Authentic Insider Magazine March 2022 Issue : simplebooklet.com

editor's noteDear Readers,For the month of March, we are celebrating Women'sHistory Month and honoring social workers who are on thefrontline to maintain the safety of our most vulnerablecitizens. Kathryn Marsh gives us a look at the critical rolesocial workers play in our communities for Social WorkersAppreciation Month. With February being a short month, personally, it waswrought with uncertainty, but I am so grateful for my entireteam at Authentic Insider and the incredible contributorswho shared their stories of resilience, including ZelnaOberholster's piece as a multiple sexual abuse survivor whowent from Screwed to Thriving. Kimberly Bell shares herstory as a survivor of sexual, physical, and emotional abuseand discusses how to Accept and Embrace it All to thrive.As a survivor herself, Yvonne Sandomir educates us onGrooming Techniques caregivers need to look for to keepchildren safe. And as we navigate the uncertainty of thepandemic, Melissa Kilbride shares how we can make ourchildren feel secure with her piece, The Kids Are Not AllRight.As women, many times, we underestimate our ownAuthentic Power. In this month's GenZ POV, DanielaGhelman, shares her personal struggles with self-worth andhow we can get our power back with a whole lot of self-love. Cali Binstock contributes to the theme of Women'sHistory Month with her piece for Healing through Art byTaking Back the Power of the Vulva. We focus on radicalself-love with the life source that many have felt ashamedabout for too long.As with every issue, we have our Women EmpowermentPlaylist, along with my pick of children's books that honorwomen. And don't forget Joy Larkin's Twin Flame Readingsto see what's in store for you this month.Lorilee BinstockEditor in ChiefAuthentic Insider | Page 02Always, Lorilee Binstock

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or many, when we hear the words “Social Worker,” we think of Child Protective Services(CPS) or Social Services. Social Workers are oftendepicted in TV shows, books, and movies asoverworked, harried, not paying attention to thechildren in their care, and ignoring abuse. In myexperience, nothing could be farther than the truth.Is there burnout? No doubt. Are there bad appleshere and there? There are, just like in every careerfield. However, most social workers are trulydedicated and caring individuals. I have had theopportunity to work with excellent social workers inhospitals, schools, child protective services, adultprotective services, and counseling programs.Social workers play a critical role in the schoolsetting. They assist students, families, teachers, andadministration with issues like truancy, aggressivebehaviors, physical outbursts, emotional concerns,economic issues, sexual abuse, sexuality, andsubstance abuse. School social workers areimperative for the overall health of the studentbody. They can conduct psychosocial assessments,provide individual counseling and treatment plans,advocate for student services and provide trainingto staff. Studies that have tracked schoolwideinterventions through social workers have foundimprovements in social, emotional, literacy, andmath outcomes for disadvantaged students.Hospitals employ social workers as a go-between forpatients and hospital staff. They are integral inconnecting patients to needed services. Socialworkers assist with discharge and post-hospitalplans, help with payments and find alternative FIn the SchoolIn the HospitalAuthentic Insider | Page 09

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sources for payments for treatmentand medications. They assist inobtaining necessary medicalequipment, assist with a child’shospital stay, help explain diagnosesand provide comfort. They ensure thatpatients are safe to return home andare not in abusive environments.Hospital social workers are a patient’sadvocate and work hard to make adifficult situation the least stressful aspossible.We often hear about child protectiveservices, but how much do we hearabout adult protective services (APS)?APS serves older adults and adultswith disabilities. They investigateallegations of abuse, neglect andexploitation. They also work to helpseniors obtain needed services to liveas independently as possible. I havebeen fortunate enough to work withamazing APS social workers. A couple of examples include a socialworker who learned that an elderlywoman’s son had forged her name tomortgage documents and had filedpaperwork to liquidate all the equity inher home. In conjunction with lawenforcement and the prosecutor’s office,the worker was able to stop the bankfrom processing the equity loan andhelped establish a power of attorney andtrust to protect the woman from futurefinancial abuse. Another case involved a middle-agedman who had suffered a stroke, and his“caretakers” would provide him a bowl ofdry cheerios a few times a day and leavehim in his own filth. He had deterioratedto the point that he was emaciated, had alive maggot infestation, and could notwalk. At this point, a concerned personcontacted APS. APS workers placed theman in an emergency bed in a VA long-term treatment hospital. Within 60 days,he had gained 30 pounds, and within 90days, he was walking again. The APSAdult Protective ServiceAuthentic Insider | Page 10

