Sometimes as moms, seeing our children fighting can really drain us. Day after day, having to witness our children bickering back and forth, constantly, can put a dampening on our spirits! In this e-book, Lynn discusses ways to help parents remain sane enough to help their children when in those little nasty brawls! She walks parents through how to help their children have healthy relationships that flourish.

SiblingRivalry

&

WaystoCombat

Them

the Right

Way!

Homeschooling2thePromisedLand

Table of Contents

Some of Our Children's Fights Are Really Normal

Normal Vs. Abnormal

Verbal

Physical

Non-verbal

A Dangerous Knock-out

How to handle our children when they are not getting

along

the intuitive listener

"My intuition isn't working right now, what's

next?"

8 Ways Being Led by the Spirit of God Can Help us

Another Free E-Book!

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©2016 All Rights Reserved

Whenthinkingofsiblingrivalryalotoftimesas

parentswesay,"Oh,it’scompletelynormalforchildren

togothroughthis”andtobehonestwithyou,itis,for

themostpart.Imean,showmetwoormorekidslet

alonewhoareconstantlyaroundeachotherwhodon’t

fightandIwilltellyouthis…let’strade!Justkidding.Of

course,IlovethelittlebundlesofjoytheLordhas

givenmeandIwouldnevertradethemfortheworld!

But,mostofusknowthatitiscompletelynormalto

seeourchildrenfightattimes.Infact,itisactuallya

goodsignthattheydosometimesbecauseitshows

thattheyloveeachotherandhowpassionatetheyare

aboutcertainthingsinlife.Which,hereiswhere

wewouldbegintoseemoreofourchild’spersonality

beingbuiltaswe,asparents,canusetheseas

opportunitiestobuildcharacter.So,ifyouareaparent

andyouareconcernedaboutyourchildrensometimes

fightingwitheachotherorbickeringatanormalpace,

trustme,it’shealthy!

Some of our children’s fights are really normal

Page1

 

Now,Iwanttogooversomeexamplesofhowa

normalrelationshipmaylookbetweenkidsaswell

asthenotsonormalones.Yes,Iwanttoputsome

ofyouparentsateasewhoarestillconcernedwith

thisanddesperateforanswers.Soholdtight,Iwill

notleaveyouuntilyouhaveacomplete

understandingonthissubject.So,whenlookingat

ourchildren’sfightsyouwillusuallyseethemfall

intooneormoreofthreecategories:verbal,

physical,andnon-verbal.

Normal vs. Abnormal

Page2

Verbalfightsaremoreaboutname-calling,tattling,

andthearguingandbickeringbackandforth.These

canbeyourmorenormalpettyfights,whichwitha

littleguidanceandcorrectioncanbefixedmore

easily.I’mgoingtogiveyouafewbibleexamplesif

that’sokaybecauseIliketousetheBiblewhichis

theBESTroadmapofcharacterandtonsofother

things.

Okay,thefirstexampleIwanttogiveisthe

relationshipbetweenAndrewandhisbrotherSimon

(whomtheycalledPeter).Andrew,beingthefirst

onetofollowJesus,wassoexcitedabouthis

relationshipwithJesusthatheimmediatelyranto

tellhisbrotheraboutHim,andinturn,Peterbegan

tofollowHim,too!We’veallhadthesemoments,

someofusfewertimesthanothers,wherebrotherly

loveisjustabeautifulthing.

Verbal

Hereiswherewe’dliketowishallofourmothering

daystobethisway,ourchildrenjustlookingoutfor

eachotherandeverythingworkingoutfineand

dandy!This,Ibelieveissafetosay,ishowwe

perceiveAndrewandhisbrotherSimonPetertobe,

withallthathasbeenwrittenaboutthemandtheir

relationship.Seemsprettyhealthyhere,right?

Butthen,therearethosemomentswhenshifts

happeninourchildren’srelationship.We’releft

wonderingifweevenmotheredthelittlerugrats

standingbeforeuswhenwebegintohearverbal

fightsalongthelinesofthis:"No,“I'llgetthelast

piece,giveithere!”…“I"mtellingonyou,

stupid!"…"Mommaaaay!”Thenwebeginhavingthose

momentswherewearewantingtocrawlintothe

bedanddisappear,orevenbetter,torunawaytoa

faroffcountry!Butyet,wehavetodealwiththis.

Andnotbyanychance,takeitlightly!

Relationshipsbetweenourchildren,althoughfairly

normalatthislevel,canyetgrowintobecoming

somethingawfulanddangerous,ifleft

unaddressed.UsingtherelationshipbetweenJames

andJohnfromthebible,whowerealsoknownas

the"sonsofthunder”,carriedabitofhostilitywithin

theirrelationshipduetotheirupbringing.Remember

thesefellowsfromthestoryoftheirmother

confrontingJesus,askingifoneofhersonscould

sitontheleftofJesusandtheotherontheright?

