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AIM February 2023 issue

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InsiderTEEN DATING VIOLENCE How to recognize teen dating violence inyour own relationship and others' RECLAIMING YOUR SEXUALITYAFTER BETRAYAL TRAUMA How to reclaim your sexuality after Betrayal Trauma ANGER & WHAT TO DOABOUT ITHow to manage anger and why Houses ofRage are not the answerFebruary 2023

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Authentic Insider | Page 02Dear Readers,Hope you all are beating the winter blues and finding some activities to catchthe winter sun. The month of February is an important month to celebrateBlack History Month. Within these pages, you can find ways to honor AfricanAmerican Culture. The Psychedelic Access Fund is also looking for applicantsin the BIPOC community interested in sponsorship for Ketamine-AssistedTherapy on (pg 9). February is also Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.Kathryn Marsh sheds some light on the issue in her Prosecutor POV. This maybe the month of love but the theme for this issue is self-love. Co-contributorsand High Conflict Divorce Coaches, Chris Barry and Lisa Johnson, share whygetting out of toxic relationships is the highest form of self-love. Relationshipexpert Jenni Rochelle, discusses how to reclaim your sexuality after betrayaltrauma.Also, how do you manage anger? Trauma Educator Karen Gross examinesHouses of Rage and why they are not the only answer. Ketamine-Assisted Art Therapist Juanita Viera explores and shares herexperience and art she created in psychedelic integration. As in every issue, Cali Binstock provides a Healing through Art Prompt and wehave your Self-love AIM Playlist, along with my picks for children and adultbooks that support diversity and Black History Month. Plus, check out JoyLarkin's Twin Flame Readings to see what's in store for you this February.Thank you and cheers to an incredible year full of positive energy andgratitude. Happy Reading!Lorilee BinstockLorilee BinstockEditor in ChiefAlways

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Cali BinstockCreative DirectorHealing Though Art:Lynn BinstockCopy EditorKathryn MarshProsecutor POVTeen Dating ViolenceAwareness & PreventionJoy LarkinTwin Flame ReadingsAuthentic Insider | Page 03Authentic Insider | Page 03

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Karen GrossContributorAnger & What To DoAbout It: Its Not SoSimple Authentic Insider | Page 04Chris BarryCo-Contributor7 Reasons Why Getting Outof a Toxic Relationship is theBest Form of Self-CareJuanita VieraContributorThe Ketamine Rose: Art &Integration for Ketamine-Assisted TherapyLisa JohnsonCo-Contributor 7 Reasons Why Getting Out ofa Toxic Relationship is theBest Form of Self-Care Jenni RochelleContributorReclaiming Our SexualityAfter Betrayal Trauma

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Y O U RF E B R U A R YI S S U EProsecutor's POV: Kathryn Marsh11 Teen Dating Violence Awareness &Prevention Month Healing Through Art: Cali Binstock34 Perfectionism & Resin36 AIM Playlist37 Recommended Books39 Joy's Twin Flame Reading19I N E V E R Y I S S U EI N T H I S I S S U E152328Authentic Insider | Page 05By: Juanita Viera 15 The Ketamine Rose: Art & Integrationfor Ketamine Assisted Therapy 08 Ways to Honor Black History Month19 7 Reasons Why Getting Out of a ToxicRelationship is the Best Form of Self-Care By: Chris Barry & Lisa Johnson2 0 2 323 Anger: What to do about itBy: Karen Gross1128 Reclaiming Our Sexuality After BetrayalTraumaBy :Jenni Rochelle

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Check out Binstock Media Group's Website traumasurvivorthriver.comGet the latest from A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast, AuthenticInside Magazine, Lorilee Binstock in the media, and the latest news.Visit Authentic Insider | Page 06

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Authentic Insider | Page 07“Our first and last love is self-love.” - Christian Nestell Bovee

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Authentic Insider | Page 08 Black HistoryMonthWays to Honor Support Black-Owned Business Learn about the Black History in your Area Donate for a Cause Organize a Diversity and Inclusion Event Celebrate Black Literature Be a Mentor Support Black Art and Artists Support Black-Owned Restaurants1. purpose of Black History Month is to raise awareness ofpast injustices and the future development and equality forthe black community. The African American life was nevereasy, and this is an approach towards supporting theircontributions in society and at work.

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For the Month of February, ThePsychedelic Access Fund will be seekingout members of the BIPOC communityto received Ketamine Assisted Therapy.To Apply, Click Here The Psychedelic Access Fund (PAF) is a nonprofit that breaks down the financial, psychological,and societal barriers that prevent individuals from experiencing psychedelic healing. We believethat psychedelic healing should be accessible to all, regardless of a person’s ability to pay for it. Psychedelics are showing to be a promising treatment for our nation’s mental health crisis.However, the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies anticipates that MDMA-assisted therapy programs will cost between $13,000 -$15,000 per patient, and we are yet tounderstand the cost for psilocybin-assisted therapy. With depression and anxiety being threetimes more likely in lower socioeconomic classes, our nation will be left in an imbalance, whereonly those who can afford to pay for psychedelic healing will have access. We want to solve thatproblem. Our goal is to break down the barriers of access by identifying individuals who would benefit frompsychedelic healing but cannot afford it. PAF will sponsor select individuals for healingopportunities in hopes to create a healed, conscious, and connected world. We will also partnerwith psychedelic facilities and retreat centers across the nation to establish “Pay it Forward”funds and sponsorship programs, so that no person is turned away from psychedelic healing, dueto their ability to pay.