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workers, along with law enforcement, were ableto establish medical neglect and abuse, whichled to a successful prosecution and lengthy jailsentences. Outside of these two examples, Ihave witnessed APS workers help provideramps in homes for individuals who havebecome wheelchair-bound, work withcontractors for seniors who require repairs totheir homes but can’t afford the quotes, helpidentify transportation for medicalappointments and often just visit and providecomfort and care to a client.When it comes to child protective services, thegoals of social workers are to observe safechildren and healthy and happy family units.CPS social workers don’t go into a situationlooking to remove a child. They go into asituation to determine, is the child safe? Doesthe family need resources? What can we do tohelp? Removals from home are rare. CPSworkers often help families obtain housing,food, and clothing. I’ve witnessed workers obtain glasses for a child in need and acquiremental health treatment for a child whosemedical insurance could not get them seenpromptly. When it comes to trauma, CPS social workersare front-line workers. Many CPS socialworkers are certified forensic interviewers whointerview children who have experienced theworst abuse or witnessed horrific crimes.Forensic interviews are conducted in ChildAdvocacy Centers (CAC) in a trauma-informedmanner. Forensic interviews are non-leadinginterviews that adhere to a national standard toensure trustworthiness and help reduce the re-traumatization of children. CACs provide wrap-around services for the child and family, frominterviews to counseling. (Learn more aboutforensic interviews and Child Advocacy Centersat the National Children’s Alliance). I havewitnessed forensic interviewers walk a childthrough their own physical and sexual abuse aswell as witnessing the murder of a parent.Authentic Insider | Page 11

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These are not easy interviews,for the child or theinterviewer, but imagine howmuch harder these interviewswould be if they were notconducted by a certifiedlicensed social worker? Whenthe worst happens to a childthe social worker is often theone constant the child has.From medical appointments toschool changes and fosterfamilies, the social worker isthere. The social workeranswers the phone when thechild needs to vent. They visitthe homes (at all hours of theday) to ensure the child issafe, and they often spendmoney out of their ownpocket, not that they’ll everadmit it, to make sure thechild has all their basic needs. Social workers help shepherdchildren through theseAdverse ChildhoodExperiences (ACES). Withoutearly intervention, ACES canlead to long term negativeoutcomes like cancer,diabetes, depression, anxiety,PTSD, substance abuse issuesand more. (To learn moreabout ACES check outCDC.gov). Social workers areon the front lines every dayhelping individuals in crisis andwho have experienced trauma. As a result, social workersoften experience vicarious orsecondary trauma. Some signsof vicarious trauma include:Compassion fatigue;nightmares, exhaustion,anxiety and increased conflict. Social Workers “[H}elp peoplesolve and cope with problemsin their everyday lives”, andthey deserve our appreciationevery day, not just in themonth of March.Without earlyintervention, ACEScan lead to long termnegative outcomeslike cancer, diabetes,depression, anxiety,PTSD, substanceabuse issues andmore.Authentic Insider | Page 12

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he first time it happened, I was four years old. He was my mother's newboyfriend. The second person who molestedand raped me was an old man who looked likeAndy Capp and smelled of snuff along withhis horrible, dirty, and violent friend. Then, itwas a captain in the railway police and thenmy grandfather- all before I was ten yearsold. That's when I became too mature forthem. I thought it was over. I could finally benormal. But then I got pimples and boobs anda young man, once a boy, kept his promise:everything with me will be his first. He rapedme on my sixteenth birthday, less than 40meters from the front door of my step-grandmother's flat.It always felt like everyone knew. When Istarted getting little "beestings," the boys atthe public pools would stare while the olderones would grab me. All I had to defendmyself with was my attitude and words. Iwore extra-large jerseys to hide my boobsand extra-long school dresses to hide my legsin high school, but that was not all I washiding. My stepfather was an alcoholic and was notalways the most above-board with earning hismoney. Both landed him in jail- the alcoholbecause he caused an accident, killing a manwhile under the influence, and assaulting mymom and me. She would usually bail him outthe following day, believing he had learnedhis lesson. I would miss school because Iwould not have my school uniform or mybooks with me in our hurry to run away fromhim. The person we ran to was the wife of thepolice captain who raped me.TO THRIVINGTO THRIVING!!ScrewedBy Zelna OberholsterTAuthentic Insider | Page 14

