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Insider PATH TO RESILIENCE VICTORY OVER CANCER How one woman found her path to resilience after her kidnapping How one woman found joy after TWO cancer diagnoses OCTOBER 2021 GRIEF AFTER THE LOSS OF A CHILD How one mother found hope after losing her infant daughter
Monthly Contributors Cali Binstock Art Director Lynn Binstock Copy Editor Lorilee Binstock Editor in Chief Dear Readers October is filled with so many important causes to recognize that we could hardly fit them all in one issue Our prosecutors from the No Grey Zone Podcast contribute a piece for National Domestic Abuse Prevention Month to recognize the signs and how to prevent such abuse Melissa Hoppmeyer Prosecutor POV Contributor What kind of trauma do people suffer when diagnosed with cancer We have an inspiring piece for Breast Cancer Awareness Month from Rosie Mankes as she shares how she found her joy after TWO cancer diagnoses Kathryn Marsh Prosecutor POV Contributor It s also Pregnancy Infant Loss Awareness month a heavy topic but how do we talk to a friend family member or stranger who has experienced such grief The answer may not be as complicated as you think Roya Pilcher shares her difficult journey towards healing in this issue with a link to her interview with A Trauma Survivor Thriver s Podcast In our Gen Z POV Daniela Ghelman shares her path to resilience after she was kidnapped at the age of 16 Kathy Picard Author of Life With My Idiot Family and childhood sexual abuse survivor releases a children s book and offers tips to keep children safe Daniela Ghelman Gen Z POV Contributor And how do you heal the wounds of sexual trauma One way is Somatic Yoga Kaity Holsapple shares her own personal story and how this modality changed her life Happy Reading Always instock Lorilee B LORILEE BINSTOCK EDITOR IN CHIEF Authentic Insider Page 02 Joy Larkin Twin Flames Readings Contributor
October Contributors Kathryn Marsh Contributor Roya Pilcher Contributor Kaity Holsapple Contributor Rosie Mankes Contributor Authentic Insider Page 03
TABLE OF CONTENTS IN THIS ISSUE Life After Cancer 09 Hope After the Loss of a Child 13 Healing Sexual Wounds 22 Supporting Children to Thrive 26 ADHD Awareness 31 What is Emotional Intelligence 34 22 IN EVERY ISSUE Editor s Note 05 Prosecutors POV Domestic Abuse Learn the Signs 06 Gen Z POV Path to Resilience 17 Healing Through Art Prompt 37 AIM Playlist Emotional Awareness Songs 40 Recommended Books 41 Joy s Readings 43 09 13 Authentic Insider Page 04
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Domestic Violence Awareness Month Learn the Signs E By Kathryn Marsh Melissa Hoppmeyer very year we recognize October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month A dedicated time to reflect on the dangers of domestic violence or Intimate Partner Violence or IPV and the long term impact it has on our entire community We need to use this time to remember the victims we have lost and to applaud the survivors who were able to leave a dangerous situation We also need to take this time to highlight the continued pervasiveness of domestic violence We know that everyone knows someone directly impacted by domestic violence whether they are aware of it or not As prosecutors who focus on domestic violence every day October is a time to raise awareness and to educate on this truly important issue that is still so often kept behind closed doors It takes a survivor on average 7 times before they are able to leave their abuser Domestic Violence does not discriminate based upon gender gender identity sexuality ethnicity race religion geography or socio economic class Domestic Violence affects our families our friends and our co workers According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced physical violence by an intimate partner and on average nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner IPV accounts for 15 of our country s violent crime These statistics are staggering yet still underreported It takes a survivor on average 7 times before they are able to leave their abuser The loss associated with domestic violence is staggering And yet how many of us know the signs to look out for How many of us can recognize the red flags Unfortunately this is a conversation we have too often with families and loved ones who have lost someone to domestic violence They didn t recognize the signs they didn t know that certain behaviors were actually controlling or isolating and not signs of love We encourage everyone to check out No Grey Zone s interview with Bill Mitchell this month He lost his daughter to dating violence and has since written the book When Dating Hurts to try and help other parents and friends to recognize some of these red flag behaviors Authentic Insider Page 06
Recent research has shown that children as young as 11 are now experiencing some forms of dating violence Recognizing the patterns signs and red flags associated with IPV is a key component to ending it Organizations like One Love Foundation and It s On Us are recognizing that the key to eradicating this public health crisis is through education They have created online tools to help educate us and even more importantly our children about the signs of a healthy and unhealthy relationship Recent research has shown that children as young as 11 are now experiencing some forms of dating violence One Love Foundation focuses on educating our kids ages middle school and up providing high quality educational tools like videos and ice breakers that discuss the 10 healthy and 10 unhealthy signs of a relationship Focusing on things like intensity possessiveness belittling and deflecting responsibility to highlight what friends and parents can look out for in others relationships It also gives kids the power to selfreflect and recognize the unhealthy signs in themselves or their relationships But teaching only unhealthy signs would be only half of the equation One Love also focuses on healthy signs like comfortable pace trust respect equality and healthy conflict These signs are explained at a pace and level kids can understand and apply to their everyday life One Love is focused on getting this free educational tool into every classroom because they believe that Love is Learned and that we must educate in order to eradicate One Love Foundation also has a short film called Escalation that we encourage all parents and teens to see This film based on too many true stories highlights an unhealthy relationship that ended in tragedy and all the signs the friends missed or were too uncomfortable to speak up and say something at the time Learning that we all can play a role in ending Domestic and Intimate Partner Violence is key It s On Us which began as an organization dedicated to eradicating sexual violence on campus recognizes that sexual violence is closely tied to IPV and have expanded their platform to include education about it on college campuses The first step is to educate students about the dangers of relationship violence and the early warning signs of an abusive or unhealthy relationship as they arrive on campus It s on Us empowers students to get involved get educated and intervene hoping that bystanders can help end sexual and physical violence on campus So this October in recognition and honor of Domestic Violence Awareness month take the time and learn the signs If you already know them then take the time to share with a friend a colleague and or a family member Advocate for education in your schools in your kids schools Please tune in to the No Grey Zone Podcast this month as we highlight different experts in this field We can end domestic violence in our lifetime Each death is preventable Each act of abuse can be stopped but only if we arm ourselves our loved ones and our neighbors with information This October let s learn the signs Don t hesitate to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 800 799 SAFE 7233 or at their website thehotline org if you or a loved one needs help Please contact RRC rightresponseconsulting com if you have any questions that we can answer For more information check out the No Grey Zone Podcast Authentic Insider Page 07
