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title credits letter from the editors in chief Copy Editors Writers Photographers Mckenzie Hathaway Jubilee Pham Carly Evans Taylor Wilson Erin Wilson Marika Adamopoulous Victoria Perez Emily Roberts Lauren Hall Keanu Banayat Hannah Liszewski Leilani Banuelos Allison Curtin Rachel Stanley Leilani Banuelos Hanna Reichl Celeste Scott Shelby Baumgartner Mckenzie Hathaway Alex Bell Designers Social Media Leah Lu Hanna Reichl Elizabeth Guettner Shelby Baumgartner Carissa Vera Cover Design Woman Collage Elizabeth Guettner Constellations Leah Lu A special thank you to the Younger Scholars Program which supports opportunities for undergraduates to enrich their education by gaining professional experience in a variety of settings outside the classroom and Provost Deborah Taylor for believing in and funding this project Thank you to SGA Student Government Association whose mission is to advocate for students by advancing their voices in order to influence positive change Thank you for funding this unique project Shotgun Magazine is a one time magazine publication centered around the heart of women encouraging each other That through stories and art we may be able to look around and see a community that affirms one another s experiences and supports their passions and potential Email us about how much you love the magazine send us cute dog gifs and send us virtual flower bouquets here shotgunthemag gmail com 1 shotgun magazine Printed in PRC CARISSA VERA Last February I sat at a table outside of Common s with an idea that scared me So when a girl in my social media class walked by me and asked me what I was working on I thought about choosing the easy way out and lying and saying that I was working on my never ending amount of Business law papers Last May I sat in that same girl s car eating Thrifty s ice cream and I knew that this idea for a magazine highlighting the stories of the confident and cool women around Biola was bigger than the two of us It was then that I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be shotgun My hope is that in the same way you get into a car with a friend at 4am and drive to Malibu or road trip across the U S to their hometown is the way I hope you read these stories That in a posture of listening and affirming you listen in the same way you do when it s just the two of you in the car and the faint sound of the radio static in the background Last February I was just a Common s girl sitting at a table passion inhibited Today as you hold this copy this is passion exhibited thanks to all the people who heard my idea and said Me too Thank you to Alex Bell my co editor for being the first Me too and blasting The 1975 with me through campus To my mom for not punishing me when I traced my hands with markers on my sheets and encouraging me to never quit my big ideas no matter how difficult it gets To Laura Igram for listening to me when I thought I didn t have a place on this campus To Carrie Stockton for opening my eyes to the incredible women on this campus To Mckenzie for telling me this project was going to happen when it so seemed like it was a mistake to begin it entirely To Rachel for all the times I came home with dramatic stories and you laughed with me To Sunday for making cool art and sending me dog videos To Anni for reminding me to be a badass woman of God To this Shotgun staff you have all brought so much soul to this magazine thank you for buckling in for this wild ride And to eight year old Carissa who begged to stay up late to color eight different magazine covers for her 3rd grade class magazine this magazine is for you ALEX BELL Before this magazine came about I took a long walk with Taylor and told him that I knew there was something I was supposed to be creating and I couldn t figure out what it was So when I ran into a random girl in my social media class Carissa who told me about an idea she had I tried to keep my cool but I knew this was it That night she jumped the shot gun and asked me to create it with her This project has been hard and healing We ve seen others catch the vision which has been the most rewarding I ve seen Carissa step into who she is and shine So Carissa this magazine is for you This magazine is for me This magazine is for my Papapa my brothers and my dad This magazine is for my grandmama my grammy and my mom This magazine is for Danae This magazine is for Taylor This magazine is for the kids in my photo 2 class who told me I had potential when I didn t even know Lightroom This magazine is for Kurt Chris and Kelsey This magazine is for Lisa and Sarah This magazine This magazine is for all the girls who don t know who to look to on this journey This is for the girls forging their own way It s hard but man it is beautiful shotgun magazine 2
title credits letter from the editors in chief Copy Editors Writers Photographers Mckenzie Hathaway Jubilee Pham Carly Evans Taylor Wilson Erin Wilson Marika Adamopoulous Victoria Perez Emily Roberts Lauren Hall Keanu Banayat Hannah Liszewski Leilani Banuelos Allison Curtin Rachel Stanley Leilani Banuelos Hanna Reichl Celeste Scott Shelby Baumgartner Mckenzie Hathaway Alex Bell Designers Social Media Leah Lu Hanna Reichl Elizabeth Guettner Shelby Baumgartner Carissa Vera Cover Design Woman Collage Elizabeth Guettner Constellations Leah Lu A special thank you to the Younger Scholars Program which supports opportunities for undergraduates to enrich their education by gaining professional experience in a variety of settings outside the classroom and Provost Deborah Taylor for believing in and funding this project Thank you to SGA Student Government Association whose mission is to advocate for students by advancing their voices in order to influence positive change Thank you for funding this unique project Shotgun Magazine is a one time magazine publication centered around the heart of women encouraging each other That through stories and art we may be able to look around and see a community that affirms one another s experiences and supports their passions and potential Email us about how much you love the magazine send us cute dog gifs and send us virtual flower bouquets here shotgunthemag gmail com 1 shotgun magazine Printed in PRC CARISSA VERA Last February I sat at a table outside of Common s with an idea that scared me So when a girl in my social media class walked by me and asked me what I was working on I thought about choosing the easy way out and lying and saying that I was working on my never ending amount of Business law papers Last May I sat in that same girl s car eating Thrifty s ice cream and I knew that this idea for a magazine highlighting the stories of the confident and cool women around Biola was bigger than the two of us It was then that I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be shotgun My hope is that in the same way you get into a car with a friend at 4am and drive to Malibu or road trip across the U S to their hometown is the way I hope you read these stories That in a posture of listening and affirming you listen in the same way you do when it s just the two of you in the car and the faint sound of the radio static in the background Last February I was just a Common s girl sitting at a table passion inhibited Today as you hold this copy this is passion exhibited thanks to all the people who heard my idea and said Me too Thank you to Alex Bell my co editor for being the first Me too and blasting The 1975 with me through campus To my mom for not punishing me when I traced my hands with markers on my sheets and encouraging me to never quit my big ideas no matter how difficult it gets To Laura Igram for listening to me when I thought I didn t have a place on this campus To Carrie Stockton for opening my eyes to the incredible women on this campus To Mckenzie for telling me this project was going to happen when it so seemed like it was a mistake to begin it entirely To Rachel for all the times I came home with dramatic stories and you laughed with me To Sunday for making cool art and sending me dog videos To Anni for reminding me to be a badass woman of God To this Shotgun staff you have all brought so much soul to this magazine thank you for buckling in for this wild ride And to eight year old Carissa who begged to stay up late to color eight different magazine covers for her 3rd grade class magazine this magazine is for you ALEX BELL Before this magazine came about I took a long walk with Taylor and told him that I knew there was something I was supposed to be creating and I couldn t figure out what it was So when I ran into a random girl in my social media class Carissa who told me about an idea she had I tried to keep my cool but I knew this was it That night she jumped the shot gun and asked me to create it with her This project has been hard and healing We ve seen others catch the vision which has been the most rewarding I ve seen Carissa step into who she is and shine So Carissa this magazine is for you This magazine is for me This magazine is for my Papapa my brothers and my dad This magazine is for my grandmama my grammy and my mom This magazine is for Danae This magazine is for Taylor This magazine is for the kids in my photo 2 class who told me I had potential when I didn t even know Lightroom This magazine is for Kurt Chris and Kelsey This magazine is for Lisa and Sarah This magazine This magazine is for all the girls who don t know who to look to on this journey This is for the girls forging their own way It s hard but man it is beautiful shotgun magazine 2
shotgun magazine table of contents calling shotgun is the act of claiming the front passenger seat of a car for yourself deriving from the days of stagecoach travel O1 Title Credits O2 Letter from the Editors Carissa Vera Alex Bell O5 11 12 Poem Hannah Liszewski Incredible Women Carrie Stockton by Shelby Baumgartner Stephanie Sanford by Erin Wilson Jamie Campbell by Lauren Hall shotgun magazine Young By Allison Curtin Middle By Leilani Banuelos Elder By Alex Bell Designing Vulnerability Mckenzie Hathaway Bethany MIller by Allison Curtin 3 21 Intergenerational Introduction by Alex Bell 30 Redeeming Women Allison Curtin 34 A Poem on Heartbreak Hannah Liszewski 35 My Eyes Are Blue Anonymous 36 Dear Friend Victoria Perez 37 Black Girl Magic Celeste Scott 40 Closing Remarks Laura Igram PHOTOGRAPH BY RACHEL STANLEY shotgun magazine 4
shotgun magazine table of contents calling shotgun is the act of claiming the front passenger seat of a car for yourself deriving from the days of stagecoach travel O1 Title Credits O2 Letter from the Editors Carissa Vera Alex Bell O5 11 12 Poem Hannah Liszewski Incredible Women Carrie Stockton by Shelby Baumgartner Stephanie Sanford by Erin Wilson Jamie Campbell by Lauren Hall shotgun magazine Young By Allison Curtin Middle By Leilani Banuelos Elder By Alex Bell Designing Vulnerability Mckenzie Hathaway Bethany MIller by Allison Curtin 3 21 Intergenerational Introduction by Alex Bell 30 Redeeming Women Allison Curtin 34 A Poem on Heartbreak Hannah Liszewski 35 My Eyes Are Blue Anonymous 36 Dear Friend Victoria Perez 37 Black Girl Magic Celeste Scott 40 Closing Remarks Laura Igram PHOTOGRAPH BY RACHEL STANLEY shotgun magazine 4
MCKENZIE HATHAWAY MELDS EXPOSURE AND EMPOWERMENT DESIGNING VULNERABILITY It felt like I was diving into a half frozen lake stupid with adrenaline when I first challenged vulnerability Formerly I had not connected the two openness and this necessity to be understood It was series of counseling sessions where I discovered my natural desires to be known Recognizing these longings are woven into our DNA I wanted to explore how we fail to seek connection specifically in our college community I believe this awareness of being able to process our identity with those we trust is deeply imperative to understand Illustration by Elizabeth Guettner Calligraphy Quote Constellations by Leah Lu 5 shotgun magazine VULNERABILITY IS TRICKY It shouldn t be and I wish it wasn t However it is because real authenticity pushes the edges of our comfortability making it confusing for us to maneuver Through my short time here on earth I am discovering the place vulnerability needs to take Whether you have studied vulnerability in depth or are brand new to this conversation I believe this topic is tremendously beneficial for anyone that has a soul For this piece I interviewed students on campus trying to gage how they view their ability to be vulnerable with their peers and discovered that most people fall into 3 categories the open book the too closed off and the perfect fit My discoveries determined that 22 percent classify themselves as open book 64 percent as too closed off and 14 percent as the perfect fit I do not have my masters or a PHD so my credibility behind the following research is not backed by clinical investigations or millions of dollars Rather it supported by this insane passion to understand how millennials are choosing to be vulnerable shotgun magazine 6
MCKENZIE HATHAWAY MELDS EXPOSURE AND EMPOWERMENT DESIGNING VULNERABILITY It felt like I was diving into a half frozen lake stupid with adrenaline when I first challenged vulnerability Formerly I had not connected the two openness and this necessity to be understood It was series of counseling sessions where I discovered my natural desires to be known Recognizing these longings are woven into our DNA I wanted to explore how we fail to seek connection specifically in our college community I believe this awareness of being able to process our identity with those we trust is deeply imperative to understand Illustration by Elizabeth Guettner Calligraphy Quote Constellations by Leah Lu 5 shotgun magazine VULNERABILITY IS TRICKY It shouldn t be and I wish it wasn t However it is because real authenticity pushes the edges of our comfortability making it confusing for us to maneuver Through my short time here on earth I am discovering the place vulnerability needs to take Whether you have studied vulnerability in depth or are brand new to this conversation I believe this topic is tremendously beneficial for anyone that has a soul For this piece I interviewed students on campus trying to gage how they view their ability to be vulnerable with their peers and discovered that most people fall into 3 categories the open book the too closed off and the perfect fit My discoveries determined that 22 percent classify themselves as open book 64 percent as too closed off and 14 percent as the perfect fit I do not have my masters or a PHD so my credibility behind the following research is not backed by clinical investigations or millions of dollars Rather it supported by this insane passion to understand how millennials are choosing to be vulnerable shotgun magazine 6
