THE REALTOR ® PHIELD GUIDE P R A C T I C A L S U R V I VA L F O R R E A L E S TAT E W I L D E R N E S S B Y P HIL DUN P H Y
THE REALTOR     PHIELD GUIDE P R A C T I C A L S U R V I VA L F O R R E A L E S TAT E W I L D E R N E S S  B Y P HIL DUN P...
THIS PHIELD GUIDE BELONGS TO: HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE This Phield Guide is a resource to help members of the NATIONAL ASSOCIATION of REALTORS® better understand their clients, their properties and... themselves. In this guide, you will learn how to: • • • • Properly identify a house Understand the emotions of your home buyer Cut an umbilical cord Tell the difference between a zombie and a really tired person
THIS PHIELD GUIDE BELONGS TO   HOW TO USE THIS GUIDE This Phield Guide is a resource to help members of the NATIONAL ASSOC...
THE REALTOR ® PHIELD GUIDE P R A C T I C A L S U R V I VA L F O R T H E R E A L E S TAT E W I L D E R N E S S REALTOR® is a federally registered collective membership mark that identifies a real estate professional who is a member of the NATIONAL ASSOCIATION of REALTORS® and subscribes to its strict Code of Ethics.
THE REALTOR     PHIELD GUIDE P R A C T I C A L S U R V I VA L F O R T H E R E A L E S TAT E W I L D E R N E S S  REALTOR  ...
While the REALTOR® Phield Guide may be the unofficially official guide of the NATIONAL ASSOCIATION of REALTORS®, the officially official Field Guides can be viewed and downloaded at realtor.org/field-guides. Copyright ©2016 by the NATIONAL ASSOCIATION of REALTORS® www.realtor.com/GetRealtor All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever. Even if you ask super nicely. THE RE ALTOR ® PHIELD GUIDE
While the REALTOR   Phield Guide may be the unofficially official guide of the NATIONAL ASSOCIATION of REALTORS  , the off...
CONTENTS ii FORE WO RD P T . 01 THE BASICS The Cardinal Rule of Real Estate 02 Tools of the Trade 03 Phil’s No-Phail Cookie Recipe 04 Trail Map: Navigating the Ranch 06 PT . 02 THE TERRAIN Trail Map: Navigating the Craftsman Trail Map: Navigating the Victorian 08 Home Buyers: What They Say vs. What They Really Mean 10 Spotting the Emotional State of Your Home Buyer 12 Nature Calls of the 100-Year-Old House 14 How to Deliver a Baby in a Seller’s Walk-In Pantry 16 How to Find & Capture Your Client’s Missing Python 18 How to Conduct an Open House in the Midst of a Zombie Apocalypse 20 PT . 03 READING THE SIGNS PT . 04 SURVIVAL SKILLS 07 22 NOTES PR ACT IC AL SURVI VAL FOR TH E R EAL ES TAT E WI LDERN ESS i
CONTENTS  ii  FORE WO RD  P T . 01  THE BASICS  The Cardinal Rule of Real Estate  02  Tools of the Trade  03  Phil   s No-...
FOREWORD The four words I chose for my foreword are as follows: Velociraptor, robot, ninja, REALTOR.® ii THE REALTOR ® P HIELD GUIDE
FOREWORD  The four words I chose for my foreword are as follows  Velociraptor, robot, ninja, REALTOR.    ii  THE REALTOR  ...
PA R T 0 1 THE BASICS It’s like my college cheer captain always said — “Be prepared. B-E prepared.”
PA R T 0 1  THE BASICS It   s like my college cheer captain always said        Be prepared. B-E prepared.
T H E B AS IC S T H E C A R D I N A L R U L E O F R E A L E S TAT E The number one rule of real estate? Location, location, location. And if that’s hard to remember, try this handy anagram: LOTS OF COMPETITIVE ANTEATERS TELEPORTED INTO OUR NOGGINS, LEARNING OUR CHARACTERISTICS AND TRAITS INSTEAD OF NEW LANGUAGES, OBSTRUCTING CONSCIOUSNESS AND TAPPING INTO OUR NEURONS. 2 TH E R EALTO R ® P HIELD GUIDE
T H E B AS IC S  T H E C A R D I N A L R U L E O F R E A L E S TAT E  The number one rule of real estate  Location, locati...
TH E B ASI CS TOOLS OF THE TRADE Freshly polished REALTOR® pin Copy of the REALTOR® Code of Ethics Clean suit jacket Rain jacket Bedazzled jean jacket Box of shoe covers Set of business cards Fake moustache Set of business cards where you’re wearing the fake moustache Tape measure Bottle of window cleaner Roll of duct tape Cinnamon roll Trustworthy eyebrows A smile PR A C TIC AL SURV IVAL FOR T HE REA L E STAT E WILDERN ESS 3
TH E B ASI CS  TOOLS OF THE TRADE  Freshly polished REALTOR   pin Copy of the REALTOR   Code of Ethics Clean suit jacket R...
