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Authentic Insider Magazine August 2022 Issue

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InsiderPARENTAL ALIENATIONWhat is Parental Alienation? How onewoman found healing after the emotionalloss of her children. GUN SAFETY FACT& FICTION In our Prosecutor's POV, Kathryn Marsh examinesgun safety laws & seperates fact from fiction. BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHYIS NOT ABOUT SEXWhy do women get Boudoir photos? Onephotographer explains why and it hasnothing to do with sex.August 2022

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Always, Lorilee BinstockEditor in ChiefAuthentic Insider | Page 02Dear Readers,As we wrap up summer, many of us are getting ready toget back to regularly scheduled programming andAuthentic Insider is here for it.. In August’s Prosecutor POV, Kathryn Marsh examinesgun safety laws and discusses the facts about firearmdeaths and shootings. The July 4th shooting in Illinois leftone child orphaned. Trauma Educator Karen Grossdiscusses the trauma a child experiences after violentlylosing both parents.What is Parental Alienation and how does it affect theparent who experiences the loss of a child/children?Lorilee BinstockAuthor Dr. Marni Foderaro shares her experience inhealing after losing her children to parental alienation.Renowned Addiction Expert Rob Kelly discusses how hewas able to survive and eventually thrive after fightinghis personal battle from within.The talented Boudoir photographer, Shannon O’Harashares what it's like to watch the transformation ofwomen in their most vulnerable state, step into theirpower, AND it has NOTHING to do with sex.Can writing about your trauma give a name to themonster we imagine in our minds? Michael Barry writesabout the benefit of putting your trauma to paper.Cali Binstock provides a Healing through Art Prompt byexploring your protective parts. And as in every issue, wehave your AIM Playlist for Travel Tunes, along with mypicks for children and adult books. Plus, check out JoyLarkin's Twin Flame Readings to see what's in store foryou this month.

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Cali BinstockCreative DirectorHealing Though Art:Lynn BinstockCopy EditorKathryn MarshProsecutor POVGun SafetyJoy LarkinTwin Flame ReadingsAuthentic Insider | Page 03

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Shannon O'HaraContributorBoudoir Photography HasNothing to do with Sex Rob KellyContributorTrauma- Surviving theBattle WithinAuthentic Insider | Page 04Michael BarryContributorThe Benefit of Writing aboutTraumaDr. Marni FoderaroContributorParental AlienationKaren GrossContributorA Toddler Loses Parents

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Y O U RA U G U S TI S S U EProsecutor's POV: Kathryn Marsh07 Gun SafetyHealing Through Art: 34 Learning Your Protector Parts36 AIM Playlist37 Recommended Books39 Joy's Reading2732I N E V E R Y I S S U EI N T H I S I S S U E071422Authentic Insider | Page 05By: Marni Foderaro By: Rob Kelly 14 Healing After Parental Alienation22 Trauma: Surviving the Battle WithinBy: Karen Gross 12 A Toddler Loses His Parents & WeStand By27 Boudoir Photography is Not About SexBy: Shannon O'HaraA U G U S T 2 0 2 2By: Michael Barry 32 The Benefits of Writing About Trauma

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“We cannotsolve problemswith the kind ofthinking weemployed whenwe came upwith them.” — AlbertEinstein

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ow can we reconcile a “Right to Bear Arms” with publicsafety, and can we? It is sometimes hard to separate factsfrom political jargon and laws from public commentary. So,let's talk about the facts of firearm deaths and schoolshootings.BY KATHRYN MARSHGun SafetyP r o s e c u t o r P O VIn 2020 there were 45,222 firearm related deaths in the USA. Thisbreaks down to roughly 124 people a day dying from firearms. In fact,in 2020 firearm related injuries were in the 5 leading causes of deathof individuals between the ages of 1-44. However, it is important tokeep in mind when looking at these staggering figures that 4 out of10 are homicides and and more than half firearm related deaths aresuicides. When we break down the facts further, we learn even more aboutfirearm violence in the United States. For example, firearm homicidesare highest for individuals between the ages of 15-34. Firearm relatedsuicides are highest among adults 75 or older. Men account for 86%of all firearm deaths. HAuthentic Insider | Page 07

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“ A Q u o t eh e r e w o u l dw o r kn i c e l y ”When we consider the fact that firearmhomicide rates are highest for young menbetween the ages of 15 and 34, we can betterunderstand the background of the US schoolshooting crisis. Between 1970 and 2021 therewere 1,924 school shooting incidents. By theend of 2021 these shootings had resulted in 637individuals dying, with another 1,734 beingseriously injured and 73 additional peoplesuffering minor injuries. Tragically, we knowthat number has only increased in the year2022. When we look deeper into school shootingsthere are some other facts that we need tokeep in mind – in all of the recorded schoolshootings only 43.1% of the shooters werecurrent students. The most common age of aschool shooter is 17 years old, with the vastmajority being men. So when we debate issueslike clear backpacks and additional restrictionsput on students attending schools we need toremember that these constraints would notprevent more than 50% of all school shootings. California, Texas and Florida have the highestincidents of school shooting incidents, withvastly different gun laws. To better understandschool shootings let’s compare the gun lawsbetween California and Texas. In 2018California raised the age to purchase long gunsfrom 18 to 21. Texas still permits 18-year-olds topurchase guns. In Texas, they recently enactedthe “Second AmendmentSanctuary State” statute designed to protectTexans from federal gun regulations. Inaddition, Texas passed the constitutionalcarry statute that allows Texans to carryfirearms in public without a license. Californiarequires a license or permit to carry in public.*Assault weapons cannot legally be sold inCalifornia but can in Texas. California requiresa 10 day waiting period to acquire a gun andTexas a 3 day waiting period. Additionally,California requires universal backgroundchecks to go through a federally licensedfirearm dealer. Texas does not. One might wonder why with such vastlydifferent gun laws these two states top thenation with school shootings. Many ofCalifornia’s gun laws were enacted afterincreases in school shootings. For example, in2016 California enacted a Red Flag Law. RedFlag laws allow family members, employers,school officials or law enforcement to ask ajudge to temporarily disarm gun owners whomay be a threat to themselves or others. Astudy by the Violence Prevention ResearchProgram at the University of California-Davisreviewed 202 “Red Flag cases” since theinception of California’s red flag law. Thisstudy determined that in almost every singlecase weapons were seized by men, and inalmost 30% of the cases, weapons wereseized after threats of mass shootings,including seizing weapons from six students.Texas does not have a red flag law. As of 2020Texas’ gun death rate was 67% higher thanCalifornia’s.

