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BelowTheSurfaceA M E M O I RB Y G L O R I A L A W R E N C E

MY HOPESFOR THIS MEMOIRC H A P T E R 1BELOW THE SURFACE |  1At the eve of my 27th birthday, as I reflect onall that I’ve achieved and all that I want toachieve, I’ve started to take a deeper,introspective look at my life and how it affectsthe way I feel and the way I navigate the worldaround me. This is the book I wish I had at 17. This book ismeant to give my family, friends, communitypartners, and mentees a holistic case study ofresilience, that will hopefully encourage othermoms to walk in their purpose- by taking a lookbelow the surface and leveraging informationabout who they are and what they’ve beenthrough, to make an intentional effort todetermine who they become. Additionally, I hope that this book reminds ourcommunity allies that we are worth investing in.This book is a book in progress. God willing,there will be a decade-by-decade series as Ireflect on all of the ups and downs of my life (areflection of my 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, and so on…). Mylife is still unfolding, but I’ve never been one towait until the end to make my voice heard. Why 27? I believe that in stopping at the 7 yearmark, I am giving myself 3 years to useintrospection to reflect on where I’ve been andwhere I want to go by the time I am 30. it seems kind of silly to write a memoir.AT 27 YEA RS OLD ,

WHO I AMA SURFACE LEVEL OVERVIEWC H A P T E R 2BELOW THE SURFACE |  2I’m the founder of Esi’s House of Hope, aprogram in Baltimore City that provides acombination of housing, mental healthsupport, and career pathways coaching foryoung moms who would like to achieve careergoals. Back Story: At the age of 17, I already had ayear of college under my belt and had achievedadmission to George Washington University. Iexcelled academically during my freshman year,but encountered a setback when my FAFSAapplication, based on my families' financialinformation, was audited midway through thesemester.This led to me being denied financial aid, leavingme with a $40,000 collection on my creditreport, as GWU is an expensive privateuniversity. In the midst of my expulsion, Ibecame pregnant, and by 19 I was a teenagemother living in poverty, trying to find my firstapartment, surviving on SNAP and WIC, andstruggling to find educational opportunitieswithout financial aid. Determined to improve opportunities for mybaby, Aaron, I took on two full-time jobs, saving$20,000, part of which I used to repair mycredit and the rest, financial advisory services. I'm known by my nickname, Gigi.FOR TH OSE WH O D ON’ T K NOW ME, MYNAM E I S G LOR IA LAW REN CE.

BELOW THE SURFACE |  3However, my trust was exploited by a financialadvisor who scammed me out of over $30,000in total, leaving me in a dire situation.Despite the scam, I persevered, took legalaction, reclaimed my funds, and used them topurchase a home (with my now husbandAntoine) in a safe neighborhood for my son. Iwas given a 2nd chance by a local communitycollege and then went on with my husband toreceive my bachelors degree in businessadministration at a local HBCU, Morgan StateUniversity, while also seeking ways to assistgirls facing similar challenges.With guidance from my mentor, who foundedCRAM Inc., a nonprofit for supporting ex-offenders and housing veterans, I founded myown nonprofit. My first project was a grant-funded joint venture with my mentor, offeringfree financial literacy classes and stipends tohelp individuals regain their footing. My mentor also conducted in-person nonprofitand funding development startup classes, andsimply by my presence and involvement, Inaturally evolved into an instructor myself.These in-person trainings transitioned to aFacebook group, which gained traction duringCOVID-19.While my mentor became busier with therelease of minor offenders due to the pandemic,I independently expanded my offerings basedon the group's growing interest. This gave riseto my consulting business, Nonprofit ForNewbies, which experienced rapid success. Within six months I was able to leave my job,and notably achieve six-figure earnings in2022, and over 20,000 subscribers across allsocial medias in 2023 .