T H E B AS IC S P H I L’ S N O - P H A I L C O O K I E R E C I P E A RECIPE SO GOOD, THEY’LL BE SHOUTING OFFERS WITH THEIR MOUTHS FULL. INGREDIENTS: 1 package yellow cake mix ½ cup butter, softened 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips DIRECTIONS: Step 1: Preheat oven to 350o. Step 2: Pour the cake mix into a large bowl. Stir in the butter, eggs and vanilla using a spoon or electric mixer. Using your hands is generally frowned upon. Step 3: Stir in the chocolate chips, but not before you eat a few. You deserve it, champ. Step 4: Bake for 11 to 15 minutes, until the edges are the color of something that’s golden brown. Cool on baking sheets for a few minutes before cooling on wire racks. Step 5: Walk the wire racks around the house to maximize that warm cookie smell. C O O K T I M E : 1 0 M I N . P R E P, 1 5 M I N . C O O K I N G SERVES: MAKES TWO DOZEN COOKIES 4 TH E R EALTO R ® P HIELD GUIDE
T H E B AS IC S  P H I L    S N O - P H A I L C O O K I E R E C I P E A RECIPE SO GOOD, THEY   LL BE SHOUTING OFFERS WITH ...
PA R T 0 2 THE TERRAIN The world of real estate can be rocky. Luckily, everyone looks great in hiking boots.
PA R T 0 2  THE TERRAIN The world of real estate can be rocky. Luckily, everyone looks great in hiking boots.
T H E T ERR AIN T R A I L M A P : N AV I G AT I N G T H E R A N C H A LT I T U D E : O N E S T O R Y D I F F I C U LT Y: E A S Y the scenic route the escape route tight end passing route W H AT Y O U ’ L L S E E : 6 » Asymmetrical floor plan » Above-ground pool » Attached garage » A pink toilet » 8-foot ceilings » A blue toilet » 8 identical houses in the same neighborhood » The exoskeleton of the American Dream TH E R EALTO R ® P HIELD GUIDE
T H E T ERR AIN  T R A I L M A P   N AV I G AT I N G T H E R A N C H A LT I T U D E   O N E S T O R Y  D I F F I C U LT Y ...
TH E TE RR AIN T R A I L M A P : N AV I G AT I N G T H E C R A F T S M A N A LT I T U D E : O N E S T O R Y D I F F I C U LT Y: M O D E R AT E the short route the long route the “I forgot my keys” route W H AT Y O U ’ L L S E E : » Quaint front porch » Useless nook » Low-pitched roof » Another built-in bookcase » Hardwood floors » Are you sure this is the master bedroom? » Built-in bookcase » “Charm” PR AC TIC AL SURV IVAL FOR T HE REA L E STAT E WI LDERN ESS 7
TH E TE RR AIN  T R A I L M A P   N AV I G AT I N G T H E C R A F T S M A N A LT I T U D E   O N E S T O R Y  D I F F I C ...
T H E T ERR AIN T R A I L M A P : N AV I G AT I N G T H E V I C T O R I A N A LT I T U D E : T W O S T O R I E S D I F F I C U LT Y: H A R D the “waiting on clients” route the “is anybody home?” route the ghost route W H AT Y O U ’ L L S E E : 8 » Vibrant exterior colors » Ornate wallpaper » Decorative trim » You call this a closet? » Dramatic staircase » Creepy, dark hallway » Uncomfortable-looking furniture » Ghost of a dead girl TH E R EALTO R ® P HIELD GUIDE
T H E T ERR AIN  T R A I L M A P   N AV I G AT I N G T H E V I C T O R I A N A LT I T U D E   T W O S T O R I E S  D I F F...
PA R T 0 3 READING THE SIGNS Once you know what to look for, you’ll find signs everywhere — in the air, on the ground and on actual signs.
PA R T 0 3  READING THE SIGNS Once you know what to look for, you   ll find signs everywhere     in the air, on the ground...
