AVOW Magazine Spring 2020 : simplebooklet.com

AVOWMagazine com Christina Wilkinson USAF PUBLISHER Sheila L Holmes USAF EDITOR IN CHIEF A magazine for women veterans by women veterans and for the people who love them Erin Trower USAF EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Genevieve Chase USA Lindsay Church USN Danielle Johnson USMC VR Small USN Melissa Washington USN Pat White USMC SPECIAL ADVISORS Copyright 2020 by AVOW Magazine All rights reserved CONTRIBUTORS Writers Kathy Davenport Lila Holley Karen Steinbock Lisa Browne Banic M Ed C K M Ja net Bishop Photography Jennifer McIntyre James Morrison Sally Sheldon Anastasiia Rozumna Brigitte Tohm Tyler Nix Christina Wocintech Mahdis Mousavi Bekka Mongeau Raphael Lovaski Ian Dooley Andrej Lisakov Clay Banks CREATIVE TEAM SabreDesign com ART DIRECTION DESIGN LAYOUT The name AVOW and the AVOW logo are trademarks of AVOW Magazine exclusively for the American Veterans Organization of Women Magazine which is published quarterly for women veterans of the United States of America No part of this publication may be reproduced distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means including photocopying recording or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher or in some instances with third party copyright holders For permission requests write to the publisher addressed Attention Permissions Coordinator at the address below Sabre Design Publishing 18737 Back Street 605 Groveland CA 95321 www sabredesign com Proudly published and produced in the United States of America Social Media Facebook com AVOWMagazine Instagram com avow_magazine Twitter com AVOWMagazine O 209 841 8866 Sabre Design F 800 680 6217 E contact AVOWMagazine com 6 Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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AMERICAN VETERAN ORGANIZATION OF WOMEN MAGAZINE For our Spring issue and Women s History Month my primary goal has been about showcasing the projects bringing women veterans faces into focus I learned myself while working on interviews and reviewing photography projects that we are everyone a woman veteran can look like anyone in a crowd not just the woman wearing a ballcap with a branch of service on it My own presumptions were revealed I realized the only time I was seeing another woman as having served is when I saw her wearing military clothing and perhaps the rare woman I might ve seen at a Veteran s Service Organization VSO I can get a bit defensive when I m misjudged at a VSO as being a spouse instead of a veteran in my own right and it s a testament of interviewing the incredible women who ve served and the artists who highlight them that I ve challenged some of my own knee jerk perceptions I no longer wait to see who is who at the VSO I ask every woman if she s a veteran just as I would my male counterparts If I expect others to see women as veterans I should be just as presumptuous that other women may have served themselves Every day of mine is a privilege learning about the hurdles women have overcome in their military careers and beyond in their personal and public lives and I am humbled to hear these voices of women who have been here all along amongst us I hope you find within the following pages that we are not alone Other women veterans are seeking us out too as are our military brothers and patriotic community members lifting our images and giving visual representation to our voices They want to see us they want to hear our stories and preserve our contribution I trust you ll find their efforts beyond worthy and see yourself amongst the images Sheila L Holmes Editor In Chief AVOW Magazine P S If you are that incredible woman or you know that incredible woman in your circle of family and friends please reach out We re very interested in spreading that experience across our pages to share that we are everywhere we are everyone each and every one of us has a story to tell What s yours Feel free to share with us at Contact AVOWMagazine com Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 7

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MY CONVERSATION WITH LINDSEY KNAPP ABOUT HER NONPROFIT COMBATSEXUALASSAULT ORG EXEMPLIFIED THE STATEMENT REFLECTED ON HER WEBSITE THROUGH OUR TRAINING CURRICULUM LEGAL ASSISTANCE AND CONGRESSIONAL ADVOCACY WE FIGHT TO DISRUPT THE CULTURAL STIGMA SURROUNDING SEXUAL ASSAULT According to the website combatsexualassault org has three main focus areas 1 Legal Advocacy on Behalf of the Survivor 2 Community Outreach 3 Peer to Peer Support Network Lindsey shared that she was a victim advocate with the Army s Sexual Harassment Assault Response and Prevention Program SHARP working with victims of sexual violence After getting out of the military herself in 2008 she started working for the military as a civilian In 2014 the military began a hiring blitz in their SHARP program and she was quickly hired by the United States Army Special Operations Command USASOC on Fort Bragg Lindsey soon realized she was working recurring themes of survivors of assault who were being retaliated against The military was continuously trying to get survivors released from service and the IG and or Special Counsel wasn t able to help these victims She started her nonprofit while attending law school at night and working as a victim advocate during the day Lindsey stated her work varies for each client Many of those who reported were discharged from the military after reporting their assault Their assault was clearly reflected in their records and on their evaluations yet their claims were were not be lieved or the report of assault would quickly turn into a discharge for underage drinking or some other offense She shared an example of one woman who was charged with underage drinking and then placed on additional duty with the perpetrator who abused her as her supervisor understandably she left and was reported AWOL incurring additional charges Lindsey has since made it her mission to help people fix their records in order to obtain the service connected status they deserve Part of this process involves getting copies of the service member s records via a Freedom of Information Act request or other available means Her clients often experience memory loss or have difficulty speaking about what happened Lindsey is able to bridge this gap by doing all the leg work for them Since she knows what she s looking for she gets the basic story from the client and then gets copies of the service member s records to provide a better timeline of events Not only does this help piece the story together but quite often Lindsey is able to find records that the client never knew existed This helps bring clarity to the client all while helping them find their voice along the way She reminds us that so many have carried shame and self blame If her organization can get their hands on the records they can pull out the highlights showing survivors where they clearly reported the incident through their minds may have been questioning and self blaming for years She admits she can t win everything but survivors can be empowered through the process in knowing they didn t deserve the treatment they received Lindsey is relentless in her pursuit of justice for each and every one of her clients In order to assist survivors and obtain documentation Lindesy s organization can file privacy act waivers In one instance there was no record of a report with law enforcement yet the military discharged the victim for the assault She found the military had destroyed the records which established mishandling considering the documents haven t reached the full 50 years required before the agencies are legally allowed to destroy them She described feeling they were making no progress at all after a handful of clients whom were being retaliated against after reporting such as being charged with adultery even though the victim was not married the perpetrator or the files were never referred to CID or OSI or the appropriate reporting agency So she started using a process to file complaints with the Inspectors General Office of Special Council and the chain of command and when there was no movement her team started sharing stories with Congress She credits California Representative Jackie Speier for taking a keen interest and flying from California to Ft Bragg North Carolina to meet the Combat CO NTINU ED O N PAG E 10 Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 9

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Above Lindsey Knapp leads annual Walk a While in Her Shoes event with her local Rape Crisis Center to raise awareness and support for victims of sexual violence Sexual Assault team Via the combatsexaualassault org website veteran survivors can also share their stories with Congress and Lindsey makes regular trips to Washington D C to advocate on behalf of her clients with various Congressional teams from both sides of the aisle If she wasn t busy enough Lindsey also works for Lone Survivor Foundation as a Team Leader helping them run their Post Traumatic Growth Retreats and just purchased a yoga studio as a part of her future project to have a holistic facility Beginning with yoga she s working to create a peer to peer space where survivors can seek help 10 and can help others Participants can be a mentor or mentee or both They are paired with someone in a similar era as survivors of different eras such as the 90s may have had a vastly different experience reporting than someone in 2015 Lindsey explained how yoga is a great modality for people recovering from trauma Things happen in the brain with yoga that helps reconnect a person to their body via their breath Within just 60 minutes individuals can gain familiarity with their bodies and possibly regain control The body has so often become the scene of the crime and it can be difficult to feel beauty in that space again Everyone deserves to feel loved and safe They may not know it yet but their body is a beautiful encasement of the fire that burns inside of them Yoga is a very gentle way to invite the client on this journey of self discovery Another aspect of her organization works to train the military law enforcement schools and churches of a concept called trauma informed care Many times victims can come across as uncredible or even lying if those involved don t understand how trauma affects the brain Their team worked closely with an eager Fayetteville Police Department to implement Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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a trauma informed interviewing process to identify areas of improvement She explained that victims are interviewed differently under this process once law enforcement understands how their stores can be disjointed and remembered in pieces and out of chronological order Victims need a couple of sleep cycles before even being able to articulate what happened Officers speak to them briefly about the who what when and where then the officers take time to secure the scene while allowing the victim to get care and sleep Once the traumatized brain has settled enough to be interviewed a victim survivor can sit longer and provide more details Additionally clients may remember things years later after a smell or taste triggers a memory Lindsey trains law enforcement to be aware of this thus allowing them to gather additional information that could be useful in their pursuit of justice CombatSexualAssault org also works as a transgender advocate Lindsey explained that under the Obama administration trans service members were integrated without retaliation after which the military implemented programs to facilitate the transition to include transgender Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 people that needed much improvement so she created her own that included resources such as the National Organization for Victimls Assistance and the Trans Lifeline She mentioned Z Shane Zaldivar a trans Marine veteran and former Director of the Trans Lifeline who came to Fort Bragg to assist with training In addition to the women served Lindsey made special mention that her organization serves men as well She wanted to highlightthat male sexual assault victims face their own turmoils in reporting and that they re watching how women are being treated when they report and the treatment of women may affect men s own ability inability to report their own assaults In closing Lindsey wants everyone who comes to her organization to feel empowered to know that whatever happened wasn t your fault that you matter and that your story matters We ve got your back combatsexualassault org 11