The open book these are the men and women that tell everyone everything This is NOT your classic type A extrovert that loves hearing themselves talk Too closed off This is the majority of our population You play it safe too safe You are not alone in not having a desire to open up and it may not be all your fault Rather these are the people that have not discovered boundaries Through my interviews I discovered that the students who did not have a consistent space to express their everyday life in turn became closed off Through this a multitude of reasons appeared as to why people in this category refuse to open up One of the most common responses was the mask It is this idea that you mask your true emotions because you feel as if you are a burden You may feel as if your peers even friends might see how you really are doing and think that you re not worth their time and energy So you create a beautiful masterpiece of a wall for protection because you are scared Boundaries healthy limitations that are created to protect our emotional state and the well being of others I may be a little harsh on those that can relate to being an open book because I am one I live and breath in this category of not discovering boundaries The worst part for those of us that coexist in this setting is we do not consider anything wrong with being too open One of the students in my interview described his experience I tend to share to anyone who asks if they seem interested I give them details I also received many responses such as someone can learn something from my story I am just super real I have nothing to hide As all of these statements live in our everyday vernacular they can be true and helpful until we take this to the next unhealthy level When I say unhealthy I define that as how much we are sharing Often those of us who are too vulnerable become needy This neediness is stemmed from a stable dependency we became accustomed too It became harmful when these relationships were stripped and we ran to whomever would listen This specific fear was a constant theme students related to I don t like sharing because I can t tell if someone is curious or actually care Trusting others is scary and hard for me SOMEONE WILL CONNECT WILL RELATE AND FIND MEANING IN YOUR STORY NO MATTER And soon realize that verbally processing our life s with everyone does not solve our problems The reality is someone will connect will relate and find meaning behind your story no matter how much you share Create boundaries for your soul s sake 7 shotgun magazine HOW MUCH YOU SHARE Throughout this interview I realized that our biggest fears within vulnerability come down to the singular idea that someone could see us the way we see ourselves Your story is not a burden Your fear of not being accepted is valid However that cannot be an excuse to hide shotgun magazine 8
The open book these are the men and women that tell everyone everything This is NOT your classic type A extrovert that loves hearing themselves talk Too closed off This is the majority of our population You play it safe too safe You are not alone in not having a desire to open up and it may not be all your fault Rather these are the people that have not discovered boundaries Through my interviews I discovered that the students who did not have a consistent space to express their everyday life in turn became closed off Through this a multitude of reasons appeared as to why people in this category refuse to open up One of the most common responses was the mask It is this idea that you mask your true emotions because you feel as if you are a burden You may feel as if your peers even friends might see how you really are doing and think that you re not worth their time and energy So you create a beautiful masterpiece of a wall for protection because you are scared Boundaries healthy limitations that are created to protect our emotional state and the well being of others I may be a little harsh on those that can relate to being an open book because I am one I live and breath in this category of not discovering boundaries The worst part for those of us that coexist in this setting is we do not consider anything wrong with being too open One of the students in my interview described his experience I tend to share to anyone who asks if they seem interested I give them details I also received many responses such as someone can learn something from my story I am just super real I have nothing to hide As all of these statements live in our everyday vernacular they can be true and helpful until we take this to the next unhealthy level When I say unhealthy I define that as how much we are sharing Often those of us who are too vulnerable become needy This neediness is stemmed from a stable dependency we became accustomed too It became harmful when these relationships were stripped and we ran to whomever would listen This specific fear was a constant theme students related to I don t like sharing because I can t tell if someone is curious or actually care Trusting others is scary and hard for me SOMEONE WILL CONNECT WILL RELATE AND FIND MEANING IN YOUR STORY NO MATTER And soon realize that verbally processing our life s with everyone does not solve our problems The reality is someone will connect will relate and find meaning behind your story no matter how much you share Create boundaries for your soul s sake 7 shotgun magazine HOW MUCH YOU SHARE Throughout this interview I realized that our biggest fears within vulnerability come down to the singular idea that someone could see us the way we see ourselves Your story is not a burden Your fear of not being accepted is valid However that cannot be an excuse to hide shotgun magazine 8
The perfect fit understanding boundaries within vulnerability This state is the ultimate goal when it comes to authenticity in relationships You are able to verbally discuss the tragedy and victories in your life while understanding how much is too much Those of you who can relate to this have the ability to be okay with yourself This is huge because once you are able to understand your story as heavy and ugly as it is it will change the lives around you Choosing authenticity and boundary supported vulnerability creates two things healing for the speaker and healing for the listeners As the speaker is opening up about the immense tragedy and hurt they have experienced the process of connection is being created The rawness and often ugliness of our stories allows listeners to lean into their own brokenness Understanding that we are not alone in our stories moves our self reflections from sadness to hope The students I interviewed were hesitant to discuss why they classified themselves in this perfect fit category because they did not see themselves as perfect when it comes to opening up A female student noted Typically I can open up with those I am very close with but it takes some time for me to get there Her statement illustrates that even those in this category are still in a process A process of progression and dissention yet a continual choice is consciously being taken Vulnerability takes time Creating boundaries takes practice We will not change overnight so we must give ourselves grace in that However it is our constant willingness that can start now When we choose to be vulnerable it allows others to be vulnerable which creates healing which I believe is the process of life 9 shotgun magazine shotgun magazine 10
The perfect fit understanding boundaries within vulnerability This state is the ultimate goal when it comes to authenticity in relationships You are able to verbally discuss the tragedy and victories in your life while understanding how much is too much Those of you who can relate to this have the ability to be okay with yourself This is huge because once you are able to understand your story as heavy and ugly as it is it will change the lives around you Choosing authenticity and boundary supported vulnerability creates two things healing for the speaker and healing for the listeners As the speaker is opening up about the immense tragedy and hurt they have experienced the process of connection is being created The rawness and often ugliness of our stories allows listeners to lean into their own brokenness Understanding that we are not alone in our stories moves our self reflections from sadness to hope The students I interviewed were hesitant to discuss why they classified themselves in this perfect fit category because they did not see themselves as perfect when it comes to opening up A female student noted Typically I can open up with those I am very close with but it takes some time for me to get there Her statement illustrates that even those in this category are still in a process A process of progression and dissention yet a continual choice is consciously being taken Vulnerability takes time Creating boundaries takes practice We will not change overnight so we must give ourselves grace in that However it is our constant willingness that can start now When we choose to be vulnerable it allows others to be vulnerable which creates healing which I believe is the process of life 9 shotgun magazine shotgun magazine 10
SUBCONSCIOUS TYHTHOUGHTS 18 June 2019 i don t know why but i know why i can t leave myself alone for too long or ask for another person without you help me be too help me be too far and farther i have seen you far and farther i need you my heart is hurt and my mind is spent i can t breathe or sing or breathe i already said breathe i don t know am i spelling that right i don t care what is my mind doing to me i need to see me for all that i am and all that i wish i could be all that i wish i could be i know that is already me why have i not known how to find me to find me in the arms of somebody else i need to know another the way i have known myself for me for me i need patience and sweet holy water but most time but most of the time i need you to be with me just be with me just be i need you to be with me when your heart moves so close to me and away from everything me or i will go out free don t let me be you are for me in my own home i have made a home out of myself why have WHYi have I HAVE ih ave why have i made this a home a home out of myself it s so hard to find a home for the people who have made a home out of themselves thank you for not being one to own to own me like you have seen me on the i don t know how to breathe without you i speelled breath wrong again id on t care these are my thoughts they hurt and they scream but today i don t feel like they are coming this is hard and weird and i don t understand how life opens itself up to me but i can t believe you are with me why have you stayed with me but i couldn t live without you you are for me in my own home i have made a home out of myself why have i not made a home i need a home oh God i need ahome not told no just held i need to be held i want to be held hold me hold my head my head needs holding my head needs help i need help help me help is not weekness help is not weakness you because you are so full of you you are so full of me i can t breathe this is hard to breathe with you right beside you i don t know what to do when i haven t opened up to you or seen you open up to the very next open ing what no that wasn t my subconscious that was my heart y heart you say what is a heart l i don t know a heart like i know a head a heart and a head is harder to be still with you to be still with you i don t know how to do this with or oh without you you you you you i knowi don t do it like you have been open to all of the things that bother you i bother you don t let me you you have chosen te both er you id can t be the one to open ijup to you i kn what do you do today for mea nd for you have i opened my heart like a n axe let me be moved by my own will i need to be the one to open the eyes of everyone and me of me isn t that an odd thing that we do when we open our hearts to the people we don t know yet to the people we have barely seen because we feel like we can see them HANNAH LISZEWSKI 11 shotgun magazine FOUR INCREDIBLE WOMEN AT BIOLA THAT YOU NEED TO GET TO KNOW
SUBCONSCIOUS TYHTHOUGHTS 18 June 2019 i don t know why but i know why i can t leave myself alone for too long or ask for another person without you help me be too help me be too far and farther i have seen you far and farther i need you my heart is hurt and my mind is spent i can t breathe or sing or breathe i already said breathe i don t know am i spelling that right i don t care what is my mind doing to me i need to see me for all that i am and all that i wish i could be all that i wish i could be i know that is already me why have i not known how to find me to find me in the arms of somebody else i need to know another the way i have known myself for me for me i need patience and sweet holy water but most time but most of the time i need you to be with me just be with me just be i need you to be with me when your heart moves so close to me and away from everything me or i will go out free don t let me be you are for me in my own home i have made a home out of myself why have WHYi have I HAVE ih ave why have i made this a home a home out of myself it s so hard to find a home for the people who have made a home out of themselves thank you for not being one to own to own me like you have seen me on the i don t know how to breathe without you i speelled breath wrong again id on t care these are my thoughts they hurt and they scream but today i don t feel like they are coming this is hard and weird and i don t understand how life opens itself up to me but i can t believe you are with me why have you stayed with me but i couldn t live without you you are for me in my own home i have made a home out of myself why have i not made a home i need a home oh God i need ahome not told no just held i need to be held i want to be held hold me hold my head my head needs holding my head needs help i need help help me help is not weekness help is not weakness you because you are so full of you you are so full of me i can t breathe this is hard to breathe with you right beside you i don t know what to do when i haven t opened up to you or seen you open up to the very next open ing what no that wasn t my subconscious that was my heart y heart you say what is a heart l i don t know a heart like i know a head a heart and a head is harder to be still with you to be still with you i don t know how to do this with or oh without you you you you you i knowi don t do it like you have been open to all of the things that bother you i bother you don t let me you you have chosen te both er you id can t be the one to open ijup to you i kn what do you do today for mea nd for you have i opened my heart like a n axe let me be moved by my own will i need to be the one to open the eyes of everyone and me of me isn t that an odd thing that we do when we open our hearts to the people we don t know yet to the people we have barely seen because we feel like we can see them HANNAH LISZEWSKI 11 shotgun magazine FOUR INCREDIBLE WOMEN AT BIOLA THAT YOU NEED TO GET TO KNOW