R EAD ING THE S IG N S HOME BUYERS: W H A T T H E Y S AY V S . W H A T T H E Y R E A L L Y M E A N What they say: “I need granite countertops and stainless steel appliances.” What they mean: “I cook all my meals in the microwave.” What they say: “This isn’t the grand entrance I was hoping for.” What they mean: “I’m trying to win an ongoing sibling rivalry.” What they say: “Are these hardwood floors original?” What they mean: “I can’t tell the difference between hardwood and laminate.” What they say: “I want a big backyard for the kids to run around.” What they mean: “My children are monsters.” What they say: “I need an office space with a door I can shut.” What they mean: “My children are monsters.” What they say: “The neighbors feel really close.” What they mean: “I’m worried the neighbors will see all the weird stuff I do when I’m alone.” What they say: “We want move-in ready.” What they mean: “We’re going to comment on every single paint color.” What they say: “I love the natural light.” What they mean: “I hate everything about this house, except the natural light.” 10 THE REALTO R ® P HIELD GUIDE
R EAD ING THE S IG N S  HOME BUYERS  W H A T T H E Y S AY V S . W H A T T H E Y R E A L L Y M E A N  What they say      I ...
R E ADI NG TH E SIGN S It’s all about knowing when to read between the lines, when to draw the line and when to draw between the lines. What they say: “How hard can it be to take down a wall?” What they mean: “I’ve never hung a shelf before.” What they say: “We do a lot of entertaining.” What they mean: “We do a totally average amount of entertaining.” PR AC TICA L SURVI VA L FOR T HE R EAL ES TATE WI LDE RNE SS 11
R E ADI NG TH E SIGN S  It   s all about knowing when to read between the lines, when to draw the line and when to draw be...
R EAD ING THE S IG N S S P O T T I N G T H E E M O T I O N A L S TA T E OF YOUR HOME BUYER I. OPTIMISTIFIED (ADJ) [OP •TI •MIS •TIFIED] The feeling of excitement that comes from taking the first step in the home buying process despite not knowing the second step in the home buying process. II. SATISFADED (ADJ) [ S AT • I S • FA D E D ] The feeling that occurs when you finally secure a house after an extensive series of counteroffers; the desire to feel happiness but being otherwise emotionally drained. III. INFATUFEATED (ADJ) [ I N • FAT • U • F E AT E D ] The feeling of lingering affection that exists for a house weeks after losing a bidding war; a temporary obsession with “the house that got away.” IV. TERRORIFIC (ADJ) [TERR •OR •IFIC] The feeling of immense joy that comes from being in escrow one moment, followed by the crippling fear that you will fall out of escrow in the next. i . optimistified 12 THE REALTO R ® P HIELD GUIDE i i i . infatufeated
R EAD ING THE S IG N S  S P O T T I N G T H E E M O T I O N A L S TA T E OF YOUR HOME BUYER  I.  OPTIMISTIFIED  ADJ    OP ...
RE AD IN G TH E SIGN S The modern home buyer is like a riddle wrapped in an enigma doused in a tangy buffalo sauce. This glossary will help you cut through the BS (buffalo sauce) and see what’s really going on inside. V. FEARTIGUED (ADJ) [FEAR •TI •GUED] The feeling of exhaustion felt at the time of your closing due to previous worrying over your upcoming closing. VI. EAGRETFUL (ADJ) [EA•GRET •FUL] The feeling of remorse that comes from buying a house based on nice fixtures alone; when your zeal for the house prevents you from seeing the full picture. VII. PRIDLENESS (N) [PRID •LE •NESS] The feeling of sloth that occurs after closing on your dream home; being so proud of your new home that you are physically unable to leave it. VIII. AW K X I O U S ( A D J ) [ AW K • X I O U S ] The feeling of uneasiness at seeing so many couples at the same Open House; making uncomfortable eye contact with the home buying competition. i v . terrorific v i i . pridleness PR AC TICA L SURVI VA L FOR T HE R EAL ES TATE WI LDE RNE SS 13
RE AD IN G TH E SIGN S  The modern home buyer is like a riddle wrapped in an enigma doused in a tangy buffalo sauce. This ...
R EAD ING THE S IG N S N AT U R E C A L L S O F T H E 1 0 0 - Y E A R - O L D H O U S E HISSES: Hear a faint hissing sound? It’s probably the radiator. House doesn’t have radiators? You should probably call a priest. MOANS: Moaning pipes could be caused by a number of different things, so it’s best to call a repairman. But before you do that, make sure the repairman you hired last week didn’t fall down the basement stairs. R AT T L I N G : When the weather stripping fails on old windows, strong winds may cause them to rattle. You also may just be walking around with a pocket full of change. RUSTLING: If it’s coming from your walls, it’s nothing good. It could be anything from mice to raccoons to tiny alien hands reaching through a rip in the spacetime continuum. CREAKS: A creak in the floorboards is like a gap in your teeth. At first, you want nothing more than to get it fixed. But in time, you come to appreciate its charm. 14 THE REALTO R ® P HIELD GUIDE
R EAD ING THE S IG N S  N AT U R E C A L L S O F T H E 1 0 0 - Y E A R - O L D H O U S E  HISSES  Hear a faint hissing sou...
