroom Other times however there will be students who cannot be in a particular class and maintain safe behaviors There will definitely be times when Billy will need to be moved to a more contained classroom However the old message of Billy moved to another class school because he couldn t behave needs to be replaced with Billy moved to another class school because he needed more than what I am able to give him He is still a part of our class family and we will welcome him back when and if the time comes Healthy families do not give up on their children so too should class families never give up on their students In cases when Billy does need to be permanently removed from a class outreach measures are required to ease the transition for Billy Simply moving him without any type of closure only reinforces Billy s already deep wounds of rejection The class can create a card or sign saying they miss him and love him The teacher can connect with Billy in his new classroom to let him know she has not abandoned him When Billy is permanently removed from a classroom this also raises fears in his classmates who remain Their stress increases and they wonder What will happen to me Am I next We have always thought that this kind of fear is good for children D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 27

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that it makes them behave and stay in compliance This may be true for the Andys of the classroom but fear does not work to move Billy into compliance It only heightens Billy s negative reactivity Taking the time to have closure with a student benefits not only the student being moved but all the students who remain in the class When the other students know that Billy is getting the help he needs and was not being rejected based on his behavior it sends a powerful message that they are safe unconditionally An analogy to better explain this can be seen in the case of a student in the class who breaks his arm That student gets sent out of the classroom and to the hospital He may be out several days and continue to miss some school because of physical therapy during the One of the goals of healing process When this happens the other students are not afraid they will be sent to the being trauma informed hospital too They understand the situation and know that the student is being taken care of is to stop stigmatizing Similarly they must know that students who students because of are so dysregulated will need to be sent out of the classroom to be in an environment where behavioral or mental they too can be supported When we switch to a trauma informed health issues approach and present Billy s situation in the same fashion free of judgment criticism and shame the other students will ultimately be able to value their school and value being in a classroom that is there to support them rather than punish and scare them One of the goals of being trauma informed is to stop stigmatizing students because of behavioral or mental health issues These invisible issues should be handled no differently than physical issues Thus the new message in the trauma informed classroom is that every student will have his or her needs met no matter if they are physical regulatory or behavioral just as in a loving and healthy family where all family members know that their needs will be taken care of Always Hold Regular Family Meetings One strategy that enables families to connect with one another reflect on the past week s events and set goals and or address problems is to hold weekly family meetings This strategy can effectively translate over to a classroom family as well The classroom family meeting allows students to have a voice and be heard When students are able to 28 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 contribute to what is going on in the classroom they have more buy in and can take more responsibility for their actions Having meetings in the classroom builds and strengthens a classroom family It helps students relate to one another which fosters more trust among classmates too Meetings can be held as little as once a week on a regular schedule for about twenty to thirty minutes Students sit in their chairs in a circle or on the floor as pictured in Figure 1 13 and follow a set format One student each week is chosen to lead the meeting with the teacher there to provide guidance as a coach If needed the teacher ultimately has the power to direct the meeting Besides weekly scheduled meetings the family meeting can be used to bring the students together after a challenging incident For instance if Billy had an explosive and disruptive incident the teacher could call a meeting to talk about what happened to allow students to process the event and to brainstorm ways of doing things differently to prevent such Figure 1 13 Family meeting of a middle school classroom chaotic moments in the future discussing challenges they are having with an assignment This gives all the students a sense of safety and it reconnects the entire classroom family together which can ultimately strengthen the bonds within the classroom environment Although these meetings take time it is time well spent to help students recover and get re regulated after challenging moments unfold in the classroom Classroom family meetings can also be used in the realm of academics In Figure 1 13 the teacher had the students join in a circle to discuss the challenges they were having on their research assignment A talking stick was passed around in a clockwise direction to give each student the opportunity to share or not share what issues he or she was facing in the discovery part of the research Once the talking stick made a full circle the teacher had the students discuss solutions as a group It was an exercise where each student was heard acknowledged supported and empowered to move to the next level D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 29

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in the assignment Using these types of circle meetings on a regular basis makes them a familiar process In the event that such a meeting needs to be called due to a difficult or uncomfortable situation that arises having already practiced these meetings adds a level of comfort for the students Establish and Display Classroom Values Establishing foundational values facilitates building the norms of a classroom family and it sets the tone for how students are to behave Displaying these values prominently allows them to serve as a reference point see Figure 1 14 Merely displaying them on a poster is not enough They should be reviewed often and used to help guide students interactions and behaviors Remember many of these values will be new to Billy and in direct contrast to his family of origin Establishing classroom values is also a way to avoid having a long list of rules with what to do and what not to do Anything that has the title of rules will automatically ignite a rebellious reaction from Billy All students whether Andys or Billys want to have a sense of autonomy and be empowered to think through their behaviors rather than be controlled For instance if the value is We are respectful to ourselves to others and to the teacher then there does not need to be a rule that says Do Figure 1 14 Classroom Values sign not interrupt others Admittedly getting some from an elementary school of the Billys who can be concrete thinkers and have difficulties with inferences to understand what being respectful means will take time but it is a way to get these students to have more buy in and to empower them The sign shown in Figure 1 14 has some generalized class values The Be kind value can easily take care of a long list of rigid rules For instance if Billy is bugging his classmate while they are supposed to be working on an assignment the Be kind value covers this instead of having a rule that says Do not bug others If Billy is saying something mean 30 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 the Be kind value covers this behavior too instead of having a rule that says Do not talk badly about others If Billy is skipping in line the Be kind value covers the rule of Do not skip others in line A small list to remember is much less threatening and less overwhelming and it gets students to be expansive in their thinking Plus it just feels better and is more calming to the overall feel of the classroom Establish Traditions Most of us can recall our favorite family traditions from growing up The feelings associated with these memories give us warm fuzzies Family traditions provide families with regular times to connect and create a unique sense of identity as well as times to Creating and create positive memories This same concept can be transferred into the classroom Creating establishing classroom and establishing classroom traditions can help students become better connected and deepen traditions can help their sense of identity and belonging Some students become better traditions can be done every day starting each day with a two minute meditation or a positive connected and deepen mantra each week having a family meeting or having Flashlight Friday reading under the desk their sense of identity with mini flashlights or monthly the last Friday and belonging of the month is movie day with an educational movie Additionally the class can have a unique tradition when it is someone s birthday to sing a silly or fun song to the birthday boy or birthday girl even for the older students There are two important points to be aware of when establishing classroom traditions First make certain the tradition respects all students at a cultural level Second activities celebrating a tradition should not be used as rewards or punishments Participation is for all students regardless of their behaviors because the goal is to promote connection and create a strong identity for the whole class If Billy has been exceptionally dysregulated during the day telling him he cannot participate in Flashlight Friday due to his negative behavior defeats the purpose of having this tradition If Billy is struggling then adding additional regulatory supports will be needed Perhaps he participates in Flashlight Friday but does it alongside the teacher or teacher s aide having a regulatory adult with him during the activity can help him to have a positive experience despite his dysregulation D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 31