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“Never be limitedby other people’slimitedimaginations.” – Dr. Mae JemisonAuthentic Insider | Page 10

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TEEN DATING VIOLENCEAWARENESS MONTH By Kathryn Marsh, Prosecutor POV “All is fair in love and war.” We have all heard thisexpression, and many of us have likely repeated ita time or two, but what are we actually saying? What are we demonstrating to the young peoplein our lives? Can an intimate relationship really bedescribed as loving if every action is fair game?February is Teen Dating Violence AwarenessMonth, and its long overdue that we talk aboutdating violence in the teen and preteen arena. Teen Dating violence includes: Physical violence;Sexual violence; Psychological Aggression(Emotional Abuse) and Stalking. Studies haveshown that dating violence can begin as youngas age 11, yet this is often overlooked in the education and community settings. We have hadDARE programs and Cyber Safety program for years,but Teen Dating Violence doesn’t get a lot ofmainstream attention.Over 80% of polled parents don’t believe datingviolence is an issue, yet studies involving our youngpeople show a drastically different reality. Data fromCDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey revealed thatamong U.S. high school students who reporteddating during the 12 months before the survey, 1 in12 students have experienced some form of physicaldating violence, with more than 1.5 million highschool students in the US indicating that they haveexperienced some form of physical dating violence.Authentic Insider | Page 11

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When it comes to sexual violence about 1 in 12 teens hadexperienced sexual dating violence. The data numbersare even higher when we consider all forms of datingviolence. According to Domestic Violence, Inc., 1 in 3 girlshave experienced some form of dating violence.If the numbers are this high when it comes to studentsself-reporting, why is Teen Dating Violence not a hottopic? In part, it’s because teens themselves don’tunderstand warning signs or toxic behavior unlessspecifically asked about a behavior. Toxic or red flagdating behavior is often romanticized and held up asexamples of true love. Consider books assigned in school- Romeo and Juliet; Wuthering Heights; Wild Orchid;Othello; Jane Eyre; and The Scarlett Letter to name just afew. These books are assigned as classical literature and stories that have stood the test of time, yetthey romanticize unhealthy relationships.Unhealthy relationships continue to beromanticized throughout pop culture. Considermovies and TV shows that are targeted for teens;How many of them depict the girl going througha dramatic makeover, changing everything aboutthemselves to catch the guy’s attention who hadpreviously ignored them? How many times do themovies or TV shows depict dramatic fights with anepic makeup moment showing love conquers all?Stalking behaviors are normalized such asshowing up unannounced; texting or calling allthe time just to “check in”; driving by the person’shouse. Consider the Twilight series, one of themain characters, Edward would sneak in Bella’sbedroom to watch her sleep or follow her whenshe was out with friends, something that wouldfreak out most people, depicted asdemonstrations of love. Similarly, jealousy andpossessiveness are highlighted as positive waysyou know the other person truly loves you. Thesethemes permeate music, movies, and TV shows.Look at Grease, That 70s Show, The VampireDiaries, DeGrassi; Gossip Girl and even Friends toname just a few examples where you can seetoxic relationship behaviors sold as romance. Is itany wonder why our young people may notunderstand early warning signs of dating violence,or even what a healthy relationship looks like?When it comes to sexualviolence about 1 in 12teens had experiencedsexual dating violence. Authentic Insider | Page 12

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Dating violence has long term consequences, evenif a physical attack never happens. Young peoplewho experience dating violence are more likely toexperience depression or anxiety. They also have anincreased risk for abusing alcohol or drugs orengaging in risky behaviors. Young people whoexperience dating violence are also more likely tohave suicidal ideation.The number one way to prevent or reduce teendating violence is by talking about it. Normalizeconversations about healthy relationships. Whenyou’re watching a program with the young personin your life and see toxic relationship behavior, call itout and use it as a way to have a conversation. Ifyou’re concerned about a relationship the youngperson in your life is in, express your concernswithout judgment. Let them know what youobserved that caused you concern and ask for theirthoughts and opinions. Make sure that they knowthe conversation door is open, even if they’re notwilling to talk about it in the moment. If concernspersist, consider a counselor or therapist.If you want to learn more about Teen DatingViolence, or how to start the conversation, Irecommend the following websites:SIGNS TO LOOK FOR IN ANUNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPSOME SIGNS PARENTS OR LOVEDONES SHOULD LOOK FOR IF THEYHAVE CONCERNS ABOUT THE YOUNGJealousyMonopolizing of timeIsolating from friends and familyPossessive or controlling behaviorsName callingIntimidation or blackmail (emotional, Monitoring social media or cell phone usage; Calling or texting an exorbitant amountShowing up where the partner is uninvitedThreatening or causing physical abusedigital or physical) IsolationThe young person spending less time withother friends and just the person they’re datingDisengagement from activities they used tofind enjoyableExpressing stress or concern about therelationship or how the person they’re datingmight react to something Mood changes The number one way to prevent or reduce teendating violence is by talking about it. Normalizeconversations about healthy relationships. – Teen and Dating ViolenceAuthentic Insider | Page 13