BELOW THE SURFACE |  4 With my consulting business thriving, I give back to my community through my latest project, Esi’sHouse of Hope, a dream I nurtured for five years.Despite a very busy schedule, I also decided to pursue internships while pursuing my bachelor’sdegree in business administration. I received an opportunity to intern in management and governanceat Maryland Association for Nonprofits, which upon college graduation, led to me becoming a licensedconsultant with the agency’s Nonprofit Standards for Excellence program. This also resulted in me receiving an offer to contribute my programmatic knowledge as a programassociate for Hoffberger Family Philanthropies, a Jewish grant making foundation that prioritizesworkforce development, economic mobility, and children’s mental health and trauma.“To whom much is given, much will be required” Luke 12:48

PURPOSEWHY I’M REFLECTINGC H A P T E R 3BELOW THE SURFACE |  5As a new program associate, I was nervousabout being in an industry where only 4.6% ofFoundation staff members are black women,and even less are under age 30. My directorgave me an opportunity early on in my newcareer to attend a large conference thatfocused heavily on “trust-based philanthropy”and lean philanthropy (noting that I work at alean Foundation that has a lean staff of two-myself and the ED). While I was at this conference, I started to getexcited. Though the conference was mostlywhite grant makers, the conference kicked offwith a black woman speaking about her FamilyFoundation and sharing the statistics about thelack of staffing diversity. They also prioritized aBIPOC space that was led by BIPOC boardmembers. Trust-based philanthropy, in its simplest terms, is away of grant making that focuses on building trustand working together. Instead of making nonprofitsfill out lots of paperwork or follow strict rules, fundersgive them the freedom to decide how to use the moneyin the best way for their communities. It’s aboutfunders trusting nonprofits to know what’s needed,listening to their ideas, and sharing power instead ofcontrolling everything, and it’s meant to makegrantmaking more fair and respectful.I was having a conversation with a funder whowas asking me about MY experience, as theypondered giving 5 million dollars to agrassroots organization that I worked closelywith in my community. I had never experiencedthis type of exposure before.

My amazing ED had already spearheaded the idea of trust-basedphilanthropy within our foundation, and our trustees were on boardwith giving unrestricted funding and prioritizing funding for black-led organizations. No sooner did I text my ED and thank her for thisopportunity, did I experience my first bit of racism.At the lunch plenary, to put it frankly, a guest speaker came on thestage and gave his thoughts on our recent presidential election (stilla sensitive topic for many) and an explanation that was verydismissive and unthoughtful, leaving funders with the lingeringmessage that “we will all survive”. This message disregarded theprivilege in that statement, and the impact the election results mayhave on black communities (namely, police immunity, DEI, andwhite nationalism) and immigrant communities- the communities that funders claim to care so much about. Some black and brown people walked out of the room, while othersjust looked in disbelief as their “friends” shook their heads inagreement with this speaker. A few hours later, eyes were filled with tears as the BIPOCcommunity came into the safe space we had, and expressed ourconcerns with the idea that the people we called our friends werenot truly our allies, and that when it mattered the most, they did notspeak up for us.At the end of this conversation, someone made a statement thatreally impacted me. She said, as black funders, we must recognize our priveledge andthat it is our responsibility, when we go home, to educate ourcolleagues and represent our communities in the best way we can. At that moment I was shocked, because I never considered myselfas a person that had that type of privilege. I began to toggle with myidentity as someone who “has made it” in the eyes of other youngmoms, but “is a young girl” who doesn’t have as much to offer inrooms with those much older and credentialed than me.I also began to look introspectively at my life and the manyidentities and perspectives that I hold.BELOW THE SURFACE |  6PURPOSECONTINUED

BELOW THE SURFACE |  7Going Below the Surface: Unpacking the multiple layers of my lifeC H A P T E R 4ESI’S HOUSEWHY IT WAS FOUNDEDIn order to understand how I got where I am, Ihad to go back and relive the story of my life as Iremember. In telling my story, I’m expressingvulnerability that feels a little uncomfortable,but that is an important expression of how I seethe world around me. As a leader, I’mresponsible for unfolding these layers, andunderstanding how it affects the way I show upfor those around me. I hope my vulnerabilityencourages others to be vulnerable as well.I also recognize that every story I tell is from myperspective, and my perspective is my reality.Much of the multiple layers under the surfaceare from the perspective of my childhood, andchildren often have a limited view of therealities and complexities of a situation, but achild’s perspective does matter. Because I am someone who advocates forparents, especially moms, and understandsdeeply the affect that parents have on theirchildren, I will unpack my relationship with myparents and how it helped me become who I amtoday. Parents play a critical role in shaping the waywe show up in the world- influencing ourvalues, behaviors, and how we engage withothers. The way a child is raised, the dynamicswithin the household, and the guidance theyreceive can significantly impact their self-esteem, interpersonal relationships, and howthey perceive and respond to challenges inadulthood. I have three “fathers”. Yes, three.And I want to take some time to explain thethree different dynamics and how they’ve ledme to who I am today.