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In 2019, Jillian Peterson and James Densley of theViolence Project published the results oftheir review of mass shooters dating back to1966. What they found were basic commonalitiesbetween mass shooters. “They suffered early-childhood trauma and exposure to violence at ayoung age. They were angry or despondent overa recent event, resulting in feelings of suicidality.They studied other school shootings, notablyColumbine, often online, and found inspiration,and they possessed the means to carry out anattack.” The passage of stricter gun laws dealing withuniversal background checks, raising the agefrom 18 to 21 and Red Flag Laws would certainlyhelp to reduce the means to carry out the attack,but it is clear that more must be done to addresschildhood trauma and online radicalization oradmiration of violence, especially amongst ouryoung men. The Bipartisan Safer CommunitiesAct Congress passed this year does strengthenbackground checks for gun purchasers betweenthe ages of 18 and 20, incentivizes red flag lawsand increases funding for school safety andyouth mental health programs but it is just thestart and cannot be the end of this discussion.When looking at State’s budgets formental health they range from $32.77spending per capita to $345.36 spendingper capita. Texas spends $40.46 per capitaon mental health, while California spends$160.50 per capita. But when it comes tomental health these dollar amounts maynot spell out actual access to service.Trace Terrell, a 17 year old student whostruggles with depression, and a volunteerat Youthline, testified before his SenateFinance Committee and provided thehorrifying reality that “At my school, fourout of every five referrals to externalresources are not carried out…Let that sinkin: 80% of referrals go nowhere.”Without a doubt we have a gun safetycrisis in this country, but that crisis marrieswith our ongoing mental health crisis andthe facts bear out that our young men areoften the ones left suffering because of it.We must be engaging our young people atevery age to ensure that they are in safeand healthy environments, have access toservices, and we must be willing tosacrifice a teenager in crisis right to beararms for the public safety of thecommunity. I encourage everyone to see ifyour state has a red flag law, and if not,meet with your state legislators to seewhat needs to be done in order to enactred flag laws.*The US Supreme Court recently ruled that States could not require a “reason” in order togrant a license to carry. This ruling did not change other conditions states can require beforegranting a license.Authentic Insider | Page 09

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“Learn as if you willlive forever, live like youwill die tomorrow.” — Mahatma Gandhi

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“Stay away from those people whotry to disparage your ambitions.Small minds will always do that, butgreat minds will give you a feelingthat you can become great too.” — Mark Twain

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A Toddler Loses HisParents & We Stand By whom lost their primary caregivers; we need to thinkabout war zones where children lose parents and yetcannot escape the terror of the bombs.We don’t have the mental health infrastructure to dealwith a large number of orphaned children across theglobe. We worry about global warming (for good reason).We worry about the economy (for good reason). Weworry about violence and discrimination and prejudice(for good reason).I think we need to worry too about our children — thenext generation. We can’t stand by. When the news cyclemoves on, we move on and we can’t do that. One storygets lost. And when many people are traumatized, wealso move on because it is too painful to stay focused.But, we need to be present for all our children ….. we needto pay attention to them and their needs. We need, too, tofocus on the price we pay as a society when parents ofyoung people are killed and what it means to grow upwithout parents or with dysfunctional parents.The social costs of death of parents or parents who areunable to parent ably is high. Here’s my plea: Let’s notforget the children who lose parents or havedysfunctional parents. We need to step up as a societyand act like “parent-like” figures to enable the nextgeneration to develop in ways that are healthy andproductive and filled with wellness. We owe this to thesechildren as a society that values the rights of all.Independence Day is about way more than freedom. It isabout enabling independence from tyranny. Trauma is atype of tyranny. any moons ago, I found out that one of myelementary school classmates lost both her parents in anairplane crash. Eventually, she was taken in by hermother’s brother (who was young and whom the courtrequired to be married before he adopted — don’t get mestarted). This young girl faced unimaginable challengesdespite a new home filled with love and sensitivity. I didn’tknow the word “trauma” at the time but I know, being thechild of divorced parents when I was a year old in an erawhere divorces were not common, that early separationscause profound pain in youth, even infants.The news of the Highland Park Illinois shooting remains inthe news, including the story of a two year old boy whoseparents were killed in the July 4th shootout. He survivedbecause his father was on top of him during the shootingand thereafter, the boy was left to wander the streetscovered in blood that was not his own. Eventuallyreunited with his grandparents, the words the young boyuttered haunt me. They sounded something like this:“Mommy will get the car and get me. My mommy anddaddy will be coming to get me soon.” This is a child oldenough to know separation and loss.I can’t help but focus on the pain this child will experienceforever and ever. And there are no Hallmark movieendings for real life situations like this. And, this youngsteris not alone — in Highland Park or in our larger world.Children lose parents for many reasons and sadly, thesechildren struggle to find their way forward with the traumaof separation being omnipresent.What all this says to me operates on several levels:educators need to know who their students are (not justtheir academic achievements); we need to worry aboutthe orphaned children as a result of COVID, too many of Written By Karen Gross as seen on MediumMAuthentic Insider | Page 12

