Sometimes as moms, seeing our children fighting can really drain us. Day after day, having to witness our children bickering back and forth, constantly, can put a dampening on our spirits! In this e-book, Lynn discusses ways to help parents remain sane enough to help their children when in those little nasty brawls! She walks parents through how to help their children have healthy relationships that flourish.

SiblingRivalry
&
WaystoCombat
Them
the Right
Way!
Homeschooling2thePromisedLand
Table of Contents
Some of Our Children's Fights Are Really Normal
Normal Vs. Abnormal
Verbal
Physical
Non-verbal
A Dangerous Knock-out
How to handle our children when they are not getting
along
the intuitive listener
"My intuition isn't working right now, what's
next?"
8 Ways Being Led by the Spirit of God Can Help us
Another Free E-Book!
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©2016 All Rights Reserved
Whenthinkingofsiblingrivalryalotoftimesas
parentswesay,"Oh,it’scompletelynormalforchildren
togothroughthis”andtobehonestwithyou,itis,for
themostpart.Imean,showmetwoormorekidslet
alonewhoareconstantlyaroundeachotherwhodon’t
fightandIwilltellyouthis…let’strade!Justkidding.Of
course,IlovethelittlebundlesofjoytheLordhas
givenmeandIwouldnevertradethemfortheworld!
But,mostofusknowthatitiscompletelynormalto
seeourchildrenfightattimes.Infact,itisactuallya
goodsignthattheydosometimesbecauseitshows
thattheyloveeachotherandhowpassionatetheyare
aboutcertainthingsinlife.Which,hereiswhere
wewouldbegintoseemoreofourchild’spersonality
beingbuiltaswe,asparents,canusetheseas
opportunitiestobuildcharacter.So,ifyouareaparent
andyouareconcernedaboutyourchildrensometimes
fightingwitheachotherorbickeringatanormalpace,
trustme,it’shealthy!
Some of our children’s fights are really normal
Page1
 
Now,Iwanttogooversomeexamplesofhowa
normalrelationshipmaylookbetweenkidsaswell
asthenotsonormalones.Yes,Iwanttoputsome
ofyouparentsateasewhoarestillconcernedwith
thisanddesperateforanswers.Soholdtight,Iwill
notleaveyouuntilyouhaveacomplete
understandingonthissubject.So,whenlookingat
ourchildren’sfightsyouwillusuallyseethemfall
intooneormoreofthreecategories:verbal,
physical,andnon-verbal.
Normal vs. Abnormal
Page2
Verbalfightsaremoreaboutname-calling,tattling,
andthearguingandbickeringbackandforth.These
canbeyourmorenormalpettyfights,whichwitha
littleguidanceandcorrectioncanbefixedmore
easily.I’mgoingtogiveyouafewbibleexamplesif
that’sokaybecauseIliketousetheBiblewhichis
theBESTroadmapofcharacterandtonsofother
things.
Okay,thefirstexampleIwanttogiveisthe
relationshipbetweenAndrewandhisbrotherSimon
(whomtheycalledPeter).Andrew,beingthefirst
onetofollowJesus,wassoexcitedabouthis
relationshipwithJesusthatheimmediatelyranto
tellhisbrotheraboutHim,andinturn,Peterbegan
tofollowHim,too!We’veallhadthesemoments,
someofusfewertimesthanothers,wherebrotherly
loveisjustabeautifulthing.
Verbal
Hereiswherewe’dliketowishallofourmothering
daystobethisway,ourchildrenjustlookingoutfor
eachotherandeverythingworkingoutfineand
dandy!This,Ibelieveissafetosay,ishowwe
perceiveAndrewandhisbrotherSimonPetertobe,
withallthathasbeenwrittenaboutthemandtheir
relationship.Seemsprettyhealthyhere,right?
Butthen,therearethosemomentswhenshifts
happeninourchildren’srelationship.We’releft
wonderingifweevenmotheredthelittlerugrats
standingbeforeuswhenwebegintohearverbal
fightsalongthelinesofthis:"No,“I'llgetthelast
piece,giveithere!”…“I"mtellingonyou,
stupid!"…"Mommaaaay!”Thenwebeginhavingthose
momentswherewearewantingtocrawlintothe
bedanddisappear,orevenbetter,torunawaytoa
faroffcountry!Butyet,wehavetodealwiththis.
Andnotbyanychance,takeitlightly!
Relationshipsbetweenourchildren,althoughfairly
normalatthislevel,canyetgrowintobecoming
somethingawfulanddangerous,ifleft
unaddressed.UsingtherelationshipbetweenJames
andJohnfromthebible,whowerealsoknownas
the"sonsofthunder”,carriedabitofhostilitywithin
theirrelationshipduetotheirupbringing.Remember
thesefellowsfromthestoryoftheirmother
confrontingJesus,askingifoneofhersonscould
sitontheleftofJesusandtheotherontheright?
(Matt.20:20-23)
Page3
Hereisaperfectexampleofchildrenwhoarebeing
raisedtohaveacompetitivespirittowardeach
other.Hereisalsowhatitlookslikewhenparents
donothavetheupperhanddealingwithrivalry
betweensiblings.Justimaginingtheconversation
betweenthetwoboys,itmayhavesounded
somethinglikethis:“Jesusmustlovemebetter,
thisiswhyI’msittingontheright-sideofHim!”
…andtheother…"Sowhat,theleftisbetterifyouask
me,youtroll!”
Thereyouhavegrownmenfightingfortitlesand
positioninthekingdomofGod,whichisabsolutely
ridiculous!Andguesswhat?Theirnamederived
fromtheirfather,beingfullofthunder!Inanother
scripture,ittalkedabouthowthesebrotherswanted
tobringdownfirefromHeavenonpeoplewhowere
opposingthem.Yikes!(Luke9:54)Thisisagood
exampleshowingyouwhattheyweretaughtat
home.
Page4
Physical
Takingthisastepfurther,whenweleaveour
children’sfightswitheachotherunaddressed,never
givingthemtheproperwaysofhandlingconflict,it
willcontinuetogrowandcanprogressinto
becomingphysical.CanyouimaginehowCainand
Abel’srelationshipprogressed?Idonotbelieveit
startedoffonthewrongfootfromthebeginning.
Mostlikely,therelationshipCainhadwithhis
brotherwasaprogressiveprocessofunkind
behavior,whetherverbally,physically,ornon-
verbally.
 
