Stage 5: Identity vs Role Confusion
Moving on to high school, I did not enjoy the atmosphere. The kids were snotty, the teachers seemed intensely more strict, and I only knew a few others from middle school. My first year went rough because I refused to do any work, and I was very self-conscious about my body due to the many previous years of being bullied for my size. Surrounded by unfamiliar faces, I was very hostile and angry towards people I didn’t know, paranoid that someone would start the bullying phase all over for me. Eventually, I attempted to stop being so sour and tried to do things that made me happy. I quickly learned that I was better off alone. Because of this, I understood myself more and I knew what I enjoyed and what I didn’t. Going through this personal enlightenment, I discovered my passion for science and medicine. Without a doubt, my passion became an obsession, and I set my heart on becoming a doctor. When I think about my future, I do not feel like being a doctor is big enough to contribute to society. To fill the glass completely full, I want to enroll in the military once I have a full medical license and travel overseas. Without this vision in my head, I feel as though my life has no other purpose other than to survive, reproduce, and die. In order to fulfil this “dream”, I am set on going to college next fall to begin the process immediately.
By now, I should be close to finishing my residency, and one step closer to becoming an attending. If I plan it correctly, this is the time when I will be best suited to enter the military. However, it greatly depends on the global conflicts at the time. If this moment was 20 years ahead of time, I would have already joined as a medical aid in the Middle East. However, it is unpredictable to know what can actually happen 20 years from now, which is why this decade of my life is now fully planned out.
Stage 6: Intimacy vs Isolation
I expect to spend the next 10-15 years of my life training or in school. After I graduate college at Arcadia, I envision myself taking a year or two off to save money and stay focused on my studies, then apply for med school. By the time I leave college, I should be in my early twenties, depending on how quickly I can get my degree. During these years, I do not plan on having time to date, due to medical school being extremely demanding. However, if I do meet someone, I’d assume it wouldn’t be very serious because I do not wish to marry or have children in the future, though I am aware I may change my mind eventually. Nevertheless, I feel as though I will never go through this stage because I do not believe love is a true feeling. Feeling this way could make me feel isolated, but I know I am alone by choice, and that does not unsettle me.