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“It is only when we takechances, when our livesimprove. The initial and themost difficult risk that weneed to take is to becomehonest. —Walter Anderson

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HealingAfterParentalAlienation fter close to three decades I chose to escape anunhealthy marriage and as a result, lost my“American Dream” and most everything thatprovided me with safety, security and stability: myhome, assets and money, even friends, family andneighbors. That was traumatic enough to shattermy reality, however, it wasn’t until experiencing aparent’s worst nightmare that my world was foreverchanged. I was certain that I had already enduredmy share of life’s obstacles and challenges, then theunthinkable happened: I lost my adult children toParental Alienation. Parental Alienation is a worldwide epidemicaffecting millions of men, women, children andfamilies and is considered by renownedpsychological researchers to be a severe form ofChild Abuse and Intimate Partner Violence. Thisunfortunate dynamic often happens to dads andmoms after a divorce or separation where thechildren suddenly become loyal to and align withthe parent who psychologically manipulates,brainwashes and empowers them to unjustifiablyreject, hate, fear and become hostile towards theirother loving, normal-range parent. ParentalAlienation is a calculated and intentional campaignof denigration to attempt to destroy loving parent-child bonds by enlisting the children as a means forrevengeful abusers to inflict further harm on theirformer partner. The innocent children are used as weapons in thevindictive parent’s war of revenge to discredit,punish, isolate and hurt their ex, the loving,targeted parent. Despite positive, wonderful andfirsthand foundational experiences that shouldprove otherwise, even adult children can be easilybrainwashed with cult-like strategies into believingthat one of their parents, and that entire side oftheir family, is bad, should be feared and avoided Written by Author Dr. Marni FoderaroAuthentic Insider | Page 14A

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"The abuser’scalculated mission isto destroy yourrelationship withyour kids."at all costs. The abuser’s calculated mission is todestroy your relationship with your kids. After theyleave you homeless, deplete your finances, ruinyour reputation and credit, jeopardize your job,negatively impact your physical health, turn yourfriends, family and neighbors against you and forceyou to engage in frivolous legal court proceedings,they will take away what means the most to you:your children. These alienators don’t take intoaccount or even care about the lifelong emotionaldamage they are inflicting on their own children. Itis a significant loss for everyone involved.If the children are minors, the abusers will often goto great lengths to misuse authorities and thefamily court legal system to convince therapists,lawyers and judges to deny the loving parentcustody or limit visitation with false accusations,forged documents and misrepresentations. If thechildren are adults, the alienators set the stage forthe children to be controlled, financially dependentand bought off with elaborate gifts. Some abuserseven encourage the adult children to threaten theother parent with police arrests, or to actually presscharges and file restraining orders against theirother parent. In all cases, alienators will doeverything and anything to destroy that otherparent and the loving bond shared between thatparent and the kids. Some abusers inflict theultimate punishment by murdering their ex and/orthe children. Questioning outsiders often believethat the targeted parent must have done something to deserve the estrangement.Nothing could be further from the truth.Researchers have shown that this form ofrejection is absolutely unnatural, unwarrantedand instigated by one malevolent person: thealienator. Alienated adult children feel justified in theiranger, fear and/or hostility, eventually cutting offall contact with one of their parents, and usuallythat side’s extended family. The alienatingparent will directly or indirectly, throughgaslighting, projection, smearing, blatant lies andbelievable half-truths, paint the negative picturethat their other parent is crazy, unstable,dangerous or incapable of properly loving orcaring for their own children, even if they wereactually considered by the abuser as awonderful parent with no complaints prior tothe separation. Abusers will use blame-shiftingby wrongly accusing their ex of mistreating thechildren or putting them in harm’s way to makethemselves look like the better parent. Theyportray a false positive public persona as theyact one way in front of others and another waybehind closed doors. However, adult childrenknow deep down which parent lies, cheats andsteals and which parent doesn’t. Still, thechildren side with the alienating parent becausethey know the safe parent’s love isunconditional. These kids live in fear ofabandonment and feel that if they don’t supportthe narcissistic abusing parent, theconsequences to their life would be detrimental.I am a targeted mom of almost a decade. Myabuser, through his calculated and malevolentbroad-reaching agenda, was able to get ouradult children to align with him and reject me. Itis very unnatural for a loving parent to have theirchildren wrongly ripped away from their life,especially after raising them into their twentiesand previously enjoying a loving and healthyrelationship. Researchers conclude that childrendo not reject a normal-range, loving parent Authentic Insider | Page 15

