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InsiderPOST-TRAUMATICGROWTHWhile PTSD can be debilitating, PostTraumatic Growth has the ability tostrengthenHAS YOUR PTSD BECOME A HABIT? Trauma can condition survivors to become hypervigilant, long after the event has passed. Oneworman shares how she broke the patterns of PTSDOVERCOMING CHILDHOODTRAUMAOne man finds healing by going back to thechildhood home where he was abused.June is PTSDAwarenessMonthJune 2022

ChrysalisComing out of her silken cacoon ~where once she slept waiting to turnfrom caterpillar to butterfly.Was there danger of her being hunted ~killed while she slept?And in her dreams, she envisionsthe abundant treasures of the rain forests ~That now have been burned to the groundhacked to pieces.Her caterpillar eyes flutter in slumber ~at distant memories of the devastation.She had chosen her resting place ~carefully camouflaged.Finally, in the first breath of Summer ~she emerges as the ~crowned silver golden beauty of thepastel green butterfly ~ surrounded byher kind ~ SAFE.Authentic Insider | Page 02By Lindy Geraldyne Grace

Always, Lorilee BinstockEditor in ChiefAuthentic Insider | Page 03editor's noteDear Readers,June is PTSD Awareness Month. Contributors share theirstories of trauma and triumph including a piece by DavidCrow and how he was able to overcome childhoodtrauma. Suzanne Wheeler also shares how she broke thepatterns of PTSD, and Lu Bryant gives us a look at howyears of childhood trauma created constant invalidationthroughout her adult life. Anne Baldwin shares how shefound her purpose through advocacy in writing.achildren's book about Tourette's Syndrome inspired by herson.In our Gen Z's POV, Daniela Ghelman shares how hertrauma, led to Post-Traumatic Growth and Sarah Correa-Dibar breaks down how we can live each day withgratitude by creating our own happiness.In this month's Prosecutor's POV, Kathryn Marshdiscusses the ramifications of overturning Roe V. Wadeand I share my own personal experience of theimportance to choose.Marci Moberg continues her series on healing traumathrough the subconscious mind. This month she will discussher work with the spirit of plants.Cali Binstock provides a Healing through Art Prompt withShadow work. And as in every issue, we have your FeelGood Playlist to overcome PTSD triggers, along with mypicks for children and adult books. Plus, check out JoyLarkin's Twin Flame Readings to see what's in store foryou this month. Lorilee Binstock

Kathryn MarshProsecutor POVRoe V. WadeJoy LarkinTwin Flame ReadingsCali BinstockCreative DirectorHealing Though Art:Lynn BinstockCopy EditorAuthentic Insider | Page 04Monthly Contributors

David CrowContributorOvercoming Childhood TraumaSuzanne WheelerContributorHas Your Trauma Become Your HabitAuthentic Insider | Page 05June ContributorsAnne BaldwinContributorAdvocating for My SonLu Bryant ContributorInvalidation

Marci MobergContributorPlant SpiritsAuthentic Insider | Page 06Gen Z ContributorsSarah Correa-DibarGen Z POVEvery Day is Not EverydayDaniela GhelmanGen Z POVPost-Traumatic GrowthSubconscious Healing Series Contributor

P T S DA W A R E N E S SM O N T HProsecutor's POV: 12 Roe V. WadeGen Z POV: 15 Post-Traumatic Growth19 Everyday is NOT Every dayHealing Through Art: 52 Shadow/Light Mask55 AIM Playlist56 Recommended Books58 Joy's Reading1015I N E V E R Y I S S U EI N T H I S I S S U E312445Authentic Insider | Page 07By: David CrowBy: Suzanne Wheeler31 Overcoming Childhood Trauma37 Has Your Trauma Become A Habit?By: Marci Moberg24 Healing with the Spirit of PlantsBy: Lorilee Binstock10 The Importance of A Choice41 InvalidationBy: Lu BryantJ U N E 2 0 2 245 Advocating For My Specials Needs Son By: Anne Baldwin49 What is the Inner Shadow?By: Cali Binstock

firesidechat.com/LorileeBinstockAuthentic Insider | Page 08

Authentic Insider | Page 09“Trauma is personal. It does notdisappear if it is not validated.When it is ignored or invalidatedthe silent screams continueinternally heard only by the oneheld captive. When someoneenters the pain and hears thescreams healing can begin.”― Danielle Bernock, EmergingWith Wings: A True Story of Lies,Pain, And The LOVE that Heals

The Importance of a ChoiceEarlier that summer, I met a man I kept crossing pathswith. John* was older by about three or four years. I wasdefinitely into him, maybe even in love with him. Noneof my friends approved. He made me feel good aboutmyself, but that could have just been the illusion I builtup in my mind. There were times he made commentsreminding me of how young and immature I was. Thefirst night I slept with John, he was persistent andinsisted that a condom was unnecessary. We kept onwith this casual relationship for the rest of the summer.Throughout my wild and reckless summer, I failed torealize that I had skipped my period for at least twomonths. For some insane reason, I didn't believe therewas any way I could have been pregnant until I startednoticing that my clothes started to feel snug. I was leaving for college within weeks and was terrified.At that point, I had only told one friend. One that I knewI could trust and wouldn't judge me. He bought me apregnancy test and was there to support me when Icollapsed by the weight of such a heavy burden. Afterdriving my friend home, I contemplated driving my caroff a bridge. I'd taken so many pills that summer that Iwas surprised I was still alive. I don't believe thatwhatever drugs I could find would result in a successfulsuicide. s a parent, who carefully planned for twopregnancies, I can attest to the challenges manymoms face in raising children. I was financiallyprepared, and although I struggled with mentalillness, I had a therapist and psychiatrist to helpme stabilize. But even then, I struggled withtriggers from my Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,PTSD, which I unknowingly suffered from. InFebruary 2020, those triggers sent me totreatment, away from my two young children for31 days.More than 20 years prior, I had an abortion at 18,one week before I left for college. When I foundout I was pregnant, I thought my only way out wasto take my life. Lucky for me, I had another option.It was the summer of 2002, the mosttransformative year of my young adult life. I hadbeen on a downward spiral of sex, drugs, andalcohol. As early as the tender age of 12, I hadtried alcohol for the first time, showing up tomiddle school drunk with a friend. Some peoplewould call me wild and rebellious maybe because Ihad strict immigrant parents. However, in reality, Iwas reeling from symptoms of PTSD as a result ofchildhood sexual abuse by my father and anoverwhelming need to find validation anywhereand everywhere. These behaviors I engaged andindulged in are considered textbook symptoms ofPTSD.I graduated from high school that Spring andenjoyed life to the fullest and numbing whatevernegative feelings that would creep up. Not onlywas I drinking and smoking marijuana heavily thatSummer, but I had begun consuming any pill thatanyone had to offer, which included Oxycontin,Percocet, Xanax, Adderall, and others; sometimesall at once. Authentic Insider | Page 10AWritten By Lorilee Binstock*Names have been changed to protect their identity