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BUT AS THE TEARS RAN DOWN MY FACE WHILE I SIGNED OUT ON TERMINAL LEAVE I HAD A STRANGE FEELING THAT TRANSITION WAS NOT GOING TO BE LIKE ANYTHING ELSE I HAD EXPERIENCED IN MY MILITARY CAREER I HAD A FEELING THAT GOING INTO TRANSITION LIKE ANY OTHER PCS MOVE EVEN WITH ALL THE CAN DO ATTITUDE I COULD MUSTER UP WAS NOT GOING TO BE ENOUGH I QUICKLY FOUND OUT THAT I WAS RIGHT I experienced a flood of emotions during my transition Obviously I felt proud after honorably completing a military career I felt happy relieved accomplished and a sense of success It was time to retire and I looked forward to the next chapter of life Then I began to feel abandoned nobody was calling or checking up on Chief I felt like I lost my identity that everything I worked so hard to accomplish no longer 14 mattered I wasn t Chief I was just Lila Then came the anger mainly anger at myself Why was I struggling with these emotions Why couldn t I just push through Why hadn t anyone forewarned me that I would feel like this when I separated from the military I ll be honest with you I struggled a lot with my emotions during my transition I felt like no one understood my struggle so I hid it I felt like I was the only one going through such struggle and I was ashamed of it Then it started to manifest in my behavior I wasn t behaving like myself and I was called out for it I eventually had to admit it The struggle was real but finally being able to admit it gave me a little bit of relief knowing that I no longer had to hide it or struggle alone with it It was my husband a fellow veteran who Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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Think about your life and every transition getting married getting divorced having children losing a parent joining the military etc Each life event causes you to recall memories as well as emotions called me out because he noticed I wasn t acting like myself I am grateful he confronted me in hopes of helping me He encouraged me to get some help talk with someone and eventually I got some help through the VA hospital and was assured that the tools I had begun to implement had me on the right track and I would make it through That was comforting to know that implementing tools that I learned in the military would help me make it through Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 this tough time During this process I learned three key things about myself I didn t have a healthy system in place for processing these emotions for many years I stepped on my emotions with my combat boots and kept it moving because other things took precedence the mission or my troops My time with a counselor at the VA helped me create my system Every major life transition has strong emotions tied to it military transition is no different Think about your life and every transition getting married getting divorced having children losing a parent joining the military etc Each life event causes you to recall memories as well as emotions Everything I needed to successfully make it through transition I already possessed because of my military experience 15

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Think about the strength it took to make it through basic training the focus it took to make it through every level of military training and the courage it took to make it through deployments Yes We are strong courageous women who possess everything we need to succeed in life So after being reassured that I was on the right track I began to create my new normal in my role as a retired service member a veteran And that s where I began by identifying myself as a veteran I had spent more than half of my adult life in the military so I couldn t say that I was a civilian because my experiences were different than other women my age who had never served in the military and at my stage in life I believe this helped me because I was able to embrace what made me different than other women I also wanted to connect with other veterans so I began to volunteer with veteran service organizations Again this was something that helped me further embrace my veteran status Once I connected to the veteran commu 16 nity I realized two things we have more similarities than differences and I wanted to give back specifically to my sisters in arms Looking back now this strikes me as odd because throughout my career I worked with some great women leaders but I had very few women who I allowed to get close to me This We are REVEALING our truths and the truth is our stories are good changed onceI got a little older and senior in rank but even then it was just a few But I wanted to share what I had learned during my transition and help prevent any other woman veteran from lingering in the struggle longer than necessary I looked for women veterans organizations and there weren t many available at the time I was grateful for social media because I was able to find Melissa Washington and learn about Women Veterans Alliance and all the great work she was doing for women veterans in California and beyond She definitely motivated me and I wanted to connect with her and support her in any way I could and I did Because Melissa showed me it was possible I went on to build my own community and organization to serve and give back to women veterans Camouflaged Sisters is based on creating a platform for military women and women veterans to share their stories and in the telling of their stories to be empowered and proud of their service It began with our books and has morphed into a movement sisterhood We share write in a manner that is both healing to both the writer and the reader Our goal is for other military women to read our stories connect with them and know that healing from any pain they may have experienced during their military service is theirs for the taking We show them what that journey to healing looks like and because we were courageous enough to go after our healing they in turn are encouraged to seek their Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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own healing We currently have six books published with stories from 93 courageous military women women veterans and military spouses Camouflaged Sisters foundational pillars are Sharing Revealing Healing and Community We are SHARING our stories to empower inspire motivate and connect women who share similar experiences We are REVEALING our truths and the truth is our stories are good we ve had much success in our lives and careers notso good we ve faced some challenges along our journeys and downright ugly some have faced horrific trauma and yet they ve survived Through our sharing and revealing women are HEALING through the power of storytelling this is what makes Camouflaged Sisters Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 special We understand the power and value in our stories As a result Camouflaged Sisters has become a movement that is focused on building a COMMUNITY of women connected through their experiences This is what sisterhood looks like My hope for every woman reading this magazine especially those who are serving have served or are affiliated with the military in some manner is that you know the power behind your story We all have a story a story that will inspire motivate or encourage someone else I understand not everyone will become a published author but however you choose to share your story do so from your heart knowing that you didn t survive or learn that lesson just for yourself but to help someone else along their journey Lila Holley is the visionary and founder of Camouflaged Sisters LLC and uses multiple media platforms programs and live events to share the incredible stories of military women worldwide Her award winning bestselling book series has been featured in The Huffington Post Forbes CBS affiliate news channel and other media outlets Camouflaged Sisters books are available at Amazon com and Barnes Noble Learn more at camouflagedsisters org 17