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I WAS SCREWED FROM ALLSIDES; VAGINALLY, ORALLY,EMOTIONALLY, ANDINTELLECTUALLY. I was screwed from all sides; vaginally, orally,emotionally, and intellectually. That is how Ifelt for a very long time, I believed the worldwas a cruel, lonely place to live, however, atschool, I noticed that some families weredifferent. When I visited school friends orattended parties, their parents were not drunk.They drove fancy cars and stayed in massivehouses and said loving things to one another.Their fathers were mostly their heroes. I startedrealizing there was an alternative reality tomine.I do not know if my own father was a hero. Iknow he wasn’t a saint. He was handsome,charming, loved laughing, and by all accountsloved the ladies. He died before I could decidefor myself what kind of man he was. In mylimited time with him, I experienced him assoft-spoken, handsome, funny, a thinker, agambler, and someone who loved my mom andwho treated her like a princess. There weresome situations that I remember that were a bitunusual, but then, nothing in my life was usual,and I suspect as I coach clients today, we allhave a made-up perception of “normal”, “usual”,“acceptable” and “screwed up.” But we weredefinitely different from what others allowed usto see about their lives.I was religious. I learned Zulu from our help andI could talk to them the whole day about Jesus. Iloved all our “ennies”. I noticed how they wouldlive with us, leaving their children behind attheir rural homes. It made me sad- I could notimagine growing up without my mother. Istarted questioning everything to everyone’sgreat frustration.Authentic Insider | Page 15

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Some families would say that Ialways got what I wanted. And ina way that is true. If I wantedsomething to happen in a specificway, I would imagine it and itwould almost happen exactly as Iimagined it. If I wantedsomething, even knowing thatthere was no money for it, Iimagined what it felt like havingit, smelling it, tasting it, huggingit….and more often than not, Iwould have it. Sometimes I wouldimagine life without someone andthey would die, and then I felthorrible and blamed myself. Butwhat I did not have power overwas getting molested and/orraped by these men. I would thinkof a hundred excuses not to gowith or visit the uncles, butinevitably as a small child, Iwould have to go wherever myparents went. My religion was raped from mealong with my body the night ofthe rape on my sixteenth birthday.His father was a pastor, and nextto his bed, the Bible was open. Ididn’t want to go to I QUESTIONED GOD’SEXISTENCE, WHY HE WOULDALLOW ALL THESE THINGS TOHAPPEN TO ME AND IQUESTIONED WHY I WAS PUTON EARTHchurch anymore. I questionedGod’s existence. Why would heallow all these things to happento me and I questioned why I wasput on earth. Suicidal thoughtstook shape in my dreams,imagination, and during school. Iwas looking for the right way. Iwas certain no one would miss meif I were no longer there. I had anervous breakdown. I finally toldmy mom- with no details, but Idid not mention that mygrandfather was also one of therapists. I wanted to protect him.She went berserk. She wanted tokill them. The one uncle was deadalready. My mom wanted to go Authentic Insider | Page 16

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to the police. We debated it. Whatpurpose would it serve? I was almosttwelve years older than when it firsthappened and the boy who recently didit had his whole life ahead of him. Ithink my mom called his father. To putour decision in context, this was in1987, when rape, molestations, andsexual assault were not heard of. Wedidn’t even know what to call it backthen.After my breakdown, my mom washospitalized regularly for her Crohn'sdisease. I had to make sense of my ownworld and fight my own battles. The twoyears leading up to my final exams werea daze of hiding in my shell, becomingeven less sociable, fighting the battlefor the underdog, caring for my mom,and pretending to be a good girl. I readmore and more books, the type youdidn’t get to see at the school library. Istarted modeling and writing articles forextra income to help keep us afloatthrough the month and to save a little. Iknew I never wanted my mother’s life. Ihad to do better, be better at whatever Idid to get out of these circumstances.Unfortunately, I was no better. Thingsfailed. Sometimes things that Isucceeded at were so great that othersstarted believing in me. My potentialgave me opportunities, but then I wouldSTILL, I WALKED WITH MY HEAD HELD HIGH,KEPT ON QUESTIONING, KEPT ONCHALLENGING, AND TRIED TO MAKE SENSEOF MY WORLD. AND THEN ONE DAY IT JUSTDID.Authentic Insider | Page 17