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e Authentic Insider | Page 14

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The Ketamine Rose:Art & Integration forKetamine AssistedTherapy (KAP) s a creative, I’ve always been intrigued by thesynergy between the arts and psychedelics toproduce expanded states of consciousness.I was working as an art therapist at the height of theglobal pandemic in 2020, and I startedinvestigating a newly approved treatment usingKetamine as a catalyst for healing from depression,anxiety, and trauma. I read that Ketamine is adissociative anesthetic that could provide a breakfrom painful ruminative thoughts that causechronic symptoms that lead to suicidal ideation, aswell as provide enough distance for a client to lookat trauma without being triggered in their nervoussystem to respond.I wanted a tool that could provide more immediaterelief than traditional anti-depressants, and alsoguide my clients to access subconscious materialthat could be at the root of their suffering. I had ahunch that combining this medicinal tool alongwith art making to capture the energy and insightscould be the key to unlocking breakthroughs andsustaining them.I decided to try a session of my own KetamineAssisted Psychotherapy as part of an experientialtraining for therapists.I experienced a wave of excitement as I felt the medicineenter my body. This translated into a scene of being in arocket ship and heading to outer space, about to breakthrough the Earth’s atmosphere. When the ketamine fullyhit my system, I envisioned floating inside of the spacecraft and felt the sensation of weightlessness from theloss of gravity. I looked back outside of a window where Isaw a NASA-like image of Earth. My headphones weretransformed into a microphone in which I couldcommunicate with my co-therapist, who was back in theroom I had launched from. All I could muster was a“wow” as I entered the next scene in my vision.The following visions included several themes I wasexploring in my life, at the time, around relationships. Themost powerful was a scene in which I looked down atmy body and saw myself holding a neon pink, glowingrose. I was stunned and remember feeling overjoyed atthe discovery that I possessed such a unique flower. Isaw myself in my Brooklyn apartment, searching fromroom to room for my partner, to show him the rose.When I encountered my partner in the living room, heappeared sullen and hunched over, but when I urgedhim to look at the rose, his posture opened up andsuddenly we were both elevated and floating in circlesaround the rose; His depression had lifted. In the nextscene, I showed the neon pink rose to a close friend By Juanita J. Viera, LCATAAuthentic Insider | Page 15

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A few days after the session, I attended an integrationcall in which I shared the experience with others andprocessed the insights. Together, we formed a plan forme to create a new habit to incorporate the insights intomy daily life. When I shared the scene about the magicalrose I was holding and presenting to loved ones in mylife, I was asked about what this rose represents. Theanswer that came to me was that the rose was, in fact,my core essence, my authentic self, which was acompassionate, emanating energy. The insight was thatit had a profound effect on others when I shared fromthis true self state. In order to carry this insight forward, itwas suggested that I practice Metta meditation which isa form of Loving-Kindness meditation during the“neuroplastic window.” Neuroplasticity is an expandedstate that is part of the after effects of the Ketamine which allows for new synapticconnections to form by prompting more dendrites to grow.This interrupts old patterns of thinking, and is anopportunity to introduce an update. I practiced the lovingkindness meditation to remind myself to approachinteractions from the new perspective and essence Iembodied in the Ketamine space.To maximize the benefits of neuroplasticity, I created apainting of the rose symbol from my journey. The paintingnow has a special place in my home where it serves a dailyreminder to approach my relationships from my heartcenter.who is also an art therapist, and she wasopen and playful when I approached her.She responded by gasping then laughinggleefully, and dancing around the rosewith me, but we stayed on the ground.When we did our bellydance movestogether, the rose turned into a campfire.As I looked around the fire, I saw otherloved ones surrounding me.The answer thatcame to me wasthat the rose was,in fact, my coreessence, myauthentic self,which was acompassionate,emanating energy.Authentic Insider | Page 16

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Authentic Insider | Page 18“How you loveyourself ishow youteach othersto love you.” - Rupi Kaur