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FLYING CATHERINE COOK GREW UP IN SACRAMENTO CALIFORNIA AS A GOOD STUDENT AND ATHLETE SHE PLAYED VOLLEYBALL BASKETBALL SOFTBALL AND WAS THE CHIEF JUSTICE OF STUDENT SUPREME COURT IN HIGH SCHOOL CATHERINE PLANNED TO ATTEND LAW SCHOOL SO SHE TOOK COURSEWORK IN GOVERNMENT HISTORY ECONOMICS AND MAJORED AT CAL STATE SACRAMENTO IN ECONOMICS WITH A MINOR IN POLITICAL SCIENCE SHE REMEMBERS AS A CHILD OF MAYBE 12 YEARS OLD HER ARCHITECT DAD LOVED TO BUILD GAS POWERED MODEL AIRPLANES WITH MOTORS C atherine recounts that she was more on the active side of being a girl playing sports obtained her driver s licence at 16 and wanted to drive mini bikes and motorcycles Her local public broadcasting station KVIE has a yearly auction to raise money by having people donate things an item Catherine chose to bid on was introductory flight lessons which she bid on and won for approximately 50 when she was around 19 or 20 years old She found she loved flying and started taking ground school classes She wanted to pursue flying but the lessons were so expensive for her both being in college and working as a waitress for 2 hr plus tips Catherine described because flying has to be immersive she put this dream on the back burner to finish school Later while still a senior at college and working an internship at the California Energy Commission she read an article in the Sacramento Bee where the Navy had trained women in a military flight program She remembers that during the same time as the US News and World Report headlined articles such as 18 Should Women be Allowed to Fight in Combat with aspersions that women weren t physically mentally or emotionally qualified for combat and that putting women into combat units would reduce the effectiveness of our military forces therefore she was surprised and elated that finally women were being allowed to learn to fly Enamored shocked and enthusiastic she visited a recruiter The recruiter informed Catherine the program was just a really special experimental program and not actually open to women as the women were already in service and hand picked for pilot training The recruiter suggested she become a navigator and informed her she d have to do navigation first anyway and perhaps in a few years she could move up to pilot Catherine completed the Air Force Officer Qualifying Test AFOQT physicals and one of the last hurdles was to interview with a Lt Colonel or above To do so she was sent to Mathers AFB the navigator training base where she was asked routine questions on leadership and finally Why do you want to be a navigator Cath erine responded that she wanted to be a pilot not a navigator Her interviewer informed her that was one of the oldest bait and switch tactics and clarified that if a person wanted to be a pilot they should not go into being a navigator because they ll never let you go from navigation Catherine returned to the recruiter put all her paperwork on standby and informed the recruiter that if the Air Force ever does accept women to be pilots she d be ready to which he responded It s not ever going to be happening After returning to Plan A not even a month went by when the recruiter called her back and informed her that they were taking five women out of the United States with no prior military experience not even a pilot s license She updated her paperwork and about a month later she was accepted She then met the board and after approximately two months of interviews and other requirements which she d already completed with the navigator position she now feels her qualifications were completed ahead of other applicants On Halloween October 31 1979 Catherine Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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Left Running for Assembly District 8 in Sacramento California Below Catherine in her Air Force flight suit took her Oath of Office in Oakland California where her mom and grandma were in attendance Of the three women in her flight screening program one fell in love and dropped out but the other two women made it through A lot of men washed out whether they were airsick weren t quite grasping the training or weren t getting it at the pace the military required Next came the eight weeks of officer training a full integration into the military way of life and once graduated she had her 1st Lieutenant bars and was off to Vance AFB in Enid Oklahoma for pilot training The first three months were all academics the basics flying navigation radios patterns weather and parachute falls She was required to learn the physiological signs of hypoxia Next was the Undergraduate Pilot Training course that prepared her for the T 37 Tweet basic ma 20 neuvers aerobatics and instrument flying after which she moved on to the T 38 Talon more of a fighter type aircraft and learned formation flying instrument flying and more advanced maneuvers After a year she was a full fledged Air Force pilot graduating on St Patrick s Day March 17 1981 Catherine learned to fly the KC 135 Stratotanker for Strategic Air Command at Castle AFB in Merced California where they train pilots to fly both the B 52 Stratofortress and KC 135s She explained that the KC 135 is an air refueling aircraft a flying gas station that carries fuel and rendezvous with other aircraft to keep them flying This made last year s Rose Bowl all the more exciting when she saw a KC 135 leading the flyover boom down and three or four F 16 Fighting Falcons in trail She shared with us their tanker rib You guys need my gas to go kick ass Travis AFB was her first assignment flying the KC 135 Stratotankers on missions to provide air refueling for fighter jets bombers and cargo aircraft followed by a 2nd assignment to Robins AFB where she upgraded to Aircraft Commander In 1987 she left active duty was hired by Delta Airlines and joined the Reserves at Mather Air Force Base California Continuing her military career in August 1990 she volunteered for Operation Desert Shield and flew the KC 135 to Saudi Arabia on a combat support mission to deter Iraq s invasion of Kuwait Even at this era there was still the prevailing concern about allowing women to fly yet this time it was the Wing Commanders that fought for the women as a vital part of their forces to be allowed to serve in flying combat capacity Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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Above A very rare all female flight crew Right Flying at the Rose Bowl In 1991 Operation Desert Storm started which marked the first time in American history that women were allowed to fly in combat missions as support It wasn t until 1993 when U S Secretary of Defense Les Aspin lifted the Combat Exclusion ban on women flying in combat which allowed women to fly fighters bombers reconnaissance planes anything in the military arsenal Catherine met her husband Frasier Fortner also an Air Force veteran while serving When he retired and moved to California he then took up teaching ROTC They started their family in 1996 with Catherine starting out flying on the Boeing 727 out of Salt Lake City into her sixth month of pregnancy She described there were no uniforms for pregnant pilots back then Catherine described how Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 much she loved mountain flying across Montana and Idaho because of the gorgeous countryside and how the 727 was a very basic aircraft without modern equipment or autopilot the last of the planes where the pilot had to calculate everything and use old fashioned navigation She credits learning in the hand flown aircraft for honing her skills to the point where she was always able to out land most of the captains smoothly without bouncing or landing long she excelled at greasing the landing She mentioned these were the last hand flown aircraft which is an art being lost on current pilots In her second pregnancy she changed to flying the MD 11 out of Portland The MD 11 was an international aircraft and at one point she was flying with her mom as a passenger across the pond to Germany She then later graduated to Boeing s 757s and 767s She remarked that after losing her husband in 2017 she realized even more how much support their partnership had provided her career He d managed their household while she piloted across the globe able to focus on being a professional pilot After 33 years she decided it was time to retire from Delta and after settling her second son into college she announced in November 2019 to run for California State Assembly member for District 8 Why did she decide to run Even after a full career with Delta she feels like there s so much left to do to be involved in and to remain relevant She is a problem solver and a decision maker and feels California could benefit from her skills but most of all she chooses to have purpose and to help people We look forward to her continued success 21

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INVISIBLE BY SHEILA L HOLMES We had the pleasure of speaking with James and Mara Morrison about their joint husband wife photography project Vanquishing the Invisible in collaboration with Melissa Washington Founder and President of the Women Veterans Alliance They were generous in sharing the Vanquishing The Invisible background story as follows I n 2015 Melissa met James at a Vet Connect group sponsored by California State EDD to help Veterans find employment Melissa a LinkedIn expert shared her knowledge on setting up a LinkedIn account and James would photograph each Veteran for their LinkedIn headshot After viewing James photographs she reached out to James and Mara and asked them to collaborate on a portrait series answering the question What Does A Women Veteran Look Like Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 Melissa connected the Morrison s to the women who were interested in participating in the project and asked them to write their personal story about their military experience and their life as a civilian Their stories became the focus and heart of the portrait project The Morrison s read each story before meeting with the women in person During the meetings a location was chosen each one holding personal significance for the woman portrayed CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE 23

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The Vanquishing the Invisible exhibit at the Capital Building in Sacramento California Mara wrote the photographer s perspective revealing the process used to decide on locations and putting into context the personal items the women chose from their military service and current life to be placed in the image creating a uniquely personal and compelling frame of reference for each portrait James shared that he was a Naval Weather Forecaster for combat flight missions in Vietnam aboard USS Kitty Hawk and remembers what it was like to come home after serving his country to an indifferent welcome As a Vietnam era Veteran I fully understand how Veterans have been overlooked and marginalized when they return from combat No amount of words on Veteran s Day or Memorial Day overcomes the pain and frustration we feel We each did our part and did it well We deserve the respect we earned as members of the military Women Veterans deserve the same respect As a Veteran I will continue to fight to keep these women from being forgotten marginalized and mistreated 24 What Does A Woman Veteran Look Like presented a rare opportunity for me to bring recognition to women veterans and to share with viewers who these women really are My instinct was to avoid the stereotypes of most veteran portraits in uniform wounded depressed rather I focused on highlighting their personal strength I chose a classic style creating softness and a sense of dignity in contrast to the intensity I saw radiating from the women themselves Mara embraced this project from another perspective Her father was in the Army Air Corps who wrote letters to home citing the mistreatment of women in the military Her mother a feminist in her own right was passionate about bringing recognition to the brave women who served during WWII Her mother imparted to Mara Don t ever forget these women James shared his feelings of how the project has helped him personally to open up some issues he d put off for 40 years or more In Mara s words The emotions I thought James tucked away from his experiences as a Vietnam Veteran surfaced during this project As his partner I can attest it ripped a few new holes in his heart but healed a lot more Bringing visibility to women veterans is the heart of this project as revealed by the impact it has made on the women involved and thousands of others who have seen the portraits and read the stories By being part of this project I faced some hard truths and sought the benefits I deserve and filed a claim for the MST I went through I will forever be grateful for the opportunity to share my story and take part in the exhibit It changed my life I was surprised that being part of this project made me aware of my service and sacrifices I made For the first time I felt a sense of pride for what I had accomplished while serving I no longer feel invisible We hope you enjoy the images James and Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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JUAN PABLO SERRANO ARENAS Top On display at the Sacramento Library Left At the California State Fair in 2019 Mara were generous enough to share with us of their exhibits as well as some of their individual portraits one of which is a woman you will see showcased elsewhere in this issue of AVOW pilot Catherine Cook The Morrison s published two books entitled What Does a Woman Veteran Look Like Each book is a series of ten images The books were placed in 60 Veteran s Connect The Library sites in California They are currently working through the logistics of creating a third book of ten images and related stories bringing 30 women into focus within the veteran community Vanquishing the Invisible portrait exhibit has been displayed at the City of Sacramento Rotunda California State University Sacramento and the 2019 California State Fair Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 James R Morrison PhotographER J Mara Morrison Writer based in Fair Oaks California is known for I spent hours reading narratives from the women excellence in business and custom portrai in our portrait project and accounts of other ture and editorial assignments throughout Women Veterans who over decades served our Northern California focusing on the people country I was surprised to feel a strong sense organizations and businesses who make a of connection to them I was compelled to learn difference In their community www jamesr more about them to understand what their lives morrison com were like during and after their military service SEVENTEEN Continued on NEXT page and to find ways to bring deserved recognition where none was given before 25

