Authentic Insider Magazine November 2022 issue : simplebooklet.com

Authentic Insider | Page 02Dear Readers,November brings so many things to recognize and be grateful for. This month, inAuthentic Insider Magazine, we will be recognizing Veterans and Military Families,Alzheimer's Disease and Gratitude Awareness Months. Our contributor for ourProsecutor's POV, Kathryn Marsh discusses Veterans Treatment Courts and how thatcan change the course of a Veteran's life who is suffering from mental illness. VeteranColleen Ryan-Hensley also provides a piece about the evolution of mental toughness andhow she survived Military Sexual Abuse to go on and help others heal. Gen Z contributor Daniela Ghelman tackles the difficult topic of Alzheimer's and sharesher personal experience losing her Abuela to the disease. We are grateful to Sarah Correa-Dibar for our second Gen Z contribution as shediscusses the importance of gratitude, especially when life can feel like it's falling apart. When we experience a traumatic accident, like a car crash, it's not just our physical bodythat needs to be healed. Author, Cesar Perez shares his story of healing from the insideout.What if our issue with money is not our own? Author Vangile Makwakwa shares howAncestral Financial Trauma can affect how you and your decedents deal with money. As a child, how does unmet expectations affect how we develop as an adult? TraumaEducator Karen Gross shares her personal healing journey and how she's breaking thatcycle. As in every issue, Cali Binstock provides a Healing through Art Prompt by continuing herart interpretation of Internal Family Systems Therapy. We have your AIM Playlist forSongs of Gratitude, along with my picks for children and adult books. Plus, check out JoyLarkin's Twin Flame Readings to see what's in store for you this month.Always, Lorilee BinstockLorilee BinstockEditor in Chief

Page 3

Page 4

Page 5

Page 6

Page 7

Page 8

VETERANSTREATMENTCOURTSArticle Written By Kathryn Marsh an the criminal justice system truly reduce recidivism without a comprehensive program forindividuals suffering from mental health relatedissues? According to the National Alliance on MentalIllness, two out of every five incarcerated individualshave a history of mental illness. For women, thepercentage rate increases to 66%. Considering thesestatistics, many jurisdictions have looked foralternative solutions to prosecuting individualssuffering from mental health or cognitive issues, aswell as substance abuse related issues. Alternativeprosecution includes diversion and treatment courts.In recent years, more and more treatment courts areutilized across the country. One specializedtreatment court is the Veteran’s Treatment Court(VTC).With more than two decades of combat in ourcountry’s recent history comes an increase in mentalhealth issues with our veterans. One in five veteranssuffers from symptoms related to a mental healthdisorder or cognitive impairment. And one in sixveterans suffer from substance abuse issues. Thelatest available data suggests an estimated 181,500U.S. veterans are incarcerated in prisons and jailsacross the country, constituting 8% of our country’sprison and jail population. Understanding the “The criminal justice system is trulythe community’s primary careprovider for people with mentaldisorders” - Michael AndersonCAuthentic Insider | Page 08

Page 9

increase in mental health disorders and substance abusedisorders amongst our veterans, especially our combatveterans, comes the recognition that traditional drugcourts, or mental health courts, are unable to address allthe needs of our veterans. The Veterans Treatment Court (VTC) began in 2008, andtoday there are over 500 across the country. The VTCmodel, is a structured environment, typically taking 1 to 1and a half years for a participant to complete. The VTCrequires regular court appearances, mandatorytreatment, and frequent and random testing for drug andalcohol use. The VTC includes graduated sanctions,incentives, ongoing judicial interaction and courtsupervision. Many veterans respond well to thisstructured environment due in large part to their priormilitary service. A VTC involves a multi-disciplinary team that includes: aJudge; Veterans Health Administration representative;Case Manager; Prosecutors; Defense Counsel; MentalHealth and Substance Abuse Providers, and other "UNDERSTANDING THE INCREASE IN MENTALHEALTH DISORDERS AND SUBSTANCE ABUSEDISORDERS AMONGST OUR VETERANS,ESPECIALLY OUR COMBAT VETERANS, COMESTHE RECOGNITION THAT TRADITIONAL DRUGCOURTS, OR MENTAL HEALTH COURTS, AREUNABLE TO ADDRESS ALL THE NEEDS OF OURVETERANS."community resource providers working together todevelop the appropriate treatment plan and conditions forthe participant. This team receives training, andcontinuing education in unique veteran issues such asPTSD, depression, anxiety, Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI)and Veteran Services. I spoke with D.B., a victim of a violent assault with aweapon committed by a combat veteran and asked if hewould support his case being referred to the VTC in NewYork City. D.B. wasn’t familiar with the VTC program whenhe was first contacted, but spent some time researchingthe program, and learned there was a specific part of theVTC for combat veterans, which is what led to hisagreement to the program. D.B. explained why he agreed. “I, myself am a veteran. It was so hard to adapt whenleaving the military, even without me having served in Authentic Insider | Page 09