Instead of driving home, I took a detour to John’s houseto tell him I was pregnant. However, he respondedwith, “I thought you started looking thick,” andquestioned whether it was him who had gotten mepregnant. He then told me how fucked up the babywould be based on my drug and alcohol use.Eventually, he asked me what I planned to do. I knewthe only answer was to terminate the pregnancy eitherthrough abortion or suicide. I was too unstable to takecare of myself at that point and definitely in no shapeto carry or raise a child. And based on my substanceabuse, this child would in no way be ok, even if it hadsurvived. More than anything, I knew that if I had thisbaby, I would lose any chance of escaping the constanttrauma of living with my abuser. I went to Planned Parenthood the next day by myselfand scheduled an abortion the following week. Thecost was five hundred dollars, which I did not have, butluckily, John had stepped in, fronted the money, andaccompanied me to the appointment. The next day, myparents moved me to Tallahassee, Florida, to attendcollege.No one forced me to get an abortion. I made thedecision based on my circumstances. Was Iirresponsible and reckless? Yes. Of course. But if youwere to look up the symptoms of PTSD, the recklessbehaviors I indulged in are considered textbooksymptoms. PTSD typically cycles into more trauma untilsomeone is capable of breaking it to find real healing. This decision toterminate thepregnancy wouldbe the mostimportant decisionof my life. I wouldgo on to get thehelp I needed, raisetwo beautifulchildren and breakgenerational cycles.Authentic Insider | Page 11This decision to terminate the pregnancy would be themost important decision of my life. I would go on to getthe help I needed, raise two beautiful children andbreak generational cycles. The path here didn’t comeeasy. But without that decision, my life would havebeen cut short. I’m not saying I am pro-abortion. I’m just saying wecannot strip these rights from women. We cannotbegin to understand the circumstances surroundingeach situation and it’s not our place to.

controversy, of the vigorous opposing views, even amongphysicians, and of the deep and seemingly absoluteconvictions that the subject inspires. One's philosophy, one'sexperiences, one's exposure to the raw edges of humanexistence, one's religious training, one's attitudes toward lifeand family and their values, and the moral standards oneestablishes and seeks to observe, are all likely to influenceand to color one's thinking and conclusions about abortion.”Rather, this article seeks to discuss the legal reasoning ofRoe and how the ruling in the draft opinion could impact thelives of not just women in this country but every citizen.The historical context of Roe is important in understandingthe reasoning behind the opinion. Considering the politicaldivide on abortion today, it may be surprising to know that atthe time Roe was handed down (a 7-2 decision) in 1973, theU.S. Supreme Court was a conservative-leaning court, andJudge Blackmun, who authored the opinion, was appointedby Richard Nixon. Additionally, it is important to understandthat the criminalization of abortion, is a fairly new concept.Abortion was permitted during the Greek and Romanempires, and at the common law. (Common law are laws that The potential overturning of Roe v. Wade is a currentflashpoint in our nation, as demonstrated by theunprecedented leaking of a draft U.S. Supreme Courtopinion. While I want to address the legal reasoning of Roeand the potential fallout from completely overturning almostfifty years of legal precedent, I would be remiss if I did notstress that 1) I do not condone the leaking of this draftopinion in any way. This sets a terrible precedent andundercuts the faith people may have in the legal system,and 2) This is a draft opinion only. Traditionally the court willgo through many draft opinions prior to deciding andformalizing the published opinion. Many of the items orstatements included in the Alito draft may not be in theactual published opinion of the court. All that being said, it isimperative to discuss the potential legal ramifications of acomplete reversal of Roe, if the published opinion continuesto hold that Roe was “egregiously wrong from the start.”This article does not seek to change an individual’s view onabortion, agreeing with the Roe Court about the “awarenessof the sensitive and emotional nature of the abortion “…[T]he Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment, which protectsagainst state action the right to privacy, including a woman's qualifiedright to terminate her pregnancy. Though the State cannot override thatright, it has legitimate interests in protecting both the pregnant woman'shealth and the potentiality of human life, each of which interests grows andreaches a "compelling" point at various stages of the woman's approach toterm.” Roe v. Wade, 410 U.S. 113 (1973)By Kathryn Marsh, Prosecutor POVAuthentic Insider | Page 12

Authentic Insider | Page 13So, what happens if Roe v. Wade was egregiously wrong fromthe start? Especially if Alito’s following statement holds true“Roe and Casey must be overruled. The Constitution makes noreference to abortion, and no such right is implicitly protected byany constitutional provision.” (Justice Alito's draft opinion) Thereare numerous rights and guarantees that we, as everydaycitizens, rely on that are not enumerated in a document that waswritten in the 1700s. The right to an education, the right topossess handguns or assault rifles, the right to equal pay, theright to contraception, private sex acts in our homes, interracialmarriage, the right to same-sex marriage, and the right to homeschool children are all rights that have been upheld by ourSupreme Court on the basis of the implicit right to privacy andliberty guaranteed by our Constitution although not expresslywritten.In Planned Parenthood of Pennsylvania v. Casey the SupremeCourt stated that it could not be seen bending to perceivedpolitical pressure and having been decided Roe must be upheld.But, if the current draft opinion holds, and a right that is notreferenced in the Constitution is no longer guaranteed, where dowe go from here? If the Court no longer relies on precedent or arefusal to bow to political pressures, where does that leave us?Is an individual’s right to privacy no longer a fundamental right?Does a state have a compelling interest in anyone’s medicaldecisions? Does the preservation of the life and health of themother no longer outweigh a state’s law? How does the legal community and its citizens handle the broadoverturning of established legal precedent? How can one planfor the legal future, if one doesn’t know that what is legallyjustified today may be unjustified tomorrow? With the leakeddraft opinion of a complete overturn of Roe and its legalreasoning, the potential fallout may be far larger than any of uscan perceive at this time.were based on custom and precedent from England andnot written statutes, that predate the establishment of theUnited States). Common law abortions were not illegaluntil after the “quickening” (recognizable movement ofthe baby in utero). In fact, the majority of statutes thatcriminalized abortion in the United States were enactedin the latter part of the 19th century.The Roe court first looked at individual rights and heldthat personal rights deemed “fundamental” areguaranteed by the Fourteenth Amendment. Specifically,the Court held that the right to privacy is a fundamentalpersonal right, and therefore this right outweighs andprohibits state action or intervention. The Court furtheropined that a personal right to privacy includes theabortion decision up, and until, a defined time inpregnancy. This ruling is based on prior Supreme Courtprecedent holding that when fundamental rights areinvolved regulations that limit these rights may only bejustified by a compelling state interest. Considerrestrictions on liberties in times of a national or statecrisis, or natural disasters, when the National Guard isactivated and curfews are put in place, or even the shut-downs and mask mandates during the pandemic. Inthese events, the compelling state interests justifiedlimitations on an individual’s fundamental rights. The Roe court held that a state has a “compellinginterest” in abortion at the end of the first trimester andmay regulate abortions at that time in ways that arereasonably related to maternal health. After viability, thestate has a “compelling interest” in the life of the fetusand may outlaw abortions. However, it is important tounderstand the fine print in Roe, especially in light ofsome of the recent rhetoric from state leaders. TheSupreme Court specifically stated that the State’sinterest in protecting fetal life, does not permit therestriction on abortions “when it is necessary to preservethe life or health of the mother.” Does the preservation of the life andhealth of the mother no longeroutweigh a state’s law?