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Recognizing society s traditional holidays in the classroom can also create a sense of tradition for students Selecting holidays that are culturally inclusive such as President s Day Martin Luther King Jr Day July Fourth Halloween and Thanksgiving is important An easier approach might be selecting only the four seasons spring summer fall and winter Recognizing the four seasons can give students a sense of grounding too Post Pictures of Students Upon walking into the typical family home there will be pictures of family members on the walls or the mantel Pictures are a tangible way to say You belong here You are one of us Figure 1 15 is from an elementary school classroom Notice too the Halloween decorations intertwined among the pictures of the students In another elementary classroom the teacher dedicated space at the top of the front wall to recognize the birthdays of each student see Figure 1 16 Figure 1 15 Pictures of students in an elementary school classroom Figure 1 16 The birthday wall recognizing the day the world was blessed with each of the students in the classroom 32 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 Although these strategies are more easily transferred to elementary school classrooms than secondary schools taking a group picture of each class at the middle or high school level can easily be done on a smartphone and then displayed on the wall Every student no matter the age has an inherent need to know that they are a valued part of their classroom Being recognized visually can positively impact a student to feel I belong 2 Teacher Student Relationships One of the most effective strategies to help students find success in all areas of their lives including their academics is to connect with them While great curriculums and interesting lesson plans are vitally important the foundation for all great learning comes through the teacher student relationship If classrooms consisted of only a few students at a time this would be a simple task to accomplish However the reality is that most classrooms are much larger so finding the time to connect with each and every student in an in depth and intimate way is impossible Fortunately there are ways to find meaningful connections with students despite common time and energy obstacles as discussed below Smile and Be Authentic The old education adage Don t smile until December is counterproductive to creating strong relationships with students Not smiling is actually one of the most ineffective ways of maintaining control of the classroom Good behavior from students comes from a teacher s influence and relationship with her students not from the power and control she has with them solely by her role as a teacher In fact great teacher student relationships are critical to effective classroom management When someone smiles they become more inviting and hence more emotionally safe Teachers often spend an amazing amount of energy creating a less stressful classroom by selecting the right chairs paint colors fidgets calming music and so on but they forget one of the easiest cheapest and most engaging strategies of all a smile Smiling reduces stress because it triggers the brain to release neuropeptides that help the cells of our body to relax Smiling also gets the brain to release feel good chemicals neurotransmitters like dopamine endorphins and serotonin involved in calming the nervous system and improving mood which will ultimately give teachers a larger window of stress tolerance with students Some say to fake it until you make it Yet when working with students impacted by trauma this technique is sure to backfire Billy is tuned up and lives in a state of self D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 33

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protection His radar is perpetually activated to feel how others are feeling This sixth sense is overdeveloped in Billy as a way to protect himself never to be taken off guard when danger is about to strike If Billy senses the teacher is getting upset or is unhappy but she has a smile on her face this incongruence makes the teacher more unsafe for Billy The dichotomy of the two will increase his anxiety and put him into a deeper fear state Teachers should smile when it is authentic but if the teacher is not feeling happy she should own her emotional state by saying something like I m a bit dysregulated but you all are safe I m working through it and nobody is in trouble because of my mood The bottom line is that the teacher has to be genuine and authentic otherwise any effort she puts forth to connect will not be effective Welcome Students into the Classroom When students enter the classroom they need to be welcomed every time every day Billy needs to feel included and wanted He typically has a history of feeling rejected unlovable and not good enough Welcoming students making eye contact with them and addressing them by name inherently says We are so glad you are here today and a part of our class family Billy Standing at the door as students come into the classroom see Figure 1 17 also sends this message along with You re so important to me and I ve been anticipating your arrival so here I am to greet you Welcoming students through a trauma informed lens also requires an understanding as to students high sensitivity to physical closeness and contact Certain hand gestures that Figure 1 17 Teacher giving a morning are meant to be friendly could easily be greeting to each of her students interpreted as threatening For example if a teacher raises her hand to high five Billy but Billy was slapped the night before from an angry adult at home or slapped several years ago he will likely be triggered and feel as if he is in danger Trauma from the past continues to keep students in a place of 34 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 interpreting everything from a lens of fear Giving students a choice of how they want to be greeted can prevent this type of reactivity and it also is a way to give back some decision making power to them Figure 1 18 gives two elementary school examples of a good morning or goodbye choice board Figure 1 18 The Morning Greeting The Core Coaches thecorecoaches com Used with permission For middle school and high school classrooms simply standing at the door to welcome students with a warm verbal greeting as they walk in can be hugely effective However this type of one on one connection even though it is brief may stress some students out at first Billy is not used to being noticed except for when he is doing something wrong His internal blueprint tells him that being noticed means he is in trouble He may look down and may not be able to maintain eye contact It will take time but eventually Billy will be able to adjust his interpretation of this welcoming as a positive gesture from his teacher Address Students by Name Addressing a student by name either in class or outside of class acknowledges that the student exists and is an important part of the class and school Using a student s name sends the message that I care about you and I care about your success For instance if a student raises his hand to answer a question calling on the student by name Billy what do you think is profoundly more connecting than just pointing at him and nodding D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 35