faculty feature CARRIE STOCKTON With her work on women in leadership gender roles within the church as well as being a Biola power lady Carrie Stockton was destined to be a part of our Shotgun faculty features I had the honor to sit down with Carrie to discuss her journey here at Biola as well as pivotal topics that are most important to her as a woman in leadership At what point did you decide to stay in this field and what drives you to stay in this field I was a business major at Wheaton College so higher ed didn t even cross my mind I initially applied for a financial aid counselor job at Biola When I started my doctorate was when I fully embraced that this was the place I wanted to be mainly because of the people I see being shaped by this place What would you consider to be your greatest accomplishment thus far What feels to me like a great accomplishment is the ability to change and to look back on things that I thought about the world or about how to do my work or about how to live my life and today I would say I did that five years ago completely differently than how I would do it today The capacity to keep being transformed and being willing to listen and humble myself to voices around me that teach me and help me learn that for me feels like a really important accomplishment What have you learned about the female experience since being at Biola Now I m more aware of Oh this system in some ways doesn t always have space for me based on their perceptions what femininity and womanhood are or should be We don t spend a lot of time thinking about how women bring good to the body of Christ and how women exemplify the character of God So there s this whole thing missing God intended male and female to reflect his personhood and we have not told that story as a church And that feels like a loss for men and women If you could go back to college aged Carrie what advice would you give her Oh 20 year old Carrie She wore a lot of overalls she loved overalls The least flattering and most comfortable clothing on the planet I would tell her to be open to change and I think I would also tell her to take risks And I think I would also tell her a life lived before God is a good life THERE S NOT A FORMULA TO IT AND THAT S KIND OF A WONDERFUL THING It s not a challenge free life it s not a life without difficulty and pain but there s a lot of beauty in it And there s not a formula to it and that is kind of a wonderful thing To pursue the heart of God can be something that takes you places you wouldn t have expected Do you have any specific women in your life that helped you reach the point you re at today The first person I think of is my mom We both had very different paths but I saw modeled for me even though she was home with us and we were the priority this person who had a flourishing life outside of us Along my journey she has been someone who has faithfully prayed and encouraged me We came to this place in our relationship where she made this transition to offer me friendship that was not about being my parent but that was about us walking through life together and that has been one of the most important relationships in my life If you could sit down individually with every female student on campus and give them some advice what would you want to tell them I think I would want to tell them how important it is to know that we are made in the image of God and that to think about what that means in light of our womanhood is really important I think what has happened is that culture and a broken church has told us more about what it is to be women than the heart of God I want the women around me to question that narrative and to pursue the heart of God which is to see them lifted up There are all of these portraits of God that are deeply like me not in spite of me but like me There s some cycle to my understanding of that that helps me know God more and also helps me know myself in light of God more I think we have not done enough of that in the church to give women their deep dignity and to show them the capacity that God intends for their lives That s what I wish I could tell women on this campus How much beauty there is in being made in the image of God as a woman When did you first feel like a real woman I think in some ways I would connect my understanding of womanhood to places where I began to lead WRITER SHELBY BAUMGARTNER PHOTOGRAPHY MARIKA ADAMOPOULOS EMILY ROBERTS COPY EDITOR MCKENZIE HATHAWAY shotgun magazine 14
faculty feature CARRIE STOCKTON With her work on women in leadership gender roles within the church as well as being a Biola power lady Carrie Stockton was destined to be a part of our Shotgun faculty features I had the honor to sit down with Carrie to discuss her journey here at Biola as well as pivotal topics that are most important to her as a woman in leadership At what point did you decide to stay in this field and what drives you to stay in this field I was a business major at Wheaton College so higher ed didn t even cross my mind I initially applied for a financial aid counselor job at Biola When I started my doctorate was when I fully embraced that this was the place I wanted to be mainly because of the people I see being shaped by this place What would you consider to be your greatest accomplishment thus far What feels to me like a great accomplishment is the ability to change and to look back on things that I thought about the world or about how to do my work or about how to live my life and today I would say I did that five years ago completely differently than how I would do it today The capacity to keep being transformed and being willing to listen and humble myself to voices around me that teach me and help me learn that for me feels like a really important accomplishment What have you learned about the female experience since being at Biola Now I m more aware of Oh this system in some ways doesn t always have space for me based on their perceptions what femininity and womanhood are or should be We don t spend a lot of time thinking about how women bring good to the body of Christ and how women exemplify the character of God So there s this whole thing missing God intended male and female to reflect his personhood and we have not told that story as a church And that feels like a loss for men and women If you could go back to college aged Carrie what advice would you give her Oh 20 year old Carrie She wore a lot of overalls she loved overalls The least flattering and most comfortable clothing on the planet I would tell her to be open to change and I think I would also tell her to take risks And I think I would also tell her a life lived before God is a good life THERE S NOT A FORMULA TO IT AND THAT S KIND OF A WONDERFUL THING It s not a challenge free life it s not a life without difficulty and pain but there s a lot of beauty in it And there s not a formula to it and that is kind of a wonderful thing To pursue the heart of God can be something that takes you places you wouldn t have expected Do you have any specific women in your life that helped you reach the point you re at today The first person I think of is my mom We both had very different paths but I saw modeled for me even though she was home with us and we were the priority this person who had a flourishing life outside of us Along my journey she has been someone who has faithfully prayed and encouraged me We came to this place in our relationship where she made this transition to offer me friendship that was not about being my parent but that was about us walking through life together and that has been one of the most important relationships in my life If you could sit down individually with every female student on campus and give them some advice what would you want to tell them I think I would want to tell them how important it is to know that we are made in the image of God and that to think about what that means in light of our womanhood is really important I think what has happened is that culture and a broken church has told us more about what it is to be women than the heart of God I want the women around me to question that narrative and to pursue the heart of God which is to see them lifted up There are all of these portraits of God that are deeply like me not in spite of me but like me There s some cycle to my understanding of that that helps me know God more and also helps me know myself in light of God more I think we have not done enough of that in the church to give women their deep dignity and to show them the capacity that God intends for their lives That s what I wish I could tell women on this campus How much beauty there is in being made in the image of God as a woman When did you first feel like a real woman I think in some ways I would connect my understanding of womanhood to places where I began to lead WRITER SHELBY BAUMGARTNER PHOTOGRAPHY MARIKA ADAMOPOULOS EMILY ROBERTS COPY EDITOR MCKENZIE HATHAWAY shotgun magazine 14
faculty feature In search for a female voice on women s presence influence and ministry in athletics Biola s own Bethany Miller made a top place in a list of women with influence grace wisdom ability and positive athletic outcome B ethany Miller attended Biola from 1999 2003 playing basketball and studying kinesiology She loved her Christian education and the people that poured into her After graduation she wanted to take a break from school and worked in the Biola admissions department helping transfer students In the fall of 2006 she went back to physical therapy school and reflects that she loved her studies because God has created us as embodied souls and that she was encouraged by her faith integrating into her study She was then hired full time as a sports physical therapist and worked on her doctorate in physical therapy She also began coaching full time at Biola and became the Assistant Athletic Director In reflection on why sports was such an important part of her life she states Sport exemplifies that when your character is physically tired you are challenged more to encouragement and discipline and love Bethany coached and was the Assistant AD for four years at Biola While doing all this she also became a mom which she recollects was challenging but also very fun At the end of her four years as Assistant AD she was approached to apply to be the Athletic Director with Biola s move into the NCAA Bethany accepted the role in August 2015 and loves her job When asked what it was like being a woman in sports her response noted that the platform for women to exhibit their skills and strength has expanded and that women are beginning to be seen as powerful both in their physicalities and in their mental games Bethany referenced the women in Biola athletics specifically when she recollected that their strength is beautiful because they are reaching for their full capacity Bethany states that she sees a shift in culture about the view of female athletes bodies and their beauty From gymnasts to basketball players women look different but they are beautiful Not only because of their ability to perform but because they are in the world and giving a picture of the world through the physical form Rather than feeling any belittling or backlash for being a woman in athletics Bethany states that she feels like she has been very fortunate and that rather than being stifled she has been pushed and challenged to do more through her mentors that have seen potential in her Bethany states in reflection on her time at Biola through the years Especially in leading the department in the NCAA transition I have been given opportunities to develop myself and develop others Biola has been good I am valued for my contribution Bethany talked on how loving people in their strength and their failures is understanding that someone else was created beautiful As a result that recognition in our relationships can build in us an encouragement that we are loved Everyday in sports that you compete or train you fail You fail by not pushing hard enough you fail by the nature of working to better a skill and you fail your teammates in any number of ways And we are not sufficient We are not good enough We cannot do it But we are loved and that is so much more How do you respond to that and how do you put that in your spiritual walk Bethany pointed again and again to the awareness of failure in ourselves and that when we sit in our failure we develop maturity Bethany continued to state that she saw her development in the knowledge that she can be a failure in competition everyday but a loved creation of Christ s plan through her athletics She stated that When pointed to Christ sitting in that failure in self provides the context and the arena to see that we are only secure in Christ Bethany reminded throughout her interview that her story is not what she planned Her story is not the result of her drawing board on day one coming to fruition Rather her story is about failing being directed where she didn t know and using athletics as her service to others and her platform for releasing her abilities to the God that made them WRITER ALLISON CURTIN PHOTOGRAPHY MARIKA ADAMOPOULOS EMILY ROBERTS COPY EDITOR JUBILEE PHAM XUAN 15 shotgun magazine BETHANY MILLER