BELOW THE SURFACE |  8C H A P T E R 5DADLAYER ONEToday we will not save the best for last. I wantto start with my relationship with my dad…mymom’s husband, Jameson, who I met at the ageof 5. I don’t need to spend much time on thisbecause, this is the layer of me that everyonesees. My parents supported me in every waythey knew how. They invested in me from anearly age, giving me exposure throughtraveling, summer programs, and prioritizingmy education. By the time I was 16, my fatherhad adopted me, and we lived in a quiet,suburban neighborhood. No parent is perfect, Iknow they faced their own struggles. Theyfaced adversity as first generation collegegraduates and one of the few young, blackupper-middle income families in Harrisburg,Pennsylvania. They were often navigating aworld where the rules are unfair for blackbusiness owners. My father was an attorney and investmentbanker and my mom was a serial entrepreneur. They had an office in Baltimore and Harrisburg.Often times they weren’t home, and Iremember spending most weekends with mygreat grandmother Lois and my older sisterDavina. I often felt bad about this, but as Ibecame a parent myself, I understood thecomplexities of relationship building whenpursuing a career. Often times, I have to prioritize “being in theroom” with being present for my son. My momand dad are my heros, and the reason I want tobecome a 2nd generation University ofBaltimore law student.

BELOW THE SURFACE |  9C H A P T E R 6FATHERLAYER TWOI was always under the impression that Williamwas my biological father. I didn’t find out hewasn’t my father until I was around 14. As achild, he told me I was his child, and nevertreated me any different. I was the oldest andhim and my mom got married and had 2younger children after me. While I loved him,my early childhood was filled with pain as hephysically abused my mom. There is very littlewords to express the complexity of being achild with a mom who’s experienced domesticviolence and a dad who always loved them. To cope with this trauma, I would experiencedissociation, and have little to no memory of mychildhood. Most of the trauma I experienced, Idid not remember until reminded, and itexplained some of the behavioral issues that Ihad. My earliest memory of him was him leavinghome, and then being in jail for not paying childsupport. REFLECTION:I never unpacked this experience, but it came up whenI thought of my passion for the balance between awoman who is trying to make a life for her child andhas limited support, versus a man who is “incapable”of being a provider in the moment and advocating forhis rights.I recently realized the impact this experience hadwhen I listened to a grantee talk about the policiesthey were advocating for. While I believed in criminaljustice reform, I wondered to myself, when weadvocate for criminal justice issues that majorlyimpact black men, are we equally advocating for thepeople outside of those jails who are focused onmaking a way for that child? While there aregovernment benefits like SNAP, WIC, and section 8,those are only meant to be a stepping stone. If awoman is really focused on making a way for herchild- that woman may not be in poverty or qualify forsection 8, SNAP, and other nonprofit programs thatwe often champion as a way to defeat poverty.What resources are there to support her? This is wheremy heart lies for so many reasons, however I have adeep love and understanding of the needs my fatherhad in that moment.