PA R T 0 4 SURVIVAL SKILLS And when all else fails, stop, drop and Get REALTOR.®
PA R T 0 4  SURVIVAL SKILLS And when all else fails, stop, drop and Get REALTOR.
S URV IVAL S KIL LS HOW TO: STEP 1 D E L I V E R A B A B Y I N A S E L L E R ’ S WA L K - I N PA N T R Y D O N ’ T PA N I C You have nothing to worry about. Delivering a baby is basically the same as selling a house. Besides, if all goes well, you’re pretty much guaranteed a sale — the old “you give birth in it, you buy it” policy. But I get it. Anxiety can sneak up on you like a 10th wedding anniversary. If that happens, just remember to breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. STEP 2 M A K E T H E M O T H E R C O M F O R TA B L E Twenty minutes ago, this mother was picturing picnics on the back deck. Now she’s trying to picture herself giving birth in a stranger’s walk-in pantry. You can help with this by playing up the features of the home. Say something like, “The first thing your child is going to see is the beautiful crown moulding. He’s going to grow up with a real attention to detail… just like these home sellers.” STEP 3 SANITIZE YOUR ARMS AND HANDS Remove any jewelry or watches you may be wearing and wash your hands with soap and warm water. But don’t let the mother think you forgot her. Keep her informed as to what’s going on, occasionally shouting things like, “I love washing my hands in this deep farmhouse sink. And it has such a beautiful view of the backyard.” STEP 4 KNOW WHEN IT’S TIME TO PUSH Note: This is NOT the time to push a sale. There will be plenty of time for that later. Subtle sales tactics – like those outlined in previous steps — are key. Instead, this step is all about knowing when it’s time for the mother to push the baby out. The mother will cue you by shouting one of the following: 1. “OWWWWWWW OHHHHHHH OW OW OW OOOOOOHHHHHHH!” 2. “IT’S TIME TO PUSH!” 16 THE REALTO R ® P HIELD GUIDE
S URV IVAL S KIL LS  HOW TO   STEP 1  D E L I V E R A B A B Y I N A S E L L E R     S WA L K - I N PA N T R Y  D O N     T...
SU RVIVAL SKIL LS N O. O F S T E P S : 5 STEP 5 T H R O W U P. . . P R I VA T E L Y Now that you’ve gotten all the way to the end, you’ve probably discovered that delivering a baby is nothing like selling a house. But you stuck with it, and mother and baby are bonding among boxes of dried pasta, giving you a few minutes to sneak away. Don’t lose your composure, though. The Open House isn’t over yet. Before you go, try saying something like, “I’m going to excuse myself to the half bathroom conveniently located off the main hallway.” PR AC TICA L SURVI VA L FOR T HE R EAL ES TATE WI LDE RNE SS 17
SU RVIVAL SKIL LS  N O. O F S T E P S   5  STEP 5  T H R O W U P. . . P R I VA T E L Y  Now that you   ve gotten all the w...
S URV IVAL S KIL LS HOW TO: STEP 1 FIND & CAPTURE YOUR CLIENT’S MISSING PYTHON D R E S S T H E PA R T Just like donning a shiny REALTOR® pin gets you ready to buy and sell houses, the right accoutrements can make you feel like a professional snake catcher. Try a beige button-up, floppy hat and shorts with a lot of pockets (to fill with snakes). Then try a new name; Boris sounds like a good snake-catching name. So do Phoenix, Kriss, Gunther and Priscilla. Finally, try an accent. Australian is the natural choice — ”Crickey! I hope the snake isn’t hidin’ in me barbie!”— but feel free to think outside the box and challenge yourself. STEP 2 TRY CALLING ITS NAME Here’s a tip that could save you a lot of legwork — try walking around the house and calling the snake’s name. The snakes in cartoons are always pretty smart. It’s worth a shot. STEP 3 GRAB A FLASHLIGHT If Step Two fails, grab a flashlight and start looking. The house is filled with hiding places, but you can narrow down the list by thinking about the snake’s must-haves. Why did it leave its enclosure in the first place? Was it looking for more space? Higher-end fixtures? A better neighborhood? When you think about it, snakes are just like people. People with no limbs who smell with their tongues. STEP 4 COAX IT INTO A NET Once you find the snake, don’t try to pick it up with your hands; I don’t care how easy pop stars make it look in music videos. Instead, find a net with a long handle — like a pool skimmer — and coax the snake into it. If you can’t find a net, try sweeping the snake into a garbage pail with a broom. Once it’s trapped, lift the net or garbage pail up and hurry back to the enclosure. If you hear a high-pitched whimpering sound, don’t be alarmed. That’s just you… whimpering. 18 THE REALTO R ® P HIELD GUIDE
S URV IVAL S KIL LS  HOW TO   STEP 1  FIND   CAPTURE YOUR CLIENT   S MISSING PYTHON  D R E S S T H E PA R T  Just like don...
