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1  I liked hurting girls. Mentally not physically, I never hit a girl in my life. Well once. But that was a mistake. I ll ...
him a faggot. And then when he d head-butt me, I d say,    Call that a head-butt     So the guy would do it again harder. ...
shit like me made me hate them even more than if they   d laughed in my face and walked away. As for looks  I   m nothing ...
wasn t trying to grope them. Sometimes I would. But mostly I d be fairly well behaved. This would go on for a few dates. I...
or even heard her say another word I knew she had it bad. How do I know  I know. There was Jenny. She was the one who thre...
the perpetrator has been through the same experience. Hurt people hurt people more skillfully. An expert heartbreaker know...
Then she said,    Let   s go somewhere else.    That would usually work, too. But I   d decided that tonight it wasn   t g...
   This is what I look like when I   m pretending to be in love with you.    I gazed at her lovingly, but respectfully, th...
   Let me put it another way. Your vagina is baggy   feels overused.    Now we were cooking. Her eyes widened. I saw how s...
   Yes well even so...I   ve done much worse than just have sex with another girl. It   s very bad... Even by my standards...
can use Paul as a messenger if you like. You want to be free, don   t you  Especially after tonight. Yeah, course you do. ...
door open for me. I remember thinking,    The bitch   she hasn   t taken me seriously.    But when I clawed roughly into b...
ablaze, both arms stuck out like I was begging for money from the other would-be patients in the emergency room. And I was...
2.  So now I was ready to pass on my learning to the uninitiated. The unhurt. The innocents. With the girlfriend out of th...
I didn   t know where to start. Teach her some filthy tricks that would sow seeds of doubt in the mind of the groom  For i...
it was because I was unsure of her feelings for me. The truth was less endearing. I was an alcoholic who needed a drink. I...
either passed out on the floor or tucked up at home in their little beds. The music. The brightly lit window. I didn   t h...
endearing. Dancing with a pint of wine in one hand and a joint in the other was mischievous. Before either of us knew it, ...
The spot that the Dub and I occupied was sacred. Right in front of the counter. It was necessary to get there at 3pm in th...
complete bitch, the slight smile on her face meant that I was fucked and my legs were mincemeat. But if she was a nice car...
Dub wanted to get me outside in order to give me a more leisurely pummeling but I simply stepped out of the coat and back ...
grabbed a piece of chicken on the way out. Never saw her again. Next  Catherine had just broken up with her live-in boyfri...
a De La Salle Brother when I was nine. How I   d felt the whole row of desks shaking as he played with his star pupil in t...
off this topic now. I will say this though. Seeds were sown. Maybe this stuff has links to other stuff that happened later...
this other stuff, I was in the Court Arms in Kilkenny. I was leaving with a so-called friend, Lenehan. I was drunk, so was...
worked as hard as I knew how during the day. I suppose I must have been good at it, because I never really found it that h...
ladies working in the agency. He felt sure I   d be popular. Pimp. At the time, though, I was ripe for it. Of course, I lo...
there was the newcomer to think of. A crazy bastard like me heading off to the States for a new career gave the new AA mem...
lying there with his head smashed in. That was the day I stuck my head out the window and called the headhunters. I was af...
to get the bastard finished. In my office on the thirty-second floor of this green-glass skyscraper looking out on the fla...
and resume life and look back on this whole period as an interesting lapse in concentration. Either way, I was looking out...
forced to borrow a lawn mower. American lawns are loaded with social and political meaning. There is a law somewhere that ...
speechless mouth. Then the thanking would start. I represented every postcard, movie or rumour that had ever emanated from...
Anyway, it took almost two years before I got out, but that s not what I want to talk about. I only mention all that stuff...
Anyway as I said, I live in New York now. Much happier, and even though the way I got here wasn t exactly graceful, I love...
True, but something else was going on. How do I know  I don t. I just can t believe that my emotional state could be expla...
around August. My dad has died and now lives in the ground outside Kilkenny in the corner of a churchyard near his own dad...
worthy of mentioning. It even has what we call in advertising a mnemonic.That is to say, it has one memorable thing that y...
handle with both hands and, careful not to spill anything, motioned the steaming pot towards the night. I pushed the door ...
stop saying that. They said that a lot in Minnesota. You-know-what-this and you-know-what-that. To me you-know-what should...
bank. No. Suitably enough, considering the temperature outside, all I succeeded in doing was freezing the loan in its trac...
had really begun to lose it. I still have the photographs somewhere. I needed to keep connected with Europe any way I coul...
real estate agent from one of my AA meetings since I didn t trust the people who sold the house to me. I truly believed my...
But it wouldn   t budge. One night, I returned home after refusing to go to the company Christmas Party. Somehow, they had...
won t pretend I enjoyed it at the time, but sitting here in the East Village, extricating myself from London and moving to...
 3,500 a month mortgage, and no Green Card I needed not to piss anyone off. Jesus, looking back on it, it s even more scar...
some of the stuff I   ve shared with your good selves but in a more general way. I went on to say how I now believed this ...
He loved to brag to his friends about me. He even got a mention as the parent of the wunderkind along with the school I at...
You may still have a long way to go. And although I promised myself I   d be out soon, my cautious side reminded me that I...
have that coveted air-conditioning installed. It wasn t even invented until the 1960s or 1970s. How s that for an accurate...
Flicking it open, she squeezed out the following words in a voice at least three times higher than her IQ,    Hi Jimmy, I ...
week. Basically, I was out of my fucking mind the whole time I was there, and it struck me as a miserable dark and dangero...
the place earlier, but naturally thought she was one of the many assistants photographers seem to need. She was.    Oh tha...