“THE CONFLICT BETWEEN THEWILL TO DENY HORRIBLEEVENTS AND THE WILL TOPROCLAIM THEM ALOUD IS THECENTRAL DIALECTIC OFPSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA.”― JUDITH LEWIS HERMAN, TRAUMAAND RECOVERY: THE AFTERMATH OFVIOLENCE - FROM DOMESTIC ABUSETO POLITICAL TERROR

PTSD is our body's response to a situation thatcan cause a significant change in our lives. Ifyou, unfortunately, went through a traumaticexperience and now suffer from its aftermath, itdoesn’t mean that something’s wrong with youor that you have a problem. There’s nothing lessto expect than having PTSD from somethingthat turned your world upside down. I didn’tunderstand it that way at first. Instead, I felt outof place, that something was missing, like Gen Z POVBy Daniela GhelmanPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSDcomes in many different forms, at any givenpoint in life and at varying degrees ofintensity. It is not something new; in fact,according to a story published by NationalGeographic, PTSD has existed since theMesopotamian era, more than 3,000 yearsago. However, it became a concrete medicalcondition during the World Wars and theVietnam War, when soldiers returning homebegan calling for help and looking for ways tocalm their nerves and nightmares. Doctorsand scientists began to observe them closelyand realized that their responses to stressfuland frightening situations were associatedwith the brain. Today, PTSD is more inclusivethan ever, and people who are diagnosedcan be victims of war, sexual abuse, naturaldisasters, shootings, accidents, and more.Authentic Insider | Page 15

like an outsider because I was the onlyperson I knew that had some sort of PTSD.The term itself sounds pretty aggressive. Iused to feel like something was not okaywith me and that I needed to gosomewhere or do something in particularto treat it. Over the years, I discovered thatit’s not true. In fact, this May 21st was mysixth anniversary of living with PTSD. Afteryears of dealing internally and acceptingthat I do have it, I now embrace it andconstantly encourage myself to keepworking to overcome it.My PTSD is not just related to whathappened to me but to all the things thatmight be related to that situation. Forinstance, when I meet people or talk topeople who are not from Venezuela, one ofthe questions that I often get is, “have youever heard of someone who has beenkidnapped?” For the first four years, I usedto say: “Yes, I do,” but now, as I’ve becomemore comfortable with myself, I havechanged the answer to “Yes, I was.” Theiropen-mouthed and wide-eyed faces onlygive me the opportunity to say, “It’s okay,you don’t have to say anything. I’m fine; itwas a while ago.” PTSD can go hand in hand with depression,anxiety, and other maladaptive behaviors,but it also can strengthen your sense ofself. It’s called PTG, post-traumatic growth,because, behind the clouds, the sky isalways blue. According to UniformedServices University, there are five benefitsof PTG: stronger relationships, greaterawareness of new possibilities, increasedpersonal strength, spiritual enhancement,and a deeper appreciation for life. As someone who experienced a traumaticevent at a very young age, I canguarantee that those five characteristicsof PTG are possible. I have seen the worlddifferently since I was kidnapped. I am nowmore aware of my surroundings and moreempathic with people. I started to believethat everything happens for a reason andthat there’s a purpose behind whathappened to me (maybe writing this ispart of it). I certainly appreciate everyAuthentic Insider | Page 16

something great that you’ll be forevergrateful for, like graduating from aspecific university and pursuing thecareer of your dreams. Other times, itcan be painful experiences that seemimpossible to survive. It can be akidnapping, but it can also be abreakup. It can be anything that mightnegatively affect you. There will betimes when you’ll feel so weak that youstart wondering whether you’ll be ableto survive. But, to whoever needs tohear this, you certainly will. And oneday, no matter how distant it might be,you’ll realize that surviving all of thetraumatic experiences came fromstrength from within you. single thing I do because thatnight, I thought my life wouldbe cut short at sixteen yearsold in that car. I really thoughtI wasn’t coming back home. I know, although I wish itweren’t true, it’s possible I willexperience more trauma inmy life. We are a product ofour experiences. It could beAuthentic Insider | Page 17

EVERY DAY ISN'TEVERY DAYBy SarahCorrea-Dibar, Gen Z POVNo two daysare the same,let’s start totreat it thatway.Authentic Insider | Page 19

I realized how important itwas to have end-of-the-daycheck-ins to process themoments of the day thatmade me feel negativeemotions and project themoments that made me feelgood inside. t’s Sunday night. Again. It’s time to mournover your weekend. The weekend that wassupposed to check all the boxes on yoursuper cool to-do list that you had compiledduring your day-dreaming time in your 9-5(which let’s face it, is all the time). And justlike clockwork, the same weekly phrase slipsyour mouth: “Ugh, tomorrow is Monday.Again.”The lamest day of the week. What’s lame is spending five whole dayswaiting for the weekend and thinking of howthe weekend’s grass is greener when inreality, weekdays are full of value. It doesn’tmatter if most of your weekday consists ofwork. You’re still meeting people, creatingrelations, learning things, feeling emotionsyou hadn’t before, and being handed newopportunities. Who cares if you have towake up early the next day?I began creating this growth mindset at thestart of my professional career because of thisinstilled negative perspective thatconsumes almost every post-grad. As Istarted working, I realized how importantit was to have end-of-the-day check-ins toprocess the moments of the day that mademe feel negative emotions and project themoments that made me feel good inside. Istarted saying it out loud to loved ones orin my journal and I noticed I didn’t feelstuck in a pattern like corporate Americasays they are.You have to bring excitement to yourweek with activities to avoid overthinkingabout the weekend. Plan power walkswith your friend on Tuesdays, join asuper cool gym, set up wine Wednesdayswith your girlfriends, make friends with IAuthentic Insider | Page 20

your local coffee shop owners and set up shopthere to work remotely on Thursdays and maybeeven learn how to make cocktails to make foryour roommate after dinners. Every day is different. One bad Tuesday doesn’troll over onto Wednesday, everything can startover in 24 hours. If you think about it, you’llnever experience June 20th of 2022 ever again, sowhy in the world would it be the same as June20th 2021? It won’t. That’s why every day isspecial, you never know what is in store for you.It could be a huge surge of new followers on thesocial media platform you’ve been trying to growand the next day it could be a new friend at thecoffee shop you always study at.I mean, why would you want to roll over a badexperience from one day to the next? I fell intothat pattern with a coworker whowas mean to me. Every morning I wouldget ready dreading working alongside thewoman that would make my workplacemiserable. I consider myself a positiveperson who always tries to look at the goodin every situation, but this situation wasreally hard. Even the bad luck and bad moods canchange within 24 hours. So what if youspilled your coffee on your white blazer onthe way to the office, and then broke yourheel, and then ran out of gas on thehighway? Those things won’t happentomorrow, because every day is a new daywith new opportunities and new luck. “Do it, but do it now!” That’s what mymom would tell us growing up when wewanted to do something. That’s what Ihave to say about the ‘Weekend To-Do’ listyou have written. Every day is special, andyou have to treat it as such. There arethings you can do that are exciting andadventurous without compromising yoursleep schedule or responsibilities.Plan your next company outing at the Authentic Insider | Page 21

new cool restaurant that just opened intown, go on a date night with your husbandon the night before a not-so-busy day atwork, book an AirBnB for the week to workremotely from a beach house, or even for amonth in London if life allows it. . It’s allabout putting an effort into doing whateveryou want to do. When you learn how toprioritize and take advantage of your time,you can take full advantage of any part ofyour week. Live everyday, every day. Don’t wait forFriday, or summer break, or Thanksgivingweekend, or the promotion, or paid time off,or your lunch break. Bathe in the littleopportunities each day brings you, whetherthat’s from sitting in your cubicle, pedalingon your bike in spin class, during aconference call in your home office, on theway to dropping your kids off at school, orin the freshman lecture hall. Notice the new opportunities handed to youevery day and check off your bucket listitems during the week. When you learn howto prioritize andtake advantage ofyour time, you cantake full advantageof any part of yourweek.

