When we reached the clinic, my gynae requested for a blood test to be done before we proceed to consult her. She told us that through the blood test, our baby was about 6 weeks old and the result actually reflected low Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG). The worst part was she could not find our baby when performing the scan. I was mentally prepared for a miscarriage based on all the facts that she had gotten and provided. Just 2 days later, I started bleeding and my 1st angel was gone. I could only think of this in my mind, “Why did you quietly came into my life and how can you bear to leave me?”. I knew my husband was equally in pain as me but he was staying strong and supportive, he told me that we are still young and we can still try for another after I had recovered.
I was pregnant again few months later but yet I lost my 2nd angel after knowing him/her for only just a week. I told myself in order to bring my angels to the world, I must become a fighter and stay strong. Not only did I started exercising, I also consumed lots of supplements and healthy food so that I can have a healthy mind and body to bring my baby into the world. I had even gone for intensive health test to understand my own health condition and tried Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) to regulate and strengthen my womb. After I lost my 3rd angel, I was still trying my very best to stay strong, be it physically or mentally. I decided to undergo uterus correction surgery to rectify my womb condition and thought that this would solve my problem. Yet, my 4th angel still left me after I had my womb corrected.
I really can’t accept why is this happening again when I had been preparing and doing whatever that was needed to be done. I felt so helpless and useless as I can’t even protect my angels. Did my angels felt the pain I felt? Do they love me just as much as I love them? Do they know that they were once staying in my stomach? Where did it went wrong? No words can describe my feeling and no feeling can describe my heart.
I was on the verge of giving up till a close friend of mine asked if I did confinement for my miscarriages in the past. I was puzzled by her question because I did not as I thought that confinement is for those who really gave birth and not cases like mine but I was wrong. She told me that it is very important to do confinement regardless of any pregnancy termination whether it is giving birth, miscarriage or abortion. Because after every pregnancy termination, our womb weakens and the confinement period is the best time strengthen it. I decided to give it a try immediately as there were no time to waste. After the confinement, I really feel a big difference and changes in my womb from my menses as there were lesser cramp and blood clots.
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