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2 DREAMS

ILENE SEGALOVE 21ST CENTURY BOOKS BY ILENE SEGALOVE 3 Dreams 61 Dreams 42 Dreams Mom Dad 2 DREAMS Stumbling Blocks Careers Who is the Gas Man 1 DIGG I N G D RE AM WITH D E A N M A RTI N 2 SH O PPI N G D RE AM WITH TO M TH E S TR A N G E R I S EDITIONS MMXXI

COPYRIGHT 2022 BY ILENE SEGALOVE ISBN 978 099999 9 9 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED How lucky can one guy be I kissed her and she kissed me Like the fella once said Ain t that a kick in the head Sammy Cahn 1960

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Who Is The Gas Man THERE ARE APPARENTLY FOUR KINDS of men living inside of me at this very moment It is high noon and the gas man is also inside well he s inside of my house checking for a leak I am reviewing my notes from the most recent session I had with Dr O my Jungian ally and sometime therapist The psyche is real and it houses many energetic patterns I jotted down The animus is the four forked male energy living inside of all women This collective is a kind of animated medium made up of many personifications Apparently there is the Tarzan guy the Don Juan dude the professor and the spiritual guide These guys somehow connect the ego with the unconscious I m already rolling my eyes in my head and I m sure I smell gas So the animus shows up in dreams as men All kinds of men Over the years my dreams have been filled with so many At night with eyes 9

closed this collective has expanded to include Paul Rudd Dean Martin Joaquin Phoenix Bob Dylan Artie Shaw Frank Zappa the Dalai Lama John Lennon Steve Carrell and J F K to name just a few And yes they are almost always celebrities Every now and then a stranger named Tom appears I don t recognize the Tarzan guy in the mix although I d like to think Dean Martin might suffice I figure Paul Rudd could be the romantic and Bob Dylan the professor Certainly The Dalai Lama is the spiritual guide although in the main dream I had about him I was invited to his tent to perform oral sex Dr O suggests I interact with these male energetic entities Dialogue Your job is to unite your conscious and unconscious Chat plead beg direct Inhabit a kind of intermediary state Confabulate Confab Into thin air I ask It s not so thin Write type record a voice memo This is important stuff Take a stand Lean into your animus Tell him what you want Inwardly he leads to the great Mysteries He needs you too by the way Without you he has no gig He doesn t exist Dr O is perpetually patient So again the gas man is here I smell a rat or something in the basement He zips into my house holding a shiny meter with a gold wavy hose that looks like a magic wand A caduceus Good afternoon He is tall and speaks in a very low voice What do you want me to check on I invite him down to the basement and notice printed on the back of his sweatshirt in large block letters the words So Cal Gas Artemis The gas man inspects my water heater my washer and dryer and I don t know what else You got off the hook on this one he smiles as he comes back upstairs and hands me a bright pink hazardous warning slip Am I in trouble Your dryer door doesn t shut properly Could be dangerous But it s common Just make sure it s sealed when you use it Don t let your clothes get caught in the wheel of necessity I am careful Maybe too careful he says as he hands me the slip It is covered with a dense list of potential gasey problems Do not use until corrected it screams in bold type on the upper left hand corner I always shut the door tightly I add Good to do I shined my light on the closure and it doesn t appear to be invoking any problems 10 11

at the moment It s easy to see what I m looking for even though it s often invisible Suddenly the unexpected and incredible seem to belong to this world and yet another Who talks like this I still need to report you to the powers that be But you don t need to do anything out of the superordinary he whispers By the way are you Artemis I ask I noticed Oh no the gas man laughs My brother had this sweatshirt made for me His name is Ishtar and he always gets a lot of static female goddess name and all Anyhow I m not Artemis I m no goddess I m your gas man I m Gerald 12

