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Dedication To Brian, Owen, and Henry, who are the reason I write love stories
Contents Dedication Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 C...
Acknowledgments Back Ad About the Author Credits Copyright About the Publisher
1  IT   S A WEIRDLY SUBTLE CONVERSATION. I almost don   t notice I   m being blackmailed.  We   re sitting in metal foldin...
could have logged into Gmail after me. You have to understand that I never would have used the library computers in the fi...
He looks at me. And there   s this silence.    I don   t know what the hell you want me to say,    I add finally.    Well,...
   Simon, Nick hasn   t heard about le wedgie.       Ohhhh. Le wedgie. C   est une histoire touchante.       English, plea...
form of unconscious wish fulfillment     Leah and I look at each other, and I can tell we   re thinking the same thing. It...
2  FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Oct 17 at 12 06 AM SUBJECT  Re  when you knew Th...
TO  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com DATE  Oct 17 at 8 46 PM SUBJECT  Re  when you knew I   m  the  only  one   That   s  d...
TO  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com DATE  Oct 19 at 8 01 AM SUBJECT  The obligatory . . . Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy.  Eye...
3  THE  SHITTIEST  THING  ABOUT  THE  Martin  situation  is  that  I  can   t  bring  it  up  with  Blue.  I   m  not  use...
told me that my comment made him a little nervous. He   s really careful about things. Obviously, he   s more careful  tha...
After dinner, Nora sets up Skype on the desktop computer in the living room. In the camera window, Alice looks a little di...
   Dad, stop,    says Alice. And so Dad starts singing that song    Eternal Flame    by the Bangles. I never know if my da...
I   m kind of hoping to avoid finding out for as long as humanly possible. I guess I   ve been doing a lot of  disappearin...
cafeteria, searching my music library for an EP by Leda. I haven   t listened to it yet, but the fact that Leah and Anna a...
person who pretends to ask a question just to show off what she already knows.    Right,    Ms. Albright says.    Take it ...
   Yeah, maybe,    he says. He leans forward and stands, and immediately trips over his shoelace. Then he tries to play it...
4  FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Oct 30 at 9 56 PM SUBJECT  Re  hollow wieners Bl...
Your family sounds interesting. How did you talk your parents into buying you dresses  I bet you were an awesome flapper. ...
5  HONEST  TO  GOD,  THERE  IS nothing better than Halloween on a Friday. All day in school, there   s a kind of  charged ...
hard time getting into other people   s heads sometimes. It   s probably the worst thing about me. We watch some random sh...
voice.    Where the heck is Nick     she asks. Just hearing Abby say Nick   s name makes Leah suck in her lips.    Feeling...
looking at me. Abby settles in cross-legged facing us, and it   s really kind of nice. We basically have our own corner of...
know if it counts that I have. I   ve never kissed a guy. That   s something I think about all the time.    Spier     asks...
music. It feels like we   re the last survivors of a zombie apocalypse. Wonder Woman and a gay dementor. It doesn   t bode...
seriously lives for opportunities to be a hey guys I   m cool kind of mom.    And Nick played guitar,    Abby says.    Nic...
these tiny ways. I get a girlfriend. I have a beer. And every freaking time, I have to reintroduce myself to the universe ...
6  FROM  bluegreen118 gmail.com TO  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com DATE  Nov 1 at 11 12 AM SUBJECT  Re  hollow wieners Ja...
my comfort zone  wait   I didn   t just ruin my chance of convincing you I   m a hardcore party ninja, right  . So, I keep...
SUBJECT  Re  Reese   s are better than sex Blue, I  think  I  made  you  uncomfortable,  and  I   m  really,  really  sorr...
7  WEDNESDAY  IS  GENDER  BENDER  DAY, which basically amounts to southern straight people cross-dressing.  It   s definit...
crap.  Ironically,  of  course.  But  still.  It  would  be  weirdly  conspicuous  if  I  didn   t  cross-dress  at  least...
doing it. She   s a perfect chameleon. It   s hard to believe this is the same person who once insisted on dressing up as ...
but I guess those cowboy hats are good for something after all. It   s really the first time I   ve ever noticed the stadi...
feeling twitchy and self-conscious.    Okay,     I  say,     I   m  going  to  go  sit  with  drama  club  people.     I  ...
8  FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Nov 11 at 11 45 PM SUBJECT  Re  all of the above...
SUBJECT  Sweet tooth  I can   t imagine why you   d think that. All right   I have a sneaking suspicion that you   re not ...
9  HE LIKES TO IMAGINE ME fantasizing about sex.  That   s  something  I  probably  shouldn   t  have  read  right  before...