faculty feature In search for a female voice on women s presence influence and ministry in athletics Biola s own Bethany Miller made a top place in a list of women with influence grace wisdom ability and positive athletic outcome B ethany Miller attended Biola from 1999 2003 playing basketball and studying kinesiology She loved her Christian education and the people that poured into her After graduation she wanted to take a break from school and worked in the Biola admissions department helping transfer students In the fall of 2006 she went back to physical therapy school and reflects that she loved her studies because God has created us as embodied souls and that she was encouraged by her faith integrating into her study She was then hired full time as a sports physical therapist and worked on her doctorate in physical therapy She also began coaching full time at Biola and became the Assistant Athletic Director In reflection on why sports was such an important part of her life she states Sport exemplifies that when your character is physically tired you are challenged more to encouragement and discipline and love Bethany coached and was the Assistant AD for four years at Biola While doing all this she also became a mom which she recollects was challenging but also very fun At the end of her four years as Assistant AD she was approached to apply to be the Athletic Director with Biola s move into the NCAA Bethany accepted the role in August 2015 and loves her job When asked what it was like being a woman in sports her response noted that the platform for women to exhibit their skills and strength has expanded and that women are beginning to be seen as powerful both in their physicalities and in their mental games Bethany referenced the women in Biola athletics specifically when she recollected that their strength is beautiful because they are reaching for their full capacity Bethany states that she sees a shift in culture about the view of female athletes bodies and their beauty From gymnasts to basketball players women look different but they are beautiful Not only because of their ability to perform but because they are in the world and giving a picture of the world through the physical form Rather than feeling any belittling or backlash for being a woman in athletics Bethany states that she feels like she has been very fortunate and that rather than being stifled she has been pushed and challenged to do more through her mentors that have seen potential in her Bethany states in reflection on her time at Biola through the years Especially in leading the department in the NCAA transition I have been given opportunities to develop myself and develop others Biola has been good I am valued for my contribution Bethany talked on how loving people in their strength and their failures is understanding that someone else was created beautiful As a result that recognition in our relationships can build in us an encouragement that we are loved Everyday in sports that you compete or train you fail You fail by not pushing hard enough you fail by the nature of working to better a skill and you fail your teammates in any number of ways And we are not sufficient We are not good enough We cannot do it But we are loved and that is so much more How do you respond to that and how do you put that in your spiritual walk Bethany pointed again and again to the awareness of failure in ourselves and that when we sit in our failure we develop maturity Bethany continued to state that she saw her development in the knowledge that she can be a failure in competition everyday but a loved creation of Christ s plan through her athletics She stated that When pointed to Christ sitting in that failure in self provides the context and the arena to see that we are only secure in Christ Bethany reminded throughout her interview that her story is not what she planned Her story is not the result of her drawing board on day one coming to fruition Rather her story is about failing being directed where she didn t know and using athletics as her service to others and her platform for releasing her abilities to the God that made them WRITER ALLISON CURTIN PHOTOGRAPHY MARIKA ADAMOPOULOS EMILY ROBERTS COPY EDITOR JUBILEE PHAM XUAN 15 shotgun magazine BETHANY MILLER
faculty feature STEPHANIE SANFORD S tephanie s eyes twinkle when she smiles which is often Her voice raises with excitement at practically every question demonstrating her willing attitude to share life experience with eager college students She is open to listening as much as she is ready to discuss any aspect of her life My life is one big mess of journey by the Lord she exclaimed early on Currently Stephanie is the Director of Global Student Programming and Development at Biola which essentially means she helps any international students in their transition from life abroad into life at Biola Stephanie s face breaks into a grin when she talks about her students her love for them is palpable in the descriptions she provides of their growth and training She invites students into her life in personal ways by meeting with them regularly one on one or bringing them into her home After college Stephanie lived abroad in a Muslim country and worked in a church planting team which opened her heart to international students She then received her master s in the U S and taught as a professor for a number of years before accepting the position at Biola It was this amazing synergy of all my gifts and talents God really knew what he was doing she commented Most importantly she wants international students to recognize that their culture is valuable even though they are coming to a new place at Biola which might not understand or relate to their culture in the same way When asked about her educational years prior to living abroad she frowns at first Stephanie explains that one of the hardest things about college was a lack of female mentorship or role models in the university setting At the time she attended Biola female professors simply did not have teaching positions the way men did Why wasn t there anyone for me and my friends she mused thinking back to her college years Why weren t there any women in leadership at that time in our lives who we could go to Now Stephanie and her friends are in positions of leadership at Biola solidifying their place as female mentors and professors to current students This does not negate the strong relationships these women built with their male colleagues and professors during college but it is a reminder of their lack of opportunities to bond with female colleagues and professors along with how much progress has been made since then Stephanie hopes that other women will see the importance of learning from role models as they progress through their twenties She was greatly shaped by the advice and help of others and wishes more young people to experience this opportunity Biola really helped me to be who I am in Christ and use the gifts and talents God has given me Stephanie said She explained that while she originally entered Biola as a timid student who avoided chances to speak in front of other people she felt encouraged over time to share her perspective Similarly her hope is that current students will be able to step into their talents and skills as they are encouraged in their time at Biola WRITER ERIN WILSON PHOTOGRAPHY MARIKA ADAMOPOULOS EMILY ROBERTS COPY EDITOR JUBILEE PHAM XUAN shotgun magazine 18
faculty feature STEPHANIE SANFORD S tephanie s eyes twinkle when she smiles which is often Her voice raises with excitement at practically every question demonstrating her willing attitude to share life experience with eager college students She is open to listening as much as she is ready to discuss any aspect of her life My life is one big mess of journey by the Lord she exclaimed early on Currently Stephanie is the Director of Global Student Programming and Development at Biola which essentially means she helps any international students in their transition from life abroad into life at Biola Stephanie s face breaks into a grin when she talks about her students her love for them is palpable in the descriptions she provides of their growth and training She invites students into her life in personal ways by meeting with them regularly one on one or bringing them into her home After college Stephanie lived abroad in a Muslim country and worked in a church planting team which opened her heart to international students She then received her master s in the U S and taught as a professor for a number of years before accepting the position at Biola It was this amazing synergy of all my gifts and talents God really knew what he was doing she commented Most importantly she wants international students to recognize that their culture is valuable even though they are coming to a new place at Biola which might not understand or relate to their culture in the same way When asked about her educational years prior to living abroad she frowns at first Stephanie explains that one of the hardest things about college was a lack of female mentorship or role models in the university setting At the time she attended Biola female professors simply did not have teaching positions the way men did Why wasn t there anyone for me and my friends she mused thinking back to her college years Why weren t there any women in leadership at that time in our lives who we could go to Now Stephanie and her friends are in positions of leadership at Biola solidifying their place as female mentors and professors to current students This does not negate the strong relationships these women built with their male colleagues and professors during college but it is a reminder of their lack of opportunities to bond with female colleagues and professors along with how much progress has been made since then Stephanie hopes that other women will see the importance of learning from role models as they progress through their twenties She was greatly shaped by the advice and help of others and wishes more young people to experience this opportunity Biola really helped me to be who I am in Christ and use the gifts and talents God has given me Stephanie said She explained that while she originally entered Biola as a timid student who avoided chances to speak in front of other people she felt encouraged over time to share her perspective Similarly her hope is that current students will be able to step into their talents and skills as they are encouraged in their time at Biola WRITER ERIN WILSON PHOTOGRAPHY MARIKA ADAMOPOULOS EMILY ROBERTS COPY EDITOR JUBILEE PHAM XUAN shotgun magazine 18
S tanding at approximately 5 5 with dark rich skin and reddish mid length dreadlocks is Dr Jamie Campbell who is Interim Dean of Humanities and Social Sciences at Biola University However her dream of working in a law firm came to a brutal halt as she dealt with failure for the first time in her life I did not pass the BAR exam I ve never failed anything in my life Nobody expected me to not pass the BAR I least of all did not expect myself to not pass the BAR For the majority of her childhood through early adult years Campbell resided in Japan where her parents were and still are missionaries who are active on the mission field as well as in education as her parents have a K 12 school which they ve had for the last 23 years While Campbell was doing case work in the midst of studying to take the BAR a second time her husband told her that he was interested in coming to Biola to study for a theology degree During his time at Biola he saw an ad for a position in Torrey However at the time Campbell was not interested in coming back to Biola yet her husband was adamant about her applying Campbell says that she entered a time in her life that can only be described as wrestling with God My husband describes it as a three month period where I would go to bed and it was like I was crying and praying and fighting with God at night Eventually she felt led to apply but it was not without cost It was a six figure pay cut Sixteen years ago Campbell moved to the US where she began her undergraduate degree at Biola University as a Torrey Honors student While the weight of making it through Torrey successful is usually enough to curb the appetite of extra curricular activities for an ordinary student it was not enough for Campbell who s ambitious nature is infectious and inspiring On top of the rigorous academic expectations of being a Torrey Honors student Campbell was involved in Biola s Student Orientation Services a resident advisor for two years served as a teacher s assistant worked as a student worker played intramural sports and advised for Biola s Student Missionary Union short term mission trips teams Campbell who had her foot in many doors did not however belong to a specific group that most college African Americans belong to which is the Black Student Association I didn t do Black Student Association It was weird for me I was not black enough at the time I also could not do the Japanese Student Group either I wasn t Japanese enough for them She noted that her identity evolved during her time at Biola which pushed her into the woman that she is today but it was not without a struggle Academically Campbell s ambition did not stop after Biola While she was an undergrad student she was focused on the achievable goal of working as an attorney in Europe at a major law firm She got accepted into the best law school that she could which was Georgetown in Washington D C WRITER LAUREN HALL 19 shotgun magazine faculty feature JAMIE CAMPBELL While she was in the midst of working studying to take the BAR again and applying for a job that she was less thanthrilled to apply for she had a moment where she asked God what He was doing with her life This is not the life I had planned for myself Campbell recounts While she was applying for the job at Biola she was also awaiting the results of her BAR that she took for the second time However prior to receiving her scores she decided to take the job at Biola The next day Campbell received the results of her exam She failed by one point Again As she spent her final days working at the firm preparing to transition to Biola a co worker recalled a conversation they had while Dr Campbell was being hired Her coworker said I remember when you applied for this job you told us that you would do whatever God called you to do with your life Whether that was working for this firm or doing something else that finances were never going to be an issue for you to follow God As a result Dr Campbell has been working at Biola for eight years Campbell explains That time in my life feels like a dream now The things I cared about in my early twenties were proving my legitimacy and escaping the poverty that my parents grew up in and that I grew up in For Campbell the last eight years have been a journey of trust in God but that does mean that it does not come with doubt towards what God has called her to which she explains she experiences from time to time Campbell realized that her life and goals in being an attorney all pointed back to her It was so about me she said regretfully And this job at Biola has almost nothing to do with me PHOTOGRAPHY BROOKS GINNAN COPY EDITOR CARLY EVANS shotgun magazine 20