BELOW THE SURFACE |  10Although I don’t know much about his life, Iimagine his upbringing had a lot to do with howhe navigated the world. For my mom, thingswere different. My grandma had my mom at 15.She lived in a teen moms housing program thatshe says really gave her the tools and resourcesshe needed to properly raise my mom. Sheprioritized my mom’s education and althoughnot perfect, she instilled values in my mom thathelped her to raise me. My father did not have the tools he needed tosupport his family. Eventually he got out of jail and wandered fromplace to place. He then stayed in a transitionalshelter for ex offenders. This place allowedchildren and we would live with both him andmy mom. Oddly enough, those were some of thebest memories I have with him. That place gave him a step up and he pursued acareer in graphic design. When the kids wereyounger, we would put them to bed and spendour nights together, learning how to usephotoshop. But he left us again, this time hemoved across the country, and my mompursued full custody. REFLECTION:This complex relationship gives me a unique perspective on workforce development and re-entryprograms for men, as well as those that support women with children, and is a driving force in myconsideration of impact in advocacy. When advocating, I always remember that for every policy madeto help those in need, we must also bring attention to those who have not been considered.She foreseen the impact that an inconsistentfather would have on our life, especially whenwe have another father at home that is workinghard to create opportunities and expose us tothe life she wants us to have.I didn’t know he wasn’t my dad, but when Ifound out at 14, my love didn’t change.Eventually he came back around and I felt aduty of loyalty to both. He pursued a career inwebsite design, got married, and had what Ibelieve he would define as a transformativelife. As I turned 18, we became close again, and heinevitably wanted me to help him contact hisyounger, “biological” kids. I denied, but stilloffered to love him. I believe that because I looka lot like my mom, I often got punished based onhow people felt about her. He hated me for notbeing willing to break my mom’s trust. His lastwords to me were “You’re supposed to be thestrong one”, and we haven’t spoken since.Me and my Grammy (my mother’s mother)

BELOW THE SURFACE |  11C H A P T E R 7SPERM DONORLAYER THREE: THE FINAL LAYERWhen I tell this story, I will change the name ofthe people involved, to honor the privacy of myfamily. Anyone who has had more than 1 parentknows that no matter how supportive thepresent caregiver is, there is often a yearning tobe connected to the person that you come from.This is my most complex story, yet one that hashad a significant impact on who I am today. My3rd “father’s” name was Edgar. My mom did an excellent job of protecting mefrom him. I never met him, he was in prison formost of my life for raping my biological sisters. Ialways knew the rest of my family, because oneof my older sisters, Davina, just happened tobecome close friends with my mom. DavinaI knew Davina from birth. Even though we were biological sisters, shealways told me she was my god sister and herfamily was my god family, so that she couldprotect me from the story of who my spermdonor was.I spent a lot of time with her growing up, andshe was the reason I was so close to mybiological family. At 17, as I navigated thecomplexities of life, she coached me through myfirst internal crisis, gave a listening ear andhelped make sure that I graduated highschool.She had 2 degrees, a great IT job, she was aveteran and a great mom, and she prioritizedvalues that I recognized and respected, such ascaring for family, prioritizing education andexposure, and being a good listener. She wasone of 5 older sisters, and she always tried tokeep us together. Because some of my sistersdidn’t have mothers, there was no grandmotherfigure. She was the foundation of oursisterhood.

BELOW THE SURFACE |  12She opened her home to our nieces andnephews, and was the one person we couldalways call on. She was always “strong”. She wasthat one person that I called every single day totalked about life with. Everyone knew we were2 peas in a pod. I’m not sure if it was the day mynephew went into a coma, or when her rapistsperm donor was released from prison, or if itwas a long time coming, but at some point sheflipped, and she was no longer herself. This was my first experience with seriousmental illness. At first, it just seemed like shewas mad at me, then, we received a call that shewas incarcerated for assault due to mentalillness, and had now been missing for an entireyear. She was also on the run from the police.Her 2 children (whose fathers took them inonce we found them) were homeless and infoster care for over a year. A few days before the opening of Esi’s House,she had sent me random, various angrymessages that expressed that she no longerwanted to be family, and hurt about what herbiological father had done to her. In some ways,I believe that her disconnecting from her family was her way of disconnectingfrom the hurt he had caused. She is still missing to this day.REFLECTION:This deeply hurt me in ways that I cannot explain, butI also recognize that no matter how educated andsuccessful, she did not prioritize herself and receivethe mental health support that she needed. Now, Icarry that understanding of burnout when I engagewith the women I serve.

