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Beyond Sticks and Stones: AResource Guide to Help SafeAdults Understand Bullyingmarysplacega.org

What is Bullying?Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived powerimbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include:An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength,access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others.Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if theyinvolve the same people.Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential tohappen more than once.Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attackingsomeone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.Had the ability to influence other students’ perception of them (56%).Had more social influence (50%).Were physically stronger or larger (40%).Had more money (31%).Hallway or stairwell (43.4%)Classroom (42.1%)Cafeteria (26.8%)Outside on school grounds (21.9%)Online or text (15.3%)Bathroom or locker room (12.1%)Somewhere else in the school building (2.1%)Approximately 46% of students ages 12-18 who were bullied during the schoolyear notified an adult at school about the bullying.Research indicates that persistent bullying can lead to or worsen feelings ofisolation, rejection, exclusion, and despair, as well as depression and anxiety,which can contribute to suicidal behavior.The vast majority of young people who are bullied do not become suicidal.Most young people who die by suicide have multiple risk factors.How Common Is Bullying About 20% of students ages 12-18 experienced bullying nationwide.Students ages 12–18 who reported being bullied said they thought those whobullied them:The following percentages of students ages 12-18 had experienced bullying invarious places at school:

TeasingName-callingInappropriate sexual commentsTauntingThreatening to cause harmLeaving someone out on purposeTelling other children not to be friends with someoneSpreading rumors about someoneEmbarrassing someone in publicHitting/kicking/pinchingSpittingTripping/pushingTaking or breaking someone’s thingsMaking mean or rude hand gesturesPosting mean or untrue things on social media sitesMaking a fake profile using the screen name of their target to post inappropriateor rude remarks on other people’s pagesSharing personal information about a person on a public website that couldcause them to feel unsafePhysically bullying someone in school and getting someone else to record it sothat it can be watched and passed around laterCalling someone sexually explicit and derogatory namesForwarding sexually explicit text messages and inappropriate pictures via text ore-mailGrabbing someone’s clothing or brushing up against them in a purposefullysexual wayImpersonating other people online and making sexual comments or offers ontheir behalfMaking comments about someone’s sexual preference or sexual activityMaking sexual jokes, comments, or gestures to or about someonePosting sexual comments, pictures, or videos on social media sites Sending sexually explicit text messages and pictures via text message and/orpressuring someone to participate in sexting to show commitment or loveSpreading sexual rumors or gossip in person, by text, or onlineTouching, grabbing or pinching someone in a deliberately sexual wayTypes of Bullying There are five types of bullying:Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. Verbal bullying includes:Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurtingsomeone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions. Physical bullyingincludes:Cyberbullying is the act of intentionally and consistently mistreating or harassingsomeone through the use of electronic devices or other forms of electroniccommunication (like social media and gaming platforms). Cyberbullying includes:Sexual bullying is a form of bullying that occurs when an individual or a group ofindividuals harass others through comments and actions that are sexual. Sexualbullying includes:

Six Actions ALL Safe Adults Can Take to Help EliminateBullyingKeep the lines of communication open: Spend time each day asking open-ended questions about their lives, their friends, their concerns, and theiractivities.Help children understand bullying: Talk about what bullying is and how to standup to it safely. Make sure they know how to get help and that reporting unsafesituations is not "snitching."Model how to treat others: Be the example of how to treat others with kindnessand respect. Even if it seems like they are not paying attention, kids arewatching how adults manage stress and conflict, as well as how they treat theirfriends, colleagues, and families. Learn the signs: Most children don't tell anyone that they've been bullied.Therefore, adults need to learn to recognize possible signs of being targeted,such as frequent loss or destruction of personal belongings, complaints ofheadaches or stomachaches, unexplainable injuries, changes in eating habits,sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations, and declining grades,loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school.Talk about how to stand up to bullies: Give tips, like using humor and saying“stop” directly and confidently. Talk about what to do if those actions don’twork, like walking awayHelp children find healthy ways to resolve conflict: A child who struggles tocope with frustration is likely to project that frustration onto a friend. A childwho has difficulty finding solutions to friendship problems might feel hopelesswhen an argument occurs. A child who doesn’t know how to verbalize hisfeelings will likely freeze up and shut down when conflict occurs.1.2.3.4.5.6.How to Tell an AdultShare the handout/posterTalk through some of the concerns they may have about telling an adult (aslisted under #1)Ask them if there are other questionsProvide ideas about who they can tell (as listed under #2)Identify what they are comfortable saying (as listed under #3)Ask if they have other ideasRemind them that it’s important to tell an adult about bullying and it’s the rightthing to doWhen youth see bullying or are being bullied, they are often given the advice, “Tellan adult.” That is great advice, but how do kids do that? You can help them! Here’show:

• Will anything change if I tell?• Would I be a tattletale?• I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.Know that bullying is a big deal and you have the right to speak up and be heard. • Parent • Family member • Teacher • Counselor • Coach • MentorIf things don’t change or you need more help, trytalking to another adult you trust. “I think someone might be bullying me or someone I know, will you help me?”“I want to tell you about something that happened, can we talk more?”“Somebody did something that made me feel "• Sad • Hurt • Embarrassed • Worried • Mad • Scared 1 3 WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU MAY BE THINKING 2 WHO SHOULD YOU TALK TO?Kids are told that if they see bullying or are being bullied, they should tell an adult. That is great advice! But how do you do that? It can be hard to tell an adult about something emotional or serious. You may want toshare what’s happening and how you’re feeling all at once, or you may need more time. Know that your feelings are important and that it’s your story to tell.HOW TO TELL AN ADULTIf you or someone else is being bullied©2020, PACER Center. All rights reserved.

What to Do When Bullying OccursManage your own feelings first. Stay calm, and assure the child thatyou will see to their protection and safety. If they are the target of, orwitness to, the bullying, assure them it is not their fault. Take bullying seriously. Make sure your kids understand that you willnot tolerate bullying at home or anywhere else. Set rules aboutbullying and stick to them.If cyberbullying is involved, collect data and take screenshots of alloffending screens, and then help your child block the offender. Reportcyberbullying to the media platform.Support and empower your child. After hearing your child’s story,empower them to create an action plan to help stop the bullying. Talkwith your child about ways you can support them as well asintervention strategies they can use, such as working with the schoolor advocating on their own. Creating a plan that works with yourchild’s strengths and abilities can help build self-confidence andresilience.Learn your rights. Check your state’s legislation on bullying. Eachstate has different laws and policies on bullying, along withrequirements on how schools should respond. 1.2.3.4.5.Teens who experience or witness bullying are often told to “tell an adult.” While that isvery important to do, not all advice will be helpful. These real-life scenarios will help youunderstand those times when you should talk with another adult.“Just get along.”Telling us to just be nice and stop bullying may work for some teens, but forthe ones who really need the message, it’s just not that simple. Kids bully forlots of reasons; some do it to feel powerful, others because they are beingbullied. This isn’t just a one-solution problem.“Just ignore them?”Adults tell us that all the time. Do your problems go away by ignoringthem? Your annoying boss? Bills? I wish I could ignore my homeworkand it would just go away. Enough said. Don’t shut me out. I need yourhelp.“Tell them how you feel.”Don’t ask me to tell the bully how I feel. Are you kidding!? If a guy istrying to make me feel bad, wouldn’t that just let him know he’swon?“It’s part of growing up.”When I talk with you about bullying, it doesn’t help when you tellme that I will grow out of this…that it happens to everyone…that itwouldn’t happen if I just stood up for myself. I’m telling you becauseI can’t handle this by myself.“Ignore them, they’ll stop.”© 2019 PACER Center, Inc. All rights reserved. | 8161 Normandale Blvd | Minneapolis, MN 55437 952.838.9000 | PACERTeensAgainstBullying.org | bullying411@PACER.orgTeensAgainstBullying.org is a website developed by PACER’s National Bullying Prevention CenterBULLYINGAdvice Gone WrongAGAINSTPA C ER CE NT ER’ STEENS

Step 1:NextstepsStep 2:Add your responses in the boxesbelowStep 3:Who isinvolved?☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ ☐ Think about the bullying youhave experienced, seen, or evendone yourself. Describe thesituation, including where ithappened, who was involved,what happened, and how it madeyou feel.Next, think about the stepsneeded to make those changeshappen. Consider what roleyou need to take, who wouldneed to be involved, and whatthey would need to do.My Personal Plan to Take Action AgainstBullyingDescribe your experienceReflect on your ideasAVDevelop potential solutions© 2020, 2016, 2014, PACER Center, Inc. | ACTion Sheet: BP-25 |PACER.org/Bullying4Then consider how thatsituation could be different.Include what you would like tosee happen, what things couldchange, and what would helpyou feel more in control of thesituation.

I N T E R P E R S O N A LV I O L E N C E I S 1 0 0 %P R E V E N T A B L E W H E NT H E C O M M U N I T YC.A.R.E.S.Our mission:Our mission: T O P R O V I D E R E S O U R C E S A N DA D V O C A C Y T O S U R V I V O R SO F S E X U A L A S S A U L T A N DP R E V E N T I O N E D U C A T I O N T OY O U T H A N D A D U L T S .