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D R E A M 1 DIGGING DREAM WITH DEAN MARTIN I DREAM I AM WATCHING AN OLD black and white Ed Sullivan show It s being transmitted on a tiny 5 inchacross TV set from 1952 housed inside of an oversized wooden piece of furniture Ed introduces an anonymous someone and then I see a large group of men dressed in suits and hats with their backs turned to the camera I think it is a scene celebrating the end of World War II One man stands out He wears no hat and spins around to face directly into the camera And with a huge welcoming grin waves Seemingly at me It s Dean Martin 17

FIRST DREAM CONFAB Me Hello Dean It was great to see you wave with your usual colorful exuberance I really felt fired up by your animated and generous smile Dean Hello Ilene I was looking for you in the crowd I adore you and want you to know it Me But you don t even know me Dean I know you Logic and reason are frauds Me Am I under siege Dean You just think you re shrinking He sings You re nobody til somebody loves you Me Well Dr O said I m supposed to engage with you Tell you what I want This is uncomfortable but as he said If you don t have choice you have compulsion Dean you have such a warm voice And your face glows in the sunshine Me What pleases me is your hand to hold You stroking my forehead at dusk Being told it s all really okay Taking a slow walk Picking me up in a cool car and taking me somewhere I ve never been Treating me to a meal at a place I never knew existed Making me laugh Holding me close Lying together in the afternoon Cooking me a meal Simple pleasures Is this too long of a list Dean I can do all of it without any effort I want to please you Me I love your male vibe your energy both soothes and excites me I need to feel more alive I am alone Now you have appeared Dr O said Give him focus You are my animus The male entity inside of me that can be helpful or a burden So Dean Yes Go on I won t bite I ll shine a light Dean Grazie bella signora Me When I lie down in bed tonight be close Protect me Soothe me But inspire me Tell me that I am precious and you will watch over me Me So to be direct I want to see more of you I Dean Yes I will do that tonight Dean How so Me It s a beginning I may ask more of you every day need your kind of heat delight connection Dean Yes And I will follow I need you for my 18 19

very existence for it is only in you that I can dwell I need you to see the light I shed He beings to sing Like the fella keeps saying Ain t that a kick in the head My head keeps spinning I go to sleep and keep on grinning If this is just the beginning My Life is gonna be beautiful Dean reaches into his pocket and pulls out a black zephyr fedora waves it in the air and then suddently he d decked out in a black tux and offers me a gold gullion in the shape of a pretzel He bites into it and grins SECOND DREAM CONFAB Me Dean Dr O suggests I dig deeper I m not good at digging Can you help I need to get to the Mystery so that I can live with more courage Life is supposed to be a thrilling adventure Dean Let s dig together Side by side You are alone and I don t like it It isn t good for you You implode I am with you so you are really in great company if I don t say so myself I will sing and look ruddy and handsome and will smile into your heart The King of Cool is with you now This isn t just any dream Me But I feel old and unappealing How do I live in this new geography The landscape is familiar but did you say dream What am I doing here Dean Go down inside instead of wide And have more play Buy a new sports car Things are opening up for you my dear girl Get a poodle Everything is right at your feet Me Oh Dean What does digging look like I feel so frightened so unprepared So vulnerable And so disinterested Lazy Dean Think about digging What tools do 20 21

you need Come on Let me throw my light somewhere I don t want to light up a bad mood Me Ok I need a magical shovel that can break the ground apart without breaking our backs I need a big flashlight and perhaps some kind of vacuum to pull discoveries out of the ground and a large safe to store them in I have no clue what there might be to discover at this point Dean Easy Me Dr O just said break on through to the other side I ve never tried But I will take an irrevocable stand whatever that is and trust you I truly long for that I m so tired of just me me me It s Dean and me Not Dean and Jerry anymore Now I m your girl And then he holds up this electric knife my dad used to slice turkey with on the holidays What is the meaning of these things Dean Look I found this He holds up a small fleshy pink colored nose clip from my older sister She wore it when she went in the swimming pool long long ago I never asked her about it but it was another thing that was creepy to me about her odd taste in things 22 23