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You feel “lighter.” One ofthe most significantchanges is that the senseof heaviness begins tosubside. Our friend Soniain Australia notes that themoment she was able toget her ex-husband out ofthe house, “It felt like atoxic cloud had lifted.Literally, the atmospherewas different. Everythingjust seemed lighter.” Aaronreported even hispreschool daughterimmediately noticed adifference in him: Here are just a few of the mostcommon benefits you will seeonce you take that giant step ofleaving a toxic partner.1.If you are in arelationship withsomeone who makesyou feel bad, the newyear might be anexcellent time to I“It was the scariest and hardest thing I ever had to do,but I knew I had to save my own life.” - Sabrinaconsider how getting out canbe one of the healthiest thingsyou can do for both you andyour children.As male and female high-conflict divorce coaches whoeach have survived long-term,toxic marriages and then foundtrue, healthy love in midlife, wewant to speak to you from theother side with just a few of thethousands of voices in our owncommunity who lived throughexactly what you are strugglingwith right now.Chris Barry & Lisa Johnson arehigh conflict divorce coaches anddomestic violence advocates. Theyare also co-authors of the book,"Been There, Got Out"SEVEN REASONS WHY GETTINGOUT OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP IS THE BEST FORM OF SELF-CAREWRITTEN BY CHRIS BARRY & LISA JOHNSON, AUTHORS OF "BEEN THERE, GOT OUT"“The weight of it all was just holdingme down so much, 'cause I justlearned to live with it.” Authentic Insider | Page 19

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You become more physically attractive. After gettingout of my own nearly twenty-year relationship, as Istarted feeling better, I couldn’t believe how manycompliments I received on how much younger Ilooked. Turns out, this is a common experience forthose having exited toxic relationships, includingMena, who said, “I’m smiling a lot more because I’mnot being conned and manipulated.” You also don’thave to put up a false front, which many of us do inorder to hide what’s going on behind closed doors.“The people around me noticed my genuine smile;I’m a visibly healthier person,” said Suzie.LEAVING A HARMFULRELATIONSHIP CANOFTEN HELP BEGINTHE HEALING. Your health improves. Often, we don’t evenrealize the damaging effects that daily emotionalabuse has on our bodies, but it should not beunderestimated. We have several clients who arecancer survivors, as well as recovering fromother significant health issues, many of whichwere caused by stress and trauma. Leaving aharmful relationship can often help begin thehealing. “Being able to live your truth restoresnot only your soul but your physical health.Family and friends have told me how muchhappier and how much more at peace I look aftergetting out,” Ben observed.You become a healthier role model for your children.Your kids need you to be stable so that they can rely onyou for direction and support, especially if the otherparent is unhealthy. No matter how much you think youcan be a buffer, it is never a good idea for kids to growup in a household where there is emotional or physicalabuse because it teaches them that this is “normal.”Remember that we all seek relationships that arefamiliar to those we grew up with. “I left so that my kidscould have a better life,” Jessica told us. Heather Ruthwas even more explicit in her reasons for leaving: “Mykids don’t have to grow up with one sad, narrow view ofhow a woman ought to behave or be treated.”You get an even better version of yourself back. Thethought of exiting a relationship we have invested somuch in can be terrifying, especially as we havebecome both emotionally and often financiallydependent on our partner. “I had such low self-esteemthat I didn’t believe I could make it without him,”Heather Ruth feared. But after some time, and with theright support, things greatly improve, as they did withAkiko, who observed how she “used to wake up everyday feeling fear and anxiety, and now I wake up everymorning with hope and excitement because I candecide how to spend my day when in the past, Icouldn’t.” Insider | Page 20

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Reconnecting with friends and family is another perk.Isolation from a support system is a form of coercivecontrol, which unhealthy partners use to make youmore dependent on them. “Abusers isolate you fromthose who can help you,” notes Ben. An important partof taking care of yourself is validating your experiencesin the relationship and being able to talk about yourfeelings to people who care. A great support group canalso help people who no longer have contact withfriends or family.You have another chance at healthy relationships. Learningto trust yourself again is a huge gift to yourself. It takes work,but is absolutely worth it, whether or not you decide to trydating again. “At some point, you will meet somebody whowill blow your socks off, that will treat you with the respectyou deserve, and expect the same in return,” promisesSteve. “There are healthy relationships out there, and I havebeen lucky enough to find one after years of mental,physical, and emotional abuse.”IT IS NEVER A GOOD IDEAFOR KIDS TO GROW UP INA HOUSEHOLD WHERETHERE IS EMOTIONAL ORPHYSICAL ABUSEBECAUSE IT TEACHESTHEM THAT THIS IS“NORMAL.”5.6.7.“If you’re saying, ‘I don’t think I can leave,’ you really can.Your future self will thank you for it,” Jessica wants you toknow.It’s important to realize that leaving an abusive situation isfar more difficult than most people recognize and that it ishelpful to make clear-headed decisions before things getworse. You can get free help and access to resources, mostimportantly “safety planning,” with people experienced inworking with situations like yours by getting in touch with alocal domestic violence center or calling The Hotline at 800-799-7233.What price would you put on your own peace andhappiness? “It’s amazing that when the weight is lifted, andyou can start to breathe, how many good things you can letin,” says Suzie. Isn’t it about time you did?