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screw it all up. Still, I walked with myhead held high, kept on questioning, kepton challenging, and tried to make sense ofmy world. And then one day, it just did.I knew who I was, what I wanted in life,and what I was prepared to give up inreturn for the life I imagined for myself.The right books, movies, and peoplestarted appearing on my path the more Ibelieved in my own worth. I got rid ofeverything that held me back. I carefullybegan selecting each piece of the life Iwanted, which started to fall into place. Inthe beginning, it was hard work, and I hadmany obstacles in my way. Then it camenaturally and pieces that I never evenconsidered starting filling in, like theperfect husband for me, and the puzzle ofmy life. There were some detours but the pathtowards my destination was within view.The law of attraction was real to me and Ifound so many opportunities where thepain of the past could help others. Ithrived. However, the thriving I sought,was different from the type of thriving Iexperienced. I thought thriving andsuccess would mean, wealth, academicsuccess, position, having the right houseor the right car. Once I achieved that, Iwas still left with an unexpected feelingof emptiness. When I started living mypurpose, experienced peace, love, andwholeness, I felt truly fulfilled. This iswhere I am. I am no longer chasingmoney, recognition, and power. Instead, Iam content. I sleep well at night. Iappreciate the smallest of things. I amliving a mindful life, fully experiencingmoments, emotions, and people. My joy isnot from clenching a big deal, earning ahigh-performance bonus, or having animpressive title. No, my joy is from havingreal moments of delight with our dogs,with our daughters, with my husband, andseeing my clients achieve success inwhatever success means to them. Theincredible thing about my life now is thatI accept, I understand, I forgive and I canbe genuinely happy for someone whoachieves their version of success. If mybook, Napierville, helps only one moreperson today than it did yesterday, if mycoaching session gives each client thetools to reach their goals, If I feel like Ideserve the look of admiration in mydogs’ eyes or feel and experience the fullmagnitude of my husband’s love in thesmallest of gestures, then I thrive. And ifmoney and success (in usually acceptedterms) flow from it, what a marvelousbonus that is!Authentic Insider | Page 18

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Child Abuse Awareness:Grooming TechniquesWRITTEN BY:YVONNE SANDOMIR he epidemic of child sexual abuse affects individuals from every socioeconomic level,religion, education level, ethnicity, and cultural line.In other words, no child is immune from the risk ofbeing victimized. Here are grooming red flags we allneed to know. Sexual predators are cunning, manipulative, andcharmingly sly. They tend to target insecure,emotionally needy, and isolated children and thosewith absent parents. These predators live among us. They are ourchildren's coaches, teachers, clergy, church members,family, and family friends. Contrary to popular belief,they aren't "creepy" people lurking alone in darkalleyways or strangers luring kids to their houses withanimals and candy. Sure, some are, but the hardreality is that the people you believe you can trust themost with your child are those most likely to harmthem. Reports show that ninety percent of victimsknow, love, and trust their abuser. A predator in your circle may make an extraordinaryeffort to convince you to trust them. They are patientand put in the time to lure and gain the parent's trustbefore moving on to their victim. Predators thenexploit this trust by using it as a tool to manipulatetheir victims to keep their dirty secrets. They may frequently stare at or be overly concernedabout a specific child's wellbeing. They may overlycompliment the child, give special attention, or caterto a child's needs in an unusual way, such as hairbrushing or shoe tying. They may become familiar with the child's likes anddislikes and use it to their advantage. They use theseshared interests (i.e., sports, video games, music) as away to "innocently" spend time with their victims toearn their adoration and love, giving the parents andvictim a false sense of security.They may offer to be a sympathetic listener whenTAuthentic Insider | Page 21

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everyone else hasdisappointed the child. Theytry to stay relatable to theirvictim and comfort them,"I've been there too," or "Ifeel the same way." Apredator might try toconvince the child that theyknow them better thananyone, even their parents,solidifying their "bond." Itshould raise a major red flagif an adult has become yourchild's confidant.They may try to isolate yourchild and get them alone.Any situation where theymust change clothing, suchas swimming, a sleepover, ora camping trip, puts them ata very high risk of beingabused. A predator whosuccessfully gets their victimalone will almost alwayssucceed in victimizing them.An adult inviting a childalone anywhere overnightshould raise an immediatered flag.They may touch your childoften in your presence,desensitizing them to theirThese predators live amongus. They are our children'scoaches, teachers, clergy,church members, family, andfamily friends. touch and planting the beliefthat you are okay with it. Itcould be draping an armaround them, playing ticklinggames, wrestling, or askingfor a goodbye hug. Payattention to how your childreacts to that physical touch.If they look uncomfortable orstiffen up, it could signifythat something more sinistercould be happening. They may sexualize a child bymaking inappropriatecomments about theirphysical development orhaving an adult discussionabout sexual topics in frontof them. They maycompliment them on theirgrowing bodies or note theyare looking "grown-up."Predators use these tacticsto desensitize their victims tosex. They may openly discussnudity as being "normal" infront of the children. Theymay "accidentally" exposethemselves to the children orlook at pornographic imagesor videos in front of them.Authentic Insider | Page 22