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BRIGITTE TOHM SEVERAL YEARS AGO I WAS HAVING DINNER WITH FRIENDS AT A FANCY RESTAURANT AFTER THE MAIN MEAL THE WAITER BROUGHT AROUND A PLATE WITH VARIOUS DESSERTS ON IT AND WE STARTED DROOLING OVER WHICH DESSERT WE SHOULD CHOOSE I was having a hard time They all looked great I looked at the waiter and asked for his recommendation He said Ma am they re all great And you don t have to choose This restaurant gives you a small serving of all of them What a concept I just died and went to heaven I could have ALL of them I didn t have to choose just one It was just a few days ago that I was reminded of that concept I had a full day with nothing scheduled and I was wondering how I should spend it Should I go to the beach go hit golf balls because I m trying to get better or get a workout in by either going to the gym or taking a brisk walk I opted for a walk along the ocean and got my workout in After the walk I decided I had time to jump in and swim so I got my beach time in saltwater is a great way to detox And later in the evening I remembered there was a lighted driving range where I could hit balls so I got my practice in I felt so amazingly energized The next day I was incredibly productive and happy that I allowed myself to do what I thought was more than I deserved My point in all of this is that sometimes you don t have to choose just one You can have it all You deserve more Stop limiting yourself Open yourself up to the possibility that you can have more than you think you can We so often limit ourselves because of old beliefs and stories we ve been told about how we should act what we should do how we should behave If those stories are no longer serving you it s time to change them Here s the big question What s it costing you to stay stuck in old beliefs and patterns I speak and write a lot about changing your way of thinking No matter your age no matter what stage of life you re in it s time to shake things up and own who you are This is the time to claim your power If you want to recharge and re energize you have to shift gears One way to do this is to START BELIEVING that you can have more than you think you can You can BE more than you can even imagine You just need to start opening up your way of thinking So how are you limiting yourself Or how are you letting others limit you Just being aware of your limiting beliefs gets you started on changing those old thought patterns to new positive and powerful ones Here are some samples to get you started Start with I limit myself by telling myself________ believing I can t_______ thinking that I don t deserve_____ feeling guilty about________ And then replace that old thought with a new one I do deserve all the desserts on that plate Cheering for you Kathy Davenport is a motivational speaker personal development coach and trainer and professional photographer Originally from Kansas she currently lives in Kapolei Hawaii For more info you can visit my About page on my website kathydavenportimagedesign com about Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 27

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I HAD THE PLEASURE OF SPEAKING WITH ARMY VETERAN ELIZABETH ESTABROOKS ABOUT THE ORIGINATIONS OF HER I AM NOT INVISIBLE PROJECT SHE BEGINS WITH THE OREGON DEPARTMENT OF VETERANS AFFAIRS ODVA A STATE AGENCY WHERE SHE WORKS IN PARTNERSHIP WITH THE VETERAN S ADMINISTRATION AND OTHER COMMUNITY PARTNERS TO IMPROVE SERVICES FOR WOMEN VETERANS I n a meeting with the Director at the Portland State University Veteran Resource Center along with several women veteran students she noticed the students were repeatedly using the word invisible a word she had often used herself to describe how they feel in regards to their presence in society research and in encounters with the Veteran s Administration VA The Director Felita Singleton suggested making posters with the words I Am Not Invisible across them Rather than just have computer printed posters Elizabeth asked her boss at ODVA Mitch Sparks for approval of the project and once granted their staff Communication Director Nicole Hoeft worked with photographer Sally Sheldon of Studio Lux Photography and Elizabeth who started recruiting women veterans Elizabeth intentionally wanted to keep the project small but representative of women veterans who lived throughout the state She described how she used to live in rural Oregon and how it s often the people in urban areas who Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 receive services or are recognized She wanted representation of all 25 000 women veterans in the state to include every kind of woman Women don t talk about being veterans veteran from Black to Latino trans women immigrant women young women to old a full twenty two woman representation Felita was tapping into her student population and brought six students including an Army veteran who is blind and a musician while Elizabeth invited in a Marine who was the first female COBRA pilot in her squadron and is also a breast cancer survivor Then connections were made with the LGBT community bringing in a trans woman veteran as well as more rural and diverse women When Elizabeth mentioned to a local Native American contact that she would like to have a mother and daughter pair the contact mentioned a woman Elizabeth had known since 1992 yet didn t know she was also a veteran Desiree Coyote and Elizabeth are friends who had worked together in years past on domestic violence Women don t talk about being veterans Elizabeth quipped Desiree and her daughter Genai agreed to be in the photo shoot together The project started rolling together like magic There were difficulties not everyone wanted to be in images and some didn t show up to the photoshoot but in the end the project was pretty powerful women cried healed and experienced triggering moments Elizabeth explained that it is not just having your photo taken but the concept of being seen and recognized and sometimes coming to terms with things She acknowledges that the team didn t realize going in what this would mean as a project as a photo exhibit When I started there were going to be CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE 29

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a few pictures with I Am Not Invisible written across them with hopes to get people to remember women as veterans and a tool for advocacy and it immediately became apparent it was so much more As we chat the names of these women roll off Elizabeth s tongue as if they ve been longterm friends Desiree Jean the Jens Carrie She described a photo session where they all came together and Renee took the time to approach Elizabeth to share her gratitude I want to thank you This is the first time I ve had my photo taken since I transitioned and I wanted to thank you for seeing me as a woman veteran Elizabeth mentioned that on the project s launch they didn t know what the turnout would be as it s not unusual for people to not show up to women veteran s events They thought maybe 100 people would show up but more than 500 showed news channels came and people who weren t veterans attended She started watching how people responded and realized there was a lot of power in the photos Men and women connected Men 30 would thank her for ensuring women veterans were recognized People were crying Some men wouldn t look at all She describes one time a woman and her husband came in and as the wife repeatedly tried to get him to look at these women he mentioned off handedly I don t need to look at them He was really dismissive But he found an image the one of Carrie looking down and said he needed to look at her picture He then commented Her bio doesn t say anything Elizabeth responded Does it need to sir He said No it does not and then stated I need to go look at these pictures A couple arrived together and the man walked in but the woman walked to the threshold promptly burst into tears and walked out She tried again and again burst into tears and walked out The third time as she was collecting her bearing her husband who didn t understand said What s wrong with you Elizabeth explained She just saw how she has felt since she discharged from the military reflected back 22 times in one minute The woman mentioned How many people do you think talk to me about my service None We talked a bit about how so many veterans who are men speak and are spoken to about their service yet women are often silent and silenced Elizabeth overheard a man remark A bunch of pictures of women to which Elizabeth responded If these were images of men would you look at them Why do you think as a female veteran they are less important And the women Elizabeth shared that women veterans who look often cry as they finally see themselves represented Two days after the opening people wanted to borrow the exhibit for their places of work Soon after ODVA printed a second copy of all the images Elizabeth and her display are requested at Stand Downs events for homeless veterans or veterans in need community services in various counties across the state She shared her appreciation for her organization s approval of her travels managing hotel room costs for the women who were photographed trips to Washington D C Idaho and Minnesota Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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I asked Elizabeth why she chose black and white photos to represent the women and she recounted that Nicole not only the Director of Communications but as an artist felt there was more power in black and white and less clutter than in color Sally agreed and for the most part the team chose no editing or touch ups I was surprised in looking at the website that the high resolution images were available for download Elizabeth explained that the images belong to the Oregon Department of Veterans Affairs and because it s tax dollars it s a public project however Elizabeth made a toolkit to ensure people are able to replicate the project by contacting ODVA and wherever I Am Not Invisible displays are created they look the same in photography branding background and fonts The Center for Women Veterans U S Department of Veteran s Affairs has taken up the project and Gene Russell now manages the project as the Primary photographer for the Secretary of the Department of Veteran s Affairs Elizabeth described how Gene came to see the images when the Oregon display was in WashFacebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 ington D C and fell in love with them as his older sister spent more than 37 years in the military The Center for Women Veterans goal became to photograph veterans in every state and they ve picked up Puerto Rico 26 Indigenous tribes in the states as well as disabled women athletes At this point approximately 2200 women veterans have been photographed What s next for Elizabeth That s up to her boss but the primary goal of both Oregon Department of Veterans Affairs and the U S Department of Veterans Affairs is to improve services to women veterans and increase the number of women veterans accessing their benefits We have to have gendered conversations where we talk specifically about women veterans separately and in addition to men veterans so that partners working on solutions understand the realities and needs of women veterans The VA and others have the data we remain hopeful of people outside the VA using and discussing it in program and policy planning As long as women are invisible from the conversations we ll be invisible from the solutions Sally Shel don of Studio Lux Photography I love seeing my subjects eyes light up They say that you know when someone is truly smiling when the muscles around their eyes are engaged I have worked with many women who are accomplishing great achievements From writers to famous jazz singer songwriters I strive to capture a powerful representation of my subjects real beauty that has always been there I seek to empower those who are excited to be in a profession that they are passionate about I believe we should all be doing something we love and anything I can do to support them in their journey I am happy to do so 31