Page 10

"(VTCS) PROVIDE WELCOMEALTERNATIVES TO JAIL AND/OR PRISONFOR THOSE VETERANS WILLING TO PUT INTHE WORK AND RECLAIM THEIR LIVES."combat, just not having people understand my livedexperience – that lived experience impacts everyaspect of a vet’s life, having a compassionate ear toappreciate that you served and added stressors youexperienced because of your service made all thedifference” D.B. learned, through the prosecutor’s office, that hisattacker was a combat veteran who had servednumerous tours of duty and was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and other related mentalhealth issues. D.B. explained “This man was clearlymentally ill and needed help. He has a mental illnesshe didn’t ask for and doesn’t want. We have to takethat into account. He didn’t attack me because hewanted drugs or my wallet, he was doing it becausehis brain didn’t work right – the least we can do isgive someone the consideration of a treatmentcourt.” D.B.’s agreement to the VTC allowed for thiscombat veteran to be released from Ryker’s and intoan inpatient treatment program. The criminal case is not over, and will not be over,until the veteran graduates from the program.VTC participants on average spend more than a yearin the program, with low levels of reoffending, and ofthe more than 500 VTCs across the country, all butone program reported graduation rates of 50% orbetter. I spoke to K.A., a burglary victim, whose home andseveral others had been broken into by a veteran,who had taken loose change and other small itemsto sell in order to support his addiction. K.A.,originally had not agreed to a VTC, although theother victims did agree. Her case was eventually sentto the VTC. K.A. explained that the veteran whoburglarized her home invited her to his graduationfrom the VTC. It had taken him almost two years tograduate due to setbacks, such as testing positive and missing treatment classes. K.A. explained thatgoing to the graduation changed her entire perspectiveon VTCs. Specifically, she learned that when the veteranentered the program he had been unemployed andvirtually homeless for more than a year. He had notbeen receiving any V.A. benefits and had not beendiagnosed with anything. Upon his graduation he wasworking, had been in his own home for 6 months, wasdiagnosed with PTSD and involved with wrap aroundservices and receiving his full V.A. benefits. “Hethanked me, and all his other victims. He said if he hadnot committed the crimes and been given theopportunity to get into the veterans court and fight forsobriety with other veterans beside him, he knows hewould have died on the street.” K.A. stated. She alsoexplained that it was clear the program hadn’t beeneasy, but truly worthwhile, and better than if he hadserved 6 months or a year in jail. “He’s back in schooland is working on being a peer counselor for otherveterans. I left the graduation in tears, first because Ihadn’t agreed sooner, and second, because I saw somany lives that had changed and been given secondchances at that ceremony.”Veterans Treatment Courts are not for every veteranwho commits a crime, nor should they be. However, forthe veterans who are committing crimes due solely totheir substance abuse addiction or mental healthdisorders that are directly related to their service tocountry, they provide welcome alternatives to jail and/orprison for those veterans willing to put in the work andreclaim their lives.This November, as we recognize Veterans Day, andhonor those who have served, check to see if your owncommunity has a veteran’s court, if they do, attend agraduation. If your community doesn’t have a VTC, findout what you can do to help bring one to where you are. You can learn more at www.justiceforvets.org.Authentic Insider | Page10

Page 11

Page 12

Page 13

Page 14

hether you are born with asilver spoon in your mouth ornot, tough choices and roughdownfalls will inevitably makeappearances in your life. Yourtask is to decide whether you’llswallow those obstacles withgratitude or resentment. Bychoosing gratitude, you will gainwisdom, peace, and strength. And it is much easier said thandone.I was fired from my first job outof college – a classic tale.Although I did not see it coming, Iknew I was miserable there. Icried for a few hours after thebreaking news, to then realize Iwas crying over an environmentwhere I was talked down to,given pointless tasks, and gaslitabout my own talents. Whywould I waste time, energy and tears over this? I flipped theswitch and used this slightdownfall to my advantage. Iadded bullet points to myresume, contacts to my LinkedIn,and more badges to my sash. Iharnessed the confidence to putpotential employers on the spotand ask what their turnover ratewas and whether their companyculture was their priority. I’mgrateful to have learned that myhappiness should be prioritizedeven with my main source ofincome – a career should notmake you miserable, it shouldmotivate you. Although myintellect was not seen by my pastemployment, I knew the obstaclemade me smarter. Moving on from an angeringsituation with acceptance andgrace gives you peace. When my I was fired from my firstjob out of college – aclassic tale. Although Idid not see it coming, Iknew I was miserablethere. I cried for a fewhours after the breakingnews, to then realize Iwas crying over anenvironment where I wastalked down to, givenpointless tasks, and gaslitabout my own talents.wAuthentic Insider | Page 14

Page 15

Your life is andwill be made up ofa series of ups anddowns, and withgratitudepowering yourmind you’ll be ableto climb out ofrock bottom. roommate from study abroad started to gofrom best friend to traitor, I was so angry andnegative. I hated coming back from class to myapartment with heavy thoughts and I was tiredof talking to my roommate with hate. None ofthis was helping me to move on, until I starteda gym membership and found a therapist. Atmy newfound gym, the trainer said, “punch thebag until the bell rings – punch it like you’repunching a bad person,” and I left the classknowing those heavy thoughts that hauntedme were stuck on the pink punching bag at thegym. On the other hand, my therapist taughtme a valuable lesson when I told her I didn’tknow how to speak about my feelings in a non-confrontational way. She told me “It’s not aconfrontation, it’s a conversation.” It gave mepeace, not only for this situation but for anytime I wanted to address my perspective orfeelings in an angering situation. Toughfriendship breakups will suck at first, but theywill show you how to let go. Of course, gratitude gives you a great amountof strength, too. Dealing with obstacles in yourlife could easily turn into moments ofweakness. It could be an all-consumingmonster that eats away at your dignity andself-confidence - a monster that if notaddressed correctly, could be hard to goagainst. It takes a lot of time and will to say“thank you” to an obstacle but once you do,it gives you the strength to walk away. Somegruesome situations are too twisted to begrateful for, and in that case, it doesn’t haveto be the obstacle you say thank you to,rather the good memories left to you beforethe storm.Your life is and will be made up of a series ofups and downs, and with gratitude poweringyour mind you’ll be able to climb out of rockbottom. There’s no need to rush the processeither, sometimes you’ll encounterresentment before gratitude and that’s OK,as long as you close your chapters withappreciations and acknowledgements. Authentic Insider | Page 15

Page 16

Page 17

Page 18

MONTH Alzheimer'sA W a r e n e s sMy Abuela, Jacqueline, was one of a kind. I still remember our visits to herhouse every Sunday afternoon. My parents, sisters and I would standbehind the white-bars entrance door waiting for her to come down with thekeys to let us in. As soon as we set foot in my Abuela’s house, the smell ofcake invaded our nostrils. It was usually banana or carrot cake, andalthough she had someone bake them for her, I’m pretty sure those wereher recipes. I always paid close attention to her house, especially itsdecorations: the sculptures in the form of coiled serpents of differentcolors that were around the living room, the collection of precious rocks,the way the furniture was arranged and the small studio where my Abuelowatched TV. I remember the picture of me and my sister wearing matchingblue t-shirts in a silver portrait right next to the TV stand. It was mygrandparents’ favorite picture of us. My Abuela had an accident when I was six. She was on herway back home from the grocery store carrying heavybags when she fell and fractured her skull. That’s whendoctors found out she had Alzheimer’s. My memories ofher, as my experience being her granddaughter, weremarked forever by it. G e n Z P O VW r i t t e n B y D a n i e l a G h e l m a nAuthentic Insider | Page 18