Me Are they useful for me to grasp I ll hold them and see I realize you are a kind of crucial bridge to my unconscious I need you So I must need these things too Tell me about them Dean The pink plastic nose clip represents you thinking you needed to protect yourself from water and although it wasn t yours you saw it as a safety net You never used one Never even thought about it But now it represents your vulnerability How is that helpful Me I know I m vulnerable I m scared half the time I ll take it Ok What do you want me to do with it What do you want to do with it I want to toss it far away cut those beautiful perfect slices of white meat I loved turkey and this made it even better What should I do with it Dean You decide Me I m going to use it to cut into the ground to make multiple incisions I know there is something I m supposed to dig for and this might be the right tool How about you doing that Dean You are stronger Me Okay This is a weird thing Dad used to Dean digs and cuts and in no time he pulls out a dead rubber chicken by its neck and a jester s stick and ball Now what s that for I hold them in each hand Two sides of a coin How is this helpful Obviously my panic is the chicken The stick and ball perhaps humor and confidence I take the stick and ball and shove it down the rubber chicken s throat A kind of sick sculpture I need to meld these together I cannot be flapping from one to the other It is too much suffering too scary too unstable I cannot count on myself divided I take the stuffed chicken and have Dean dig a hole with the electric knife and bury it Cover 24 25 I toss it and it explodes and shatters Pink confetti I hated that thing Just like I hated the smell of my sister s hairspray and makeup All of her girl crap was revolting Dean Now take the electric knife

it with soft dirt Smooth it out It disappears Back to the earth to enrich the soil and to meld opposites A good deed perhaps Dr O always told me Dig deeper There s water down there And that s good news THIRD DREAM CONFAB Me Dean I m exhausted and am almost disinterested but my heart is beating so I am still alive There is isolation a pandemic kids deliver food wearing masks and gloves I m in a dangerous vulnerable demographic My house feels empty but soon many may live here I am overwhelmed to the point of fainting on an hourly basis I wash my hands so much they hurt One false move No one on board No real friends nearby I m alone Dean I m here Not in flesh but in imagination an active place a better place You can t solve a problem in the imagination with thinking Me Dr O wants me to work harder and stop complaining Let s dig What tools do you have if we dig in the dark Let s dig tonight Dean I have cigarettes and cigarette lighters and tuxedos and a pile of old jokes Me How can they be useful Dean Let s laugh so hard we break into a secret passage so we don t have to dig Let s laugh into a warm kidney shaped swimming pool We just need to find the place to laugh 26 27

Me I m not laughing yet but I ll stand next to you while you laugh You always look so happy Let s dive into that well No more questions Play your hunch Dean Well I read a lot of comic books at night I never went out with Jerry and his pals Me Dean where should we go to laugh Dean Let s go up to Painted Cave Let s get to the end of the trail way up there and I know we ll find not only a cave obviously but a well Follow me Look over there There s a sign We re here Ok let s hit it Me Dean it s behind a tall fence But the gate is Dean and I dive into the well and at the bottom are warm sweet scented waters and ease and sunshine No not really There is no water Me What should we do Maybe this is a real open Why is it open dead end Dean Slow down Everything is right at your Dean I ll sing like a glorious incantation feet You re going in a hundred different directions at once Look at your feet Me They re still here But I m wearing metal knee boots Is this armor Is this life s thrilling adventure Truly it s not something I d do I d make excuses now In the past I d just go I was on fire Now well now I m in armor But then in the next breath I feel like a piece of fruit on the ground that is about to be trampled instead of picked up and What happened Dean You ve been in incubation But come on 28 When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that s amore And then it will rain And then there will be water And then you can laugh at last and cry more water and we can go deep deep together Bells will ring Ting a ling a ling ting a ling a ling And you ll sing vita bella Hearts will play Tippy tippy tay tippy tippy tay Like a gay tarantella 29