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MILITARY SPOTLIGHT KATHLEEN SILVIA MAJOR RET US ARMY K athleen Silvia is a graduate of West Point s class of 1980 the first co ed class in the Service Academy s history She s shared about a time when her own niece and nephew were touring the sites of Washington D C and had no idea where their Aunt s Army service had taken her They did not know that at the age of 17 their Aunt Kathy tried to enlist but was diverted to attend West Point by her Recruiter She was accepted and entered West Point just after the law opened 32 up the Service Academy to qualified women It was no small feat that she graduated alongside just 61 other women in a graduating class of 930 At graduation Lt Silvia was then commissioned into Field Artillery FA Kathleen earned high marks in gunnery during training and was recognized as the top firing platoon leader in her FA Battalion as a young Lt She rose in rank to become Battery Commander and the first woman to do so in Lance Missiles When the Artillery Branch briefed all company grade officers about their FA career paths they presented limited options for women She transferred to a marketable field in logistics for the remainder of her Army service which included active duty Army reservist in New England where she was promoted to Major and then full time active guard and reserve service to Kuwait from 2003 to 2004 In 1990 she received reserve activation orders to prepare several New England based units for overseas deployment Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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For 45 days temporarily away from her civilian desk she ensured units had what they needed and packed mission essential gear equipment I remember that day when my reserve boss called me up to the Reserve Center in the middle of the week and told me to pack my bags I was kind of heavy on the gas pedal and got pulled over by a cop who saw my military uniform It was August of 1990 He told me how fast I was going and what the speed limit was and I was expecting to get a ticket When I told him where I was headed and why the cop asked me if I wanted an escort Whew no ticket I said No I will be careful I guess my adrenaline was pumping Later in 2003 the Army sought to put her back into uniform to manage other units logistics packages full time as an AGR Active Guard Reservist or Army Guard and Reserves soldier The medium truck transportation unit she joined was earmarked to go to war and brought her to the border of Iraq and Kuwait Most of 2004 she spent managing property in the combat zone for a 1200 soldier transportation unit that ran missions to deliver cargo from the ports in Kuwait up to the Combat Forces in Iraq Her most notable contribution was to arrange to have steel plated armor mounted upon all 360 tractors to protect the soldiers in the cab These plates were credited with saving at least three soldiers lives She described the challenges of one day being a civilian at your work desk the next day being a soldier as life altering for not just her but for the entire family At the border of Kuwait and Iraq her camp sat where all the vehicles were x rayed to assure no dangers were in the hidden trucks coming south into Kuwait or going north to Iraq My office was literally in Kuwait but my sleeping quarters were in Iraq according to my GPS It was here that units of every type would grab their last hot chow fill up with fuel and don their game face by flipping their rifles from SAFE mode to AUTO FIRE The truckers would get loads of cargo off the boats then haul them north up past the border to the combat forces wherever they were Mosul Tikrit Baghdad or wherever they were needed On the return trip these trucks brought back burnt up carcasses of flattened HMMWVs or other damaged equipment to Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 be retrofitted or deemed beyond repair Kathy managed up to 30 units worth of property with various components as the owners active duty National Guard and reserves At the end of 2004 she returned to Charlotte N C to continue serving until she achieved twenty years of active Army service After removing the uniform in 2006 Kathy learned new skills with the Department of Veterans Affairs managing cemeteries until 2015 as the Baltimore National Cemetery Director responsible for maintaining five national cemeteries Later in 2010 she switched agencies to manage the Department of Army Cemetery at West Point in 2010 coming full circle to her alma mater In her retirement Major Silvia is an active public servant with her local Lions Club and is the Pennsylvania State Ambassador for Women in Military Service for America WIMSA Memorial She can be found attending veteran events as a spokesperson for WIMSA or traveling the state volunteering to sort out a Vet eran s concern claim or unresolved administrative benefits situation Kathleen s goal with WIMSA is to show other Pennsylvania women veterans that their stories DO matter and asks women veterans to please record their stories as she did by registering online at www womensmemorial org or in person at the Memorial in Washington D C Kathleen is aiming to have Pennsylvania be the first of the 50 states to register all 71 000 or so women veterans I have helped over a dozen veterans both male and female by explaining how to navigate the VA or by advocating for their claim I just finished a Navy veterans claim rebuttal for him at no cost I don t take any funds for my work it s strictly voluntary But if individuals want to donate to the Women s Memorial they can do so in honor of me or register themselves or their female family member online at www womensmemorial org Helping the veteran is the intrinsic satisfaction I get which for me provides payment enough Kathleen admits 33

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LET S MAKE MORE WRONG CHOICES BY KAREN STEINBOCK H eck yes I want to be wrong more often in 2020 Sign me up for some of that wrongness Why Because wrong choices get me closer to where I want to be And they can do the same for you There are a lot of wrong choices we can make where the risks aren t that big and the consequences are pretty mild and yet we spend ridiculous amounts of time trying to determine the perfect right choices weighing our options comparing contrasting overthinking and doing everything we can to figure out the right answer before taking the next step We re terrified of making the wrong choice Of having to backtrack and start again Of wasting our time and energy Of being embarrassed in front of others or disappointing ourselves So to avoid possibly getting it wrong we choose to do nothing And another day or month or year goes by and we re right where we were Same desires Same fears Same life But what if you only spent a little time on the researching and 34 thinking parts and got down to the trying part more quickly Are the stakes really that high if you just sign up for a fitness class without comparing every gym and studio in town Wander in and see if you like it Maybe you end up in a class that s totally your jam If you don t then try a different location or class In the meantime at least you re getting a workout in and crossing another item off the things to try list Does your wonderful little soul desperately want to pursue your artistic creativity but you can t decide between painting starting a cupcake empire and making hilarious YouTube videos So you re waiting to commit time to any of them until you re sure which one is the right choice Just choose one and begin with something See how you feel once you re actually doing it Start Making Something What if you just pick a therapist that takes your insurance and make an appointment And if you don t click with that person say thanks but no thanks then keep working your way down the list until you find someone you connect with How much might it positively impact your life to finally work through your challenges and roadblocks with someone you can trust Taking a few steps in the wrong direction is still progress because making wrong choices allows you to start the process of elimination And that process gets you closer and closer to the answers you re looking for Be strategic Remember the game show Who Wants to be a Millionaire One of the lifelines a contestant could use if they got stuck was called 50 50 When they used this lifeline 50 of the wrong answers were removed from the board When the answer wasn t clear standing there staring at 4 choices didn t get them any closer to the right answer but eliminating two of the wrong options sure did That s the strategy my friends It s not about knowing the right answer it s about working your way toward it Unfortunately you ll rarely get to use a 50 50 so it s up to you to do your own elimination Choose move forward a bit and see what appears You ll either start to gain confidence you re on the right path or you ll discover you re on the wrong one Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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FUN FACT 32 NO ONE HAS THEIR SH T TOGETHER BY KAREN STEINBOCK O ne the most incredibly freeing moments of my life was when I realized this one simple fact no one really has it together all of the time Not famous people CEOs or senior military leaders Not doctors accountants or lawyers Not your parents or your boss Oh and not your daughter s friend s mom with her adorable Pinterest posts No one I was 27 years old when I separated from the Navy I felt like a lot of things but I certainly didn t feel like I had it together I had a ridiculously large mortgage I was still single and I really didn t know what I wanted to do with my life When I was younger I always imagined I d hit some magical point in life and somehow know all of the answers I d know my life s purpose and how to pursue it I d know how to do all of the adult things like fix my car manage real estate and understand health insurance I d know how to wear makeup and make awesome leadership decisions with confidence and wisdom But in my late 20s an interesting thing happened Instead of feeling like I was transforming into the brilliant person I d imagined I felt like I was staying the same and instead the shine was starting to wear off of the brilliant people I so wanted to be like I wasn t becoming more like them as much as they were starting to seem more like me real sometimes flawed learning trying humans At first it was painful I had put people on pedestals I deeply admired and trusted them To get closer and start to notice the fine cracks in the perfect image I d once seen was tough They were still amazing people but sometimes they made mistakes Sometimes they let me down Sometimes they didn t stand up and fight the battles I thought needed fighting The disappointment was real Then came the fear if these incredible people can t even get it together then how am I supposed to Then came the fantastic life changing realization wait if these incredible people can t even get it together then maybe it s ok If I don t quite have it together This was a whole lot more freeing than it was disappointing So much pressure was lifted off of my shoulders So much of feeling like I wasn t enough just evaporated All these things I d been feeling like I was supposed to know and be and do simply fell away I had permission to continue to see myself as a learning student rather than as a failing master Life Changing Over the years I ve risen in the ranks in various jobs I have friends in senior leadership positions in the military and in civilian companies some even running their own companies My experiences and theirs repeat CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 37