S tanding at approximately 5 5 with dark rich skin and reddish mid length dreadlocks is Dr Jamie Campbell who is Interim Dean of Humanities and Social Sciences at Biola University However her dream of working in a law firm came to a brutal halt as she dealt with failure for the first time in her life I did not pass the BAR exam I ve never failed anything in my life Nobody expected me to not pass the BAR I least of all did not expect myself to not pass the BAR For the majority of her childhood through early adult years Campbell resided in Japan where her parents were and still are missionaries who are active on the mission field as well as in education as her parents have a K 12 school which they ve had for the last 23 years While Campbell was doing case work in the midst of studying to take the BAR a second time her husband told her that he was interested in coming to Biola to study for a theology degree During his time at Biola he saw an ad for a position in Torrey However at the time Campbell was not interested in coming back to Biola yet her husband was adamant about her applying Campbell says that she entered a time in her life that can only be described as wrestling with God My husband describes it as a three month period where I would go to bed and it was like I was crying and praying and fighting with God at night Eventually she felt led to apply but it was not without cost It was a six figure pay cut Sixteen years ago Campbell moved to the US where she began her undergraduate degree at Biola University as a Torrey Honors student While the weight of making it through Torrey successful is usually enough to curb the appetite of extra curricular activities for an ordinary student it was not enough for Campbell who s ambitious nature is infectious and inspiring On top of the rigorous academic expectations of being a Torrey Honors student Campbell was involved in Biola s Student Orientation Services a resident advisor for two years served as a teacher s assistant worked as a student worker played intramural sports and advised for Biola s Student Missionary Union short term mission trips teams Campbell who had her foot in many doors did not however belong to a specific group that most college African Americans belong to which is the Black Student Association I didn t do Black Student Association It was weird for me I was not black enough at the time I also could not do the Japanese Student Group either I wasn t Japanese enough for them She noted that her identity evolved during her time at Biola which pushed her into the woman that she is today but it was not without a struggle Academically Campbell s ambition did not stop after Biola While she was an undergrad student she was focused on the achievable goal of working as an attorney in Europe at a major law firm She got accepted into the best law school that she could which was Georgetown in Washington D C WRITER LAUREN HALL 19 shotgun magazine faculty feature JAMIE CAMPBELL While she was in the midst of working studying to take the BAR again and applying for a job that she was less thanthrilled to apply for she had a moment where she asked God what He was doing with her life This is not the life I had planned for myself Campbell recounts While she was applying for the job at Biola she was also awaiting the results of her BAR that she took for the second time However prior to receiving her scores she decided to take the job at Biola The next day Campbell received the results of her exam She failed by one point Again As she spent her final days working at the firm preparing to transition to Biola a co worker recalled a conversation they had while Dr Campbell was being hired Her coworker said I remember when you applied for this job you told us that you would do whatever God called you to do with your life Whether that was working for this firm or doing something else that finances were never going to be an issue for you to follow God As a result Dr Campbell has been working at Biola for eight years Campbell explains That time in my life feels like a dream now The things I cared about in my early twenties were proving my legitimacy and escaping the poverty that my parents grew up in and that I grew up in For Campbell the last eight years have been a journey of trust in God but that does mean that it does not come with doubt towards what God has called her to which she explains she experiences from time to time Campbell realized that her life and goals in being an attorney all pointed back to her It was so about me she said regretfully And this job at Biola has almost nothing to do with me PHOTOGRAPHY BROOKS GINNAN COPY EDITOR CARLY EVANS shotgun magazine 20
INTERGENERATIONAL INTRODUCTION BY ALEX BELL Aging is both familiar and a mystery to girls in their twenties By this stage in our life we ve read through books on puberty like The Care and Keeping of You we ve tried out side bangs and even moved away from home But there s still a lot we don t know about many stages of life In this section we engage this tension These three stories address the different stages of life We hope our words provide solidarity and insight shotgun magazine PHOTOGRAPH BY KEANU BANAYAT 22
INTERGENERATIONAL INTRODUCTION BY ALEX BELL Aging is both familiar and a mystery to girls in their twenties By this stage in our life we ve read through books on puberty like The Care and Keeping of You we ve tried out side bangs and even moved away from home But there s still a lot we don t know about many stages of life In this section we engage this tension These three stories address the different stages of life We hope our words provide solidarity and insight shotgun magazine PHOTOGRAPH BY KEANU BANAYAT 22
I took my thumb and measured how wide Polly Pocket s thighs were Polly Pocket s thighs are exactly the same width as her calves I looked down at my legs and saw that my thighs were much bigger than my calves I frowned Maybe my calves will fix when I grow into them I saw my sister pick up my favorite Polly Pocket outfit Hannah stop You can t have all the clothes My mom began telling Mrs Joiner how pretty that Donnelly girl had gotten because she had grown out of her baby fat Maybe I just have baby fat That must be it I just know one day I ll be beautiful And everyone knew I was little and that I had baby fat so they can t think I ll just be this way forever Except for Mrs Joiner Mrs Joiner I said to interrupt her from still laughing about her sausage story you know I am only eight I don t know why Mrs Joiner looked so taken aback I was just telling her so that she would know that I won t always have thighs that are bigger than my calves because one day I ll be older and beautiful That s nice dear Quite a young lady you are She smiled at my mom I looked down Well that is not good I didn t know eight was a young lady Hopefully I ll still have time to grow out of my chubby years I didn t want to always be too big for Hannah s blow up horses but not old enough to do big girl things I must one day get to be beautiful I m littler than you and mom said you can t bully me Hannah I m not bullying you just let s split up all the Polly Pocket stuff evenly and get to playing I sighed and saw that Hannah was smiling to herself like she knew I couldn t do anything Whatever Polly Pocket looked better in this anyway Girls come to the table Mrs Joiner just pulled up and all the food is on the table BUT SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL As we prayed I peeked under the table and saw that Mrs Joiner s thighs splayed out and definitely were bigger than her calves I looked above the table and saw her large armslike skin falling off the chicken bone She needs fixing too I lowered my eyes when I saw my mother eyeing me Amen Chewing on a snap pea I swung my legs in my seat I looked down and saw my thighs again remembering how pretty Polly Pocket was and thought about how my thighs looked like overstuffed sausages Like when they re in the pan and so hot and sizzling they re bursting from within the skin I giggled picturing everyone walking with sausages as legs I kept looking at Mrs Joiner the way her spit sometimes got caught on her fork when she brought food to her mouth and the redness on her cheeks She sure took a lot of the mashed potatoes I chewed on the pea and scrunched my face to say Sausages M A S S A C H U S E T S I spelled correctly I stuck my tongue out at my brother for fumbling when he tried to spell it to my mom My mom smiled at me and Mrs Joiner clapped 23 ALLISON CURTIN shotgun magazine What are you laughing at you crazy person asked my brother Those at the table laughed and I kept swinging my legs listening to Mrs Joiner tell of when she once went to Italy and bought seventy pounds of sausages because her Italian was so bad I wonder if she ate them all herself And peas on earth to men I laughed at my brother as he held up his snap peas It was supposed to be peace on earth that was funny As my mother got up from the table holding an empty plate with remnants of the rolls she touched her stomach Well I just ate too much I just can t stop putting on the weight with such good food out there My mom wiggled her arms to show that she jiggled Mrs Joiner and my mom laughed I looked at my mom She was beautiful Her arms smelled of lavender from the scrub she let me use one time and felt so soft on my cheeks I frowned We will have to really work at that Body Bootcamp this Wednesday to compensate Especially with that ice cream I ve been eyeing on the counter over there Dana Mrs Joiner nodded her head to the dessert and my mother laughed You know Cath there s brownies in the oven too My mother said to Mrs Joiner s reflection in the window at the sink smirking As Mrs Joiner laughed I saw my mother frown at her reflection fix her hair and touch her stomach again I looked at my mom She was beautiful I smiled at Mrs Joiner when she asked me about the talent show at the school I get to do the whole Preamble to the Constitution and in front of the whole school Mrs joiner wowed and said that she couldn t wait to hear me perform I sniffed as the timer for the oven went off and wiggled in the chair I love brownies Go clean up your toys girls while the brownies cool I didn t want to but mother eyed me I hopped off my chair and raced my sister to the toy houses and dolls I always win Beautiful Polly Pocket She does have perfect calves and thighs I frown deeper as I put all of Polly s houses cars and clothes away I feel sad After dessert my sister asks to play more Polly Pockets but I say no I feel sleepy and full from eating Maybe I ll go in my room and try on my new outfit for the talent show If I stand in the mirror on the back of the door maybe I can find the right angle that makes my calves look more like my thighs PHOTOGRAPH BY RACHEL STANLEY
I took my thumb and measured how wide Polly Pocket s thighs were Polly Pocket s thighs are exactly the same width as her calves I looked down at my legs and saw that my thighs were much bigger than my calves I frowned Maybe my calves will fix when I grow into them I saw my sister pick up my favorite Polly Pocket outfit Hannah stop You can t have all the clothes My mom began telling Mrs Joiner how pretty that Donnelly girl had gotten because she had grown out of her baby fat Maybe I just have baby fat That must be it I just know one day I ll be beautiful And everyone knew I was little and that I had baby fat so they can t think I ll just be this way forever Except for Mrs Joiner Mrs Joiner I said to interrupt her from still laughing about her sausage story you know I am only eight I don t know why Mrs Joiner looked so taken aback I was just telling her so that she would know that I won t always have thighs that are bigger than my calves because one day I ll be older and beautiful That s nice dear Quite a young lady you are She smiled at my mom I looked down Well that is not good I didn t know eight was a young lady Hopefully I ll still have time to grow out of my chubby years I didn t want to always be too big for Hannah s blow up horses but not old enough to do big girl things I must one day get to be beautiful I m littler than you and mom said you can t bully me Hannah I m not bullying you just let s split up all the Polly Pocket stuff evenly and get to playing I sighed and saw that Hannah was smiling to herself like she knew I couldn t do anything Whatever Polly Pocket looked better in this anyway Girls come to the table Mrs Joiner just pulled up and all the food is on the table BUT SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL As we prayed I peeked under the table and saw that Mrs Joiner s thighs splayed out and definitely were bigger than her calves I looked above the table and saw her large armslike skin falling off the chicken bone She needs fixing too I lowered my eyes when I saw my mother eyeing me Amen Chewing on a snap pea I swung my legs in my seat I looked down and saw my thighs again remembering how pretty Polly Pocket was and thought about how my thighs looked like overstuffed sausages Like when they re in the pan and so hot and sizzling they re bursting from within the skin I giggled picturing everyone walking with sausages as legs I kept looking at Mrs Joiner the way her spit sometimes got caught on her fork when she brought food to her mouth and the redness on her cheeks She sure took a lot of the mashed potatoes I chewed on the pea and scrunched my face to say Sausages M A S S A C H U S E T S I spelled correctly I stuck my tongue out at my brother for fumbling when he tried to spell it to my mom My mom smiled at me and Mrs Joiner clapped 23 ALLISON CURTIN shotgun magazine What are you laughing at you crazy person asked my brother Those at the table laughed and I kept swinging my legs listening to Mrs Joiner tell of when she once went to Italy and bought seventy pounds of sausages because her Italian was so bad I wonder if she ate them all herself And peas on earth to men I laughed at my brother as he held up his snap peas It was supposed to be peace on earth that was funny As my mother got up from the table holding an empty plate with remnants of the rolls she touched her stomach Well I just ate too much I just can t stop putting on the weight with such good food out there My mom wiggled her arms to show that she jiggled Mrs Joiner and my mom laughed I looked at my mom She was beautiful Her arms smelled of lavender from the scrub she let me use one time and felt so soft on my cheeks I frowned We will have to really work at that Body Bootcamp this Wednesday to compensate Especially with that ice cream I ve been eyeing on the counter over there Dana Mrs Joiner nodded her head to the dessert and my mother laughed You know Cath there s brownies in the oven too My mother said to Mrs Joiner s reflection in the window at the sink smirking As Mrs Joiner laughed I saw my mother frown at her reflection fix her hair and touch her stomach again I looked at my mom She was beautiful I smiled at Mrs Joiner when she asked me about the talent show at the school I get to do the whole Preamble to the Constitution and in front of the whole school Mrs joiner wowed and said that she couldn t wait to hear me perform I sniffed as the timer for the oven went off and wiggled in the chair I love brownies Go clean up your toys girls while the brownies cool I didn t want to but mother eyed me I hopped off my chair and raced my sister to the toy houses and dolls I always win Beautiful Polly Pocket She does have perfect calves and thighs I frown deeper as I put all of Polly s houses cars and clothes away I feel sad After dessert my sister asks to play more Polly Pockets but I say no I feel sleepy and full from eating Maybe I ll go in my room and try on my new outfit for the talent show If I stand in the mirror on the back of the door maybe I can find the right angle that makes my calves look more like my thighs PHOTOGRAPH BY RACHEL STANLEY