“Even in times of trauma,we try to maintain a senseof normality until we nolonger can. That, myfriends, is called surviving.Not healing. We neverbecome whole again ... weare survivors. If you arehere today... you are asurvivor. But those of uswho have made it thru helland are still standing? Webare a different name:warriors.”― Lori Goodwin

HOW THESPIRITS OFPLANTSBROUGHTME BACKINTOWHOLENESS B Y : M A R C I M O B E R G ,I N T U I T I V E S O U L G U I D E lant and fungi spirits helped me heal my sexualtrauma, serving as teachers and elders during mymost vulnerable and raw moments. They aresupporters to lean on as I reevaluated myrelationship with myself and others in my life. The journey began shortly after I attended aretreat led by an herbalist where we exploredplant spirit practices. During the retreat Iconnected to the consciousness of plants andreceived moving messages much like my priorwork with spirit guides.Before leaving the retreat, a new friend gifted mea yarrow flower essence. I immediately decidedto start working with the plant spirit of yarrow,feeling excited to start implementing what Ilearned. As it turns out, the timing was perfect. Yarrowhas an affinity for supporting peopleto heal boundaries and to cultivate healthyboundaries. While I didn’t know any of this at thetime, I connected these dots later. .To begin, I simply left myself open to learn fromthe plant spirit, trusting that yarrow came intomy life for a reason. Each day I took drops fromthe yarrow flower essence. Soon after I startedthis practice, I received a dream. In the dream, theplant spirit of yarrow taught me about theirmedicine. When I woke up, I realized Yarrow is apowerful remedy for healing physical andenergetic wounds, both of which were a part ofmy own past sexual trauma. This insight took my relationship with Yarrowdeeper, infusing my flower essence practice withthe intention to heal and cultivate healthyboundaries. In the years that followed, yarrow puta spotlight on all the areas in my life where Istruggled with boundaries. These patternsPAuthentic Insider | Page 24

Over time as I workedwith the plant spirit ofviolet, I gained thecourage to allow my griefto arise and my tears tofall. the surface, sparking insights both inside andoutside of my sessions with my therapist andgiving me the courage and wisdom to slowlyrepair and tend my energetic boundaries. My work with yarrow taught me how to accessmy “no” and my “yes,” aligning my requests withmy needs, slowly releasing my pattern tooverride myself and people please. As myboundaries in relationships realigned, I felt morenourished. I also noticed a shift in my energeticboundaries; feeling less drained and morefortified. The ability to clearly distinguishbetween my own energy and feelings fromanother’s was a gift to a highly empatheticperson.As Yarrow continued to teach me aboutboundaries, the plant spirit violet entered my lifeat the peak of my trauma healing. It came tocrack me open to the grief hidden deep in mytissues that was ready for me to feel. Violet helped me discover how my grief wastightly tied to my truth and my voice, oftengetting stuck in my throat. Whenever I gottriggered by a situation where I felt helpless, mythroat would tighten and close, making itdifficult for me to speak my truth or access myvoice. Violet taught me about the connectionbetween my grief and my fear of using my voice.Over time as I worked with the plant spirit ofviolet, I gained the courage to allow my grief toarise and my tears to fall. Whenever I noticedgrief bubbling up through my throat, I called onits support. Anytime I sensed grief was presentand I was unable to move, I’d take a few drops ofthe flower essence onto my tongue. To myamazement, every time the knot in my throatwould soften and the tears that were stuckwould fall. With time, the feelings of grief wouldflow more and more naturally. As I learned how to access this flow of grief,Violet then taught me how to express the truthshidden underneath, giving me the courage to tellfamily members for the first time about whathappened to me. I was able to share how mychildhood sexual abuse continued to impact meinto adulthood and about the daily struggles Ifaced to heal complex PTSD as a result. Beforeeach difficult conversation, I called on supportfrom Violet, leading me to feel fortified withAuthentic Insider | Page 25

gentle, loving courage, and the ability to speakmy hidden truth. Healing my boundaries with Yarrow opened meup to the vulnerable feelings underneath. Violetgave me the soft courage to lovingly hold spacefor, embody, and release those feelings,especially the unfelt grief over what happenedand the innocence I lost early on. Eventually, I found myself at the end of myintense trauma process, not reaching the falseidea that I'm fully healed. But rather recognizingthat I had weathered the tough storm, inherent inthe rawness of remembering, feeling, andnaming what happened. It gave me the courageto finally speak my truth rather than keep silentin service of false belonging. I knew that my nexttask was to reclaim my healthy sensuality, thepart of me that has the capacity to experiencethe joy of pleasure from being in my body. My body no longer felt like a scary jail, but rathera blessed temple. This is when the sacredpoisonous plant spirit belladonna came into mylife and beckoned me to explore some importantwork together. I met belladonna in meditationduring my study of poisonous plants. In my firstmeeting I immediately felt like we would bebeautiful friends. I followed a similar protocol tohow I worked with Yarrow, violet, and others,deciding to open myself to her teachings andwisdom. As I worked with belladonna’s flower essence Ireceived important dreams. These dreams gaveme insights into my shut down sensuality andhow to reopen to that aspect of myself.Healing my boundaries withYarrow opened me up to thevulnerable feelingsunderneath. Violet gave methe soft courage to lovinglyhold space for, embody, andrelease those feelings,Belladonna showed me embodied practices inmy dreams. For example, dancing in front of themirror naked and reveling in my curves, orlovingly adorning myself with herbal oils andclothing that made me feel like a goddess. Itrevealed the power of leaning into my desire tobe intimate with my partner when I felt it. Slowly Authentic Insider | Page 26For more on MarciMoberg, visit her websiteor check out her podcast,Tune in With Marci

Plant spirits broughtme back to myself,weaving me intowholeness afterfeeling shatteredfrom childhood andadult sexualtrauma.belladonna helped me develop a healthierrelationship with my body, releasing me from thedecades of shame from my sexual trauma thatshut down healthy desire, and opening me togreater creativity. My relationships with plant spirits show me theirgenerosity, the wisdom, and sacredness of theconsciousness of plants, as well as theirwillingness to guide us on our path if we are opento them. I believe partnering with plant spiritsawaken us to our deepest selves and invite us tobe better kin in the collective family living onEarth. In Braiding Sweetgrass, author Robin WallKimmerer says “In some Native languages theterm for plants translates to “those who take careof us.” This quote sums up the loving essence ofplant consciousness and our inherentrelationship with the green world many of ushave lost. Plant spirits brought me back to myself, weavingme into wholeness after feeling shattered fromchildhood and adult sexual trauma. These elderconsciousnesses remind me on a daily basis ofwho I truly am and where I belong, and how toembody this alignment. If you're curious to learnmore about partnering with plant spirits, checkout my Patreon at patreon.com/marcimoberg. Iteach monthly classes, plant spirit practices andteachings. Next month in Authentic Insider I’ll open upabout my relationship with psilocybin. Apsychoactive fungi spirit that taught me aboutmy sacred role I’m here to embody and the powerand importance of psychedelic integration. Authentic Insider | Page 27

Check outAndrea Mack'sEpisode of ATrauma SurvivorThriver'sPodcast bysimply clicking on the episodecover Virtual, Group, Individual &In-person availableContact Andrea Mack

“There is no timestamp ontrauma. There isn’t a formulathat you can insert yourselfinto to get from horror tohealed. Be patient. Take up space.Let your journey be the balm.” – Dawn Serra

Written By David Crow,Author of Pale-Faced Lie ost people who suffer from trauma,particularly if it began at an early age, thinkthey can’t overcome it. If childhood is a cityyou can never leave, trauma is baked into thestreet. As I recount in my memoir, The Pale-FacedLie, my childhood was full of cruelty, abuse,and neglect. I was stuck in that trauma for along time, but I eventually freed myself.Readers frequently reach out to me to sharetheir own traumatic stories and are amazedthat I found a way to cope.Other readers are angry, as in “How dare youempower the one who caused the trauma.”Others think it’s impossible to get past thetrauma without a satisfying apology. Stillothers imagine they deserve to suffer. My journey to recovery took decades. Forevery step forward, there were at least twosteps backward. I often got so discouragedthat I’d temporarily give up. It’s especiallyhard for trauma victims to perseverebecause many also suffer from depression,anxiety, attention deficit disorder, addiction,or low self-esteem.Abuse, neglect, and other forms ofchildhood trauma are often handed downfrom one generation to the next,compounding the problem and creating avicious cycle. I receive letters from prisoninmates who grew up as I did and repeatedwhat they saw. Perhaps the saddest letterscome from older people who are lonely and MAuthentic Insider | Page 31