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CHRISTINA WOCINTECH edly reinforce this great truth that there is no such thing as arrival just the ongoing pursuit of glorious imperfection Maybe this concept is new to you or maybe you ve known it for years Either way I encourage you to spend some time thinking about it Really recognize the power it gives you to choose how you see yourself and the people around you I ALSO ENCOURAGE YOU TO USE THIS POWER FOR GOOD AND HERE ARE A COUPLE OF WAYS YOU CAN DO THAT Cut Yourself a Little Slack Seriously Stop making yourself feel inadequate because you re failing to live up to some completely unrealistic expectation of perfection Stop comparing your whole existence to the brief glimpses you get of other peoples successes It s exhausting It s soul crushing Don t use this as an excuse to stop trying and to accept mediocrity Keep learning Keep striving to improve Push yourself to pursue 38 the things that matter to you and to reach your goals Just be kind to yourself along the way Be understanding when you aren t sure what to do next Be patient with yourself when you eff it up and have to try again Some days I impress the hell out of myself with a great idea excellent execution of a plan or by summoning courage in the face of adversity Other days my plan falls apart I step back from a challenge when I should be stepping forward or I realize halfway to the gym that my workout pants are on inside out This is how it works people The sooner we all realize this the sooner we can stop getting all hung up on appearances and expectations and can start really truly living our lives And a second way you can use this power for good Cut Others a Little Slack Your boss Your doctor That guy in line for coffee who was a jerk to you today They re people too They have families and lives outside of work They have aging parents and sick kids They have doubts fears and insecurities Like you sometimes they re giving 100 and other times they re distracted or fighting battles the people around them know nothing about Give them the benefit of the doubt Believe that they re trying to do their best Have a little more empathy Be kind I promise that taking this approach benefits you as much as it does them You ll feel less frustrated less disappointed and more connected knowing they re a lot like you real sometimes flawed learning trying humans And if you run into someone who does seem to be totally crushing an area of life where you are struggling instead of comparing yourself to them recognize that they face many of the same challenges you do Consider asking them to share with you whatever tips and life hacks they use for overcoming some of these challenges This might net you some pretty helpful information And as a bonus it ll make them feel good Chances are they re struggling a bit in some other part of their life Having the opportunity to be recognized for and to share what they re doing well might just be the lift they need to keep pushing through their other challenges and imperfections Originally published on the Six More Steps blog on 11 21 2018 www sixmoresteps com real not perfect Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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CONTINUOUS LEARNING HAS FAR REACHING IMPLICATIONS FOR ALL ASPECTS OF ONE S LIFE THIS IS EVIDENT NOT JUST IN THE OBVIOUS ENVIRONMENTS OF EDUCATION LIKE SCHOOLS AND UNIVERSITIES BUT ALSO IN THE POLITICAL ECONOMIC AND CULTURAL SOCIETIES THAT WE OPERATE IN DAY TO DAY COMPANIES AND OTHER NON EDUCATIONAL ENTITIES THAT ENCOURAGE AND INCORPORATE OPPORTUNITIES FOR THEIR TEAM MEMBERS TO GROW AND LEARN BEYOND THE PRESENT ARE THE ORGANIZATIONS THAT PROGRESS IN THEIR PRODUCTIVITY INNOVATION AND POTENTIAL O ne such entity is the village where as a greater family people are socialized with certain values or attitudes that radiate between their homestead and their immediate atmospheres Young children learn tolerance of violence and harmful gender norms early in life which is reinforced in different peer family social economic and cultural contexts As people get older it is important to challenge these norms by teaching safe and healthy relationship skills for example to create more peaceful and respectful environments in the workplace as well as in the schools or neighborhoods and communities that they live in This is why periodic and ongoing trainings like diversity and cultural awareness are important to continue through a person s lifetime be it as a work requirement part of the elementary school curriculum or part of a community center s quarterly seminar that is free to the public Equally important is addressing the societal factors that serve to maintain harmful norms and inequality across gender racial ethnic and income groups When it comes to an organization like the U S military the need for ongoing learning and appreciation of the differences people bring to the team is still a work in progress Women s roles in the Army have morphed as fast as or in some cases faster than society has changed Many women have succeeded and excelled in newly accessible jobs specialties and skills Unfortunately the number of military sexual trauma MST cases to the passive or aggressive bulFacebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 lying of women in uniform continues to grow They still face stereotypes about who they are and how they perform their duties Until these negative attitudes and misogynic tendencies turn around the integrity and aptitudes of the Armed Forces are threatened Each of the military branches are updating policies and making concerted efforts through ongoing awareness trainings and requirements to turn this around Time will tell if this type of lifelong learning is resolving this type of challenge The good news is that there are programs in place that help female Veterans transition from military to civilian life to support their continuous learning and adaptation to working and living beyond the military Grace After Fire is one such organization which provides support for and helps women veterans of the U S military who are returning from active duty so that they can re engage as mothers wives and daughters in civilian life When it comes to legacy companies like Ford Bell Telephone and more recently like Microsoft and Apple their leaders espoused visions that were forward thinking Instead of trying to beat the competition and steal a share of existing demand from other automakers Ford reconstructed the industry to create a blue ocean Innovative companies like this incorporated ongoing learning opportunities for their employees and stakeholders to not only maintain their skills and capabilities but learn new ones to explore untouched opportunities Competing in overcrowded industries is no way to sustain high performance The real opportunity is to create blue oceans of uncontested market space The vision of automobiles that were ahead of its technology or hand held technologies that were ahead of its users capabilities Henry Ford and Steve Jobs both had the foresight to make it happen They had developed their teams with their own versions of continuous learning to keep progressing ahead of the competition LEARNING 41

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M ost of us have experienced being so angry with someone that we can t have a reasonable conversation so frustrated at work we aren t open to helpful feedback or so afraid others will judge us that we won t bring our ideas to the table And later we find ourselves thinking I wish I hadn t said that or I ruined that opportunity or I should have been more assertive And it s tough because hindsight is 20 20 and emotions are difficult and people well they re people Sometimes they re awesome sometimes they re not and sometimes they push your buttons like you re a game and they re trying to level up so they can have access to additional weapons or new skills or whatever I think we can all agree that controlling how others behave isn t really an option so what can you do to walk away from conversations and meetings feeling better about Collaborative or Adversarial Authentic or Trying to Please Others Excited or Fearful Reactive Friendly or Aloof Ready to Advocate or to Get Walked On Engaged or Disinterested Curious or Close minded Open to Feedback or Defensive Respectful or filled with Disdain Contempt Prepared to Learn or Expecting to be Bored Not Choosing is a Bad Choice If you don t decide how you re going to show up then you re leaving it up to the world to make that decision for you You re leaving yourself open to having other forces people situations emotions corrupt your thoughts and behaviors You are the one ultimately accountable for your words and actions so why risk leaving how you think feel and react to the whims of those around you Showing up is about ownership It s about making a conscious choice that allows you to be authentic in a way others can respect not necessarily agree with or like but still respect SHOW UP yourself How can you help to ensure a more positive outcome for you no matter what the other person says or does You can decide ahead of time how you will show up Choosing Wisely Helps to Ensure Your Success If you show up looking for a fight you re just about guaranteed to get one If you show up looking to collaborate you re more likely to get a collaborative attitude from others Sure sometimes others will be determined to bring the fight to you but if you show up in a positive way you ll be better positioned to stay out of the fray and to use your emotional intelligence to navigate the situation effectively Each day and with each opportunity to interact with others you get to choose do you want to show up as Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 to be more directive You may show up differently as a mom than you do as a boss That s all OK The key is to ensure that others can count on you to always show up with a foundation of respect kindness and authenticity If that s the foundation people can learn to expect from you then they will trust that you re coming from a good place even if the message you re bringing is unpleasant Put the Odds in Your Favor Woody Allen is quoted saying 80 of success is showing up Though I get his point I m inclined to disagree slightly I think a more reasonable breakdown is that 20 of success is showing up and 60 is how you show up Make this a daily conversation you have with yourself Each morning decide with purpose how you will show up for the day and for each encounter meeting and discussion along the way You can t afford to leave these things to chance The risk is too great and the personal consequences are too high You get to choose how you show up as an employee a coworker a boss a leader a friend a partner a mom a daughter and a sister Choose wisely Be authentic Be kind Tips for Showing Up Consider what you want the outcome to be of the conversation meeting interaction etc and then think about how you can best show up to achieve that outcome Be reasonably consistent People will feel more at ease when they know what to expect from you This doesn t always mean showing up in a way that pleases everyone Sometimes you re going to be firm and other times more flexible Sometimes you re going to be more open to input while at other times you ll have good reasons for needing Karen is a Navy Veteran nurse leader photographer inventor sort of adventurer pretend athlete wannabe writer my dog s second favorite human podcast addict sometimes socially awkward introvert Navy Nurse from 2002 2007 Deployed to Iraq with Bravo Surgical Co 1st Medical Battalion www sixmoresteps com show up 43