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Never force your child tohug anyone. Doing so robsthem of their autonomyand teaches them thatthey must accept physicaltouch from adults, even ifthey disapprove.Again, this desensitizes them to the idea of being nude. They may bring gifts, offer money, and special trips. They may always geta toy for a younger child or invite an older child to watch their favoriteband in concert. They could even provide unsolicited cash to the parents.If an adult is buying your child gifts or offering money unsolicited, youhave to ask yourself why. Why are they being so generous to me? Why dothey want to spend so much time with my child?Protecting our children starts right in our homes, so here are just a fewmore tips. Never force your child to hug anyone. Doing so robs them oftheir autonomy and teaches them that they must accept physical touchfrom adults, even if they disapprove. Not only should you always knowwhere your child is, who they are with, and have a telephone number toreach them, but they should also have the same information for you. Becoming aware of these grooming red flags is a great start to protectingour children, but we mustn't stop there. It's crucial to learn everythingabout child sexual abuse we can, from the grooming techniquespredators use to the signs and symptoms that abuse may have alreadyoccurred to how to prevent it from ever happening to your child in thefuture. Yvonne is the author of the invisible girl. She is also a lifecoach with more than six years of psychotherapy underher belt. She’s successfully broken her family’s cycle ofgenerational trauma Proceeds from her book benefitLauren’s Kids.Authentic Insider | Page 23

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What You Can Do to HelpRemember that many of our kids are not fullycomprehending all of the details around thepandemic the way we are. Some of the angstkids feel may be eased by providing accurate,age-appropriate information. It’s helpful tostart by asking what your child already knows.“Things with Covid are changing so fast, do youhave any questions?”“I’m guessing you have heard about Omicron. Doyou know how it is similar and how it is differentfrom other strains of COVID?”“It can be confusing that COVID precautions aredifferent at our school than at (fill in the blank).Are you curious about that? CONNECT!

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here comes a time in life when we must take a stand. I personallybelieve that taking a stand requiresthe strength and courage that onlyGod can provide. Every moment oflife that we breathe is anopportunity for us to make adecision. A decision to either investin ourselves or not; to build or teardown, to progress or digress, to bebitter or to be better. We all mustmake a choice for ourselves. I wakeup every day and I choose myhappiness, my self-worth, my peace.I claim it. I fight for it and I fight tokeep it. I chose to not allow myselfto be broken by the outcomesof my past failures. I chose tofind self-love and love me as Iwas created. Finding self-loveallowed me to grow with innerresilience, determination andwillpower.Even though we live in asociety that is dishonest andunjust, I always made thedecision, even as a young girl,to stand for the truth, toinspire and encourage others.My willingness to openly sharemy journey, from mistakes andFINDING SELF-LOVE ALLOWEDME TO GROWWITH INNERRESILIENCE,DETERMINATION& WILLPOWERBy Kimberly BellTAuthentic Insider | Page 30

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lessons learned, have helped me grow. I wasalso faced with situations that were beyondmy control. I had to accept that changehappens, and life is full of seasons that we gothrough. I had to embrace the change but notlet it define me. I couldn’t always control myoutcomes, but I definitely knew that I couldcontrol my reactions. I have found that as longas you are living, there is a purpose to shareyour smile, your love, your story, and faith inGod. From an early age, I believed that I was not agift and was not loved or wanted by my birthmom. The only love that I felt was from mybiological-father and older sister. But therewas one situation that altered the course ofmy life. At 6 years old, I was abandoned,separated from my siblings and given up forkinship care after a traumatic physicalaltercation between my parents. My memoir starts from the beginning of myadoption. I had witnessed my mother's abuseby my biological father. This specific physicalaltercation changed my life forever and justtraumatized me because there was bloodeverywhere. He just put his fist all in her faceand I remember him pulling her hair. Iremember just being numb and frozen. Mysister who was two years older than me washorrified. She was screaming, yelling, andtrying to pull my father off. I had to accept that change happens, and lifeis full of seasons that we go through.