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We’re angry! It shouldn’t be a shock. We arestruggling as individuals, families, communitiesand as a nation. The Pandemic and its aftermath(although it isn’t actually in the rear view mirror)have changed us. For real. When we weredisconnected during COVID, we not only lostskills of engagement. We changed; our worldchanged. And, I think we are finally recognizing(consciously or not) that we are not returning tothe way we were (to use the title of a very old buttouching movie). We are forever in a new worldand change is not our collective or individualstrong suit.Among the many demonstrations of our currentstate is that we are angry and we behave badly insmall and larger ways. From road rage to planerage to store rage to home rage, we are lashingout. And we are dysregulating. Just ask anyeducator how his/her students are doing and thebehaviors they are seeing in classrooms. And theeffect is not only on children; it is on adults too.This was all captured ably in an article appearingin the NYTimes.It is in this context that I came to learn about placeswith names like House of Rage or House of Anger orThe Purge House. These are places where, for aprice, individuals (including children) can go toexpress their anger. People can put on protectiveequipment and then smash things and break thingsand let their anger go (or so the theory goes). (Thereare Jackson Pollack-esq painting opportunities too.)Imagine toasters and cars being smashed tosmithereens. Glasses and bottles too. Apparently,there are 60 such places in the US.There is one close to me (well, 90 minutes) and Iplan to try it out. My friend’s children just went there.They had a blast.But these places worry me. To contextualize a bitbefore sharing my concerns, let me be clear.Recognizing anger is critically important. We need toidentify the feeling and then we need to understandwhat is causing it to manifest. And, we need to findways to process it and deal with it and regulate it.This isn’t easy. It isn’t fast. It isn’t often conscious.But, anger will not wane if we do not own it and dealwith it — often with help.AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT:IT'S NOT SO SIMPLE By Karen Gross, Trauma Educator Our AngerHouses of Rage and BeyondAuthentic Insider | Page 23

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HOUSESOF RAGESo Houses of Rage (my collective term for theseplaces) are noted for being places to go to addressanger. For links to some of them, lest you think I ammaking this up, here you go: (click on graphics on theleft)But, here is what worries me. Start with this. Would youconsider putting a House of Rage within a school? Ifnot, why not? Would you consider putting it in aworkplace? If not, why not? Would you consider puttingit in a hospital? If not, why not? Would you considerputting it in an airport? If not, why not? Would youconsider it as a birthday party event? A businessbonding event? A staff development activity?Yes, there are situations where a House of Rage canbe beneficial and fun even. It can let one’s pent upenergy out. And the idea is appealing, especially forthose who don’t exhibit anger through physical acts.For those of us inhibited by social norms, we get to dowhat we can’t do elsewhere: make a real mess.And we do other activities to let out anger: exercise,punching bags, shouting on hillsides. We arrangeactivities to allow people to let off stream. Amusementparks with roller coasters do that. So does bungyjumping.That said, here is what worries me.1. We may be able to commercialize and earn moneyfrom the anger of others. We might even see ourselvesas providing a service. But anger isn’t funny business;it is a deep emotion that needs to be processed. And asession bashing things for 15 minutes or 45 minuteswill not quell anger long term. It may help for a shorttime but it is far from a solution of lasting value.Authentic Insider | Page 24

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2. Next, psychologically speaking, we can’t killanger with anger. If we want to re-regulate, noamount of smashing will do that. It will not enableus to develop the skills to prevent and thenaddress dysregulation. Now, this is not to say thatthere are no ways to act out anger. One can throwballs into walls or create splash art on an openwall. What is true, though, is that bashing bottles ina padded room may let anger out but it doesn’tprevent future anger or an understanding of currentanger.3. Add to the above the following. Is the way toaddress anger by doing it? If that is so, whywouldn’t people see these Houses of Rage aslocations where it is ok to destroy things and if itworks there, why not try it elsewhere — say athome or in school. If it feels so good to smash, whynot smash every chance we get? Couldn’t we bemessaging badly? Anger gets settled by violence.5. Think about boxing in a ring with an instructor.Or think about Martial Arts, also with an instructor.These activities do involve violence but they arecontrolled; there are other people involved andthere are ways to do it well. We can be taught tochannel anger into healthy activities with the helpof others. Houses of Rage are not that. They arepay to destroy places. Boxing rings and MartialArts aren’t destroy places; they are places to learnthe power of one’s mind and body.6. I appreciate that we are seeing angereverywhere. And, wouldn’t it be amazing if aHouse of Rage made available to all became thesolution? But the truth is that our anger will not becured by smashing. Yes, smashing in a paddedroom is better than hitting a child or a spouse. But,I don’t think these Houses of Rage will preventdomestic abuse and child abuse. There are peopleto beat others and throw things regardless ofopportunities to use healthy outlet. So, my point isthat a temporary solution masks the deeper issuesand disables us from recognizing that there AREstrategies that work to diffuse anger. Paying $50 tosmash a car isn’t it.I have noted earlier and in other pieces that thereare no easy answers to all that ails us now. Andanger is an issue for many. But instead of meetinganger with anger (where one is alone in a room orwith friends in a room bashing bottles), I think we dobetter long term to meet anger with calm and quietand non-violence. We don’t address anger withanger. We know that.Ponder the two-year-old tantrum. Is the way toaddress it by having the parent/caregiver have atantrum too? Is it addressed by giving a child morethings to throw and more people to hit? In myexperience, a tantrum is best addressed by initiallyhelping the child realize they are out of control andupset. Saying things to a child like “I see you aremad. Can I help you?” is a good start. Locking thechild in a room or punishing them isn’t teaching re-regulation. Have patience, keep one’s voice calm,offer alternatives, give space. Recognize thetriggers.Now, when I wrote a piece about ways to reregulatepassengers on a flight, I was met with commentslike: OMG, how dangerous. Better to land the plane.I think that isn’t right. There is risk in landing a plane.There is risk with someone being dyregulated andthen tied to a chair or duct taped to a seat. Sure, inurgent situations, landing may be necessary. But,what is wrong with trying re-regulation strategies?Now What?PSYCHOLOGICALLYSPEAKING, WE CAN’TKILL ANGER WITHANGER. IF WE WANTTO RE-REGULATE,NO AMOUNT OFSMASHING WILL DOTHAT. Authentic Insider | Page 25