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Students who have experienced neglect often have the feeling of being invisible Acting out remedies this feeling quickly If Billy does something against the rules the teacher may say Billy stop that Then Billy no longer feels invisible Whether the attention is negative or positive does not matter it is still attention Initiating connection by using a student s name or nickname the teacher is proactively solving Billy s invisibility issue Dale Carnegie is known to have said A person s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language Saying Hi is very different from saying Hi Billy Likewise calling on students by name is much more engaging Getting to know all the students names can be an overwhelming task at the beginning of the school year for P E teachers and other teachers who have almost all the students in an entire school but Giving students time making it a priority sends a powerful message to share and be heard Individual name pronunciation is also crucial If a teacher calls on a student by is an important part of name but mispronounces it the student will immediately think That s not how you say my getting them prepped name rather than think through the question at hand Resistance automatically builds Be for academic learning sure to ask students the correct pronunciation of their names The act of asking is a great way to show interest in and build trust with students Additionally pronouncing names properly builds a strong culturally inclusive atmosphere in the classroom reinforcing the message I respect your culture and I am taking interest to know more Create Dedicated Connection Times With the overload of academic requirements on a teacher carving out time within the school day to connect with students beyond academics may seem impossible and even unnecessary However the irony is that when time is taken to connect and listen to what is going on in students lives students are more open to academics and more willing to focus on the lessons at hand Giving students time to share and be heard is an important part of getting them prepped for academic learning There are various ways this can be done depending on the classroom grade level the needs of the students and other factors A few examples follow Morning circles There are a variety of names to call these circles listening circles connection circles dialogue circles and of course morning circles Morning circles 36 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 can be scheduled as often as every day or as little as once a week typically on a Monday morning If possible chairs are arranged in a circle where everybody is facing each other allowing all participants in the circle to feel equal Circles are led by the teacher to help transition students into a learning mode and to check in with students on how they are doing emotionally Starting the circle with a mindful moment sets the tone eases the transition into learning mode and settles students A talking stick can be used so that the person with the stick is the only person talking while everyone else is listening These structured circles facilitate a sense of belonging and community They allow students to become more mindful of their emotions and more self aware They build stronger relationships teach better social skills of how to listen and be respectful and they build trust and a sense of safety for all the participants All of these factors then translate to students being able to achieve higher academic success Although not practical for every classroom in middle and high school morning meetings can happen during homeroom or advisory periods if these are a part of the students typical day Closing circles It is easy for classrooms to become chaotic by the end of each school day Teachers feel rushed to finish up the last few items on their list Students are tired often hungry and ready to be done It is also true that the way each day ends sets the tone for how Circles are led by the next day begins Therefore efforts should be made to end the day on a positive note A closing the teacher to help circle brings everyone back together in a mindful transition students into way and helps to end the day with a sense of belonging It is also a way to help students get a learning mode and re regulated and prepped for the transition home Due to Billy s trauma making transitions is to check in with hard Transitions can actually trigger visceral students on how they reactions because of the rise in anxiety and fear So much of trauma happens during transitional are doing emotionally times so the blueprint of change equals pain activates especially at the end of the day when Billy is physically spent and tired Helping students prepare for this transition and bring closure to the end of the day can decrease after school disciplinary issues on the bus and during after school social times It is every teacher s responsibility to help Billy leave the classroom as regulated as possible to give him the ability to make the next environment he enters successful D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 37

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Classroom polling Technology is a way to engage students academically by using game based learning platforms such as Kahoot that allow teachers to do real time quizzes and polling Technology is not only a great academic tool but it can also be used to build community and connection within the classroom especially at the middle and high school levels Getting to know every student in the classroom especially large classrooms is time consuming and unrealistic for teachers With classroom polling teachers can pose fun questions which can be answered anonymously to create safety that help define the class with its likes and dislikes as well as its opinions on particular topics Starting every class with a fun or silly but relevant question that takes only a few minutes can get students connected and ready to learn Examples might include Do you think we will win the homecoming game and What will you be doing over the holiday break This gives every student a chance to have an individual voice while visually seeing how they are a part of the greater whole of their classroom family Figure 1 19 shows the results of a poll given to students regarding the food in the cafeteria 4 2 4 6 Pizza 6 19 What is your favorite lunch in the school cafeteria Hamburgers 39 Tacos Chicken nuggets Hot dogs Sloppy joes Ham cheese sandwich 20 Other Figure 1 19 Poll results on students favorite lunch served in the cafeteria Taking class polls enables the teacher to know her students better For instance she will understand that when the cafeteria is serving ham and cheese sandwiches the 38 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 mood is very likely going to be different before and after lunch than on the days when pizza is being served This is especially true for many children impacted by trauma as food is typically a weighted issue If a student has a history of not getting enough food mealtime is incredibly important so the stakes are high as to whether or not they like the food being served Ask Students What They Need Another resource largely untapped that provides a deeper understanding of our students is the students themselves Some of the best solutions for students who are struggling actually come from asking them the basic question What do you need Classroom polling as described above can help teachers get an idea of what students need in order to make school better Another idea is to distribute I Wish My Teacher Knew Cards see Figure 1 20 with the option for students to include their name or remain anonymous Or as an easy alternative pass out index cards for students to write a response I wish my teacher knew I wish my teacher knew I wish my teacher knew I wish my teacher knew sometimes my reading log is not signed because my mom is not around alot I wish my teacher knew that I am kind of upset because my brother is in jail and I don t want him to get in trouble or die And also that I have anger issues and I feel alone sometimes I wish my teacher knew that my mom left me and my family when I was 8 years old I wish my teacher knew I wish my teacher knew I wish my teacher knew I wish my teacher knew that my dad is a truck driver and I don t get to see him a lot it makes me sad I am lonely sometimes I wish my teacher knew that I be hungry because I don t always have food at home Figure 1 20 Cards that allow students to express what will make school better for them D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 39