(Matt.20:20-23)

Page3

Hereisaperfectexampleofchildrenwhoarebeing

raisedtohaveacompetitivespirittowardeach

other.Hereisalsowhatitlookslikewhenparents

donothavetheupperhanddealingwithrivalry

betweensiblings.Justimaginingtheconversation

betweenthetwoboys,itmayhavesounded

somethinglikethis:“Jesusmustlovemebetter,

thisiswhyI’msittingontheright-sideofHim!”

…andtheother…"Sowhat,theleftisbetterifyouask

me,youtroll!”

Thereyouhavegrownmenfightingfortitlesand

positioninthekingdomofGod,whichisabsolutely

ridiculous!Andguesswhat?Theirnamederived

fromtheirfather,beingfullofthunder!Inanother

scripture,ittalkedabouthowthesebrotherswanted

tobringdownfirefromHeavenonpeoplewhowere

opposingthem.Yikes!(Luke9:54)Thisisagood

exampleshowingyouwhattheyweretaughtat

home.

Page4

Physical

Takingthisastepfurther,whenweleaveour

children’sfightswitheachotherunaddressed,never

givingthemtheproperwaysofhandlingconflict,it

willcontinuetogrowandcanprogressinto

becomingphysical.CanyouimaginehowCainand

Abel’srelationshipprogressed?Idonotbelieveit

startedoffonthewrongfootfromthebeginning.

Mostlikely,therelationshipCainhadwithhis

brotherwasaprogressiveprocessofunkind

behavior,whetherverbally,physically,ornon-

verbally.

 

Youcan’thelpbutaskyourself,whereweretheir

parentsinallofthis?Weretheyawareoftheissues

Cainhadinhishearttowardhisbrother?I’dliketo

believe,AdamandEveeitherweren’tawareatallor

theywereawareandjustneverdealtwiththe

situationathand,therightway!Because,hadthey

reallydealtwiththesituationCainhadwithhis

brother,murdercould’vebeenprevented!

Don’tthinkforoneminutethatyoursonpullinga

plugoutofyourdaughter’shairisjusthowtheyare!

"Thisishowtheycommunicatewitheachother

whenthey’reangry”,onemaysay.Thisisnotthe

properwaytocommunicateasadults,letalone,

children!Childrenarechildren,theyneedtobe

taughttheproperwaysofdealingwithlifeandthe

peopleinit.

Itwasnevermeantforchildrentofindtheirown

way.Oh,howitkillsmewhenIhearparentsdefend

this!We,asparents,havearesponsibilitytoourlittle

ones,andwhenwearenotproperlytakingcareof

themaswe’resupposedto,thingshappen.Thisis

whyItellpeople,itissuchawonderfuljobtohave

asbeingaparent,butitsucks,too!Themany

decisionswehavetomakewhenitcomestothemis

crazyandscary!

Page5

 

Okay,sothelasttypeofscufflechildrenmayhave

amongsttheirsiblingsisthemosttraumatic,the

non-verbal.This,tome,isonethatcanbeveryhard

todetectbetweenkids.Sometimesourchildrenare

hurtinginternallyconcerningtheirrelationshipwith

theirsiblings.Therearetimeschildrenmaynot

openlyexpresshowtheyfeeltowardoneanother

andthiscanalsodependonachild’spersonality.

Ihaveoneofthesetypechildrenwho,becauseof

theloveandguidancehe’sreceivingathome,was

abletogofromhavingapassive-aggressive

personality,tonowandslowlybutsurely,is

becomingamoreassertivepersoneachday.I

willtalkmoreaboutthisinanotherbookonthe

differenttypesofbehaviorsourchildrencan

possessduetotheirpersonalities,butfirst,itis

pertinentthatImakeapointusingtheinformation

abouthowpersonalitycandeterminehowour

childrendealwithrelationships.

Sousingoneofmyownsonsasanexample,and

beforehishealingbegantotakeplace,hewasone

totrulyholdagrudge!Hehadthetypeofmentality,

he’sgoingtogetyoubackandnothingisgoingto

stophim.Onewayoranother,he’sgettingyou!

Whenoneormoreofhissiblingswouldoffendhim,

hewouldsaywhathehadtosayandevenactasif

he’dletitgo,buthedidn’t.

Page6

Non-verbal

 

Wewouldknowthiswhenhisactionstowardthem

becameaggressiveduringwhatwassupposedtobe

theirnormalplaytime.Anormalpatonthebackwas

anicevigorouspunchandalandingontheground

somewhereforthem.Wewouldoftentellhimhow

forcefulhewasconcerninghissiblingsashecould

notunderstandwhywesawitthewaywedidwhen

pointingitouttohim.