think they always will be. They, too, were hurtearly in life—physically abused or told theywere undesirable by virtue of their looks, theirintelligence, or other attributes. They grew tobelieve these horrid critiques and to believethey were unlovable. These letters break my heart because thepower of parents to shape their children’s self-image reaches far beyond what most of uscan imagine. The damage is so great, the scarsso deep, that healing takes a monumentalamount of work and understanding. I had many of these feelings too, and knowhow difficult they are to change. I read everyself-help book imaginable. Unfortunately, theydidn’t work for me—they didn’t resonate orreach the part of my subconscious thatdesperately needed to understand. Writingletters to my younger self, telling me that Ideserved love, also didn’t work. Nor didnumerous other exercises. Some of thesestrategies help other people, but they justdidn’t do it for me.I tried therapy on more than one occasion.Every bit of progress was painfully slow andrarely made a difference. This isn’t to say thattherapy is ineffective—I’m sure it has helpedmillions. I just wasn’t one of them.Written By David Crow,Author of Pale-Faced LieIf I had to name one thing that got methrough, it was tenacity. I never gave up, so Iwas able to eventually find my path torecovery. I was always looking for new waysto view life. I was always listening to otherstell their stories. I picked up several heroesalong the way—people who overcame If I had to name one thingthat got me through, it wastenacity. I never gave up, soI was able to eventuallyfind my path to recovery.Authentic Insider | Page 32

obstacles far worse than mine. I’m so proud toknow them and draw inspiration from theirlives, but their experiences still didn’t changehow I saw myself.It wasn’t until my early fifties that I had abreakthrough. And it came by accident. When Iwas a kid, we lived at 306 South Cliff Drive inGallup, New Mexico. Horrific things happenedin that house, including my sister attemptingsuicide and my father abandoning my mentallyill mother. Years later, I would go there and sitin my car or walk the nearby streets. What wenton in that house made me hate myself, nottrust adults, and believe I didn’t deserve to behappy.One day, the owner invited me inside. I begantelling this kind stranger all the terrible eventsthat had happened there. He listened to me,fed me, and, eight hours later, told me, “Youcan’t change your childhood, but you can let itgo.” For the first time, I felt hopeful. I hadshared parts of my story before, but talkingabout the horror where it had taken place waswhat enabled me to break the grip.In the morning, I called my mother. Did sheregret asking me to leave my siblings behindto come live with her and be the man of thehouse at ten years old? Did she think it wasokay that I would deliver papers and cut lawnswhile she applied for welfare? Her answer: youabandoned me, you should feel bad, you neverdid what an oldest son should do.I didn’t get angry or feel that I deserved thisabuse. Instead, I felt free. The only way toplease her was to become a man at ten anddevote every minute to her. How had I let thisabsurdity shape my self-image and make mehate myself for not taking care of her and fornot fighting my powerful, violent father?Then I called my father and asked if heregretted how he had treated his family. Incold, harsh words, he said that I was a coward,a hopeless whiner, and would never amountto anything. He slammed the phone downwith several cuss words, telling me not torevise history to make myself feel better.At that moment, I was free of him too. Hisconditions for me being a good son weresimple: be a psychopath like him, without aconscience or a heart or a soul. Anything lesswas failure in his eyes.In cold, harsh words, hesaid that I was a coward, ahopeless whiner, and wouldnever amount to anything. David's Dad Thurston Crow'srelease from San Quentin Authentic Insider | Page 33

Reliving the traumatic events and hearing myparents’ reactions finally set me on a path offorgiveness. I forgave them because they couldbe no different. They would never give me thelove and approval I had yearned for. They werebadly damaged and lacked the strength tobreak the pattern. Their lives were sad and theyfelt powerless to change, or didn’t think theyneeded to.The key for me was that I never stopped trying,and that led to the encounter with the strangerwho moved into 306 South Cliff Drive. I ameternally grateful for his guidance to myrecovery.Forgiveness is the wisdom of love. I forgave them because theycould be no different. Theywould never give me the loveand approval I had yearnedfor. They were badlydamaged and lacked thestrength to break thepattern.DAVID CROW spent his early years on the NavajoIndian Reservation in Arizona and New Mexico.Through grit, resilience, and a thirst for learning, hemanaged to escape his abusive childhood, graduatefrom college, and build a successful lobbying firm inWashington, DC. David's memoir Pale-Faced Lie details the story of hisfather whom he and his three siblings idolized.Thurston Crow, a self-taught Cherokee, loved to tell hischildren about his World War II feats. David discoveredthe other side of Thurston Crow, the ex-con with hisown code of ethics that justified cruelty, violence, lies—even murder. Intimidating David with beatings,Thurston coerced his son into doing his criminalbidding. About David CrowAuthentic Insider | Page 34Follow David on Social Media

“Some people’s lives seem to flow in a“Some people’s lives seem to flow in anarrative; mine had many stops andnarrative; mine had many stops andstarts. That’s what trauma does. Itstarts. That’s what trauma does. Itinterrupts the plot. You can’t process itinterrupts the plot. You can’t process itbecause it doesn’t fit with what camebecause it doesn’t fit with what camebefore or what comes afterwards.” –before or what comes afterwards.” –Jessica SternJessica Stern

A P R I L 2 3 , 2 0 2 2A P R I L 2 3 , 2 0 2 2A N N U A L T E L L R O B E R TA N N U A L T E L L R O B E R T5 K W A L K / R U N5 K W A L K / R U N 8,000Eight thousand dollars and xx/100 ————— TellRobertFoundation DOUGLAS GARDENS COMMUNITYMENTAL HEALTH CENTERApril 23. 20225k FundsPANELPANELPANELDISCUSSIONDISCUSSIONDISCUSSIONUPCOMINGAUGUST 6, 2022MOTHERHOOD &MOTHERHOOD &MOTHERHOOD &MENTAL HEALTHMENTAL HEALTHMENTAL HEALTHAT TREE OF LIFEPARENTING CENTERBACK TOBACK TOBACK TOSCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL EVENTEVENTEVENTTHIS SUMMERThe TellRobert Foundation’s goalis to bring awareness to theprevalence of mental healthdisease and drug abuse in ourcommunity, especially amongyoung adults.www.tellrobertfoundation.comDETAILS COMING SOONfollow our Instagram @TELLROBERTFOUNDATIONFOR MORE INFO

HAS YOURTRAUMABECOME AHABIT? he morning of June 5, 2017 startedout like most other mornings. I was upridiculously early and Matt was ofcourse trying to get fifteen moreminutes of sleep. He approachedmornings like a teenage boy who hadbeen up all night playing video games.Racing to the coffee pot and getting tothe back deck was my morning goal.Swearing I would never get involvedwith a late sleeper had gone out thewindow when I fell in love with Matt.Learning how to film my yoga videoshad become my nemesis. A localhealth food store had a space where Itaught yoga classes and occasionallytried to film yoga practices to packageand sell as part of the spiritualteachings I was creating. I texted Mattright after lunch and again a fewminutes later. He didn’t text me back.This was unsettling for severalreasons. First, he always texted meback immediately. Second, he wasgoing through some stuff in hisprofessional life that was causing usboth to be on edge.I finished filming and headed home.The house was unusually quiet. Mattwas a metal head and you couldalways hear what I considered to bethe worst screeching ever, coming fromthe basement. Assuming he would bedown there gathering the comic bookshe’d sold that morning on ebay, Iheaded toward the stairs. On the waydown there, I found the stacks ofpapers on the bar, an odd site becauseI knew perfectly well that I’d cleaned itoff that morning. I was going to give mylover a flirty piece of my mind. Let’s justsay Matt was not a neat nut.TTrigger warning: this article is about losing someone to suicideand healing after. If that is new to you, all my love andempathy, but just so you know, this is an in-depth account.Authentic Insider | Page 37