Youcan’thelpbutaskyourself,whereweretheir
parentsinallofthis?Weretheyawareoftheissues
Cainhadinhishearttowardhisbrother?I’dliketo
believe,AdamandEveeitherweren’tawareatallor
theywereawareandjustneverdealtwiththe
situationathand,therightway!Because,hadthey
reallydealtwiththesituationCainhadwithhis
brother,murdercould’vebeenprevented!
Don’tthinkforoneminutethatyoursonpullinga
plugoutofyourdaughter’shairisjusthowtheyare!
"Thisishowtheycommunicatewitheachother
whenthey’reangry”,onemaysay.Thisisnotthe
properwaytocommunicateasadults,letalone,
children!Childrenarechildren,theyneedtobe
taughttheproperwaysofdealingwithlifeandthe
peopleinit.
Itwasnevermeantforchildrentofindtheirown
way.Oh,howitkillsmewhenIhearparentsdefend
this!We,asparents,havearesponsibilitytoourlittle
ones,andwhenwearenotproperlytakingcareof
themaswe’resupposedto,thingshappen.Thisis
whyItellpeople,itissuchawonderfuljobtohave
asbeingaparent,butitsucks,too!Themany
decisionswehavetomakewhenitcomestothemis
crazyandscary!
Page5
 
Okay,sothelasttypeofscufflechildrenmayhave
amongsttheirsiblingsisthemosttraumatic,the
non-verbal.This,tome,isonethatcanbeveryhard
todetectbetweenkids.Sometimesourchildrenare
hurtinginternallyconcerningtheirrelationshipwith
theirsiblings.Therearetimeschildrenmaynot
openlyexpresshowtheyfeeltowardoneanother
andthiscanalsodependonachild’spersonality.
Ihaveoneofthesetypechildrenwho,becauseof
theloveandguidancehe’sreceivingathome,was
abletogofromhavingapassive-aggressive
personality,tonowandslowlybutsurely,is
becomingamoreassertivepersoneachday.I
willtalkmoreaboutthisinanotherbookonthe
differenttypesofbehaviorsourchildrencan
possessduetotheirpersonalities,butfirst,itis
pertinentthatImakeapointusingtheinformation
abouthowpersonalitycandeterminehowour
childrendealwithrelationships.
Sousingoneofmyownsonsasanexample,and
beforehishealingbegantotakeplace,hewasone
totrulyholdagrudge!Hehadthetypeofmentality,
he’sgoingtogetyoubackandnothingisgoingto
stophim.Onewayoranother,he’sgettingyou!
Whenoneormoreofhissiblingswouldoffendhim,
hewouldsaywhathehadtosayandevenactasif
he’dletitgo,buthedidn’t.
Page6
Non-verbal
 