Page 19

La Abuela Jacquie (as weused to call her), had a roughchildhood. She was born inAlexandria, Egypt, and life wasgood until at the age of seven,her dad - my great-grandfather - went to sleepand never woke up. He wasthe head of the house, the onein charge of traveling aroundEurope collecting antiquebooks to sell in the family-owned bookstore, and ofsaying the Kiddush andHamotzi on Friday nights. Afterhis death, my Abuela and hersisters needed to work in theshop after school, help theirmom with home chores, takecare of running the Jewishholidays and all that whilegrowing up with the absenceof a paternal figure in theirlives.Furthermore, the politicalatmosphere of Egypt willeventually attack anddiscriminate against Jews,forcing my abuela and herfamily to emigrate. That’s how my Abuela got toVenezuela. And although it wasvery hard for her because sheleft her home with only one bagand no money, she was prettysmart. She could speak English,Arabic, French, and Hebrew andpicked up Spanish prettyquickly. She was also extremelygood at math, and while myAbuelo watched TV, she wasusually doing Sudokus, playingSolitaire, or rearranging herdeck of cards. When my grandfather wasdiagnosed with cancer, she took care of him withoutcomplaint. She always tried herbest. Always with a smile on herface. And that’s precisely how Iremember her. She was alwayssmiling, especially when hergranddaughters were around.She was the most beautiful,elegant, and lovely womaneven when her memory beganto fail her. I still clearlyremember all her features,expressions, the way shemoved and even the way shesmelled.But I was just a child. I didn’tunderstand the word Alzheimeror its consequences. And thatone day she would stop beingherself and forget about usseemed surreal. Since mysisters and I were children, weused to talk on the phone withThe politicalatmosphere ofEgypt willeventually attackand discriminateagainst Jews,forcing my Abuelaand her family toemigrate. Authentic Insider | Page 19

Page 20

her very often. She would callto ask about us, and betweenmy sisters and I we passed thephone over when each onefinished talking to her. Sheusually asked about school,classes and homework. Overtime, her illness progressed,and although the phone callskept going, we found ourselvesanswering the same questionsover and over again. When I was 17, she forgot myname. She knew who I was, butshe just couldn’t tell. Still, everySunday we would take her toher favorite bakery in Caracaswhere she devoured andenjoyed chocolate cakes andpastries. She was a sweetslover. I remember her hidingpieces of chocolate in herdrawer and sneakily eat themwhenever her nurse wasn’taround. I would tell her: “Abuela!” while gigglingknowing that she shouldn’t bedoing that, but then she wouldoffer me a piece and I justcouldn’t say no. Those trips to the bakery weresoon over, and now everySunday we’d go to her houseand sit next to her askingwhether she remember myname or my sister’s and ourages. Sometimes she did.Sometimes she didn’t. Therewere times when she didn’teven get up from the couch,but she still asked us to sit onher lap. Over the years shescared us a couple of times.Either she fell, or she stoppedreacting, eating, moving. Butas soon as she saw me or mysisters, she smiled.Our phone calls were not thesame anymore and eventually stopped becauseit was hard talking to her. Andthen, while going through myteenage life crises, I stoppedcaring about her. I had otherthings to worry about, andshe slipped through myfingers. I should’ve knownbetter. At 17, I should’veknown that life is just onesingle breath, and when youare in your 80s, time goes byeven faster. One day she wasfine, the next one she was onthe verge of dying. I left Venezuela four yearsago and she died a year afterI moved to Miami. I have alast selfie with her. I can tellshe did not know what wasgoing on, but still, she wassmiling. I said “Chao Abuela”and before I left, I turned backone Over time, herillness progressed,and although thephone calls keptgoing, we foundourselvesanswering thesame questionsover and overagain. Authentic Insider | Page 20

Page 21

last time and noticed she wassmiling at me. Something toldme that night was going to bethe last time I would see her.But it’s weird. I still feel thatshe’s here with us. Perhapsbecause I haven’t been able togo back to Venezuela orbecause I didn’t make it to herfuneral. Still, I miss her dearly.Alzheimer's sucks. I spent moretime of my life watching myAbuela sitting on her couchunable to move while askingthe same questions over andover than having meaningfulconversations with her. If I hadbeen more mature tounderstand what was reallygoing on, I would ask her to tellme stories about her life, herchildhood, about my dadwhen he was a baby, before itwas too late.But as I write this, I am noticingthings that I have nevernoticed before. Stuff thatprobably can't get through ourDNA, but I like to think I got itfrom her. I don't think it's acoincidence that because myAbuela spent her childhood inher family's bookstore, I'vebeen obsessed with books andbookstores since I was a kid(long before I knew her story). Idon't think it's a coincidenceeither that I’m constantlycraving sweets, or that mytaste for doing word searchescomes from watching her doSudoku. And I don't think it’s acoincidence either thatbecause she cared so muchabout school, I wanted topursue a career in educationbefore choosing journalism.But now I understand, morethan ever, that she’s with me or that I am more like here than Icould ever possibly imagine. Ijust wish I could sit next to herto share bits of chocolate, seeher smiling, hug her, or just askher, "Abuela, what's my name?"If I had been moremature tounderstand what wasreally going on, Iwould ask her to tellme stories about herlife, her childhood,about my dad whenhe was a baby, beforeit was too late.Authentic Insider | Page 21

Page 22

Page 23

I H A D T O H E A L F R O M M O R ET H A N P H Y S I C A L T R A U M AA F T E R M Y A C C I D E N T was nearly killed by a drunk driver. In2018, as I was driving down the interstate, adrunk driver was driving on the wrong sideof the road and hit me head on going over 75MPH. Then I was struck again head on by asemi-truck. Thankfully I don't rememberany of it.Everything in my face was broken, and Imean literally everything. My upper palateand jaw split in half. The paramedics told me when they got to me, I was spitting out teeth. Thenerves were ripped from my right arm whichparalyzed the arm. I could move my fingers, butnothing else. My femur was protruding out my leftleg and I had torn ligaments on my other leg too. My jaw was wired shut with metal plates for severalmonths, so I had to use a feeding tube. I had manyroot canals done and had to get braces for threeyears. To breathe properly again, I underwentseveral surgeries and rhinoplasty. So much hadbeen broken and affected. I looked like acompletely different person.Despite all of this physical trauma I had from myaccident, the hardest work I had to do was on mymental and emotional health. It was a process thattested every fiber of my being.Healing Fromthe Inside OutBy Cesar Perez, Author of Chasingthe Light Cesar's Toyota Camry afterhis 2017 accidentIAuthentic Insider | Page 23

