simplebooklet thumbnail

The book answers the various questions related to life, career and relationships from the viewpoint of young generation.

Life lessons by iitian

Shivank Goel

Dedicated to my parents...

 

 

1) How to stop being insecure?

 

2) How to stop keep holding the past?

 

3) Why people behave irrationally inspite of our best efforts?

 

4) What is desire?

 

5) How to deal with mistakes?

 

6) How to reach our goals?

 

7) How to bring balance in life?

 

8) How to love your job?

 

9) How to choose an ideal career?

 

10) How to remove fear from life?

 

11) How to live the life to the fullest?

 

12) What is the meaning of life?

 

13) What is our purpose in life? What is our mission?

Index

 

14) Why and how do we exist? Who are we?

 

15) How can we make our life meaningful? 

 

16) How do you know if a relationship is good or bad?

 

17) How to build real and pure relationship with others?

 

18) How to know my partner is loving me 100 percent?

 

19) How to get detached from all relationships?

 

20) What is love?

 

21) What is unconditional love?

 

22) How and why do we fall in love?

 

23) Where can I find him/her?

 

24) How can you get to know him/her?

 

 

Index


Insecurity arises when we believe that there is will be no one to support us or love us in the time of need. More than anything else we all need love. We become confident enough even to overcome hardest times if we have someone to support us. Thats the reason why a baby feels so much secure in his or her mother's lap. To stop feeling insecure we will have to expand our sense of belongingness to the others. We will have to realize that we all are friends here to help each other. Our sense of belongingness expand with knowledge. Knowledge about the world as well as about ourselves. To know about us we must explore how we think, percieve things, behave and react. What are our basic requirements. Knowing ourselves will ultimately help us to better generalize about others because we all are similar at a fundamental level of abstraction.

 

 

1) How to stop being insecure?

Past is the best teacher. We learn a lot from past experiences and mistakes. Holding on past means either we are regreting something a lot or we are feeling excessive nostalgia about something, that we believe no longer exists with us. If we are regreting something then we must realize that instead we should learn from those experiences and apply them to make our present and future beautiful. When we keep on thinking about past we forget to live. Because living always happens in present. If we are feeling nostalgic then we must realize we ourselves are closing doors to feel that happy moments again by not letting go ourselves from thinking about the past. Rather we should work towards a better present and future. And if we will not be happy today then we can never be happy at any instant of time.

2) How to stop keep holding the past?

Because of lack of balance in their life. We all behave irrationally at some point or other in our life. We do weird and sometimes bad things too. We hurt people, get angry, blame unnecessarily etc. But we stop doing such things when we get mature. When we get enlightened to differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate. So if someone is behaving irrationally we should not criticize him or her but should empathise that person. We should understand that some imbalance might be going on in their life and that's why they are reacting in that particular way. To bring balance we should spend some time with ourselves, meditate and spend some quality time in doing things we like and with people whom we love.

3) Why people behave irrationally inspite of our best efforts?

Desire is an emotion of wishing to get something. We all are happiness seeking beings on this planet. Desires arise when we start believing that a particular thing will help us achive that state of happiness. Though we do get happy on getting something. Eg. I usually get happy after eating ice-cream. But simultaneously we should ne get dependent on desires and other things to get happy. Because sometimes we might be able to fulfill them and sometimes not. I may not get an ice-cream in a big desert. Since now we know the cause of desire we must focus on art of being happy without help of any external aid. This art is learnt via meditation, introspection, experience and exploration. As wise men have said, "Happiness is a conscious choce". If you want to be happy you can be at anytime, irrespective of desires you have. The goal is not to get rid of desires but to stop being dependent on them.

4) What is desire?

5) How to deal with mistakes?

 

The best way to deal with mistakes is to learn from them. The word mistake itself means that you mis took that particular situation. With more experience and understanding of it you are now capable of handling it better next time. The problem arises when we start feeling sad or guilty about it. It means you are not giving space to yourself to do mistakes. Learning and growth is not possible without mistakes. You would not have been able to learn to write or speak or done anything if you had no scope of doing mistakes. No one can be perfect all the time. They are integral part of our life. We should learn to forgive ourselves and support ourselves for next trial. If you can forgive yourself you can also forgive any other person in this world for their mistakes. You will become more mature. That's why we always take advise from elders and experienced not only because they have succeeded but because they can guide us through the mistakes they did and help us in not repeating them.

6) How to reach our goals?

 

To reach anywhere we have just one way that is to walk towards it. Same is the case with the goals. You will have to put your efforts forward in achieving them. The road might have many pits and digs, your engine might get overheated but you will not stop if you really want to reach your destination. Similarly despite of hurdles and challenges you will reach your goal if you really want to. Sometimes people get demotivated and take a U-Turn. Because the destination stops seeming worthy to them compared to the inconvinience they might have on rough roads. And thats absolutely fine. We have freedom to choose wherever we want to reach. So its generally advised to ask other travellers about the conditions of the road to the destination before heading towards it. Or if you are an explorer or adventurous person,  or maybe enthusiastic enough you may try heading yourself. Maybe youll reach the goal even if others didn't.