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I remember looking at her and being sadbecause this was my older sister and Iloved her, and she showed me a lot ofkindness. But there was always adisconnection between me and mybiological mother that I noticed until I was5 years old. I never felt the love andcaress that I yearned for from a parent. Itwas a form of abuse that I held on to.That fight led to me being dropped off bymy parents with my paternal aunt anduncle. My dad told me that he wouldcome back to get me but he never did. Ididn’t really have a choice at the time. Inschool, I was misdiagnosed and bullied foran intellectual disability. During mychildhood, I was exposed to bothdomestic violence, child abuse, and molestation. I later struggled withunhealthy relationships, failed marriages,4 of them, and went through phases ofdepression, anxiety, trauma, and PTSD.Accepting and embracing helped me findfreedom and break the negative patternsin my life. From childhood trauma todomestic abuse, abandonment, and therejection that I had to live with, I had toget away from that mentality ofattachment to toxic relationships. Bysharing my journey I am giving meaning tothe trauma I endured. I believe that Imade it through to help others. Authentic Insider | Page 32

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All the events, challenges &experiences that I wentthrough helped shape meinto who I am today.There are stories of children takingtheir life when they were bullied.There have been stories of peoplegiving up when they were molested.They could not go on, struggle withdrugs, or just checked out. But whenyou survive it, it’s meant to be sharedto help someone else. The truth inany form should be exposed.Accept that you are createdbeautifully and wonderfully as a gift,and you still have so much more tolook forward to in life. Accept thatyou are here on earth to make adifference. We are all here on earthto make a difference. Embrace thatall that happened in your past willshape you for a greater purpose-driven life that God has in store for They said I would never even finishschool and obtain a degree, that Iwould amount to nothing! But all theevents, challenges, and experiencesthat I went through helped shape meinto who I am today. After all that Iwent through, I made a choice andtook a stand that I never wanted to bebitter in life or fill my life with hate. Iwould be better. Once you make thatchoice, that is when change comes. Sodon’t feel like you have to give up oryou have to give in because that isnot an option. You will endure till theend. Stay true to yourself. Be thevoice that we all need and believethat hope is only a prayer away. you. This is the season for us to be boldand courageous. It’s about embracing yourdestiny and living fearlessly.Statistics said I would never read or writeeffectively. As a teenage mother, theysaid I would be more likely to abuse mychildren or give them up. Authentic Insider | Page 33

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LET'S EMPOWEROURSELVES WITH LOVEBY DANIELA GHELMANOne of the struggles women face the most islearning to admire, respect, trust, and lovethemselves. Women carry the weight of beingconstantly criticized either by themselves or thepeople around them. You’re too skinny. You’re too fat. You’re showingtoo much skin. You’re using too much makeup.You need more makeup. Don’t post this on socialmedia, don’t do this, don’t say this… There’s along list of all the conventions imposed by thebeauty industry, by stigmas that a stereotypicalsociety has manipulated. And the reality is thatwe constantly look at ourselves in the mirror,longing for approval. We look for approval of ourbodies, the way we act, the way we look, and howwe think.I've lost count of the times that I've felt insecureabout my body and my annoying "irritable bowelsyndrome" (IBS) that constantly makes me bloatedand makes me hate my favorite pair of jeans orcrop tops because I cannot show my belly if I feelfat and ugly. I've lost count of the times I've feltinsecure because my laser wax stopped workingand hair reappeared in areas I'd rather be hairless.Or when my stress and hormones conspiretogether to make my face and body break out inacne. I can't help but feel that they have all thepower and control over me. ATT IC  |  JANUA RY 201618Authentic Insider | Page 36