It is ve a rt im ry o d f o n ill p re e e s s te s o n ti it se n a rt p s o si c g re t a le a a re t nd ve ha n c nt ha t nt d nd r a o t re la e th e ve w ur v ti w e o m e xi o lo rr i l ng y e ns p t s i ut o Authentic Insider Page 08 N t o ns m f a c o t ug it fo rn o o hr g in nd so re le a th llo a p T H y ny hr w a us to nl c h e n fi nd IC b H le N H A c to us s ro o ni d m T H s A N H
Becoming Myself Again Reclaiming My Story After Trauma After a breast cancer diagnosis I had to undergo an intensely traumatic double mastectomy This is the story of my recovery By Rosie Mankes Author of Find Your Joy Run with it W When trauma occurs a person loses their sense of self and their ability to tell their own story Recovery only begins when you are able to fully understand what happened to you When I was diagnosed with breast cancer five years ago I had to undergo a double mastectomy which was a truly devastating time in my life It took a long time for me to reclaim my story and to become myself again When we talk about recovery from cancer we often hear about the clinical side of things Emotional recovery from cancer is not as prevalent of a subject even though it is equally important Not all experiences with cancer are equally traumatic and my experience is definitely not among the worst cases But it was traumatic nonetheless This was my second cancer diagnosis Years earlier I had been diagnosed with lung cancer and ten percent of my lung had to be removed But breast cancer was a different story for me Although diagnosed early I learned that I would have to undergo a double mastectomy and this felt very personal I wasn t as emotionally impacted when I had part of my right lung removed because I don t look down every day and see my lungs My breasts on the other hand were a part of my identity They were part of what made me a woman They were one or rather two of the reasons I felt attractive to my husband and they were being taken away from me to ultimately save my life but it was still devastating Authentic Insider Page 09 NOMADIC 24
The First Step Social Anxiety The Second Step Learning to Stay Present When time came to reenter the world after my operation I couldn t help but feel changed a different person than I was before I no longer knew who I was As humans we tend to think about things and ourselves in terms of a narrative When trauma occurs that narrative gets taken away from us Our sense of identity becomes splintered I quickly realized that I was driving myself crazy making up scenarios in my head I realized that I spent months trying to learn how to be me again That s when I discovered mindfulness meditation Before my operation being in a room full of people came naturally to me But that changed I no longer wanted to be the focus I shied away from the spotlight People would come up to me and instead of saying How are you they would directly say Oh I heard To cope with this unexpected social anxiety I had to rehearse telling people about what happened to me repeat it to myself before facing them and mentally prep myself I was completely lost In social settings I felt like people were looking down at my chest When I told my close ones about this they told me it was all in my head But when I had ten percent of my lungs removed no one looked there I had to work hard to become social again and to feel comfortable around people Talking to someone who is going through the same thing has a special kind of power Meditation helped me learn to stay present in the moment without being so anxious about what the future would bring I learned to take in whatever was around me using all five senses feeling my feet hit the ground hearing the birds chirping seeing really seeing a sunset smelling the pine trees and tasting my strawberry lip balm I had to learn to get out of my own head because at that point my head wasn t a good place to be and it helped I was no longer wrapped up in the anxiety of not knowing who I was Meditation allowed for a distancing with the chaos that my mind had become Finally I was able to talk to my closest friends about the trauma of my double mastectomy Authentic Insider Page 10
The Third Step Support Systems I was lucky to have an excellent support system that stayed with me the whole way through The biggest shift happened for me when a friend asked me to talk to a friend of hers who had breast cancer Her friend couldn t stop crying I agreed to talk to her Talking to someone who is going through the same thing has a special kind of power Even your doctor will never truly know what it s like but a fellow survivor will For example before my double mastectomy I didn t realize how many muscles were connected to my breasts After the operation you can t move your arms in the same way You start realizing you take some mobility for granted The woman that I spoke with feared that she would have permanent restrictions with her arms I was grateful for all the little things that I used to take for granted the birds fluttering in my backyard the majestic beauty of the trees the love of my family the warmth of the sun I no longer cared about superficial things I craved meaning Before cancer I took these things for granted and didn t stop to take them in or embrace them Now when I go to a concert I don t try to record it and take pictures to show how great my life is on social media I just stay there I rock out to the music and I appreciate the experience that is unfolding before me The gift of the present moment is so powerful This would have never happened had I not been a cancer survivor This is how I reclaimed my story and became myself again I knew exactly what that felt like and by that point in time I had regained some of that mobility myself I was able to tell her You will get through this and heal And as I told her this I started to believe it myself The Fourth Step My New Story I had reconstructive surgery on my breasts with a wonderful surgeon and I started feeling like myself again When you come out of an experience like this you gain a new respect for life as clich as that might sound I started realizing I wanted to live in the present with gratefulness for what I had without thinking about the next thing Authentic Insider Page 11
Jessi Hooks Cancer survivor Authentic Insider Page 12