7) How to bring balance in life?

 

 Everything outside us manifests from inside only. So if we are calm, peaceful and balanced from mind and body then all the things that we will do will themselves get balanced. Hence meditation, breathing exercises and yoga play an important part in our lives to bring balance. They help us keep our mind and body healthy, calm and peaceful. They also help us in bringing back the rhythm of our body, breath and mind back to its natural rhythm and in harmony with the nature. They make us feel light and energetic and it helps us to prevent taking wrong decisions that create imbalance in our life. To bring back balance we should first stop worrying about the imbalance and just start working towards bringing things in order with a calm mind. This attitude of continuous calmness and bliss brings perfection in anything that we do and helps to heal utmost deep issues of a human life. So we should try to be calm, happy and meditative to bring and restore balance in our life.

8) How to love your job?

 

 Job forms a great part of our life. If we are pursuing our career in a field that we love then it's not a problem but sometimes we have to develop our love in whatever we are pursuing especially when we don't have much options to change it or switch from it. If we love our job then it can help us achieve great satisfaction in personal lives. To develop our love for the job we must have to stop being a passive participant in it and should start doing it with a feeling. We must try to give our best and increase our expertise in the work we are doing. A constant will power to excel will help us to stay motivated and work enthusiastically in our job. Also if it is possible than we should try to work towards a higher goal than we normally perceive, through our job. For eg. doctors have responsibility for serving the society, teachers have responsibility for the bright future of students and the nation, tech people have responsibility to improve lives of people and make it more comfortable for them and so on. This higher goal will help us feel the importance of our job and build the sense of belongingness to the work which we are doing.

9) How to choose an ideal career?

 

An ideal career must be based upon things that drives you most crazy. Things that you personally feel inspired to work on. Generally its difficult for most people to fully pursue their dreams due to various personal and societal constraints. But there always exists numerous examples of excellence reminding us of the power of doing what we actually love or enjoy. And it might take some time for any individual to figure out what is most exciting for him or her. The best way to figure out this is to just go and explore each and every thing that, you believe, you might be passionate for. And the exploring should not be on passive basis i.e. by surfing on internet etc. You must try to put your legs in the water to really get a sense of it. Once figured out you can work hard in the field to fulfill your dreams. I usually say it to my friends, "Difficult things are worth pursuing if you love them, easy things will become difficult without passion".

10) How to remove fear from life?

 

Fear is very important in life for it prevents us from taking wrong decisions or steps. It also prevents us from repeating mistakes. For eg. we will not put our finger in electric socket due to our fear and that helps us save our life. Fear is created due to the various impressions and experiences that we have developed in our life. They may be personal or inculcated by the society and environment in which we live. But it is also sometimes essential to get rid of unnecessary fear i.e. the wrong impressions which somehow got embedded in our mind. And we can overcome fear easily if we realize the above fact, and if we get a complete knowledge about the thing from which we are fearing. We can't fear known. We can always fear unknown. So best way to remove fear to is to get more exposure, knowledge, wisdom and experience about things  that scare us.

11) How to live the life to the fullest?

 

When we ask many people how their life is going? They reply by saying, "It's just passing away". We must realize life is a precious gift which should not be just passed away. Life is to live and we should try to enjoy each and every part of it. It's like an excellent movie for which you were able to get the ticket after great difficulty. You would obviously not like to miss enjoying any single part of it. Now it doesn't mean that you will not enjoy the part where actor is crying. You will enjoy that part too. Enjoy in the sense that you will empathise the actor and take active participation. Similarly whatever ups and downs come in our life, we should live through them fully. We should not try to escape dark phases. For they have beauty of them own. They make us more mature and experienced. Without them we can't even know the importance of bright phases. So best way to live to the fullest is to start actively observing and participating in each and every part of your life and try to see it's beauty. It's beauty in good times and beauty in bad times. And also the times which are still and calm. For someone has rightly said , tears are as precious and beautiful as diamond.

12) What is the meaning of life?

 

Life is a noun. An object that is difficult to describe by eyes but can be felt through emotions, senses and experiences. Its just like a game whose description can't completely tell what it is unless it is played. Similarly life can't be explained without living it. Just like a game life is a name given to an activity called living. And living is just like playing. Despite of success and failures the whole purpose is to enjoy. To understand life we should learn the rules of this game and after that we must start living. We can't just ask its rules from some another expert and expect to learn the game. We will understand life by playing it ourselves and in that journey we will develop our own experience, expertise, tools, tips and tricks so that we can fully enjoy the game and maybe win in it. And winning in life means that you won over yourself for it was the game with yourself. So in such a game that revolves only around you winning doesn't make much sense. What makes more sense is that how much you enjoyed playing it.