Aisling, that was the Irish girl s name. Yeah, I liked it, too. Gaelic for dream. It s haunted me since. So Aisling left a...
3.  She was about a half hour late, but she looked fucking lovely. Black V-neck sweater, black pants, black shoes. Very Pr...
deflecting compliments of such enormity that I would find myself hating her for her lack of subtlety. Instead, I ended up ...
realized that I must have come off as if I was trying to impress her. I felt tricked into it. I wanted to start the whole ...
about an hour to figure it out. There were a lot of, what appeared to be, very happy middle-aged men with dyed hair, singi...
I was half-standing and leaning across a table with mice circling our feet. But it was nice. I felt all the cobwebs billow...
what  Standing there  So my young girlfriend and I slid past his smiling, in my mind, envious face and strolled to the ele...
easy since it meant I didn   t have to get into any performance issues. What if I came too quickly or couldn   t get it up...
agencies. It   s actually your fault. The Public. And if this never gets published it   s your fault too because it means ...
I was careful not to smile at myself. I want never to be caught smiling at myself in a mirror. It s okay in private. Out f...
disease or other. My future wife   s phone number burned away at my thigh and in the inside of a drawer and a few other pl...
In Minnesota, I d been in a terrible state of mind for almost two years and felt I deserved something good to happen. Havi...
That I was serious. It didn t take long before he asked me in passing whether I d sold my house. I ll never forget the exp...
more worrying, 9 30am in New York. Jesus, my mind would have a fun with that, I can tell you. Not there  Obviously, on her...
voice. And in those rests she took from me, she refueled her fervor to complete what she must have already begun. Here s w...
She went on holidays once with her brother to Mexico. She said she was disgusted by the way the Mexicans looked at her. Bl...
Dublin while we were both home in Ireland over Christmas. I called from St Lacroix and booked a nice room in the Shelbourn...
It was so lovely. I don t even know if it was Grafton Street. It was pedestrian only, the day before Christmas Eve. I ll n...
drank Bacardis and Coke for the rest of the evening, as I downed about five bottles of Bally-fuckinggown water. She must h...
fucked-up voodoo types smothered in chicken s blood. Only this was Dublin. We were a long way from Louisiana now and the d...
faulty intuition paranoia. The night we d met in Dublin she had mentioned that a friend of hers was visiting from New York...
all. She was now the only thing that kept me interested. I hated my big wonderful job. Hated isn t even the right word. It...
On the Sunday night, she left a message saying how she thought it was funny but she was going to be in Miami that Sunday. ...
That was not what I d expected, and it scared me. Wait  There must be a schedule of some kind. An order. A structure she h...
apologetically, proceeds with the knife. His face belying the act he is committing.  In case you are wondering, I m the Am...
He exchanged glances with Aisling. She was smiling. So was I. So was he. I hadn t even noticed that there had been a camer...
city  New York  new job  basically  Killallon Fitzpatrick NY, new assignments. Freaky. Then this. As far as I was concerne...
Number Two supports the artistic coffee book route. In this version she has two friends from Harvard studying publishing, ...
That I was hurting her. That she had to play hard to get. That was what girls had to do. Anyway, I somehow got through ano...
Wednesday. She was working quite hard. I suppose I should ve taken that into account. I was trying to see it from her poin...
partner and even told her where he worked in case she wanted to fuck-him-up.  By the way, I did hear that he d recently vi...
I got there and the event was already up and running. I pushed my way through the impressive crowd of fashionable, comfort...
I bought the tall girl a Bailey   s, and at my instigation, we sat at a little table because I felt so ridiculous looking ...
to have lunch or something, etc   . We ended up meeting for lunch at Cafe Habana on Prince and Elizabeth just around the c...
She was rummaging in her wallet, probably waiting for me to tell her to put it away but on hearing the words  break  and  ...
cross streets, I forget which one, she spun round as if to save me from walking in front of traffic and hit me really hard...
   Why  Because I beat you     By now, I was almost limping. I was mentally and emotionally in tatters. One more blow, and...
Sharon chatted for a while and when I said I was a friend of Aisling, Brazilian Shirt said,  Oh, another one  . I felt odd...
exercising her right as a young chick to flirt on a Friday night in a bar in downtown New York. Sure. But what happened ne...
That clinches it. He s eyeing her like they re going to do it right there and then. You re getting the idea. The only merc...
chat amongst themselves but look over at you and your new friend with unconcealed smirks and the occasional guffaw. You as...
black reads  Through me you enter the city of sorrow Through me you pass to eternal pain Through me you reach the people t...
Now you re frightened. They re pleasant enough, but they re holding you back from going to the toilet. What the fuck is th...
do. You   re smiling. Your smile is saying the very opposite of what it would normally say, too. It s saying,  I m not goi...
He motions for you to raise your arm again. You refuse. He s annoyed now. Things aren t going to plan. He looks over to th...
shielded by shock. You want so much to attack him, but something stops you. You pray. Maybe that did it. Actually, I have ...
delighted at first, and then I was devastated. Great excuse to drink. So I drank. A lot. But while all that booze was goin...
Of course, I don t even know if I ll get someone to publish this, but my hope is that I can get it out and published befor...
taken a drink in just under six years. He was an alcoholic. He shouldn t have been in a bar in the first place. He was liv...
can smell Vodka. He believes he can smell Vodka. The Galway man is looking at them like they   re playing tennis.The Kilke...