As I got closer to the bar I looked closerat the stacks of papers. My eyes wouldnot register what I was seeing. Readingthe heading, Last Will & Testament madeeverything go immediately into somesort of slow-motion nightmare. Mywhole body knew that he had finallydone what had been swirling around inhis thoughts since he was a teenager.Matt had died by suicide.The days and weeks that followed wereunfathomable. His family turned againstme and some of my closest friendsseemed distant and were not at allsupportive. I am eleven years sober in atwelve-step program for alcoholism. Itwas my recovery community that ralliedaround me. Suicide brings intensefeelings of powerlessness. Sitting herewriting this article I have nothing butcompassion for everyone involved, eventhose who were cruel to me. Keepreading and I’ll tell you how I’ve healedand turned this into the biggest lessonof my life.Within two months, I knew that if I wasgoing to keep getting into relationshipsthat were destined to end poorly, I wasputting my life and my recovery injeopardy. I made it my business to learneverything I could about healthyrelationships. Understanding mychildhood conditioning surroundingrelationships was the key. Everyone inmy family divorced. This included myparents, aunts and uncles, and I made it my business to learn everythingI could about healthy relationships.Understanding my childhood conditioningsurrounding relationships was the key.Authentic Insider | Page 38

cousins. Most of the men I grew up aroundcheated on their wives. I was indoctrinatedinto adoring and even condoning toxicmasculine behavior. My mother and hersisters revered the men in my family.Adultery was normalized. They called themrounders, because they got around. Insteadof holding firm boundaries, I learned todismiss things with a cute colloquial term. Itmade the unacceptable more acceptable.I started noticing that I was being driven bysomething that I couldn’t access. Mysubconscious mind was completely incharge. It’s not just that way for me. It’s thatway for everyone who has a human brain.I’ve met some folks that are questionablebut I am fairly certain, that includes everyhuman walking the planet. Being a closetgeek, I began to study. It didn’t matter thatI’d been sober for over a decade, I was stillwalking around in a stupor. My behaviors and thoughts were not myown. They had nothing to do with who I wasat the deepest level. I was under theimpression that our thoughts create ourreality, and to some extent that is the case.But if I were to be concise, it’s oursubconscious beliefs and values that arecreating the life that we are living. I hadbeen driven by the subconscious beliefsystem that all relationships fail and all mencheat. Holy cuss words y’all. Once I had thisinformation, I was no longer baffled by my If I were to be concise, it’sour subconscious beliefsand values that are creatingthe life that we are living.life. It had gone according to plan. You marrypoorly and you drink to drown your sorrows.Then you shake it off and you start the cycleover again until you die an untimely death.Mastering my subconscious beliefs was mynew obsession. I was going to get this right ifit was the last thing I did and not only that, Iwas going to teach others how to do it aswell. I am not a neuroscientist and have no formal education but now, I understand howmy brain works. Life is no longer happening tome, it’s happening through me. I would loveto tell you that I had some big epiphany and Iwent to the mountain top, but I didn’t. I brokeold habits that didn’t serve me and creatednew habits that did. This was another rockbottom. Each time I have set out on a journeyfor radical change, I had to be in a sufficientamount of pain to make the change look moreenticing than the comfort of staying the same.At forty-nine years old, the real Suzie Wheelerwas finally in charge of her own life.Authentic Insider | Page 39

“In the culture peopletalk about trauma asan event thathappened a long timeago. But what traumais, is the imprints thatevent has left onyour mind and in yoursensations… thediscomfort you feeland the agitation youfeel and the rage andthe helplessness youfeel right now.” ― Bessel A. van derKolk

I started this life neglected by my birthmother. Given over to my grandmother,who was given four children to be raisedby the court. My grandmother also neededsome kind of outlet for her anger to dealwith, perhaps from the responsibilities leftto her. I became her victim for the next 8months, malnourished, tied up when theother children weren’t around, beaten andeventually taken out of that home becauseshe decided sitting me on a hot stove eyewould teach me a lesson of some sort.After all, she thought I was incorrigible. A neighbor heard my screams and calledthe police and they immediately took meout of that home. I spent my third birthdayin the hospital and then taken to anorphanage where my adoptive parentswould find me and take me home to a lifeof servitude. It started out with threats ofbeing taken back to the orphanage if Ididn’t do what I was told. I was thenthreatened with guns, knives, beaten witha 2x4 board with a handle carved in it, andraped repeatedly between the ages ofeleven to fifteen. As if this wasn’tinvalidating enough, what I discovered tobe the worst part of growing up were thewords that were used as weapons againstme and the words that I never heard thatevery child should hear. Yet oftentimes thesilence was the worst. By Lu Bryant I N V A L I D A T I O NI N V A L I D A T I O NI N V A L I D A T I O NI N V A L I D A T I O NI N V A L I D A T I O NI N V A L I D A T I O NIAuthentic Insider | Page 41I N V A L I D A T I O N

Silence can be deafening when yourpresence isn’t even acknowledgedfor days at a time or you knowsomething bad is about to happenbecause your parents are quiet.Then there was learning to bury myfeelings for fear of further reprisals.Anger wasn’t allowed, if I laughed Iwas told, “you laugh too loud,” if Icried after being beaten or hit I wastold, “ stop it now or I’ll really giveyou something to cry about.” Iwouldn’t learn how to self-regulatemy emotions until decades later butfirst I had to learn that it was okayto have them. When a child or adultisn’t allowed to work through theemotions that are attached to thememories stored inside theirbodies, it does lead to physical andmental illness. We are energeticbodies. Science has proven that.Throw in media influence that saidyou had to have this to be that and areligious dogma that said I wasn’teven worthy of God and that youhave the makings of a potentialsociopath. At the very least, I wastold I had borderline personalitydisorder, possibly manic depressive,or what is now known as ComplexPTSD. There were times when Ithought I might be schizophrenicbecause even after I left home, Iwould still hear their and clear,chastising me, telling me I’m wrong,not good enough, or a failure.It would take decades to unravel allthe damage that was done with thatprogramming, but before that, itwould all have a devastating effecton my adult life. I’d marry a manwho was mentally and emotionallyabusive, resulting in the loss of myfirst child, then beating my ownchild, suicide attempts, and alcoholabuse. I would experience triggersthat made me want to physically Silence can bedeafening whenyou’re presenceisn’t evenacknowledgedfor days at atime... Authentic Insider | Page 42

The environmentinside our minds isessential. What we sayand don’t say and whatwe do and don’t do, allbegin with what wethink about ourselves.hurt others. It was one failed relationship after another,unable to succeed at any of my dreams and yet hauntedby the feeling that I was capable of so much more.As humans we become what we are told. That becomesall we think and believe ourselves to be. Sadly, evenwhen confronted with proof that we are so much morethan what our initial caregivers led us to believe, we willstill cling to that thinking because of that unconsciousprogramming that resides inside our limbic brain. This isthe first part of the brain that starts developing in thewomb and the part that unconsciously runs our livesand keeps us from fulfilling our dreams affects ouroverall health and leads to little to no self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-trust, and worst of all self-invalidation. For me it felt like my thinking and feeling were coveredin a very heavy, sticky blanket of shame, guilt, apathy,and fear to name a few of the negative thinking loopsthat generated my knee-jerk emotions I stayed trappedin, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy.Over the course of my lifetime, I have seen massivestrides in the area of mental health. Now there aretherapies, treatments, and useful tools that can helpsomeone overcome their childhood traumas, abusesand invalidations, no matter how old they are, if theywill do the work.However, more needs to be done, not only for theabused, but for the abusers. No one is born an abuser.No one is born an addict. No one is born a criminal. I’venever heard of any young child saying, oh I want to hurtother people.I firmly believe that programs need to be introduced toour school systems that can teach our children aboutself-esteem and another one set up for parents as well.Based on my research and personal experience, that isthe core issue behind all the shootings, addictions,domestic violence and traumatic events happening inour world today. I could have just as easily ended up ina psyche ward or prison cell.The environment inside our minds is essential. What wesay and don’t say and what we do and don’t do, allbegin with what we think about ourselves. This nextstep is seeking help sorting through all that hashappened in your life. Do you have the courage todayto change yours for your benefit, for your child'sbenefit and the future of our world? Authentic Insider | Page 43