Page 24

It's hard explaining what a brain injury feels like tosomebody who's never been through it. But for me, myhead kept replaying what I was thinking about in theseconds before the accident. I was driving down to seethe love of my life, my girlfriend.Because my frontal lobe is what was impacted the mostafter two head-on collisions, any emotions I felt weremagnified. So if I was angry, I exploded. If I was in love(which at the time I was), it grew exponentially. Shecould've told me to jump off a bridge to make herhappy, and I would've done it without question. That'show out of control my emotions had become. Theywere running rampant.I cried nonstop for the first year. Every night I wouldhave nightmares, not because I remembered theaccident but somehow my brain would recreate it fromwhat people told me. And the question that ran circlesthrough my brain was always, “Why me?”D E A L I N G W I T H M Y B R A I NT R A U M AF A C I N G M Y E M O T I O N SEmotionally I was a mess until my brain injury finallystarted healing. But while I waited for that, I had torevisit the way I processed emotions as a human. Before the accident, I wouldn’t talk to other peopleabout what I was feeling. Instead I went to the gym. If Ihad a rough day or was angry, that's where I went todeal with those emotions, or I would pick up my guitarand write music. But after my accident, I couldn't walkor move my arms. I couldn’t do either of the things Ihad used my whole life to help release negativity. I hadto find other ways to process the deep sadness andanger that was building up inside me. I had to learn totalk about it with another person. But because of the damage to my face, I couldn't evenverbally communicate my emotions, so I had to startfrom square one. It was a crazy feeling to learn how tolook my emotions in the face again. X-Ray of Cesar's Right Femur

Page 25

A B O U T T H E A U T H O RCesar Perez is a Salvadoran immigrantwho spends every day of his secondchance at life striving to be the bestpossible version of himself. A passionatestoryteller, he picked up the pieces of hisbroken past and bound them togetherinto a new whole, full of love,persistence, faith, and determination. Hewrote Chase the Light with a newfoundyearning to guide others through thedarkness.My mom never let me go to bed until I spoke aboutwhat was bothering me. She could tell, even though Icouldn't talk, that I needed to express myself, that Ihad feelings I needed to release. I would write it downon my whiteboard to let her know what was goingthrough my mind or why I was crying. Speaking about my feelings with my mom andreleasing those emotions helped me to grow as aperson. I’m no longer afraid or care about what otherpeople think when I need help. I can ask for helpwithout feeling like it’s a weakness or like I’m less of aman for needing it. I also know that I can share myfeelings with those I love without judgment or feelingthat my emotions are unreasonable.On the other side of that, because of the healing I havedone, I now consider myself capable of doing anythingI set my mind to. When someone asks me now if I needhelp, I shake my head no. Not because I care whatothers think or even in a bravado kind of way, butmore to prove to myself that I am capable of anything.In the end, if I can’t do something it most definitelywon’t be because I didn’t try. It's validating to me thatI’m still who I was before, I just have a differentperspective on life now and an unbreakable spirit. Despite the accident and all the different trauma Ifaced and overcame, I am a more complete person.F I N D I N G M Y V U L N E R A B I L I T YFor more advice on healing your own trauma, you can findChase the Light on Amazon.

Page 26

Page 27

y youth was filled with unmet expectations. I have carried this and the accompanying behavior with me for decades.Let me explain.My mother was mentally ill (although this wasdenied by many, despite frequent lengthy staysin bed and in institutions). She was volatile; shewas often hostile and threw things; her wordswere oft-times unkind (justified as speaking thetruth); her skin turned red when she was mad (inall senses) and she cleaned. You could haveconducted open heart surgery on our kitchenfloor. She found relief in drinking pots of coffee(she lived well into her 90’s so that new literatureon coffee might just be true), taking hot hotbaths and napping. She wasn’t a big hugger andemotional support was not her strong suit (andthat is an understatement).I saw my “job” as keeping her calm and withinthe edges of normal. I did what I could from thetime I was a toddler well into my 50’s trying toachieve balance in my mother’s world. I also keptthinking: if I can do this or that, she will love meand she will exhibit warmth. She will act “right.”The story has a very meaningful moralmessage, especially for the young readers(and initially the author made these shortstories for his sons as bed-storytelling). It givessome examples of good and bad things.Although, as far as I am concerned, thoseexamples are a little bit difficult to beunderstood by children, even too miserableones, they have happened and still, happen.In truth, as a young child, it is hard not toactivate expectations and hope forimprovement. One cannot just leave at age 5or 6 or even 10. So, the problem is that thebehavior as a child moves with us as we ageand we deploy the salvation strategies ofyouth forward — oft-times withoutrecognition.I’ve had thwarted expectations for decades.That is what I experienced. That is what I livewith and through.As I agedNow, it took therapists to point out to me thatif I set expectations for how my mentally ill MAuthentic Insider | Page 27

