September 2016 1st Issue Chiong ba, Woman!

Friends of mine know that I have a happy and complete family with my husband and 2 kids but they did not know what I had went through for that. Although the process of raising my kids is tough and tiring as they are very active and attention seeking, I feel that everything is still worthwhile. Comparing the previous journeys that I had went through in order to become a mum, this is nothing. I experienced 4 miscarriages and 1 uterus correction surgery before I was able to deliver my 2 babies into the world.

Bicornuate (heart-shaped) uterus

I love children and had always wanted to have my own but I was born with Bicornuate (heart-shaped) uterus. I knew this special condition of mine since I was a teenager but I did not know that it will cause difficulty in conceiving, high chance of miscarriage and baby to be born prematurely till I went for pre-marital check up. I was devastated. I even felt guilty towards my husband as I had always wanted to have a complete family with him. Despite that, my husband was still very supportive towards me. He told me he love me for who I am and it doesn’t matter if we can’t have any kids as long as we are together. Being touched by his words, I plucked up the courage to keep on trying and look for a solution.

My menses was always irregular so it doesn’t bother me much when it was late. However, I started feeling discomfort on my chest and felt nauseous when it comes to certain food. After sharing this with my close friend, she told me that I might be pregnant and suggested to go for a pregnancy test. To my surprise, the results came back positive; I had never expected myself to get pregnant that fast. As soon as my husband and I knew it, we arranged an appointment with my gynae as we can't wait to see our baby through ultrasound scan.

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My Angels

When we reached the clinic, my gynae requested for a blood test to be done before we proceed to consult her. She told us that through the blood test, our baby was about 6 weeks old and the result actually reflected low Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG). The worst part was she could not find our baby when performing the scan. I was mentally prepared for a miscarriage based on all the facts that she had gotten and provided. Just 2 days later, I started bleeding and my 1st angel was gone. I could only think of this in my mind, “Why did you quietly came into my life and how can you bear to leave me?”. I knew my husband was equally in pain as me but he was staying strong and supportive, he told me that we are still young and we can still try for another after I had recovered.

I was pregnant again few months later but yet I lost my 2nd angel after knowing him/her for only just a week. I told myself in order to bring my angels to the world, I must become a fighter and stay strong. Not only did I started exercising, I also consumed lots of supplements and healthy food so that I can have a healthy mind and body to bring my baby into the world. I had even gone for intensive health test to understand my own health condition and tried Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) to regulate and strengthen my womb. After I lost my 3rd angel, I was still trying my very best to stay strong, be it physically or mentally. I decided to undergo uterus correction surgery to rectify my womb condition and thought that this would solve my problem. Yet, my 4th angel still left me after I had my womb corrected.

 

Devastated

I really can’t accept why is this happening again when I had been preparing and doing whatever that was needed to be done. I felt so helpless and useless as I can’t even protect my angels. Did my angels felt the pain I felt? Do they love me just as much as I love them? Do they know that they were once staying in my stomach? Where did it went wrong? No words can describe my feeling and no feeling can describe my heart.

 

I was on the verge of giving up till a close friend of mine asked if I did confinement for my miscarriages in the past. I was puzzled by her question because I did not as I thought that confinement is for those who really gave birth and not cases like mine but I was wrong. She told me that it is very important to do confinement regardless of any pregnancy termination whether it is giving birth, miscarriage or abortion. Because after every pregnancy termination, our womb weakens and the confinement period is the best time strengthen it. I decided to give it a try immediately as there were no time to waste. After the confinement, I really feel a big difference and changes in my womb from my menses as there were lesser cramp and blood clots.

 

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Hello, my lovely baby

6 months later, I was pregnant, again. This time round, things were different, even though I still experience complications such as bleeding causing threatened miscarriage and heavy vomiting but yet I can feel my baby with me, safely inside my womb. At 37th weeks into the pregnancy, my 1st baby safely landed in both my husband and my arms. Finally, I could say “Hello my lovely baby, welcome to your parents’ world, we had been waiting for you!”. With good confinement and rest, my 2nd baby arrived to our world with no issue except for heavy vomiting during pregnancy.

I am really blessed and thankful to have a supporting husband to be with me throughout the whole period. He accepted who I am even till now when I had grown in size and gained dark circles under my eyes. A little praise about myself, I used to be a lot prettier than what I am now. I had actually lost a lot of confidence in myself due to the change in my appearance but everything was worthwhile. I will slowly gain back the confidence that I had lost but the priority will always be my children and family. My 4 angels who never had a chance to be carried in my arms but safe in the arms of god, I miss you all!