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Let Students Get to Know You Students cannot be asked to do something that we are not willing to do ourselves If we want students to be vulnerable and open themselves up to us then we need to do the same for them For our Billys this is typically the only way to get them to start letting go of their self protective walls We have to be open with good boundaries about who we are and allow them to see us as human fallible and with flaws Figure 1 21 shows how a secondary teacher Mr J decorated his desk area to give his students a glimpse into his personality and personal world Figure 1 21 A secondary teacher lets his students get to know him by decorating his desk with items that demonstrate his personal interests and family outside of school Being vulnerable means we have nothing to hide which in turn makes us incredibly safe for Billy there are no surprises lurking in us that might be a threat to him Remember trauma happens by surprise so the less we have to hide and the more real and open we are for Billy within professional boundaries of course the more he has the capacity to build a relationship with us Protect and Respect Their Dignity Students impacted by trauma have an extremely low sense of self In fact many of the Billys in the classroom truly believe they do not even deserve to be on this planet This will make them incredibly sensitive to all the dynamics in the classroom so it will take 40 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 teachers being mindful of this ultra sensitivity It is important for teachers to respect all students but especially those impacted by trauma by listening to them being as patient and understanding as possible reassuring them that all is well and taking their concerns seriously Billy should never be compared to Andy or any other student Moreover Billy should never be ignored when he is vying for attention even if he has been misbehaving to get the teacher s attention nor should the teacher raise her voice in anger or use sarcasm Relate to Students Beyond Academics The traditional classroom is structured in such a way that when students walk in the door they are expected to drop everything and relate to the teacher to the lesson plan and meet the academic expectations Most of all students are expected not to bring their own personal life into the classroom The unspoken rule is to leave it at the door This Our students are model does not work anymore Our students are calling us to be more interactive and relational calling us to be more with them especially our students impacted by trauma The Billys of the classroom do not have interactive and the capacity to get outside of themselves and relational with them jump into the shoes of the teacher Their lives are too overwhelming and all too consuming to especially our students leave everything outside of the classroom This is the nature of survival When students grow impacted by trauma up in dysfunction in environments that do not meet their childhood needs they remain in a place that says It s all about me I come first I need to know I m alright lovable and valuable before I can move out of this perspective and into anyone else s perspective no matter where I am This is not all bad Changing how we relate to the Billys of the classroom is making the world a much more lovable place and it is benefiting everyone It takes more effort yes but it is helping us as a society to connect with each other in a deeper and more meaningful way For teachers this requires finding ways to first relate to Billy prior to expecting Billy to relate to us or our academic lessons Get into Billy s world Teachers can find out what her students enjoy and then either make conversations around these likes or relate examples of particular lessons to these interests Some teachers have described giving an All About Me assignment D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 41

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at the beginning of the year In some cases an assignment like this can be too personal for some of our Billys Asking students impacted by trauma to open up to that level of vulnerability may make it worse for the teacher student relationship Most children s identity comes from their family of origin Billy might be in foster care away from his family or perhaps his mother or father might be in jail Shame and embarrassment of his family could lead him to avoid the assignment and thus earn him a zero from the start of the year Modifying such an assignment to ask lighter questions that are less likely to create negative feelings can still reveal ways for teachers to safely relate Remember what they told you Teachers have so much going on that it is easy for them to forget what every student says and what their interests are However Billy s high sensitivity is going to make sure that what he says is heard Growing up in unhealthy family situations typically puts children in a place where what they say does not matter nor is it taken seriously Hence if you ask how Billy s soccer game went yesterday but the game was the day before Billy might become reactive and retort with a comment like It wasn t yesterday I told you it was the other day You never listen to me While teachers can try to remember details and specifics they will forget something That s Most children s why it is important to remember that if Billy becomes reactive over an error a teacher makes identity comes from his reactivity stems from a much deeper place But with a loving reply from the teacher such their family of origin as Oh you re so right Well how did it go I ve been thinking about you and was hoping it went well Billy s sensitivity will eventually decrease In addition the teacher can guide Billy through his reactivity with some of the components listed in Domain 5 so he can learn how to curb this kind of reactivity in the future Interact with Students Outside of Class We have all had an experience when we were younger of seeing a teacher in the grocery store or another place outside of school At first it felt awkward but then there was this realization Oh she s really just a normal person A barrier is lifted when teachers can connect with students outside of the classroom either on campus or during extracurricular school activities off campus Interact during recess Recess can be one of the best times to connect with students While many teachers may need this downtime away from students going out to 42 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 recess once in a while at random times can do wonders Joining students in their world playtime helps them join the teacher in her world academic time Running around and playing tag with students can give teachers some exercise to get regulated as well It is a wonderful time for teachers to show their students that they enjoy their company Contrary Recess is a wonderful to traditional belief students will have more respect for teachers when the roles reverse once time for teachers to they are back in the classroom and the teacher show their students is once again in charge of them Check in at breakfast Many students go that they enjoy their home every evening to unstable and disruptive family situations When they arrive back at company school the next morning their windows of stress tolerances are small and they are often so dysregulated that it is hard for them to transition into the demands of their academic day If the school provides breakfast carving out the time to check in with students during breakfast can set the tone for a more connected day A simple Hey Billy I m so glad you re here today or How s it going Billy I came down here to check in and say hi can help to shift a student back to a place of learning prior to him entering the classroom Eat lunch with students When teachers pull students out of the cafeteria to have lunch with them in the classroom or another calm environment several positive outcomes can be achieved First it gives the teacher a chance to connect with the students Second it gives the students the opportunity to calm their nervous systems down during the middle of the day instead of going into a loud and socially stressful cafeteria Third if the teacher has several students together for a lunchtime connection it gives her the opportunity to simulate a family meal Many of our students have missed the ritual of having family meals in their homes Family meals teach children the art of communication which includes developing their listening skills improving their patience and ability to take turns and improving their concentration skills During family meals children have a voice and have a time to be heard This builds their self esteem The inherent message is What you have to contribute to the conversation is important therefore you are important and I value and respect you Fourth family meals help children learn how to banter and laugh with each other Many of our Billys take comments from others personally and from a combative framework due to living in a state of survival Having a teacher present can help ease this reactivity and teach Billy how to have playful conversations D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 43