BELOW THE SURFACE |  13KimMy sister Kim and I were never that close. Since I’d known her, she’d always been affected by thedeath of her mother and the father that raped her. She struggled with drugs, alcohol, and mentalhealth, and always was in and out of jail. However, I was very close with her children because wegrew up together at Davina’s house. One day, I got a call that my 3 year old niece (the same age as my son) was walking the streets milesaway from where she lived. When the police approached Kim, she was experiencing a schizophrenicepisode and replied “My daughter’s with my sister”. CPS got involved and eventually, with Davina out of the picture, we had to take responsibility for ourniece. At 23, me and my now husband were the most well prepared to take on our niece, and weagreed to take custody of her for a little over a year. Her and my son grew up together while hermother was in jail. Even though we were young and still in college, we didn’t qualify for governmentbenefits because we both worked full time. We worked hard and sacrificed our own health, because we recognized the responsibility that wehad to these children. REFLECTION #1Again, I look at how this experience affects myperception. It feels odd to say that I come from a place of“priviledge and power” as a funder who learnsabout the needs of my community. My livedexperience taught me how little intervention thereis for people living with serious mental illnessesand the impact it has on their children. Many of thegirls who joined Esi’s House happened to haveserious mental illnesses, and while they presentedwell on the surface, they required more than just amentor. They required a full time behavioral healthspecialist to be present in the home with them, as aparent would, and coach them through every daylife. This is why I decided to launch a mental healthclinic, now accredited by the Joint Commission,called HOPE Health & Wellness. REFLECTION #2:I used this as another analysis of my thoughts onadvocacy, and how there is a significant focus onpatching up issues by supporting those coming outof prison (which is needed and the reason that mysister and niece are connected today) but notenough support for those still in the community. While I value the programs that helped my sisterre-enter into society, I also look back and wonderif there was an early-intervention mentorshipprogram that could have changed the trajectory ofher life. My purpose in life is to identify the barriers toeconomic mobility, such as early intervention tomental health, education, exposure, andmentorship, and champion those causes, alongwith systemic policy change, to prevent ourchildren from become adults entering into theprison system or suffering from mental healthissues- severely and often irreparably affectingtheir economic mobility.

BELOW THE SURFACE |  14NiaNia and I were the youngest of the two. Onsurface level, we weren’t physically affected bythe behaviors of Edgar. He was long gone by thetime we grew up. Although her mother hadpassed away and she had lived in poverty mostof her life, she was raised by our older sisterDavina, and in our minds we still had a chanceto pull through together. When I was frustratedwith my parents at 17, although she was in “theprojects” she gave me a safe space to stay andwas the most nonjudgemental person I had everknown. It felt like unconditional love. Few can speak onthe unconditional love that comes from a familymember that doesn’t have much to give butgives their all. That is the love my sister had forme. We became close and inseparable.Everyone knew me as “Nia’s little sister” andshe always bragged and was so proud of herlittle sister. When Davina went missing, shebecame the big sister I always needed, and Ibecame the sister that encouraged her andshowed her new things. We kept secrets foreach other that no one will ever know. We shared our pain and hurt about our oldersisters and agreed to work together to supportour nieces and nephews in any way we could.We were a team.We traveled together andexperienced new things. Eventually, I encouraged her to follow me toBaltimore, and use her section 8 to rent atownhouse across the street from thetownhouse me and my husband owned. Ithought of my nephews, and the exposure thatthey could receive if they left their currentcircumstances, as well as the added mental andphysical support that we would have by havinga sister nearby. How fun, right? Until my son, who was just a few years younger,was severely impacted by his cousins at just 6years old. Nia was staying with me while theyprepped her townhouse for move-in, and whenshe was living with us, her 12 year old son hurtmy 6 year old. I couldn’t let the things that hersons had been through, as much as I loved them,affect my baby and how he experienced theworld.

BELOW THE SURFACE |  15I involved authorities, if not for anything butthe comfort that although I had make themistake of trusting them, my son can still lookback and believe that mommy did everything inher power to help him. Even though I knew thiswould affect our relationship, I never wantedhim to believe that I prioritized other adultsfeelings over his hurt, which is something that Ifelt often as a child when I spoke up aboutthings that happened to me. To her it may havefelt like a betrayal, because we have alwaysworked together and trusted each other to fixthings. Our relationship has since struggled with this. Ifelt isolated and alone. My mom’s children wereyounger and the last thing I wanted to do wasburden them with my pain. This resulted in me having to decide betweencrumbling in pain and hurt, or channeling myenergy into creativity. Many nights I spent crying, wondering if myson was going to be okay, and I knew that thebest thing I could do is be strong for him. Ichanneled my energy into pursuing a goal that Ihad on my heart for a long time, which wasstarting a housing and career pathwaysprogram for young moms. I pulled from all of the diverse perspectives oflife that I’ve experienced in order to start agrassroots organization of my own that solves adeep, intergenerational problem that I’ve seenand felt my entire life, while also dedicating mylife’s purpose to pursuing opportunities thatopen pathways for women to follow in myfootsteps (even as I still walk).