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unless they are coerced to do so. Devastated, sad,confused and shocked, I struggled to understandwhy bad things and injustices, including ParentalAlienation, happen to good, honest, loving,empathetic and upstanding people. I was living the “American Dream,” raising my twobeautiful children, working in a fulfilling 35-yearcareer as a special education high school teacher,with 12 years as a university adjunct graduateschool professor, residing in a gorgeous homecomplete with the quintessential white picketfence, studying for an advanced degree, pursuingmy hobbies and interests and volunteering forworthwhile causes. I was on top of the world. Adeep sense of compassion was woven into thefabric of my empathetic being. As a person ofintegrity who believes in love, honesty,commitments, fidelity, fiscal responsibility,perseverance and good will, I thought thateveryone I was close to had those same intrinsic"Like many Domestic Abuse victims and survivors before me, Ilearned the hard way that even people you have had a long-term relationship with can betray you.”moral values, especially my partner. Like manyDomestic Abuse victims and survivors before me, Ilearned the hard way that even people you havehad a long-term relationship with can betray you,be covertly abusive and take advantage of yourtrusting good nature.One fateful night over a pizza dinner at the localpub, the world as I knew it came to a crashing halt.My partner’s false mask slipped as he exposed histrue colors. His secrets and manipulations wereaccidentally divulged and the truth about hisdouble life was revealed. That was my “Ahamoment” illuminating the fact that I had ignoredred flags for way too many years. I realized from hisunintentional confessions that I had been slowly,methodically and intentionally abused. Without anexit plan, I immediately mustered up my courage,filed for divorce and thought I was on my way tosafety and freedom by escaping that toxicpartnership. However, some abusers are Authentic Insider | Page 16

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malevolent predators and don’t let their targetedprey go easily, and for years, I continued to besmeared, stalked and silenced.Although my adult children are alive, ParentalAlienation can be compared to experiencing yourchildren’s physical death; targeted parents gothrough all of the same stages of grief; you arejust grieving the death of living children. Days ofno contact turn into weeks, months and in mycase years. It is still hard to accept that adultchildren would cut off all contact from a parentwho gave them such a wonderful and happy lifewith unconditional love and support. Throughresearching this form of child abuse, I have nowlearned that cult-like brainwashing, coercivecontrol and manipulation can lead children toexperiencing “Stockholm Syndrome” and“Independent Thinker Phenomenon.” The childrenare empowered and rewarded by the alienator tofeel justified in rejecting half of who they are. It’sso very heart wrenching for a loving parent tohave no or limited ability to protect their childrenfrom the abuse of Parental Alienation. As weparents suffer, we need to remember that ourchildren are also dealing with unbelievable painand loss. As an erased mom I was forced into survivalmode. Despite the negativity, pain and darkness, Iembraced positivity, love and light, like I havealways done throughout my life when faced withadversity. Through this trauma I chose to handlethis life challenge with love, compassion,forgiveness and goodness. Acknowledging mygrief and loss and learning about the Cluster Bbehaviors and Covert Malignant NarcissisticPersonality Disordered individuals ultimatelybecame the impetus to reclaiming my life.Carrying on seemed impossible becausemotherhood was such a huge part of how Idefined myself. Coming to terms with my newreality, I researched Parental Alienation to learnas much about it as I could. It has been said thatknowledge is power. It doesn’t take the painaway, but knowledge does lead to greaterunderstanding and acceptance.Experiencing Parental Alienation andunderstanding the dynamics of my abuser’sundiagnosed condition or behaviors has helpedme heal from the gut wrenching heartachecaused by this severe form of Family Violence.Never in my wildest dreams would I haveimagined I would lose both of my adult childrento Parental Alienation. This devastating traumahas completely changed the course of my life. To cope, I did a great deal of soul searching andresearch to make sense of my experiences andprocess what I’ve been through. A very necessary Authentic Insider | Page 17

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"Even though myadult children are notpart of my day-to-day, I understandthat we all have ourown journeys.”step in the healing process is to do the inner,shadow work. I needed to reflect on my ownchildhood experiences, family dynamics, corewounds and Intergenerational Family Trauma tosee my role in the situation. I had to learn aboutand acknowledge my own traits and behaviorsthat contributed to my being a chosen target forabuse, which included being an over-giver, anextreme empath and someone who did not havehealthy boundaries. I had to learn about trauma-bonds. I had to do a deep dive into my own lifeconditioning to fully understand the situation Ifound myself in, and make some necessarychanges to be emotionally healthier.It wasn’t easy and didn’t happen overnight, but myhealing journey eventually led to my living ablessed life filled with gratitude, purpose, peaceand love. I even pray for my abuser and for allabusers to heal their core wounds and to beguided to kindness and goodness. Even though Icurrently face life without my adult children, Iunderstand that each person has their ownjourney on this earthly plane. Love, honesty andgoodness have always guided me; I can only hopeand pray that my alienated children rememberthose same instilled values, and the truth will beuncovered. Over time I was engulfed with reassuring andpeaceful feelings of pure love instead of anger,despair or vindictiveness. My heart was filled withhope and gratitude for so many wonderful yearsof treasured experiences and happy times mychildren and I experienced together. Even thoughthe alienator has most likely destroyed ordiscarded anything that would encourage ourchildren to elicit positive memories with me, I wasthankful that I took numerous photographs, madeextensive scrapbooks and kept digital files sothere’s tangible proof of my children’s happyupbringing and the love they shared with theirmother.What keeps me going despite the devastating lossof my children to Parental Alienation? I would saythat my integrity, belief in a higher power, stayingtrue to my values and realizing that I cannotcontrol the negative behaviors that others do; Ican only control myself and how I choose torespond. I have made a conscious choice toreclaim my life. It’s important for me to show mykids that good people continue to take the highground, even when faced with adversity. Actionsspeak louder than words. Deep down they knowthat their mom is not the bad person I was madeout to be. At some point however, the lovingtargeted parent must look out for their ownemotional health and wellbeing.I now have a renewed sense of purpose to live ajoy-filled existence. Even though my adultchildren are not part of my day-to-day, Iunderstand that we all have our own journeysand believe that eventually my children will knowthe truth. They were fed a false narrative. I havealways loved them to the moon and back. I feelit’s important as a responsible mom to continueto be a role model for my children, so they canwitness a positive, productive response to ahorrific situation. Children need to understandthat there will always be adversity and challengesin our lives, but that we have the power torespond in a way that does not contribute in anegative manner. Authentic Insider | Page 18