But you   re fucking old.    Leah. It   s so beautiful.       Yeah,  okay.     She  scoots  backward  on  the  ledge  and ...
   Aww,    says Taylor,    I guess I   m lucky I have a really fast metabolism.    Seriously, that   s Taylor. I mean, eve...
10  FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Nov 18 at 4 15 AM SUBJECT  Why why why  Oh my G...
It   s an interesting concept, but how would we keep from recognizing each other   s voices     Blue FROM  hourtohour.note...
11  IT   S  THE  DAY  AFTER  THANKSGIVING,  and  Alice  is  home,  and  we   re  on  the  back  porch  after  dinner.  It ...
I   m definitely going to forget about Monkey   s Asshole and his shady little winky emoticon. We relocate to the living r...
   Shut up,    I say. Everything is a little more perfect when she   s here. And then Alice leaves and school starts again...
   That was so bitchy of me. I can   t believe I said that.       It was super bitchy,    I say.    You   re like a stealt...
   Oh, well. Nothing. Hey, are we supposed to be doing anything right now     And as soon as I ask it, I start blushing, b...
12  FROM  bluegreen118 gmail.com TO  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com DATE  Dec 2 at 5 02 PM SUBJECT  I should be . . . .  ...
DATE  Dec 2 at 9 13 PM SUBJECT  Re  I should be . . . Blue, Okay,  first  things  first   how  did  I  not  know  you  wer...
parents  end  up  doing  PFLAG  and  Pride  Parades  and  everything.  And  then  you  hear  about  parents who are totall...
13  IT   S  THURSDAY,  AND  I   M  IN history class, and apparently Ms. Dillinger just asked me a question, because  every...
   Oh, it   s optional now     I ask. And then I do this thing I picked up from Leah, where you kind of cut your eyes to t...
Martin and his freaking brother.    Are you okay, Simon     asks Abby.    Drink some water     Can   t  stop  coughing.  A...
   It would be weird if you didn   t,    I say. I don   t really understand it. I almost think he   s growing on me.
14  FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Dec 6 at 6 19 PM SUBJECT  Coming Out Thing Did ...
FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Dec 7 at 4 46 PM SUBJECT  Re  Coming Out Thing Blue...
So, who are all these cute guys who make you so nervous  They can   t be that cute. You better not love THEIR sentence fra...
15  I GUESS WE   RE MAKING THIS our thing. Reading Dickens at the WaHo. Abby doesn   t have a car tonight, so  she  comes ...
Maybe he   s my blackmailer. Maybe he   s also becoming my friend. Who the hell knows if that   s even allowed. Or  maybe ...
car in park.    Your hands are shaking,    Abby says quietly. Then she tugs my arm closer, pushes my sleeve up, and cups m...
16  FROM  bluegreen118 gmail.com TO  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com DATE  Dec 13 at 12 09 AM SUBJECT  out and about Jacqu...
told one of my best friends, even though I wasn   t planning to, and it was awkward and weird and really kind of nice. I f...
17  I HAVE TO MEET HIM.  I don   t think I can keep this up. I don   t care if it ruins everything. I   m this close to ma...
   Four  days  a  week  now,     I  say.     Every  day  but  Friday.  And  we  have  an  all-day  rehearsal  this Saturda...
thought down, another one nudges its way to the surface. I guess there are two moles. One is the fact that I   ve hung out...
So, instead, I ask,    How   s the coffee        Pretty good, Simon. Pretty good.    I look up and realize that Abby is wa...
kind  of  a  slow-moving  person,  so  they  totally  dominate,  but  I  don   t  even  care.  His  hands  grip  my should...
   What  When     Martin  stands  abruptly,  his  face  flushed.     Roughly  five  minutes  before  she  draped  herself ...
18  FROM  bluegreen118 gmail.com TO  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com DATE  Dec 20 at 1 45 PM SUBJECT  Oh baby Jacques, You...
Blue, Wow. I   m just   wow. Congratulations  I don   t know. I can   t tell a hundred percent how you feel about it, but ...
DATE  Dec 21 at 10 11 AM SUBJECT  Re  POOP Blue, I hope for your sake that Little Fetus is a boy, because sisters are a fr...
19  IT   S CHRISTMAS EVE DAY, AND something feels a little bit off.  Not bad. Just off. I don   t know how to explain it. ...
the rooftops, too. I refresh my browser.    My turn. Okay. Someone Jewish,    I say,    posting about Christmas.    My Jew...