WHERE A FLOWER BLOOMS LEILANI BANUELOS This past September I had the privilege of entering into the second decade of my life Every birthday we are asked that monotonous question How does it feel to be ___ years old If I were to answer honestly turning the age of twenty actually felt different This shift derived from the introduction of new pressures such as bills friendships love beauty politics the heaviness of this life became no secret The world shamelessly showed me that transitioning into a new chapter of my life would come with many joys and many trials so I began this growth by asking myself How do I remain resilient through it all Who exactly am I I am a woman who loves moments stuck in time photography and living in the center of history I love nostalgia and how it challenges me to ponder deeply on past and present moments to make sure that I never take them for granted I try to allow myself to be shaped by my experiences I love hard and I care deeply In all quality time and self reflection with God has been vital in my self discovery process and in establishing who I am But still I ask is who I am of enough value for the world around me Upon this life reflection with my mom and a couple of aunts whom are all women warriors I was inspired to dream big in my endeavors while simultaneously nervous to become haunted with both regret and inadequacy In ten years I want to be able to be envious of my nostalgia rather than be overwhelmed by what could have been I decided that in order to be abstain from a dissatisfied life in my twenties I I needed to exercise the elements of progression I needed to begin self discovery So as I turn twenty I reflect 25 shotgun magazine Discovering who you are is definitely easier said than done Any type of process consists of a compilation of actions needed to reach a certain end Therefore we see that in order for one to reach a goal there are steps that need to be taken a series of actions need to occur To gain more insight on this discovery process we can take a look at the literal process of a flower blooming This process is all about maturation and growth By allowing themselves to bloom they are allowing pollination to start which will ultimately assist other flowers to be able to maintain their exposure So we see that a flower cannot begin the process of growth without the assistance of others And that their growth aids other s growth We also see this true in regards to ourselves We too need safe spaces that allow us to be authentic with others which will ultimately act as our and others catalyst for growth As with self discovery one cannot blossom alone PHOTOGRAPH BY RACHEL STANLEY
WHERE A FLOWER BLOOMS LEILANI BANUELOS This past September I had the privilege of entering into the second decade of my life Every birthday we are asked that monotonous question How does it feel to be ___ years old If I were to answer honestly turning the age of twenty actually felt different This shift derived from the introduction of new pressures such as bills friendships love beauty politics the heaviness of this life became no secret The world shamelessly showed me that transitioning into a new chapter of my life would come with many joys and many trials so I began this growth by asking myself How do I remain resilient through it all Who exactly am I I am a woman who loves moments stuck in time photography and living in the center of history I love nostalgia and how it challenges me to ponder deeply on past and present moments to make sure that I never take them for granted I try to allow myself to be shaped by my experiences I love hard and I care deeply In all quality time and self reflection with God has been vital in my self discovery process and in establishing who I am But still I ask is who I am of enough value for the world around me Upon this life reflection with my mom and a couple of aunts whom are all women warriors I was inspired to dream big in my endeavors while simultaneously nervous to become haunted with both regret and inadequacy In ten years I want to be able to be envious of my nostalgia rather than be overwhelmed by what could have been I decided that in order to be abstain from a dissatisfied life in my twenties I I needed to exercise the elements of progression I needed to begin self discovery So as I turn twenty I reflect 25 shotgun magazine Discovering who you are is definitely easier said than done Any type of process consists of a compilation of actions needed to reach a certain end Therefore we see that in order for one to reach a goal there are steps that need to be taken a series of actions need to occur To gain more insight on this discovery process we can take a look at the literal process of a flower blooming This process is all about maturation and growth By allowing themselves to bloom they are allowing pollination to start which will ultimately assist other flowers to be able to maintain their exposure So we see that a flower cannot begin the process of growth without the assistance of others And that their growth aids other s growth We also see this true in regards to ourselves We too need safe spaces that allow us to be authentic with others which will ultimately act as our and others catalyst for growth As with self discovery one cannot blossom alone PHOTOGRAPH BY RACHEL STANLEY
ELDER ALEX BELL PHOTOGRAPH BY KEANU BANAYAT Ever since I was seven years old I thought my grandmother was going to die She s had a list of ailments since before I was born but when I was seven I really understood In fact that s when I became a writer Much of my young writing life was me sitting in my room trying to understand what the day after her death would be like and much of the beginning of my spirituality was me praying she would get better 27 shotgun magazine Today I m twenty one and my sweet Winnie still lives I guess all of this goes to say that as a twenty one year old I have already spent most of my life in fear I don t know a lot about being old but I do know that when I get to the age where I have earned a pair of soft wrinkled hands I want to be able to say that I didn t spend most of my life in fear shotgun magazine 28
ELDER ALEX BELL PHOTOGRAPH BY KEANU BANAYAT Ever since I was seven years old I thought my grandmother was going to die She s had a list of ailments since before I was born but when I was seven I really understood In fact that s when I became a writer Much of my young writing life was me sitting in my room trying to understand what the day after her death would be like and much of the beginning of my spirituality was me praying she would get better 27 shotgun magazine Today I m twenty one and my sweet Winnie still lives I guess all of this goes to say that as a twenty one year old I have already spent most of my life in fear I don t know a lot about being old but I do know that when I get to the age where I have earned a pair of soft wrinkled hands I want to be able to say that I didn t spend most of my life in fear shotgun magazine 28
REDEEMING WOMEN Allison Curtin According to Bible Women All Their Words and Why they Matter women in the Bible speak a total of 14 056 words 1 There are 188 named women in the Bible and many unnamed throughout the stories From the well known Mary mother of Jesus to the lesser known Maacha the second wife of King Rehoboam and the most loved of his concubines2 women have their stories in the Gospel If you google redemption of women in the Bible as I have done you will find that most of the articles and blogs written on the subject are about the story of Ruth While her story is truly a testament to God s plan of redemption through Ruth s following and heart of service what I was really searching for was redemption of culture interacting with women keep reading it gets even better However scrolling through the pages of Google treasures a 2013 Baylor publication by Junia Pokrifka stood out to me The snippet of information introducing the article states In light of the biblical grand narrative of redemption and restorative justice patriarchy and androcentrism can no longer be seen as normative but as regrettable conditions that God and God s human agents are working to overcome 3 This intrigued me I began to search I read our beautiful Scriptures hoping to find beautiful women women that were much like those in my own life strong kind powerful and treasured by God And I found them The length of this will allow for the stories of two such women Deborah and Vashti Their countenance reaction to a culture that subordinates them and their redemption not in spite of Christ but because of Christ is evident shotgun magazine 30
REDEEMING WOMEN Allison Curtin According to Bible Women All Their Words and Why they Matter women in the Bible speak a total of 14 056 words 1 There are 188 named women in the Bible and many unnamed throughout the stories From the well known Mary mother of Jesus to the lesser known Maacha the second wife of King Rehoboam and the most loved of his concubines2 women have their stories in the Gospel If you google redemption of women in the Bible as I have done you will find that most of the articles and blogs written on the subject are about the story of Ruth While her story is truly a testament to God s plan of redemption through Ruth s following and heart of service what I was really searching for was redemption of culture interacting with women keep reading it gets even better However scrolling through the pages of Google treasures a 2013 Baylor publication by Junia Pokrifka stood out to me The snippet of information introducing the article states In light of the biblical grand narrative of redemption and restorative justice patriarchy and androcentrism can no longer be seen as normative but as regrettable conditions that God and God s human agents are working to overcome 3 This intrigued me I began to search I read our beautiful Scriptures hoping to find beautiful women women that were much like those in my own life strong kind powerful and treasured by God And I found them The length of this will allow for the stories of two such women Deborah and Vashti Their countenance reaction to a culture that subordinates them and their redemption not in spite of Christ but because of Christ is evident shotgun magazine 30
THE JUDGE In Judges 4 we are brought into a story of a people that are lethargic to justice and God s calling Deborah summons Barak a military commander to her court which was under a palm tree between Ramah and Bethel in Ephraim Barak comes to Deborah s palm where she lays down the words that convict Barak She tells Barak to take heed of God s command to lead the attack against Canaan Barak then pleads Deborah to accompany him into the fight stating that he will not attack unless she goes Deborah promptly agrees as this buzzing boss would and they win the fight Because of Deborah s righteous command and conviction to Barak the land has peace for forty years 5 After charismatically leading people in wisdom toward Christ charging conviction to a military leader and going into battle of which victory was their fuel Deborah partakes in the poetry of Judges 5 Deborah greatly reminds me of the wellrounded exceptional women that walk around me She reminds me of the busy bees of women who juggle emotional counseling Chick fil A runs 18 unit loads part time or full time jobs romantic relationships encouragement from others to take heed of their calling and so much more The historian and theologian Forster found in his book Palestinian Judaism in New Testament Times The most striking thing about the role of women in the life and teaching of Jesus is the simple fact that they are there Although the gospel texts contain no special sayings repudiating the view of the day about women their uniform testimony to the presence of women among the followers of Jesus and to his serious teaching of them constitutes a break with tradition which has been described as being without precedent in then contemporary Judaism 6 The Jesus that redeems by the cross treated women with respect and eternal life in mind i e John 4 Jesus did not give any explicit statements on the roles of women in the church but his actions of treating women just as He would treat anyone else is a testament to his inclusion and love of women 31 shotgun magazine THE QUEEN Vashti the first wife of King Ahasuerus as told in the Book of Esther7 was much like the meaning of her name beautiful woman 8 She was strong She was confident She was dignified And she knew when disobedience was actually acting in freedom of being loved While Esther is normally considered the protagonist the story of Vashti compels the understanding that her culture expected her to have not rights However she stood up to that lie Her story is a picture of a culture that disregarded this beautiful queen s privacy Vashti s husband while at a banquet in Susa a citadel in Persia was drunk with wine The King commanded that Vashti appear before all the dignitaries so that the intoxicated lords could lust after her This was a gross insult to Vashti of course but was also directly against the practice of Eastern women who were accustomed to live in seclusion The King in the context of the situation demanded that Vashti surrender her honor Vashti refused She disobeyed yet she disobeyed with the knowledge that only her husband had the right to see her beauty for honor even if it meant refusing a king The king mad that his wife was the first woman to dare to disobey him was livid But Vashti knew her rights Biola s own Professor Allen Yeh remarks on a Redemptive Movement of women in the Bible 9 He notes that the Old Testament gives women a greater standing than the Ancient Near Eastern world around them Because of their God fearing calling women are held in higher respect and given better rights than the surrounding people Yeh shows that women in the Ancient Near Eastern world did not have rights and could be sold as slaves to any male whereas Exodus 21 7 11 places checks on this for women in the Israeli faith Deuteronomy 24 1 4 and Isaiah 50 1 show the protection clauses that are given to women in the Old Testament which protected women when their husbands wanted to divorce them as they had no societal or legal rights Women had very little ownership over their lives in the Old Testament but the fact that God s provision for women is in the midst of this begins the timeline of redeeming a culture that does not see women in high regard Culture and societal practices stripped women of rights but God s impact began to redeem those rights and moved culture toward a higher respect This movement continues in the New Testament where Professor Yeh sees that it gives even more standing to women than in the Old Testament There is a progression of redeeming cultural views on women through God s provisions Professor Yeh cites Galatians 3 28 that lifts up women as equal to men at least in soteriological terms While this is not enough it is an understanding that God s redemption for all people includes women and that underlying ideal begins to move culture into an eternal mindset If women are redeemed and given eternal life equally then a movement toward society s view on their rights begins to develop shotgun magazine 32