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"The experiences andvoices of survivorsmatter, and we shouldnot be silenced forspeaking the truth."I found tremendous healing by processing myfeelings and experiences through meditation,prayer and the written word, thus, the author inme was born. Writing has helped me make senseof this unwarranted alienation, transforming mypain into power. Recovering from the unbelievabletrauma of Domestic Violence, Narcissistic Abuseand Parental Alienation is a process for all who aretargeted by the misguided evil doers.Unfortunately, our abused children need to havetheir lightbulbs of truth turned on for them tobegin to understand what really happened and toheal from the injustices done to them by theiralienating parent. however uncomfortable the conversation may beor the abuser’s direct or indirect efforts to silenceus. Truth, compassion, goodness, peace and lovewill and must prevail. I want to extend a message of empowerment toall the beautiful dads, moms, children and familymembers who find themselves in darkness anddespair, or living through life’s challenges,including Domestic Violence and ParentalAlienation. Nobody deserves to experience abuse.However, enduring trauma and devastating losscan actually be the catalyst leading you to apositive turning point in your life. Just when youthink you can’t survive and go on, you can find theinner strength to persevere. I did the work tounderstand Parental Alienation and it helps.Despite significant losses, I choose to live ablessed, purposeful and joy-filled life and amhopeful that others can as well. Seize life’schallenges as opportunities to reflect as yousearch for deeper meanings to make sense ofyour experiences. I sincerely pray that yourjourney brings you lasting joy, authentic love andmany blessings. As a person who has experiencedtrauma, I believe that there is hope that you CANsurvive and thrive.There is always hope for reuniting, althoughso much valuable time has been lost andabused children and targeted parents can’tget back the years of separation. The pain ofmissed milestones creates such sadness, butthere is the possibility of reuniting andcreating new connections and newmemories. The abuser can try to erase youand rewrite history, but loving parent-childbonds cannot truly be severed. I am now finding my voice in the hopes ofinspiring others and validating their journeys,as I continue to heal. The experiences andvoices of survivors matter, and we should notbe silenced for speaking the truth, despitethe fear the abuser attempts to instill by theirthreats. Our words need to be heard,

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Marni’s latest prominently endorsed 5-book seriesentitled: “True Deceit False Love” addressesDomestic Violence, Narcissistic Abuse, ParentalAlienation and Intergenerational Family Trauma.Marni is a lover of animals, nature, music andworld travel. She values honesty, integrity,equality and goodness and prays for peace onearth. Marni was born in the South, raised herchildren in the Midwest and lives in the Caribbean.In addition to her speaking engagements andvarious writing endeavors, Marni is a contributingauthor to numerous anthology books. In January2022 Marni was inducted into the BestsellingAuthors International Organization. Dr. Marni Hill Foderaro’s books are sold onAmazon, Barnes and Noble, Balboa Press/HayHouse and wherever fine books are sold. Visit formore information.About TheAuthorDr. Marni Hill Foderaro, award-winning speaker,educator and author of “God Came To My GarageSale” and the 5-book series “True Deceit FalseLove.” Dr. Marni Hill Foderaro is an award-winning andcelebrated author, speaker and educator. Sheearned her doctorate in education from NorthernIllinois University and completed postdoctoralstudies at Harvard after a very successful andrewarding 35-year career as a high school specialeducation teacher, with 12 years as a universityadjunct graduate school professor. Marni’s lifewas forever changed after experiencing numeroustrauma-induced STEs-Spiritually TransformativeEncounters. Marni’s 2020 Best Books AwardWinning Spiritual fiction “God Came to My GarageSale” is prominently endorsed by James Redfield,best selling author of “The Celestine Prophecy”series of books and founding directors of IANDS(International Association for Near Death Studies)Authentic Insider | Page 20

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"Nature has given us all the piecesrequired to achieve exceptional wellnessand health, but has left it to us to putthese pieces together."—Diane McLaren

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Trauma –Surviving theBattle Within efore achieving sobriety, I was ahopeless, chronic alcoholic. I was marriedwith children and had a great career; lifecould not have been better. The onlyproblem was that I drank too much, andwhen I did, I lost control. When I enjoyed mydrinking, I could not control it, and when Icontrolled my drinking, I could not enjoy life.Finally, alcoholism gripped me hard, andlike most people I sank quickly.I lost millions of dollars, my business, myhome, my wife, and my two children. I wentfrom family to friends to acquaintances untilI finally became homeless and on thestreets of Manchester, England for 14months asking for handouts to purchasefood but mainly liquor. While homeless, Iwas arrested several times, prone toblackouts that lasted for months, and wasassaulted physically and sexually. I have hadseveral near brushes with death, includingblood loss from injuries during blackoutsand an attempted suicide. To this day, I donot know how I was found or survived mysuicide attempt. In a moment of desperation, I fell to my kneesin the cold rain, barefoot because my shoeshad been stolen while I slept off anotherbender, and I looked up to heaven and said Icannot do this on my own anymore. For thefirst time I accepted that I was an alcoholic,and I could not manage my life. Momentslater, a man with a bible walked around thecorner and asked me if I needed help. Astranger took me Written by Robb Kelly, PHDAuthentic Insider | Page 22 B