That s not how this ends Somehow Dean runs into Jerry and they have a spat and Ilene stands there holding that rubber chicken and jester pole and nothing makes sense But what do you expect when you have a dream and then locate the character in the dream and engage with him who is not Me Dean why did you want to end up here at the end of the road in an empty well What does this all mean I don t understand Dean I want you to see the Dead End sign and in your contrarian fashion say No way Do not agree You are disagreeable so often A charming quality Me But lately I want it to be over I can t take it much anymore I m old I have little to offer And the world is diseased and being dismantled I wonder what Hunter Thompson would say about this Dean A well A well well well Let s get you well 30

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D R E A M 2 SHOPPING DREAM WITH TOM THE STRANGER I DREAM I AM IN A DEPARTMENT store or hotel or at a fashion show with my mom and her friend A guy named Tom shows up He doesn t seem to fit into the scene Tom is tall slim and wears glasses Somehow he spots me and invites me to come over I leave my mom and her friend to talk to him at a funky barn nearby It seems like it houses a kind of factory for oil production I peek into the place through a glass window and see an assembly line with baskets for oil stacked high Or at least I think it is oil I notice yellowed calendars with faded photographs of Jello molds and 35

hors d oeuvres hanging on the wall Tom works there He tells me he sleeps there sometimes too Tom is a working guy but also a scientist of sorts I ask Isn t it cold in there He says no I tell him I slept in a barn and it was freezing inside and I needed to get heating pads and blankets to survive He smiles Tom seems interested in me He tells me he put up 1000 to improve an old video I made years ago On a recent viewing I had noticed it looked better but I couldn t figure out why Then he said he had something for me He reached into his black jeans back pocket and handed me a tiny crown shaped golden ring It had a shiny diamond set right in the center It looked too small but when I put it on my left ring finger it slid on just right He said he d meet me the next day I asked him What can I and what can t I do What are the rules now Tom wouldn t say 36 FIRST DREAM CONFAB Me Tom what s this ring about Tom I want you to buy yourself a ring Something that means something Me I don t like rings I m not a jewelry person Tom Go to Tiffany s at the mall Me Seriously I ve never been there Tom Look in all of the cases I ll help you Get a ring all decked out inside of one of their signature turquoise boxes tied with a white satin ribbon You need something from the other side That s the only rule We re in a kind of fairy tale together What is it going to take to win your cooperation Me This is out of my realm And why do you know a thing about Tiffany s Tom Let s turn arsenic into cognac Fine spirits we are 37

the store The real store I know that for a fact Tom is pushy Check out the one with the two T s Tom is vain Hmm The two T s are cool I actually like the ring I have no idea why Maybe the diamond one Mother of pearl What is a mother of pearl I don t understand And what color gold Too many choices I speak out loud to the well lit air around me What color gold White yellow rose Tom Rose gold No question Me Isn t that too girly Like too pinkish TIFFANY S DREAM CONFAB Tom It will melt right into the color of your flesh I actually go into Tiffany s It s a great place So well lit Everything glistens even the security guard I scrutinize the cases Nothing appeals I don t like jewelry Well maybe turquoise but I have a turquoise ring I already don t wear I hear Tom s voice Which do you like I think None Which ring do you like he asks again I don t see one that looks like the one in the dream No rings in the shape of a crown Tom is in the air or in my head I m not sure I am in A young handsome sales person named Edison offers me a fancy glass of soda and then displays 3 rings all laid out on a black velvet tray White gold Yellow gold Rose gold Their glows combined are blinding but when I try them on they are all way too small I have working hands My DNA comes from eons of root pullers And yet the rose gold is rather compelling I m leaning toward pink Edison then sizes me with various pseudorings and says I am a 6 5 They don t have any 38 39