Wewouldknowthiswhenhisactionstowardthem
becameaggressiveduringwhatwassupposedtobe
theirnormalplaytime.Anormalpatonthebackwas
anicevigorouspunchandalandingontheground
somewhereforthem.Wewouldoftentellhimhow
forcefulhewasconcerninghissiblingsashecould
notunderstandwhywesawitthewaywedidwhen
pointingitouttohim.
Thiswouldcausemetofeelsodisheartened
becauseIknewsomethingwasn’tright.Asmostof
usmomsdo,I’dbeganfeelingguiltyasifitwas
somethingIwasdoingtocausehisbehaviortobe
thiswayandItriedeverythingIcouldtosoothehim
orsnaphimoutofthiswildbehaviorthatwasso
difficultforhimtosee.NothingIdidworked!SoI'd
begantodowhatIshould’vedonefromthe
beginning,praytotheLordaboutit.Itwasthenthat
theLordbegantoshowmyhusbandandmethe
rootcauseandhowtodealwithit.
Page7
 
Thiswayofhavingfightswithsiblingsisthemost
deadlyofthemallbecause,asparents,weeasily
lookatourchildren’sfightsforwhattheyare,aswe
SEEthem,ofcourse.Fightingnon-verballyisnot
alwaysaseasytodetectbecausethisdealswith
relationalissueswithintheheart,theonesthatwill
havesiblingsnotspeakingtoeachotherforyearsor
everagain,insomeworsecases.Trustme,I’veseen
thiswithinmyownfamily!BeingthatI’veseenit
before,Iknowtotrywitheverythinginmeto
preventourchildrenfromgoingdownthatpath
themselves.
Thisbringstomindanothersiblingrelationshipfrom
thebible,Josephandhisbrothers(Genesis37).This
wasarelationshipalmostsimilartoCainandAbel
becauseofthepresenceofjealousyandenvy,as
thiswasalsopresentwithintherelationshipwith
JamesandJohn,thesonsofthunder,andtonsof
othersiblingrelationshipsinthebible!
Joseph’sfatherhadaspecialloveinhisheartfor
Joseph.HavingJoseph,wasabreathoffreshairdue
tohimhavingthissoninhisoldage,sothiscaused
Jacob’sloveforJosephtobeabitdifferentthanthe
lovehehadforhisothersons.Sadlytosay,because
ofthelovehisfatherhadforhim,thiscausedhis
brotherstoenvyhimtothepointofcontemplating
killinghim!
Page8
A dangerous knock-out!
 
ThankGodforoneofthebrotherswhostoodupto
saythiswasabadidea,eventhoughhewasyetan
accomplicetohavingJosephbeingsoldandsent
away.Hisbrotherswereevenwillingtolietotheir
father,causinghimtofeelJosephhadbeen
attackedandkilledastheykeptthislieformany
years!
Thisishowourchildren’srelationshipscangrow
intobecomingwhennotdealingwithourchildren’s
fightsproperly.Whatmaystartoffassimplename-
callingandbickeringbackandforthcanleadtothe
deathofarelationship.Orbetteryet,lotsof
relationshipscanbecomedamaged,becausewehurt
behindourchildren’sfights,too,especiallyhavingto
dealwiththeminthisfashion!
Page9
Now,Iwanttotakethetimetodiscussthe
ultimatewayofhandlingourchildren’sfights.Iwish
IcouldtellyouthatIhavewrittenastep-by-step
guideofhowtohandlethembutIcan’t.Even
thoughIamcompletelycapableofdoingthis,you
havetonsofinformationinpsychologymagazines
andonlinesourcesyoucoulduseforthat!But,I
wanttogiveyouadifferentapproach.Doyouwant
toknowwhy?Itisbecausethisisanapproachthat
manyhouseholdshavestrayedawayfromorsimply
donotusetodayasweoncedidyearsago.
So,whatisit?
Theveryfirstthingweshouldalldoasparentsisto
beledbythespiritofGodwithhowweattemptto
helpourchildrendealwiththeirrelationshipwith
theirsibling(s)!
Page10
How To Handle Our Children When They’re Not Getting Along
 
The Intuitive Listener
Youknow,oneofthethingsasamom,Iamso
gratefulthattheLordhasgiventomeis,intuition!
Theabilitytoseeorknowwhensomethingjustisn’t
right.Iamabletofeelthisgutfeelingwithalotof
situationsinlife,butit’ssuregoodtoknowIcan
sometimesrelyonthisinhandlingmychildren’s
fightswhenIneedto.ThisissomethingtheLord
hasblessedusalltohaveashumanbeings,
thankfully!
 