Page 28

mother would behave, these expectations weredoomed to fail from the get-go. That I was doomedto be disappointed. And, if I saw a glimmer of hopeof normalcy, I latched on like an infant on a breast(I wasn’t breast fed). Yet, the glimmers lastedbarely hours. So, there I was again: trying andfailing to keep a mentally ill mother “sane.” When Iwrite that I had thousands of failed expectationsover a lifetime (I am now 70), I would not beoverstating the case. I carried the expectationapproach forward — and not only with respect tomy mother.The ExtensionsThis all would have been bad enough. But……As Ireflect on this now, the idea of failed expectationswas not limited to my efforts to deal with mymother. I have had many expectations over thedecades — in work and in relationships — thatwere misguided. And, when these expectationswere not met, I got sad and instead of giving up, Itried harder.Now, on the plus side of things, this made me agood worker-bee and a person who went over andabove and beyond to please in personalrelationships — even when I knew at some levelthat my expectations would go unmet. Iaccommodated and I went out of my wayperennially to insure others were enabled to staymore balanced. And I did not even get mad. I justdid all this almost like a reflex. It contributed to myquality as a leader and teacher. I could evenanticipate the needs of a person. Hypervigilant — Iwas that for sure. That’s the good news.To be sure, I had a hard time distinguishingbetween realistic and unrealistic expectations; Itreated all expectations alike. I had and still dohave (but to a lesser extent) an “if …. then”approach. If I do X or Y or Z, then Q, R or S willhappen. And, when I did X and Q did not happen, Iwas discouraged and disappointed andemotionally down.This fairy tale explores several themes, suchas individuality, leadership, and compassionthrough the journey of a young boy whofinds out he is heir to the throne. The storyfulfills the aim to present stories of “comingof age” and “getting of wisdom.”Fast ForwardIn my current life, I still manage to haveunrealistic expectations that, when not met,sadden me. Increasingly and importantly,they are starting to anger me too. And, evenas I am aware of these expectations, thehabit over a lifetime of meeting invisibleexpectations doomed to fail, I cannot seemto stop accommodating and doing,including in situations where the approach isunmerited.But, two recent examples have arisen and forthe first time, I think I am breaking the cycleof failed expectations. In part because I canactually see and feel the absurdity of them.And, I can now get angry and own thatanger, an emotion I cabin-ed for decades.Here goes with concrete examples (withenough changes to prevent too muchdisclosure).I was in a relationship with a man who waswidowed. He was and still is I assume I think I am breaking thecycle of failedexpectations. In partbecause I can actuallysee and feel theabsurdity of themAuthentic Insider | Page 28

Page 29

grieving over the loss of his wife. (She died beforeCOVID to contextualize.) I expected that if I showedcare and love (and we had amazing times together),he would be able to move on. If I helped him see howtied he was to his past and the bountiful nature ofthe present and future, then he would be able toembrace forward movement. If….then…. was myapproach.But, at the end of the day, he could not moveforward. The final straw (well, there were several) washis suggesting that we get shared, identical tattoos(which I would have wanted although I presentlyhave no tattoos). But, the permanent sharing scaredhim so much that he thought he would forget hislate wife. (That is not how well processed memoryworks by the by; if you process grief and the goodand bad of relationships, memory is maintained.) Tobe clear, his view was that a current tattoo sharedwith me (not a marriage by the way) wouldevaporate his memories of his late wife anddenigrate their past. He got anxious and felt guilty.He became immobilized.Throughout our relationship, I had expectations (nottotally unfounded) but at the end of the day, hecould not meet them. And, I was hurt. He seemed tobe willing to move forward but when he couldn’t, Ikept at it, trying to enable us to move forwardtogether, trying to highlight the future road aheadfilled with joy and new experiences. Failure. You can’tdo X and expect Y if the person isn’t ready, willingand able to change and has not processed the deathof his late wife. You can’t as the old adage says makea silk purse out of a sow’s ear. But, I sure tried. I triedto convert my own mother for decades, remember?It is a habit that sticks.I am still angry.In a more recent example, I was dating a manwho, on paper, met all the criteria. But, he wasemotionally cut off or perhaps just not attunedto my frequency. OK, he had been married anddivorced more times than I will share but manytimes. Yet, there I was it. It happened again andagain. If he couldn’t make dinner because thetraffic was impeding his travel, I would reset thedinner with ease — as if my having cooked andcleaned and prepared was easily replicated. If heneeded time to prepare for an early meeting, noworries; stay at your home and prepare. (How Iinterfered with preparation puzzles me still.)If….then was my approach. I can meet yourneeds. And my needs? No worries; they can besublimated. He had no clue that I wasexperiencing failed expectations and feelinghurt. Hiding these is a talent.I am angry still — at myself for beingaccommodating and at him for not beingconsiderate and not noticing it either.Getting to UnderstandingNow perhaps part of the reason for myexpectations is that they reflect what I actuallywant. I wanted a mother who cared. I wanted(and still want) a man who can share and growand love and express kindness and reciprocity.There is nothing wrong with the wants. What isoff-base is expecting them from those who can’tprovide what I need. And I need to own what Iwant and its legitimacy and not expect thosewho can’t meet these needs to rise to theoccasion so to speak. As an adult (not a child), Ican have needs and desires for how othersbehave and I can walk away if these aren’t beingmet (largely met).We all want a loving mother. False expectationswill not create one. I want a partner who isgiving and caring and can move forward withwarmth. But false expectations of someone whois either stuck in the past won’t give meNow perhaps part of thereason for my expectationsis that they reflect what Iactually want. I wanted amother who cared.Authentic Insider | Page 29

Page 30

the desired end. And however hard I try, andwhatever many expectations I have, they will notbe met and I will be disappointed. So, time tochange the paradigm.I need a new record groove. I need to stopexpecting things when it is clear that others can’tor won’t meet my expectations. I need to acceptthat. I can do several things. I can deal with failedexpectations. I can ramp down expectations andlive with the imperfect (somewhat possible). Or, Ican get rid of the notion of “if…then.”That would mean recognizing the missing piecesand either moving on or accepting them, notseeking change or adaptation or accommodationon their or my part. Sure, all relationships needconsiderable flex and understanding in them andwillingness to change/accept. But, I have a habit ofunrealistic expectations. Those need to end. now.I am aware that a mere declaration that I will notdo the “if…then” thing again (and again) does notmake it happen. But I am doing two things nowthat I have not done before: I am seeing theexpectations for what they are (unrealistic) eventhough I do not stop them (a toothbrush in mybathroom for the man who is not staying over butit is there just in case) and I am getting angry — atthe person and at myself. I am angry at the personfor setting up false hope and acting badly. And,since I am mad that yet again, I fall for theframework of change: if I just do X, Q will happen.My Suggestions for KidsWe need to identify students who haveexperienced trauma and operate on the not-uncommon “if…then…” approach. And, if we canhelp them manage realistic expectations of others,they will be able to move forward more easily. And,if you are aware of what you are doing and how itmakes you feel, you can experience personalgrowth. And, you can temper anger anddisappointment.Far too many students and adults lived withthe sadness of failed expectations. It is not oftheir making. It is about living in a world withflawed individuals, lacking mental wellness or asolid sense of self and others. These individualscarry the burdens of their behavior and thoseof us who interact with them. We need to help kids shape the grooves ontheir internal records and enable them to notfeel responsible for the failings of others. Toughtask but one well worth undertaking. Don’t Iknow? It’s only taken me more than half acentury to come to these understandings. But,with a wee twinkle in my eye, I say: better latethan never. I still have time and energy to livelife fully and well and with joy and care forothers but without repeated failedexpectations. And I fully expect that somewonderful man will eventually come into mywidowed life and bring warmth and kindnessand compatibility and understanding — — andfew expectations will be unfulfilled by either ofus.We all want a lovingmother. Falseexpectations will notcreate one. Authentic Insider | Page 30