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Eight months ago, I used to say to myself, "OK, my boyfriendloves me for who I am. I don't need to worry about this stuff."Until we broke up, and all those insecurities came in theform of a bomb about to explode in me. Then otherinsecurities arose, the ones that are even more difficult tofix, forget or pretend they're not there. I began to feel that Iwas not enough. As someone who has a previous history ofanxiety, my breakup, as expected, made me prompt foranxiety attacks. I started stressing over the silliest things,and then everything was a vicious cycle that would not stop.If I was stressed, my IBS would instantly make me bloated,heavy, and uncomfortable. If my stomach hurt, I felt morestressed because I wasn't able to control it. If I was stressedor anxious (or both, naturally), I had acne. And if I had acne, Ididn't feel pretty. Instead, I felt vulnerable and insecure.It got so repetitive that I started getting tired of feeling thatway. I needed to stop caring too much because, withoutrealizing it, I was not myself. I spent too much time workingon my physical appearance that I forgot to dive withinmyself. And when my attitude changed, and when I turnedmy early-twenties-life-crisis-thoughts into somethingpositive. I started seeing things from a different perspective—a very cool one. "Things really changed when Istarted to like my personalityand have fun with myself." 19I changed when I started to like myself - all of me; thegood and the bad. I realized that my IBS was a conditionI could not get rid of. By making peace with it, I learnedto control it (kind of). When I have acne on my face, Iknow it’s because there’s something triggering it, so I doa little self-introspection of what is causing me stress,and then find a solution to that. Things really changed when I started to like mypersonality and have fun with myself. I started dancingmore in the bathroom, in the kitchen and in front of themirror. I decided to be me without trying to impress therest of the world, without trying to feel included,accepted, and loved. And the less I tried, the more love Ireceived. My inner self and surroundings changedcompletely when I started feeling comfortable withmyself and getting along with myself. Suddenly, I wantedmy friends and my family to get to love me andappreciate me the way I do now.Authentic Insider | Page 37

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18I started to love myself when my life suddenlybecame uncertain and complicated. When Iturned pain into something positive and when Iwrote: "you are enough all on your own" on asticky note and pasted it on my mirror, andevery day (especially when I'm on my period), itreminds me of how enough and complete I am.But my life isn’t perfect, pretty, funny, or coolbecause I am writing this. I have my bad daystoo, almost every week. It's part of my routine. Irealize I have to feel sad and down and bored tofeel inspired, capable, and stronger. I once readthat destruction is essential to construction, andit’s so true because when we hit rock bottom, iswhen we suddenly start to swim toward thesurface looking for fresh air to breathe.I realized that for a long time, I abandonedmyself. But then, it all hit me because the truthis that no one would ever appreciate you theway you do. No one would ever understand theefforts and energy you put into what you do.And no one would ever understand what are thethings that you need to do to be okay. Only you. If you are reading this, I just want to say that theonly person who will be with you for the rest ofyour life is you. You are your longest and mostfaithful companion. I’d be lying if I told you that Idon’t care about my body image. The difference isthat this time, I’m not trying to impress anyone. Iwant to look at myself in the mirror and like whatI see. Because when you feel comfortable andempowered on the inside, that radiates on thesurface.Stop faking. Stop caring too much.Start doing things for you, because you enjoy it. Start loving your less favorite parts about yourself. Start working on yourself for yourself. Stop wasting your time and start falling in lovewith you.“I just want to say that theonly person who will be withyou for the rest of your lifeis you. You are your longestand most faithfulcompanion.”Authentic Insider | Page 38

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Healing throughthe ArtsTaking back the power of the vulva: PromptAuthentic Insider | Page 40by: Cali BinstockFor many women, vaginas and vulvas illicit shame and insecurities andsocietal expectations, stereotypes in the media, and unsolicited critiquesdon't exactly help. It can be even more difficult to love your Netherlandsif you've experienced sexual abuse. However, when people discuss radical self-love, loving all of ourselves, thegood, the bad, and the ugly, we cannot ignore the vulva/vagina.For this month's prompt, in honor of Women's History Month, let'slearn to love and embrace our vulva.Check out my sample artwork on the next couple of pages >>Whether you decide to create a self-portrait of your vulva, the following steps may help you to trulyembrace this life source.1. Educate YourselfLearn about the anatomy of the vulva and vagina and the rest of the female reproductive system.2. Look At ItBuy a hand mirror and take a look.Stop thinking of all of the folds and tunnels and crevices as gross, and reframe it as fascinating andunique.3. Look at other vulvasThe only time we’re ever exposed to what we're “supposed” to look like is when we watch porn.And that’s the worst representation of what real life is. Check out realistic vaginas at https://www.all-vulvas-are-beautiful.com and http://www.labialibrary.org.au/photo-gallery/#4. Use art to celebrate it with a self-portraitNow here's the fun part. If you checked out the links in #3, you will find my inspiration for this prompt.