The Wave of Grief Healing after the Loss of a Child M By Roya Pilcher ay 24th 2010 was the day that my daughter Ava was supposed to finally come home from the NICU after seven long months Instead of walking out of the NICU full of joy with our daughter that day we walked out of the NICU in a daze with her blanket and a name sign made by one of her NICU nurses so many months before Our time in the NICU had been so difficult For months we waited while Ava born at 29 weeks grew But although her body did grow her lungs not ready for the world when she was born never really developed puzzling her doctors What was predicted to be a three month stay dragged on until finally after six long months one of her doctors gave us the green light to take her home The day was planned about a month in advance to give us time to prepare our home as Ava would be coming home on oxygen and a feeding tube and would need round the clock nursing care We were so excited we didn t care I just couldn t wait to be able to walk into our home with my baby girl in my arms Our last good day was Mother s Day I remember it so well It was a beautiful day and Washington DC was in all its spring glory I spent the day in her room holding her while sitting in a rocking chair Frank Sinatra playing on the little speakers we had set up She barely needed any supplemental oxygen that day and I just knew things were finally headed in the right direction Close to one week into her being on life support one of her doctors finally said what we still didn t see It was time to say goodbye Fast forward a few days later and Ava s oxygen needs had steadily been increasing The doctors were unsure as to why adjusting her meds with no results Finally one of her doctors told us that she needed to be intubated something we had never had to do before Our family and her healthcare providers stood helplessly by as her oxygen needs kept increasing until she was fully on life support Even with this she had several episodes where her oxygen saturation levels plummeted to dangerously Authentic Insider Page 13
low levels Close to one week into her being on life support one of her doctors finally said what we still didn t see It was time to say goodbye In the weeks and months that followed I alternated between being in a daze and sobbing I craved her feel her sounds her smell After about six months the daze and disbelief started to lift and that s when the grief really took hold It didn t ease its grip for about three years I had been a survivor all my life having lived through a difficult and abusive childhood I thought that I could handle this on my own but as time went on I was unable to control my own emotions I was angry all the time and overwhelmingly sad no matter how hard I tried to put on a brave face Finally overcome with all the grief I hadn t processed I started to have panic attacks That s when I knew I needed to truly work through my loss with the help of a professional and my primary care physician I reclaimed a little of who I was before we lost Ava something I know she would have wanted It is a decision I wish I had come to sooner Immediately my doctor put me on medication for depression which helped to lift a little of the constant fog of sadness It was then I was able to really throw myself into therapy with the right therapist and go through all of the steps of grief I reclaimed a little of who I was before we lost Ava something I know she would have wanted But I also became a new person who held Ava s memory within her while still living a worthwhile life Authentic Insider Page 14
In the years since I have welcomed two children built my dental practice celebrated my tenth anniversary with a vow renewal and moved into my dream home I by all accounts have a wonderful life that I so desperately wish I could share with Ava And somehow I think I am sharing it with her While she is not physically here she is never too far from my thoughts I think she gives me little signs now and then I think she would be proud of our family by but each wave is still as strong as the first I have found this to be true but with the right support I am able to ride each wave as it comes In between the waves she is right here with me living in my heart For More on Roya Pilcher The Ava Potter Pilcher Foundation Check out her Interview on A Trauma Survivor Thriver s Podcast A friend who also lost their infant once said to me that the grief of losing a child is like a wave that keeps coming Relentless and constant in the beginning and then further apart as time goes Issue 30 234 Authentic Insider Page 15 with the right support I am able to ride each wave as it comes In between the waves she is right here with me living in my heart
Walk on walk on with hope in your heart and you ll never walk alone Rodgers and Hammerstein Carousel Authentic Insider Page 16
MY PATH TO RESILIENCE By Daniela Ghelman P eople are not aware of what it means for their life to suddenly change overnight It sounds crazy even silly to think that from a moment to the next you have become a completely different person a person that you didn t expect due to experiences you never thought could happen to you That s precisely what happened to me To tell you my story and how I got here you must first know who I am I was born and raised in Caracas Venezuela one of the most beautiful cities on Earth in my opinion but also the most dangerous Ironic right When I was 16 years old I was living my life like any other girl my age I was focused on school my daily activities my family and my friends During my years in Venezuela my family and I were lucky enough to live in a little bubble where despite knowing that our country was falling apart we had everything we needed to be happy Authentic Insider Page 17
When I was 16 reality shook me and destroyed This is just how it works in Venezuela Due to a that peace and innocence in me on a Sunday corrupt dictatorship there is no food no night in May 2016 I was kidnapped medicines no employment nothing and unfortunately low income people seek these From the moment it happened even when I was still in the car where the kidnappers held me for several hours and where I needed to hide so that no one would find out what they were doing I began to wonder Why me Why do I have to go through this What did I do wrong Five years have passed since I thought that my extreme solutions to survive I was angry at the universe because I was trying so hard to find an explanation and I just could not moment had come I thought I would never see When I got home that night I did not assimilate my mom my sisters and my friends again Five what had happened I ate something took a years since I had to suddenly grow up and go shower and went to bed And I slept well But the through a process of overcoming trauma But if next day my parents needed to take my sisters to there is something that I have learned along the school together because they were also going way something of course that did not hit me at through the same trauma and I was left alone at first but about three or four years later is that it home It was then when it all hit me I couldn t does not matter what happened to you but what even hold all the crying shaking and fear in my you do about it body and I asked my parents never to leave me alone again I am lucky to say that I came back home safe and sound Nothing bad happened to me and that The months that followed were full of fear of not my kidnappers only needed money to feed their wanting to leave my home of not wanting to families Authentic Insider Page 18