Page 31

Page 32

How trauma is passed down from onegeneration to the nextMark Wolynn in his book, “It didn’t start with you”talks about a patient of his who suddenlydeveloped insomnia at the age of 19 and startedhaving an irrational fear of freezing to death.Nothing could help him, he’d gone to a therapistand psychiatrists and still the fear persisted, untilhe (the therapist) looked at this patient’s familyhistory and learned that this patient’s uncle hadpassed on 30 years ago. His uncle had frozen todeath at the age of 19.Somehow this client had taken on that ancestralmemory of his uncle and at the age of 19, the agewhen his uncle passed on, he’d started havingthese fears of death.GENERATIONALFINANCIAL TRAUMAB Y V A N G I L E M A K W A K W A hen I was struggling with depression; afriend of mine asked me a very interestingquestion: “How do you know that the depressionyou’re struggling with is your own?He explained that since traditional therapyhadn’t worked for me, it was possible that mydepression could be from my ancestors and from400 years of oppression.He advised me to start connecting with myancestors and to consider ways of healing myancestors, at the same time I was healing myself.It would take me years to fully grasp the power ofthat conversation. That conversation opened up awhole new way of healing for me and got me tostart exploring inherited financial trauma.When Your Financial Baggage Is Inheritedand Is Not Your OwnAuthentic Insider | Page 32 W

Page 33

Turning 19 had triggered the ancestral memory.In the book, he also talks about a woman whostarted having a desire to kill herself byincinerating herself. When they looked back at her ancestral historythey found that her entire family had beenincinerated during the Holocaust. That trauma had been passed onto her, she’dtaken on this ancestral memory and made itpart of her own. How financial trauma is passed down fromgeneration to generation We tend to think of trauma as somethingmassive but that’s not true, when we talk offinancial trauma we’re not talking of horrificevents, like people freezing to death at the ageof 19 or entire families being incinerated duringthe Holocaust.Financial trauma can be something as simpleas your mom losing her high paying job, leavingthe family broke and struggling.Suddenly you don't have the same access tothe things that you like and you can't afford thesame things as you did before.WE TEND TO THINKOF TRAUMA ASSOMETHINGMASSIVE BUT THAT’SNOT TRUE, WHEN WETALK OF FINANCIALTRAUMA WE’RE NOTTALKING OFHORRIFIC EVENTS,Authentic Insider | Page 33

Page 34

2. You hold onto money too tightly, you can’tspend money on anything or take risks withmoney because you’re scared that money willleave and never come back.To the outside world your behavior may lookmiserly and may even be interpreted as selfish,but this is a symptom of a deeper fear. Your children will sense this fear and may getthe idea that spending money on anything,taking risks or following their passion is riskybecause they may lose money.So they also end up holding onto moneytightly.One traumatic event around money, can shapean entire family’s relationship with money forgenerations to come.If this happened at a critical age, like your earlyteens, when you're becoming more aware ofmaterial things and how these material thingsinfluence your social circle, this can be considered afinancial trauma, because this event has the powerto change the way you interact with money. It’s not uncommon for an event like this to leaveanyone feeling like they can’t trust money becausemoney can leave and abandon them.If you experienced such an event and startedfeeling like you can’t trust money, there are 2 waysthis belief can change your behavior with money: 1. You get rid of money as soon as you have it, youspend it as fast as you earn it because you’resubconsciously rejecting money, before moneyrejects you. To the outside world it seems like you’re wastefuland financially undisciplined, but that’s not true. Theproblem isn’t lack of financial discipline, theproblem is that you don’t feel safe with money andso you don't trust money. But your children will sense this need to get rid ofmoney, they may even take on this fear of moneyand may also find themselves rejecting money andspending it as fast as they make it, without knowingwhy.ONE TRAUMATICEVENT AROUNDMONEY, CAN SHAPEAN ENTIRE FAMILY’SRELATIONSHIP WITHMONEY FORGENERATIONS TOCOME.Authentic Insider | Page 34

Page 35

There are reasons why we’re scared and petrifiedof having money and we need to understandwhere these fears come from so we can healthem.I always tell clients that they can't expect to doaffirmations and visualizations and get the sameresults as someone else because they don't knowother people’s ancestral stories and traumas.Some of us have deep money traumas that travelthrough our bloodline and affect everyone in thatbloodline differently; our healing depends on ushealing these traumas,The first step to healing ancestral money traumaYou can simply map out your family’s financialhistory for yourself and look at your parents’relationship with money and how theirrelationship with money mirrors their parents.And then look at how your relationship withmoney mirrors your parents’ relationship withmoney.That simple awareness can help you start healing. About Vangile Makwakwa:Vangile is the author of 3 books: Heart, Mind& Money: Using Emotional Intelligence forFinancial Success and The Holistic WealthManifesto Workbook and The Next LevelYou Money and Womb Journal. She’s a fulltime entrepreneur and the founder of wealthy-money.com a company that helpswomen of color heal ancestral moneytrauma so they can fall in love with theirbank accounts, increase income and livetheir best lives.I ALWAYS TELL CLIENTSTHAT THEY CAN'TEXPECT TO DOAFFIRMATIONS ANDVISUALIZATIONS ANDGET THE SAMERESULTS AS SOMEONEELSE BECAUSE THEYDON'T KNOW OTHERPEOPLE’S ANCESTRALSTORIES ANDTRAUMAS.If you feel ready to start healing ancestral moneytrauma and to start tapping into your ancestralmoney wisdom, check out my FREE 7 Day Trainingat this link: wealthy-money.com/trainingAuthentic Insider | Page 35