But,whathappenswhenintuitionisn’tkickingin
becausemommaybeabitofftrackfromhavingso
muchgoingonaroundher?Whathappens
when"Mr.Intuition”isn’tmuchreliable?What
shouldyoudo?Hereiswhereourrelationshipwith
theLordcomesin.Whenwearespendingnormal,
consistenttimewithourHeavenlyFather,asthe
parentofchildren,Heistheretohelpuseverystep
oftheway!
RelationshipwithGodgoesbeyondmereintuition,
buttheLordisabletoleadandguideusintowhat
isimportanttodealwith.Justtogiveyouan
example,awhileback,whenmostofmychildren
wereinpublicschool,oneofmysonswasplaying
onasoccerteam.Withthisson,soccerwasn’tjust
soccertohim,itmeantsomuchmore…hesawthings
asrightisrightandwrongiswrong,withnoin-
betweens!Hewasn’ttookeen,asmostchildren
aren’t,withcheating!Hisreactionwasabittoo
passionatewhenhewouldcatchsomeonecheating
inthegame.
MyhusbandandIquicklylaugheditoff,thinking
thathewasaverycompetitivepersonwhenitcame
tosports.Wehonestlydidn’tthinkanythingofit
becausesportsissuchacompetitivegame,Imean,
whowouldn’tgetangryifsomeoneispurposefully
cheatingjusttowin?
Page11
“My intuition isn’t working right now, what’s next?”
Wespokewithoursonaboutwaystohandlehis
competitivenessandwhattodowhenhecatches
someonecheating.Ireallythoughtwe’dgotten
throughtohim.Well,thenexttimehewenttoplay,
whichIwasnotpresent,hehadgottenhimselfinto
anotherbrawlandhewasfighting!
WhenIheardthenews,theLordquicklybegan
speakingtome,asHesoftlyinstructedmetopay
closeattentiontothisareaandtoinvestigatethis
carefully.AsIheardtheLordsaythistome,inmy
mind,Ididn’tseeanythingwrongwiththissituation,
butthesimplefactthatmysondidn’tlistentowhat
wetoldhimtodo.Man,Iwassoupsetwithhim!
But,IamsogladIdecidedtoheedthevoiceofthe
Lord!Whenquestioningtheparentsthatwere
aroundbeforethefighthappened,thereweretwo
adultswhoweretold,atdifferenttimes,bymyson,
thathewasbeingpickedon.Neitheronelistened!
Oneoftheadultsadvisedhimtogobackandplay
andshequicklypassedthesituationofftoanother
teacherwhocametofillinforher.Theotherone
justdidn’tlistenatall!So,longstoryshort,theguy
mysonwasfightingendedupwithabigknotonhis
head.Trustme,thebullyinghadbeengoingonfora
whilebeforeitallstartedtocomeout!Thiswasthe
dayIdecidedtohomeschoolmychildrenasthe
Lordhadbeenshowingmetodosothatwhole
schoolyearandIdidn’tlisten.
Page12
Thisiswhatitlookslikewhenbeingledbythespirit
ofGod.SimplyallowingtheLordtoleadyoutowhat
isimportanttodealwith.Sometimes,thethingsthe
Lordmaybringuphasnothingtodowithourchildren,
buthewantstoshowuswaystoimproveourselves.
GodknowsthatifHecouldgetusasparentstogetin
place,wewouldteachourchildrentodothesame
becausewelovethem.
Now,youdidn’tthinkIwouldcompletelyleaveyou
hangingwithoutgivingyousomewaystohelpcombat
thosenastylittlequarrelsfromyourchildren,didyou?
Infact,I’velistedeightforyoubecauseIloveyouoh,
sodearly!
Page13
 
BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldletusknow
thatweshouldn’tshowfavoritismtowardourkids,
whichisasuregoodwaytocausechaosinour
children’srelationshipswitheachother.
BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldshowushow
NOTtobepartialinjudgmentwhenhandlingour
children’sfights,aswewouldknowtoattentively
hearbothorallsides.
BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldgiveus
wisdomonwhentodealwithsituationsthatneed
ourattentionnow,versuslater.
BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldshowuswhen
weneedtoallowourchildrentoworksituationsin
theirrelationshipoutontheirownwithoutourhelp.
BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldhelpusto
becomelivingexamplesforourchildren,with
showingthemhowtodealwithlife,aswellasthe
relationshipsinit.
BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldshowus
creativewaystogetthroughtoourchildreneven
whenwedon’tunderstandhowtoreachthemwhen
attemptingtocorrectthem.
BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,wouldshowushow
tocreativelyelevateourchildrenintheirindividual
talentsandgifts,togivethemtheconfidencethey
needasindividuals,sothatthey,inturn,canhave
healthyrelationships.
BeingledbytheSpiritofGod,willletusknowwhich
boxingglovestousewhenappropriate.(An
explanationofthisisinmye-book,"8Waysto
CombatOurChildren'sFights&WhyTheyAre
Important")
Page14
8 Ways Being Led by the Spirit of God Can Help Us Combat Our
Children’s Fights!