wrote endless pages about how I felt and I think that s what probably saved me But I was upset I was angry at the universe because I was trying so hard to find an explanation and I just could not I used to see my friends and think that they were still them That while they were happy and going to bed full of innocence and tranquility I was not For so many years I felt like I didn t have a purpose like I didn t live in my own self Like I was drowning waiting to see the day I could finally feel peace again Suddenly it came when I least expected it I ve become this strong unbreakable woman I guess time helps people move on although being kidnapped will always be a part of me and I accept spend time with my friends and of not wanting and understand that I realized now that it was to talk about what happened Of course the something that had to happen and I m not talking feeling of guilt took over me It was because of about God or destiny It s just that I ve learned so me that I had to leave the house that night so much about myself I ve become this strong in my head it only made sense that it was all unbreakable woman For inexplicable reasons I was my fault and then millions of unanswered abruptly forced to mature and prepare myself for questions came up I once asked a holistic the world that was out there outside my little rabbi Other times I used to discuss with people bubble who seemed to know about religion whether I should continue to believe in God and trust After five years of profound meditation and deep me I ve always taken my Jewishness very conversations with myself I realized that the seriously kidnapping made me who I am today It made me have both feet firmly on the ground It made me feel It s funny because each person has their own determined It even made me understand that life is coping mechanism I didn t go to therapy made for us to suffer and to grow from that Instead I wrote I wrote and wrote and suffering to a better Authentic Insider Page 19
I chose to wake up every morning feeling grateful for what I have and for whom I have by my side version of yourself It s crazy but one of the reasons I chose journalism as my career is because after writing page after page of what happened I realized that I love writing and want to use my voice to fight injustices like mine in countries so broken and lost like mine I do not know if I was meant to be resilient but I guess it is something I chose to be I chose to wake up every morning feeling grateful for what I have and who I have by my side I choose to look myself in the mirror and not let the kidnapping make me feel small and insecure but brave and humble I chose to see the world from a different perspective It helped me understand that life is so fragile and so unexpected that the best thing I could ve ever chosen to do was keep living Authentic Insider Page 20
Give Compassion Every day the average person fights epic battles never told just to survive Ken Poirot Authentic Insider Page 21
T H E A L I N G S E X U A L W O U N D S By Kaity Holsapple The memory of sexual trauma lives in the body If you ve been impacted by sexual assault sexual abuse rape sexual medical trauma negative or painful sexual experiences or discrimination based on your sexuality sexual organs it is more than likely your body carries around the impacts of the experience s even if your conscious mind does not Furthermore the impacts of sexual trauma can be passed down through generations just as much as through firsthand traumatic experiences Due to unfortunate social and cultural conditioning most humans experience limited and or distorted expressions of their sexuality Sexual expression is deeply connected to unprocessed and unconscious traumas of all types as the sexual layer of your being is one of the closest in connection to the subconscious mind Authentic Insider Page 22
Sexual wounding carries with it shrouds of shame guilt blame rage and grief After sexual trauma it can at times feel as though a core and vital part of your human experience or Soul has been lost one that is deeply connected to your ability to enjoy receive and experience intimacy in your life and relationships There is no timeline for this sort of healing other than the timeline of your own body s readiness This fractures the sense of trust you are able to have within yourself and the world Whether it be conscious or unconscious or yours or your ancestor s the wounding created by sexual trauma runs deep As you begin the journey of healing there is an equal magnitude of depth that can be found as you reclaim your inherent sexual innocence purity pleasure and aliveness This is big work and has the potential to be a very restorative experience albeit there are absolutely challenging gritty and painful parts to the process It can feel overwhelming to know where to begin in pursuit of healing sexual wounds and reclaiming your birthright to pleasure safety and ease in your sexual expression Since the memory of sexual trauma is carried in the tissues of the body you must return to the wisdom of the body on the path of healing The memory of the body is so much more powerful than any memories in the mind and from my experience is the most fertile ground to work with in the pursuit of healing and if desired moving beyond healing trauma into actualizing your fullest sexual potential It is also true that connecting with the body can feel radically unsafe especially when intense sensations related to trauma are still present and alive Gentleness slowness and compassion are key for starting down the path of embodied sexual healing There is no timeline for this sort of healing other than the timeline of your own body s readiness I have experienced this firsthand through my own experience of healing from severe PTSD after sexual trauma Through the wisdom and intuition of my body s healing process I channeled a trauma healing process called Somatic Yoga Therapy to support others in healing from the impacts of sexual physical and relational wounding The primary goal of Somatic Yoga Therapy is to restore your connection to the safety and intuition that resides within your body through gentle movement awareness and mindfulness practices that support rewiring the neural networks that keep you in a traumatized state Once a foundation of inner safety and intuition are established we can move forward into the realm of trauma integration and Soul Retrieval Authentic Insider Page 23