Page 36

Page 37

THE EVOLUTIONOF MENTALTOUGHNESSARTICLE BY COLLEN RYAN-HENSLEY, MENTAL TOUGHNESSEXPERT & MENTAL HEALTHADVOCATE rom the time I was a five-year-oldgirl, there was never a question that Iwould join the Navy. It was mygrandfather’s doing. A decorated Navyveteran of World War II and Korea, thestories he told me of his years at seawere rich with life satisfaction,exploration, mission, and brotherhood.Somehow, he seemed to have foundthe answer to the big existentialquestions, and his life embodied aspirit without which I knew my ownwould be incomplete. He died suddenly when I was 15.Without him, I was lost. Trapped in acycle that went something like this: Icraved approval because I’d lost mymain source of it. I had to be perfect ineverything, which meant creatingsuch unattainable expectations ofmyself that not only did I set myself upto fail, in some situations I made itimpossible for me to act at all. Whichled to depression and drinking in afutile effort to stop feeling so low. Thedepression and drinking put me in astate of stagnation, unable to moveforward in life, which led to my feelingeven more depressed. I was sodepressed that I thought about killing myself, which scared me so much Idrank even more.Mom dragged me to a therapist whose facewas hidden behind a clipboard with herempathy. I told her I wanted to kill myself.Then, she had to tell Mom. Mom cameunglued, so I didn’t mention it again foralmost 30 years.Later in the same week that Mom found out Iwas suicidal, we got in a fight. I don’tremember what started it, but I do know wewere in the kitchen, and I was screaming,inconsolable like I always was. Something toldme to put on my running shoes, and when Ileft the house, I just. Kept. Going. The moredeeply I breathed, the more the angstdisappeared. I started to connect to the worldaround me through the edge of my Authentic Insider | Page 37 F

Page 38

"EVERYTHING THAT I BURIEDUNDERNEATH & BEHIND MYMENTAL TOUGHNESS CAME OUT OFME IN WAYS THAT IMPACTED MYWORK, MY RELATIONSHIPS, MYENTIRE PERCEPTION OF THEWORLD, AND I DIDN’T HAVE A CLUETHAT ANY OF IT WAS HAPPENING."physical ability to run. Beforelong, I was weightless, almostbeing-less, and more alivethan alive all at the sametime. I’d run eight miles whenI returned to give Mom a hug.All was forgotten. But beyondmy teenaged awareness, thatnasty cycle continued:drinking, depression, andsuicidal thoughts. Then, moredrinking and moredepression.By the time I joined the Navyat 21, I was ready to bury myemotions. From the moment Ihit boot camp, I embraced theNavy’s stoic culture witheverything I had. I became anunfeeling robot, which madefor an excellent sailor withtotal focus on the mission.And then, a year and a halfinto my Navy career, two ofmy friends raped me at aparty as others let it happen.All of them were my fellowsailors. I blamed myself. No one mademe drink until I blacked outand lost control of mysurroundings. That decisionwas all mine. I didn’t report it.Instead, I faced the boys fromthe party the next day and toldthem to forget what they sawjust like I would. I locked thememory of that night deepdown inside of me. At sea, my mind was open tothe world, to weirdness thatdidn’t make mine seem sodifferent. Out there, my worldmade sense. The only way I’dgotten to that headspacebefore then was throughrunning. Combining the shipwith running and the totalsobriety that time on the oceangave me, without access toalcohol, helped to silence thedisruptive ego-noise that typeof toxic escapism unleashed.The treadmill was my church. Ifelt like I understood life andeverything about it. I felt so good. So complete. Soat peace. We’d eventually gohome, I’d order a drink tocelebrate and forget about allof it.I ran to avoid. I drank to avoid. Ididn’t feel a thing. Everythingthat I buried underneath andbehind my mental toughnesscame out of me in ways thatimpacted my work, myrelationships, my entireperception of the world, and Ididn’t have a clue that any of itwas happening. The past has a way of risingfrom the dead, no matter howdeep we bury it. When I left

Page 39

the Navy to put the suffer-in-silence ways behind me, Iembraced mental healthcounseling as a means of coping with the awkwardtransition from military tomilitary-veteran. The more Italked, the better I felt. Themore I peeled away the layers,the more I understood. Then,almost two years after leavingthe Navy, I met the man withwhom I felt safe enough toconsider sharing a life. Andthat’s when I couldn’t avoid itanymore. Over 15 years afterthe rape, my mind felt safe andsecure enough to process thetrauma, so I didn’t have achoice.Flashes of them using my bodybecame so incessant that Ifinally told my counselor that Imay have been assaulted in theNavy. Right after I told her, Icanceled my counselingappointments for months. Thethought of getting it out therein the open, that I was a victim,I’d gotten so used to that feeling, that tightness, that Iforgot it was there until then,when with those words, it wasgone. I was free.The mental toughness that Iprized so much built a wall thatkept me from being truly free.Now, I have a responsibility touse my experience and my voiceto help those who blamethemselves for being sexuallyassaulted or harassed, escapethrough self-medication tonumb their pain, fear admittingto suicidal thoughts, or run fromintimate relationships. Todebunk the myth that admittingto, let alone talking about ourissues, is a sign of weakness.There is nothing morecourageous than to face downand conquer our dragons. Andthere is nothing more freeing—and exciting—than to embark ona journey to healing. would reinforce a weaknessthat my toughness could notbear. But I couldn’t bear theflashbacks, sleep deprivationand anxiety either, so I pulledfrom my toughness to face it.I returned to my counselor. Iasked her if she rememberedwhat I’d told her last. Shesaid, “Yes, you were raped inthe Navy.”It was the first time I’d heardthe words out loud. Therewas a sharp tightnesssomewhere between mychest and my stomach. Icouldn’t breathe. “I. Was. Raped.” I said. I could breathe again. BeforeI said the words, before Ifaced the truth, I wasdrowning, gasping for air,filling my lungs with a millionpounds of pressure pushinginto and out of every part ofme, into and out of everypart of my life. Authentic Insider | Page 39