Thiswouldcausemetofeelsodisheartened

becauseIknewsomethingwasn’tright.Asmostof

usmomsdo,I’dbeganfeelingguiltyasifitwas

somethingIwasdoingtocausehisbehaviortobe

thiswayandItriedeverythingIcouldtosoothehim

orsnaphimoutofthiswildbehaviorthatwasso

difficultforhimtosee.NothingIdidworked!SoI'd

begantodowhatIshould’vedonefromthe

beginning,praytotheLordaboutit.Itwasthenthat

theLordbegantoshowmyhusbandandmethe

rootcauseandhowtodealwithit.

Page7

 

Thiswayofhavingfightswithsiblingsisthemost

deadlyofthemallbecause,asparents,weeasily

lookatourchildren’sfightsforwhattheyare,aswe

SEEthem,ofcourse.Fightingnon-verballyisnot

alwaysaseasytodetectbecausethisdealswith

relationalissueswithintheheart,theonesthatwill

havesiblingsnotspeakingtoeachotherforyearsor

everagain,insomeworsecases.Trustme,I’veseen

thiswithinmyownfamily!BeingthatI’veseenit

before,Iknowtotrywitheverythinginmeto

preventourchildrenfromgoingdownthatpath

themselves.

Thisbringstomindanothersiblingrelationshipfrom

thebible,Josephandhisbrothers(Genesis37).This

wasarelationshipalmostsimilartoCainandAbel

becauseofthepresenceofjealousyandenvy,as

thiswasalsopresentwithintherelationshipwith

JamesandJohn,thesonsofthunder,andtonsof

othersiblingrelationshipsinthebible!

Joseph’sfatherhadaspecialloveinhisheartfor

Joseph.HavingJoseph,wasabreathoffreshairdue

tohimhavingthissoninhisoldage,sothiscaused

Jacob’sloveforJosephtobeabitdifferentthanthe

lovehehadforhisothersons.Sadlytosay,because

ofthelovehisfatherhadforhim,thiscausedhis

brotherstoenvyhimtothepointofcontemplating

killinghim!

Page8

A dangerous knock-out!

 

ThankGodforoneofthebrotherswhostoodupto

saythiswasabadidea,eventhoughhewasyetan

accomplicetohavingJosephbeingsoldandsent

away.Hisbrotherswereevenwillingtolietotheir

father,causinghimtofeelJosephhadbeen

attackedandkilledastheykeptthislieformany

years!

Thisishowourchildren’srelationshipscangrow

intobecomingwhennotdealingwithourchildren’s

fightsproperly.Whatmaystartoffassimplename-

callingandbickeringbackandforthcanleadtothe

deathofarelationship.Orbetteryet,lotsof

relationshipscanbecomedamaged,becausewehurt

behindourchildren’sfights,too,especiallyhavingto

dealwiththeminthisfashion!

Page9

Now,Iwanttotakethetimetodiscussthe

ultimatewayofhandlingourchildren’sfights.Iwish

IcouldtellyouthatIhavewrittenastep-by-step

guideofhowtohandlethembutIcan’t.Even

thoughIamcompletelycapableofdoingthis,you

havetonsofinformationinpsychologymagazines

andonlinesourcesyoucoulduseforthat!But,I

wanttogiveyouadifferentapproach.Doyouwant

toknowwhy?Itisbecausethisisanapproachthat

manyhouseholdshavestrayedawayfromorsimply

donotusetodayasweoncedidyearsago.

So,whatisit?

Theveryfirstthingweshouldalldoasparentsisto

beledbythespiritofGodwithhowweattemptto

helpourchildrendealwiththeirrelationshipwith

theirsibling(s)!

Page10

How To Handle Our Children When They’re Not Getting Along

 

The Intuitive Listener

Youknow,oneofthethingsasamom,Iamso

gratefulthattheLordhasgiventomeis,intuition!

Theabilitytoseeorknowwhensomethingjustisn’t

right.Iamabletofeelthisgutfeelingwithalotof

situationsinlife,butit’ssuregoodtoknowIcan

sometimesrelyonthisinhandlingmychildren’s

fightswhenIneedto.ThisissomethingtheLord

hasblessedusalltohaveashumanbeings,

thankfully!

 

But,whathappenswhenintuitionisn’tkickingin

becausemommaybeabitofftrackfromhavingso

muchgoingonaroundher?Whathappens

when"Mr.Intuition”isn’tmuchreliable?What

shouldyoudo?Hereiswhereourrelationshipwith

theLordcomesin.Whenwearespendingnormal,

consistenttimewithourHeavenlyFather,asthe

parentofchildren,Heistheretohelpuseverystep

oftheway!