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1 9in, and I started my path to recovery. He let mestay with him with the rule that I was to attendAA meetings and though I had been in and outof the rooms for years, I quit fighting and finallyfound the answer I was looking for. Even in sobriety, I continued to struggle withmental and emotional well-being. I wasdiagnosed with PTSD and started delving intothe events of my life that left my centralnervous system in tatters. Many of theseevents stemmed from my childhood andothers from my homelessness and the thingsthat I did and had done to me while in the gripsof alcoholism. My answer to these unpleasantmemories was to seal them up and keep themat bay, but it wasn’t until I finally confrontedthese traumatic events that I found peace. "I was diagnosed with PTSDand started delving into theevents of my life that leftmy central nervous systemin tatters.The word trauma has been bandied about inmental health circles for the past 20 years asmore people come to the realization of theeffect it has on a person’s overall well-being.Defined trauma is a deeply disturbing ordistressing experience. There are a few broadcategories that easily fit this definition such asexperiencing war, surviving an airplane crash, orbeing a victim of physical or sexual abuse buttrauma is much more insidious. Trauma isindividually subjective: what hurts youemotionally is not the same thing that hurts meemotionally. Trauma is anything that disrupts our sense ofsafety. Even seemingly minor events such asridiculing (even if it is only meant in jest) cancause long-lasting trauma which will carry overto adulthood. When trauma is not resolved inchildhood it is carried over into adulthoodwhich then sets up a situation for more traumato occur. Authentic Insider | Page 23

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1 9Trauma affects mental, physical, and emotionalwell-being making it difficult to cope and canlead to many unhealthy coping mechanisms,but drugs and alcohol are an easy fix innumbing the emotions. Once a person crossesover from self-medication to addiction, theyrun the risk of never learning to deal with theunderlying emotions. It is imperative inaddiction recovery that underlying trauma bebrought to light and worked through. I call it“returning to the scene of the crime.” Drugs and alcohol are a solution of protection.We drink or we use drugs, and the centralnervous system calms down and that creates aneuropathway in the brain that if usedrepeatedly as a coping mechanism becomes anaddiction. Research on the role of trauma inaddiction is what I consider to be in its infancy.Addiction has been around for centuries but upuntil the past 50 years, it was considered morein moral or behavioral terms. Looking ataddiction in terms of a brain malady ordisorder is still a concept many people refuseto accept. Alcohol and drugs have very little todo with alcoholism and drug addiction. It’s nota drinking problem, but a thinking problem. One of the brain’s jobs is to find the bestsolution to protect us. A critical parenting style,bullying, emotional abandonment, maritaldiscord, and other forms of family dysfunctioncan cause the same effect on the brain as beingshot at in a war zone. The brain cannot tell thedifference between a war in Afghanistan and awar at home. To the brain, it is trauma, period. Looking at addiction interms of a brain maladyor disorder is still aconcept many peoplerefuse to accept.Trauma affects us psychologically, cognitively,behaviorally, and physiologically. It has a directeffect on a person’s ability to lead a normal andsatisfying quality of life. Fascinating fact about animals; if a deer getsclipped by a passing car but does not die, it willstay down for a minute and then arise standingon all fours. What happens next is especiallyimportant. The next move is to shake violentlyfor a few seconds, then carry on with the daywithout a thought about what just happened.When the deer shakes violently it is shaking offthe trauma from the car hitting him. As humans,we will store up our emotional pains whichdistort our thought patterns and batter ourcentral nervous system for weeks, months, andeven years. To this day, I still have memories that pop upfrom my days on the streets or terrible things Idid when I was drinking, and I know I’m notalone. I see the effects of trauma in every singleperson that I have met with a substance abusedisorder. I believe that is where our researchand new treatment methods should be focused.When I start working with a person on theirrecovery, the first thing I ask them is what theirchildhood experience was like and have theyexperienced any major trauma. It may not evenbe apparent to the patient that they have thistrauma holding them back. It is imperative thatunderlying trauma be addressed as part of therecovery process. To not do so is almostguaranteeing relapses. Trauma is treatable!We should take a cue from our animal friendsand address any trauma head on and in themoment before it takes up residence in oursubconscious creating havoc in our lives as itpleases.Authentic Insider | Page 24

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"Success is not final;failure is not fatal: It isthe courage tocontinue that counts. — Winston S. Churchill

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“Develop successfrom failures.Discouragementand failure are twoof the sureststepping stones tosuccess.” —Dale Carnegie

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B O U D O I R P H O T O G R A P H Y H A SN O T H I N G T O D O W I T H S E XB Y S H A N N O N O ’ H A R A , B O U D O I R P H O T O G R A P H E R , S O C I E T Y B O U D O I R S O C I E T Y B O U D O I R . C O M

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When clients walk into my studio, I can sense theirnervous excitement, their shyness—even the mostconfident ones. We’ve been taught not to beoutwardly attractive or sexy, but we better beattractive enough to win a good partner. It’sconfusing AF. Of course, women will be shy whenthey walk into the studio. They don’t knowwhether to be sexy or modest or both at thesame time. They’re asking themselves whythey’re even doing this crazy thing in the firstplace. s a San Diego boudoir photographer,I’ve seen and heard it all. From the momwho wants to get back in touch with herbody after her third kid to the 4X womanwho’s been told her whole life she shouldbe ashamed to live inside her own skin. Of the dozens of women that have posedon the silks in my studio or turned their faceto the water pouring from the tropicalshower, not a single one has come to meto feel like a sex object. Women get boudoirphotos for many reasons, but when itcomes down to it, they do it for themselves. The Messages Society Sends WomenFrom the day we are born, women are toldwe exist for someone else. From Daddy’slittle girl to the good wife and all themessaging in between. Our parents stillgive us away at our weddings as if webelong to them until the day we aretransferred to our spouse. Out in the world, our worth continues to bemeasured by our waistlines and bra sizes;If we’ve been “good enough” to indulge indessert. We’re measured on having both a successful career while being the kind of momthat practices gentle parenting but is alsofirm. We are even judged by the behavior ofour children. We watch in fear as our bodiesand lives become second to a ball of cells, toliterally everything and everyone else. What isleft for us?The Messages Society Sends WomenImage Credit: Shannon O’Hara societyboudoir.comImage Credit:Shannon O’Harasocietyboudoir.comAuthentic Insider | Page 28 A