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HONOR W e had the pleasure of speaking with Gail Bellmont of Quilts of Honor www quiltsofhonor org and she shared with us how much she enjoys presenting Honor Quilts to women veterans Gail herself is a veteran a motor sergeant and a bugler a trumpet player in the only women s band in all of the Army a position that no longer exists Part of her duty was to play taps She had never seen a funeral home and felt it was one of the most desolate places and she was the only woman in the Honor Guard She still plays taps today and still serves on the Honor Guard She also still attends a military reunion every two years at Fort McClellan in Anniston Alabama Many of the attendees are in their 60s through 90 years old Gail also used to ride motorcycles back in the day Upon hearing we wanted to interview her for AVOW Magazine Gail s response was Really Her statement drives home one of the main points she made during our conversation Women most often tell you they don t deserve it But for Gail because Women they put up with so much stuff she loves to give to women veterans when they re the person receiving the quilt Gail remembered specifically one woman who d served during Vietnam as an electronics tech and who had mentioned to Gail The wives hated me and the men didn t want anything to do with me Another who served 10 years in the Army said I didn t really do anything I never thought of it to be proud but now I am CONTINUED ON PAGE 47 Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 45

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Each quilt is unique and patriotic in nature Quilts of Honor was founded in 2010 but the journey began in 2005 Gail is the founder and Executive Director Gail shared with us that she has one quilt at the Pentagon and one at the Women s Memorial all representing wounded warriors There is also one in Mt Vernon Her goal is to tell people there s a lot of wounded warriors it doesn t just mean you have a Purple Heart Gail shared that while she can t sew herself her mom who was a seamstress always did Her dad bought Gail a Longarm quilting machine and when she tried the machine she took to it Another lady who had a Longarm put a challenge out to the Longarmers to help wounded warriors after 9 11 and again after 2004 for the wounded coming home They d been asked to help because the Longarmers make the quilts Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 faster than many others Her godson had already done two tours in Iraq and because of what she did she started helping All quilt patterns are unique and while there are no purples greens or flowers in the quilts because the men might not care so much for the florals they are all patriotic in nature The quilts are numbered and registered with the recipient s name and the era served There are 12 Quilts of Honor chapters in different states and the quilts are shipped across the U S as needed The process is to try to get a family member or someone in the area where the veteran lives to present the quilts purchases are made wholesale the quilt top is donated and the different chapters do the rest with the batting and assembly The quilts take anywhere from a week to a month to finish and cost be tween 250 300 each Veterans eligible to receive quilts are Purple Heart recipients those suffering from post traumatic stress or traumatic brain injuries those dealing with the effects of Agent Orange and those who have served multiple tours Quilts of Honor have attended many military reunions across the states The two most recent reunions were for Vietnam Veteran POWs who were held at Hanoi Hilton during Vietnam where 85 quilts were awarded With these two reunions 115 were awarded 48 of those for Purple Heart recipients Since QOH was founded over 7000 quilts have been awarded If you are a quilter please consider reaching out to Quilts of Honor at quiltsofhonor org to become a part of their teams across the nation 47

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I ve messaged these stores asking if they ll honor veterans because women are veterans too and an auto response comes back The response is along the lines of that s a good idea My call to action is to have enough people message Sephora and Ulta in the hopes of them honoring veterans at these stores We requested Karina provide a bit more detail in hopes of featuring her project as an article in an upcoming issue of AVOW We asked if Karina could provide a little more information about what honoring veterans means to her when it comes to stores like Ulta or Sephora and what she d be looking for them to do We wondered how she went about messaging those stores via email social media or in person and how many other women she was aware of who may have also requested those stores honor women veterans We appreciate our service sisters who challenge businesses to bring women veterans to the forefront yet the challenge remained what does a woman veteran want from those stores Is it a discount like anything else a gift makeup session or something different entirely Karina delivered While attending a veteran s event she polled women to gather their input and to challenge her own bias on what women veterans want Below is her summary of the outcomes as well as her proposal 137 women voted in a small poll I put on a women veterans social media page 69 women voted for a discount Most stores typically offer 10 for veterans during the year or on Veterans Day 56 women voted for a gift bag samplers 12 voted for a service such as hair or makeup In Karina s words I can speak to some women veterans experience but by no means not all Makeup is just the surface to feminine energy Getting back into our feminine energy is both Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 fun and terrifying It s fun for some of the women who maybe were girly girls and wanted to get back into what they knew before they joined the service for others it s a foreign concept I was raised by my father uncle and my younger brother was with us Feminine energy is something I m integrating into my identity after the service Femininity is something else it s strength but in a different way it s gentler As a woman coming out of the military some of us are finding ourselves and makeup is a stop we make along the way Instead of reaching for a tool in the tool box to fix an object now we re turning our work inward and fixing ourselves It s a subtle transition Being feminine in the military was used against some of us in a way It was seen as weakness or made us a target If we had it we had to hide it It s terrifying for the ones who have made that connection to that workplace trauma they ve experienced During the healing process there s a trial period often trying some makeup on and seeing how the day goes even hoping for something uneventful may be a good day depending if any attention good or bad is perceived as unsafe Right now I can tell you that makeup is empowering me I m able to command attention in a room It was terrifying at first to have all these eyes on me but it got easier over time A woman veteran is many things but not all things Each woman veteran is different with different needs Each woman veteran has a different image of what being a woman veteran is I can tell you my image of a women veteran is a leader a shining beauty She is whole strong healing and growing I believe women veterans are leaders we need today and are just one aspect of the leadership of the future To help these leaders they need their tools Right now the tools to start off their day is to put on their warrior face whatever that looks like I have talked among women veterans and in women veterans groups on how a male veteran can go into almost any store and receive a benefit Ammo Here s a 10 discount Need some shorts Big 5 has got your back Hungry Here s a burger It s a little unbalanced don t you think I m not dissing those benefits but I want something more useful and beneficial to my gals and I Who knows maybe this change may have a larger impact than we re imagining at the moment Women veterans need to self care They ve sacrificed so much I feel that women veterans are too busy thinking about others to ask something like this for themselves I m glad to make the time My request is for any combination of a 10 discount off the total purchase for women veterans and or a sampler bag of products especially on Veterans Day We also reached out to Ulta Beauty M A C Cosmetics Smashbox Cosmetics Clinique Caudalie and Revlon to ask if they offer a veteran discount however other than canned acknowledgements and a statement from Ulta confirming they don t offer a veteran s discount we have not received responses We then polled our social media readers with the following request Where our male counterparts have the assertiveness to ask for those discounts we re aware that many women veterans do not therefore our questions to you 1 Have you asked for a discount at a cosmetics store Why why not 2 If you asked what was the response 3 What would a veteran s discount look like to you a monetary discount A travel gift A brush a palette etc 4 What are your preferred brands Regarding preferences both readers who commented preferred a total percentage discount would be more helpful than a specific item gift From our readers we learned that M A C Cosmetics offers a 10 military discount in Philadelphia Ulta near McConnell AFB and within the Greater Seattle area does not offer a discount however the Ulta in Northern Virginia does We also learned Sally Beauty offers a 5 discount at their stores and all military personnel with a valid ID are eligible for a free membership to the Sally Beauty Club Card program worth 5 A piece of advice form one reader if you have one always show your military ID as your form of identification when making a purchase some stores may not think to offer the discount if that doesn t work then ask The best way to encourage the businesses we frequent to offer that discount is to speak in volumes If you have a retail discount success story feel free to share it with us at contact avowmagazine com 49

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IAN DOOLEY Makeup Discounts We understand that military discounts may not be available at major makeup stores so we are providing this list as a way for you to shop for makeup in alternate places CVS Save 20 every time you shop online at CVS com You ll also receive FREE shipping on your online orders You re eligible to receive Veterans Advantage discounts if you ve served in any branch of service or during any period of service both wartime and peacetime Next of kin spouse mother father brother sister son or daughter also can join www cvs com content veterans advantage NONmember Kohls The in store discount rewards and celebrates active and former military personnel veterans and their families every Monday all year long Kohl s is introducing Military Mondays a 15 percent in store discount to thank active and former military personnel veterans and their families for their selflessness and service to our nation The Kohl s discount is valid in store every Monday all year long when customers show a valid Military ID Military Dependent ID or Veteran ID at the point of purchase https corporate kohls com news archive 2019 April kohl slaunches military mondays a new 15 off discount every Online Military Exchange The Exchange Online Offers Exclusive Military Pricing to Veterans PHOTO BY LR SOLYANAYA www shopmyexchange com 50 While we have checked the validity of each of these offers just prior to publishing we recommend that you the consumer contact a business prior to obtaining a discount We are not responsible for errors in company offers Fall 2019 www AVOWMagazine com