   Why  are  you  looking  at  me  like  that,  sweet  one      she  asks,  ruffling  his  ears.     I  don   t  have  any...
between  them.  Alice  disappears  again  to  talk  on  the  phone.  Nora  and  I  sit  for  a  while  on  our  opposite e...
   I already reported it,    said Nora.    They   ll take it down.       People have already seen it, though.       I don ...
and wait. I know Blue is at church right now with his mom and uncle and cousins, and they all went last night, too. He   s...
Everyone is quiet for a moment. And then my mom says,    Honey. That   s . . . God, that   s . . . thank you for telling u...
   Is it a girlfriend        No,    she says finally, leaning back against the wall.    Boyfriend.       What   s his name...
20  FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Dec 25 at 5 12 PM SUBJECT  Oh holy nightmare Bl...
No updates on Little Fetus, but suffice it to say that I   m more than a little nauseated now that I   ve had the pleasure...
21  IT   S  THE  SATURDAY  AFTER  CHRISTMAS, and Waffle House is packed with old people and kids and random  guys  sitting...
I   m  startled  by  a  loud  tap,  and  I  turn  around  to  find  Alice   s  pissed-off  face  pressed  against  my wind...
I   m feeling this weird pressure to be extra jolly and talkative. Leah trails her fingers through the curls on Bieber   s...
their fireworks. I stare at the ceiling. We have a popcorn ceiling in our basement, and in the darkness, its texture makes...
22  FROM  bluegreen118 gmail.com TO  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com DATE  Jan 1 at 1 19 PM SUBJECT  Re  auld lang syne Ja...
the details. Unfortunately, I   m a freaking idiot with very little self-control when it comes to Google Images. So now it...
Not until you   re ready, though. And I could never hate you. You   re not going to lose me. Just think about it. Okay  Lo...
23  IT   S  THE  FIRST  DAY  BACK  at  school,  and  I  honestly  consider  spending  the  entire  day  in  the  parking  ...
In English class, Martin won   t look at me. But all through the day, Leah and Abby are like freaking pit bulls, throwing ...
I catch a glimpse of Martin, and it looks like he   s been crumpled. His hands are covering his face. A few minutes later,...
part of a harmony. Abby dances to the drumbeat for a minute as we pass, and then we bust out the side door near the soccer...
apology.    I just kind of stand there. He  stretches  his  arms  forward,  cracking  his  knuckles  under  his  gloves.  ...
24  FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Jan 5 at 7 19 PM SUBJECT  Snow  Blue, Look outs...
FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Jan 6 at 7 12 PM SUBJECT  Really  Wow. Okay. Not up...
DATE  Jan 7 at 7 23 AM SUBJECT  Re  Really  On  the  Tumblr   you  mean  creeksecrets   I  honestly  don   t  think  I   v...
25  SO, YEAH. I   VE BEEN CARELESS. I guess I left a trail of clues, and I shouldn   t be surprised that Blue put them  to...
eleven o   clock on the night of your birthday, when you realize no one   s throwing you a surprise party after all. On  T...
26  FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Jan 9 at 8 23 PM SUBJECT  Re  Really  I  mean, ...
   Simon FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Jan 12 at 12 18 AM SUBJECT  Re  Really  Se...
27  WHICH ISN   T TO SAY I   M going to stop thinking about it.  I spend all of Sunday in my room switching between the Sm...
Resting on top is a note that says this     I   m assuming Elliott understands that you would have made it to his shows if...
pencil.    Do I look ridiculous        Not at all,    she says. She   s quiet for a minute.    I have a question for you. ...
   Don   t you love it     says Abby. I feel this tug of self-consciousness. It doesn   t help that Cute Bram is looking a...
minute, I   ll step out there to have a quick chat with your lovely classmates.       Are you canceling the show     asks ...
28  BUT LATER, IN THE DRESSING room, it hits me.  Martin Van Buren. Our eighth fucking president. But there   s no way. It...
It would mean that Martin wrote that post on the Tumblr back in August   the one about being gay. And that  Martin   s  th...
I almost never come into Atlanta proper. It   s warm and noisy inside, full of people eating chili dogs and burgers  and  ...
   You   re not Alex,    says the guy,    but you have Alex hair.    And then he reaches up to ruffle his fingers through ...
round table in the corner of the room. Peter   s friends are a big group of mostly guys, and they   re all cute, and  ever...
for Blue. We are out and we are alive, and everyone in the universe is out here right now.    Hi,    I say, to somebody. I...
