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It's a damn kids book.

The Adventures of Captain Articles and dr. Constitution

A Story of a Misleading Title

By Tanner Denton

Since we didn't have a government a few people got together and said:

Once upon a time, in the year 1776, in the far away land of "America", we had no government. After all, we didn't want to be apart of the CRUMPET-STUFFING BRITISH MONARCHY ANYMORE. 

"hey maybe we should have a government"

"hey i think youre right"

So they got all of their smartest-est friends together and started writing the 

Once they finished writing it, the document sprang to life (a metaphor, of course) and said this:

"Hey what's up guys, I'm the Articles of Confederation and I'm gonna make a government.  

1. Congress. You're the only branch. No other branches. You get all the power.

2. Every state gets one vote. Cry about it, punk. 

3. National government. You can declare war and sign treaties and stuff. You can't tax people, draft soldiers, or regulate trade.

Yep, so that's about it. Hope you guys don't get rid of me and replace me with a better document."

 

But they did...

The United States Constitution

with this.

It said this:

"Yo, yo, yo. What up, I'm the constitution, playa.  I'm finna lay down some ground rules.

1. We need some branches up in here. Let's make it three. Legislative, you make laws. Judicial, you interpret laws. Executive, you enforce laws.

2. No more of this "one vote per state" crap. Now the states get a number of votes based on their population.

3. Now Imma let the government collect taxes and make laws and stuff. However, they can't regulate trade between states."

 

The Articles of Confederation felt betrayed by his own country. So they burned him to death and he was never heard of again. The founders were happy with the new document.  They kept the good parts that the Articles had, and changed all the bad stuff. For example, the nation was still called the U.S.A., and it was still the official document for the government, but it changed the way it was run with the three branches.

THE END

And everyone lived happily ever after...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

until 2016 in the light of a very dissatisfied political climate. But that's another story for another time.

Sources

"ARTICLES OF CONFEDERATION." Findlaw. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Oct. 2016.

 

SparkNotes. SparkNotes, n.d. Web. 24 Oct. 2016.

 

"Digital History." Digital History. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Oct. 2016.

 

"Comparing the Articles and the Constitution - The U.S. Constitution Online - USConstitution.net." Comparing the Articles and the Constitution - The U.S. Constitution Online - USConstitution.net. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Oct. 2016.

 

"Comparing the Articles of Confederation and the Constitution." Comparing the Articles of Confederation and the Constitution. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Oct. 2016.