THE JUDGE In Judges 4 we are brought into a story of a people that are lethargic to justice and God s calling Deborah summons Barak a military commander to her court which was under a palm tree between Ramah and Bethel in Ephraim Barak comes to Deborah s palm where she lays down the words that convict Barak She tells Barak to take heed of God s command to lead the attack against Canaan Barak then pleads Deborah to accompany him into the fight stating that he will not attack unless she goes Deborah promptly agrees as this buzzing boss would and they win the fight Because of Deborah s righteous command and conviction to Barak the land has peace for forty years 5 After charismatically leading people in wisdom toward Christ charging conviction to a military leader and going into battle of which victory was their fuel Deborah partakes in the poetry of Judges 5 Deborah greatly reminds me of the wellrounded exceptional women that walk around me She reminds me of the busy bees of women who juggle emotional counseling Chick fil A runs 18 unit loads part time or full time jobs romantic relationships encouragement from others to take heed of their calling and so much more The historian and theologian Forster found in his book Palestinian Judaism in New Testament Times The most striking thing about the role of women in the life and teaching of Jesus is the simple fact that they are there Although the gospel texts contain no special sayings repudiating the view of the day about women their uniform testimony to the presence of women among the followers of Jesus and to his serious teaching of them constitutes a break with tradition which has been described as being without precedent in then contemporary Judaism 6 The Jesus that redeems by the cross treated women with respect and eternal life in mind i e John 4 Jesus did not give any explicit statements on the roles of women in the church but his actions of treating women just as He would treat anyone else is a testament to his inclusion and love of women 31 shotgun magazine THE QUEEN Vashti the first wife of King Ahasuerus as told in the Book of Esther7 was much like the meaning of her name beautiful woman 8 She was strong She was confident She was dignified And she knew when disobedience was actually acting in freedom of being loved While Esther is normally considered the protagonist the story of Vashti compels the understanding that her culture expected her to have not rights However she stood up to that lie Her story is a picture of a culture that disregarded this beautiful queen s privacy Vashti s husband while at a banquet in Susa a citadel in Persia was drunk with wine The King commanded that Vashti appear before all the dignitaries so that the intoxicated lords could lust after her This was a gross insult to Vashti of course but was also directly against the practice of Eastern women who were accustomed to live in seclusion The King in the context of the situation demanded that Vashti surrender her honor Vashti refused She disobeyed yet she disobeyed with the knowledge that only her husband had the right to see her beauty for honor even if it meant refusing a king The king mad that his wife was the first woman to dare to disobey him was livid But Vashti knew her rights Biola s own Professor Allen Yeh remarks on a Redemptive Movement of women in the Bible 9 He notes that the Old Testament gives women a greater standing than the Ancient Near Eastern world around them Because of their God fearing calling women are held in higher respect and given better rights than the surrounding people Yeh shows that women in the Ancient Near Eastern world did not have rights and could be sold as slaves to any male whereas Exodus 21 7 11 places checks on this for women in the Israeli faith Deuteronomy 24 1 4 and Isaiah 50 1 show the protection clauses that are given to women in the Old Testament which protected women when their husbands wanted to divorce them as they had no societal or legal rights Women had very little ownership over their lives in the Old Testament but the fact that God s provision for women is in the midst of this begins the timeline of redeeming a culture that does not see women in high regard Culture and societal practices stripped women of rights but God s impact began to redeem those rights and moved culture toward a higher respect This movement continues in the New Testament where Professor Yeh sees that it gives even more standing to women than in the Old Testament There is a progression of redeeming cultural views on women through God s provisions Professor Yeh cites Galatians 3 28 that lifts up women as equal to men at least in soteriological terms While this is not enough it is an understanding that God s redemption for all people includes women and that underlying ideal begins to move culture into an eternal mindset If women are redeemed and given eternal life equally then a movement toward society s view on their rights begins to develop shotgun magazine 32
Professor Yeh also cites 1 Corinthians 11 11 12 to show that women and men are interdependent and neither can claim to be superior to the other as a result The difference in men and women especially in the ways they are treated in culture are not universally set in stone are not always hierarchical and do not always bar women from stepping outside of traditional roles Men and women are different They are created with beautiful giftings and distinctions However these distinctions are not a reason to have less freedom but to be an element of freedom There have been interpretations and views of the Bible that see that disregard as prescriptive of how our society should view women today However Professor Yeh challenges this notion and states that the lack of rights given to women in the Bible is descriptive and not prescriptive of a culture that had societal practices God s workings to redeem that culture of their view on women show that women are in Jesus ministry John 4 Matthew 15 22 28 John 8 add to the church ministry Romans 16 7 Philippians 4 2 3 and are loved by a God that created women to be loved With this movement from a more constricting Old Testament to a less constricting New Testament that can continue to give back freedoms to women Professor Yeh notes Therefore according to the Redemptive Movement Hermeneutic if you extrapolate to the present women should be even more lifted up and dignified that they were in the New Testament and the New Testament made women even more lifted up and dignified than they were in the Old Testament After all if women were made subordinate to men because of the Curse after Original Sin Genesis 3 do we want to perpetuate the Curse I think I d rather want to break the Curse A POEM ABOUT HEARTBREAK Hannah Liszewski I don t want to re live this but it feels like home So I go back and I go back Until I learn what I already know going home isn t always the best place to go This piece in this magazine is but a beginning of a presentation on research and study on the redemption of cultural views on women and their role in God s grand narrative of redemption The beauty of women is not in who they are but in the God they serve and are loved by Do not confuse a culture s actions with God s love All creations have a part in the redemption of God s salvation We as followers of Christ are to partake in the upward calling to be redeemed and in the outward need to further redemption The Gospel is recreated in our relationships with one another where both women and men are redeemed Celebrate and shout joyfully to the Lord all the earth Serve the Lord with gladness Come before Him with joyful singing 10 Women are beautiful Let s break the Curse 1 Freeman Bible Women All Their Words and Why They matter 2014 2 2 Chronicles 11 20 3 Pokrifka Redeeming Women in the Grand Narrative of Scripture 2013 4 http www sheknows com baby names name deborah 5 Judges 4 5 6 W Forster Palestinian Judaism in New Testament Time p 124 London 1964 7 Esther 1 2 1 4 17 8 http www sheknows com baby names name vashti 9 Yeh Allen 2016 October Email and personal interview 10 Psalm 100 1 2 ILLUSTRATION LEAH LU COPY EDITOR JUBILEE PHAM MOUNTAIN PHOTOGRAPH KEANU BANAYAT SKY PHOTOGRAPH CARISSA VERA 33 shotgun magazine shotgun magazine 34
Professor Yeh also cites 1 Corinthians 11 11 12 to show that women and men are interdependent and neither can claim to be superior to the other as a result The difference in men and women especially in the ways they are treated in culture are not universally set in stone are not always hierarchical and do not always bar women from stepping outside of traditional roles Men and women are different They are created with beautiful giftings and distinctions However these distinctions are not a reason to have less freedom but to be an element of freedom There have been interpretations and views of the Bible that see that disregard as prescriptive of how our society should view women today However Professor Yeh challenges this notion and states that the lack of rights given to women in the Bible is descriptive and not prescriptive of a culture that had societal practices God s workings to redeem that culture of their view on women show that women are in Jesus ministry John 4 Matthew 15 22 28 John 8 add to the church ministry Romans 16 7 Philippians 4 2 3 and are loved by a God that created women to be loved With this movement from a more constricting Old Testament to a less constricting New Testament that can continue to give back freedoms to women Professor Yeh notes Therefore according to the Redemptive Movement Hermeneutic if you extrapolate to the present women should be even more lifted up and dignified that they were in the New Testament and the New Testament made women even more lifted up and dignified than they were in the Old Testament After all if women were made subordinate to men because of the Curse after Original Sin Genesis 3 do we want to perpetuate the Curse I think I d rather want to break the Curse A POEM ABOUT HEARTBREAK Hannah Liszewski I don t want to re live this but it feels like home So I go back and I go back Until I learn what I already know going home isn t always the best place to go This piece in this magazine is but a beginning of a presentation on research and study on the redemption of cultural views on women and their role in God s grand narrative of redemption The beauty of women is not in who they are but in the God they serve and are loved by Do not confuse a culture s actions with God s love All creations have a part in the redemption of God s salvation We as followers of Christ are to partake in the upward calling to be redeemed and in the outward need to further redemption The Gospel is recreated in our relationships with one another where both women and men are redeemed Celebrate and shout joyfully to the Lord all the earth Serve the Lord with gladness Come before Him with joyful singing 10 Women are beautiful Let s break the Curse 1 Freeman Bible Women All Their Words and Why They matter 2014 2 2 Chronicles 11 20 3 Pokrifka Redeeming Women in the Grand Narrative of Scripture 2013 4 http www sheknows com baby names name deborah 5 Judges 4 5 6 W Forster Palestinian Judaism in New Testament Time p 124 London 1964 7 Esther 1 2 1 4 17 8 http www sheknows com baby names name vashti 9 Yeh Allen 2016 October Email and personal interview 10 Psalm 100 1 2 ILLUSTRATION LEAH LU COPY EDITOR JUBILEE PHAM MOUNTAIN PHOTOGRAPH KEANU BANAYAT SKY PHOTOGRAPH CARISSA VERA 33 shotgun magazine shotgun magazine 34
Dear _______ MY EYES ARE BLUE Anonymous 1 05 a m 4 7 Tonight was his favorite movie That he watched over over and repeated every word And as I sat there spilling my heart He sat there didn t catch it And in that moment i knew he didn t know the color of my eyes 11 32 a m 4 8 Today i woke up The world is still turning i still love you but i will get out of bed And i will go through my day grateful kind You will still be the boy But I am a girl I am alive I am strong Do you remember the drive to Roehampton from Oxford You looked over at me only to see me crying Dear _______ If you don t remember I do You didn t say a word Even though neither of us were speaking I know you were I called you from across Victoria Perez Biola London 2016 connected you instantly knew something was wrong Thank you for telling me that I can succeed even when I m so far away silently praying for peace Dear _______ Because I am not a part of you you are not a part of me And you are not my other half for I am a whole on my own you brought me Thank you for being there now that I m not all about that exchange but I ll never forget the comfort Dear _______ Thank you for telling me that you are here for me in every Dear _______ You ve probably forgotten And in this moment I realized I forgot what color his eyes were Do you remember the day the pond When the call 12 46 p m 4 8 i pushed off my blanket i got out of bed i showered washed off the smell of your skin 5 57 p m 7 4 I fill the heart that I spilled And I mopped it up And I am okay Because I am a girl I am alive I am strong Dear _______ DEAR FRIEND season and I am not alone in my anxiety Thank you for telling me that I am kind and funny For so long I didn t believe I was Dear __________ Do you remember the night you bought me coffee We had just met a few weeks before but I told you I was having a rough day and you showed up at the library less than twenty minutes later with a cup of coffee in your hand 35 shotgun magazine Illustration by Elizabeth Guettner Photograph on 36 by Rachel Stanley