“The bodyremembers.Stuffed untilan event, asound, a sight,a touch, aword, or apersonawakens them”– Unknown

How I’m Advocating forHow I’m Advocating formy Son through a Newmy Son through a NewChildren’s BookChildren’s Book hen I thought about my son startingkindergarten, images of crayons,giggling children, and toys filled my mind.Like any mom sending her child to schoolfor the first time, I was a little anxiousabout the major change my child wasgoing to go through, especially my sonwho had some extreme separationanxiety. But I was confident he was goingto be in good hands and that this wasgoing to be the exciting start of hisschool career. I couldn’t have beenmore wrong.Day one of kindergarten was full of tears.Big fat ugly ones for my son who refusedto walk through the doors and hiddenquiet ones when I got home, not wantingmy son to see the pain I was feeling forhim. Everyone told me it would get easierfor him as the weeks went on, but thatdidn’t happen; he was actually gettingworse. Anxiety, new signs of OCD,attention issues, and the hardest,unexplained movements and sounds.Like any concerned parents, my husbandand I started down the road of doctors’appointments and therapy for Levi to seewhat we could do to help him. As a family,we worked towards helping Levi but itdidn’t seem that we were getting thesame from his school. Instead, they weregetting increasingly annoyed with hisbehaviors and didn’t want to believe thatwe were trying to help him. Finally, in June2018, we had a diagnosis; TouretteWWritten by Anne BaldwinAuthentic Insider | Page 45

Syndrome with ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, and Insomnia. Wehad answers and we had a way to make a path forward.Unfortunately, his school still didn’t want to believe us –they instead told me that I had a “bad kid” and I didn’tknow how to parent him. It was in that exact moment Iknew that I had to do something. I did not want anyother family like ours to feel unheard or invisible.Fast forward two years, we had moved from New Jerseyleaving the “bad school” (as my son calls it) and hadsettled in my hometown in Michigan. I had been doingadvocacy work through national organizations andvolunteering locally. My goal was to help end the stigmaaround Tourette Syndrome and to help educate ourcommunities on what children with this syndrome face.But I knew that I wanted to do more. I had always toyedwith the idea of sharing our story through writing, butwas held back due to my insecurity. I’m not a writer. Ididn’t know where to start and I was afraid that peoplewould find it silly. But then Covid hit, the world shut down,and I knew that there was no better time to write thisstory.Taking Levi’s experiences as well as my feelings towardshis struggles and strengths, I created the children’spicture book, What Makes Me…Me. Since our kids wereyoung, we've celebrated their differences as whatmakes them special and how our differences are in factour superpowers. I wanted to share this message notonly with other kids like my son, but kids who may havenever met someone with Tourette Syndrome. This bookworks as a stepping stone for kids to learn about thebasics of Tourette and open a larger conversation withthe adults in their life. I don’t just want kids tounderstand what neurological differences are, I want toteach them compassion towards others who may notlook, or act like them.I did not want anyother family likeours to feel unheardor invisible.HolidayAuthentic Insider | Page 46

The world shutting down during Covid didn’tjust push my advocacy forward with thepublishing of my book, but it also set me on anew adventure into the world of Mrs.pageantry. On a whim, I decided to enter theMrs. Michigan America pageant, the oldestMrs. pageant in America. At first most of myfriends and family didn’t understand why Isigned up, but when I explained why, they gotit. Entering a pageant gave me a platform tostand on and to share the story of my family.In September 2021, I was crowned Mrs.Michigan American. When the crown wasplaced on my head, I knew I had a hugeopportunity and responsibility to help end thestigma around Tourette Syndrome in youth.Through the use of What Makes Me…Me, I didjust that. I spent the next year of my reignsharing my story and the story of my son.Reading to classrooms, talking to educatorsand others in our communities, and donatingcopies of my book to kids across Michigan. Throughout my entire reign, What Makes Me…Me was atthe center of my advocacy. Sharing a story that helpsteach compassion to children was an important key inending the stigma around Tourette. Over the past 6months, I was able to donate over 450 copies of mybook to schools and Little Free Libraries throughout theUS mainly because of the women I met throughpageants. My goal is to help kids like my son feelunderstood and seen, one book and one state at a time.Parenting a child with extra needs and neurologicaldifferences can be overwhelming, daunting, and attimes scary. I am four years into Levi’s diagnosis, and Istill have days where I cry and wonder if I am doinganything right. I want other parents like myself to know,they aren’t alone. This is hard and that’s ok. My biggestpiece of advice is to find a Facebook group or localparents who are going through something similar;having that support system around you of people who‘’get it’’ is priceless. But above all remember- your child isunique and special, and you’ve got this!My goal is to help kidslike my son feelunderstood and seen,one book and onestate at a time.Authentic Insider | Page 47

WHAT ISWHAT ISTHE INNERTHE INNERSHADOW?SHADOW?WHAT ISWHAT ISSHADOW WORK?SHADOW WORK?Authentic Insider | Page 49The benefits of shadow work and how to use it in your journey

PatternsREMINDERS OF PAST TRAUMAMESSAGES THAT YOURSHADOW WANTS TO BE SEEN.WHAT PATTERNS DO YOUTEND TO REPLICATEREPEATEDLY IN YOUR LIFE? PRACTICE THE MIRRORTECHNIQUE: PAY ATTENTION TO HOW YOUFEEL WHILE INTERACTINGWITH OTHERS. WHENNEGATIVE FEELINGS COME UPASK YOURSELF IF YOU MAY BEPROJECTINGFINDING YOUR SHADOWFINDING YOUR SHADOWTriggersNegativeself-talkProjectingChildhoodEXPLORE WHAT PARTS OF YOU MAY HAVEBEEN TREATED AS BAD OR LESSER WHENYOU WERE A CHILD. WHICH EMOTIONS WERE YOU PUNISHEDFOR HAVING? MANY CHILDREN GET TOLD TO “GET OVER”THEIR ANGER OR SADNESS. AS A RESULT,THOSE EMOTIONS GET REPRESSED. WEGROW UP BELIEVING THEY’RE BAD ANDTHAT WE’RE BAD FOR HAVING THEM. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TOYOURSELF? DO YOU SHAMEYOURSELF FOR CERTAINBEHAVIORS OR THOUGHTS?Authentic Insider | Page 50The benefits of shadow work and how to use it in your journey

HOW TO STARTHOW TO START SHADOW WORKSHADOW WORKDecide if you will seektherapy or go it alone.BENEFITS OF A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL:CAN SPOT PATTERNS YOU MAY MISS GIVE YOU TOOLS TO DEAL WITH TRIGGERSPERSONALIZED PROMPTS TO GUIDE YOUPractice spotting yourinner shadow (seeprevious page). Reflect on your childhood(see previous page).I TRUST IN YOUI BELIEVE IN YOUI’M GLAD THAT YOU’RE IN MY LIFEYOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVEYOU ARE ENOUGHYOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPYYOU HAVE A LOT TO OFFERSOME PEOPLE MIGHT SAY THAT YOURSHADOW LONGS FOR ACCEPTANCE. BUTREALLY, YOUR SHADOW IS YOU AND WEALL LONG TO FEEL WHOLE SO IT IS MORETHAT WE LONG TO FEEL INTEGRATED,WHOLE, AND COMPLETE IN OUR LIVES.EMBRACE YOUR SHADOW AND HAVE SOMECOMPASSION FOR YOURSELF. REMEMBERTHAT IT’S TOUGH NOT TO FEEL ACCEPTED,INCLUDING (OR ESPECIALLY) BY YOURSELF.PRACTICE LOVING WORDS OF AFFIRMATIONTOWARD YOURSELF (INCLUDING YOURSHADOW). SOME EXAMPLES INCLUDE:Avoid shaming (or being ashamed of)your shadowMeditateJournalExpressthrough ArtStart an innerdialogue Authentic Insider | Page 51The benefits of shadow work and how to use it in your journey