13) What is our purpose in life? What is our mission? 

 

I must say that its an inappropriate question. Because its a highly personalised question. We can't ask "What is our favourite ice-cream flavour". Because it varies from person to person. For a poor beggar may be being able to feed his family is the whole purpose of life. But yeah there are few feelings that are common when we meet our purpose i.e satisfaction and happiness, just like when we hit a goal in a game. As life is a game it depends upon you which role and what position you want to take in it. And the good thing is unlike conventional games like football where roles are limited e.g. goal-keeper, center, forward etc. we can have infinite roles or positions in game of life. And these keep on changing depending upon situations, interests and requirements. And our mission of life is to best-play the role that we are pursuing or want to play at any particular moment of life. We should be happy that we have so much freedom to switch between roles and play what we like.

14) Why and how do we exist? Who are we?

 

Well the simplest and humourous answer would be "Because of our parents". Its a scientifically debatable question. A question which has numerous answers from scientific, religious or spiritual point of views. There exist a consciousness inside us. A conscious thing is something that can become aware of surroundings and as well as respond to it. We are not dead because that consciousness is taking active participation with the surroundings and responding to it. Obviously the body and other physical parts have their role in making us what we are . But still a computer will be very boring without any software. All living things are called so because they have something or other conscious in them. Though we can imagine the construction of our body from the popularly known five elements which are earth,fire,sky,water and air. Its difficult to tell how the consciousness is made. It seems to me to be a well organised accumulation of energies via some techniques and interference in a particular manner which has ability to respond to surroundings in a particular way. And how do those energies get organised decides which living organism we will be turned into. Its something anyone would have to research upon. But I must say even if we knew how we came into existence still it won't change our situation much than as of now. So we should focus more upon that given we exist how can we make our existence more joyful. 

15) How can we make our life meaningful?

 

 

I guess, by meaningful here we want to ask that how to add a sense of purpose to our life. As we said earlier we should take our life as a game and its our freedom to decide which role to play in it. And then fulfilling that role would simply be our purpose. We start loosing meaning in life when we stop enjoying the role we are currently playing. We might also feel life to be meaningless if we are not playing it properly. For eg. cricket would be a boring thing if you start playing without the wickets or pitch or boundary. So to find meaning we have to add all the required ingredients to our life. Only then we will be able to enjoy the juice of the life. And the ingredients depend upon which game you are playing, your role and situations. For someone it might be serving the society, for others it might be music, relationship, career, peace, satisfaction, happiness etc. So to make life meaningful we would have to add missing parts in it.

16) How do you know if a relationship is good or bad? 

 

 No one can answer this question except yourself. We sometimes start expecting too much from the other person that starts creating the doubt whether the relationship is perfect , good, etc. We must understand that there doesn't exist any perfect relationship. Even the most sacred and strong relationships like with your parents, friends and siblings etc. sometimes goes through phase of disagreement. That doesn't mean we stop loving them and start thinking that the relationship is not good. Infact it is said that perfection is hell. We can't enjoy a movie in which there is no climax. Similarly imperfection in relationships helps us build climax in them and make them more beautiful. When all the individuals in a relationship reach a level that these petty botherations doesn't matter anymore then such doubts automatically stop coming. It takes time to reach that level of understanding. It comes through love , compassion and respect not only on a superficial level but on an inner level. Also we should note that we should try expanding our consciousness by spiritual methods that will help us build and spread love and will help in all spheres of life.

17) How to build real and pure relationship with others?

 

 

How can be a relationship called so unless it is real. A relationship either exists or doesn't. If it exists it must be real. Whether you follow the roles of that relationship is a separate thing. To build a real relationship i.e. in which people take active participation you will have to take the lead. You will have to show that you care for people in that relationship. Once others in relationship will realize it they will also start connecting themselves in a real sense to you. It might take some time. Purity in relationship means that though people are taking part in a relationship they should also follow its rules. For Eg. couples are not expected to cheat each other, elders are expected to set examples for and teach good things to juniors etc. A pure relationship develops when all the people become enlightened and mature to play their roles. It comes with time and self-exploration. Till then you can try best to play your part in a pure sense.

18) How to know my partner is loving me 100 percent?

 

  To know that your partner is loving you 100 percent you should build a device that you can put on heads of people and which can tell what are the thoughts going on in their mind. But if you can't you have just one instrument to decide that is your intuition. Sense of trust and faith is very important in relationships. As mentioned earlier no relationship is perfect. If we keep on worrying and questioning the credibility of our partner than it itself shows the lack of love from our side. Because in love their is no place of insecurity. If you love someone you don't doubt him or her. It seems like you want to put a condition that if other person will love me 100 percent than I will think if I have to love him or her or not. Focus on yourself. Love your partner from your side. Their is no such thing as 100 percent in love. Its just a binary thing which either exists or doesn't exist. If your partner loves you he or she will tell you. Love can't be measured for it is infinite.