SU RVIVAL SKIL LS N O. O F S T E P S : 5 STEP 5 TA K E A S E L F I E It’s like the kids always say – “Pics or it didn’t happen.” You’re definitely going to want to have a shot of this in your REALTOR® scrapbook. If you don’t have a REALTOR® scrapbook, now is a good time to start. They’re incredibly soothing. PR AC TICA L SURVI VA L FOR T HE R EAL ES TATE WI LDE RNE SS 19
SU RVIVAL SKIL LS  N O. O F S T E P S   5  STEP 5  TA K E A S E L F I E  It   s like the kids always say        Pics or it...
S URV IVAL S KIL LS HOW TO: STEP 1 CONDUCT AN OPEN HOUSE IN THE M I D S T O F A Z O M B I E A P O C A LY P S E C O N F I R M Y O U A R E A C T U A L LY I N T H E M I D S T O F A Z O M B I E A P O C A LY P S E Confirming you are actually in the midst of a zombie apocalypse is very, very important. Luckily, there are two easy ways to check. 1. LOOK OUT THE WINDOW. But don’t rush to conclusions. A person shuffling down the street with blood dripping down their chin? Probably just severe seasonal allergies. But six people shuffling down the street with blood dripping down their chins? You’ve got yourself an apocalypse. 2. GO ONLINE. This will definitely make the news. Trust me. Even if you’re watching a cute cat video, someone is going to comment and say, “Cute cat. Mine just got eaten by a zombie :((((((“ Then you’ll know. STEP 2 U P D AT E T H E L I S T I N G Once you’re sure you’re in the midst of a zombie apocalypse, you’re going to have to update the listing. Talk about the features that buyers fighting the undead are actually looking for. Before you may have said it was “close to everything.” Well, in the apocalypse, that just means “certain death.” Or “high ceilings?” Now it’s all about high fences. “Home theater?” Try “Makeshift panic room… with full-extension recliner chairs.” STEP 3 C O M M U N I C AT E W I T H T H E S E L L E R Reevaluate what “fair market value” really means. Ask the seller what they would now be willing to sell their house for. Two bottles of aspirin and a crowbar? Great. A case of water, four knives and a roll of toilet paper? Even better. STEP 4 PROVIDE PROTECTION Since you can’t be everywhere at once, provide protection. Leave pocket knives by the front door the same way you once left business cards. Consider even getting your pocket knives engraved with your name and contact info; show the apocalypse that it can take away your dignity, but it can never touch your personal brand. 20 THE REALTO R ® P HIELD GUIDE
S URV IVAL S KIL LS  HOW TO   STEP 1  CONDUCT AN OPEN HOUSE IN THE M I D S T O F A Z O M B I E A P O C A LY P S E  C O N F...
SU RVIVAL SKIL LS N O. O F S T E P S : 5 STEP 5 KEEP THE MOOD LIGHT It’s not going to be easy to put a positive spin on the situation, but the truth is, no one buys a house when they think it’s the end of the world. Remind people that their dreams are still only an arm’s reach away. So when someone says, “I’m going to die in this house,” say, “No... you’re going to die and come back to life in this house.” PRA CT IC AL SURV IVAL FOR T HE RE AL ESTAT E WILDE RNES S 21
SU RVIVAL SKIL LS  N O. O F S T E P S   5  STEP 5  KEEP THE MOOD LIGHT  It   s not going to be easy to put a positive spin...
NOTES FROM THE PHIELD:
NOTES FROM THE PHIELD
NOTES FROM THE PHIELD:
NOTES FROM THE PHIELD
NOTES FROM THE PHIELD:
NOTES FROM THE PHIELD
6 5 4 3 2 WANT MORE PHIL DUNPHY? Watch ABC’s Modern Family Wednesdays at 9/8c and stay up-to-date on NAR’s Get REALTOR® campaign. @realtors 1 0
6  5  4  3  2  WANT MORE PHIL DUNPHY  Watch ABC   s Modern Family Wednesdays at 9 8c and stay up-to-date on NAR   s Get RE...
THE REALTOR ® PHIELD GUIDE
THE REALTOR     PHIELD GUIDE