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Derp

TO DAD, FOR BEING THE ENGINEER OF THE FAMILY

BOB, THE BIRDHOUSE BUILDER

 

One beautiful day outside (in the winter (like what?!)) Bob was taking his dog, steve, for a walk until he saw how cool the birds were. But they looked like they were looking for something. “I wanted to find out what they were looking for” he said. First he looked at them closely and saw them shivering. So he realised he wanted to build his whole life! But he wanted evidence. Eventually, after hours of looking he found an old picture of himself making a clay horse and then he remembered.

 

Suddenly, he was greeted by a magnificent bluejay with bright blue tail feathers and a crest on its head that he saw before. It perched on a branch of his oak tree and sang a delightful melody. Bob watched the bird and immediately his designer mind began to plan. He would make a birdhouse, a big one with a few of it’s favorite things like it’s food so it could attract it.

So he went to his his garage to get his tools but he discovered they were gone! “OH NO!” he shouted. He tried to remember where he left them while stressing out. He remembered how he left them in the forest and the forest was 160 miles away from the city!!!!

He screamed “OHHHHH NOOOOO!!!” as he ran around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around around and around.

 

So Bob went to the forest to find his toolbox.

 

While in the forest he encountered a bear in front of a cave and he saw a red box with the name “BOB THE BUILDER”. He grabbed a piece of raw meat just in case and he threw it somewhere really far. So while the bear was distracted, Bob he ran as fast as Sanic to the cave and grabbed the toolbox and ran to his car on the icy road. So he drove away as he sighed “Thank goodness for these snow tires!”.

 

So when he returned he to tried to assemble a birdhouse in his garage. The first three attempts were a disaster. One birdhouse had a roof that was too small, another had no entrance and the third house looked like a house with a hole in the roof. He sighed. He was useless as a builder.

 

The fourth birdhouse was perfect but steve came and broke it. But the fifth one was also perfect and this time steve did not break it.

 

So, he hooked it on a tree branch and he sighed while he wiped his forehead. Maybe he wasn’t cut out to be a builder. He put his tools back in the metal toolbox and place it high on a shelf in the garage, feeling defeated. As he walked by a birdhouse competition sheet. He looked at it and thought, “How can I enter a competition if i can’t even build a simple birdhouse?”

 

Bob headed to the library. There must be some hobby he could do, but he doubted if any would be as enticing as building. When he arrived at the library he grabbed a random book and read it:

 

LEGEND OF THE PUFFIN

“Many many years ago when animals could talk, Puffin lived near the ocean. Puffin was a sad bird jealous of mighty Eagle who could dive into the waves and catch tuna and halibut.

One day, he decided to ask Eagle to teach him how to catch fish. So when he came to Eagle, Puffin said, “Hello Eagle, can you teach me how to fly please?”

So he said: ”Sure but it’s hard.”So Puffin did everything Eagle told him but he still couldn’t swim because he didn’t actually believe that he would ever be able to swim underwater. Finally Eagle gave up and soared into the air, leaving Puffin on the rocks where the Puffin colony was watching its eggs.

 

As Puffin walked to his nest, he had tripped on a rock and hit a egg and it fell in the water! Something amazing happened after. He dove toward the sea hoping to find it,

and he did! But while he was finding the egg he thought “wow! I wonder if all my friends like robin, owl and bluejay could fly in the water like me?”

When he came out everyone was very worried that the egg wasn't safe but when they saw it in his wing, they were relieved. After a few months, a little puffling hatched from the egg puffin saved. He came to puffin and said “Hey, I remembered how you saved me. I was really scared at first but when I saw you I saw you swim really fast and  want to learn how!” So puffin told him everything you need to do and soon, the whole colony knew how to “fly” in the water.

 

So that’s the legend of how puffins learned how to “fly” in the water.”

 

While he was reading the seventh sentence he suddenly realized that he had never given up until now. So he ran home he tried to make a birdhouse for the World’s Largest Birdhouse Competition.

 

It took all day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night and day and night until he finished it (well he obviously slept) .

 

When he was done the birdhouse filled an eighth of his garage. He had a peaked roof and six entrance holes big enough to accommodate a hawk, and enough perches for a whole family of birds. He painted it green camo.

 

So the next day he went to the international birdhouse competition. As he asked, “Hey you think this is a big enough birdhouse?” the judge turned around and saw how big the birdhouse was.

 

He shouted “holy macaroni in jalapenõ pizza dipped in chocolate pepperoni!!!!”

 

As the contest started he was so excited as the judge said “Now for our great birdhouse competition!”

 

As the judge measured the birdhouses, bob thought the guy beside him had a bigger birdhouse.

 

“Now, for the final round” the judge measured Bobs birdhouse and his opponent.

“And now the winner is…………………….BOB!!!!!” the crowd roared as the judge said, “Bob's birdhouse was precisely 0.00000000000001 nanometers taller!!!!!”

 

He drove home singing a happy tune with his big, shiny gold medal. As he asked steve, “Hey steve, wanna do another contest?” “Bark! Bark Bark Bark Woof! (OH YA I WAS SO HYPED TODAY :D)”


So when he got home he went on his computer to find more competitions. His luck was just right cuz he found a tallest tower competition. In his mind, he imagined building it higher than his garage, higher than his house, higher than his tallest tree. Suddenly he stopped as he realized, “UH-OH, HOW WOULD I GET IT THERE.”


 

THE END