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Bottom line: we need to start by owning the angerthat exists now. We need to own our own angerand recognize it in others. We need to see that it iscommon, retriggered by earlier events and toughpsychologically. This is true whether you are 2 or20 or 40 or 70. And, assume too that mental illnessand even physical illness can make all this worseand make solutions harder to find.Once we understand what is happening, then wecan start the process of dealing with anger — inthe near and longer term. It starts to be sure withgetting in a place mentally where one is open tounderstanding the causes of one’s anger. Theymay be superficial or they could be profound. But,getting to the root cause of anger is key.Then, once we know anger’s cause or causes, wecan start to find strategies to ameliorate it. Andthere are plenty of strategies, none of which workfor all. And, we need to be sensitive to age andculture and context and gender and livedexperience. Our strategies are not universally goodgiven the heterogeneity of humankind.Of this I am sure: if you want a long-term resolutionof the anger that abounds in our nation, Houses ofRage are not the answer. They may providetemporary relief like a drug or alcohol can. But theyare not a place to resolve anger.Think about all of this as if we were dealing with acold. If you blow your nose once, that does not getrid of the cold. It clears one’s nose (or not) for ashort time. Dealing with a cold takes times andpatience and stages…..and so it is with anger.When I go to a House of Rage (which I plan to do asnoted above), here is what I want to see. What does it feellike in the space? What does it feel like after I leave thespace — later that day and the next day? And, does itrelieve anger in any sense — in the short or longer term?There are lots of things we do for fun. We sky dive. Weski down steep slopes. We ice skate on thin blades overice. We race cars or motorcycles. We wrestle others intournaments. We play football and rugby. There are risksin all of these activities and many others.But, if the goal is to assuage and manage anger, Housesof Rage are not the spot. At least until I visit, that is myconclusion. If I find it to be a hugely transformativepsychological experience, I will of course share that.In the meanwhile, at as enter 2023, there are not enoughHouses of Rage for all the world’s angry people — evenassuming they work to deal with anger. Instead, let’s tryhelping each other understand our anger and our sharedconcerns about our world and its changes. And, if we ownanger, we are better able to deal with this powerfulemotion that is omnipresent.Instead of Houses of Rage, perhaps we need Houses ofCalm — where we can help each other re-regulate.Problem: there isn’t a commercial venture in that is there?Well, perhaps wellness spas and the like for the wealthy.Perhaps peace places for all. Query: if we can’tcommercialize it, will there be uptake. Just asking.My Planned Visit ONCE WE KNOWANGER’S CAUSEOR CAUSES, WECAN START TOFIND STRATEGIESTO AMELIORATE IT. Authentic Insider | Page 26

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“One of the best guides tohow to be self-loving is togive ourselves the love weare often dreaming aboutreceiving from others.” - Bell HooksAuthentic Insider | Page 27