Page 40

Page 41

Page 42

Page 43

Page 44

Page 45

Gratitude Awareness Month is a greattime to not only practice gratitude butlisten to songs that open our hearts toappreciations. Whether showinggratitude for a partner, a friend, or amoment. Small bits of gratitude can shiftnegative feelings or difficult challengesto opportunities of growth. So take alisten and think of all the beautiful thingsto be grateful for. "Thank you" - Dido"“Thankful” – Kelly Clarkson“Thank God I Found You” – Mariah CareyFeaturing 98 Degrees And Joe“Give Thanks And Praises” – Bob Marley AndThe Wailers“You’re My Best Friend” – Queen“Thank You For Being A Friend” – Cynthia Fee “Gratitude” — Earth, Wind, & Fire“You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman” —Aretha Franklin“Thank U” – Alanis Morissette"Your SonG" - Elton John"This" by Darius Rucker"Thank You for Loving Me" by Bon Jovi"I Could Not Ask for More" by Sara Evans"How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You)" byJames Taylor"Blessed" - Martina McBrideAuthentic Insider | Page 45

Page 46

Mental health affects everyone. Here are just a few books to help kids understandemotional and learning challenges.Bear has come up with the perfect way to say thanks—anice big dinner! When Bear decides to throw a feast, hisfriends show up one by one with different platters ofdelicious food to share. There’s just one problem: Bear’scupboards are bare! What is he to do?Karma Wilson’s playful text and Jane Chapman’scharming illustrations bring to life this celebration offamily and friendship. Young readers will delight indiscovering the special gift Bear has to share.Little Betsy will learn that happiness is made up of simplethings in life, both small and big. With the help of themagic stone, she will begin to feel gratitude for herparents, friends, and toys. But what happens when littleBetsy forgets to use the magic of her stone? She willrealize that the power of gratitude is hidden in her heart."Gratitude is my superpower" will teach your little ones toappreciate the warmth of home, time spent playing withfriends, and family relationships.*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.Authentic Insider | Page 46Gerald is careful. Piggie is not.Piggie cannot help smiling. Gerald can.Gerald worries so that Piggie does not have to.Gerald and Piggie are best friends.In The Thank You Book!, Piggie wants to thank EVERYONE.But Gerald is worried Piggie will forget someone . . .someone important.

Page 47

Mental Health, Memoir & EmotionalSupport Books(Adult)In the aftermath of unthinkable loss or catastrophic injury caused by the negligence ofothers, shock, uncertainty, and anger set in. You can't change what happened, but youcan control your next steps with a plan—one that will help your family tackle thechallenges ahead and ease the overwhelming burden. Few understand this more thannationally recognized lawyer Kyle Bachus. With more than 25 years of experiencerepresenting families in catastrophic injury and death cases, Kyle gained firsthandknowledge of his clients’ experiences when his own mother was struck and killed in acrosswalk. A groundbreaking guide for women of all ages that shows their natural moodiness is astrength, not a weakness As women, we learn from an early age that our moods are a problem, an annoyance tobe stuffed away. But our bodies are wiser than we imagine. Moods are a finely tunedfeedback system that allows us to be more empathic, intuitive, and aware of our owncapabilities. If we deny our emotionality, we deny the breadth of our talents. Balancing between soulful spirituality and cheerful pragmatism, Elizabeth Gilbert encouragesus to uncover the “strange jewels” that are hidden within each of us. Whether we are lookingto write a book, make art, find new ways to address challenges in our work, embark on adream long deferred, or simply infuse our everyday lives with more mindfulness and passion,Big Magic cracks open a world of wonder and joy.*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.Authentic Insider | Page 47

Page 48

In November, people may need to be reminded that they deserve love and are loveable. Finances and career could beaffecting your love life right now. Some could be dealing with a break up, separation or divorce for couples. Some couplesare going to be reconciling and others you will have to move on because you could be settling for less. For the couples whoare getting back together, therapy, counseling and coaching would be a good idea.For singles, there was a relationship that was holding you back from being happy and advancing your life. It's time to removeyourself from people, places, and things that no longer serve you. Codependency, low esteem, and fear of being alone couldhave kept you stuck in the wrong relationship. Understand you don't need anyone in this life to make you happy or to befinancially stable. You are able to do this on your own. Just keep this in mind. For those who are dating, you could have achoice between two people, the advice is to pick the person you love over the person whose superficial traits attract you..Other messages I received were deception and envy around a friendship and relationship. The truth will be revealed andthose that are feeling envy will be made known . People could be comparing themselves to you. Remember, we are all on ourown journey. There is no need to compare. On the other hand, prosperity will be coming in for you. I see new beginnings formany because most have moved on from a situation that caused heartache and loss. Those in a relationship will need towork on your partnership and bring a higher power into the situation. This will help with any stresses, challenges andobstacles you may be experiencing in your relationship.There are some who are feeling peaceful and want things to be well. Then you have others who could be depressed about thepast. It would be a good time to dream and have faith. Co-create with the universe to manifest your dreams into a reality. In regards to work, career, and finances, there will be a windfall of abundance coming towards you. This will come to supportyour life purpose, health, and charitable work. It's good to keep an abundance mindset. Remember to know that yourabundance is here in the present moment. Affirm what you want as if you have it now. Employment change is coming soon.This could be a better opportunity or some could be getting a promotion. Be sure you are saving as much as you can. Payyourself first.In conclusion, life advice will be to clear out the clutter in your life. Whether this is mental, physical or emotional. Sometimeslife will sting. Life is speeding up. Trust in the great mystery of life. Again, co-create your life with the universe to allow yourselfthe opportunity to design your life. Instead of living your life by default. Always remember that spirit has your back.Monthly Collective Readings for All Signswith Joy Larkin (October 1, 2022 - October 31, 2022) Joy is a Narcissistic AbuseSurvivor who has made it her life'swork to help others through lifecoaching. She is also a healer,earth angel and psychic medium.If you would like coaching servicesfrom Joy and/or get your ownpersonal reading, please scan thebarcode below with yoursmartphone camera.READINGSPersonalINFOCoachingAuthentic Insider | Page 48