From this wisdom connection organic impulses for healing naturally arise Somatic Yoga Therapy is an individualized healing process that encourages you to drop into a deep connection to the intuitive wisdom within your own body From this wisdom connection organic impulses for healing naturally arise These impulses are supported by a myriad of tools and resources from the yoga tradition such as movement sound healing energy work or breathwork that encourage a full discharge of energy As this energetic release begins more Soul Power a k a Self energy youness shakti or aliveness is able to take root in the body This act of Soul Retrieval supports the deepest most sustained healing possible and supports you in embodying your fullest selfexpression in life love health and beyond There are 4 foundational pillars in the Somatic Yoga Therapy process 1 Rescue Gently guide your body back to a sense of safety and presence Learn how to cultivate safety grounded ness security compassion and be at ease in your own skin 2 Replenish Nourish yourself by learning to be sweet slow and soft with yourself You ve gone through a LOT Now is the time to rest and replenish so you can have more bandwidth to heal 3 Release Integrate the traumatic imprint so you can fully embody the shiny bright human you were born to be Let go and release the past one breath and sensation at a time 4 Reclaim Retrieve what has been lost such as your sexuality your power and purpose your joy and will to live These lost gifts are deeply connected to your Soul Essence and its ability to come home to your body for you to feel more and more YOU We can t change what has happened but we can integrate the experience and move forward without getting stuck in the shutdown pain dissociation anger and triggers of the past Through healing sexual trauma women begin a vital initiation into more Soul Power and aliveness than they ve ever known I know and believe this because it has been my direct experience while healing myself and supporting my clients A woman healed and supported in her empowered sexuality benefits the entire collective in powerful ways In this sense beginning your journey of sexual healing is community activism just as much as it is individualized healing Authentic Insider Page 24
The wound is the place where the Light enters you Rumi Authentic Insider Page 25
SUPPORTING KIDS TO THRIVE by Kathy Picard Author of the Children s Book I Love You So Much That and Life with My Idiot Family A True Story of Survival Courage and Justice Over Childhood Sexual Abuse Keeping ALL children safe should be on everyone s radar I know too well that when I was a young child it wasn t on my parents radar I have been a sexual abuse prevention advocate for over 20 years It s easier to not talk about it and pretend it never happened Many times the nervous scared and sad child does not get the help they need When this happens the child only remembers the words she he were told when being abused Don t talk about it Don t tell because you will not be believed you will be punished your parents will get divorced your pets will be taken from you and many more words that DO make a child turn silent I was told these words and I was silent for the ten years of sexual abuse by my stepfather Age 7 to 17 I was silent until I finally stood up for myself and told this monster This has to stop It s not right Then the begging came Kathy just one more time he d say I would stand up for myself and say If you ask me again I will tell This is how my abuse stopped I did tell my grandma about my abuse at age 9 However she told me Shhh Kathy We don t talk about this By hearing this I would think my stepfather was right and that we don t talk about this My next time telling would be at the age of 28 to my aunt Judi my mother s sister who would also tell me not to talk about what my stepfather had done to me because she didn t trust my Idiot family I promised her I wouldn t tell and I didn t I kept this dirty secret until I was 38 years old It wasn t until my Aunt Judi passed away that I spoke up I always wanted to write my own Children s book and after 13 months of writing and working with D Louise Nicholson it was published on August 4 2021 on Amazon in a paperback version Barnes and Noble has it in Hardcover and two more versions will be made The book will be Paw Signed by my dog Abby who is featured on many of the 40 pages in the book It s an enchanting story written with warmth and purpose about what love is and does to keep children safe With soft simple illustrations and meaningful text this beautiful story Authentic Insider Page 26
focuses on keeping children aware of what caring adults expect teach and share It should be read shared and talked about often This will certainly help young minds to understand what is and isn t love The book is dedicated to two young children Molly Bish and Danny Croteau who s lives were taken from them at a young age Molly August 2 1983 June 27 2000 was only sixteen years old when she disappeared while working as a lifeguard in her home town of Warren Massachusetts Her remains were found three years later Police believe Bish was murdered and several suspects have been publicly identified but the case remains officially unresolved as of 2021 Danny was found deceased on April 15 1972 in the Connecticut River in Chicopee still dressed in his clothes from his previous school day at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart school The search for answers and proof of what happened to Danny has ensued for over 49 years On May 24 2021 50 years after police discovered the dead body of 13year old Danny floating in the Chicopee River it was said that Croteau s killer was former Catholic priest Richard Lavigne a convicted sex offender who died May 21 2021 in a hospital facility in Greenfield Writing the Children s book was so meaningful for me as the author and my mission to protect children as well as the Illustrator who knew the Croteau family and also wants to make all children as safe as they can be I know this resource can be read to kids to do just that There are many things that can help to protect children the list on the following page is just some of them Authentic Insider Page 27
Cover Art Copyright 2021 D Louise Nicholson All Rights Reserved 10 Tips to Keep Children Safe from Sexual Abuse 1 No secrets Period Encourage children to tell you about things that happen to them that make them feel scared sad or uncomfortable 2 Don t dress children in clothing or accessories with their name on it Customized clothing breeds familiarity which can create a false sense of trust If a stranger approaches a child and says Jenny your Mom told me to bring you home for dinner the child may be more inclined to go along because this person knows their name ex name on backpack 3 Teach a child the correct terms for their body parts Teach the correct term for the body parts using vagina or penis This will make children more at ease if they need to tell you about a touch that made them feel uncomfortable A disclosure may be missed if a child uses a word like cookie to disclose their private parts A busy teacher who hears a child say He touched my cookie might just offer the child another cookie instead of offering help Inform children that the parts of their body covered by their bathing suit are private and are for no one else to see or touch exceptions include bathing potty issues and medical exams in the presence of Mom or Dad Keep in mind that children may be confronted with another child who touches their private parts Explain that private parts are private from everyone including other children Tell them if someone touches them inappropriately they should tell a parent or teacher right away 4 Practice what if scenarios Ask your child What would you do if someone offered you a treat or a gift when I am not around Help the child arrive at the right answer which is to say no and ask you first Parents also should encourage children to walk or run away in this situation and tell someone 5 Teach your child their name address and phone number at an early age Start teaching children at an early age their name address and phone number When young children are separated from their parents even for a short time they are potential targets for child predators If a child has their parent s cell phone number the child can be reunited with the parent faster 6 Prepare a child with what to do if they get lost Find a safe person such as a police officer someone in the store with a store uniform or nametag on Also remind children to stay in the general area where they last saw you so you can find them when you retrace your steps 7 Internet Safety Check out National Center for Missing Exploited Children netsmartz 411 org Install a safety browser on your computer so that you can make the decisions about which websites are appropriate for children to view Authentic Insider Page 28