Dear _______ MY EYES ARE BLUE Anonymous 1 05 a m 4 7 Tonight was his favorite movie That he watched over over and repeated every word And as I sat there spilling my heart He sat there didn t catch it And in that moment i knew he didn t know the color of my eyes 11 32 a m 4 8 Today i woke up The world is still turning i still love you but i will get out of bed And i will go through my day grateful kind You will still be the boy But I am a girl I am alive I am strong Do you remember the drive to Roehampton from Oxford You looked over at me only to see me crying Dear _______ If you don t remember I do You didn t say a word Even though neither of us were speaking I know you were I called you from across Victoria Perez Biola London 2016 connected you instantly knew something was wrong Thank you for telling me that I can succeed even when I m so far away silently praying for peace Dear _______ Because I am not a part of you you are not a part of me And you are not my other half for I am a whole on my own you brought me Thank you for being there now that I m not all about that exchange but I ll never forget the comfort Dear _______ Thank you for telling me that you are here for me in every Dear _______ You ve probably forgotten And in this moment I realized I forgot what color his eyes were Do you remember the day the pond When the call 12 46 p m 4 8 i pushed off my blanket i got out of bed i showered washed off the smell of your skin 5 57 p m 7 4 I fill the heart that I spilled And I mopped it up And I am okay Because I am a girl I am alive I am strong Dear _______ DEAR FRIEND season and I am not alone in my anxiety Thank you for telling me that I am kind and funny For so long I didn t believe I was Dear __________ Do you remember the night you bought me coffee We had just met a few weeks before but I told you I was having a rough day and you showed up at the library less than twenty minutes later with a cup of coffee in your hand 35 shotgun magazine Illustration by Elizabeth Guettner Photograph on 36 by Rachel Stanley
THE MEANING BEHIND THE MAGIC CELESTE SCOTT 2016 has quite possibly been the best year to be a black girl We ve made our mark in the fashion world with our luscious Afro s and flowing box braids Our coconut oil enhanced selfies command everyone s attention on social media Solange in all her glittering glory announced to the world that it is not okay to touch our hair And when Beyonc sings Formation we know that she is in fact singing to us To be a black girl in 2016 is to be unwaveringly strong undeniably beautiful and inherently magic I can identify in my own life ways in which this false narrative about black women deeply affected the way I perceived myself I remember wishing when I was young that I looked like the white Barbie dolls I often played with I remember envying my mother s creamy colored skin because it was so much lighter than my own In high school I remember feeling more confident talking to cute boys when my hair was straightened than when my hair was in its natural state And when people made comments such as You re the whitest black girl I know I believed it to be a compliment rather than the microagression that it truly was My blackness was not something I celebrated It was something I tolerated It was hurdle An inconvenience If I were to tell you what it took for me to be brought up out of that toxic way of thinking about myself well that s a story for another time But after much hair cutting Gospel music singing and safespace sitting that occurred in my college years I began to unbelieve the false narrative of my childhood I began to adore my nappy hair my earth toned skin my big plump lips And though these features that I once hated are too often appropriated in the media and though the false narrative of my childhood has never quite been silenced I have a stronger sense of resilience in the face of such battles I am often hyperaware of when I am the only black woman in a room And yet I still speak Men often look right through me or look at me for the wrong all the wrong reasons And still I stand tall People who know very little about me question my credibility and my intelligence And still I strive for greatness shotgun magazine 38
THE MEANING BEHIND THE MAGIC CELESTE SCOTT 2016 has quite possibly been the best year to be a black girl We ve made our mark in the fashion world with our luscious Afro s and flowing box braids Our coconut oil enhanced selfies command everyone s attention on social media Solange in all her glittering glory announced to the world that it is not okay to touch our hair And when Beyonc sings Formation we know that she is in fact singing to us To be a black girl in 2016 is to be unwaveringly strong undeniably beautiful and inherently magic I can identify in my own life ways in which this false narrative about black women deeply affected the way I perceived myself I remember wishing when I was young that I looked like the white Barbie dolls I often played with I remember envying my mother s creamy colored skin because it was so much lighter than my own In high school I remember feeling more confident talking to cute boys when my hair was straightened than when my hair was in its natural state And when people made comments such as You re the whitest black girl I know I believed it to be a compliment rather than the microagression that it truly was My blackness was not something I celebrated It was something I tolerated It was hurdle An inconvenience If I were to tell you what it took for me to be brought up out of that toxic way of thinking about myself well that s a story for another time But after much hair cutting Gospel music singing and safespace sitting that occurred in my college years I began to unbelieve the false narrative of my childhood I began to adore my nappy hair my earth toned skin my big plump lips And though these features that I once hated are too often appropriated in the media and though the false narrative of my childhood has never quite been silenced I have a stronger sense of resilience in the face of such battles I am often hyperaware of when I am the only black woman in a room And yet I still speak Men often look right through me or look at me for the wrong all the wrong reasons And still I stand tall People who know very little about me question my credibility and my intelligence And still I strive for greatness shotgun magazine 38
CLOSING REMARKS BY LAURA IGRAM Director of Student Programming Activities SGA Advisor Each time a woman stands up for herself without knowing it possibly without claiming it she stands up for all women I d be lying however if I told you that this is the way things have always been No no that couldn t be farther from the truth You see the black girl magic phenomenon that we are all so familiar with today did not always exist Though some may view this seemingly exclusive hashtag as unfair or unnecessarily divisive I would argue that black girl magic more than anything is a mechanism for survival in a world where our beauty is too often overlooked It is a cry of resilience A response to the attacks on our worth that we simply will not take any longer For centuries black women have been fed the narrative that we lack value because of our blackness Since the moment we stepped off the boats onto what would soon be called American soil we were raped by slave owners and then left to take care of their children on our own Unlike our white female counterparts who gained the right to vote in 1920 Jim Crow laws prevented us from voting until the 1960 s Even our beauty which is so undeniably present was attacked as well We were tricked into hating the natural hair that grows from our heads being told that we needed to relax our kinks and curls in order to look professional In more recent years several black men have even blatantly stated that their girlfriends of other ethnicities are better than the black women who resemble their very own mothers So where does a cute hashtag like blackgirlmagic fit into all of this exactly The answer lies far beyond any black girl selfies you might find on the Internet Black girl magic is an everyday reminder a virtual tattoo if you will of the re claiming of our beauty and worth as a collective Black girl magic is not we are and you are not it is simply we are The hashtag does not negate the value of other women but simply points to our own value which for so long has been invisible Blackgirlmagic is a bold statement that goes against everything society would have us believe about ourselves It is dangerous It is rebellious And yet it is the thing that keeps many of us going It is a declaration that we too are made in the Imago Dei and it demands that that be acknowledged in every space we enter Black girl magic gives us the confidence we need on bad hair days the assurance we long for when our abilities are questioned and it is the sweet song we need to hear when we feel lonely in this world 39 shotgun magazine PHOTOGRAPHY ALEX BELL Maya Angelou If you ve ever met me you know I m not short on opinions about all sorts of things I ve always been hopelessly resolute about what I think is the best way never mind evidence that might prove otherwise As a child needless to say this characteristic landed me in trouble quite a bit Often I was told I was bossy and sometimes I was told I was disrespectful As I ve gotten older and wiser my capacity to form a strong viewpoint hasn t changed Instead it has both deepened and strengthened though hopefully my delivery has improved somewhat And yet when I was a woman in my early twenties I would not have had the grace or tenacity to create this marvelous work you hold in your hands These young women know things about themselves and the world that I am still figuring out They have joined together racial and ethnic identity cultures backgrounds and life experiences to contribute something good to the world We are the fortunate recipients of their hard work the product of countless brainstorming meetings text messages and writing sessions likely squeezed in between late night last minute papers and morning chapels In a society that often encourages unhealthy competition among women it is not lost on me that this group of women worked together not against each other to claim their collective voice These women show us how to make space for each other to stand up for themselves and therefore for me The thing I wish I understood earlier in life is that I am the woman I am because I stand on the shoulders of women who came before me my grandmothers mother aunts older sisters teachers and church ladies And I am doing the important work of clearing a path for those to come after me my students nieces my friends daughters and daughters I hope to have one day The brilliant young women who contributed to this publication already knew this about themselves and each other I am not afraid for our future ART MARIKA ADAMOPOULOS shotgun magazine 40
CLOSING REMARKS BY LAURA IGRAM Director of Student Programming Activities SGA Advisor Each time a woman stands up for herself without knowing it possibly without claiming it she stands up for all women I d be lying however if I told you that this is the way things have always been No no that couldn t be farther from the truth You see the black girl magic phenomenon that we are all so familiar with today did not always exist Though some may view this seemingly exclusive hashtag as unfair or unnecessarily divisive I would argue that black girl magic more than anything is a mechanism for survival in a world where our beauty is too often overlooked It is a cry of resilience A response to the attacks on our worth that we simply will not take any longer For centuries black women have been fed the narrative that we lack value because of our blackness Since the moment we stepped off the boats onto what would soon be called American soil we were raped by slave owners and then left to take care of their children on our own Unlike our white female counterparts who gained the right to vote in 1920 Jim Crow laws prevented us from voting until the 1960 s Even our beauty which is so undeniably present was attacked as well We were tricked into hating the natural hair that grows from our heads being told that we needed to relax our kinks and curls in order to look professional In more recent years several black men have even blatantly stated that their girlfriends of other ethnicities are better than the black women who resemble their very own mothers So where does a cute hashtag like blackgirlmagic fit into all of this exactly The answer lies far beyond any black girl selfies you might find on the Internet Black girl magic is an everyday reminder a virtual tattoo if you will of the re claiming of our beauty and worth as a collective Black girl magic is not we are and you are not it is simply we are The hashtag does not negate the value of other women but simply points to our own value which for so long has been invisible Blackgirlmagic is a bold statement that goes against everything society would have us believe about ourselves It is dangerous It is rebellious And yet it is the thing that keeps many of us going It is a declaration that we too are made in the Imago Dei and it demands that that be acknowledged in every space we enter Black girl magic gives us the confidence we need on bad hair days the assurance we long for when our abilities are questioned and it is the sweet song we need to hear when we feel lonely in this world 39 shotgun magazine PHOTOGRAPHY ALEX BELL Maya Angelou If you ve ever met me you know I m not short on opinions about all sorts of things I ve always been hopelessly resolute about what I think is the best way never mind evidence that might prove otherwise As a child needless to say this characteristic landed me in trouble quite a bit Often I was told I was bossy and sometimes I was told I was disrespectful As I ve gotten older and wiser my capacity to form a strong viewpoint hasn t changed Instead it has both deepened and strengthened though hopefully my delivery has improved somewhat And yet when I was a woman in my early twenties I would not have had the grace or tenacity to create this marvelous work you hold in your hands These young women know things about themselves and the world that I am still figuring out They have joined together racial and ethnic identity cultures backgrounds and life experiences to contribute something good to the world We are the fortunate recipients of their hard work the product of countless brainstorming meetings text messages and writing sessions likely squeezed in between late night last minute papers and morning chapels In a society that often encourages unhealthy competition among women it is not lost on me that this group of women worked together not against each other to claim their collective voice These women show us how to make space for each other to stand up for themselves and therefore for me The thing I wish I understood earlier in life is that I am the woman I am because I stand on the shoulders of women who came before me my grandmothers mother aunts older sisters teachers and church ladies And I am doing the important work of clearing a path for those to come after me my students nieces my friends daughters and daughters I hope to have one day The brilliant young women who contributed to this publication already knew this about themselves and each other I am not afraid for our future ART MARIKA ADAMOPOULOS shotgun magazine 40
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