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he experience of sexual betrayal trauma canhave profound and lasting effects on sexuality. Ioften hear women say, “Well, after he cheated, Ino longer wanted to have sex with him.” Or “Idon’t know if I will ever feel safe enough to havesex with someone again.’I just want to normalize that when you’veexperienced sexual betrayal, of course you havemixed feelings about sex. It wasn’t just your heartthat was broken. Your trust, and your body’sability to trust the person who’s betrayed you hasbeen damaged.How your libido responds is one symptom ofsexual betrayal trauma. Your body is in cahootswith this very old part of the brain that signalsfight, flight, or freeze.So, when you are in this vulnerable place ofthinking about being sexual, your brain and yournervous system are like, “Threat! Danger, Danger,Danger! We could get hurt!” That threat can showup in our bodies in the fight, flight and freezemodel of response: Fight — They start to touch you and you feel angryFlight — In the middle of having sex, your body is like“Oh my God, I’ve got to get out of here.”Freeze — You just shut down. You could either beavoiding sex entirely OR you could be having sex withthis person, even though your body doesn’t really wantto.Here’s the thing: when you do that, when you forceyourself to go through having sex when you don’t feelsafe, you’re actually sending signals to your body not totrust you.At the other end of the spectrum are the women whobecome hypersexual. They want more sex and it canshow up as this territorial type of thing, “He’s mine.”They want to stake their claim on their man. It can alsoshow up as retaliatory as in, “I’ll show him by having anaffair, too!”All these responses are completely normal responses tosexual betrayal trauma.These are ways that your body and your nervousSEXUALITYAFTER BETRAYAL TRAUMARECLAIMING OURBy Jenni Rochelle, Relationship ExpertTAuthentic Insider | Page 28

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system are trying to protect you. There is nojudgment for any of this behavior. Give yourselfso much grace, no matter how you show up afteryour trauma.Remember that this is just one season in yourjourney towards sexual healing, which we movethrough by learning to trust ourselves again.Given everything that happened in our lastrelationship, how can we ever learn to trustourselves again? Let me break it down for you.1. You keep your sexual boundaries. As women,we aren’t taught to keep boundaries. We’retaught to make concessions. Boundaries arethere to keep you safe, and your most importantboundaries are the ones we have for ourselves.Only you know what you need to feel safe.Honoring our boundaries is how you teachyourself that you are trustworthy. 2. You use your voice during sex. Using yourvoice is how you set and maintain yourboundaries. The most basic step of voicingboundaries is to say no when you want to say noand yes when you want to say yes! 3. You trust your intuition. Trust your intuition.It’s made up of the Holy Trinity of Brain, Heart,and Guts. If any of these triplets are indisagreement, you’ll feel it as a sense ofuneasiness during sex. Learn to take heed of theunease and you’ll be able to trust the feelingwhen your intuition rings out in harmony.Remember that this is justone season in your journeytowards sexual healing, whichwe move through by learningto trust ourselves again. Authentic Insider | Page 29

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Set your boundaries.Use your voice.Trust your intuition.Honor your body. 4. You listen to your body. Body is differentfrom intuition, although they can worktogether. As you begin being intimate withsomeone, take notice of whether your body isexpanding, softening, and open to receiving – orcontracting, pulling back, or stiffening. Whenyou pay attention to the subtle signals yourbody is throwing out, you’ll learn to trustyourself again. How you move through it is to learn to trustyourself again, and to set sexual boundarieswith your partner that allow your body andyour nervous system to feel honored in themoment.Slowly and with so much self-compassion, youWILL trust yourself again.When you pay attention tothe subtle signals yourbody is throwing out,you’ll learn to trustyourself again.Jenni Rochelle is a coach, mentor, and the go-toexpert on love and relationships for women whodon’t want to give up on love.Inspired by her clients and informed by her ownjourney, Jenni teaches women how to movethrough trauma and break old patterns so theycan stop the cycle of toxic relationships andcreate the happiest and healthiest intimateconnections of their lives.ABOUT THE AUTHORAuthentic Insider | Page 30

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“The hardest challenge is to beyourself in a world where everyone istrying to make you be somebody else.”- E. E. CummingsAuthentic Insider | Page 31

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S= Surrender the burden and blocks of your past to make room for the new.E= Examine your habits and thought patterns to identify what is not serving you.Imagine 8 days and 7 nights where every need will be met from the moment you arrive on Costa Rican soil until the time you leave. Included 3 healthy, locally sourced meals/day by a world-classchef; daily workshops including sound healing, breath work, and Cacao ceremony, sunset walks, and more!M A R C H 1 1 - 1 8 , 2 0 2 3R= Relax and unwind from demands of daily life surrounded by natural beauty with nourishing food and ample periods of rest and play.N O S A R A , C O S T A R I C AT= Transform your life so you can show up feeling connected and joyful in your most important relationships every day.Healing the Heart RETREATIs your heart longing for relief from chronic stress?Is everyday life too much to handle?Have you forgotten how to listen to the wisdom of your heart? R E G I S T E R N O W !

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“Until you valueyourself, you won’tvalue your time. Untilyou value your time, youwill not do anythingwith it.” - M. Scott PeckAuthentic Insider | Page 33

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Let's talk about perfectionismand how to unlock ourselvesfrom it's grips. Art Processtalking next steps while demoldingmy pieces from thelast videoHealing throughthe ArtsAuthentic Insider | Page 39 with Cali BinstockPERFECTIONISMREVEALING MY RESIN PIECES PERFECTIONISM + RESIN

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Authentic Insider | Page 35 PERFECTIONISM + RESIN