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For WOmen's History month, we wanted to share great children's books that introducethem to women trailblazers who inspire. Girls and boys alike can appreciate theamazing contribution girls and women make in the world everyday.Instagram superstar and New York Timesbestselling author of Juno Valentine and the MagicalShoes Eva Chen shines a spotlight on 20 amazingwomen―including Megan Rapinoe, Sonia Sotomayor,Shirley Chisholm, Greta Thunberg and more!―in 3 21 Awesome! a sassy and fun counting board book,perfect for the youngest of budding feminists.Why stick with plain old A, B, C when you can haveAmelia (Earhart), Malala, Tina (Turner), Ruth (BaderGinsburg), all the way to eXtraordinary You―andthe Zillion of adventures you will go on?*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.Authentic Insider | Page 43Kate Pankhurst, descendent of Emmeline Pankhurst,has created this wildly wonderful and accessiblebook about women who really changed the world.Discover fascinating facts about some of the mostamazing women who changed the world we live in.

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Mental Health, Memoir & EmotionalSupport Books(Adult)The Epitome of Kimmy: Accept and Embrace it All, is an eye-opening memoir that takesyou beneath the surface into some of the harshest realities of a child’s life. It is theunfiltered true story of Kimberly Anne Bell, who is faced with a life of abandonment,sexual and physical abuse from a young age. As you read on, you will sense the traumaand silent pain as well as the divine intervention in her life that allowed her to overcomeand be who she is today.A heart-wrenching true story of childhood sexual abuse - the enduring guilt, shame,hopelessness, and anger that occurs because of it - and the palpable relief of healing andrecovery. Napierville guides you through the childhood of Zelna, a sporie - or railwaychild - as she grows up in Napierville, South Africa. This story reveals the appallingsexual assaults that Zelna suffered at the hands of family, friends of the family, neighbors,and boyfriends, beginning when she was only four years old and continuing into herteens.From the age of four, Eve wandered through a maze of injustice, exploitation, and unthinkableparental betrayal. After escaping home at the age of fifteen, it disheartened Eve to find thather childhood was only the beginning of a road fraught with violent relationships.Come along on her journey of perseverance through intense psychotherapy as she learns itis possible to not only survive the after-effects of deep childhood trauma but break thegenerational cycle for her own family.*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.Authentic Insider | Page 44

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Many are encouraged to try something new in their life. Change is necessary and may be the key to yourhappiness in March and beyond. Some who cannot see eye to eye may see an imminent end in theirrelationship. However, find the spiritual lesson and learn from it. Couples, you may have had disagreements ordifferences, but expect to reach a compromise.Those who are in a healthy, committed relationship are thriving. Always be sure you and your partner areshowing up as authentically as you can. Working towards being the best version of yourself daily will benefitBOTH of you in the relationship.Regarding mental health, a few need to be mindful not to overindulge in too many drugs, sex, and alcohol.There are also a few folks that may be addicted to toxicity, dysfunction, and unhealthy environments. Thesefolks could benefit from a bit of introspection. If you are single, be sure you are working on yourself. Doing your inner healing can attract better people,places, and opportunities into your life. Some may question why they find themselves repeating the samepatterns in relationships which may feel hopeless for the future. Don't let this get you down. Now is the time todo the work and focus on healing.Now is the time to set boundaries with those around you, possibly with family or an ex. It's okay to say no,especially if you don't want to do something. It's not the end of the world. Know your worth. You deserve to betreated with respect. Take your power back from those who have hurt you. In the work/career area, it's good to be mindful of your spending. Be sure that you are saving and investing inthings that interest you. Some who are depressed, anxious, or struggling with mental health issues tend tooverspend, overeat, and find other vices to numb the pain. Don't hesitate to reach out for help. Thoseconfident in their career path, keep going, and remember success doesn't happen overnight. In conclusion, try to remain strong and don't sweat the small stuff. Remember to be grateful for what you havein life. Have faith in the things you wish to manifest—practice patience. Great things take time. There is a needto clear out the clutter in your life, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally. Don't let mistakes from the pasthold you back. Your past does not define you. There is always a brighter and better future ahead. Monthly Collective Readings for All Signswith Joy Larkin (March 1, 2022 - March 31, 2022) Joy is a Narcissistic AbuseSurvivor who has made it herlife's work to help others throughlife coaching. She is also a healer,earth angel and psychic medium.If you would like coachingservices from Joy and/or getyour own personal reading,please scan the barcode belowwith your smartphone camera.READINGSPersonalINFOCoachingAuthentic Insider | Page 45