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One of the best parts of being a boudoirphotographer is showing clients their images. Thegasps, squeals, and overwhelmed silence. Somepeople cry. They’ve never seen their power before. There is nothing like watching a woman look throughher gorgeous photo album, her fingers running overthe thick edges and glossy prints in awe of herself.Some women immediately order framed pictures tohang in their closet. They want to see themselves intheir power every single morning and every singlenight.Sometimes partners, friends, and family membersare stunned by the confidence that is unleashed,and share in the joy of their loved ones renewedsense of self. Damn, that is empowering.Unfortunately, sometimes there are those who try toshame women for having a boudoir photo shoot.Well I have something to say to them…how dare you?How dare you shame a woman for taking a steptowards loving her body? Towards seeing herself assexy? How dare you try to take away her power theminute she gets it back? Be a better person, becauseshe deserves better.Then something magical happens. Itstarts kind of chilly, and then finally, a tinyspark, and before I know it, my studio isablaze. YES, QUEEN!!! My camera and I arebonded in awe of the woman in front of us.She has arrived.My clients leave their boudoir photo shootfeeling like a totally new person. But theyare absolutely not a new person. Theirpower was released. A power that theywere born with. Boudoir breathes air intothe part of a woman’s soul that has beenminimized and even broken by society.She feels a brand new space andconfidence to be her whole, authentic self.And that has nothing to do with sex.My clients also leave their boudoirsessions hungry. Really hungry. There’ssomething about finding yourself inboudoir that invites further nourishment.Sharing Boudoir PhotosImage Credit:Shannon O’Harasocietyboudoir.comAuthentic Insider | Page 29

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Shannon O’Hara is a San Diego boudoirphotographer. Her passion is helpingwomxn of all shapes and sizes find theirfire. She is also a military spouse with threechildren who are incredibly proud of thework their mom does. About the AuthorI think of boudoir photography likekintsugi, the Japanese art of repairingbroken objects with gold.Boudoir allows women to healthemselves, embrace themselves, tofeel empowered. They see themselvesthrough my camera, through the film.They see themselves in their full glory,imperfect, cracks and all. You’re damnright they feel sexy. But it’s not aboutsex. When they look at their images,when they look at themselves, whatthey see is gold.Authentic Insider | Page 30

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“If you are working onsomething that you reallycare about, you don’t haveto be pushed. The visionpulls you.” — Steve Jobs

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The Benefitsof WritingAboutTraumaby Michael BarryAuthor of Rooftops n Ursula K Le Guin’s book ‘A Wizard of Earthsea’,to know the true name of a thing gives you powerover it. Like her book, the monsters in our memoryeventually respond to the name ‘Self.’Trauma memory is different from regular memory. Itbites back. Sometimes it wants to be left alone untilyou are ready. What happened to us remains withus. The ship sails on but the fire burns below.Perhaps when we can say it's true name, we gainthat same power over it. The command of the dark.To face these memories is a measure of availablecapacity. There’s a cost. Even gently whispered,some stories are hard to tell. I’ve been told that thebrain can’t tell between these trauma memories,these flashbacks, and the present day. In a way,these trauma reactions are still happening. Nowthat’s some fresh hell.When I talked to the shrink while writing a bookabout my experiences, she used terms such as ‘de-sensitization’ - a practical benefit to the reprisal ofthe memory on the way to the page. Maybe it’sworth one more turn on the wheel to crystallize it, toform it into words, sentences, paragraphs ofawfulness. Did that really happen? To me?There’s strong mojo in the naming of thesememories; to say them out loud, to set what washidden free, because it’s true.We’re so cautious. We have reason to be. What mustwe be capable of feeling when we can finally name it,say it, speak it and look at it in a colder light?My story belongs to me, for good or ill, and there’snot a damn thing that the dark, or the past, can doto stop me from calling it by its name. It doesn’t ownme anymore. It’s part of me.In the circles of survivors, I’ve heard it said that wedon’t choose how we got here, we choose where togo from here.I wrote in ‘Rooftops’ that the exit is through thegiftshop. And that’s the gift. Eventually, this storybelongs to us and we become the authors of ourfutures as much as the storytellers of our pastAuthentic Insider | Page 32 I

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“Experience is ahard teacherbecause she gives the test first, thelessonafterwards.”―Vernon SandersLaw

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Supplies:mixed media paper or oranother thick paper oil pastelschalk pastels OR crayons scraper tool: Can be a chopstick,mechanical pencil without lead,or anything else that scrapespaper towel and/or tissue (optional)Healing throughthe ArtsAuthentic Insider | Page 34by: Cali BinstockMindfulness PaintingGETTING TO KNOW A PROTECTORChoose a shape, line, or design to repeat continuously. Be playful, explore, and have fun!FULLFULLYOUTUBEYOUTUBEVIDEO ON THE NEXT PAGEVIDEO ON THE NEXT PAGE

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Healing throughthe ArtsAuthentic Insider | Page 35❤ , CaliJoin me to make art to express and release,accept and embrace.