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February is often describedas the month of love, but nolove is greater than the loveyou have for yourself.Because as Rupi Kaur says,"The way you love yourself ishow you teach others to love you." Here are some tunesthat can bring confidence andself-love “Pushover” - Etta James“I Will Survive“ - Gloria Gaynor“Good Thing” - Zedd and Kehlani“Love Yourself” - Justin Bieber“Who Says” - Selena Gomez“Scars to Your Beautiful” - Alessia Cara“Born This Way” - Lady Gaga“Love Myself” - Hailee Steinfeld“Epiphany” - Seokjin BTS“Good as Hell” - Lizzo“Feeling Myself” - Nicki Minaj“Beautiful” - Christina Aguilera“Sexy and I know it” - LMAO“Stronger” - Kelly Clarkson “Roar” - Katy Perry“Firework” - Katy Perry“Victoria Secret” - JaxAuthentic Insider | Page 36 SELF-LOVE PLAYLIST

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Told with Todd Parr's signature wit and wisdom, It's Okay toBe Different cleverly delivers the important messages ofacceptance, understanding, and confidence in an accessible,child-friendly format. It's Okay to be Different is designed toencourage early literacy, enhance emotional development,celebrate multiculturalism and diversity, and promotecharacter growth.Martin Luther King, Jr., was one of the most influential andgifted speakers of all time. Doreen Rappaport uses quotes fromsome of his most beloved speeches to tell the story of his lifeand his work in a simple, direct way. Bryan Collier's stunningcollage art combines remarkable watercolor paintings withvibrant patterns and textures. A timeline and a list ofadditional books and web sites help make this a standoutbiography of Dr. King.*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to and affiliated sites.Authentic Insider | Page 37Meet an incredible woman who broke down barriersthroughout her whole life and is now known as one of themost preeminent painters of the 20th century. Told from thepoint of view of young Alma Thomas, readers can followalong as she grows into her discovery of the life-changingpower of art.

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New York Times bestselling writer Gay writes this story of the complex relationshipbetween food, bodies, appearance, and health. She examines her life fromchildhood to adulthood, and evaluates the impact of a terrible act of violencethat changed her life forever. With this memoir, Gay tells a story of invisibility in themidst of a society that too often judges a person’s worth based on his or her size.Memoirs to read during Black History Month (for adults)As the son of a black African father and white American mother, Obamaspeaks of a divided inheritance. Dreams From My Father begins when he learnsthat he has lost his father in an automobile accident. In Obama’s journey ofreconciling both his identity and estrangement from his father, the readerwitnesses the struggles and strength of a man on his way to becomingAmerica’s first Black president.First Lady Michelle Obama, who grew up on the South Side of Chicago, reflectsin her bestselling memoir on the events and people that influenced herjourney. Following her life from her career as an attorney, to her earlyrelationship with her husband, to her commitment to young women and girls’social causes while living in the White House, the reader gains insight fromexamining a life amazingly well-lived.*I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means to earn fees by linking to and affiliated sites.Authentic Insider | Page 38

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For the month of February, many of you who have been working hard, pursuing goals, and keeping the faith will see thefulfillment of wishes come true. You will find happiness in seeing your hopes and dreams manifest. There are a lot of you who have been patiently waiting for certain things to manifest, but you’re getting tired. You want toact now, and I feel the timing is right. I have a sense that the divine universe will be intervening.Regarding relationships, I see some who are overcoming emotional loss and an ending of some sort. Looks like a finaldecision has been made about a foundation or a marriage. A few of you are thinking about moving, traveling, and orrelocating to start a new life. While others are focused on stability and maintaining a foundation. This is great because itwill improve your confidence and the way you relate to others.Healthwise, I understand that many have been under the weather or are dealing with depression, stress, and anxiety. It willget better in due time.For relationships there may be a lack of communication. Others just need to open up to one another and let go of prideand ego. Certain couples may be going through a divorce. For those who are doing well within their relationship, you maystill want to better yourself/your family during the new year & beyond. Workwise, you need to have faith in yourself and your dreams. It's never too late. There’s a need to let go of the negativethoughts or behavior and balance spirituality and practicality. Remember luck is on your side. This is the time to look at thebigger picture. Whoever is reading this, there is a win-win outcome in the forecast for a situation you’re dealing with. For finances and career, there is a need to detox friendships, as there could be some people around you that you think areyour friends but are not. They could be blocking blessings and abundance for you. Remember that positivity and faith willhelp your finances. If you really want to accelerate your success, try visualization techniques from the law of attraction.This is the time to find quiet time to retreat.Hope this is helpful. If you want to learn more or if this resonates, book a reading with me today. Thank for you time andhave a great day and month ahead. Monthly Collective ReadingsMonthly Collective Readings for All Signsfor All Signswith Joy Larkin (February 1, 2023 - February 28, 2023) Joy is a Narcissistic AbuseSurvivor who has made it her life'swork to help others through lifecoaching. She is also a healer,earth angel and psychic medium.If you would like coaching servicesfrom Joy and/or get your ownpersonal reading, please scan thebarcode below with yoursmartphone camera.READINGSPersonalINFOCoachingAuthentic Insider | Page 39