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SELF CARE TIPS FOR A BETTER YOU BY JA NET BISHOP Y ou provide plenty of time to your work and family each day but how much time do you spend on yourself You go to sleep each night with the intention of carving out some me time tomorrow Then before you know it a couple days turn into a week and a week turns into a month and the next thing that you know a month will turn into a year Now you may rationalize it by telling yourself I just need to work harder for a couple years and then I ll be able to live the good life While it may seem necessary to devote most of your time to your professional life if you want to be successful for the duration you must take care of yourself first Although you may feel that there s not enough time in the day you will benefit from these 10 self care tips for busy people When it comes to your self care you should have a measurable and consistent strategy Your self care strategy should encourage your physical emotional social and spiritual wellness When you spend too much time on any one aspect of your well being you run the risk of losing your balance You need to look at your self care as a question of self love Do you love yourself This is a serious question How do you show yourself that you love yourself Do you take a moment each day and ask yourself how your day went Do you take yourself out for a special meal every so often Do you ever plan fun activities or write in a journal Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 It probably seems silly to think of yourself this way but I want you to be honest If someone else treated you the way you treat yourself would you believe them if they told you that they loved you The truth for most of us is we wouldn t Love is an action word Love is more than a word or a feeling it is an action You have limited time in your busy day so these self care tips are meant to be completed within a short amount of time each day Don t feel pressured to add all of these self care tips to your daily routine But it is recommended that you add at least one self care strategy for your overall wellness 1 Embrace Sleep This is not the first time you have heard someone tell you how important sleep is and I am sure it will not be the last time Of course late at night is when the kids go to sleep or when things begin to slow down so it s natural that you may want to use this time to catch up However when it comes to your self care to perform at peak efficiency you need to get the proper amount of sleep In order to ensure you get the proper amount of sleep each night you should make a night routine Start by setting the time you want to wake up then determine what time you need to go to sleep For example if you need eight hours of sleep and want to wake up at 7 a m then you need to be asleep by 11 p m Now that you know the time you need to be asleep make a list of what needs to be done before you do the tasks Whether that is an email for work or helping the kids with their nighttime routine you want to allow for enough time for these activities so that you won t be awake past your bedtime Developing a night routine is certainly a good idea 2 Start Moving Studies have proven that exercising reduces the chance of developing heart disease stroke or diabetes However did you know that exercise also protects your memory and thinking skills Studies suggest that the part of your brain that controls your thinking and memory have greater volume in people who exercise The recommended amount of exercise per week is 150 minutes Start small and work your way up 3 Nurture Your Taste Buds There are plenty of nutrients in fruits and vegetables The problem is most people do not have the proper amount of nutrients in their food As a result you supplement with vitamins to receive the nutrients you need Supplementing is always an option but you also need to eat foods with a high nutritional value 4 Take a Vacation or a Stay cation You may be thinking that you do not have time or maybe the extra funds to take a vacation and you may be right Oftentimes 65

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people sacrifice their health to attain wealth and then spend their wealth trying to buy back their health Don t increase stress in your life to the extent that you make yourself sick You do not have to take a cruise or anything grand You can simply take an afternoon and promise yourself to not answer any calls or check any emails Take a break from technology Have a stay cation Spend that time as you see fit You can use that time to decompress and do something that you enjoy How about watching that movie or finishing that book you didn t have time to read It s all up to you as long as you re disconnecting from the stresses of your normal life plish mindful meditation in as little as a few minutes All you need to do is focus on the present One of the easiest ways to practice mindful meditation is to focus on one of your five senses particularly breathing Your senses are always in the present so focusing on them will help you to be mindful of what is going on in the here and now The benefits of mindful meditation are numerous It can help you to increase your ability to regulate emotions as well as manage your stress and anxiety 5 Have an Attitude of Gratitude Do one nice thing for yourself every day It can be as grand or modest as you want By taking the time to treat yourself to something nice you re teaching yourself that you re worth it You matter It is important for you to have a positive self image of yourself By adding this self care tip you will increase your confidence and boost your overall self esteem Each morning it is a great idea to start your day by giving thanks This self care tip can be done while you re praying taking a shower or driving to work You simply think about three things you re grateful for in your life Many people feel and express gratitude in various ways They can apply it to the past retrieving positive memories and being thankful for parts of their childhood or past blessings the present appreciating good fortune as it occurs and the future keeping a hopeful and optimistic attitude 6 It Is Okay to Say No People pleasing tendencies are inside all of us If you have ever gone along to get along then you need to start saying no more It is physically and emotionally draining to do something that you really don t want to do Here s some good news you can say no It s ok if someone may not like you as much Here s your reality doing something that you don t want to do is only forcing people and activities into your life that you could do without at this time That is why it s critical for you to be your authentic self in all interactions You will save plenty of time and money when you re honest and let people know how you feel 7 Connect with Your Inner Self Mindful meditation is a powerful selfcare tip for the busy person You can accom 66 8 Put You at the Top of Your To Do List 9 Lift Your Heart In Laughter All you need to do is laugh Even if you do not find anything particularly funny laugh anyway Laughing can improve your mood and it is also shown that people who laugh live longer Even though it may feel unnatural to laugh when you do not find anything funny your silly laugh can turn into a real laugh Stay connected to your inner child 10 Focus on Your Mindset It is important to ensure you have the proper mindset on a daily basis You ve probably heard of some of the benefits of having a vision board If you have not already done so I encourage you to take some time to create a vision board In the meantime I know how busy we can be here s the next best thing Decorate your work space with pictures of your friends and family Or decorate your desk with pictures of your favorite places events or activities These images are going to be a positive reminder of the things that you en joy in life and will help to empower you with a positive mindset Final Thoughts You do not need to add all 10 self care tips into your life but you can start by adding one at a time and setting goals to improve along the way Ideally you will have created a self care plan that includes tips which address your physical emotional social and spiritual well being Remember build your inner strength by prioritizing yourself to live your best life Dr Ja net Bishop Ed D CPEC As a national speaker author veteran personal growth trainer and resilience coach Dr Ja net Bishop is on a mission to transform lives As the Founder and Transition Strategist of Boots to Breakthrough LLC Dr Bishop s coaching speaking and workshops elevate purpose driven people to achieve a balance between personal and professional success through embracing wellness and self care As a wife mother experienced school principal and school counselor and as a certified life coach she is familiar with transitions and redesigning your life to fulfill your goals She has been featured in SKIRT Magazine Focus on Fabulous Magazine and the Columbia County News Times Georgia She authored How Much Joy Is In Your Journey A Creative Guide to Your Fearless Vision and is also a contributing author in If She Can an anthology devoted to resilient women She was awarded a SCORE Veterans Grant and was recognized in 2017 by the McCormick Chamber of Commerce as a Keeper of the Flame www BootsToBreakthrough com Spring 2020 www AVOWMagazine com

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MY MILITARY RESOURCES WEBSITES va gov womenvet Center for Women Veterans Monitor and coordinate VA s administration of health care and benefits services and programs for women Veterans womenshealth va gov Women Veterans Health Care Learn more about the changing face of women Veterans and what VA is doing to meet their health care needs dol gov agencies vets womenveterans The Women Veteran Program monitors the employment situation of women veterans to ensure DOL VETS programs serve women veterans and male veterans equitably aapf org black women veterans Join us for a conversation where we explore the under discussed marginalization and abuse of Black women who serve and protect our country womenveteransalliance com The premier women veterans network focused on directly impacting the quality of life of women veterans Creating a community both online and off line including local women veteran networking groups community events and national conferences world wide which provide opportunities to connect and grow Searchable directories for women veterans Organizations womenveteransalliance org allies Resources womenveteransalliance org resources Women Vet owned businesses womenveteransalliance org women veteran owned business directory veteranwomensec org To position women veteran business owners Active Duty Reservist and or military spouses as our nation s leading small business revenue generators and employers calvet ca gov calvet programs women veterans The mission of the CalVet division for Women Veterans Affairs is to provide information advocacy outreach and support to Women Veterans and their families Facebook com AVOWMagazine Spring 2020 americanwomenveterans org American Women Veterans is the nation s preeminent non partisan 501 c 3 nonprofit organization dedicated to serving honoring and empowering military women veterans and their families AWV welcomes veterans and supporters from all eras and branches of service minorityvets org Minority Veterans of America The primary underrepresented groups that MVA serves are veterans of color womxn LGBTQ and religious and non religious minorities We believe that through bringing these four minority groups together we can build a veteran community that encompasses veterans from a wide range of diverse backgrounds and experiences SOCIAL MEDIA Facebook com VeteranWomenSEC Facebook com AmericanWomenVeterans Facebook com WomenVeteransAlliance PHONE NUMBERS Women Veterans Call Center WVCC 855 829 6636 National Suicide Hotline 1 800 273 TALK 8255 Stop Soldier Suicide IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU MAY HARM YOURSELF OR SOMEONE ELSE please contact the Crisis Lifeline at 1 800 273 8255 Press 1 for veterans text 838255 call 911 or proceed to the nearest emergency room 67

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