Abby pulls into my driveway and puts the car in park, and I hug her and say,    Thank you thank you thank you.    She ruff...
talk about me behind my back. I slam the kitchen door shut. As  soon  as  the  water  hits  my  lips,  I  gulp  it  down  ...
29  IT   S MLK WEEKEND, SO WE don   t get back to school until Tuesday. When I get there, Abby   s waiting in front  of my...
   Yeah,  well,     Abby  says,     I  don   t  know.  Anyway,  we  left,  but  we  ended  up  just  parking  in  Nick   s...
   Oh, poor Simon.       Okay, you know what  Forget it. I   m going to go to my fucking dress rehearsal now, and you can ...
30  I GET HOME, AND ALL I want to do is walk somewhere. Anywhere. But as it stands, I   m not even allowed to  walk my fre...
and sleep tight, kid and don   t stay up too late. But they don   t move. So I say,    Well, for the record, I knew you we...
   Listen,    says my mom, poking my foot again.    I don   t want to cramp your style, but maybe you could just  humor  u...
   Yeah,     she  says.     That.  Okay,  open  them.     She  starts  tracing  the  bottom  lid,  and  I  fight  the  urg...
the thought of Blue being someone other than Martin gives me this breathless, hopeful feeling. Actually hopeful, despite t...
31  FROM  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com TO  bluegreen118 gmail.com DATE  Jan 25 at 9 27 AM SUBJECT  Us. Blue, I   ve bee...
32  I  CLICK  SEND  AND  TRY not to think about it, but I   m restless and punchy and jittery all the way to school.  And ...
the fabric inside. I catch it and tug it out. It   s another note on blue-green construction paper, and it starts with a p...
I can   t see Nick   s face, but he taps the toe of his sneaker against her ballet flat. And they seem to shift closer to ...
   I know,    says Bram. There   s something in his voice. I turn to him, slowly, and his eyes are wide and brown and tota...
   But it would be completely unfair of me to expect that,    he says.    You guessed it was me.       Well, yeah,    he s...
33  IN  ENGLISH  CLASS  ON  MONDAY,  my  eyes  find  Bram  immediately.  He  sits  on  the  couch  beside  Garrett,  weari...
   Have you done this before        Nope,    he says. And he presses his fingertips softly against mine, just for a moment...
against the window. He looks down at his hands, and I can see he   s grinning.    Abraham,    I say, trying it out, and th...
   I do miss you, though,    he says. I mean, Jesus Christ. What a week to be grounded.    What are you doing right now   ...
home. Miss you sooooo much    I mean, it   s a joke. Mostly. He texts back immediately. Happy two day anniversary       Wh...
straight ahead with her mouth in a line, and she doesn   t say a word.    I know you   re pissed at me,    I say. Nothing....
And I don   t know what to say. There   s a lump in my throat.    But whatever,    she says.    I can   t   you know. It  ...
34  FROM  marty.mcfladdison gmail.com TO  hourtohour.notetonote gmail.com DATE  Jan 29 at 5 24 PM SUBJECT  sorry doesn   t...
So I don   t even know if that makes any sense at all, and you probably stopped reading this ages ago,  but  I   m  just  ...
35  THE  TALENT  SHOW  STARTS  AT  seven,  and  Nick  and  I  arrive  just  as  they   re  dimming  the  lights.  Bram  an...
plugged in and tested.    Who is this     I ask Nick. He checks his program.    They   re called Emoji.       Cute.    The...
I nod, confused. He looks familiar, too, actually, but I can   t quite place him.    Hi. I   m Theo.       Theo, like . . ...
My parents have a majorly Seussish bouquet for her, and they spend about five minutes gushing about her guitar skills. And...
Chipmunks  that  Nora  made  in  kindergarten.  There   s  the  muffled  thud  of  Bieber  jumping  off  the  couch, follo...
   Oh, really        Really,  really.  Why  would  I  want  to  watch  other  people  kissing,     I  say,     when  I  co...
Acknowledgments  There are so many people who left beautiful fingerprints all over this book, and who deserve more thanks ...
supported  me,  advised  me,  and  kept  me  sane.  Many  thanks,  too,  for  the  incredible  librarians,  bloggers, publ...
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About the Author  Photo by Decisive Moment Events  BECKY ALBERTALLI is a clinical psychologist who has had the privilege o...
Credits Cover art    2015 by Chris Bilheimer Cover design by Alison Klapthor
Copyright Balzer   Bray is an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers. SIM ON VS. THE HOM O SAPIENS AGENDA. Copyright    2015 ...
About the Publisher Australia HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty. Ltd. Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street Sydney, NSW 2000...