of the 2 T s in that size in the store Good I can leave Then Edison looks deeply into my eyes Which of the 2 T s do you love Have you fallen in love with the turquoise the diamonds the mother of pearl the combos I can tell you are leaning toward one I think the diamond mother of pearl combo I reply with shocking confidence I ve never bought any jewelry this expensive Edison orders me my size and I can hear Tom somewhere exhaling Who is running this show Am I finally listening to my gut my inner inklings my animus I return in one week dragging my heels a bit It s there Waiting for me Two T s But it is in white gold Still shiny diamonds and mother of pearl I speak into the air again Don t you think it is too bright I slip it on I like it Tom This is almost perfect How does it feel To be chosen To relax in that choice Those T s are great T for Time well spent T for Take it in T for Try relaxing and without too much control T for Tom But wait for the rose gold That will cap it off Me Wow This is all so new How can I T for Tom I will prove my worth You will feel more courageous settled and happy with me on board Me I don t know what to say I ve been missing you but I didn t know it I m so glad you showed up Do you need anything from me Tom You ve been running around like a shy animal at once fascinated and frightened always in flight and yet steadily drawing nearer I want a promise Me And Tom Don t forget me I may transform Recognize me I ll keep you safe and filled with well being I promise Now buy the ring The rose gold diamond and mother of pearl ring arrives in my mailbox in the signature turquoise Tiffany box tied perfectly with a white satin ribbon I open it up as if someone is proposing to me and I try it on I like it I really like it What did Dr O say The psyche knows what it s doing even when consciousness is blind Trust you 40 41

Tom Notice 3 more things but more deeply Connect the dots Tell me about them I want you to talk to me Your Self looks like a suction cup of family crap They turned off your light Turn your light back on Me I hear you and I can do that robotically but what am I really doing Tom Learn from strangeness You are looking out to look in I m here inside waiting to see what you see Cooperate with me Stop expecting a formula Me Well then help me right now to bring a useful image from my unconscious I m so confused Tom How is a ham and cheese and lettuce SECOND DREAM CONFAB Me Tom what you are telling me isn t always useful I love your words but I don t know how to relax That doesn t work for me Tom Well I mean refocus The stakes are sandwich Me What Tom Yes You may wonder why I brought that image up It is hiding the next one Me So what is the image of the sandwich about getting higher Now what do you see Tom It s genuine Me I see my two feet I see some Post its I see a Me The lettuce is itchy but a complete meal flashlight I see 42 Clean nice shapes Cut in half Two triangles Satisfying Fulfilling A sandwich is a way to 43

cooperate How can a sandwich be a good way to cooperate Me So just stand up to you for you Tom It s something unadorned Nutritious No nearby filler More feeler Tom Ask out loud Pen and paper or phone Me Like Tom Tom show up for me Please show up for me And make me remember THIRD DREAM CONFAB Me Tom I need to talk Are you around Me And if I just see a sandwich instead of you Tom Take a bite Tom Yes Me Can you show up in my dreams more often Tom Yes I did last night I was one of the guys named John you used to live with I was looking down your blouse Me That was you I pulled my shirt open for you You peeked Tom Yes Thank you Me Why did I wake up so scared so agitated this morning Why am I so worried Tom Ask me to show up again tonight Remember I need you too Without you I m not anywhere 44 45

ILENE SEGALOVE is a conceptually driven T Y P E S E T I N M I N I O N A N D I NTE RS TATE multi media artist who bounces between multiple platforms From photographic and D R E A M S D R AWI N G S C O N C E P T video narratives to audio commentaries for BY I L E N E S EGA L OV E NPR from academia as professor and mentor to book editor and writing consultant she is also the author of numerous quirky books Her work is collected by many noteworthy institutions including The MET MOMA The Getty LACMA The Hammer and MOCA Segalove lives in Santa Barbara California with infinite succulents and no living pets BOOK DESIGN BY J O H N BA L K WI L L MMXXII