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Connect with students in the bus loading zone Whether before or after school having teachers welcome students to school or say goodbye to them at the end of the day sends a strong message of We care about you It also helps when teachers intervene with students who might be dysregulated prior to them entering school or getting on a school bus This proactive measure may prevent in the moment incidents from happening later Check in with students in the ISS room When students are given time in the in school suspension ISS room they still need the connection of their regular teachers When a teacher stops in and says Hey Billy Just wanted you to know we missed you in class today and can t wait to have you back tomorrow it lessens the shame Billy might It is the time spent experience when he walks back into the class the next day If he knows he is missed and is with students doing welcomed back the re entry is a positive one a something that homecoming of sorts Attend practices events and games everyone is passionate Many of our Billys do not have parents who can or will attend their practices for sports drama about that generates choir band and more nor do their parents attend deeper and warmer their performances events and games Being in the audience and cheering them on can translate relationships into them being more respectful connected and motivated in the classroom While the time commitment for this is more than many teachers can commit to even stopping by for five or ten minutes can have a positive impact Alternatively making sure there is one caring adult in attendance a mentor another adult in the school who has a strong connection with Billy or someone from a community organization like Big Brothers Big Sisters of America can be as effective Lead a club or extracurricular activity Leading a school club or running an extracurricular activity is a great way for teachers to get to know their students on a more personal level It is the time spent with students doing something that everyone is passionate about that generates deeper and warmer relationships A strong association between participation in extracurricular activities and student success has been shown in better attendance higher levels of achievement and aspirations to higher levels of education Although the activity itself may partly influence this success it is highly likely that the relationships built during these activities lead to this success too 1 44 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 All of this translates into students who are more respectful to their teachers students who have something to look forward to at the end of the day and students who have a deeper sense of self because they are engaged in activities that align with their interests and passions Increase Cultural Competence One of the most notable aspects of building a relationship with someone else is having the capacity to put yourself in the other person s shoes This requires knowing the other person s familial blueprint and cultural background Thus it is important for teachers Refugee students will to be culturally competent to know about their students cultures or be willing to expand and greatly benefit from learn about the diverse cultures their students bring into the classrooms trauma informed Culturally inclusive activities and discussions classrooms should be integrated into the class curriculum to expand students understanding of the similarities and differences between cultures Including questions and prompts throughout assignments that both help students discover the world outside of what they know and expand their appreciation for listening and learning from others encourages a strong family system that celebrates diversity Refugee students will greatly benefit from trauma informed classrooms Helping these students assimilate into the classroom is not only about supporting them through all the vast changes they have to make but it is also about preparing the existing students to receive their new classmates Teachers must help the existing students understand the refugee students cultures and make certain there is a welcoming and inclusive energy within the class family for all students joining in from other parts of the world Explaining the differences between immigrants and refugees will assist the existing students in developing an open heart and empathy for their new classmates Barbara Law described it best in her book More Than Just Surviving Handbook ESL for Every Classroom Teacher An immigrant leaves his homeland to find greener grass A refugee leaves his homeland because the grass is burning under his feet 2 When students can expand to understand the challenges their new classmates must overcome even the Billys of the classroom who are also going through their own challenges will be able to relate to and offer them a warm welcome D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 45

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3 Student Student Relationships Most resources on becoming trauma informed focus primarily on teacher student relationships While this is indeed important there is another very powerful relationship focus that has been missed student student relationships The support that a teacher offers a student will always have a dynamic of fear at some level This is because the teacher has a higher hierarchical role over the student as discussed earlier in the Establish and Teach Hierarchy section The trauma impacted student invariably carries the thought somewhere Focusing on developing in the back of his mind that the adult has power over him and power means there is always a emotionally safe and chance that he can get hurt in some way by this positive relationships person This fear never goes away completely Student student relationships however are free within the classroom from this power dynamic Many times it can be Billy s peer who is able to help him far more among students is an than any adult in the entire school Focusing asset that has not been on developing emotionally safe and positive relationships within the classroom among harnessed enough students is an asset that has not been harnessed enough Proactive measures throughout the entire school year to foster healthy student tostudent relationships can decrease behavioral outbursts between students as well as create an environment where students help protect and support one another The following true story is given to demonstrate how incredibly powerful this concept of creating a class family can be to change the dynamics within the classroom A second grade teacher worked the entire year to create a strong sense of family within her classroom All year long she kept this as one of her main focuses and the students developed a tight bond with one another Then at the end of the school year they were getting ready to start their end of the year class party One little girl Billy was extremely stressed out about the school year ending She was more anxious than usual and was finding it hard to stay focused The teacher was on the other side of the room getting ready for the party when she looked over at Billy only to 46 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 notice that Billy was standing there urinating on the floor The teacher immediately started to go into her own rapid fire thoughts of Oh my gosh This is awful Billy is in front of all her peers This is incredibly embarrassing for her this is going to ruin her entire successful school year As the teacher continued her negative internal diatribe another student realized what was happening and immediately took action He grabbed the Mountain Dew that was sitting on the table with all the other sodas and spilled the Mountain Dew at Billy s feet Yes he was covering up for her to make sure she was not going to be made fun of Out of all the sodas he had the wherewithal to pick the Mountain Dew Had this second grade classroom not been bonded and connected like a family where student student relationships were mindfully developed it is highly likely that Billy would have been made fun of and laughed at by her classmates This intense amount of shame could easily have slipped her into an aggressive and violent state to protect her self worth and project her shame onto her classmates Instead the complete opposite happened She was loved and cared for despite one of the potentially most embarrassing moments of her young life Aligning activities both academic and nonacademic to build student student relationships will ensure that students in the classroom feel as if they belong Activities can go far beyond just discussions of being a class family They give the experiential piece that is critical to solidifying this concept The following activities are examples of how to develop and build student student relationships Each teacher depending on the nature of the class curriculum and age of her students will easily find additional ways to help connect students in their classrooms Establish and Enforce a No Bullying Policy In a healthy family system nobody is threatened maliciously picked on or made fun of Bullying creates division and can be life scarring Teachers must endorse and enforce a zero tolerance no bullying policy within their classrooms This starts with the teacher taking a strong and vocal stance to say We are a class family and bullying will not be tolerated Ever Additionally a step by step protocol for students to follow when they need to report bullying incidents should be established and disseminated Merely talking about not partaking in bullying is not enough Students who are bullied as well as bystanders require clarity about what constitutes bullying and what to do when they D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 47