10 Tips to Keep Children Safe from Sexual Abuse Teach child never to give out their last name address or phone number to a person on the Internet and never to meet Internet friends in person without a parent s supervision and consent Always keep your computer in a public area of your house not in a child s bedroom 8 Let children decide for themselves how they want to express affection Children should not be forced to hug or kiss if they are uncomfortable even if they are your favorite aunt uncle or cousin Maybe there is a reason they don t wish to give them a kiss or hug 9 Teach your child that adults do not need to ask children for help Predators use tricks to lure children For example asking them to help find a lost pet give directions or help carry something When talking to a child use these examples as part of your what if scenarios 10 Teach children the buddy system Children should learn that it is safer to be with a friend or trusted adult than to be alone Teach children to trust their feelings If something doesn t feel right they should get away and tell someone about it immediately The saying is true if you see something say do something it really could save a child s life I hope you read and share my children s book I love you so much that and kindly do an Amazon Review to support my cause I can be reached at Kathychildadvocate gmail com Authentic Insider Page 29
Find someone who is proud to have you scared to lose you fights for you appreciates you respects you cares for you and loves you unconditionally Authentic Insider Page 30
ADHD Overlooked my late diagnosis and hidden symptoms I CALI BINSTOCK wasn t convinced that my ADHD diagnosis was correct because I didn t understand all of the aspects of it When I narrowed my research to how it presents in women and girls especially with inattention or combined ADHD I felt seen see the ADDitude questions below All of the areas I ve struggled with my entire life made sense and I was on a path to treatment It can be easily missed if a child doesn t have the hyperactive behaviors associated with ADHD is smart and has support to keep them on track Without support the struggle arises which happened with me in college The not so well known aspects of ADHD are what really interested me and made me realize the complexity of the disorder Maybe you know that ADHD is characterized by differences in the brain a lack of dopamine leading ADHDers to seek stimulation to fill that void These differences in the brain create issues with executive function and working memory It is the lack of stimulation in the brain that makes stimulants a worthwhile medication for treatment although not the only option or the cure all Skills tools and strategies are so helpful as well as cognitive behavioral therapy to learn new pathways for changing behaviors I was diagnosed with depression as a teen Now I wonder if my ADHD had been addressed earlier maybe I wouldn t have endured the guilt and shame I experienced when I felt like a constant failure I was often told I was wasting my potential which I didn t realize was so common for ADHDers to hear until I joined online communities I could get by in school even though I was doodling and daydreaming away the hours in classes At times I got the work done easily At other times I was lucky enough to have the support of my parents to help me through I vividly remember hanging upside down in my chair during a study session understandably frustrating my mom Those kinds of things I understood could be ADHD but my depression was louder when I first went to therapy and ADHD wasn t even a thought Now I wonder if my ADHD had been addressed earlier maybe I wouldn t have endured the guilt and shame I experienced when I felt like a constant failure I also struggled with impulsivity As a teen I would hook up with boys drink and party which lead to a lot of confusion and shame I had no concept of consequences and the future But after acting on my impulses the guilt would wash over me and I would beat myself up for it I also jumped around from friend group to friend group never quite feeling like I really belonged anywhere As an adult these are not my impulsive issues anymore but I do struggle with spending money on things I feel that I need and will obsess over it until I have it I was plenty hyper as a kid but I suppose not enough to warrant concern another myth that deserves busting hyperactivity needs to be present to diagnose ADHD Many people may not consider hyperactivity as racing thoughts or jumping from subject to subject Inattentive symptoms are just as much of a struggle but are not as obvious and tend to be more prominent in girls or adults allowing the disorder to be missed Attention deficit is not really accurate when it comes to defining ADHD we on the contrary can focus better than most but only on the things we really care about this is called hyperfocus It is almost like a superpower but it has obvious downsides I tend to hyperfocus on painting or illustration and get so lost in my work that I look up and realize it s 2AM It can be so hard for me to pull myself away even when I need to fulfill basic needs It s like my inner voice is yelling at me to go to the bathroom and I hold off until I m ready to explode For me and for many others focus comes easily for the things we love but super difficult if not impossible for things that don t peak our interest Getting lost in hyperfocus is where time blindness another hidden symptom is really obvious for me I feel like it is always a struggle for me to know how long things take which is probably why I m always late Timers and alarms on my phone are very helpful for this but nothing more than hungry kids to feed My boys keep me on a schedule better than I ever have They wake me up hungry have to be at school on time I need to feed them lunch on non school days pick them up dinner bedtime it s more of a routine than I would be able to hold on my own sporadic rhythms October is ADHD awareness month Authentic Insider Page 31