Step 1: Identify your Shadows/Lightness see belowStep 2: Draw the eyes and outline draw the eye shapes and overall outline of themask on the outer (paper side)this is where you will eventually cut out the maskand eye openings Step 3: Outline the features/designs in sharpiethat you don’t want to lose This is your light side so bring about the things thatbring you joy!Step 4: Fill with coloruse watercolors or markers or colored pencil orcrayon or acrylic paint, anything you want!LET DRYStep 5: Cut eye shapes and overall mask shapeStep 6: Flip the mask over and paint your shadowsideUse black acrylic to paint facial features that showyour emotions (eyebrows, forehead) Take a deep breath and reassess how you feel. Alittle better? A lot? Not at all?Supplies:Paper plate PencilWatercolor MarkersPermanent Markers(Sharpies)acrylic paint in black brushesHealing throughthe ArtsAuthentic Insider | Page 52by: Cali Binstockshadow work art maskSHADOW/LIGHT MASK

SHADOWSSHADOWSLovableCapablestable/calmeasy goingpeace makerAbandonment RejectionImposterEmotional/AngryTimidAuthentic Insider | Page 53

Healing throughthe ArtsAuthentic Insider | Page 54❤ , CaliJoin me to make art to express and release,accept and embrace.

Trauma is complex, and so is its aftermath.And while music cannot “cure” post-traumatic stress disorder, music therapyhas shown positive results in helping relievePTSD symptoms. For some, a song — or loudsounds at all — can be triggering, but formany, empowering and relatable lyrics orcalming (or even heart-pumping) melodies helpget them through hard periods with PTSD. Authentic Insider | Page 48 “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield“Let It Be” by The Beatles“Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen"Rainbow" by Kasey Musgraves“Elastic Heart” by Sia"unstoppable” by Sia"I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor“Lose Yourself” by Eminem“Hold On” — Wilson Phillips“White Blank Page” by Mumford &Sons“Jumper” by Third Eye Blind“Goddess” by Banks“You’ll Be Okay” by A Great BigWorld

Mental health affects everyone. Here are just a few books to help kids understandemotional and learning challenges.Meet Anabel. She has an invisible disorder and islearning how to be herself. She explains how shestays brave and has a loving and caring supportsystem. She hopes that other children with invisibledisorders follow her lead and learn they are specialtoo!What Makes Me.... Me is a story about harnessing yoursuper-powered brain. We are all special and unique andour differences are what make us all special. Especiallywritten for those kids with neurological differences.This book was inspired by the Author Anne Baldwin's sonwho lives with Tourette's Syndrome.. Anne is a fierceadvocate for neurodiverse kids and is passionate aboutstopping the stigma around Tourette Syndrome.*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.Authentic Insider | Page 56Sherman Smith saw the most terrible thing happen.At first he tried to forget about it, but somethinginside him started to bother him. He felt nervousand had bad dreams. Then he met someone whohelped him talk about the terrible thing, and madehim feel better.

Mental Health, Memoir & EmotionalSupport Books(Adult)A violent ex-con forces his son to commit crimes in this unforgettable memoir aboutfamily and survival.Growing up on the Navajo Indian Reservation, David Crow and his three siblings idolizedtheir dad, a self-taught Cherokee who loved to tell his children about his World War IIfeats. But as time passed, David discovered the other side of Thurston Crow, the ex-conwith his own code of ethics that justified cruelty, violence, lies—even murder.Intimidating David with beatings, Thurston coerced his son into doing his criminalbidding. David’s mom, too mentally ill to care for her children, couldn’t protect him.Exploring the latest developments in the flourishing field of modern psychedelic psycho-therapy, this book shares practical experiences and insights from both elders and newerresearch voices in the psychedelic research and clinical communities.• Examines the therapeutic potential of expanded states, underground psychedelicpsychotherapy, harm reduction, new approaches for healing individual and collectivetrauma, and training considerations• Addresses challenging psychedelic experiences, spiritual emergencies, and the centralimportance of the therapeutic relationship• Details the use of cannabis as a psychedelic tool, spiritual exploration with LSD, micro-dosing with Iboga, and MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for PTSDDrawing on her life as an indigenous scientist, and as a woman, Robin Wall Kimmerer showshow other living beings―asters and goldenrod, strawberries and squash, salamanders, algae,and sweetgrass―offer us gifts and lessons, even if we've forgotten how to hear their voices.In reflections that range from the creation of Turtle Island to the forces that threaten itsflourishing today, she circles toward a central argument: that the awakening of ecologicalconsciousness requires the acknowledgment and celebration of our reciprocal relationshipwith the rest of the living world.*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.Authentic Insider | Page 57

For the month of June, I am picking up on messages of transformation and awakening in your life. There may beunhealed wounds blocking the forward movement in your life. A person you were dealing with was here to teachyou a spiritual lesson. Boundaries may need to be set with family or friends, or even just people from the past.Right now, I see it as a good time to take a rest, relax and rejuvenate. Spend time in nature when possible.Confidence is the key to your success. Remember to hold your vision. Release any negativity that may be aroundyou, or your partner. A Scorpio, or water signs could be going through some obstacles in their life right now. If you are a Pisces, there isa need for you to spend time alone, in order to recharge from the world. Many of us are empaths and your energyis easily drained. We have to be careful to protect ourselves. Now is a good time to tell the universe what you want.It is likely you will manifest these things into existence.The collective will greatly benefit from having balanced lives. Take meaningful action and be open to receivingblessings from the universe. However, some of you are feeling guilty right now. That message only applies to a few. Abundance is in the forecast for those who have been manifesting that in their life. It's coming and will be in divinetiming. Continue to keep trusting. This abundance will be in all areas in your life. Love, work, and money. Continue tohold your vision. Many of you are working a lot right now and experiencing burnout. Be sure to take breaks whenneeded.For those who are currently dealing with mental health issues, there has been a lot of mental conflict going on inyour life. I do see you overcoming that, but the universe has a few more lessons that it’s trying to teach you. Fewpeople could have been feeling trapped in fear about the past or even the future. But I can say that everything willbe okay. If anything, please pray to god/angels or the universe. They want to help youIn regards to work and finances, the angels of abundance are saying that some of you will be making a livingdoing what you love. However, be advised to keep your job until your dream job can fully support you, etc. As Imentioned before, there will be a windfall of abundance coming in to support your life’s purpose. Have faith andbelieve. Take time to declutter your space and your schedule.In conclusion, the cards are saying to be at home when you can and relax when needed. Set healthy boundarieswith others. Trust the great mystery and be loyal to what you love. Now is a lucky time. Until next time.Monthly Collective Readings for All Signswith Joy Larkin (June 1, 2022 - June 30, 2022) Joy is a Narcissistic AbuseSurvivor who has made it her life'swork to help others through lifecoaching. She is also a healer,earth angel and psychic medium.If you would like coaching servicesfrom Joy and/or get your ownpersonal reading, please scan thebarcode below with yoursmartphone camera.READINGSPersonalINFOCoachingAuthentic Insider | Page 58