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Authentic Insider | Page 48The Month of August offers up one lasthurrah before the end of summer,before we begin our regular routines,and get back to school. For August'sissue, we put together a travel playlist.So whether you will be traveling viaplane, train or automobile, or even if youare staying close to home, Here is yourlist to close out summer. "Africa" by Toto“California Love" by Tupac“I’ve Been Everywhere" by Johnny Cash"Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knightand the Pips"New York State of Mind" by Billy Joel"Kokomo" by Beach Boys""Paris" by The Chainsmokers"Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd"Miami" by Will Smith"Galway Girl" by Ed Sheeran"Beverly Hills" by Weezer"Take Me Home Country Road" by John Denver"Take it Easy" by The Eagles"KNow That I know" by Lake Street Dive"DOn't Lost sight" by LawrenceAuthentic Insider | Page 36

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Mental health affects everyone. Here are just a few books to help kids understandemotional and learning challenges.Coen is struggling with his emotions,despite his family’s attempts tocheer him up in their own ways.Finally, they learn that in order tohelp one another, they have to listen.A girl and her dog similarly getworried often. In order to getthrough their day of adventures, thegirl will have to come prepared tosoothe both of their anxieties.*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to and affiliated sites.Authentic Insider | Page 37A girl and her dog similarly getworried often. In order to getthrough their day of adventures, thegirl will have to come prepared tosoothe both of their anxieties.

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Mental Health, Memoir & EmotionalSupport Books(Adult)Is there just one “you”? We’ve been taught to believe we have a single identity, and tofeel fear or shame when we can’t control the inner voices that don’t match the ideal ofwho we think we should be. Yet Dr. Richard Schwartz’s research now challenges this“mono-mind” theory. “All of us are born with many sub-minds―or parts,” says Dr.Schwartz. “These parts are not imaginary or symbolic. They are individuals who exist asan internal family within us―and the key to health and happiness is to honor,understand, and love every part.”A unique and elegant blend of science, memoir, travel writing, history, and medicine, Howto Change Your Mind is a triumph of participatory journalism. By turns dazzling andedifying, it is the gripping account of a journey to an exciting and unexpected newfrontier in our understanding of the mind, the self, and our place in the world. The truesubject of Pollan's "mental travelogue" is not just psychedelic drugs but also the eternalpuzzle of human consciousness and how, in a world that offers us both suffering andjoy, we can do our best to be fully present and find meaning in our lives.Are your thoughts holding you captive? I’ll never be good enough. Other people have betterlives than I do. God couldn’t really love me. Jennie Allen knows what it’s like to swirl in aspiral of destructive thoughts, but she also knows we don’t have to stay stuck in toxicthinking patterns. In Get Out of Your Head, Jennie inspires and equips us to transform our emotions, ouroutlook, and even our circumstances by taking control of our thoughts. Our enemy isdetermined to get in our heads to make us feel helpless, overwhelmed, and incapable ofmaking a difference for the kingdom of God. But when we submit our minds to Christ, thepromises and goodness of God flood our lives in remarkable ways. *I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to and affiliated sites.Authentic Insider | Page 38

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August will be all about lessons learned and wisdom gained which has led you to this moment in your life. Patience andcareful planning is necessary this month. With a solid foundation will come a lot of success and achievements to look forwardto. Some are manifesting material harvest in their lives. Patience is needed or was the key to success for many. For a few,temptation could be hindering your progress or success. Try to work through them as best you can.There are individuals who could have experienced some heartache and loss. You will be slowly but surely overcoming it indue time. Healing is a process. This experience could have guided you to reclaim your power back and to become moreconfident in yourself. Many of the collective could be seeing some positive financial and material changes. However, patience and consistency isneeded. There will be victory and success in your business and your relationships. A lot of you have been tested by theuniverse, especially if you have goals and dreams you have been pursuing. Find appreciation for what you currently have. Besure to affirm what you would like to see show up in your reality. Let go of any guilt you may be feeling about the past. As thatcould be blocking abundance in your life. Time to disconnect from the outer world. Quiet retreat is needed to get yourthoughts together. Exercising can help many of you increase your manifestation abilities. Affirm what you want to manifestand with faith, watch it become your reality.Those in relationships may need some intimacy to spice up the relationship. Couples need to understand that compromisewill help with conflicts and disagreements that arise. It's not only about being right all of the time. In your relationship, theremay have been disappointments you both have experienced, but it's definitely going to get better with empathy, sympathy,and understanding from one another.For those who are single, don’t feel the need to rush into a new relationship. You have experienced disappointments in yourlife that were preparing you for what is coming. It's about a mindset shift. Many people could feel like they are tired of beinglet down and always getting the short end of the stick. Trust and believe in due time that you will attract your perfect personfor you. This could also have been for many areas in your life like work, career, and business etc. Something better is coming.Whether single or in a relationship, breaking free of codependency will help a lot of you, especially after dealing with abuse inyour life. Learn how to be self-reliant and independent.You are on your own journey towards happiness and success which looks different for everyone. Remember no one is likeyou and don't compare yourself to others. Focus on yourself and your family, and remember, you can achieve your goals anddreams. with Joy Larkin (August 1, 2022 - August 31, 2022) Joy is a Narcissistic AbuseSurvivor who has made it her life'swork to help others through lifecoaching. She is also a healer,earth angel and psychic medium.If you would like coaching servicesfrom Joy and/or get your ownpersonal reading, please scan thebarcode below with yoursmartphone camera.READINGSPersonalINFOCoachingAuthentic Insider | Page 39