In my research I learned that people who suffer from ADHD have issues with object permanence basically out of sight out of mind It explains why I ve always been so terrible at sending birthday cards remembering birthdays in general even for those closest to me Dates in general are hard for me to remember Just having an idea of what month day or time it is isn t always easy Holidays would sneak up on me and be a huge surprise but no one else seemed to react that way I use strategies like keeping a calendar on my fridge and setting reminders on my phone Even with these in place I miss things and struggle with the shame that accompanies them I tend to buy a gift for Mother s Day with insufficient lead time to ship it to my mom on time My mom is a sweetheart and doesn t mind but it s another opportunity to beat myself up for being dumb or careless In truth that s how my brain works and I want to learn better strategies for these mistakes so that I have less ammo to hate on myself This characteristic makes employment so hard for me I stopped working at an art studio because of the pandemic and I m overwhelmed with guilt because I haven t even reached out to see how they are I care about them tremendously but they don t know that because the further away I become the more I fear rejection and feel guilt Rejection sensitive dysphoria RSD is another hidden symptom that often accompanies ADHD RSD is defined by extreme emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected or criticized by important people in their life It may also be triggered by a sense of falling short failing to meet their own high standards or others expectations So maybe it is me my perception of me and not what my family friends coworkers or boss actually thought that is giving me too much anxiety to pick up the phone or write an email to check in I can create elaborate stories for how anyone perceives me and believe them but I am slowly learning to reframe these thoughts It is exhausting but I do believe I have paved some new neural pathways with much kinder much more realistic thoughts that are not so hindering I was misdiagnosed bipolar a few years ago when I was trying to figure out the proper medication that would help with my moods I am easily upset by this because the medication I took while pregnant with my second child made me throw up every single night and basically turned me into a robot My moods were stable but I felt nothing I think what I had always attributed to anxiety and depression could possibly be explained by another hidden symptom of ADHD emotional dysregulation This symptom is widely accepted by experts now but it has still not made it into the conversation surrounding ADHD in general The intense emotions we experience can be regulated with a mindful approach of reframing judgment into awareness and curbing impulsive behaviors This article in CHADD addresses these strategies to strengthen emotional intelligence in people with ADHD https chadd org attention article why cant i do this We are passionate creative thinkers and problem solvers who sometimes struggle to fit in a world made for neurotypical brains I am all too aware of the intensity of my emotions It is something that has puzzled me my entire life and caused me to ask myself a million times What s wrong with me I could be called passionate or highly sensitive if I m being kind to myself Of course we all have times of intense emotion but knowing that when it seems like I m overreacting other people like me experience the same thing I recently became angry with myself for feeling frustrated that my boys were not listening and I broke down sobbing I can recover much faster than I used to I just need to remind myself that I m not broken Sensory overload is something I struggle with every day especially as a mom of two young boys Too many loud sounds bother me so much that my brain and body shut down to avoid my explosive behavior In many cases when my husband or kids talk to me while concentrating on a task my mind retreats and I hear nothing The anxiety that follows is the most overwhelming stimuli in my environment My issues with sensory overload may seem contrary to stimulant seeking ADHD but for me they coexist I tend to start about five hundred projects and barely finish one but I can teach myself something that fascinates me and focus on that for hours I love learning new things and challenging my brain in new ways but I sometimes struggle with the most basic mundane tasks Learning about these hidden symptoms helped me understand my ADHD brain much better and I hope it helps you understand your own Maybe it will give you a better understanding of someone you love or someone you encounter in the world It is a very well researched complex disorder on a broad spectrum that is real and has been around by other names for centuries People with this disorder are not stupid or lazy our brains are just wired a little differently We are passionate creative thinkers and problem solvers who sometimes struggle to fit in a world made for neurotypical brains If you are as fascinated with this subject as I am check out Authentic Insider Page 32
This tool is not intended to diagnose but was so helpful for me to understand what parts of my life were actually ADHD and in fact made me feel seen in a way I hadn t before Authentic Insider Page 33
Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month is an annual designation observed in October Take time during the month of October to become more aware of your Emotional Intelligence and learn precisely what and how it works Find different approaches to perceiving understanding and managing emotions and putting them to work for you Authentic Insider Page 34
What is Emotional Intelligence Emotional intelligence EI or Emotional Quotient EQ refers to the ability to perceive control and evaluate emotions Some researchers suggest that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened while others claim it s an inborn characteristic The ability to express and control emotions is essential but so is the ability to understand interpret and respond to the emotions of others Imagine a world in which you could not understand when a friend was feeling sad or when a coworker was angry Psychologists refer to this ability as emotional intelligence and some experts even suggest that it can be more important than IQ in your overall success in life According to Daniel Goleman an American psychologist who helped popularize emotional intelligence there are five key elements to it Self awareness Self regulation Motivation Empathy Social skills For more about how to know and grow your EQ check this out Authentic Insider Page 35
Identifying emotions with the emotion wheel Authentic Insider Page 36
Healing through the Arts by Cali Binstock Identifying and Expressing Emotions I feel Check out the emotion wheel above Identify an emotion you d like to visually explore Could be the emotion you feel now or one you have struggled with recently Maybe even an emotion that you would like to understand better Find some colored markers pencils and or crayons and paper Explore the emotion How does it feel in your body Are you tense anywhere in particular How would you gesture to someone else how it feels Pick a color and make marks on your paper try not to judge what comes out just be curious about your expressions Authentic Insider Page 37