BELOW THE SURFACE |  16C H A P T E R 8REFLECTIONCOMING FULL CIRCLEBecause of my lived experience, I prioritize thefollowing causes in my life’s work:If my story wasn’t enough, here are a few facts: Approximately 56% of Black women in the U.S.become mothers by age 24, which reflects asignificant portion of early motherhood in thecommunity.Systemic racism and sexism, combined withsocietal biases against young mothers, oftenmarginalize them in ways that reduce their accessto resources and opportunities. Addressing their needs not only helps level theplaying field but also creates ripple effects for theirchildren and communities, and I am a living casestudy. Investing in their success fostersgenerational change, breaks cycles of poverty, andensures a more equitable distribution of resourcesin society. * Infancy: maternal health outcomes and adversechildhood experiences (ACEs) * Youth: Education, exposure, and mentorship * Young Adults: mental health support access &basic needs paired with career pathways * Adults: Incentivized financial literacy, homeownership, investment education, entrepreneurshipThere are many unnamed causes(transportation, daycare, digital literacy, etc.)that also matter to me because they have adirect correlation to the overall outcomes ofeconomic mobility for black and brown people,especially young women of color with children.

BELOW THE SURFACE |  17My hope for the future is to dedicate my life’swork to solving these problems. Nonprofit For NewbiesWith my consulting firm, Nonprofit ForNewbies, and as a licensed consultant with theMaryland Association for Nonprofits (MANO),I’m empowering changemakers with livedexperience by equipping them with themanagement and governance tools they needto create dynamic change within theircommunities. My journey began by coachingearly-stage nonprofits that address unmetneeds in their communities.As I progressed, I realized that launching abusiness and honing new skills helped stabilizemy life as a young mom during college. Theseexperiences ultimately made me morecompetitive in the workforce after graduation.Now, I aim to train other women with childrenwho need flexible, remote work opportunities.My newest fiscally sponsored project will focuson white-collar workforce development.Through a combination of computer literacy,project management, administrative support,and nonprofit management training aligned with MANO’s standards for excellence, I willhelp these women build valuable skills. Manygrassroots nonprofits I work with haverequested contracted virtual assistants whotruly understand nonprofit operations. I willconnect our women with these nonprofits toprovide the administrative support they needfrom someone who truly “gets it.” The netproceeds of this project will fund Esi’s House ofHope.Esi’s House, Inc.At Esi’s House of Hope, I’m making change inmy own community by using innovation to solvecomplex, unmet needs that women withchildren face as they pursue economic mobility.Paired with my joint commission accreditedmental health clinic, I aim to take a holisticapproach to the issues that affect women withchildren, by creating a supportive ecosystemthat empowers women to thrive, breakgenerational cycles of poverty, and buildsustainable futures for themselves and theirfamilies.GrantmakingAt the Hoffberger Foundation, I am blessed to beable to participate in private foundation grantmaking that empowers my community. Council & AdvocacyThis wouldn’t be complete without me pursuing myJD, with the goal of providing council to nonprofitsand private grant making foundations, and engaging in influencing and promoting policyreforms to affect systemic inequities.A Case StudyFinally, I hope to be a walking representative ofresilience. Inevitably, there will be barriers that we face onour journey, and my hope for this book is for it toserve as a reminder for those who identify with myexperiences to keep going, and to show people thatwe are worth investing in. Often times, when we “demand” change fromsomeone who has experienced adversity, they say“But you don’t know me, you don’t know what I’vebeen through”. I hope this book encourages others to look belowthe surface and leverage information about whoyou are to make an intentional effort to determinewho you become.