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experience such cruelty The step by step protocol must ensure privacy for each student and the teacher must make and keep a promise that she will never reveal who came forward with the information In a healthy family system some sibling rivalry at the level of light bantering and motivating competition can be a good thing Beyond that it is hurtful divisive and damaging The same is true in a classroom between classmates Monitoring the level and intensity of sibling rivalry among students is the teacher s responsibility She must take swift and decisive action to stop it and address it when it is either reported or when she witnesses it The old adage of Oh kids will be kids is no longer acceptable There is too much at stake to ignore it especially with students impacted by trauma They have already been emotionally hurt so any type of bullying is going to magnify their reactivity to it Thus the goal is to create a supportive peer culture within the classroom It is worth noting that Billy will often be overly sensitive to interactions that would not supportive peer culture normally constitute bullying Perhaps another student merely looks at Billy with a slightly within the classroom disdained look whether intentional or not and Billy rebuts with a verbal assault onto the student Due to Billy s high sensitivity to rejection the teacher must intervene with Billy as if it were a real bullying incident because in Billy s mind it is real This does not mean that the other student is in trouble It means that the teacher needs to connect with Billy instead of saying something to minimize his reaction such as Billy you re just overreacting I saw what happened and it was nothing Settle down Instead it is essential to connect with Billy s perception first and help him process his reactivity He will not let it go on his own it will only fester and build Connecting with him in his reality will help prevent the situation from escalating later in the class or outside of the classroom The goal is to create a Create an Inclusive and Judgment Free Environment Along with endorsing and enforcing a no bullying policy for extreme behaviors there should also be intentional care to create an environment for all other behaviors and interactions between students to be free of judgment where children are taught to be tolerant and accepting of one another as in a healthy family Differences are celebrated and students are encouraged to define their own identities There is no room for prejudice or racist remarks Students are free from the fear of being stigmatized and 48 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 ostracized There is no tolerance for prejudice toward students based on racial or cultural background physical characteristics behavior issues sexual orientation or academic artistic or athletic competence Students impacted by trauma have such a deep blueprint of rejection that they can quickly react verbally or physically when they feel as if they are being judged or criticized Creating a judgment free zone in the classroom is paramount to curbing outbursts On the flip side many students fear of rejection shuts them down to the point that they will not participate in class discussions either When teachers can set the tone in the classroom to let students know that there is no such thing as a stupid question it lessens the fear of speaking up Additionally teachers must ensure that other students do not make fun of their peers for not knowing an answer or giving an answer that is off base from the correct answer Swift action from the teacher to stop such behavior is required while reminding students that the class is family where everyone is treated with respect and dignity Continual reminders need to be given that We are a family We support each other and take care of one another The actions taken in the classroom are to help each and every student have a sense of connection The message is You belong and are a part of us instead of You are not one of us The following examples are ways to build cultivate and reinforce this You belong culture within the classroom Call out prejudicial talk Call out coded language related to racism or judgment Celebrate diversity I love hearing all the different perspectives Swiftly stop put downs shaming or other critical comments Foster mutual respect Let s all listen so Billy feels important Create Intentional Student Student Relationship Building Activities School is a highly social environment no matter the grade level Social interactions are organically developed during nonacademic times such as on the bus before school in the halls at lunch and after school When teachers can also include student student relationship building activities into the classroom it is a win win for everybody Teachers will have more control over stopping the negative social undercurrents that find their way into the classroom and affect how students treat each other When teachers influence these social connections students can experience relationships that are more positive and emotionally safe While this may seem like one more task to burden a teacher whose time D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 49

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is already severely limited taking a few moments to incorporate building student student relationships into the curriculum can add to the positive energy and emotional safety within the classroom which will decrease academic stress and increase academic success Shout outs and acknowledgments It is one thing for a teacher to tell a student You re doing a great job but it is far more powerful when a student says this to another student Throughout the day or within a class period a teacher can take sixty seconds to ask students to identify someone who is doing a good job or working hard to solve a challenging problem This helps the class focus on the positive as well as build admiration among peers Teachers can also get students to clap it up for another student when the student answers a question or makes a positive contribution to the class discussion Positive adjectives One teacher took a sheet of paper for each student and wrote We are thankful for ________ with the name of each student on the blank line Each student took his or her sheet of paper and had classmates support this statement with adjectives of appreciation The pictures in Figure 1 22 are examples of such an exercise Group salutes A group salute is a teacher prompted interaction that is used when students are doing group work Before starting work in a group or once the activity is Figure 1 22 Students supportive statements of a fellow classmate 50 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 complete the teacher prompts her students to do either a physical gesture like a high five or a social gesture such as an expression of gratitude to their group members This type of group connection was researched among professional basketball teams and showed that teams whose players touch the most high fives fist bumps etc early in the season had the best records later in the season Figure 1 23 shows two students doing a mind body exercise together with them high fiving each other at the end Figure 1 23 Students engaging in a mind body exercise and ending it with a teacher prompted high five Use Relationship Based Language to Identify Classmates Building camaraderie in the classroom can be done by choosing relationship based language For instance when the teacher wants the students to discuss a question related to a discussion if she says Turn to the person next to you this does not induce a warm connection Using the identifying words of the person misses the opportunity to connect students with each other It is more like Turn to the stranger next to you Instead the following is a list of more inclusive language that can foster greater connectivity between students Check in with the friend next to you Turn and talk to your neighbor Discuss your ideas with your table partner Work on these three questions with your shoulder partner D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 51