19) How to get detached from all relationships?

 

 

  Relationships are important part of life. They give us inner strength and support. But we think of getting rid of them when we are not able to handle them. When they start giving us pain. Most pain in relationships occur due to expectations. We expect someone to behave in a particular way and if they doesn't do so we feel hurt. So instead of getting rid of relationships, we should focus on getting rid of our expectations in relationships. We should either learn to accept all people as they are or we should have skills and determination to change the person if we really want that. But after all its very important that we maturely understand the situation of others and accept their natural self whether we like them or not. When we start accepting people a clarity about them starts developing in our mind and which ultimately results in love for them. And that love can have various forms respect, empathy, friendship etc. A mature person loves all the people in this world as they are, because he understands their situations and life history which made them what they are today.

20) What is love?

 

  Love is an emotion that gives us internal peace, joy, happiness and security. If these feelings are not there, then it is not love. These feelings can occur anytime anywhere. We even don't need anyone else to feel love. Love is usually taken something that happens with others. Loving a particular thing means that above feelings arise when we have that thing with us. But experiencing feeling of love without being dependent on any outside thing is the best feeling. Since everything is constantly changing we can never be sure if the thing we love will always be with us. So we should also learn to feel love in absense of outside entities. I say to may friends, "First love yourselves, before loving others", because we can be assured that we will always be with us at any instant of time. We should learn to love everything and everyone in this world including us. Because love is a fundamental feeling that everyone ultimately craves for, above all material things. So we should learn to experience love within us and within each creature on this planet.

21) What is unconditional love?

 

 

  As mentioned earlier love is the king of emotions comprising of peace, joy, happiness and security. Unconditional love means when you are able to experience those emotions without any limitations or boundary. Then that love is unconditional. Those feelings will be there despite of physical, societal or any other factors. This question is usually asked in context of relationships. An unconditional love in relationships is the situation when you are able to feel above emotions irrespective of the response from other person. Your sibling may be mistreating you but you still have that feeling of attachment with him. He is a source of peace, joy or happiness for you. You wish him to grow and prosper in life. This is an example of a state when you are bound to experience love irrespective of anything. Expecting unconditional love from anyone is a foolish thing because, it's like we ourselves are putting a condition for loving that person. Infact love in real sense is always unconditional. There are only two states i.e someone love us or doesn't love us. If love is there it will never care of anything else.

22) How and why do we fall in love?

 

  Who doesn't want peace, security,  joy, happiness, enthusisam, excitement and all other good feelings in their life. Of course everyone does. And that is why we fall in love with people, situations, things or objects. Because they serve as a catalyst to help us in experiencing one or all of the above feelings which come under a common umbrella called love. Its good thing to fall in love. As consciousness expands we start feeling these emotions more and more. A fully conscious person loves everything in this world. People are afraid of falling in love because they think it might hurt , if the person they love doesn't have same feelings. I must say instead of being limited try to love everyone, all the situtations and be mature to accept them as they are. Humourously, I must say such an attitude will also help you lose your fear of being hurt because you will now have so many options to choose from.

23) Where can I find him/her?

 

  Well we are lucky that we haven't yet discovered life on other planets. So that we have finite number of choices amongst the people living on earth to choose from. The question seems to support that we all have exactly one perfect soulmate and we should keep on looking for him or her. Well its not really the case. Nothing so called perfect exists in this world. Imperfection is the driving force of nature. We are privileged to have so many choices to choose our life partners. The question extends to ask that how to choose a good partner. The answer lies in experience. With time you will automatically get to know your innate nature, requirements and needs. Thus self exploration is very important. When you will be able to know yourself you will also be able to become mature enough to decide what is good for you and what is not.

24) How can you get to know him/her?

 

 

  To know anything we have just one tool i.e. time. We would have to spend time with the person we want to know. A person is not just a person. He or she is a complete collection of a lot of experiences over their life. A blend of continuous infinite moments, such that all of them have their own contribution in building what they are as of now; how they look, behave etc. It will take some time to understand them as is the case with anything else. The best way to know someone is to leave the thought that you want to know them and start spending some time with them without intending to know them. You will have to overcome that ice of formality that is initially maintained by everyone, with people whom they don't know. Just be natural yourself and give space to others too for being natural as they are. Don't expect them to behave in a particular way. Let them open naturally. Just participate with them in the things they love to do and in the manner they like. Time and experience are powerful source of knowledge about anything and anyone.

Thank You