RelationshipwithGodgoesbeyondmereintuition,

buttheLordisabletoleadandguideusintowhat

isimportanttodealwith.Justtogiveyouan

example,awhileback,whenmostofmychildren

wereinpublicschool,oneofmysonswasplaying

onasoccerteam.Withthisson,soccerwasn’tjust

soccertohim,itmeantsomuchmore…hesawthings

asrightisrightandwrongiswrong,withnoin-

betweens!Hewasn’ttookeen,asmostchildren

aren’t,withcheating!Hisreactionwasabittoo

passionatewhenhewouldcatchsomeonecheating

inthegame.

MyhusbandandIquicklylaugheditoff,thinking

thathewasaverycompetitivepersonwhenitcame

tosports.Wehonestlydidn’tthinkanythingofit

becausesportsissuchacompetitivegame,Imean,

whowouldn’tgetangryifsomeoneispurposefully

cheatingjusttowin?

Page11

“My intuition isn’t working right now, what’s next?”

Wespokewithoursonaboutwaystohandlehis

competitivenessandwhattodowhenhecatches

someonecheating.Ireallythoughtwe’dgotten

throughtohim.Well,thenexttimehewenttoplay,

whichIwasnotpresent,hehadgottenhimselfinto

anotherbrawlandhewasfighting!

WhenIheardthenews,theLordquicklybegan

speakingtome,asHesoftlyinstructedmetopay

closeattentiontothisareaandtoinvestigatethis

carefully.AsIheardtheLordsaythistome,inmy

mind,Ididn’tseeanythingwrongwiththissituation,

butthesimplefactthatmysondidn’tlistentowhat

wetoldhimtodo.Man,Iwassoupsetwithhim!

But,IamsogladIdecidedtoheedthevoiceofthe

Lord!Whenquestioningtheparentsthatwere

aroundbeforethefighthappened,thereweretwo

adultswhoweretold,atdifferenttimes,bymyson,

thathewasbeingpickedon.Neitheronelistened!

Oneoftheadultsadvisedhimtogobackandplay

andshequicklypassedthesituationofftoanother

teacherwhocametofillinforher.Theotherone

justdidn’tlistenatall!So,longstoryshort,theguy

mysonwasfightingendedupwithabigknotonhis

head.Trustme,thebullyinghadbeengoingonfora

whilebeforeitallstartedtocomeout!Thiswasthe

dayIdecidedtohomeschoolmychildrenasthe

Lordhadbeenshowingmetodosothatwhole

schoolyearandIdidn’tlisten.

Page12

Thisiswhatitlookslikewhenbeingledbythespirit

ofGod.SimplyallowingtheLordtoleadyoutowhat

isimportanttodealwith.Sometimes,thethingsthe

Lordmaybringuphasnothingtodowithourchildren,

buthewantstoshowuswaystoimproveourselves.

GodknowsthatifHecouldgetusasparentstogetin

place,wewouldteachourchildrentodothesame

becausewelovethem.

Now,youdidn’tthinkIwouldcompletelyleaveyou

hangingwithoutgivingyousomewaystohelpcombat

thosenastylittlequarrelsfromyourchildren,didyou?

Infact,I’velistedeightforyoubecauseIloveyouoh,

sodearly!

Page13

 

BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldletusknow

thatweshouldn’tshowfavoritismtowardourkids,

whichisasuregoodwaytocausechaosinour

children’srelationshipswitheachother.

BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldshowushow

NOTtobepartialinjudgmentwhenhandlingour

children’sfights,aswewouldknowtoattentively

hearbothorallsides.

BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldgiveus

wisdomonwhentodealwithsituationsthatneed

ourattentionnow,versuslater.

BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldshowuswhen

weneedtoallowourchildrentoworksituationsin

theirrelationshipoutontheirownwithoutourhelp.

BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldhelpusto

becomelivingexamplesforourchildren,with

showingthemhowtodealwithlife,aswellasthe

relationshipsinit.

BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldshowus

creativewaystogetthroughtoourchildreneven

whenwedon’tunderstandhowtoreachthemwhen

attemptingtocorrectthem.

BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldshowushow

tocreativelyelevateourchildrenintheirindividual

talentsandgifts,togivethemtheconfidencethey

needasindividuals,sothatthey,inturn,canhave

healthyrelationships.

BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,willletusknowwhich

boxingglovestousewhenappropriate.(An

explanationofthisisinmye-book,"8Waysto

CombatOurChildren'sFights&WhyTheyAre

Important")

Page14

8 Ways Being Led by the Spirit of God Can Help Us Combat Our

Children’s Fights!

Page15

Another Free E-book!

Formoreinformation,visit:

http://www.whyyoushouldnthomeschool.com/single-

post/2016/08/05/8-Ways-to-Combat-Our-Childrens-

Fights-Why-Theyre-Important