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Distinguish Between Laughter with and Laughter at There is a huge difference between laughing at someone versus laughing with someone Students impacted by trauma will automatically default to thinking a classmate is laughing at them instead of being able to playfully understand when a classmate is laughing along with them Trauma often moves children to have a paranoid outlook toward others They assume everyone is against them It is one of the fallouts from viewing the world through a fear based lens Yet humor plays an incredibly powerful role in what bonds families and siblings together Humor fosters community and it positively impacts a classroom In fact a classroom without humor is sure to fall prey to high levels of stress and overwhelm Helping the Billys of the classroom learn how to laugh at circumstances how to banter with each other and how to ultimately laugh at themselves is key Many conflicts between students derive from Billy s lack of ability to laugh off jokes or to recognize when a classmate is including him in a joke from a friendly perspective rather than a critical angle For instance Andy starts laughing and says Did you see Billy last period He had it going Billy automatically assumes There is no specific Andy is throwing shade on him criticizing worksheet or technique him rather than understanding that Andy was giving him a compliment Billy stands up with to teach students how a defensive posture ready to fight Andy The typical response from a teacher is likely to be to learn to laugh Billy sit down You always overreact Andy was actually complimenting you Give it a rest Now we have a situation where Billy has two people to defend against the teacher and Andy Instead the teacher needs to recognize that students impacted by trauma find it hard to laugh and banter This takes self confidence internal security and an outlook free of fear In this example the teacher could first acknowledge Billy s hyper aroused state and take ownership of the next steps I ve got this Billy I ll be over there in just a second Class I need you to finish the questions on page fifteen Then she can head over to Billy s desk and check in with him Andy s comment isn t feeling good is it The conversation could ensue to validate Billy s feelings in his interpretation but once he is regulated the teacher can help him see how Andy was actually admiring him with the comment There is no specific worksheet or technique to teach students how to learn to laugh It takes addressing moments where Billy misinterprets as in this example and a continual building of a safe and loving family classroom environment 52 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 Additionally laughter should never be allowed in the classroom to degrade or demean another student For instance it was reported in one school that a Billy was having difficulties following a teacher s directive to close his laptop Billy finally complied but when he closed his laptop he also growled in frustration The other students noticed his struggle along with his growl and snickered at him Instead of the teacher being glad that the student complied her focus should have immediately shifted to the snickering Never is it appropriate to tolerate this type of mean spirited laughter from classmates toward another student No longer was this situation about the defiant student Setting a strong boundary for not allowing students to laugh at other students is essential to the coherence and building of a strong classroom family Model Nonjudgmental Behavior The teacher sets the tone for the entire class family Her ability to avoid using humiliation sarcasm ridicule anger impatience or shame is critical This will require the teacher to work on her own regulation throughout each day With a classroom full of Billys it is easy to run low on patience and respond to students in a sarcastic and ridiculing tone For example Billy Jones finally puts his phone away and the teacher says Nice of you to join us Mr Jones Being mindful ensures that comments like these do not slip off the tongue The teacher always models what it means to be in a classroom that is nonjudgmental and emotionally safe 4 Teacher Parent Relationships The most amount of time children spend in their lives is in two places home and school When these two environments are disconnected children are also more disconnected But when these two worlds can come together and present a united front children thrive When these two environments are well connected it means children move back and forth with more fluidity and consistency The merging of their two biggest worlds gives them a sense of stability and predictability that sets them up for success happiness and growth It is typically easier for the parents of our Andys to become involved in their child s education They have fewer barriers and there is less fear They themselves typically have a good blueprint of when they were in school Plus they have a better understanding of the significance of being involved in their child s school experience They understand the message this sends to their children being that I care I care about your success and I m here to support you you re not alone in this Andy s parents have a positive generational D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 53