Expressing Emotions through Art There are many ways to express an emotion through art Color tap into the emotion and choose colors that feel connected to your feelings Mark making quick jabbing marks will give a different feeling than slow flowing lines Shapes organic shapes may show flexibility while rigid geometric shapes may feel jarring Size and composition Large objects that seem close up may add to a feeling of anxiety many shapes together may add to a feeling of stuck while spread out shapes in a pattern could represent order and peace This painting was created by Lorilee as an exercise to explore her emotions in art therapy at Sierra Tuscon Authentic Insider Page 38
The only way to change someone s mind is to connect with them from the heart Rasheed Ogunlaru Authentic Insider Page 39
For Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month we put together music with lyrics that identify emotions and feelings what i got by sublime Happy by Pharrell Livin on a prayer by bon jovi landslide by stevie nicks human by by the killers we re going to be friends by the white stripes long time by cake get up stand up by bob marley the wailer blurryface by twenty one pilots brave i love me by by sara bareilles meghan trainer ft lunch money invincible by kelly clarkson I m coming out by diana ross wild things by alessia care by helen reddy Pi Authentic Insider Page 40 am woman
Going back to school can be anxiety inducing for many children especially those who were affected by the pandemic over the last year But there s no better time to discuss emotions than now as children get ready for a major transition Below are a few parent approved books for getting back to school with confidence I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to Amazon com and affiliated sites We all have times where we uncomfortable about who we are feel Follow Fiona through her color changing feather filled day as she learns to accept not only being a different color from the rest of her flamingo flock but that it is also okay to have emotions you don t understand It s okay to be scared angry and sad at times What does love look and feel like to a child and how do we explain the unexplainable Love is care and protection and teaches responsibility by example This enchanting story begins the conversation so many of us never had as children In doing so it plants the seed early enough in a young life to possibly make the difference This book is a mindfully written self help guide to aid children in dealing with stress and anxiety by uncovering their emotions and following a simple calming routine Authentic Insider Page 41
Mental Health Memoir Emotional Support Books Adult After her second cancer diagnosis having had lung and breast cancer her passion became helping people that are experiencing adversity to move to emotional wellness Rosie channeled her experiences into the subject of a powerful memoir rewarding readers with a message of perseverance and hope Rosie learned that the best way to conquer life s hardest challenges was to shift gears and change tactics Rather than succumbing to fear she now focuses on emotional healing and spiritual wholeness and shares her message with those facing illnesses such as cancer or other challenging life struggles It s the biggest revolution you ve never heard of and it s hiding in plain sight Over the past decade Silicon Valley executives like Eric Schmidt and Elon Musk Special Operators like the Navy SEALs and the Green Berets and maverick scientists like Sasha Shulgin and Amy Cuddy have turned everything we thought we knew about high performance upside down Instead of grit better habits or 10 000 hours these trailblazers have found a surprising short cut They re harnessing rare and controversial states of consciousness to solve critical challenges and outperform the competition Everyone knows that high IQ is no guarantee of success happiness or virtue but until Emotional Intelligence we could only guess why Daniel Goleman s brilliant report from the frontiers of psychology and neuroscience offers startling new insight into our two minds the rational and the emotional and how they together shape our destiny I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to Amazon com and affiliated sites Authentic Insider Page 42
Monthly Collective Readings for All Signs with Joy Larkin October 1 October 31 2021 The month of October is a time to let go of the past once and for all There seems to have been a struggle for most regarding situations people places or things in your life that could have been causing drama and stress recently Nothing will come of the situation This could have been around a relationship you were dealing with It s a lesson that you are currently understanding or will have to learn eventually Others may have a toxic family dynamic that needs to be let go and released It s so hard but you know that the time is coming Not all but some of your family members could be holding you back in life Now is the time to balance spirituality and practicality There is someone from your past who is missing you perhaps But a lot of you realize it s time to release the negativity in your life to make room for the positive influences that you truly deserve It can be hard to leave the past behind Few of you were used to the negative and toxic attachments environments No need to judge yourself Some are just understanding that your life needs improvement Prosperity lies ahead for those of you who are wanting more abundance in your life Sudden wealth could be coming for you Speaking things into existence will do a lot of you well during this time as well as putting in the work Abundance is coming for those who trust believe and have faith There is hope to be had in a situation and in your life as well Connecting with your higher power is the advice If you re experiencing challenges or a problem in your life call on your creator Be open to listening to your intuition Spending time alone to recover and rest your body could be the answer Many have been working so hard and you deserve a much needed break or even travel to give yourself a vacation Indecision will be an issue for some There is something holding you back that could be from confusion with which path you want to take in life For couples you need to give your partner a break or time to sort things out in their life This doesn t necessarily mean a break up but some space apart Singles it s just time to focus on your healing and learning to love yourself Healing will be a necessary part of the journey for a lot of you It won t be easy but it will definitely be worth it To conclude learning from the past is the biggest lesson to be learned and co create with spirit Bring your ideas to life Trust your God Angels Spirit or your higher power in your life It s always time to claim your independence Few could be feeling guilty about the changes that are happening in their life Remember to always do what feels right to you Make yourself happy and then you will inspire others to do the same thing Joy is a Narcissistic Abuse Survivor who has made it her life s work to help others through life coaching She is also a healer earth angel and psychic medium If you would like coaching services from Joy and or get your own personal reading please scan the barcode below with your smartphone camera Authentic Insider Page 43 Personal Coaching READINGS INFO