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experience to support them so it makes it much easier to become directly involved in their child s education The same is not true for the many parents of our Billys They themselves were Billys while in school as a result many of them experienced an educational system that was void of understanding but plentiful of punishment and judgment Consequently many of our Billys parents have a negative and sometimes angry and resentful attitude toward school Their own experiences absent of love and acceptance left a deep seated level of distrust There are a many other reasons that parents do not get involved with their child s education Some feel unwelcomed as if they are outsiders The educational world is one they do not understand Some are embarrassed or feel threatened by their own lack of higher education Their discomfort may stem from language barriers and other It is well documented cultural differences For others their lack of involvement comes down to time and financial that when parents are constraints Parents who work nights can find it hard to attend open houses and parent teacher involved with their conferences Other parents receive nothing but negative reports from the school regarding their children s education children Thus they see no reason to visit the their children are more school in person to hear the same bad news and be reminded of their child s poor academic likely to be successful standing The bottom line is that the unknown and unfamiliar situations are hard for all of us in school A trauma informed approach recognizes that it is time now to break the cycle for these parents It is well documented that when parents are involved with their children s education their children are more likely to be successful in school 3 The teachers of today may not have been the ones who created this negative blueprint for parents but it has been handed down to them nonetheless Teachers will most likely start off with a huge disconnect with many of our Billys parents It will take perseverance tenacity unconditional acceptance and open and loving invitations to break down these walls but we owe it to the Billys of our classrooms to take this action The starting point to accomplish this goes back to the basics of the trauma informed movement it starts with relationships Just like when students feel better connected and 54 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 are more likely to respond positively the same holds true for parents When parents feel connected accepted understood and welcomed they too are more likely to connect respond and be involved Take Initiative to Build the Teacher Parent Relationship To reiterate one of the best predictors of a child s academic success is parent involvement and engagement Parent engagement increases attendance improves classroom test scores and grades and improves graduation rates 4 Thus a trauma informed classroom needs to not only focus on teacher student relationships but also on teacher parent relationships Building the teacher parent relationship is the first step to getting parents involved in their child s classroom especially for those parents who would typically shy away from school When parents feel involvement These are usually the parents who only receive negative notes about their children proud instead as a result they can easily feel judged inadequate of ashamed or and put off by educational institutions Sending positive notes home about Billy can begin to break embarrassed they the ice with parents When parents feel proud instead of ashamed or embarrassed they are are much more likely much more likely to connect with their child s to connect with their teacher Teachers can also openly reach out and invite child s teacher parents to participate It cannot be assumed that parents know they are invited Teachers can create a list of the opportunities for involvement and allow parents to choose which best fits their schedule comfort level and strengths In addition teachers can invite parents to share their culture if different through foods stories or the like There is always a way to break through any barriers that might be in the way of getting parents involved Use Various Communication Channels with Parents While many schools are already embracing technology as a means to communicate with parents teachers can be proactive and ask parents which means of communication is best for them Not all parents may have access to a computer so sometimes it takes offering what might seem an old means of communicating like notes and letters Accessing school portals may be too overwhelming for some parents Having the gamut of D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 55

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communication channels open to them can ease any resistance Apps such as ClassDojo Remind and Class Tag can help those parents who are already in the habit of using technology to communicate Also some parents drop off and pick up their children at school each day Connecting with these parents in the pickup line is a great place to meet with them face to face Respond Promptly Because many of our students parents were Billys themselves during their academic experiences it is highly likely that they too have rejection and abandonment issues When a parent has the courage to reach out to connect the teacher should respond as promptly as possible Adult children of trauma can still easily get triggered when they do not Sometimes even the get responses quickly Feelings of being rejected invisible and such are still potent and easily best efforts made by ignited a teacher to reach out Sherrie Eldridge an award winning author and adoptee herself has talked about how as an to parents will be met adult she still finds this to be an issue Sherrie was adopted as a baby which created a deep with resistance sense of loss and rejection within her to lose contact with her first human connection Even decades later when she writes an email and does not get a prompt response back Sherrie says she still experiences a visceral reaction that stems from her old blueprint of rejection and abandonment Having a strong sensitivity to these issues when communicating with parents is vital in helping to break down the barriers Explain Education Processes The required educational mandates of the educational world are vast and complex to many parents It is a world that can be hard to navigate and understand especially for parents who did not complete high school or higher education Offering to explain to parents the protocols policies and procedures without assuming they are already familiar with them can provide the clarification they are seeking Some districts have parent advocates as well as community agencies that provide such services Getting parents connected to these resources either directly through the teacher or a school social worker empowers parents who feel lost and intimidated 56 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 Explain Acronyms The number of acronyms used by educational institutions is extensive and foreign to most parents To make matters worse districts around the country use different terminology and different acronyms If a parent moves from one district to another that which was familiar is no longer The following note was sent to a parent from her child s school Because of the parent s lack of understanding of the required testing along with the language of acronyms she could not decipher the meaning If he s taking the KAP through KVS an email will be sent to me by his SLP If you need more information call the ESC Using school acronyms without explaining their meaning is a sure way to alienate parents Acronyms need to be fully explained so that parents do not feel lost and unwelcomed Refer to the School Social Worker When Needed Sometimes even the best efforts made by a teacher to reach out to parents will be met with resistance Bringing in the assistance of a school social worker or someone with the capacity to do home visits should be considered if connecting with a student s parents is necessary Meeting parents in the safety of their home can help give them a sense of power and control The purpose of home visits is not to discuss a child s poor academic performance or behavioral concerns Rather it provides an opportunity to listen to the parents get to know them understand their culture if it differs from the mainstream students culture build trust and support the family Doing multiple visits with parents can then lead to them more easily coming to the school and being an active part of their child s education Please note The discussion in this component on developing strong teacher parent relationships only touches the surface of this very important topic It is recommended to read Authentically Engaged Families A Collaborative Care Framework for Student Success by Calvalyn G Day for more information on how to successfully develop these relationships D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 57

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EXERCISE Getting into the Shoes of Billy Reflective Questions 1 Family Culture Do I feel like I belong Do I want to be in this classroom or leave Am I valued and appreciated Do I feel emotionally safe in this classroom Is my teacher authentic and genuine or is she just going through the motions because someone told her to be trauma informed Am I watching the clock just waiting for the bell to ring so I can go to my next class 2 Teacher Student Relationships Do I feel safe enough to ask a question regarding the assignment content Do I feel comfortable approaching my teacher on a personal issue Does my teacher authentically care about me Does my teacher know anything about me Do I know anything about my teacher 3 Student Student Relationships Do I feel connected to my classmates or do I feel like an outsider Do my classmates include me in group work Do my classmates notice when I m disconnected Do they initiate connection to include me 58 C L A S S R O O M18 0

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DOM A IN 1 Do my classmates appreciate my uniqueness or do they see me as a weirdo Do I have to pretend to be somebody I m not just to fit in If I wasn t here would anyone miss me 4 Teacher Parent Relationships Do my two worlds of home and school feel completely opposite and unrelated Does my teacher view my parent s with respect Does my teacher only send negative messages home to my parent s Things are beautiful if you love them JE A N A NOUILH D O M A I N 1 R E L A T I O N S H I P S A N D F A M I LY C U L T U R E 59